consent presentation for high school students

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Teaching Consent for Teens

Consent is so much more than physical relationships. Practicing and honoring consent is essential to building and receiving respect. Teen consent is Saprea’s only class designed specifically for teens and tackles powerful principles like respect, boundaries, ability, and communication.

Class Materials

Teaching consent for teens: presentation, teaching consent for teens: social assets, teaching consent for teens: discussion guide, teaching consent for teens: classroom worksheets, helpful teaching tips.

Here are some best practices to consider before, during, and after the presentation:

• Communicate clearly when and where the presentation is taking place.
• Download the video onto your computer and watch it all the way through.
• Read through the discussion guide.
• Print handouts ahead of time.
• Ensure AV equipment is present, plugged in, and functioning properly.
• Arrange seating in a circle, if possible, to encourage discussion. Have pens available for people to take notes and complete writing activities.
• Start the video in full-screen mode and PAUSE it on the opening title for Part 1.
• Be friendly, positive, and enthusiastic.
• Follow the organization and activity outlines in the research-based discussion guides while being yourself and considering the needs of your group. Share personal experiences that enrich and illustrate critical principles.
• Larger groups may require you to stand.
• Create a safe environment where people can be honest and candid.
• Thank participants for comments.
• Help as many people as possible participate.
• Don’t allow one person to dominate the conversation.
• Manage time.
• Emphasize the invitations to act.
• Right after you present, text FACILITATOR to 385-444-2325 and take a brief survey.
• Review what went well and what can be improved for your next presentation.
• Congratulate yourself for the efforts you’ve made to improve your community!

1. Identify

The easiest way to provide education is in meetings where people already gather. Think about:

• Regularly scheduled organization trainings.  
• Parent groups of sports teams or extracurricular activities your kids participate in.  
• "Lunch and Learn" meetings at your company or organizations.  
• Community meetings.  
• Church groups.  
• Homeowners association meetings.  
• Parent-teacher association groups.  

2. Collaborate

Work with the people in your group, organization, or network to determine how to incorporate our education into an already scheduled meeting or gathering.

Once a time and place is set, invite others to attend.

4. Follow Through

Ensure that the gathering is promoted. Sharing our information with as many people as possible will promote safety and raise awareness in your community.  

To help you  boost attendance, here's a list of other community leaders that may help you connect with additional groups.

People of influence you might know:  

• Civic leaders  
• Healthcare leaders  
• Faith groups
• Business leaders  
• School leaders  
• Grassroots neighborhood leaders  

How can I provide support to someone close to me who has been abused?

It can be hard to know how best to help loved ones who are survivors of sexual abuse. Your primary role is to support and reassure. Don’t judge, criticize, demand to know details about abuse, or minimize what has happened.

How do I break the silence about my own abuse?

Talking about your abuse takes courage, but it can be a key step in healing. When you’re ready to talk about your abuse, pick someone you trust who will be understanding and supportive. Remember this is your story, and you get to decide what you share. Don’t feel obligated to disclose more than you want to. 

If I know or think that a child is being sexually abused, what should I do?

Nearly every state has mandatory reporting laws, so you need to report sexual abuse if you know or suspect that it’s occurring. In general, you should report to Child Protective Services. On Saprea's website, there’s a blog post that will help you find the local agency in your area. Additional resources: How to Report Sexual Abuse in the United States

Has the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse gone up or down over time?

Gathering data about the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse is challenging. At Saprea, we use statistics that come from the ACE study, a thorough, longitudinal study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Kaiser Permanente focusing on the impact of childhood abuse and neglect. Other studies on sexual abuse have been conducted that arrive at different prevalence numbers, but no new study has been as rigorous as the ACE study. Additional resources: Why the ACE Study Is Important to Parents

A registered sex offender just moved into my neighborhood. What should I do?

First, don’t panic. Gather facts from the sex offender registry and other credible sources. No one wants a sex offender to reoffend, so do what you can to make them productive members of your community. They want to be successful. With all that said, be vigilant in talking to your child about safety, and be cautious in any interactions with your neighbor. Additional resources: Trust Your Intuition When It Comes to Your Child’s Safety , 6 Perpetrator Grooming Patterns Every Parent Needs to Know

What if someone in my family is the perpetrator? How should I handle interactions at family gatherings? How and what should I communicate to other family members?

