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Personal Narrative Essay a Trip on Vacation

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Published: Mar 13, 2024

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The journey begins, immersing in balinese culture, exploring the natural beauty, reflection and growth.

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narrative essay about a vacation

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Narrative Essay: My Favorite Summer Vacation

narrative essay about a vacation

Each summer is beautiful for me because I spend it with my family. I am well aware that people my age spend their summer vacations with friends, partying all the time. But, after an entire year away from my family, I must admit I would always choose to spend a summer vacation with my family rather than friends. After all, my friends are what I get back to when the vacation time ends.

If someone asks me to choose one perfect vacation that is better than all the rest, I’d have to choose my trip to the Lakedale Resort at Three Lakes, Washington. The place was perfect for a modern camper – combining an Airstream trailer rental, canvas tent and log cabins, and surrounded by three marvelous lakes.

But, this is not my favorite summer vacation just because of the location. We have visited so many wonderful places during the summers, I am pretty sure some even looked better. What I do remember is the fun.

This is probably because of the three lakes, but the choices we had for activities were so many, we couldn’t possibly do everything before we went back home. I remember how much we fought over what we are going to do. My father wants us to do group activities when we go on summer vacation because ‘’It wouldn’t be a family vacation if we don’t stick together’’.

So, if you came and watched us on our family vacations in the summer, you would see two very bored parents just sitting next to their children when they are doing some kid activities. You could also see us trout fishing with them because my dad loves fishing.

This year that I am talking about, we fought for a long time about the trout fishing activity. We wanted to do canoeing, so we agreed that they will come with us on his, and we would go fishing with them. As it turned out, we had more fun on the fishing expedition than we had canoeing. For our dad, it was the opposite.

We fell in the water because this was our first time canoeing and we had no idea what we were doing. Both my sister and I were soaking wet because we fell exactly eleven times. Since my dad has done this in the past, they had a blast!

When the time came to go fishing, we were devastated by the idea that we’d have to spend an entire day looking for trout when there were so many things we could do. I honestly preferred just sitting near the fire pit on a picnic table all day, rather than waiting for a trout to catch my father’s bait.

However, luck was on my side that day. Fishing turned out to be such a fun activity, I am now convincing my dad to do it every summer. My dad was not so lucky. He spent over five hours just waiting and waiting, got sunburned and therefore had a fever all night. After a couple of hours of no fish caught whatsoever, he kept moving towards me in the hope that he will get lucky, too. But, the fish just seemed to run away from him and catch on my fishing rod instead.

The next day we decided to be a little less active since my father already had a tough night with the fever and the stress. We stayed near the cabin and joined those organized activities like cooking on a campfire and making tie-dyed shirts. We didn’t separate for even an hour and had the times of our lives.

This was way before I left home to go study in another city. For a family who cannot stand each other and fights all the time at home, it was a miracle how well we agreed and how fun our summer vacation was. Every summer we spend together is like this now, but now it is not such a strange thing. After over half a year of being separated and not living together, we would be happy if someone put us in one room for an entire month. That year, this was the strangest and most unexpected twist.

I will always remember that summer with my family. I don’t think I’ll be forgetting about the other places and vacations, too, but this is the summer when I understood that there is nothing more important than family. Whenever a friend jokes about my summer vacationing when I tell them I won’t be joining them this year too, I just remember that summer and everything seems right.

I don’t think I’ll ever envy my friends for spending their vacation partying. I will pity them for being away from their family once again because holidays and vacations are best spent with the people you love most. What I do know at this point is that when I have my own family, I will take them to that same spot and set the same rules as my father. I hope my fishing experience will be terrible as his, and they will fall in love with it.

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Narrative Essay Sample about My Favorite Vacation

My favorite vacation was when I went to Yemen. But on the way there, we had a layover in Jordan. So what my family did was we went to Jordan because it is closer to Yemen.

And it's closer to America than Yemen. so when we got to Jordan we got a nice hotel room.

My cousin, I went to go swim, but I didn't know how to swim so I always go to the shallow water because I am not trying to drown. The weather in Jordan was hot. I wasn't ready for that because I live in Michigan and it's mostly cold there but in Jordan, it is hot and humid. They have palm trees all around. And a kid from Michigan, I am not used to seeing palm trees and lizard's dessert.

So after we went swimming we went to eat because I was hungry. We went to a nice Jordanian restaurant that had a lot of customers and we enjoyed our meal. Everything we ate was spicey it's true they love their spices. That's where my family gets it from. By the way, we love spices. We grow some in our backyard. one more night in Jordan before we leave and go to Yemen the whole time I was in Jordan, I was culture-shocked. because I wasn't used to their culture and their way of living is different there. The way of life is a different one of the big differences. They have different types of toilets. Their toilets look like a hole in the ground and the way you use them is to squat and your Thing. 

After we went for breakfast we went to the airport to go to. Yemen to see my family and celebrate my brother's wedding. My mom made me wear a  suit in a tie. I didn't want to because it was so hot. It's hot in Yemen because we are on the equator so we get more heat from the sun. When we arrived I met a lot of my cousins for the first time and some I haven't seen in a long time like my uncle and his kids. 

When we arrived it was night. I met my cousins. They seemed pretty chill. I met my grandma and I met my aunties and their kids. I met my uncles and their kids. I ate fruit that I never had before. It was good and it smelled better but the look of the fruit was different than I used to see in America.

For sleep, I had to sleep with my cousins in one room because there was no room in the house. After all, all my cousins slept over. We stayed up all night watching random videos that asked me to teach them English and I was confused about what they wanted to learn. We played games and then they fell asleep.

I was awake all night, And then when the sun came up I fell asleep. And then in the morning, my dad told his nieces and nephews to wake me up I and by the way, I got NO sleep and these kids were pulling me pushing me and I got so mad I started fighting them because they would let me sleep I came from a long trip with no sleep and they kept on bothering me I was so mad so I just waited till they left and then fell asleep. That afternoon I got to know the people of Sana, Sana is the capital of Yemen,

So I finally met my cousins to spend more time with them. My older cousin was my favorite because he bought a lot of stuff for me at the zoo and bought me all of the fireworks for some reason. I got a ride on a motorcycle for the first time. It was great, it was really fast. I felt like I was gonna fall and die.

I saw mountains for the first time in Michigan. In Yemen, there are no mountains, just trees, and farms. Yemen is cool. I like how their farms are built. They look like a bunch of huge steps. And another cool thing is that they have houses on the edges of the mountains. And there are roads and mountains like highways. I get scared when I look down from a height, which is called acrophobia.

I also visited the biggest mosque in Yemen. It's called al saleh mosque and it's in Sana. It's big, it's so beautiful on the inside and the outside, I saw types of people from every nationality and race. This mosque is on my top list of the places I would visit again. It's a great experience. And I also went to the biggest amusement park in Yemen. They have two that I have had a lot of fun meeting new people.

After I went to the capital of Sana we went to my dad's home country to visit his family and my mom's side of the family. But we were going there. Because my older brother is getting married. In a week there. I got to see where my dad lived and my mom's house. They kinda lived in the countryside where there's a lot of agriculture. My dad had a farm with cows and sheep. After the first day, my dad bought me and my little brother baby goats. They were so cute I thought we were going to keep them as pets but when they grew up my family ate them, I was really sad.

At my brother's wedding, they had a big festival where they had a big tent full of people just vibing, talking, dancing, and singing. There is this thing we Yemen's do at a wedding: we have a big car parade. When I say big I mean BIG. We were driving on mountains, hills. You can see that the roads are filled up with cars honking and putting music on. All those people are friends of their family and they all come from faraway places. 

After a week the wedding ended and we had a big feast to celebrate. We ate a big bull with rice on the side. After that my brother and his new wife went on a honeymoon. My dad and my little brother went back to America. My mom went to the u.k to stop by to see her mom and dad and her brothers. When I went back to America it was fall and we were in 2nd grade and lived my life.

What I loved about Yemen is that I met new people and went to new places and experienced my culture. I experienced an actual Yemeni wedding that lasted a week. I ate new types of food. I wore different clothes. I experienced living in a hot area with mountains. and I went on a plane for the first time. I would go to Yemen again if I get the chance.

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Personal Narrative: My Favorite Vacation Essay

My Favorite Vacation I sat at the resort’s buffet with my mom, grandparents, and my brother, while we were relaxed and we enjoyed ourselves. I could smell the salt from the seawater of Gulf of Mexico, it was a rather odd smell, it smelt bitter, fresh, and clean all at the same time. The smell was somewhat pleasurable, and was very distinct. Every morning, in the resort, I woke up to the smell of it, which was something I definitely get used to. When my brother and I had wakened up five nights ago, we got a pleasant surprise. We would be headed to Cancun, Mexico.

This was the first time I have been on vacation near the Gulf, and it amazed me how beautiful it was, and how we got there in the first place. My mom wasn’t the one to do surprises, but when she did, it was a great one. After my great time in Cancun for five days, it was a very sad day. Although we were very relaxed at the buffet, my whole family was dreadful because this was the last day we would be on vacation in Cancun. The day had started off great. Every night we left the window open, so we could hear when the waves crashed against the sand, which is made me feel like I was in paradise because of the great sound when you’re asleep.

I was the first person up, so I decided to go outside and sit at our patio and watched and heard the sand roar against the fine white sand. In the distance, my eyes had started to fixate on something. I went inside, trying not to be loud to wake my mom and brother up, and grabbed my binoculars. I had hoped that whatever I saw had not disappeared. Luckily it had not, and when I saw what the object, I was amazed and shocked all at the same time. I had seen a dolphin! I freaked out because I had never seen something so cool like an animal in its natural habitat.

I rushed into the hotel room to wake up my mom, because I knew she would love seeing it. After about two minutes of her making excuses to try and not get out of bed, she finally budged and went out to the patio. When I handed her the binoculars, her jaw dropped. She said she has never seen something so beautiful, and that she was glad I woke her up. About five minutes later, my brother woke up from all the noise that my mom and I made, and we had gotten a call from my grandparents saying that they were ready to go eat breakfast, and that they were going to the buffet and would meet us there.

Besides the great weather and the views that amazed me, the buffet had been one of my favorite things during the trip. It had some great food, and also, had seats outside without windows, so we could enjoy our food while we looked over everything else happening at the resort. When my brother and I walked throughout the buffet, we could hear and smell all sorts of things, like kids screaming when they jumped into the pool, and the smell of delicious breakfast foods hit my nose with delight. After the five days, I learned that the resort just seemed to have a great environment.

My family and I then went to go eat at a table outside, so we could all the exciting things happening around the resort. After we settled down, we started to eat our food in peace. After we ate, we started talking about how fun the vacation has been so far. The amazing views, the great food, and the things you could do in the resort and out, like golfing and basketball, and you can’t forget, seeing the dolphin! There was so many interesting during this vacation, we couldn’t even remember them all. Then, after our great conversation, some bad news came.

My mom had told us that this was the last day we would be staying here. After hearing, that I became very upset and sad at the same time, it was not news I wanted to hear. My mom said, “Although we’re leaving, this vacation has been great. I’ve always wanted to go somewhere exotic. ” My grandma then said, “I wish this vacation didn’t end and that it wasn’t the last day. ” I then said in a sad tone, “One day down the road, we have to do again. ” A few hours later, we started packing up our bags, and got ready to head to the airport for our flight back.

I wasn’t in the best of moods, but after I boarded the plane, I thought about the vacation, and how great it was overall, and that I shouldn’t look at the downside of leaving. This day has been a big part of my life. It has ultimately been my favorite vacation so far, even though we couldn’t stay the rest of our lives. I also learned by being there how important family is, and how important it is when you’re with them. I don’t think I would have wanted to go with anyone else.

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Ukraine turned out to be completely different from any place I had visited so far. A post-Soviet=Union country, it is still struggling to build a developed society. But being a photographer, I was far more interested in its nature, people, and sites than its politics. Ukraine appeared to be an attractive, even gorgeous country. Being slightly smaller than Texas, it is extremely diverse and is full of natural wonders that take your breath away. Kyiv, the capital city, appeared unexpectedly well-groomed, green, and wealthy. Lots of bridges across the Dnipro River, a great number of outstanding parks, a couple of botanical gardens, and many, many flowers everywhere you go. A lot friendlier than you would think. Next, we went to Western Ukraine with its own peculiar culture and atmosphere.

The Carpathian Mountains are precious and authentic, with small distant villages and little country houses that seem like modern progress will never reach them. An amazingly romantic place! I had been there in late May, but my friend said these mountains are beautiful all year round—a great hiking spot for spring, a tent camp landscape for summer and autumn, with tiny, fast mountain rivers that amazed me with their pureness, and a couple of perfect skiing resorts that do not yield to the Austrian or Canadian ones even a bit. The people of Western Ukraine amazed me as well, especially the elderly—amiable, positive, and active. West Ukraine was basically the first place to which my friend took me, and it made me fall in love with Ukraine completely. From the Carpathians, we traveled to Lviv—a wonderful medieval city that is somewhat similar to Prague, yet it is special in its atmosphere: 800-year-old castles, wooden churches, Gothic catholic temples and palaces, flowers at every corner and on every window seal, original block pavement streets of the Old City (Stare Misto), and lots of people in authentic national clothes—vishivanki (embroidered white shirts). Lviv is a magical city and it fueled me with inspiration to see the rest of the country.

Next, my friend took me to Zaporizhzhya—an eastern city with an impossible to pronounce name and two thousand years of history. The city is built on two banks of the Dnipro River, and has an island in the middle—Khortitsa—the largest river island in the world. The place is exceptionally spiritual—no wonder that so many centuries ago the wild tribes of skiffs and sarmates, and later the cossaks (famous Ukrainian soldiers of 1400-1600s, that had long mustaches, long forelocks and wore wide red trousers), built their fortifications on Khortitsa Island. The city itself seemed to be still Soviet-like in its spirit and atmosphere, so it was interesting for me to take photos of their famous dam with the huge Lenin statue pointing at it, and the factories that were once the pride of the USSR and, amazingly, still successfully function for export purposes now.

Our next stop was Crimea—a big heart-shaped peninsula that is washed by two seas: the Black Sea and the Azov Sea (the shallowest in the world, by the way). Crimea has indescribable mountains, fantastic crystal caves, and scenic, deep lakes. It is a picturesque place—so green, so virginal, so unlike anything I have seen before. The pictures I took in Crimea are the ones I consider to be the best in the series in my photo collection. We also attended a wine festival in Koktebel, where they make local wine, visited Askania Nova—a marvelous biosphere reserve sanctuary established in the nineteenth century—an opportunity to get a scope of what the country’s nature was like some twelve hundred years ago, still mostly underpopulated.

There was one thought that did not leave my mind even for a second during the whole time I spent in Ukraine: “I cannot believe that this country and its fantastic nature, history, and culture are so unknown to the rest of the world!” Ukraine was a true discovery for me, and one of those times when your expectations are nothing like what you see. I have visited this country two more times over the past three years, and every time my respect for Ukraine grows. If you should ask me what place I can recommend to those avid and blasé travelers who seem to have seen it all, I would say without a second of hesitation: “Go to Ukraine! Whatever you will expect, this will still amaze and astonish you!”

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Tips for Writing a "What I Did on Vacation" Essay

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Are you required to write an essay about your summer vacation or your holiday break? This can be a tough assignment to tackle at first glance. But if you think about it, there are lots of interesting things that happen on your vacation that others might enjoy reading about. The key to success is to zero in on the experiences, people, or situations that made your vacation unique.

Summer vacation can be busy or lazy, funny or serious. You may have traveled with your family, worked every day, fallen in love, or coped with a difficult situation. To start your essay, you'll need to choose a topic and tone.

Family Vacation Essay Topic Ideas

If you traveled with your family, you may have some great stories to tell. After all, every family is crazy in its own way. Want some proof? How many Hollywood films have themes about family holidays or trips? Those films are popular because they enable us to glimpse inside the crazy family lives of others. Alternatively, you may have a more serious story to tell.

Consider these funny topics:

  • Why I'll Never Go Back to (insert place name)
  • How (insert name) Drove Me Crazy in Five Days
  • Traveling to (insert city) Then and Now
  • The Hazards of Traveling With a (person or thing)
  • Why You Shouldn't Take a Dog to (insert place)
  • I Left (insert city) But My (lost item) Stayed
  • Why I Couldn't Sleep in (place name)

If your family vacation involved something more serious, think about one of these topics:

  • The Love I Left Behind in (insert place)
  • Saying Good-Bye to (insert person or place)
  • Exploring (place's) Secrets
  • An Emotional Trip

Summer Job Essay Topic Ideas

Not everyone gets to spend the summer having fun; some of us have to work for a living. If you spent your summer at a job, chances are you met a lot of interesting characters, dealt with complicated situations, or even saved the day once or twice. Here are some ideas for summer job topics:

  • The Boss's Day Off
  • The Customer From Hell
  • What I Learned from My Customers
  • Why I'll Never Go Into the ___ Business
  • Six Things I Learned on the Job

How to Write the Essay

Once you've chosen your topic and your tone, think about the story you want to tell. In most cases, your essay will follow a typical story arc:

  • The hook (the funny, sad, or scary sentence that grabs the reader's attention)
  • The rising action (the beginning of your story)
  • The climax (the most exciting moment in your story)
  • The denouement (the aftermath or ending to your story)

Start by writing out the basic outline of your story. For example, "I started cleaning a guest's room and found that they'd left behind a wallet with $100 in cash. When I turned it in without taking a single dollar for myself, my boss rewarded me with a $100 gift certificate and a special award for honesty."

Next, start fleshing out the details. What was the room like? What was the guest like? What did the wallet look like and where was it left? Were you tempted to just take the money and turn in the wallet empty? How did your boss look when you handed her the wallet? How did you feel when you got your reward? How did others around you react to your honesty?

Once you've told your story in all its detail, it's time to write the hook and conclusion. What question or thought can you use to grab your reader's attention? For example: "What would you do if you found a wallet loaded with cash? That was my dilemma this summer."

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How to Write an Essay on How You Spent Your Summer Vacation

Last Updated: January 4, 2020

This article was co-authored by Alexander Peterman, MA . Alexander Peterman is a Private Tutor in Florida. He received his MA in Education from the University of Florida in 2017. This article has been viewed 52,381 times.

