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The Psychology of Oppositional Conversational Styles

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When someone always has to be right, even in the most casual conversations, they may have an oppositional conversation style (OCS). It’s natural to want to defend your position on topics, especially if you’re in a mutual debate or have extensive expertise in a field. But when someone always has to be right, even in matters of opinion, chatting with them can feel like a losing battle.

This type of “I’m right, you’re wrong,” conversation feels like an interrogation, and you can quickly lose patience with someone who contradicts everything you say.

If this sounds familiar, you may be interacting with someone displaying an oppositional conversation style. Oppositional conversation styles aren’t known to be supported by psychological research, so further research is needed to better understand this conversation style.

Understanding oppositional conversation style

Oppositional conversation style isn’t a diagnosable condition. It’s a term coined by the author and founder of The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin, to describe a type of communication.

A person with an oppositional conversation style is a person who always corrects, disputes, or argues with your input.

This type of communication can appear in combative and aggressive arguments, but it can also emerge in friendly conversations as passive contradictions and dismissing comments.

In a 2013 personal blog post, Rubin states, “I noticed this for the first time in a conversation with a guy a few months ago. We were talking about social media, and before long, I realized that whatever I’d say, he’d disagree with me. If I said, ‘X is important,’ he’d say, ‘No, actually, Y is important.’ For two hours. And I could tell that if I’d said, ‘Y is important,’ he would’ve argued for X.”

Even the most innocent of comments may be contradicted if someone has an oppositional conversation style. For example, if you were to say “that’s OK, it seems very straightforward,” the response of a person who challenges what you say may be “not really,” or “not if you look at all the details.”

Signs and causes

Again an oppositional conversation style isn’t a diagnosable condition or known phenomenon consisting of a set of behaviors and psychological experiences. Therefore, it’s not known to be supported by psychological research.

While the names for communication styles vary among sources, most experts agree on at least four primary forms of communication:

• passive-aggressive

Of these, OCS may fall into one of the aggressive categories due to the disregard it tends to display for the other person’s feelings.

David Clark, a trial lawyer from Okemos, Michigan, says OCS is very apparent in the legal system as a means of taking control or forcing a dynamic in conversation.

He says common behaviors of an oppositional conversation style may include:

• providing alternative facts, personal beliefs, and suppositions just for the sake of debating
• not listening to what the other person has to say
• showing no interest in the other person’s input
• interrupting or hijacking the conversation
• changing topics to cover their misunderstanding of the facts
• bringing the conversation back to a topic after the other party has moved on from it

In some cases, certain mental health conditions may contribute to an argumentative, irritable conversation, including:

• depressive disorders
• anxiety disorders
• personality disorders
• oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
• intermittent explosive disorder(IED)

You may also be more likely to disregard the opinions and statements of others if you score high on the spectrum for personality traits like narcissism.

Knowing how to deal with someone who challenges everything you say can help prevent you from coming away from the conversation frustrated and annoyed.

Since OCS isn’t a known condition, there isn’t research support that clarifies specific techniques that could help you cope. But consider the suggested tips below from lawyers who typically experience people who dispute or argue against another person’s input.

Affect labeling

Douglas Noll, a professional mediator and lawyer from Clovis, California, indicates reflective listening in the form of affect labeling can be a powerful tool when dealing with a person who contradicts everything you say.

“Ignore the words and reflect back the emotions of the speaker. This is deeply validating and will generally quiet the oppositional speaker down,” he says.

Resisting the urge to debate

Clark recommends skipping out on the temptation to debate with someone who keeps drawing you into what feels like an argument.

He cautions, “If you are in the position of dealing with someone who has an OCS, understand that debating with this person in order to make them understand the facts of your point of view would be a fruitless endeavor.”

Asking for clarity

Not everyone who uses an oppositional conversation style does so deliberately or with the intent to be hostile.

In these situations, Clark recommends asking for clarity — for your sake and theirs.

“You may ask them if there’s anything you can do to change their mind. If they say that there’s nothing you can do, do your best to remove yourself from the conversation.”

Knowing when to walk away

If you’re feeling frustrated, offended, belittled, or attacked by someone’s oppositional conversation style, it’s OK to excuse yourself and step away.