Unfortunately, this issue arises frequently. Approximately 30% of child sexual abuse perpetrators are family members. If you find yourself in this difficult situation, your primary goal is to protect the child. Be sure to check in with your child before and after family gatherings and tell them they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to. Also, as hard as it might be, you need to communicate with other family members and Child Protective Services about what you know. Additional resources: Keeping Your Kids Safe During the Holidays , What If a Family Member Is the Perpetrator?

Are children ever perpetrators?

Nearly half of perpetrators are under the age of 18. Sadly, children who perpetrate have often been abused themselves. In these situations, it’s important to get help for both the perpetrator and the victim so that they can deal with the trauma they’ve suffered and go on to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Additional resources: 5 Facts About Child on Child Sexual Abuse

How and when should I teach consent?

At Saprea, our unwavering stance is that a child is not ever in a position to give consent to someone to sexually abuse them. We know that capable kids can learn to apply principles of consent at a young age in everyday situations. And as they grow, mature, and find themselves in situations where they have power or influence over another individual, they will be able to respect the other person enough that they don’t act in a way that causes sexual (or other) harm. Additional resources: Practice Consent , Teaching Your Kids to Say “No”

How do I start having conversations about healthy sexuality with my kids?

You don’t have to have one big conversation where you talk about everything. Start small and build from there. If you need some ideas, check out Saprea's website. You can find activities that will give you a place to start.

Is it appropriate to teach my three-year-old about healthy sexuality? What should I teach?

You can start teaching kids about healthy sexuality from a very young age. There are even things you can teach infants and toddlers. Begin by teaching kids the names of their body parts. Build from there and talk about things like safe and unsafe touch. You can find blog posts that give specific ideas for things you can talk about with your kids at various ages. Additional resource: Little Healthy Sexuality Talks blog series

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Top 5 Ways You Can Reduce the Risk

Teaching Your Child Consent

Teaching Your Child Healthy Sexuality

Effective Consent Education. to End Sexual Violence.

Specialist Consent Education To End Sexual Violence.

Booked by over 170 Primary Schools, Secondary Schools & Universities in the UK.

Consent Workshops

Consent Assemblies

Informative and impactful consent talks.

Perfect for getting information to a large audience at once.

Active Bystander Workshops

Inspiring active bystander workshops that empower students to call out harmful sexual behaviour and attitudes.

Parents & Teachers Talk

Effective Consent Education, easy to book, relatable speakers.

• Effective Consent Education – Our sessions are impactful and informative, helping to tackle sexual violence in your school.
• Relatable Facilitators – Our speakers are engaging and relatable, so students find it easy to talk to them about difficult topics.
• Hassle Free Booking – Booking our consent education is simple, easy and affordable, saving you time and money.

How Our Consent Education Works

Flexible formats.

We can deliver in whichever way works best for you:

• As workshops or assemblies.
• At any time.
• Any number of sessions per day.

Age-appropriate

All our content and delivery is adapted to the age of the audience and we follow the Department for Education guidance.

You can view summaries of our content here.

Reasonably Priced

The cost is £100 per session.

There is a minimum fee of £200 per day.

Effective Consent Education, trusted by over 170 other schools.

Frequently Asked Questions

We deliver our consent education in whichever way is easiest for you: in an assembly, during lessons or as part of a drop-down day.

Workshops are 1 hour long (can be shortened slightly if necessary).

Assemblies can be between 30 minutes and 1 hour.

£100 per session.

We charge a minimum of £200 per day.

For more interactive/discussion-based consent workshops and active bystander workshops the maximum size is 40. 

Assemblies can be delivered to an audience of any size.

Our content is adapted for the audience to make sure it is age-appropriate.

We also have different content for depending on if it is a consent workshop, active bystander workshop or a consent assembly.

You can view the summaries of the content here .

That depends on what you need for the year group and what you are able to organise.

Our engaging and impactful assemblies are great for getting key messages to a large audience as there is no size limit.

In workshops we can facilitate more in-depth conversations around consent and sexual violence and thus create higher levels of student interaction and personalisation.

Workshops do need smaller groups so you will likely need to book multiple sessions for one year group.

Learn more about our different sessions here.

All of our content is adapted for the age of the audience from year 5 to year 13.