Writing an essay on how you spent your summer vacation is a classic way of starting a new school year. Think about this essay as an opportunity to tell a story about your summer while reflecting on the experiences you had. Choose a memorable moment you had this summer and start crafting your essay, giving as many details as possible.

Choosing a Topic

Step 1 Look back on mementos you kept from the summer.

  • These can also make nice visual aids if you are asked to present your essay.

Step 2 Make a list of the things you’ve done over summer vacation.

  • A list might be full of things like babysitting, attending a camp, working at a local store, taking a road trip, etc. This type of brainstorming can help you pick major events and other important moments from your summer.

Step 3 Write about a memorable moment.

  • For example, maybe you spent your summer traveling around Japan. Think of a memorable moment you had while traveling — maybe you walked up a mountain in the pouring rain — and write about this moment, adding lots of details.

Step 4 Create an outline...

  • For example, if you're writing about spending time at the beach, your outline could remind you to talk about the sandcastle building contest you entered, the dolphins you saw, and the ice cream you ate every day.
  • Details might be what the other sandcastles looked like, how far away the dolphins were, and what kind of toppings were on your ice cream.
  • Your outline is just to help you organize your thoughts — it can be written by hand or typed.

Crafting the Essay

Step 1 Focus on your feelings, interactions, and thoughts.

  • Instead of saying that you worked in a pet store, ate a PB&J sandwich, and walked home every day, talk about more than just your actions. You could talk about which pets are your favorites to work with, how it felt to eat the same sandwich every day, or what you thought about on your walk home.

Step 2 Use your 5 senses to explain your experiences.

  • Using sensory details like these will help your readers visualize and engage with your writing. These help your audience make your experiences feel real to them, even though they weren't there.

Step 3 Describe activities you did in each place you went.

  • For example, instead of saying “I went to the beach this summer,” try saying “I spent my summer swimming in the frigid water at Virginia Beach.” The more details you can provide, the more engaged your reader will be.

Step 4 Choose precise, descriptive adjectives.

  • Instead of saying “the burger was really good,” you could say, “the burger was juicy and filling.”

Step 5 Revise and edit your essay carefully.

  • Don't just rely on spellcheck. It will help catch some errors, but it will miss some things, too.
  • Ask a parent or other adult to read over your essay too, if you'd like.
  • Setting your essay aside for a little while will give you a fresher perspective when you go back to revise it.

Structuring Your Essay

Step 1 Start with a strong introduction.

  • Make sure your conclusion doesn’t just copy the introduction.

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About This Article

Alexander Peterman, MA

If you need to write an essay on how you spent your summer vacation, there are simple ways to take your writing to the next level. Choose a moment that stands out to you, like playing at the park with your friends or watching a movie you enjoyed. Think about all the feelings and thoughts you had, and use them to write sensory descriptions that will take the reader on the journey with you. Use your introduction to set the scene and draw your reader in. Then, use each paragraph to explore different aspects of your favorite moment. For example, if you won a video game competition with your friends, you can talk about the rivalry between you, the rounds of the game, and how you celebrated. For more tips from our Education co-author, including how to edit your essay, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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How to Write a Narrative Essay | Example & Tips

Published on July 24, 2020 by Jack Caulfield . Revised on July 23, 2023.

A narrative essay tells a story. In most cases, this is a story about a personal experience you had. This type of essay , along with the descriptive essay , allows you to get personal and creative, unlike most academic writing .

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Table of contents

What is a narrative essay for, choosing a topic, interactive example of a narrative essay, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about narrative essays.

When assigned a narrative essay, you might find yourself wondering: Why does my teacher want to hear this story? Topics for narrative essays can range from the important to the trivial. Usually the point is not so much the story itself, but the way you tell it.

A narrative essay is a way of testing your ability to tell a story in a clear and interesting way. You’re expected to think about where your story begins and ends, and how to convey it with eye-catching language and a satisfying pace.

These skills are quite different from those needed for formal academic writing. For instance, in a narrative essay the use of the first person (“I”) is encouraged, as is the use of figurative language, dialogue, and suspense.

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Narrative essay assignments vary widely in the amount of direction you’re given about your topic. You may be assigned quite a specific topic or choice of topics to work with.

  • Write a story about your first day of school.
  • Write a story about your favorite holiday destination.

You may also be given prompts that leave you a much wider choice of topic.

  • Write about an experience where you learned something about yourself.
  • Write about an achievement you are proud of. What did you accomplish, and how?

In these cases, you might have to think harder to decide what story you want to tell. The best kind of story for a narrative essay is one you can use to talk about a particular theme or lesson, or that takes a surprising turn somewhere along the way.

For example, a trip where everything went according to plan makes for a less interesting story than one where something unexpected happened that you then had to respond to. Choose an experience that might surprise the reader or teach them something.

Narrative essays in college applications

When applying for college , you might be asked to write a narrative essay that expresses something about your personal qualities.

For example, this application prompt from Common App requires you to respond with a narrative essay.

In this context, choose a story that is not only interesting but also expresses the qualities the prompt is looking for—here, resilience and the ability to learn from failure—and frame the story in a way that emphasizes these qualities.

An example of a short narrative essay, responding to the prompt “Write about an experience where you learned something about yourself,” is shown below.

Hover over different parts of the text to see how the structure works.

Since elementary school, I have always favored subjects like science and math over the humanities. My instinct was always to think of these subjects as more solid and serious than classes like English. If there was no right answer, I thought, why bother? But recently I had an experience that taught me my academic interests are more flexible than I had thought: I took my first philosophy class.

Before I entered the classroom, I was skeptical. I waited outside with the other students and wondered what exactly philosophy would involve—I really had no idea. I imagined something pretty abstract: long, stilted conversations pondering the meaning of life. But what I got was something quite different.

A young man in jeans, Mr. Jones—“but you can call me Rob”—was far from the white-haired, buttoned-up old man I had half-expected. And rather than pulling us into pedantic arguments about obscure philosophical points, Rob engaged us on our level. To talk free will, we looked at our own choices. To talk ethics, we looked at dilemmas we had faced ourselves. By the end of class, I’d discovered that questions with no right answer can turn out to be the most interesting ones.

The experience has taught me to look at things a little more “philosophically”—and not just because it was a philosophy class! I learned that if I let go of my preconceptions, I can actually get a lot out of subjects I was previously dismissive of. The class taught me—in more ways than one—to look at things with an open mind.

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If you’re not given much guidance on what your narrative essay should be about, consider the context and scope of the assignment. What kind of story is relevant, interesting, and possible to tell within the word count?

The best kind of story for a narrative essay is one you can use to reflect on a particular theme or lesson, or that takes a surprising turn somewhere along the way.

Don’t worry too much if your topic seems unoriginal. The point of a narrative essay is how you tell the story and the point you make with it, not the subject of the story itself.

Narrative essays are usually assigned as writing exercises at high school or in university composition classes. They may also form part of a university application.

When you are prompted to tell a story about your own life or experiences, a narrative essay is usually the right response.

The key difference is that a narrative essay is designed to tell a complete story, while a descriptive essay is meant to convey an intense description of a particular place, object, or concept.

Narrative and descriptive essays both allow you to write more personally and creatively than other kinds of essays , and similar writing skills can apply to both.

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How to Write a Summer Vacation Essay

Summer break is a great time to kick back, relax and enjoy yourself and, if you’re lucky, to go on an awesome trip! But how can you translate your amazing vacation into a narrative essay for English class or work it to fit a common application prompt? Here’s some tips to help you out:

Save Mementos From Your Summer

Even if you’re not the sentimental type, make sure to document your summer travels. Take pictures, write diary entries, save train stubs. This is the best way to ensure that you’ll remember your summer well enough to look back and write about it later.

Write an Outline Before Writing Your Essay

Regardless of whether you spent your summer break in Madison, Wisconsin or Madrid, Spain, you should plan out what you’re going to write before diving in. Make a list of what you’ve done over the summer so that you can later narrow down a focus for the essay itself. Keep in mind that the best essay topics aren’t always on the most exciting activities an essay about getting stuck in traffic on the way to the airport on the way to Denver could work better than an essay on hiking the Grand Canyon and looking out at the incredible view.

Be Specific

Since you’re going to keep a record of your trip and come up with an outline before writing your essay, you should be able to put some detail into your essay. Be as specific as possible when it comes to your word choice. If you’re talking about some gelato that you ate in Italy, don’t say that it was “delicious.” Instead, say that it was “creamy and chocolatey, with a note of vanilla.”

Focus on Feelings About Your Trip, Not What You Did

If you spent the summer on the beach in Cape Cod, you shouldn’t write about what you did. You should write instead about how you felt while there. An essay that reads “I went to beach, then had lobster for dinner” is not quite as exciting as one that goes, “As I went for a walk on the beach, I thought about how lucky I was to be able to enjoy nature.” Feelings translate better into text than events, and you should try to place those feelings into context.

Stick to Writing About a Small Moment

With any essay you write especially a short one it’s important to focus a narrow moment in time. Don’t write about your entire week in Paris. Instead, write about the moment you got lost in the city at midnight and fumbled your way home in the dark. You don’t have to pick a particularly glamorous moment from your trip, but you should pick one that meant something to you.

Edit Your Essay Carefully

The shorter the essay, the more important precision is. Regardless of length, make sure to carefully read over what you’ve written to make sure every sentence conveys the message you most want displayed. The editing process matters just as much as the writing process, even if it seems less so.

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Narrative Essay Writing

Personal Narrative Essay

Cathy A.

Personal Narrative Essay - Easy Guide & Examples

16 min read

Published on: Apr 18, 2020

Last updated on: Jan 31, 2024

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A personal narrative essay can be a fun way to share your life story with friends and family. However, most students have no idea how to write a personal narrative essay. 

This can be a challenge. On top of that, it's one of the most common assignments in school.

Is this something that you are also dealing with? Fortunately, you don't have to worry anymore! We are here to simplify the process for you.

This guide will walk you through the process of writing a personal narrative essay step by step. Plus, you can find plenty of examples here to help you get started and avoid common writing mistakes. 

So what are you waiting for, take a step forward to make your essay shine!

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Personal Narrative Essay Definition

What is a Personal Narrative Essay? 

A personal narrative essay is also referred to as short storytelling. It depends on the writer's type of story they want to tell the readers. This type of essay can be composed of the personal experience of the writer. 

A personal narrative essay is usually written in the first person participle. It helps to depict a clear narrative that’s focused on a specific moment.

Usually, high school students are usually assigned to write such essays. Writing these essays helps them to enhance creative writing skills. Also, they help to provide insight into a student’s personal life. 

To write a personal narrative essay, the writer specifies a plot around which the entire essay revolves. Moreover, the plot should also discuss the characters that have played some part in the story.

Sample Personal Narrative Essay (PDF)

How to Start a Personal Narrative Essay?  

The personal narrative essay requires a balance between objectivity and subjectivity. To write about an event or situation with significance, you must first identify what's important to share with the readers.

As with other types of writing - there are some guidelines you need to follow some guidelines. These are;

1. Choose the Right Topic 

A good topic can not just make your essay look good, but also it will make the writing process much easier. Since personal narrative essays are written on personal experiences and thoughts, make sure you choose your most interesting experience. 

Keep in mind that the topic you choose matches the intended audience. It is the reader who decides the scope and success of your essay.

2. Choose a Theme 

You can also choose a theme for your essay. This will help you focus on what you want to say. You can use your personal experiences to explore the theme in depth.  For example, if you choose the theme of love, you could talk about your experience of love with your sister(s).  Alternatively, you can start writing out the story and see if any ideas might relate to a bigger theme. When you are writing, pay attention to any ideas that keep coming up. See if they might be related to a bigger topic.

3. Create a Thesis Statement 

The thesis statement is the most important sentence and tells the reader what your essay will be about.  

In a personal narrative essay, the thesis statement can briefly explore the story's events. Or it can tell the reader about the moral or lesson learned through personal experience. The thesis statement can also present the main theme of the essay. 

For example, if you are writing an essay about your personal experience as a refugee. You may have a thesis statement that presents the theme of freedom.

Check out more thesis statement examples to learn how to write one!

4. Create an Outline 

Once you have your topic, it is time that you create an outline for your essay. The essay outline is an essential element of an essay. It keeps the whole composition in an organized order. 

Also, it helps the reader through the essay. With the help of an outline, a writer can provide logic for the essay. 

Personal Narrative Essay Outline

Being a student, you must know how important an outline is for an essay. It provides an organization with the whole content.

To create an outline for a personal narrative essay, you need to follow the following traditional method.

Introduction

These three major elements of a  narrative essay  are further elaborated down below.

The introduction is the most important part of essay writing. It is the first impression on the reader; by reading this part, the reader decides the quality of the essay. This part should be the most attention-grabbing part. 

It should have an attention-grabbing hook and some background information about the topic. Moreover, it should include the thesis statement, which explains the main idea of your essay.

Keep in mind that the essay introduction should always end with a transition sentence. This will make a logical connection with the rest of the essay. 

Personal Narrative Introduction Example

Body Paragraphs 

After the introduction, the body paragraphs are written. These paragraphs help you to explain the key elements of your personal narrative essay. 

In a standard personal narrative essay, there are usually three body paragraphs. These paragraphs help the writer to describe the subject of the essay in all possible aspects. 

With the help of these paragraphs, the writer describes their point of view to the readers. To support the essay, the time and place of the event happening are also mentioned. Moreover, these paragraphs have all the information about the characters. 

Keep in mind that a body starts with a topic sentence . This sentence is a kind of introductory sentence for that particular paragraph.

Another important thing you need to keep in mind is the order in which you will present the details. Make sure that you use chronological order for this purpose. 

Personal Narrative Body Example

In conclusion, you need to provide the climax of the story. 

In this section of a personal narrative essay, you should wrap up the whole story. Do it in such a way that you provide a summary of the entire essay. 

Your conclusion should be just as impactful as your introduction. End with a memorable sentence or thought that leaves the reader with a lasting impression. You can summarize the main points of your essay or reflect on the significance of the experience in your life.

Make sure that you do not add any new points in this part. It will not give the reader a sense of accomplishment and will leave them in confusion. 

Personal Narrative Conclusion Example

How to Write a Personal Narrative Essay

A personal narrative essay is considered very good when it is expressive, and the reader enjoys your personal narrative. The key to writing an amazing personal narrative is to use sensory details as much as possible.

An excellent narrative essay doesn't tell what happened. Instead, it shows what happened precisely and how you have felt at that moment.

Here is how you can write a personal narrative essay:

  • Start With a Good Hook 

For any type of essay , a hook statement can be a game-changer. But, particularly for a personal narrative essay, hook sentences are very important. 

Usually, the introduction of the essay starts with this sentence. You may use a famous quotation, verse, or an interesting fact for this purpose. This sentence helps to attain the reader’s attention and persuade the reader to read the entire essay. 

  • Vivid Description 

For a narrative essay, it is a must to be vivid enough to let the reader imagine the whole scene. This is why it is necessary that the writer uses as much descriptive language as possible. 

For instance, if you are writing about a visit to the beach, you can describe how the sun felt on your face. On top of that, making use of strong verbs and adjectives will also help to provide an engaging experience for readers.  

  • Use Transition Words 

For any essay, be it an argumentative essay , descriptive essay , or personal narrative essay. It is very important to have some transition sentences and words. These transition words help to make a logical connection in all parts of the essay. 

In other words, the transition words help to make links between the storyline. You may use transition words like this, however, whereas, therefore, moreover, etc.

  • Add Emotions 

The purpose of a personal narrative essay is to show the reader what and how you have felt. Hence don't forget to add the emotions, as you have to make the reader know about the feelings. 

Describe all of the emotions and feelings using very descriptive words. 

  • Be Consistent 

Consistency is the key to writing an essay in a professional way. Make sure that you don't get distracted by any irrelevant details. 

Stay focused on one single point, and add details related to your specific idea.  Make sure that you inter-link all the events of the story in a regular manner. This will help the reader to relate all the events. Also, use first-person impressions as you are writing a personal narrative. 

You also want to show the reader that you are telling your own story. Make sure that you follow the same participle in the entire essay. 

  • Prove the Significance of Your Experience 

You know that behind every event, there is a reason. Similarly, let your readers know the reason behind your essay and its significance. 

Also, mention that the story you just told was important to share. 

As it is a personal narrative, you don't have to provide evidence to prove the significance of your story. Rather, you have to convey a broader message through your story. 

  • Use Dialogue

Dialogue is an excellent way to bring life to your story and make it more engaging. It can reveal the character’s personalities and add a touch of realism to the essay. 

When you use dialogue, make sure to punctuate it correctly and indicate who is speaking.

  • Show, Don't Tell

When writing a personal narrative essay, avoid summarizing events and simply telling the story. Instead, use sensory details to help the reader experience the story with you. 

Describe what you saw, heard, felt, tasted, and smelled to bring the story to life.

  • Reflect on the Experience

Reflection is an important part of any personal narrative essay. It is an opportunity for you to reflect on the experience you are writing about and what it means to you. Take the time to think about what you learned from the experience and how it has shaped you as a person.

Once you are done with writing your personal narrative essay. It's time that you put a little effort into making it error-free. Proofread the essay more than once and look for minor spelling mistakes and other grammatical mistakes. 

This will ensure that you have written an essay like a pro. You can do this yourself or you may ask a friend to do it for you.

To understand better how to write a personal narrative essay, take a few moments to watch the video below!

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Free Personal Narrative Essay Examples

Examples help you to understand things better; here are a few well-written  narrative essay examples . Read them thoroughly and use them as a guide to writing a good essay yourself.

Personal Narrative Essay 750 words

Personal narrative essays can be long or short. It depends on the writer how they want to elaborate things.

750 Words Personal Narrative Essay (PDF)

Personal Narrative Essay Examples for High School Students

Personal narrative essays are often assigned to high school students. If you are a high school student and looking for some good examples, you are exactly where you should be.

Best Summer Memory of My Childhood (PDF)

Near-Death Experience (PDF)

Personal Narrative Essay Examples for College Students

Being a college student, you will often get to write personal narrative essays. Here are a few examples of well-written personal narrative essays to guide college students.

Climbing a Mountain (PDF)

My First Job (PDF)

Want to get a better understanding? Dive into the wide collection of our narrative essay examples !