You can do this in a disarming, non-confrontational way, such as by saying, “It doesn’t seem like we’ll see eye-to-eye on this one. I’m going to excuse myself for a moment.”

Alignment is a process in communication that allows you to mimic the style, word choice, and pronunciation of the person you’re speaking with.

If someone frequently says “motorbike” instead of “motorcycle,” for example, by switching your own language to “motorbike,” they may subconsciously identify more with what you’re saying.

While alignment may not change oppositional conversation style, it may make it so more of your points get through to the other person without them feeling the need to be contradictory.

Ultimately, any conversational style that’s respectful of other parties will likely be more effective than oppositional conversation style.

Noll recommends adopting a form of reflective listening, which he says can include:

• paraphrasing
• core messaging
• affect labeling

Reflective listening is a form of conversation style and strategy that communicates to another person you’ve heard them and taken what they’ve said into account. It can help provide feelings of validation and mutual respect — even when you’re in a moment of disagreement.

Let’s recap

Oppositional conversation style isn’t a diagnosable type of dominating conversation disorder. It’s a phrase used to describe when someone directs a conversation by disputing everything you have to say, no matter how small.

OSC can feel like conversational narcissism, and while it may be related to mental health disorders or personality traits, it can also be the result of learned behaviors, cultural influences, and attachment styles.

If you recognize an oppositional conversation style in yourself or someone close to you, seeking guidance from a professional mediator or therapist may help open up more effective communication.

Courtesy: www.PsychCentral.com

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WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER (ESSAY REVISED, WORKING PROGRESS)

• Thread starter Kashaka
• Start date Aug 22, 2015
• Aug 22, 2015

WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER​ The first time I considered joining the army I was a homeless teen who was also an undocumented immigrant in court proceedings trying to adjust my status. It was 2004 during my attendance at the Borough of Manhattan Community College; I would walk pass the recruiting station located on Chambers Street thinking to myself when I become a legal resident of the United States of America I am going to join the army. It was the most selfless act I could do for my family and the country that had allowed me to continue to be a member of its society. Recently I have decided that I’d like to be an officer in the army because I would love to be able to help promote an environment that fosters good sound judgment, positivity, team building and personnel interactions amongst our future soldiers. I also desire to commission as an army officer because I believe that I have demonstrated my ability as a person who can lead, accept responsibilities, and adapt to an ever-changing organization and world. These are all positive traits and values that everyone one should possess when serving ones country as an officer. Four years ago I joined the army because I wanted to show my appreciation to our great nation, today I would like the opportunity to do something even greater. I love serving my country; our country, but now the time has come where I feel as though leading from the front is something that I can be great at. I’ve always believed that I had a strong sense of leadership skills, but being a Soldier has truly helped me realize what it means to be a true leader. Although I am currently a Specialist without any Soldiers my peers always look to me for guidance. It is my belief that all soldiers in the army are leaders and that in order for anyone to be a great officer they must also be able follow directions. Being an enlisted Soldier there’s a great deal of knowledge that is learned through experience in order to gain leadership skills that an officer should poses. To me being an officer also means that one must also be a great follower; being an enlisted Soldier for the last four years have had a positive impact even more so on that belief. When others hear me make this statement there’s always a reaction that seems to be negative, but I always remind them that officers are not born they are made; officers are made and shaped by life and its many experiences. What makes a great officer is how he or she uses their experiences to become better leaders and how they apply that knowledge gained from their experiences to shape future leaders. I’ve always believed that one must truly love doing what they do in life in order to be successful at it, be it cleaning the sewer or be it leading a nation. I love serving my country, but now I would love the opportunity to lead from the front. Life for me as a soldier and a civilian has been a lesson of great resilience and profound opportunities from being homeless to becoming a member of the greatest family of one in the world the United States Army. So when asked, “why is it I would like to become an officer in the army?” ultimately my answer is rather simple. Why wouldn't I want to be a member of an elite few, a member of the most valuable one percentile? Why would I not want to be a leading member of the greatest army, the greatest nation the world have ever seen and will ever see? Most of all when asking this question to myself the answer ultimately lead to the irrefutable fact that I love to lead and one can only lead from the front. I would love to be afforded the opportunity to be apart the personnel that is responsible for making the decisions and implementing the plans and policies that guide all soldier personnel. There’s no greater purpose in life than to serve ones people, family and country. I by no means feel that I have all of the answers, but I feel that I do have the drive for knowledge and the ability to make good decisions with authority and leadership. I do believe that it takes a great leader to pool the strengths of others and to that I feel called. It is the by far the most selfless act anyone or I can do for the comfort of freedom.  