Our brilliant facilitators are also adept at adapting their delivery to the appropriate level.

You can view summaries of all our content here.

Yes! We can deliver as many sessions as you need, provided we have availability on the day.

We have a large team of facilitators so we can deliver multiple consent workshops or assemblies simultaneously if needed.

We can deliver at multiple schools in one day thanks to our large team of fantastic facilitators , so if you get in touch with a specific date we can usually facilitate it.

However, we often have a very busy calendar for the next few weeks, so to be sure of securing your date it is best to book around a month in advance.

Our Mission

To Eliminate Rape & Sexual Assault

through extraordinary and effective consent education.

The most compelling teaching, grounded in the reality of students’ sex lives.

Easy to understand,

Exactly when it’s needed,

Keeping students safe & healthy.

Consent at Every Age

• Posted December 19, 2018
• By Grace Tatter

Consent has become a somewhat divisive buzzword in the wake of the #MeToo movement. But at its core, it’s an idea that many learn as early as preschool — the notion that we should respect one another’s boundaries, in order to be safe, preserve dignity, and build healthy relationships.

For middle school or high school students, discussions around consent will, in part, involve sexuality, but for younger students, the conversation is different. Teaching them about consent can help keep them safe from child predators, but it can also be about simpler things, like whether they want to play a game or get a hug from a classmate — laying the groundwork for an understanding of sexual relationships much later on, as well as ensuring a safer classroom environment in the present.

Usable Knowledge spoke to educators and researchers, as well as identified resources, on the best ways to discuss consent with different age groups, compiling their ideas into the following strategies for talking about consent with students in early education, elementary school, middle school, and high school:

Early Education

Develop a shared vocabulary , sa ys Gideon Kahn, who has taught in preschools in California and New York. U se a “consistent and clear” vocabulary with students around the concept of consent , — simple words like body, space, and touch. (“I don’t think I’ve ever used the word ‘consent’ with a three-year-old before,” Kahn says.) The goal is that “if a kid doesn’t want to be hugged by another kid, he can say, ‘ T his is my body,’ and be understood.”

Lay the social-emotional groundwork. A lot of early education, Kahn says, is centered around giving kids the social - emotional skills to thrive, and these naturally dovetail with the concept of consent and respect. “Emotional intelligence, perspective - taking, empathy — these all allow you to basically understand your own feelings and the feelings of others, and are foundational to respect,” Kahn sa ys.

Teach kids that it’s OK to express hurt. Junlei Li , a professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, is fond of a quote often espoused by Mister Rogers, “Attitudes are caught, not taught.” Listen to children and check in with them about their emotions. Too often, adults try to discourage students from showing sadness, anger, or discomfort, Li sa ys, but learning to identify those emotions can help them advocate for themselves when they’re hurt, as well as develop empathy and recognize similar emotions in other children and adults when their actions are making others uncomfortable . “If a child is really sad, it’s not uncommon for us to tell them, ‘Don’t cry, it’s not that bad,’ or we try to distract them very quickly, so they don’t focus on the sadness,” Li sa ys . “But expressing a certain amount of sadness or anger is important for learning and development .”

Model consent and empower students. Of course, some of consent is skill-based: learning to simply ask questions about what behavior or actions are appropriate. “Would you rather a hug or a high-five?” Give children agency over what is age-appropriate, like what snack to have, or what to read at story time.

Boss of My Body (video)

Elementary school

Break down what consent is. In third grade, “we’re not going to be having conversations about sex and sexual harassment, but there are things all students need to understand about boundaries,” says Liz Kleinrock, who teaches at Citizens of the World Charter School Silver Lake, in Los Angeles. One of Kleinrock’s lessons, in which she and her students broke down what consent means to them, went viral this fall. Some basic ideas explored in the lesson: what it means to give consent, what consent sounds like, and what to say when you don’t want to give consent.

Respect and discuss what students already know. Kleinrock’s students already had insight into where consent comes into play, beyond touching or physical space — questions such as, do you have permission to share something that someone told you in secret? (In a later lesson, students differentiated between secrets that are more like “surprises” and secrets that might mean a friend is in danger and shouldn’t be kept from grown-ups.) “I was impressed that they were able to think about situations from lots of different contexts,” Kleinrock says.