Personal Narrative Essay Topics

It is important to choose a good topic before you start writing. Here are some interesting  narrative essay topics  you can choose from for your essay.

  • My worst childhood memory
  • My favorite summer activities during vacation.
  • The first time I had a serious argument with my best friend
  • The first time someone broke my heart.
  • Things I could tell myself.
  • How I balance my family life and my professional life.
  • The most important rule in life
  • Teachers who inspired me in my college.
  • Why I love to write a diary
  • My favorite New York Times Article.
  • My favorite movie.
  • Personal advice for the youth of today.
  • How I overcame my stage fear.
  • The toughest decision I have ever made.
  • What I regret most

Need some inspiration to craft your essay? Our expansive list of narrative essay topics will provide you with plenty of ideas!

Personal Narrative Essay Writing Tips

You need to follow a few things in order to start your personal narrative essay in a proper way. Those significant things are as follows:

  • Think of a memorable event, an unforgettable experience, or any that you want to tell the readers.
  • Plan your narrative essay. Make yourself clear on the order in which you want to mention all the details.
  • Start your personal essay with a hook sentence. This will help you to grab the attention of the readers.
  • Use vivid language so that the reader can imagine the whole scene in mind. Describe the actions, mood, theme, and overall plot.
  • Make sure that you use descriptive language.
  • Use proper sentence structure.

In conclusion,

writing a personal narrative essay can be daunting for many students.

So, step into the world of professional essay writing with our specialized narrative essay writing service . We're committed to crafting compelling stories that capture and engage.

For added convenience and innovation, don't forget to check out our essay writer online , an AI tool designed to refine and elevate your writing experience. Join us today and transform your writing journey!

Cathy A. (Literature, Marketing)

For more than five years now, Cathy has been one of our most hardworking authors on the platform. With a Masters degree in mass communication, she knows the ins and outs of professional writing. Clients often leave her glowing reviews for being an amazing writer who takes her work very seriously.

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A narrative essay is one of the most intimidating assignments you can be handed at any level of your education. Where you've previously written argumentative essays that make a point or analytic essays that dissect meaning, a narrative essay asks you to write what is effectively a story .

But unlike a simple work of creative fiction, your narrative essay must have a clear and concrete motif —a recurring theme or idea that you’ll explore throughout. Narrative essays are less rigid, more creative in expression, and therefore pretty different from most other essays you’ll be writing.

But not to fear—in this article, we’ll be covering what a narrative essay is, how to write a good one, and also analyzing some personal narrative essay examples to show you what a great one looks like.

What Is a Narrative Essay?

At first glance, a narrative essay might sound like you’re just writing a story. Like the stories you're used to reading, a narrative essay is generally (but not always) chronological, following a clear throughline from beginning to end. Even if the story jumps around in time, all the details will come back to one specific theme, demonstrated through your choice in motifs.

Unlike many creative stories, however, your narrative essay should be based in fact. That doesn’t mean that every detail needs to be pure and untainted by imagination, but rather that you shouldn’t wholly invent the events of your narrative essay. There’s nothing wrong with inventing a person’s words if you can’t remember them exactly, but you shouldn’t say they said something they weren’t even close to saying.

Another big difference between narrative essays and creative fiction—as well as other kinds of essays—is that narrative essays are based on motifs. A motif is a dominant idea or theme, one that you establish before writing the essay. As you’re crafting the narrative, it’ll feed back into your motif to create a comprehensive picture of whatever that motif is.

For example, say you want to write a narrative essay about how your first day in high school helped you establish your identity. You might discuss events like trying to figure out where to sit in the cafeteria, having to describe yourself in five words as an icebreaker in your math class, or being unsure what to do during your lunch break because it’s no longer acceptable to go outside and play during lunch. All of those ideas feed back into the central motif of establishing your identity.

The important thing to remember is that while a narrative essay is typically told chronologically and intended to read like a story, it is not purely for entertainment value. A narrative essay delivers its theme by deliberately weaving the motifs through the events, scenes, and details. While a narrative essay may be entertaining, its primary purpose is to tell a complete story based on a central meaning.

Unlike other essay forms, it is totally okay—even expected—to use first-person narration in narrative essays. If you’re writing a story about yourself, it’s natural to refer to yourself within the essay. It’s also okay to use other perspectives, such as third- or even second-person, but that should only be done if it better serves your motif. Generally speaking, your narrative essay should be in first-person perspective.

Though your motif choices may feel at times like you’re making a point the way you would in an argumentative essay, a narrative essay’s goal is to tell a story, not convince the reader of anything. Your reader should be able to tell what your motif is from reading, but you don’t have to change their mind about anything. If they don’t understand the point you are making, you should consider strengthening the delivery of the events and descriptions that support your motif.

Narrative essays also share some features with analytical essays, in which you derive meaning from a book, film, or other media. But narrative essays work differently—you’re not trying to draw meaning from an existing text, but rather using an event you’ve experienced to convey meaning. In an analytical essay, you examine narrative, whereas in a narrative essay you create narrative.

The structure of a narrative essay is also a bit different than other essays. You’ll generally be getting your point across chronologically as opposed to grouping together specific arguments in paragraphs or sections. To return to the example of an essay discussing your first day of high school and how it impacted the shaping of your identity, it would be weird to put the events out of order, even if not knowing what to do after lunch feels like a stronger idea than choosing where to sit. Instead of organizing to deliver your information based on maximum impact, you’ll be telling your story as it happened, using concrete details to reinforce your theme.

body_fair

3 Great Narrative Essay Examples

One of the best ways to learn how to write a narrative essay is to look at a great narrative essay sample. Let’s take a look at some truly stellar narrative essay examples and dive into what exactly makes them work so well.

A Ticket to the Fair by David Foster Wallace

Today is Press Day at the Illinois State Fair in Springfield, and I’m supposed to be at the fairgrounds by 9:00 A.M. to get my credentials. I imagine credentials to be a small white card in the band of a fedora. I’ve never been considered press before. My real interest in credentials is getting into rides and shows for free. I’m fresh in from the East Coast, for an East Coast magazine. Why exactly they’re interested in the Illinois State Fair remains unclear to me. I suspect that every so often editors at East Coast magazines slap their foreheads and remember that about 90 percent of the United States lies between the coasts, and figure they’ll engage somebody to do pith-helmeted anthropological reporting on something rural and heartlandish. I think they asked me to do this because I grew up here, just a couple hours’ drive from downstate Springfield. I never did go to the state fair, though—I pretty much topped out at the county fair level. Actually, I haven’t been back to Illinois for a long time, and I can’t say I’ve missed it.

Throughout this essay, David Foster Wallace recounts his experience as press at the Illinois State Fair. But it’s clear from this opening that he’s not just reporting on the events exactly as they happened—though that’s also true— but rather making a point about how the East Coast, where he lives and works, thinks about the Midwest.

In his opening paragraph, Wallace states that outright: “Why exactly they’re interested in the Illinois State Fair remains unclear to me. I suspect that every so often editors at East Coast magazines slap their foreheads and remember that about 90 percent of the United States lies between the coasts, and figure they’ll engage somebody to do pith-helmeted anthropological reporting on something rural and heartlandish.”

Not every motif needs to be stated this clearly , but in an essay as long as Wallace’s, particularly since the audience for such a piece may feel similarly and forget that such a large portion of the country exists, it’s important to make that point clear.

But Wallace doesn’t just rest on introducing his motif and telling the events exactly as they occurred from there. It’s clear that he selects events that remind us of that idea of East Coast cynicism , such as when he realizes that the Help Me Grow tent is standing on top of fake grass that is killing the real grass beneath, when he realizes the hypocrisy of craving a corn dog when faced with a real, suffering pig, when he’s upset for his friend even though he’s not the one being sexually harassed, and when he witnesses another East Coast person doing something he wouldn’t dare to do.

Wallace is literally telling the audience exactly what happened, complete with dates and timestamps for when each event occurred. But he’s also choosing those events with a purpose—he doesn’t focus on details that don’t serve his motif. That’s why he discusses the experiences of people, how the smells are unappealing to him, and how all the people he meets, in cowboy hats, overalls, or “black spandex that looks like cheesecake leotards,” feel almost alien to him.

All of these details feed back into the throughline of East Coast thinking that Wallace introduces in the first paragraph. He also refers back to it in the essay’s final paragraph, stating:

At last, an overarching theory blooms inside my head: megalopolitan East Coasters’ summer treats and breaks and literally ‘getaways,’ flights-from—from crowds, noise, heat, dirt, the stress of too many sensory choices….The East Coast existential treat is escape from confines and stimuli—quiet, rustic vistas that hold still, turn inward, turn away. Not so in the rural Midwest. Here you’re pretty much away all the time….Something in a Midwesterner sort of actuates , deep down, at a public event….The real spectacle that draws us here is us.

Throughout this journey, Wallace has tried to demonstrate how the East Coast thinks about the Midwest, ultimately concluding that they are captivated by the Midwest’s less stimuli-filled life, but that the real reason they are interested in events like the Illinois State Fair is that they are, in some ways, a means of looking at the East Coast in a new, estranging way.

The reason this works so well is that Wallace has carefully chosen his examples, outlined his motif and themes in the first paragraph, and eventually circled back to the original motif with a clearer understanding of his original point.

When outlining your own narrative essay, try to do the same. Start with a theme, build upon it with examples, and return to it in the end with an even deeper understanding of the original issue. You don’t need this much space to explore a theme, either—as we’ll see in the next example, a strong narrative essay can also be very short.

body_moth

Death of a Moth by Virginia Woolf

After a time, tired by his dancing apparently, he settled on the window ledge in the sun, and, the queer spectacle being at an end, I forgot about him. Then, looking up, my eye was caught by him. He was trying to resume his dancing, but seemed either so stiff or so awkward that he could only flutter to the bottom of the window-pane; and when he tried to fly across it he failed. Being intent on other matters I watched these futile attempts for a time without thinking, unconsciously waiting for him to resume his flight, as one waits for a machine, that has stopped momentarily, to start again without considering the reason of its failure. After perhaps a seventh attempt he slipped from the wooden ledge and fell, fluttering his wings, on to his back on the window sill. The helplessness of his attitude roused me. It flashed upon me that he was in difficulties; he could no longer raise himself; his legs struggled vainly. But, as I stretched out a pencil, meaning to help him to right himself, it came over me that the failure and awkwardness were the approach of death. I laid the pencil down again.

In this essay, Virginia Woolf explains her encounter with a dying moth. On surface level, this essay is just a recounting of an afternoon in which she watched a moth die—it’s even established in the title. But there’s more to it than that. Though Woolf does not begin her essay with as clear a motif as Wallace, it’s not hard to pick out the evidence she uses to support her point, which is that the experience of this moth is also the human experience.

In the title, Woolf tells us this essay is about death. But in the first paragraph, she seems to mostly be discussing life—the moth is “content with life,” people are working in the fields, and birds are flying. However, she mentions that it is mid-September and that the fields were being plowed. It’s autumn and it’s time for the harvest; the time of year in which many things die.

In this short essay, she chronicles the experience of watching a moth seemingly embody life, then die. Though this essay is literally about a moth, it’s also about a whole lot more than that. After all, moths aren’t the only things that die—Woolf is also reflecting on her own mortality, as well as the mortality of everything around her.

At its core, the essay discusses the push and pull of life and death, not in a way that’s necessarily sad, but in a way that is accepting of both. Woolf begins by setting up the transitional fall season, often associated with things coming to an end, and raises the ideas of pleasure, vitality, and pity.

At one point, Woolf tries to help the dying moth, but reconsiders, as it would interfere with the natural order of the world. The moth’s death is part of the natural order of the world, just like fall, just like her own eventual death.

All these themes are set up in the beginning and explored throughout the essay’s narrative. Though Woolf doesn’t directly state her theme, she reinforces it by choosing a small, isolated event—watching a moth die—and illustrating her point through details.

With this essay, we can see that you don’t need a big, weird, exciting event to discuss an important meaning. Woolf is able to explore complicated ideas in a short essay by being deliberate about what details she includes, just as you can be in your own essays.

body_baldwin

Notes of a Native Son by James Baldwin

On the twenty-ninth of July, in 1943, my father died. On the same day, a few hours later, his last child was born. Over a month before this, while all our energies were concentrated in waiting for these events, there had been, in Detroit, one of the bloodiest race riots of the century. A few hours after my father’s funeral, while he lay in state in the undertaker’s chapel, a race riot broke out in Harlem. On the morning of the third of August, we drove my father to the graveyard through a wilderness of smashed plate glass.

Like Woolf, Baldwin does not lay out his themes in concrete terms—unlike Wallace, there’s no clear sentence that explains what he’ll be talking about. However, you can see the motifs quite clearly: death, fatherhood, struggle, and race.

Throughout the narrative essay, Baldwin discusses the circumstances of his father’s death, including his complicated relationship with his father. By introducing those motifs in the first paragraph, the reader understands that everything discussed in the essay will come back to those core ideas. When Baldwin talks about his experience with a white teacher taking an interest in him and his father’s resistance to that, he is also talking about race and his father’s death. When he talks about his father’s death, he is also talking about his views on race. When he talks about his encounters with segregation and racism, he is talking, in part, about his father.

Because his father was a hard, uncompromising man, Baldwin struggles to reconcile the knowledge that his father was right about many things with his desire to not let that hardness consume him, as well.

Baldwin doesn’t explicitly state any of this, but his writing so often touches on the same motifs that it becomes clear he wants us to think about all these ideas in conversation with one another.

At the end of the essay, Baldwin makes it more clear:

This fight begins, however, in the heart and it had now been laid to my charge to keep my own heart free of hatred and despair. This intimation made my heart heavy and, now that my father was irrecoverable, I wished that he had been beside me so that I could have searched his face for the answers which only the future would give me now.

Here, Baldwin ties together the themes and motifs into one clear statement: that he must continue to fight and recognize injustice, especially racial injustice, just as his father did. But unlike his father, he must do it beginning with himself—he must not let himself be closed off to the world as his father was. And yet, he still wishes he had his father for guidance, even as he establishes that he hopes to be a different man than his father.

In this essay, Baldwin loads the front of the essay with his motifs, and, through his narrative, weaves them together into a theme. In the end, he comes to a conclusion that connects all of those things together and leaves the reader with a lasting impression of completion—though the elements may have been initially disparate, in the end everything makes sense.

You can replicate this tactic of introducing seemingly unattached ideas and weaving them together in your own essays. By introducing those motifs, developing them throughout, and bringing them together in the end, you can demonstrate to your reader how all of them are related. However, it’s especially important to be sure that your motifs and clear and consistent throughout your essay so that the conclusion feels earned and consistent—if not, readers may feel mislead.

5 Key Tips for Writing Narrative Essays

Narrative essays can be a lot of fun to write since they’re so heavily based on creativity. But that can also feel intimidating—sometimes it’s easier to have strict guidelines than to have to make it all up yourself. Here are a few tips to keep your narrative essay feeling strong and fresh.

Develop Strong Motifs

Motifs are the foundation of a narrative essay . What are you trying to say? How can you say that using specific symbols or events? Those are your motifs.

In the same way that an argumentative essay’s body should support its thesis, the body of your narrative essay should include motifs that support your theme.

Try to avoid cliches, as these will feel tired to your readers. Instead of roses to symbolize love, try succulents. Instead of the ocean representing some vast, unknowable truth, try the depths of your brother’s bedroom. Keep your language and motifs fresh and your essay will be even stronger!

Use First-Person Perspective

In many essays, you’re expected to remove yourself so that your points stand on their own. Not so in a narrative essay—in this case, you want to make use of your own perspective.

Sometimes a different perspective can make your point even stronger. If you want someone to identify with your point of view, it may be tempting to choose a second-person perspective. However, be sure you really understand the function of second-person; it’s very easy to put a reader off if the narration isn’t expertly deployed.

If you want a little bit of distance, third-person perspective may be okay. But be careful—too much distance and your reader may feel like the narrative lacks truth.

That’s why first-person perspective is the standard. It keeps you, the writer, close to the narrative, reminding the reader that it really happened. And because you really know what happened and how, you’re free to inject your own opinion into the story without it detracting from your point, as it would in a different type of essay.

Stick to the Truth

Your essay should be true. However, this is a creative essay, and it’s okay to embellish a little. Rarely in life do we experience anything with a clear, concrete meaning the way somebody in a book might. If you flub the details a little, it’s okay—just don’t make them up entirely.

Also, nobody expects you to perfectly recall details that may have happened years ago. You may have to reconstruct dialog from your memory and your imagination. That’s okay, again, as long as you aren’t making it up entirely and assigning made-up statements to somebody.

Dialog is a powerful tool. A good conversation can add flavor and interest to a story, as we saw demonstrated in David Foster Wallace’s essay. As previously mentioned, it’s okay to flub it a little, especially because you’re likely writing about an experience you had without knowing that you’d be writing about it later.

However, don’t rely too much on it. Your narrative essay shouldn’t be told through people explaining things to one another; the motif comes through in the details. Dialog can be one of those details, but it shouldn’t be the only one.

Use Sensory Descriptions

Because a narrative essay is a story, you can use sensory details to make your writing more interesting. If you’re describing a particular experience, you can go into detail about things like taste, smell, and hearing in a way that you probably wouldn’t do in any other essay style.

These details can tie into your overall motifs and further your point. Woolf describes in great detail what she sees while watching the moth, giving us the sense that we, too, are watching the moth. In Wallace’s essay, he discusses the sights, sounds, and smells of the Illinois State Fair to help emphasize his point about its strangeness. And in Baldwin’s essay, he describes shattered glass as a “wilderness,” and uses the feelings of his body to describe his mental state.

All these descriptions anchor us not only in the story, but in the motifs and themes as well. One of the tools of a writer is making the reader feel as you felt, and sensory details help you achieve that.

What’s Next?

Looking to brush up on your essay-writing capabilities before the ACT? This guide to ACT English will walk you through some of the best strategies and practice questions to get you prepared!

Part of practicing for the ACT is ensuring your word choice and diction are on point. Check out this guide to some of the most common errors on the ACT English section to be sure that you're not making these common mistakes!

A solid understanding of English principles will help you make an effective point in a narrative essay, and you can get that understanding through taking a rigorous assortment of high school English classes !