Was that the only thing you picked up? Also I am not a male, but a female. I will keep what you wrote in mind, but I don't believe in exaggerating. I will however add to it some examples of the things I've done as a current Active Duty Soldier.  

Im not extremely well versed in this subject area so if i picked anything else up I'll let the professionals talk about it. Dont want to give any wrong information. I'm not saying to exagerate. But think about what the army is doing for somebody by providing free schooling. It's an investment in you by the us army. How do you convince someone to invest in you? Loving your country is great and by all means mention it, but tell them why their investment is well placed in you. Again... This is just my opinion. Dont take it to heart if you dont believe the same.  

I'm listening.  

First, I am more than willing to help you rewrite parts that are very "wordy", here are two of the first things I noticed. Reffering to my experience in the military. You need to keep it short and precise, cut out the words that have no meaning and get to the point. You also need to not leave any doubt to the reader. "The first time I considered joining the army I was a homeless teen who was also an undocumented immigrant in court proceedings trying to adjust my status" You can reword this and why do you have "trying to adjust my status"? Were you thinking of joining the army to do this, what is the benefit of saying that? Otherwise you can just simply say "I first considered joining the army as a young undocumented homeless teen." Next part, "but now the time has come where I feel as though leading from the front is something that I can be great at." You feel or you know? It is now my time to lead the front or maybe the time has come and I am ready to lead from the front. You could even use your army training to your advantage and say "after years of training I am now ready to lead the front (keep in mind leaders are made not born). Lastly, you want to keep it as professional as possible. Like I said, cut out the words that are not needed. Get to the point. Make them believe your READY not that you think or assume you are. You want them to look at that letter and go "this one has worked hard and could be great, she never gives up".  

littlepatriot

I would definitely go through your essay again and make it more concise. Sometimes, you took three sentences to explain a matter that could've been stated in one. Longer isn't always better. Check for grammar as well, mainly commas and verb tense issues. I noticed several of those as well.  

Part of me feels like my chain is being yanked. The other thread discussed all of this already regarding your grammar, and yet, you still made the same errors. No offense to the OP, but here is why I feel like my chain is being yanked! 1. 2004 attended a CC. ~ That means right now you are 29! 11 years ago at the age of 18 = 29. 2. HSSP is pretty clear regarding how many credits you can have under your belt for the HSSP. ~ Unless you only did 1 year in 2004, and never attended again, you would be over the 30 credit limit. 3. Why not use the GI Bill? ~ It appears that you have served @8 years. 4. Why ask us? ~ Is there not someone AD in your unit that you can ask to edit this essay? ~~ Again, if my math is correct you are 29, they are also your peers. 5. How will you feel being in AROTC with kids that are 18-21 years old? ~ The PMS in the unit may be an O3 or 28 years old. Where will be your social circle? How will you feel when you are reviewed by the cadre that can be almost a decade younger than you? 6. I don't know about the Army, but I would believe if you were 18 in 2004 than you would need to receive an age waiver to commission via AROTC. ~ My math says you will be 33-34 at the earliest for commissioning. I do agree with others, the grammatical errors are audacious. I thought there was a character/word count mandated for the scholarships. My apologies if I offended you.  

Pima said: Part of me feels like my chain is being yanked. The other thread discussed all of this already regarding your grammar, and yet, you still made the same errors. 5. How will you feel being in AROTC with kids that are 18-21 years old? ~ The PMS in the unit may be an O3 or 28 years old. Where will be your social circle? How will you feel when you are reviewed by the cadre that can be almost a decade younger than you? Click to expand...