Need more help with this topic? Check out Tutorbase!

Our vetted tutor database includes a range of experienced educators who can help you polish an essay for English or explain how derivatives work for Calculus. You can use dozens of filters and search criteria to find the perfect person for your needs.

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Melissa Brinks graduated from the University of Washington in 2014 with a Bachelor's in English with a creative writing emphasis. She has spent several years tutoring K-12 students in many subjects, including in SAT prep, to help them prepare for their college education.

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Short Essay: My Adventurous Trip

A couple of short essay examples on an adventurous trip.

Table of Contents

My Adventurous Trip Essay Example 1

Traveling is one of the most exciting experiences one can have in life. It allows us to explore new places, meet different people, and create unforgettable memories. My recent adventurous trip was one such experience that I will cherish for a lifetime. The trip involved hiking through a dense forest, crossing a river, and reaching the summit of a mountain, where I enjoyed a breathtaking view. Despite facing challenges such as unpredictable weather and rough terrain, the trip was a memorable and rewarding experience. In this essay, I will share my experience of this adventurous trip, highlighting the challenges, the exhilarating moments, and the memories that I will cherish forever.

Our trip started with hiking through a dense forest. The forest was full of tall trees, colorful flowers, and chirping birds. The trail was steep and rocky, and we had to be careful while walking. The forest was so dense that we could hardly see the sun, and the air was full of freshness. We had to take breaks in between to catch our breath and hydrate ourselves. As we walked, we could hear the sound of a river, and after a few hours of hiking, we finally reached the river. The river was wide and had a strong current, and we had to cross it to continue our journey. We had to be careful while crossing the river, and we held hands to maintain our balance. The water was cold, and we could feel the current pushing us, but we made it to the other side, feeling proud of ourselves.

The highlight of our trip was reaching the summit of the mountain. The climb was steep and exhausting, but the view from the top was worth every effort. From the top of the mountain, we could see the entire valley, and it was a sight to behold. The sky was clear, and the sun was shining brightly, making the view even more beautiful. We took pictures and sat there for a while, enjoying the serene beauty of nature. We could hear the sound of birds and feel the cool breeze on our faces. It was a moment of pure bliss, and we felt grateful for being able to witness such a beautiful view.

Despite facing challenges such as unpredictable weather and rough terrain, the trip was a memorable and rewarding experience. We had to face unexpected rain and strong winds, which made the climb more challenging. We slipped a few times, but we managed to keep going, motivated by the thought of reaching the summit. The journey was long and tiring, but the memories we created were worth it. We bonded with our fellow travelers, shared laughter, and created memories that we will cherish forever. The trip taught us to be resilient, to push ourselves beyond our limits, and to appreciate the beauty of nature.

In conclusion, my adventurous trip was an unforgettable experience that allowed me to explore the beauty of nature, push my limits, and create memories that I will cherish forever. Hiking through a dense forest, crossing a river, and reaching the summit of a mountain were challenging but rewarding experiences. Despite facing unpredictable weather and rough terrain, we persevered and created memories that will stay with us for a lifetime. The trip taught us the importance of resilience, perseverance, and appreciation for the beauty of nature. It was an experience that I will always treasure and would love to relive again.

My Adventurous Trip Essay Example 2

My adventurous trip was an experience of a lifetime. It was a chance for me to step out of my comfort zone and explore the great outdoors. The trip was filled with activities such as hiking, camping, and kayaking. The beautiful scenery and wildlife sightings made the trip memorable. Overcoming challenges such as inclement weather and physical exertion added to the sense of accomplishment and adventure. In this essay, I will share my experiences of this unforgettable trip.

Hiking was one of the most exciting activities of the trip. We started our hike early in the morning, and the trail was challenging, but the view was worth it. The trail led us through dense forests, and we saw wildflowers, butterflies, and birds along the way. We stopped for a break at a small waterfall, and the sound of the water was soothing. As we continued our hike, we came across a steep incline, which was physically demanding, but we pushed on. At the peak, we were rewarded with an incredible view of the valley below. The sense of accomplishment we felt after completing the hike was indescribable.

Camping was another activity that added to the adventure of the trip. We set up our tents near a lake, and the view was breathtaking. We spent the night sitting around a campfire, roasting marshmallows, and sharing stories. The night sky was clear, and we saw countless stars, which was a beautiful sight. The next morning, we woke up early to go kayaking on the lake. The water was calm, and we saw fish jumping out of the water. We even saw a family of ducks swimming nearby. Kayaking was a peaceful and relaxing experience.

The trip was not without its challenges, however. We faced inclement weather during our kayaking, and it was physically demanding. The waves were strong, and the water was choppy. We had to navigate our kayaks through the waves carefully. At times, it was nerve-wracking, but we were able to push through and complete the activity. Overcoming these challenges added to the sense of adventure and accomplishment.

In conclusion, my adventurous trip was an experience that I will cherish forever. The activities such as hiking, camping, and kayaking, the beautiful scenery and wildlife sightings, and the challenges we faced made the trip unforgettable. It was an opportunity for me to step out of my comfort zone, explore the great outdoors, and create memories with friends. I hope to have more opportunities like this in the future.

My Adventurous Trip Essay Example 3

Going on an adventurous trip is an experience that many people crave. It is an opportunity to explore new destinations, push oneself to the limit, and create unforgettable memories. I recently had the chance to embark on one such journey, and it was an experience that I will never forget. My adventurous trip involved hiking through a dense forest to reach a remote waterfall. Along the way, I encountered challenging terrain and had to navigate through rough terrain. Despite the difficulties, the stunning views and sense of accomplishment made the trip a truly unforgettable adventure. In this essay, I will describe my trip in detail, highlighting the challenges and the rewards that came with it.

The first part of my adventurous trip involved hiking through a dense forest to reach a remote waterfall. The trail was not well-marked, and the terrain was challenging, consisting of steep inclines, muddy patches, and slippery rocks. The dense foliage made it difficult to see the path ahead, and we had to rely on our instincts and map reading skills to find our way through. The forest was alive with the sounds of birds and small animals, and the air was fresh and invigorating. As we got closer to our destination, the sound of rushing water became louder, and we knew we were getting close. Finally, after several hours of hiking, we arrived at the waterfall, and the sight before us was breathtaking. The waterfall was a powerful force of nature, cascading down from a height of over 100 feet. The water was crystal clear, and the surrounding rocks were covered in moss and ferns. It was a sight that made all the hiking and exertion worth it.

The second part of my adventurous trip involved navigating through rough terrain. The terrain was rocky and uneven, and we had to be careful not to slip or fall. At some points, the trail was so steep that we had to use ropes to climb up or down. The weather was also unpredictable, and we had to be prepared for sudden rain or wind. Despite the challenges, the sense of adventure and excitement kept us going. We were a group of friends, and we encouraged and supported each other along the way. We shared food and water, helped each other over difficult patches, and cheered each other on when we reached a milestone. The journey was not just about reaching the destination; it was also about the bonds we formed and the memories we created.

The final part of my adventurous trip was the sense of accomplishment that came with it. After several hours of hiking, navigating challenging terrain, and enduring unpredictable weather, we finally reached our destination. The feeling of standing in front of the waterfall, surrounded by the beauty of nature, was indescribable. It was a sense of accomplishment that came from pushing ourselves beyond our limits, from facing our fears and overcoming them. We took pictures, laughed, and savored the moment. It was a feeling that stayed with us long after the trip was over. The adventurous trip was not just a physical journey; it was also a journey of the mind and the spirit.

In conclusion, my adventurous trip was an experience that I will never forget. It involved hiking through a dense forest to reach a remote waterfall, navigating through rough terrain, and the sense of accomplishment that came with it. The trip was challenging, but it was also rewarding. It reminded me of the beauty of nature, the importance of perseverance, and the power of friendship. It was an experience that taught me to appreciate the simple things in life and to embrace the adventure that comes with it.

About Mr. Greg

Mr. Greg is an English teacher from Edinburgh, Scotland, currently based in Hong Kong. He has over 5 years teaching experience and recently completed his PGCE at the University of Essex Online. In 2013, he graduated from Edinburgh Napier University with a BEng(Hons) in Computing, with a focus on social media.

Mr. Greg’s English Cloud was created in 2020 during the pandemic, aiming to provide students and parents with resources to help facilitate their learning at home.

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How to write a narrative essay [Updated 2023]

How to write a narrative essay

A narrative essay is an opportunity to flex your creative muscles and craft a compelling story. In this blog post, we define what a narrative essay is and provide strategies and examples for writing one.

What is a narrative essay?

Similarly to a descriptive essay or a reflective essay, a narrative essay asks you to tell a story, rather than make an argument and present evidence. Most narrative essays describe a real, personal experience from your own life (for example, the story of your first big success).

Alternately, your narrative essay might focus on an imagined experience (for example, how your life would be if you had been born into different circumstances). While you don’t need to present a thesis statement or scholarly evidence, a narrative essay still needs to be well-structured and clearly organized so that the reader can follow your story.

When you might be asked to write a narrative essay

Although less popular than argumentative essays or expository essays, narrative essays are relatively common in high school and college writing classes.

The same techniques that you would use to write a college essay as part of a college or scholarship application are applicable to narrative essays, as well. In fact, the Common App that many students use to apply to multiple colleges asks you to submit a narrative essay.

How to choose a topic for a narrative essay

When you are asked to write a narrative essay, a topic may be assigned to you or you may be able to choose your own. With an assigned topic, the prompt will likely fall into one of two categories: specific or open-ended.

Examples of specific prompts:

  • Write about the last vacation you took.
  • Write about your final year of middle school.

Examples of open-ended prompts:

  • Write about a time when you felt all hope was lost.
  • Write about a brief, seemingly insignificant event that ended up having a big impact on your life.

A narrative essay tells a story and all good stories are centered on a conflict of some sort. Experiences with unexpected obstacles, twists, or turns make for much more compelling essays and reveal more about your character and views on life.

If you’re writing a narrative essay as part of an admissions application, remember that the people reviewing your essay will be looking at it to gain a sense of not just your writing ability, but who you are as a person.

In these cases, it’s wise to choose a topic and experience from your life that demonstrates the qualities that the prompt is looking for, such as resilience, perseverance, the ability to stay calm under pressure, etc.

It’s also important to remember that your choice of topic is just a starting point. Many students find that they arrive at new ideas and insights as they write their first draft, so the final form of your essay may have a different focus than the one you started with.

How to outline and format a narrative essay

Even though you’re not advancing an argument or proving a point of view, a narrative essay still needs to have a coherent structure. Your reader has to be able to follow you as you tell the story and to figure out the larger point that you’re making.

You’ll be evaluated on is your handling of the topic and how you structure your essay. Even though a narrative essay doesn’t use the same structure as other essay types, you should still sketch out a loose outline so you can tell your story in a clear and compelling way.

To outline a narrative essay, you’ll want to determine:

  • how your story will start
  • what points or specifics that you want to cover
  • how your story will end
  • what pace and tone you will use

In the vast majority of cases, a narrative essay should be written in the first-person, using “I.” Also, most narrative essays will follow typical formatting guidelines, so you should choose a readable font like Times New Roman in size 11 or 12. Double-space your paragraphs and use 1” margins.

To get your creative wheels turning, consider how your story compares to archetypes and famous historical and literary figures both past and present. Weave these comparisons into your essay to improve the quality of your writing and connect your personal experience to a larger context.

How to write a narrative essay

Writing a narrative essay can sometimes be a challenge for students who typically write argumentative essays or research papers in a formal, objective style. To give you a better sense of how you can write a narrative essay, here is a short example of an essay in response to the prompt, “Write about an experience that challenged your view of yourself.”

Narrative essay example

Even as a child, I always had what people might call a reserved personality. It was sometimes framed as a positive (“Sarah is a good listener”) and at other times it was put in less-than-admiring terms (“Sarah is withdrawn and not very talkative”). It was the latter kind of comments that caused me to see my introverted nature as a drawback and as something I should work to eliminate. That is, until I joined my high school’s student council.

The first paragraph, or introduction, sets up the context, establishing the situation and introducing the meaningful event upon which the essay will focus.

The other four students making up the council were very outspoken and enthusiastic. I enjoyed being around them, and I often agreed with their ideas. However, when it came to overhauling our school’s recycling plan, we butted heads. When I spoke up and offered a different point of view, one of my fellow student council members launched into a speech, advocating for her point of view. As her voice filled the room, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I wondered if I should try to match her tone, volume, and assertiveness as a way to be heard. But I just couldn’t do it—it’s not my way, and it never has been. For a fleeting moment, I felt defeated. But then, something in me shifted.

In this paragraph, the writer goes into greater depth about how her existing thinking brought her to this point.

I reminded myself that my view was valid and deserved to be heard. So I waited. I let my fellow council member speak her piece and when she was finished, I deliberately waited a few moments before calmly stating my case. I chose my words well, and I spoke them succinctly. Just because I’m not a big talker doesn’t mean I’m not a big thinker. I thought of the quotation “still waters run deep” and I tried to embody that. The effect on the room was palpable. People listened. And I hadn’t had to shout my point to be heard.

This paragraph demonstrates the turn in the story, the moment when everything changed. The use of the quotation “still waters run deep” imbues the story with a dash of poetry and emotion.

We eventually reached a compromise on the matter and concluded the student council meeting. Our council supervisor came to me afterward and said: “You handled that so well, with such grace and poise. I was very impressed.” Her words in that moment changed me. I realized that a bombastic nature isn't necessarily a powerful one. There is power in quiet, too. This experience taught me to view my reserved personality not as a character flaw, but as a strength.

The final paragraph, or conclusion, closes with a statement about the significance of this event and how it ended up changing the writer in a meaningful way.

Narrative essay writing tips

1. pick a meaningful story that has a conflict and a clear “moral.”.

If you’re able to choose your own topic, pick a story that has meaning and that reveals how you became the person your are today. In other words, write a narrative with a clear “moral” that you can connect with your main points.

2. Use an outline to arrange the structure of your story and organize your main points.

Although a narrative essay is different from argumentative essays, it’s still beneficial to construct an outline so that your story is well-structured and organized. Note how you want to start and end your story, and what points you want to make to tie everything together.

3. Be clear, concise, concrete, and correct in your writing.

You should use descriptive writing in your narrative essay, but don’t overdo it. Use clear, concise, and correct language and grammar throughout. Additionally, make concrete points that reinforce the main idea of your narrative.

4. Ask a friend or family member to proofread your essay.

No matter what kind of writing you’re doing, you should always plan to proofread and revise. To ensure that your narrative essay is coherent and interesting, ask a friend or family member to read over your paper. This is especially important if your essay is responding to a prompt. It helps to have another person check to make sure that you’ve fully responded to the prompt or question.

Frequently Asked Questions about narrative essays

A narrative essay, like any essay, has three main parts: an introduction, a body and a conclusion. Structuring and outlining your essay before you start writing will help you write a clear story that your readers can follow.

The first paragraph of your essay, or introduction, sets up the context, establishing the situation and introducing the meaningful event upon which the essay will focus.

In the vast majority of cases, a narrative essay should be written in the first-person, using “I.”

The 4 main types of essays are the argumentative essay, narrative essay, exploratory essay, and expository essay. You may be asked to write different types of essays at different points in your education.

Most narrative essays will be around five paragraphs, or more, depending on the topic and requirements. Make sure to check in with your instructor about the guidelines for your essay. If you’re writing a narrative essay for a college application, pay close attention to word or page count requirements.

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Narrative Essay on Summer vacation

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Here you will learn how to write a Narrative Essay on Summer vacation by using this example Let’s Start.

Introduction

Each summer is lovely for me due to the fact I spend it with my family. I’m properly aware that people my age spend their summer holidays with friends, partying all the time. However, after a whole year far from my family, I ought to admit I’d always select to spend a summer vacation with my family instead of friends. I will meet them again when the vacation ends.

If a person asks me to select one best vacation that is better than all the rest, I’d have to pick my trip to the Lakedale resort at three Lakes, Washington. The location turns into the best because it is surrounds by three amazing lakes.

Summer vacation location

However, this isn’t my favourite summer holiday simply due to the location. We’ve visited so many great locations during the summers; I’m quite sure some even looked better. What I remember is the fun we had there.

This is probably due to the three lakes, but the choices we had for activities were so many, we couldn’t probably do the whole thing before we went back house. I don’t forget how much we fought over what we’re going to do. My father wants us to do group activities while we go on summer vacation because ‘’It wouldn’t be a family vacation if we don’t stick together’’.

So, if you came and watched us on our family vacations in the summer, you will see very bored parents just sitting after their kids when they’re performing some kid activities. You can additionally see us trout fishing with them because my dad loves fishing.

Adventures of summer vacation

This year that I’m talking about, we fought for a long time about the trout fishing activity. We wanted to go canoeing, so we agreed that they’ll come with us on his, and we might go fishing with them. As it turned out, we had more fun at the fishing expedition than we had canoeing. For our dad, it turned into the opposite.

We fell in the water because this was our first time canoeing and we had no idea what we have been doing. Both my sister and I have been soaking wet because we fell exactly ten times. Due to the fact, my dad has done this in the past, they’d a blast!

When the time came to go fishing, we were devastated by the idea that we’d have to spend a whole day searching for trout when there were so many things we want to do. I desired simply sitting close to the fire pit on a picnic desk all day, instead of looking ahead to a trout to trap my father’s bait.

But, luck was on my side that day. Fishing turned out to be such a fun activity, I’m now convincing my dad to do it every summer. My dad was not so fortunate. He spent over five hours just waiting and waiting, got sunburned and consequently had a fever all night. After an hour of no fish caught whatsoever, he kept shifting towards me in the hope that he’s going to get fortunate, too. But, the fish simply appeared to run far from him and trap on my fishing rod instead.

Unexpected scenario

The next day we decided to be a bit less active considering that my father already had a difficult night with the fever and the stress. We always stay close to the hotel so we joined some organized activities like cooking on a campfire and making tie-dyed shirts. We were all together and didn’t separate from each other for an hour.

This was way before I left the house to go study in some other city. For a family who can’t stand each other and fights all the time at the house, it was a miracle how nicely we agreed and how fun our summer vacation was. Every summer we spend together is like this now, but now it isn’t always such an unusual thing. After over half a year of being separated and not living together, we’d be glad if someone put us in a single room for a whole month. That year, this was the strangest and most surprising twist.