Pima said: Part of me feels like my chain is being yanked. The other thread discussed all of this already regarding your grammar, and yet, you still made the same errors. No offense to the OP, but here is why I feel like my chain is being yanked! 1. 2004 attended a CC. ~ That means right now you are 29! 11 years ago at the age of 18 = 29. 2. HSSP is pretty clear regarding how many credits you can have under your belt for the HSSP. ~ Unless you only did 1 year in 2004, and never attended again, you would be over the 30 credit limit. 3. Why not use the GI Bill? ~ It appears that you have served @8 years. 4. Why ask us? ~ Is there not someone AD in your unit that you can ask to edit this essay? ~~ Again, if my math is correct you are 29, they are also your peers. 5. How will you feel being in AROTC with kids that are 18-21 years old? ~ The PMS in the unit may be an O3 or 28 years old. Where will be your social circle? How will you feel when you are reviewed by the cadre that can be almost a decade younger than you? 6. I don't know about the Army, but I would believe if you were 18 in 2004 than you would need to receive an age waiver to commission via AROTC. ~ My math says you will be 33-34 at the earliest for commissioning. I do agree with others, the grammatical errors are audacious. I thought there was a character/word count mandated for the scholarships. My apologies if I offended you. Click to expand...

Kashaka go to tutor.com/military and have them look it over for free. You qualify as inactive reserve.  

kashaka, Since, this is a ROTC forum, I assumed you were enlisted applying for a scholarship, not the G2G. That is a different ball of wax. Zero, I should have clarified, that there should be an O1/2/3 in charge of the OP that they can run it by for editing. ~ If I am correct they need command support for this program. As an AFROTC cadet you do know age has an impact for commissioning. If they are 29, and starting college this fall they are hitting the upper limit for commissioning 4 years from now.  

Grammar - Have someone edit it.... a forum is too tedious a medium to correct each error. Grammar and spelling are important. For example "Eat your dinner." is different from "Eat. You're dinner."  

Too funny kinnem!  

Pima said: kashaka, Since, this is a ROTC forum, I assumed you were enlisted applying for a scholarship, not the G2G. That is a different ball of wax. Zero, I should have clarified, that there should be an O1/2/3 in charge of the OP that they can run it by for editing. ~ If I am correct they need command support for this program. As an AFROTC cadet you do know age has an impact for commissioning. If they are 29, and starting college this fall they are hitting the upper limit for commissioning 4 years from now. Click to expand...

Kashaka said: Yes, very different. I was looking for a G2G forum, but no luck on that. Click to expand...

Stealth_81 said: Kashaka said: Yes, very different. I was looking for a G2G forum, but no luck on that. Click to expand...

It's only the first paragraph, but I think it's way better......minus the typo on 2011.  

Not for nothing, English is not my forte......at all!  

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Anyone ever written an Essay to get into Army OCS?

Catalinargonzalez.

• Nov 22, 2004

I'm writing an essay in application for Army OCS. It's supposed to be a one page and I think I've got a good one so far. My main problem was compacting everything I wanted to say into one page. Has anyone ever written an essay and gotten in? I would like to compare, and see if I'm on the right track. As soon as I finish it for good, I will post it, and allow you to suggest and critique. Thanks.  

Active member

• Nov 23, 2004

I wrote an essay for Army ROTC, I don't know if that really counts. I think it was more important for them to have a writing sample then to really read what you wrote. Did they give you a topic that you had to write about or was it a free for all?  