It will always be remembered that summer with my own family. I’ll never be forget about the other locations and holidays, too, but this is the summer when I understand that there is nothing more crucial than family.

I don’t think I’ll ever envy my buddies for spending their vacation partying. I will pity them for being far from their family yet again because vacations and holidays are great to spend with the people you love most. What I do know at this point is that when I’ve my family, I will take them to that same spot and set the same policies as my father. I hope that I will get more fishing sessions with my family.

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10.1 Narration

Learning objectives.

  • Determine the purpose and structure of narrative writing.
  • Understand how to write a narrative essay.

Rhetorical modes simply mean the ways in which we can effectively communicate through language. This chapter covers nine common rhetorical modes. As you read about these nine modes, keep in mind that the rhetorical mode a writer chooses depends on his or her purpose for writing. Sometimes writers incorporate a variety of modes in any one essay. In covering the nine modes, this chapter also emphasizes the rhetorical modes as a set of tools that will allow you greater flexibility and effectiveness in communicating with your audience and expressing your ideas.

The Purpose of Narrative Writing

Narration means the art of storytelling, and the purpose of narrative writing is to tell stories. Any time you tell a story to a friend or family member about an event or incident in your day, you engage in a form of narration. In addition, a narrative can be factual or fictional. A factual story is one that is based on, and tries to be faithful to, actual events as they unfolded in real life. A fictional story is a made-up, or imagined, story; the writer of a fictional story can create characters and events as he or she sees fit.

The big distinction between factual and fictional narratives is based on a writer’s purpose. The writers of factual stories try to recount events as they actually happened, but writers of fictional stories can depart from real people and events because the writers’ intents are not to retell a real-life event. Biographies and memoirs are examples of factual stories, whereas novels and short stories are examples of fictional stories.

Because the line between fact and fiction can often blur, it is helpful to understand what your purpose is from the beginning. Is it important that you recount history, either your own or someone else’s? Or does your interest lie in reshaping the world in your own image—either how you would like to see it or how you imagine it could be? Your answers will go a long way in shaping the stories you tell.

Ultimately, whether the story is fact or fiction, narrative writing tries to relay a series of events in an emotionally engaging way. You want your audience to be moved by your story, which could mean through laughter, sympathy, fear, anger, and so on. The more clearly you tell your story, the more emotionally engaged your audience is likely to be.

On a separate sheet of paper, start brainstorming ideas for a narrative. First, decide whether you want to write a factual or fictional story. Then, freewrite for five minutes. Be sure to use all five minutes, and keep writing the entire time. Do not stop and think about what to write.

The following are some topics to consider as you get going:

The Structure of a Narrative Essay

Major narrative events are most often conveyed in chronological order , the order in which events unfold from first to last. Stories typically have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and these events are typically organized by time. Certain transitional words and phrases aid in keeping the reader oriented in the sequencing of a story. Some of these phrases are listed in Table 10.1 “Transition Words and Phrases for Expressing Time” . For more information about chronological order, see Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” and Chapter 9 “Writing Essays: From Start to Finish” .

Table 10.1 Transition Words and Phrases for Expressing Time

The following are the other basic components of a narrative:

  • Plot . The events as they unfold in sequence.
  • Characters . The people who inhabit the story and move it forward. Typically, there are minor characters and main characters. The minor characters generally play supporting roles to the main character, or the protagonist .
  • Conflict . The primary problem or obstacle that unfolds in the plot that the protagonist must solve or overcome by the end of the narrative. The way in which the protagonist resolves the conflict of the plot results in the theme of the narrative.
  • Theme . The ultimate message the narrative is trying to express; it can be either explicit or implicit.

Writing at Work

When interviewing candidates for jobs, employers often ask about conflicts or problems a potential employee has had to overcome. They are asking for a compelling personal narrative. To prepare for this question in a job interview, write out a scenario using the narrative mode structure. This will allow you to troubleshoot rough spots, as well as better understand your own personal history. Both processes will make your story better and your self-presentation better, too.

Take your freewriting exercise from the last section and start crafting it chronologically into a rough plot summary. To read more about a summary, see Chapter 6 “Writing Paragraphs: Separating Ideas and Shaping Content” . Be sure to use the time transition words and phrases listed in Table 10.1 “Transition Words and Phrases for Expressing Time” to sequence the events.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your rough plot summary.

Writing a Narrative Essay

When writing a narrative essay, start by asking yourself if you want to write a factual or fictional story. Then freewrite about topics that are of general interest to you. For more information about freewriting, see Chapter 8 “The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?” .

Once you have a general idea of what you will be writing about, you should sketch out the major events of the story that will compose your plot. Typically, these events will be revealed chronologically and climax at a central conflict that must be resolved by the end of the story. The use of strong details is crucial as you describe the events and characters in your narrative. You want the reader to emotionally engage with the world that you create in writing.

To create strong details, keep the human senses in mind. You want your reader to be immersed in the world that you create, so focus on details related to sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch as you describe people, places, and events in your narrative.

As always, it is important to start with a strong introduction to hook your reader into wanting to read more. Try opening the essay with an event that is interesting to introduce the story and get it going. Finally, your conclusion should help resolve the central conflict of the story and impress upon your reader the ultimate theme of the piece. See Chapter 15 “Readings: Examples of Essays” to read a sample narrative essay.

On a separate sheet of paper, add two or three paragraphs to the plot summary you started in the last section. Describe in detail the main character and the setting of the first scene. Try to use all five senses in your descriptions.

Key Takeaways

  • Narration is the art of storytelling.
  • Narratives can be either factual or fictional. In either case, narratives should emotionally engage the reader.
  • Most narratives are composed of major events sequenced in chronological order.
  • Time transition words and phrases are used to orient the reader in the sequence of a narrative.
  • The four basic components to all narratives are plot, character, conflict, and theme.
  • The use of sensory details is crucial to emotionally engaging the reader.
  • A strong introduction is important to hook the reader. A strong conclusion should add resolution to the conflict and evoke the narrative’s theme.

Writing for Success Copyright © 2015 by University of Minnesota is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

Niamh Chamberlain

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The Ezra Klein Show

Transcript: Ezra Klein Interviews Caitlyn Collins

Every Tuesday and Friday, Ezra Klein invites you into a conversation about something that matters, like today’s episode with Caitlyn Collins. Listen wherever you get your podcasts .

Transcripts of our episodes are made available as soon as possible. They are not fully edited for grammar or spelling.

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The Deep Conflict Between Our Work and Parenting Ideals

The sociologist caitlyn collins discusses why parenting feels so difficult in america..

From New York Times Opinion, this is “The Ezra Klein Show.”

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So earlier in the week, we released an episode with demographer Jennifer Sciubba looking at falling birthrates around the world. But that was looking at a lot of different countries with very different levels of wealth, very different cultures, very different places.

Today’s episode is a little closer to home. Why have fertility rates fallen so much in America? You’ll sometimes hear, politically from liberals, that it reflects our very family unfriendly policies. We’re unusual, for instance, in having no guaranteed paid family leave, which is nuts, no guaranteed paid sick days, no national child care. Of course, people aren’t having more kids.

But how does this look in countries that are more like us? Caitlyn Collins is a sociologist and the author of “Making Motherhood Work, How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving.” The book is built around more than 130 interviews with middle class women in four countries — Sweden, Germany, Italy, and the U.S.

And we look politically here at Sweden, which has just extraordinarily family-friendly policies, and the U.S., which doesn’t. Having kids sounds a lot easier and better in Sweden. But, spoiler, that hasn’t really changed how many kids families have.

So you have to dig deeper, which Collins has done. What are the parenting cultures like? How are they different, sure, but how are they similar? And how have they changed over time in ways that are similar?

As always, my email, [email protected].

Caitlyn Collins welcome to the show.

Thanks for having me today.

So you have this great term in your book, the “lifeworlds” around parenthood. What is a lifeworld?

A lifeworld is the distinctive social universe of individual experiences, interactions, the organizations and the institutions that shape the employment and child-rearing possibilities that women can envision for themselves.

So what women want and expect, I think what also men want and expect, when it comes to caregiving and employment is confined by this lifeworld, what they can envision for themselves in their daily lives.

What does the lifeworld surrounding parenthood in the U.S. feel like right now? And how is it different, maybe, than it was 30 or 50 years ago?

The lifeworlds for parents in the U.S., to be honest with you, Ezra, seem to be defined by a great deal of stress and overwhelm, unfortunately. So for parents today, there’s an expectation that they are largely going to go it alone when it comes to working for pay in the paid labor force and caring for their children largely on their own, with the expectation that it’s on them and them solely to make this work.

A fabulous study, actually, by Jennifer Glass and Robin Simon and Matthew Anderson has shown that when we compare the feelings of happiness for parents versus non-parents, that gap between parents and non-parents and their levels of happiness is widest in the U.S. of any Western industrialized country.

And they conceptualize parenting in the U.S. as a stressor, and they argue that, in fact, institutional support and resources can buffer the stress that parenthood brings to parents. And of course, unfortunately, the United States has the most family hostile public policy of any country in the Western industrialized world when it comes to supporting work and family.

I remember before I had kids, being very interested in this research on whether having kids made you happier or not. And now that I have kids, I find that research weirdly beside the point. There’s a lot of things in life that are not about making you happier on a hour-to-hour time use survey.

That if you check how happy I am any given hour of the day at work versus when I am at a bar with my friends or reading quietly at a coffee shop or sleeping or something, I might not be happier with it. But it does bring certain kinds of meaning into my life, certain kinds of deeper satisfaction.

And so I also wonder about this discourse that doesn’t feel to me like it has always been true for humanity, That the right way to ask this question is given the universe of things I could do for myself, will having kids make me happier than the other options.

I love this question. And to me, the issue of happiness and studying it, measuring it, quantifying it, cross-nationally is a useful and partial way to understand the role of parenting in an adult’s life.

We know research shows that the vast majority of adults in the U.S. do want to have kids. And the truth is also that 8 in 10 adults today have children during their working-age lives, so the vast majority of adults are navigating employment with child rearing.

And this looks very different here in the U.S. than it does in other countries. And to me, that, as a sociologist, is an interesting question, and it’s part of why pairing these fantastic cross-national survey studies with qualitative interview research, which is my area of expertise, helps to triangulate and paint a much more rich, nuanced, complex picture of what’s going on for parents today.

So one of the things that is motivating this episode and another episode we’re doing is how rapid and striking the change in total fertility rates has been. So in 1958, the total fertility rate in the U.S. was about 3.6. So on average, women are having 3.6 children.

By 2021, it’s 1.66. In Sweden, it’s 1.67. France, a little bit higher, 1.8. Italy, which always surprises me, given that it’s a highly Catholic country, is a little lower, around 1.3. But they’re all somewhat clustered, and that’s a really profound drop in a fairly short number of decades. How do you understand that?

This drop in total fertility rate has been dramatic, and demographers have been trying to puzzle out answers to this question for years now. And we have to take a broader look at the sorts of social, political, historical, economic factors that are shaping, as you said, these lifeworlds of parenthood, right?

So in the past half century, we have seen dramatic, revolutionary change, really, in women’s entrance into the paid labor force, right? So of course, that’s a good thing. Along with paid employment for women comes increased economic independence, access to finances and occupations that provide, again, meaning and fulfillment.

What we also see in this same period of time, of course, is a boom in the way that women can access birth control, for example. They have more power and autonomy when it comes to controlling their reproductive decisions, which is, of course, a fabulous thing.

So the set of factors influencing the sorts of decisions parents — or adults, I should say, make in their daily lives about whether or not they want to have children truly has shifted. When women have a wider array of opportunities available to them, the opportunity cost of having children versus other meaningful avenues to achieve that sense of fulfillment we talked about have really shifted.

So one thing that can change the lifeworld, one thing that can change the lived experience of parenting, is policy — is what a particular country does to support working parents, to support parents of all kinds.

Something I so appreciate about your book is the cross-national nature of it, looking at what this looks like in Sweden and Germany. Let’s start with Sweden because I think that is an example that if you are a liberal who uses the internet, you run into fairly often. What is different about becoming a parent in Sweden?

Oh, Sweden. What is so often held up, this nation, as this gender-equality nirvana, and for very real reasons. I think this stereotype applies. I wouldn’t call it a nirvana for gender equality yet, but they are light years ahead of the United States.

So Sweden has what sociologists refer to as a social democratic welfare state. The state intervenes intentionally in people’s lives with the explicit goal of bringing about gender equality. And that’s, to my American way of thinking, quite revolutionary, right?

They have intertwined their labor market policy and their family policy with this goal of gender equality policy. So let me give you a few examples of what their work family policies look like. In Sweden, parents have the right to 480 days of paid parental leave after their child is born.

If you are single, you get all 480 days. If you are in a relationship, three months of that time is reserved for each parent, and the remaining days can be shared as you like between the two parents. These parental leave days are paid out at 80 percent of your wages.

And very often, as a result of collective bargaining agreements, employers top that up, the last 10 percent to 20 percent, so that you don’t actually receive any pay cut when you take parental leave. So this is a way, I think, of those policies as sending messages.

They are symbolic about what is valued in a given society, and Sweden sends the message that it is paramount that parents have time to spend for those giving birth, to recover from that experience, but also to bond with and care for their child.

So paid parental leave is dramatic. You also have a legal right to reduce your working hours from full time, or 40 hours a week, to 30 hours a week, or a 25 percent reduction in those hours worked, for the first eight years of your child’s life.

Can you imagine how many parents in the U.S. would welcome the prospect of working a 75 percent schedule for the first eight years of their kiddos lives? To me, that feels, again, quite revolutionary.

Sweden also has what is often regarded as the most high quality early childhood and education system in the world where spots are available to children starting at the age of one, and it is highly subsidized by the state.

It’s on a sliding scale, so you pay nothing if you’re a low income family. But the wealthiest families in Sweden, for full time child care including meals and everything for your little ones, the most expensive rate that could possibly be applied to a wealthy family in Sweden is the economic equivalent in the U.S. of roughly $175 a month.

Great. I’m moving to Sweden immediately here.

Right? I can’t tell you the number of times when I say that figure out loud to audiences here in the U.S., and folks either laugh in an angry way or their jaws just drop because for anyone who has kids who are enrolled in some form of child care in the U.S., those numbers sound comical. There are many families who pay $175 a day for child care here.

So the idea that would be a monthly rate is, again, quite revolutionary. And these policies, again, serve the message that child rearing is a collective responsibility that is a public good. It is in our collective best interest for children to be raised well.

So one thing I always wonder about when I hear about these Swedish policies is you can put all this into statutory language. You can say you need to give parents this much time off and these many paid family days and et cetera.

But it’s hard to keep workplaces from preferring people who are not going to take eight months of leave repeatedly. It’s hard to keep workplaces from not preferring people who are going to be available constantly around the clock.

First, is Sweden able to keep there from being what you might call implicit discrimination against parents who fully take advantage of these policies? And if so, how?

So something that struck me so much in spending time in Sweden and interviewing middle class mothers in Stockholm was that truly, work makes way for family for everyone. Not just workers, but managers, folks in the C-suite, also take time away from work to have — I don’t know, leisure pursuits, but primarily to spend time with their families.

Sweden has 25 days of paid vacation a year. You have a right to at least four consecutive weeks of those vacation days in the summer, when the weather and light are awesome, which is rare in Sweden. And to me, that is such a revelatory way to think about the world of work.

Moms would tell me all the time, well, yeah. I mean, I have a boss who’s a man, but he leaves work at 2:45 every day to go pick up his kid from day care. I interviewed an emergency room nurse who said, oh, yeah. The surgeon I work with the most, he’s on a 10 month parental leave right now with his newest child.

And to me, hearing about surgeons taking 10 months of leave felt, again, very different from how we think about this in the U.S. So yes, Sweden is a place that does value the market, but we can see that it has not hurt their G.D.P. It has not hurt economic productivity. It has not hurt creativity and innovation to have folks focus on things other than work.

And to be honest, the level of stress and overwhelm and burnout we feel here in the United States for being obsessed with our jobs, it doesn’t make us better workers. It doesn’t make us more creative and more efficient, right?

The truth is that when we think about, again, our well-being more holistically, I actually think it makes us much better workers.

Tell me a bit about how Swedish policy treats fathers and their role, and how it has tried to change or influence fathers and their role?

Yeah. So Sweden was the first wealthy Western nation in 1974 to implement a gender-neutral paid parental leave, with the idea that men and women alike should be taking time off after they have children.

Sweden had had paid maternity leave for decades. But again, it was quite revolutionary for the state to say, actually, we think men should be involved in this very vital time in a child’s life. There’s abundant research that shows that involving men in these early weeks and months of a child’s life has enormous, wonderful benefits to men and their children and their women partners, if they’re in different gender couples, over the long term.

And so Sweden used policy as a lever to try and incentivize men to take this time off. And they did that with this high wage replacement, where they economically incentivize men to do it such that it would seem, honestly, illogical for men not to take this time off. Why work when you can be paid to stay at home, right?

And so we see absolutely dramatic change on the part of Swedish men, in virtually one generation, go from not taking time off when their kids are born to taking paid parental leave. And it is the case still in Sweden that women still take more of the paid parental leave days than men. But virtually every single father in Sweden takes paid parental leave. And in fact, when I spoke to Swedish fathers, they told me that they would be stigmatized if they didn’t take time off to spend with their children, that people would think something was wrong that they didn’t want to spend time with their children.

And I would say I think it’s really cool here in Sweden that men feel this kind of duty and obligation to be involved so deeply in their kids’ lives. And they would look at me sort of funny and say, obligation? No, I have a right to spend time with my child. Fathers there joke to me, in fact, that often Americans get off the airplane and look around in shock like I was about the sight of so many men in public with their babies, on the metro, in the grocery store, at the park, running errands, at the doctor’s office, and ask why it is in Sweden that so many men work as nannies. And the fact that Swedes have this stereotype about Americans being so confused at the sight of fathers caregiving says a lot about the cultural imagination about parenthood here in the United States.

It’s a very depressing —

Isn’t it so depressing? It’s honestly embarrassing.

And I say that from a household where I do half the parenting, and our nanny is a man. So there’s —

I like it, Ezra.

We are subverting the dominant paradigm here. One of the things, though, that is striking about Sweden is there’s a way the conversation over fertility rates in America go. It’s particularly on the liberal side.

So somebody will point out that the fertility rate is falling, and then liberals will tend to say something like, yeah, it’s incredibly hard to have children here. If only we looked like Sweden. If we want it to be possible, if we want it to be doable to have bigger families, the government needs to support that.

We need paid family leave. We need paid sick days. We need to subsidize child care. We need to make parenting more equitable across the genders. And Sweden did all that. And again, to go back to these numbers again, the U.S. fertility rate in 2021 was about 1.66, and in Sweden, it was about 1.67.

So Sweden has done, I think, functionally every intervention you could possibly imagine to make it easier to parent, and it has probably made it easier to parent. I mean, I think your book has quite a lot of evidence in that direction.

But it has not, on the margin, shifted Swedish parents towards having more children. Why do you think that is?

You’re right. The total fertility rate in Sweden and the United States is virtually identical. And to me, that suggests that public policies are part of the equation. They are a necessary but insufficient set of resources to influence couples’ or individuals’ decisions whether or not to have children.

And the flip side of that conversation about policy, to me, is culture. What’s going on culturally that influences this decision? What are the cultural norms about being a mother, being a father, what it means to be a good mother and a good father?

And one thing that I actually think is quite similar across the two of them, especially for highly educated, socioeconomically advantaged parents, has to do with the very lofty cultural expectations of what it means to parent, quote, unquote, well today. I think we have to be talking about this cultural dimension.

I want to put a pin in that because we are going to talk about that cultural dimension. But before we leave Sweden, one of the things I was thinking about as I looked over their policies and looked at all this data, is that you could call these pro-family policies, and they are.

But I think you could also call them pro-working family policies. You could call them, in a different way, pro-work policies. One way to look at them is these are policies to make it more possible to have high female labor force participation and parenthood, which is great, right?

I don’t want to turn back the clock on full participation in the labor force, either. But that’s actually different, in a way, than policies that are meant to increase family size or policies that are just meant to be pro-family.

Sometimes I think we almost don’t have a language for are we talking about policies to have more children, or are we talking about policies to make it easier to exist in what is in rich countries the modern parenting condition, which is to be a two full-time earner parent household, or maybe even a one parent household with a single parent is a full-time earner.

Are these policies about children, or are these policies about work-family balance?

So in Sweden, these policies are absolutely not pronatalist in intention. The Swedish government has stated outright for decades that is not their goal. The goal is exactly what you pointed to, Ezra, which is about enabling women to participate in the paid labor force.

And Sweden’s work-family policies are oriented at individuals, not at families, which is different than in other Western industrialized countries. These policies try to enable independence and self-sufficiency amongst individuals so that they can make the decisions that feel best for themselves as individuals, not in order to encourage or incentivize them to have children.

And again, this intentionality behind the policy is significant. Like you said, we know lots of other nations very intentionally create policies with the goal of increasing fertility, and that’s not the case in a Swedish context.

One of my conclusions from looking at least some of the policy studies on this issue is that policy just isn’t really effective, at least at any of the margins anyone has been able to try, if what you want to do is increase the birthrate.

I mean, the example to me that stands out most is South Korea, where the birthrate is now below 1. It was 0.81 in 2021, which means that society is going to go a very rapid shrinkage. They’ve spent more than $200 billion, which is a fair amount in South Korea, subsidizing child care and parental leave and other things over the past 16 years. Fertility rate fell in that time from 1.1 to 0.81.

Japan and Singapore have both really wanted to get their birthrates up, and neither have been particularly successful.

Is there any example you know of, putting aside some of the really authoritarian efforts, like Romania back in the day, where policy has been effective at increasing fertility rates? And if not, why not?

No. I know of no nations in which implementing policies has increased the fertility rate. Investing hundreds of billions of dollars in the goal of increasing the number of children women have has been ineffective, which is fascinating, right? There’s more going on here when adults are weighing what they want in their short lives.

Let’s talk about some of that more, that’s going on. So in your book you discuss two competing — not just pressures, but archetypes that are weighing on parents nowadays. So one is the ideal worker norm, and the other is the good mother, good father, good parent norm. So tell me about those, and how they conflict.

So the ideal worker norm — this is a term coined by Joan Acker. The ideal worker norm is the idea that adults today should be fully committed and entirely devoted to their jobs and their employers — available at a moment’s notice, unencumbered by external responsibilities that might diminish from their ability to perform their jobs well.

And competing with this ideal of the ideal worker is, as you said, this intensive parenting norm. And often, we talk about it as an intensive mothering norm because it is primarily mothers who take on the lion’s share of domestic work in households today.

Yes, fathers in decades past did less than men today do. There has been an increase in the amount of time men spend caregiving compared to previous generations of men. But there’s still a large gap between the amount of time men and women spend doing child care and housework today.

And this intensive mothering norm suggests that, as you might guess, child rearing should be time intensive, emotionally involved, and child-centered or child-focused, such that what it means to be a good mother is to be self-sacrificing, to devote yourself entirely to your children’s well-being and upbringing.

And you can imagine why these two cultural norms are in distinct tension with one another. It is categorically impossible to be an ideal worker and an ideal mother at the same time. And so abundant research has shown just how painful that tension is between the two norms.

Sociologist Mary Blair-Loy calls these competing devotions. She talks about the moral weight that adults in the U.S. — especially, again, mothers — feel in that they are unable to feel like they’re giving it their all in the workplace or giving it their all at home.

And I think the tension, the stress of trying to enact both norms simultaneously — to be honest with you, Ezra, I think it’s crushing American parents right now. I’ve heard this time and again in my interviews with U.S. mothers.

I want to add some numbers to this because these shocked me. So these are from a 2006 study that was looking at time diaries from back in the year 2000, so this is even back a bit. But it found that married fathers in 2000 were spending 153 percent more time per week caring for their children than they did in 1965.

At the same time, though, married mothers were spending 21 percent more time with their children than in 1965, even though so many more of them were now working. Single mothers were spending 57 percent more time with their children than in 1965.

So somehow, overall, labor force participation is much higher than it was in 1965. We have this whole kind of ideal worker model and hustle culture and all the rest of it. And we’re also spending more time with our children.

And you’ve done a lot of the qualitative work here. How do you understand this? What did it look like to be raising children in this less intensive parenting sphere, and how does it look differently now?

This is so interesting and so complicated to me. So there are still 24 hours in a day, just like there were decades ago, and yet parents have eked out even more time to spend with their children than in decades past.

And to me, as you said, that’s remarkable because the vast majority of adults participate in the paid labor force, and most of them do so full time. So full time work in the U.S. is roughly 40 hours a week, and we know many folks work over 40 hours a week.

There just aren’t that many hours in the day left. And yet these intensive parenting norms suggest that the cultural imperative is to spend as much time with your children as possible. And in addition, you should be cultivating your child, thinking about what it means to help them develop optimally.

And so many parents today talk about, for example, all the extracurricular activities they’ve decided to enroll their children in, and the schlepping to and from that is required to get these kids to and from the many activities that especially middle class parents are enrolling their kids in.

And to be honest, Ezra, something has to give. There’s only so many hours in the day. And what I heard mom say over and over again to me is what has changed is time to themselves, time to foster their romantic relationship with their partner, with their friends, time to exercise, time to engage in leisure pursuits that also help bring meaning to their lives.

So many women told me, this time in my life, I work, and I care for my children, and that’s all I have time for. I will get back to the rest when I don’t have kids at home anymore. So they’re really sacrificing their well-being, right? To me, that feels remarkable, and also really alarming, to be honest with you.

I feel like this as a father, too. But the thing I don’t quite understand about it is — and my kids are quite young. My kids are 5 and 2. When I think about the way I parent, it’s not clear to me what it would mean to not be parenting this way. I mean, they can’t put on their clothes by themselves. They’re just not that capable.

And the older one can put on some of his clothing by himself if he’s in the mood to. When you look at those numbers, what were people doing? What was this less intensive kind of parenting? I mean, what were these kids doing all day?

Good question, Ezra. And I’m laughing to myself. I have a 18-month-old, and she definitely can’t dress herself. And she would never wear shoes if it was up to her, but it turns out she needs shoes on and someone has to put those on her body, right?

So the actual labor involved in keeping your child healthy and safe, I would argue, is probably similar. But when I talk to my own mom and my own grandmother about their experiences parenting compared to mine, especially when I talk to my grandma, she is shocked about how much time I spend with my daughter and also shocked about how I take her places.

When I send her photos of us at the park, at the zoo, at the museum, at the grocery store, out to lunch with us, she is struck at the fact that my child is engaged in the public sphere with me and that we do so many child-centered activities in addition to things we just need to get done, like grocery shop together. And she’ll say to me, yeah, but she’s just a baby. What are you doing? And it hasn’t occurred to me not to do some of these things. Like you were saying, what’s the alternative?

And for my grandmother, at least, upper middle class in Los Angeles, she often dropped — my understanding is, dropped my mom and my uncle off at the grandparents’ house, and they just kind of toddled around and took care of themselves. And of course, I’m sure that wasn’t the case when they were teeny babies.

But the intensive supervision, I think, looked very different for folks of my grandmother’s generation than now. At home, I’m often with my daughter doing art at her little arts and crafts table. I’m reading books with her, or maybe she’s looking at a little book for 60 seconds while I try to catch up on the news on my phone or — I don’t know — review an article or something for work.

And my mom recounts, especially when she was — I don’t know — maybe elementary age, leaving the house in the morning. This is that stereotypical idea of leaving the house, and my grandparents having absolutely no idea where she was all day long. And sometimes she would come home for dinner, and sometimes she wouldn’t. And that just didn’t really matter. She was left to her own devices, and that was considered much more normative. And of course, the sorts of social structures, the architecture of our neighborhoods in terms of children spending time with one another in little bands roving around neighborhoods, was also very different than it is today.

Let me pick up on something there, which is this idea of are the children in the parents’ world or is the parent in the child’s world? And then there are also others, right? Are the children just in a world with other children, the parents just with other parents?

And something I noticed in modern parenting that feels different to me than what I read about from past eras is that, at least in my cohort, on the weekends, the parents are in the children’s world. It’s just an endless procession of this playground, Brooklyn Children’s Museum, go here.

As the kids get older, you take them to sports. You take them to martial arts. You take them to dance class, whatever it might be. There’s tutoring. When I look back, it seems like much more of the kids were forced to tag along in the parents’ world. I mean, they were working on —

Absolutely.

To be a little bit glib about it, they were working on the farm. But there was also, it seemed to me, a kind of discipline where the kids were expected to sit quietly in church. The kids were expected to — sometimes people talk about being seen and not heard. I don’t know exactly how true that was.

But it’s very much not how a lot of us parent today, where it’s like anytime my five-year-old wants to be heard, that kid is getting heard. And then, as you mentioned, there’s the roving bands of kids, where the older ones take a little bit more care of the younger ones.

We sometimes talk about whether or not society is pro-natal or anti-natal, but it sometimes feels to me that we’ve become like pro-child and anti-natal. We’re so pro-child that you can’t have many children.

Maybe it’s pro-child and anti-children is a different way to put it. And another canonical example is just the rules on car seats, where if you want to have more than two kids, you just need a really big car now because you have to have a ton of car seats. And they’re not going to fit in a Prius, or they’re not going to fit in a Honda Civic.

So there’s something there about the way in which we have oriented towards individual children such that having lots of children has become incredibly daunting.

Exactly. It, to me, gets back to this cultural ideal of what it means to be a good parent. And intensive parenting, again, requires that this is incredibly emotionally absorbing. It tends to be quite expensive. It should be time consuming, and it should be child-centered. Sitting around and doing arts and crafts is something that my grandmother really can’t fathom. She’d be like, she’s a year and a half. She’s just drawing scribbles on paper. What’s the deal? And in my head, I’m like, well, this is a sensory activity, right? I follow Instagram accounts that tell me how important sensory play is to help my child develop her socioemotional skills and creativity.

And that to me feels so wildly different than how parents of previous generations have thought about passing the time with children.

And like you said, Ezra, I don’t know how to do it differently, to be honest with you.

I mean, weekends, after I have spent two solid days with my child, when I go back to work on Monday morning, I’m like, ooh, OK. Now I get to have my easier workweek, which feels so much less intensive and involved than caregiving for my child full-time, to be honest with you.

And of course, it would be categorically quite difficult to do that with a whole bunch of kids. You can’t give them the time and attention and resources that we think children need in order to turn out, quote, unquote, well.

What does “well” mean, I guess, is part of what my question is here because these cultural ideals are really moral imperatives that get to the heart of what it means to be a good person, but also a good mother, a good father, a good adult, a good parent. And these, again, are so morally weighty that not fulfilling these ideals would make us feel really, really bad about ourselves.

This feels like it also bears on the question of why a lot of what gets called pro-family policy does not have an impact on birthrates.

Because if you think back to the — or if I think back to the Swedish policies we were talking about earlier — and I’ll say something here that makes me both sound like a bad liberal and a bad parent, although I want people to have a lot more paid family leave than they do. They idea of taking eight months off of work for each kid, I shudder. To just sit there staring over an infant — I love my children. I absolutely love them, and that’s a lot of time to do that. I don’t know how to say this differently, and I want people to have the options they want to have in life. But that is a policy built around intensive parenting.

I don’t know what the policy structure would be to encourage eh parenting. I don’t know what you’re supposed to do as a policymaker to make it easier to be like, yeah, you go play outside. But there is something here that if you understand — I mean, if you wanted to conceptualize, the fertility rate is a problem. And behind that problem is the idea that we have just made parenting too hard and intensive. I mean, most of the policies that I can think of are operating within the structure of you should be able to spend more time with your children, more and more and more time.

And I’ve taken parental leave for both of my children, and that time was really important to me. But there is some issue here that I think is a little bit harder to conceptualize or resolve between what does it look like to say, from a policy or a cultural perspective, that we like children, and we think children are great, and that it’s not supposed to be exactly a whole other job?

Man, this is so thorny and important. And I think it gets to the heart of this broader demographic issue around total fertility rates, Ezra, because what we’re talking about is how we spend our time minute to minute, day to day, with our children feels often wonderful and often very exhausting.

That’s just the truth of contemporary life as a parent today. And I think back to what you just said about parental leave. I also took paid parental leave with my daughter, and I look back on that time thinking, I’m so glad I had it, and I’m so glad I survived it because it was really hard.

And I want to draw a comparison to Sweden for a moment to drive this point home. Because virtually all parents take substantial paid parental leave, they have also built a number of infrastructural supports to help parents during this time.

So for example, there are community centers attached to public parks where parents regularly go when they’re on parental leave and their other — if they’re partnered, their partner has gone back to work. And there are little classes or meetups or informal gatherings or little child-centered activities, like a little music class or something.

Your baby might be eight months old, but you just kind of sit and play and do something that gets you out of the house and around other people who are going through the same thing you are. And to me, this source of communal support sounded absolutely vital to parents I interviewed in Germany and Sweden.

It got them out of the house. It got them around other people. It got them in conversation with other parents who were struggling with the same thing, like introducing your child to solid foods for the first time is a really big deal. And being able to talk about that with other parents rather than sitting at home, stressed on your phone, trying to figure out the right way to cut up blackberries so that your child doesn’t choke on it.

It’s much easier when you’re having these conversations in community. And I think parenting in isolation here in the States is part of what makes it so profoundly difficult, exhausting, and overwhelming to be a parent in the U.S.

And having abundant playgrounds — I mean, Ezra, you walk around Sweden — I should talk about Stockholm, in particular, urban areas. They are flooded with gorgeous parks and playgrounds for kids, and families flood there as soon as kids get out of day care.

And it’s so fun to not be able to walk more than a block or two without stumbling across one of these. It is an immensely family friendly cultural environment and also built infrastructural environment that feels so different from the U.S.

I want to pick up on a tension that I think is lurking here because we’re talking about intensive parenting. We’re talking about being the ideal worker. And we’re talking about all of these as external pressures.

But there’s also the internal pressure, the intrinsic motivation. And the pressure of one’s own identity, where one derives their meaning from. I mean, you and I have now both confessed to finding parental leave beautiful and hard.

And for me, one reason it’s hard — and I recognize not everybody has a job they love and derive tremendous meaning from, but I’m lucky to have that. And a lot of people I know have that, and in general, our society is set up to tell people to get a lot of meaning from their work. And this is something people, I think correctly, critique.

But nevertheless, we have built — I mean, from the time you are young, you are in school. You’re being pushed into standardized testing, pushed into bolstering your college application résumé with all these extracurriculars. Then you go to college, and eventually, this is all to get a job and a career and then to advance in your career.

And so we train everybody, at this very deep level, from very early on, to put a tremendous amount of their self-worth into how their career is going and what is happening in their career and what is happening in their work.

And then all of a sudden, you have children. And the demand is to first shift a tremendous amount of that self-identity to your parenting, to your family. But also there’s just, I think, at some level, you can only be so good a parent and a worker at the same time.

And that’s not just the outside world asking it of you. It’s the inside world, to say nothing of any hobbies you might have, to say nothing of what it means to be a person yourself. But to have a culture that is so built around professional identity and then also prizes intensive parenting, I just wonder if that is actually a tension you can resolve.

Good question, Ezra. And I think important to this conversation is kind of rendering visible the truth that, as you said, lots of folks aren’t fortunate enough to be in jobs from which they derive meaning and fulfillment. But of course, jobs in the United States are also the primary way that we access security for ourselves and our families, right? Our health care is tied closely to our employment these days. Social Security and other benefits are tied to our employment. So not only is this about self-identity and fulfillment, but I think part of it is about what it means to secure — to create security for yourself and your family long term. And I’m right there with you. My job matters a lot to me. I love being a professor, and I also really love being a mom. But I have about as wonderful a set of resources at my disposal, both in my personal life with my wonderful partner, who’s quite egalitarian in our family, and also on the job, to help me have what I might call the ideal, probably, work-family balance of anyone I can think of. And yet, Ezra, I am still exhausted. [LAUGHS]

I heard this from my American interviewees all the time. They are obsessed with the concept of time because they feel like they are short on it constantly — not enough time, carving out time, eking out time. I thought to myself before leaving for work, maybe I won’t make my bed so that I can get to work five minutes earlier in the morning because I need to meet a deadline. And when I zoom out and look at myself thinking that question, I’m like, this is insanity. Whether or not I make my bed has no bearing on whether my day is going to go poorly or well. But it doesn’t matter how many policy supports I have.