My Essay Yea, you have to write on the topic "Why I want to be an Army Officer" I finished it, so if you want to read it, feel free to critique it and/or give me feedback: When I was in high school, I belonged to Army JROTC, and I was the first sergeant of my company. I led the drills, called cadence, conducted inspections, and I was up for promotion to captain the following school year, but unfortunately my schedule conflicted with other courses that I needed for college, and I was unable to continue in the program. However, Army JROTC was the first course that I ever took that gave me a sense of accomplishment, confidence in myself, and pride in the feeling that comes from being able to set goals, achieving them, and earning the respect of your peers while at the same time doing something in pursuance of a noble cause. I set a goal for myself to go to college and satisfy my educational objectives to prepare myself, so that one day I could prove worthy of becoming a leader in the United States Army. My life experiences and my strong desire to succeed coupled with an unrelenting work ethic and a strong sense of duty and commitment to my country, make me an excellent candidate for officership in the United States Army. An Army Officer needs to represent and embody the core values, struggles, and sacrifices that have made and continue to make America great. Throughout my life, I have prided myself on being disciplined and goal oriented, overcoming all odds and obstacles to achieve my potential. I, too like many Americans came to this country with my family, seeking a better life. We didn’t have a lot of money, we didn’t know the language, but what we did have were minds full of hopes and dreams and the desire and push to make them a reality. In little to no time, I learned the English language, and only a year after coming to this country I was identified by my school as a gifted student. I pushed myself constantly to be better in everything that I did, preparing myself for a college education, thirsty for knowledge and achievement, and finding my way through obstacles that presented themselves in my path. A United States Army Officer needs to not only possess leadership and intellectual abilities, but also have a proven track record that demonstrates it. During my undergraduate years, I was actively involved in the leadership of my campus and the local community. With commitment, dedication and hard work, I was able to lead two groups on campus as President and member of the Executive board to make a positive impact on our campus and in the community. My efforts as a leader on campus led me to achieving one of the highest honors of the University, “Student Leader of the Year for 2003.” Besides being a leader on campus, I held a part-time job to help pay for my studies while keeping an overall GPA of 3.33 and a major GPA of 3.75. Today, in my graduate MBA program, I hold a 4.0 GPA and continue to be involved by forming part of various local organizations that promote leadership and advancement for young students in the community. Finally, the Army Officer of today needs to have a strong sense of duty and commitment to the values upon which America was founded. When I became a citizen of the United States four months ago, it was one of the proudest days of my life. I knew in that instant that I raised my right hand that all of the hard work and sacrifice up to that point had paid off, and that many great things were still to come. I am now very grateful to be a citizen of a country where I am free to pursue my goals and dreams free from oppression, and I would expect nothing less of myself than to give back to my country by serving in the United States Army and helping to advance the ideals for which so many have fought and died throughout the course of our history. Today, more than ever, America needs young leaders that are not only committed to the values that drive us, but that also live by them, and are willing to do whatever is necessary to preserve them. These young leaders must also be intelligent, possess leadership abilities, and be able to deliver under pressure with poise and grace. Evidenced by my life experiences, hard work, and achievement, I am confident that I have what it takes to be that leader, and ask for your kind recommendation for the Army Officer Candidate School Prog  

PrincessRed

• Nov 25, 2004

Throw in something about the army core values and how they relate to your life. Take out the GPA standings. While it is important that doesn't mean much in the essay. The essay is a quick note to remind the review board that you understand what it means to be an officer. My essay was considered one of the best they had seen. Use your GPA in the interview. This is to show WHY you want to be an officer not why you are QUALIFIED. They know you are qualified or you wouldn't be in front of them. So use this to say what made you go into that recuiters office and sign up for OCS. Words like Tradition, Honor, Respect are good to impliment. Throw in the JROTC stuff to show you have the drive and ambition. Defintaly find the core values and show how those relate to you and why you want to be in the military. Hope I helped!  

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Do’s and Dont’s of Marine Corps OCS

This list has been around forever but still is good advice. Although you’ll learn all these at OCS, any mistakes you make along the way to your new knowledge will be painful!

It is a good idea to familiarize yourself with the following “do’s and dont’s,” but don’t get too bogged down in the specifics of them.  You will pick them up quickly once at OCS.  The important thing is to get in the mindset of an Officer Candidate.  You must be humble toward the staff, but loud; aggressive in your leadership and actions, but tactful toward your peers.  Start mentally preparing now, and your transition to “Candidate mindset” will be much easier.

•          DO BE LOUD.