The fact that my job is very intensive and demanding and caring for my daughter is very intensive and demanding is a tension that I don’t think can be resolved by even the best set of policies and resources. And in truth, it’s just because parenting is hard, right? Both the time and the resources necessary to do it are kind of nonnegotiable.

What I would really love is to live in some sort of cohousing community where my dear friends, who I want to co-parent with, share, for example, a communal kitchen, and we rotate meals and cleaning responsibilities because the isolation of feeling like my partner and I are raising our kid without community support, to me, is part of why this feels so exhausting.

Oh, see, now you’re really talking my language. All I want here is to move to a future of utopian co-parenting communes.

Yes. Let’s make it happen.

That’s my actual solution to all this.

Right? And that means we have to change the structure, the architecture of our homes and our neighborhoods. We have to think creatively and expansively about what it means to create families for ourselves that give us the support and the meaning and fulfillment that we all both need and deserve.

You’ve had an episode before about what kind of relationships you would have if you could choose them, right? You’ve had episodes about polyamory and folks who are co-parenting. You and I were just talking about cohousing communes. I think we need to think, again, much more creatively and expansively about envisioning the life we want for ourselves than the pretty current limited and limiting set of options we envision.

The only thing we have to change is everything.

Just everything. No big deal.

One of the things that operates in the background here is just this enormous, crushing guilt. I think I’m a pretty good parent. I try really hard. I have a very close relationship with my kids. I just constantly feel guilty. And they make me feel guilty, to be fair. They’re very good at that. And then I also feel guilty sometimes at work. I’m pretty good at my job, but you know, everything is just — you’re always making choices, taking from one or the other, to say then nothing of how often am I calling my family, am I showing up for my friends, right?

It’s not possible to do everything as well as you want to do it. Am I taking care of myself? I was so impressed that you sometimes make your bed. That sounds wonderful. But yeah, you must be really time rich to be making your bed daily.

Rachel Cohen at Vox had a really interesting piece a couple months back about how millennials are coming to dread motherhood and parenthood and how the dominant language discussion — I mean, even in this conversation about it — it really front loads this set of just really negative feelings.

And she writes, quote, for at least the last decade, women of my age have absorbed cultural messaging that motherhood is thankless and depleting, straining careers, health, and friendships and destroying sex lives. Today, it’s genuinely difficult to find mainstream portrayals of moms who are not stressed to the brink, depressed, isolated, or increasingly resentful.

What do you see in the way that the portrayal and conversation about motherhood has changed in recent decades, and what it looks like in different cultures?

I think Rachel is right in her depiction of how we think about motherhood here in the United States. I think that dread is real. And I mentioned that I took paid leave with my daughter after she was born.

And I would say the six month mark is about when your little bean becomes like a person you can interact with in a way that feels fulfilling. But I remember telling a girlfriend who was pregnant, my daughter is so fun. I have so much fun with her.

And she got teary and said, you do? She’s fun? You have fun with her? I said, absolutely. Taking her to the tile store with me and to pick out glasses at Warby Parker, it’s so much more fun because she’s along for the ride with me than if I was there by myself.

And this was kind of revelatory for her. And she said, thank you for sharing that with me because no one has talked to me about it being fun to have kids. And the truth is, it is so fun to hang out with my daughter. She makes me laugh all day long.

In addition to it being exhausting to care for her, we have a blast together. And I think the truth is that most U.S. parents lack the time and resources to access the wonderful parts of parenthood. And to me, that is the devastating consequence of this lack of public policy support for parents, and this is why it looks very different in other countries.

As you mentioned, Swedish moms, for me, talk about spending wonderful time with their children, and they also feel guilty. The difference is that they can use the policies available to them to alleviate that guilt.

So moms in Sweden did tell me they wanted to make sure they were getting enough time with their children. They worried about their children’s well-being. They worried about their working hours. However, moms could use policies like schedule flexibility, as I mentioned, to spend more time with their children, if that’s what they wanted.

Many parents in Sweden told me that they would, for example, pick up their children every day from day care at 3 p.m. in order to spend the kind of quality time with them that gave them meaning and fulfillment and, again, that joy and happiness we’ve been discussing. And having more time and resources to access the joy to me feels like a crucial piece of the puzzle that we’re missing here.

But is this just a time and resources question? So something in my mind here is you go back to 2007, the U.S. total fertility rate is 2.12. So it’s fallen by more than 16 percent since then. And our family policy did not get worse. Whether we’re working to not change dramatically.

But I do think there’s a way in which digital media and social media and everything else has created, across a lot of domains, a preference for highly negative conversations. Everything in politics is terrible. Parenting is terrible. I’m super anxious. We’re seeing a big teen mental health crisis.

And I do wonder sometimes if it hasn’t become harder to talk about anything being good. If you say something is good, you have to confess your privilege in six different ways before you do so. I was just thinking, when you were telling that story about your daughter, there’s actually nobody in the world — in the entire world, and I have the most doting mother. I have friends who adore me. I have a great marriage. Nobody in the world is nicer to me than my five-year-old. Nobody is more purely nice to me than he is.

What a beautiful statement.

And it’s just not something I talk about that much. I do wonder, to Rachel’s point, if there isn’t a way that the conversation feeds on itself, if it becomes self-fulfilling. It is safe to confess your exhaustion. It is not safe to confess your joy.

But also, there’s something about the things we learn how to notice in our world. The stories we tell ourselves also become the stories we exist in, right? If we are taught to notice what is so hard, we will primarily notice what is so hard. If we’re taught to feel guilty all the time, and we’re hearing everybody else feeling guilty all the time, we will feel guilty all the time.

And so I do wonder if this is all about policy and material resources because fertility rates are going down fast. But it’s not like the world is getting worse fast, in terms of those things. Most family policy has gotten better. People have gotten richer.

And we’re still seeing these declines. And so it does seem to me there’s got to be something happening that is beyond, that is not just policy and money and time.

Yes, and this gets back to the issue of culture I think you’re spot on here, Ezra. First of all, I would love to hear more about how nice your son is to you. That sounds like a fabulous topic of conversation to me.

Four-part series.

[LAUGHING] The truth is here, you’re right. We do not talk about the more positive aspects. You mentioned guilt, Ezra. To me, guilt matters a lot here. I wrote an article about guilt across these four countries because to me, it is an internalized way we see these cultural ideals manifesting in our sense of self.

And to me, that’s a big problem, and we need to push back on it. I also want to interject here with a point about inequality. Often, when I interviewed women here in the U.S., when they mentioned taking two months off for paid parental leave, when they mentioned that they liked the child care that their kiddo is enrolled at, they always, always followed it up with telling me how lucky they were.

I’m really lucky that I got two months off of paid leave, which, again, Swedes would be appalled at. I’m really fortunate that we can afford a good quality day care for my kid. And to me, this is a way that socioeconomically advantaged folks deal with the discomfort of living in a deeply unequal society where they know other folks are way less fortunate, less privileged.

So me complaining about my kid, and then following it up with, oh, but I’m so lucky, is one way to address this strident inequality. And in the other three countries in Europe where I conducted interviews, in Italy and Sweden and Germany, moms did not use a discourse of privilege to talk about the things that they appreciated by way of support.

They talked about it with a sense of entitlement, as a right to have time with their children, to have paid parental leave, to have good quality care for their children. And that, to me, feels very different about the U.S. compared to these other countries, is that we feel grateful for anything because, again, we are told to think that child-rearing and our family’s well-being is our personal and private responsibility. And that’s just not how all these other societies structure it.

But there’s also a way in which that discourse can lead us to flat in ways in which the data doesn’t back up what that would imply. So I’m just looking here at a chart of birthrates in the United States in 2019 by household income, and the birthrates are higher when you go down the income ladder, not up.

People making $200,000 or more, people making $150,000 or more are having fewer children than people making $25,000 or less, people making $50,000 or less. There’s a recent Pew survey where 80 percent of respondents described parenting as enjoyable, quote, “all or most of the time.” But crucially, low income parents, Black parents, Hispanic parents, were most likely to rate it highly, not least likely to rate it highly. What do you make of that?

I have seen these statistics. And to me, this has to do with, again, the sorts of privileges that accrue to folks in positions of advantage means that the opportunity cost to having children is much higher when you are advantaged. When you have a degree that gives you access to a variety of fabulous jobs, the idea of having children and, perhaps honestly, having to step away from or pivot your trajectory in that fantastic career trajectory looks very different when you’re advantaged compared to when you — in the United States, anyway — don’t have access to those sorts of opportunities in the paid labor market or in the world of education, for example.

And there’s research by Kathy Eden, a sociologist, with low income mothers who talk about putting parenting before marriage. And they talk about how much, again, meaning and fulfillment they derive from parenting, and how prioritizing that over a job or even a marriage mattered because it was a source of stability and a source of fulfillment and connection that they desperately desired. And I understand completely why that would be the case.

And this opens up, too, the question of values and meaning. I mean, something we observe not in every single subgroup, but I think overall, this is true, is that more religious communities have more children than more secular communities.

And what you were just saying, that when you’re more privileged, you have more of these choices of affluence, more places to get — not just meaning, but again, going back to something we talked about at the beginning, fun, happiness, delight. You’re deciding whether to do more international travel or not, deciding what to do in your career.

And I wonder about the values. But there is something that when you observe it at a population level about this question of societies that understand themselves as in continuity, cultures that understand themselves as about what comes after them, and cultures that are highly individualistic, highly built around not just individual choice but individual satisfaction, such that it makes a ton of sense to ask the question, is having children going to make me happier?

Will it be a more pleasant or less pleasant choice for the next seven years? And if the answer is less pleasant, maybe that’s a good reason not to do it. And it’s funny because on any individual level, I think that choice is totally fine to make. And then when you see it happening across the society, you begin to wonder, well, what do I think of a society that just doesn’t value children on their own merits that much because it’s kind of a pain in the butt for a lot of the adults?

It does make you wonder. And to be honest with you, Ezra, as a sociologist, as a feminist, I don’t really care about our total fertility rate as a policy target. If you asked me, I would tell you, we should open up our borders and let immigration solve our, quote, unquote, “fertility problem.”

I don’t think that we should try to be using policy as a lever to encourage more births. What I do care deeply about is creating a society in which adults can make choices for themselves that bring them, again, as we’ve been talking about today, joy, meaning, fulfillment, happiness, a sense of wholeness.

That’s what matters to me. I want to create a society where people feel they have the opportunity and power — I call this in my book, rather than this goal of work-family balance for parents, I really think about the term justice, thinking about this as political in orientation, that parents really deserve — men and women alike — the opportunity and the power to participate fully in paid work and in child rearing, should they elect to do so. And supporting parents to give them a multiplicity of options to pursue those identities is my goal, not just increasing the birthrate.

Let’s say you do care about the birthrate. And I hear you, that you may not. Given that we’ve talked about the ways policy does not have a lot of leverage on this, what does change culture? Because I think the place where I get a little nervous about a pure choice framework is that the choices we even want to make — and we’re not even getting to make those. I mean, on average, people want to have more children in the United States than they are having.

But people’s — the choices they want to make are very dependent on the culture around them, what the people who they know are doing. In a world where a lot of people have four kids, having four kids becomes something you can really imagine. In a world where almost nobody does, it’s like you’re the unusual couple with four kids. In a world where all of your friends don’t have kids until their early to mid-30s, having kids at 24 becomes a very almost countercultural decision. So individual choice, it’s so also communal that I almost never know what to think about it.

But how do you change culture? If you wanted to have a culture, if you think, as I kind of think, that our culture is too tilted towards the achievements of work and just not towards other things. Not just family, honestly, but just living. What is the leverage on culture?

Oh, Ezra, this is what keeps me up at night, thinking about culture and social change, positive social change. But you’re right, our reference groups really matter. And I think this era of the digital age in which we now live means that perhaps our reference groups are opening up because we have access to understanding what life looks like for other people in a way that we didn’t when we didn’t have the world at our fingertips on our phones. And to me, culture change here is absolutely vital, especially when we’re thinking about, for example, gender, thinking about who can and should care for children. How do you bring about revolutionary social change?

I do know scholars in this arena talk about what they call punctuated equilibrium, that things kind of stay the same until there are dramatic events that really upend things. And that often is an opportunity that creates fissures in our cultural collective imagination, where we can envision how life might look a little bit different than it does right now.

And to me, the pandemic was — there was a lot going on in the pandemic, as it relates to our conversation today about parenting and employment. We are not going to hope for another life-upending and tragic circumstance like that, of course. But the pandemic brought about an absolute about-face in some of our understandings, for example, in the world of work. The possibility for remote work opened up tremendous possibilities for parents, for example. Activists have been calling for more flexible remote work options for decades, both for feminist reasons. Also folks in the disability movement have been calling for remote work also, to bring about more autonomy for disabled folks in their world of work.

So big disruptions like the pandemic — which is, of course, entirely unexpected — can bring about cultural change. Shifting the cultural narrative about what is possible for adults, to me, requires thinking broadly and expansively in kind of liberatory terms and turning to communities that maybe we don’t often put the spotlight on to think about how we might do this differently.

So my colleague Ross Douthat wrote this essay in 2020 that I think about sometimes. And he’s taken on this argument that it’s selfish to not have children, and he kind of flips it on its head. He says, quote, “The deepest reason to have more kids is self-centered in a radically different way. Having a bunch of kids is a form of life most likely to force you toward kenosis, self-emptying — the experience of what it means to live entirely for someone other than yourself.”

And what Ross goes on to say in this piece is that we are getting meaning wrong. Ross comes from a different politics than I do, but he’s more critical of the individual rights-focused secular liberalism that dominates, particularly in a lot of elite circles now. And this idea that you will live a more rooted, meaningful life if you are actually more tethered towards responsibility, towards community, towards family, towards others, is actually something we should be pursuing for ourselves, not just for others. It’s not sacrificial. Actually, what we’re doing here might sound good, but it’s not the way to pursue a deeper happiness. I’m curious how you think about that.

That’s powerful and compelling to me. And you’re right, perhaps different from how I tend to think about this. We think about parenting sometimes through this lens of altruism. But of course, having children can be deeply meaningful for ourselves.

I think parenting can be the utmost act of selflessness and selfishness at the exact same time. I don’t think we need to use either/or language to talk about what it means to be a parent and to care give and to submit your time and resources toward the well-being of someone other than yourself. I think of that as something that can give you tremendous meaning, I guess, of course, in the emptying, but also in the fulfillment at the same time. We can think of that through the lens of both/and rather than either/or.

And then always our final question, what are three books you would recommend to the audience?

Oh, three books. I mentioned one already by Mary Blair-Loy called “Competing Devotions: Career and Family Among Women Executives.” This is a groundbreaking interview study with women executives in the financial services industry.

And Mary is really powerful in leveraging this interview data to show us the moral weight of these competing devotions between work and family. I think it’s a must-read for anyone interested in this topic.

A second book is by Dawn Dow called “Mothering While Black: Boundaries and Burdens of Middle Class Parenthood.” And I think of Don’s book as this fabulous, crucial complement to my own about the necessity of an intersectional approach to studying work and family.

And she really shows us that the frameworks researchers are using to study middle class families tend to really focus on white moms’ experiences, which are, unsurprisingly, very dissimilar to how African-American middle class moms are navigating often very different expectations about breadwinning and caregiving. So I adore Dawn’s book and encourage folks to read “Mothering While Black” if they’ve got the time.

And the third book is not a sociological one. It’s by Rebecca Solnit. “Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities.” She’s also written a book called “Men Explain Things To Me,” which I find fantastic.

But “Hope in the Dark” to me is this sort of much-needed balm for the kind of political cynicism and despair of our contemporary moment, and it implores us to really continue to engage in collective action.

Even and actually especially when our future feels so uncertain and unknowable these days, she begs us to not kind of sit in despair, but in fact to — she talks about hope as this mechanism for action that I really love, and this idea that — she says, hope is not a lottery ticket you can sit on the sofa and clutch feeling lucky. I say it because hope is an ax you break down doors with in an emergency because hope should shove you out the door.

And this to me is how we bring about the kind of cultural and political change we desperately need here in the U.S. so that adults are able to make the decisions that feel right for them when it comes to combining work and family.

Caitlyn Collins, thank you very much.

This episode of “The Ezra Klein Show” was produced by Annie Galvin. Fact checking by Michelle Harris. Our senior engineer is Jeff Geld, with additional mixing from Efim Shapiro. Our senior editor is Claire Gordon.

The show’s production team also includes Rollin Hu and Kristin Lin, with original music by Isaac Jones. Audience strategy by Kristina Samulewski and Shannon Busta. The executive producer of New York Times Opinion Audio is Annie-Rose Strasser. Special thanks to Sonia Herrero.

EZRA KLEIN: From New York Times Opinion, this is “The Ezra Klein Show.”

CAITLYN COLLINS: Thanks for having me today.

EZRA KLEIN: So you have this great term in your book, the “lifeworlds” around parenthood. What is a lifeworld?

CAITLYN COLLINS: A lifeworld is the distinctive social universe of individual experiences, interactions, the organizations and the institutions that shape the employment and child-rearing possibilities that women can envision for themselves.

EZRA KLEIN: What does the lifeworld surrounding parenthood in the U.S. feel like right now? And how is it different, maybe, than it was 30 or 50 years ago?

CAITLYN COLLINS: The lifeworlds for parents in the U.S., to be honest with you, Ezra, seem to be defined by a great deal of stress and overwhelm, unfortunately. So for parents today, there’s an expectation that they are largely going to go it alone when it comes to working for pay in the paid labor force and caring for their children largely on their own, with the expectation that it’s on them and them solely to make this work.

EZRA KLEIN: I remember before I had kids, being very interested in this research on whether having kids made you happier or not. And now that I have kids, I find that research weirdly beside the point. There’s a lot of things in life that are not about making you happier on a hour-to-hour time use survey.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Yeah.