•          DO BE CONFIDENT IN EVERYTHING YOU DO.
•          DO AS YOU’RE TOLD.
•          Do speak in the third person – “This Candidate request permission to make a head call.”
•          Don’t say I   – “I request permission to make a head call.”
•          Do address the staff by billet and rank – “Good morning Gunnery Sergeant, Candidate Smith request permission to speak to Platoon Sergeant, Gunnery Sergeant Erwin.”
•          Don’t say you – “Good morning sir, I request permission to speak to you”.
•          Always speak to staff at the position of attention (POA), never at parade rest or at ease.
•          Do salute all officers when covered (wearing 8 point cover), don’t salute officers in the field or when in formation.
•          When the staff says “ZERO!” yell “Freeze!” and don’t move, even if you are not done completing the last order you received.
•          Memorize the Basic Daily Routine (BDR) of your staff, this will make every day easier on you.
•          Do be organized.  Having a specific spot for everything and knowing where everything is helps to alleviate the stress.
•          Do keep you foot locker and wall locker within regulations.  The regulations are in your Candidate Regulations.
•          Don’t ever lean against the bulkhead (wall) or racks (bed) or put your hands in your pockets.
•          Don’t eyeball your staff or the area. Especially if you’re getting yelled at, look straight ahead still.
•          Do memorize your rifle serial number and don’t ever leave your rifle unattended (the sergeant instructors will steal your rifle and then you will have to get it back).
•          Do make sure that your weapon is always on safe and your ejection port cover is closed.
•          Don’t ever take your rifle in the head (bathroom) unless specifically instructed by your staff. You will hang it on the end of your rack or in the “armory” cases in the barracks.
•          Do sew your white nametapes on your blouse if they come loose, or the staff will rip them off and you will have to re-sew the entire nametape.
•          Do make sure that your utilities (and all other items) are clearly marked so that you don’t lose them.
•          Do have your candidate regulations on your person at all times.
•          If assigned an essay, make sure that you complete and turn it in as soon as possible and before the time hack given.  Write legibly.

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• U.S Marine Corps (USMC)

OCS essay format

• Thread starter GraceOMalley
• Start date Jan 22, 2015

GraceOMalley

• Jan 22, 2015

Can anyone help me out? I need to know the essay format for the 300 misdemeanor essays handed out at OCS. So far I've heard to underline and number all words with greater than 3 letters. What else? How should the page be formatted?  

Dean of Students

• Jan 23, 2015

It's going to be explained to you by whoever gives you the essay. Using a 3 color pen and having every other word a different color was another method...other than that you've got most of them. That being said, there's probably lots of other shit that you should be worrying about instead of that.  

Oh, for sure. but my OSO has given us this assignment as prep and I need to hand it in this weekend. Does this: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...=d1Zxg6OAuCIXNPlP_fNOpg&bvm=bv.84349003,d.cWc seem fairly accurate?  

Sure. Of course that one is typed but it looks close to what I remember.  

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• OPSC Previous Year Papers

OPSC Previous Year Questions are important. The only two true sources of preparation to become a successful OPSC OCS topper are the syllabus and the previous year's question papers published by OPSC. They give an insight into the type of questions in the exam and the way OPSC expects aspirants to prepare for the topics. It gives a precise impression and conceptual understanding of the OPSC OCS questions' concept and style. It is a unique challenge for OPSC Mains candidates, who must develop analytical abilities and write rational and timely essays following the new OPSC OCS notification . To develop such skills and abilities, one must study   OPSC Mains PYQ Papers   to get an idea about the relevant themes and trends in the OPSC exams. This will prepare you for the questions asked in the upcoming exams.   The book also provides an overview of the OPSC CSE syllabus and how to prepare for the subjects based on previous years' questions. All OCS toppers are aware and cognizant of the types of questions asked by the OPSC. They are also aware of different OPSC tricks and types of questions. This should be done by every OCS aspirant when starting their preparation. It is very critical to understand the structure of the OPSC questions.

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• OPSC-OCS Prelims 2017: Previous Years Question Papers (GS) Download
• OPSC-OCS Prelims 2016: Previous Years Question Papers (CSAT) Download
• OPSC-OCS Prelims 2016: Previous Years Question Papers (GS) Download
• OPSC-OCS Prelims 2015: Previous Years Question Papers (CSAT) Download
• OPSC-OCS Prelims 2015: Previous Years Question Papers (GS) Download

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