EZRA KLEIN: That if you check how happy I am any given hour of the day at work versus when I am at a bar with my friends or reading quietly at a coffee shop or sleeping or something, I might not be happier with it. But it does bring certain kinds of meaning into my life, certain kinds of deeper satisfaction.

CAITLYN COLLINS: I love this question. And to me, the issue of happiness and studying it, measuring it, quantifying it, cross-nationally is a useful and partial way to understand the role of parenting in an adult’s life.

EZRA KLEIN: So one of the things that is motivating this episode and another episode we’re doing is how rapid and striking the change in total fertility rates has been. So in 1958, the total fertility rate in the U.S. was about 3.6. So on average, women are having 3.6 children.

CAITLYN COLLINS: This drop in total fertility rate has been dramatic, and demographers have been trying to puzzle out answers to this question for years now. And we have to take a broader look at the sorts of social, political, historical, economic factors that are shaping, as you said, these lifeworlds of parenthood, right?

EZRA KLEIN: So one thing that can change the lifeworld, one thing that can change the lived experience of parenting, is policy — is what a particular country does to support working parents, to support parents of all kinds.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Oh, Sweden. What is so often held up, this nation, as this gender-equality nirvana, and for very real reasons. I think this stereotype applies. I wouldn’t call it a nirvana for gender equality yet, but they are light years ahead of the United States.

EZRA KLEIN: Great. I’m moving to Sweden immediately here.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Right? I can’t tell you the number of times when I say that figure out loud to audiences here in the U.S., and folks either laugh in an angry way or their jaws just drop because for anyone who has kids who are enrolled in some form of child care in the U.S., those numbers sound comical. There are many families who pay $175 a day for child care here.

EZRA KLEIN: So one thing I always wonder about when I hear about these Swedish policies is you can put all this into statutory language. You can say you need to give parents this much time off and these many paid family days and et cetera.

CAITLYN COLLINS: So something that struck me so much in spending time in Sweden and interviewing middle class mothers in Stockholm was that truly, work makes way for family for everyone. Not just workers, but managers, folks in the C-suite, also take time away from work to have — I don’t know, leisure pursuits, but primarily to spend time with their families.

EZRA KLEIN: Tell me a bit about how Swedish policy treats fathers and their role, and how it has tried to change or influence fathers and their role?

CAITLYN COLLINS: Yeah. So Sweden was the first wealthy Western nation in 1974 to implement a gender-neutral paid parental leave, with the idea that men and women alike should be taking time off after they have children.

EZRA KLEIN: It’s a very depressing —

CAITLYN COLLINS: Isn’t it so depressing? It’s honestly embarrassing.

EZRA KLEIN: And I say that from a household where I do half the parenting, and our nanny is a man. So there’s —

CAITLYN COLLINS: I like it, Ezra.

EZRA KLEIN: We are subverting the dominant paradigm here. One of the things, though, that is striking about Sweden is there’s a way the conversation over fertility rates in America go. It’s particularly on the liberal side.

CAITLYN COLLINS: You’re right. The total fertility rate in Sweden and the United States is virtually identical. And to me, that suggests that public policies are part of the equation. They are a necessary but insufficient set of resources to influence couples’ or individuals’ decisions whether or not to have children.

EZRA KLEIN: I want to put a pin in that because we are going to talk about that cultural dimension. But before we leave Sweden, one of the things I was thinking about as I looked over their policies and looked at all this data, is that you could call these pro-family policies, and they are.

CAITLYN COLLINS: So in Sweden, these policies are absolutely not pronatalist in intention. The Swedish government has stated outright for decades that is not their goal. The goal is exactly what you pointed to, Ezra, which is about enabling women to participate in the paid labor force.

EZRA KLEIN: One of my conclusions from looking at least some of the policy studies on this issue is that policy just isn’t really effective, at least at any of the margins anyone has been able to try, if what you want to do is increase the birthrate.

CAITLYN COLLINS: No. I know of no nations in which implementing policies has increased the fertility rate. Investing hundreds of billions of dollars in the goal of increasing the number of children women have has been ineffective, which is fascinating, right? There’s more going on here when adults are weighing what they want in their short lives.

EZRA KLEIN: Let’s talk about some of that more, that’s going on. So in your book you discuss two competing — not just pressures, but archetypes that are weighing on parents nowadays. So one is the ideal worker norm, and the other is the good mother, good father, good parent norm. So tell me about those, and how they conflict.

CAITLYN COLLINS: So the ideal worker norm — this is a term coined by Joan Acker. The ideal worker norm is the idea that adults today should be fully committed and entirely devoted to their jobs and their employers — available at a moment’s notice, unencumbered by external responsibilities that might diminish from their ability to perform their jobs well.

EZRA KLEIN: I want to add some numbers to this because these shocked me. So these are from a 2006 study that was looking at time diaries from back in the year 2000, so this is even back a bit. But it found that married fathers in 2000 were spending 153 percent more time per week caring for their children than they did in 1965.

CAITLYN COLLINS: This is so interesting and so complicated to me. So there are still 24 hours in a day, just like there were decades ago, and yet parents have eked out even more time to spend with their children than in decades past.

EZRA KLEIN: I feel like this as a father, too. But the thing I don’t quite understand about it is — and my kids are quite young. My kids are 5 and 2. When I think about the way I parent, it’s not clear to me what it would mean to not be parenting this way. I mean, they can’t put on their clothes by themselves. They’re just not that capable.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Yes.

EZRA KLEIN: And the older one can put on some of his clothing by himself if he’s in the mood to. When you look at those numbers, what were people doing? What was this less intensive kind of parenting? I mean, what were these kids doing all day?

CAITLYN COLLINS: Good question, Ezra. And I’m laughing to myself. I have a 18-month-old, and she definitely can’t dress herself. And she would never wear shoes if it was up to her, but it turns out she needs shoes on and someone has to put those on her body, right?

EZRA KLEIN: Let me pick up on something there, which is this idea of are the children in the parents’ world or is the parent in the child’s world? And then there are also others, right? Are the children just in a world with other children, the parents just with other parents?

CAITLYN COLLINS: Absolutely.

EZRA KLEIN: To be a little bit glib about it, they were working on the farm. But there was also, it seemed to me, a kind of discipline where the kids were expected to sit quietly in church. The kids were expected to — sometimes people talk about being seen and not heard. I don’t know exactly how true that was.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Exactly. It, to me, gets back to this cultural ideal of what it means to be a good parent. And intensive parenting, again, requires that this is incredibly emotionally absorbing. It tends to be quite expensive. It should be time consuming, and it should be child-centered.

Sitting around and doing arts and crafts is something that my grandmother really can’t fathom. She’d be like, she’s a year and a half. She’s just drawing scribbles on paper. What’s the deal? And in my head, I’m like, well, this is a sensory activity, right? I follow Instagram accounts that tell me how important sensory play is to help my child develop her socioemotional skills and creativity.

EZRA KLEIN: This feels like it also bears on the question of why a lot of what gets called pro-family policy does not have an impact on birthrates.

EZRA KLEIN: Because if you think back to the — or if I think back to the Swedish policies we were talking about earlier — and I’ll say something here that makes me both sound like a bad liberal and a bad parent, although I want people to have a lot more paid family leave than they do.

They idea of taking eight months off of work for each kid, I shudder. To just sit there staring over an infant — I love my children. I absolutely love them, and that’s a lot of time to do that. I don’t know how to say this differently, and I want people to have the options they want to have in life. But that is a policy built around intensive parenting.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Man, this is so thorny and important. And I think it gets to the heart of this broader demographic issue around total fertility rates, Ezra, because what we’re talking about is how we spend our time minute to minute, day to day, with our children feels often wonderful and often very exhausting.

EZRA KLEIN: I want to pick up on a tension that I think is lurking here because we’re talking about intensive parenting. We’re talking about being the ideal worker. And we’re talking about all of these as external pressures.

EZRA KLEIN: And for me, one reason it’s hard — and I recognize not everybody has a job they love and derive tremendous meaning from, but I’m lucky to have that. And a lot of people I know have that, and in general, our society is set up to tell people to get a lot of meaning from their work. And this is something people, I think correctly, critique.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Good question, Ezra. And I think important to this conversation is kind of rendering visible the truth that, as you said, lots of folks aren’t fortunate enough to be in jobs from which they derive meaning and fulfillment. But of course, jobs in the United States are also the primary way that we access security for ourselves and our families, right? Our health care is tied closely to our employment these days. Social Security and other benefits are tied to our employment. So not only is this about self-identity and fulfillment, but I think part of it is about what it means to secure — to create security for yourself and your family long term.

And I’m right there with you. My job matters a lot to me. I love being a professor, and I also really love being a mom. But I have about as wonderful a set of resources at my disposal, both in my personal life with my wonderful partner, who’s quite egalitarian in our family, and also on the job, to help me have what I might call the ideal, probably, work-family balance of anyone I can think of. And yet, Ezra, I am still exhausted. [LAUGHS]

EZRA KLEIN: Oh, see, now you’re really talking my language. All I want here is to move to a future of utopian co-parenting communes.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Yes. Let’s make it happen.

EZRA KLEIN: That’s my actual solution to all this.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Right? And that means we have to change the structure, the architecture of our homes and our neighborhoods. We have to think creatively and expansively about what it means to create families for ourselves that give us the support and the meaning and fulfillment that we all both need and deserve.

EZRA KLEIN: The only thing we have to change is everything.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Just everything. No big deal.

EZRA KLEIN: One of the things that operates in the background here is just this enormous, crushing guilt. I think I’m a pretty good parent. I try really hard. I have a very close relationship with my kids. I just constantly feel guilty. And they make me feel guilty, to be fair. They’re very good at that. And then I also feel guilty sometimes at work. I’m pretty good at my job, but you know, everything is just — you’re always making choices, taking from one or the other, to say then nothing of how often am I calling my family, am I showing up for my friends, right?

CAITLYN COLLINS: I think Rachel is right in her depiction of how we think about motherhood here in the United States. I think that dread is real. And I mentioned that I took paid leave with my daughter after she was born.

EZRA KLEIN: But is this just a time and resources question? So something in my mind here is you go back to 2007, the U.S. total fertility rate is 2.12. So it’s fallen by more than 16 percent since then. And our family policy did not get worse. Whether we’re working to not change dramatically.

CAITLYN COLLINS: What a beautiful statement.

EZRA KLEIN: And it’s just not something I talk about that much. I do wonder, to Rachel’s point, if there isn’t a way that the conversation feeds on itself, if it becomes self-fulfilling. It is safe to confess your exhaustion. It is not safe to confess your joy.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Yes, and this gets back to the issue of culture I think you’re spot on here, Ezra. First of all, I would love to hear more about how nice your son is to you. That sounds like a fabulous topic of conversation to me.

EZRA KLEIN: Four-part series.

CAITLYN COLLINS: [LAUGHING] The truth is here, you’re right. We do not talk about the more positive aspects. You mentioned guilt, Ezra. To me, guilt matters a lot here. I wrote an article about guilt across these four countries because to me, it is an internalized way we see these cultural ideals manifesting in our sense of self.

EZRA KLEIN: But there’s also a way in which that discourse can lead us to flat in ways in which the data doesn’t back up what that would imply. So I’m just looking here at a chart of birthrates in the United States in 2019 by household income, and the birthrates are higher when you go down the income ladder, not up.

CAITLYN COLLINS: I have seen these statistics. And to me, this has to do with, again, the sorts of privileges that accrue to folks in positions of advantage means that the opportunity cost to having children is much higher when you are advantaged. When you have a degree that gives you access to a variety of fabulous jobs, the idea of having children and, perhaps honestly, having to step away from or pivot your trajectory in that fantastic career trajectory looks very different when you’re advantaged compared to when you — in the United States, anyway — don’t have access to those sorts of opportunities in the paid labor market or in the world of education, for example.

EZRA KLEIN: And this opens up, too, the question of values and meaning. I mean, something we observe not in every single subgroup, but I think overall, this is true, is that more religious communities have more children than more secular communities.

CAITLYN COLLINS: It does make you wonder. And to be honest with you, Ezra, as a sociologist, as a feminist, I don’t really care about our total fertility rate as a policy target. If you asked me, I would tell you, we should open up our borders and let immigration solve our, quote, unquote, “fertility problem.”

EZRA KLEIN: Let’s say you do care about the birthrate. And I hear you, that you may not. Given that we’ve talked about the ways policy does not have a lot of leverage on this, what does change culture? Because I think the place where I get a little nervous about a pure choice framework is that the choices we even want to make — and we’re not even getting to make those. I mean, on average, people want to have more children in the United States than they are having.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Oh, Ezra, this is what keeps me up at night, thinking about culture and social change, positive social change. But you’re right, our reference groups really matter. And I think this era of the digital age in which we now live means that perhaps our reference groups are opening up because we have access to understanding what life looks like for other people in a way that we didn’t when we didn’t have the world at our fingertips on our phones. And to me, culture change here is absolutely vital, especially when we’re thinking about, for example, gender, thinking about who can and should care for children. How do you bring about revolutionary social change?

EZRA KLEIN: So my colleague Ross Douthat wrote this essay in 2020 that I think about sometimes. And he’s taken on this argument that it’s selfish to not have children, and he kind of flips it on its head. He says, quote, “The deepest reason to have more kids is self-centered in a radically different way. Having a bunch of kids is a form of life most likely to force you toward kenosis, self-emptying — the experience of what it means to live entirely for someone other than yourself.”

CAITLYN COLLINS: That’s powerful and compelling to me. And you’re right, perhaps different from how I tend to think about this. We think about parenting sometimes through this lens of altruism. But of course, having children can be deeply meaningful for ourselves.

EZRA KLEIN: And then always our final question, what are three books you would recommend to the audience?

CAITLYN COLLINS: Oh, three books. I mentioned one already by Mary Blair-Loy called “Competing Devotions: Career and Family Among Women Executives.” This is a groundbreaking interview study with women executives in the financial services industry.

EZRA KLEIN: Caitlyn Collins, thank you very much.

CAITLYN COLLINS: Thank you.

EZRA KLEIN: This episode of “The Ezra Klein Show” was produced by Annie Galvin. Fact checking by Michelle Harris. Our senior engineer is Jeff Geld, with additional mixing from Efim Shapiro. Our senior editor is Claire Gordon.

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    A narrative essay is a way of testing your ability to tell a story in a clear and interesting way. You're expected to think about where your story begins and ends, and how to convey it with eye-catching language and a satisfying pace. These skills are quite different from those needed for formal academic writing.

  11. Narrative Essay about a Family Vacation

    B. second event. The time had come, and it was better than any other beach day. I was splashing around and having a blast as the waves crashed against my tiny legs. Soon enough most of my family ended up in the water along by my side. My older sister was boogie-boarding while my dad was trying to teach my sister some better tactics, my mom and ...

  12. How to Write a Summer Vacation Essay

    If you spent the summer on the beach in Cape Cod, you shouldn't write about what you did. You should write instead about how you felt while there. An essay that reads "I went to beach, then had lobster for dinner" is not quite as exciting as one that goes, "As I went for a walk on the beach, I thought about how lucky I was to be able to ...

  13. Narrative Essay About Summer Vacation

    Summer Vacation Essay. When I was about ten years old my family started going on vacation over spring break nearly every year. In the past we had been to Colorado multiple times, Mexico, and Florida, which we loved enough that we decided to come visit again. It was March 18, 2017, my freshman year of high school.

  14. Personal Narrative Essay

    3. Create a Thesis Statement. The thesis statement is the most important sentence and tells the reader what your essay will be about. In a personal narrative essay, the thesis statement can briefly explore the story's events. Or it can tell the reader about the moral or lesson learned through personal experience.

  15. 3 Great Narrative Essay Examples + Tips for Writing

    A narrative essay delivers its theme by deliberately weaving the motifs through the events, scenes, and details. While a narrative essay may be entertaining, its primary purpose is to tell a complete story based on a central meaning. Unlike other essay forms, it is totally okay—even expected—to use first-person narration in narrative essays.

  16. Short Essay: My Adventurous Trip

    My Adventurous Trip Essay Example 2. My adventurous trip was an experience of a lifetime. It was a chance for me to step out of my comfort zone and explore the great outdoors. The trip was filled with activities such as hiking, camping, and kayaking. The beautiful scenery and wildlife sightings made the trip memorable.

  17. Narrative Essay About Vacations

    Narrative Essay About Vacations. 935 Words4 Pages. Everything happened last summer during vacation. Every year my family plans some wild, adventurous trip, and last year we were going to visit some of the states in the northeastern United States. The trip was going fine until we arrived at the state of New Hampshire.

  18. Narrative Essay About Summer Vacation

    Narrative Essay About Summer Vacation. My summer vacation was going to Dallas, Texas which was an exciting and fun place to go! First, of all my parents decided to do something fun for summer vacation so we saved up our money and snacks and picked out what movies to watch so we wouldn't be bored. My family decided to go to Dallas so we can go ...

  19. How to write a narrative essay [Updated 2023]

    1. Pick a meaningful story that has a conflict and a clear "moral.". If you're able to choose your own topic, pick a story that has meaning and that reveals how you became the person your are today. In other words, write a narrative with a clear "moral" that you can connect with your main points. 2.

  20. Narrative Essay on Summer vacation

    If you want to Download the Pdf of the Narrative Essay on Summer vacation, you can simply click on the given Link It is Free of cost. Page 1 / 2. Zoom 100%. Download Pdf of Narrative Essay on Summer Vacation (786 downloads ) Also Read, Show entries. Search:

  21. 10.1 Narration

    Vacation; Nature; Space; The Structure of a Narrative Essay. Major narrative events are most often conveyed in chronological order, the order in which events unfold from first to last. Stories typically have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and these events are typically organized by time. Certain transitional words and phrases aid in keeping ...

  22. Narrative Essay About A Vacation

    Narrative Essay About A Vacation, Custom Article Ghostwriter Websites For Masters, Rules For Writing A Research Paper, Top Admission Paper Editing Site For University, Anekta Me Ekta Essay In English, Career Objective For Hr Fresher Resume, Cheap Critical Analysis Essay Ghostwriter Service For University

  23. Transcript: Ezra Klein Interviews Caitlyn Collins

    Sweden has 25 days of paid vacation a year. You have a right to at least four consecutive weeks of those vacation days in the summer, when the weather and light are awesome, which is rare in ...