Focus on tone of voice. Elementary students are old enough to understand nuance and to learn that tone of voice and body language are as important as the words being said. In a blog post for Teaching Tolerance , she describes how she play-acted a scenario in which a student asked her for a hug, and she reluctantly said, “Um, OK?” Her students recognized that she was acting uncomfortable, even if she was verbally giving consent. “I want students to know at a very early age that they have the right to lay down boundaries,” she says.

Keep the conversation going. Kleinrock didn’t stop teaching about consent after her lesson gained wide popularity. “It’s not effective as a one-off lesson,” she says. She continues to give students opportunities to practice voicing concern and giving consent — or not. “I want them to have muscle memory experience: ‘This is something I can say,’” she says.

Books recommended by Kleinrock on Teaching Tolerance:

• My Body! What I Say Goes!  by Jayneen Sanders, illustrated by Anna Hancock
• Miles Is the Boss of His Body  by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter and Abbie Schiller, illustrated by Valentina Ventimiglia
• I Said No! A Kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private  by Kimberly King and Zack King, illustrated by Sue Rama
• Personal Space Camp  by Julia Cook, illustrated by Carrie Hartman 

Middle school

Remember that it’s a confusing time and that students might be hearing about sex and relationships from unreliable sources.  Starting in middle school, students might hear about sex and relationships from their peers, or from the internet. And that can be confusing. In a health education context, remind them that it’s OK to ask questions from adults they trust. “It can be difficult for a middle schooler to parse it all on their own,” says Lauren Schneider, a health educator for Somerville Public Schools in Massachusetts. “Trusted adults can provide helpful guidance as teens learn to navigate all the different messages about sex they are receiving.”

Start defining what sexual harassment is . Schneider and her students talk through scenarios in which an adult bothers a child, and a child bothers another child. The emphasis, Schneider says, stays the same as it does with younger children: “Nobody gets to touch you without your permission” — and you should be respectful of others’ boundaries, as well.

Emphasize the importance of talking with a trusted adult. “At this age, some students think, ‘Well adults just don’t understand,’” Schneider says. “I remind my students, though, that for teachers and parents, it’s our job to keep them safe” and that if they have an interaction they’re uncomfortable with, with either a peer or an adult, they should tell an adult who they trust.

Begin talking about romantic relationships. Kids might not be dating in middle school, but they’re likely at least to be thinking about it. “We talk about how if two partners are going to do something, they have to agree to do it together,” be it holding hands or kissing, or even just talking, says Schneider. She also has kids practice responses when enforcing their own boundaries, so they have an internal script to follow when the need arises.

• Consent: It’s as Easy as Tea (video)
• Teaching Consent Doesn’t Have to be Hard

High school

Asking consent isn’t just for straight boys. Most victims of sexual assault are women, and most perpetrators are men, and it’s likely that heterosexual boys are getting more pressure to coerce girls into sex than the other way around. However, the authors of a report from Making Caring Common, a project at HGSE, emphasize that all teens, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can benefit from thinking deeply about how to engage with boundaries in relationships in an ethical, caring manner.

Talk about consent and alcohol. Oftentimes, consent gets in the news when alcohol is involved, as in the allegations against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, who was accused of sexually assaulting a classmate at a high school party. By high school, students should be aware of the role alcohol or other mind-altering substances plays in consent. Remember that talking about drinking is separate from encouraging drinking. In Sharon Lamb’s Sex Ed for Caring Schools , she recommends asking students to discuss several scenarios in which alcohol might affect consent, like if you can’t tell whether the person you’re with is too intoxicated to give consent. Deep thinking about the ethics of sexual encounters and alcohol from the safe space of a classroom will help guide students’ decision-making in real life.

Think about consent across disciplines. While some conversations about sex ed are best left to health educators, consent can also come up in other classes, particularly history or literature. For example, KQED developed a lesson plan focusing on the history of fighting against sexual harassment . 

Part of a special series about preventing sexual harassment at school.  Read the whole series .

Illustration by Wilhelmina Peragine

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Consent is permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. Consent requires respect and communication . Consent is an important concept for children to learn about from an early age. It can lead to better relationships with family, friends, peers and eventually, romantic partners. Consent includes knowing and respecting a person’s own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others. Understanding consent means that a person has the skills to leave a situation that doesn’t feel comfortable, and respects when other people want to do the same.

 Sexual Consent

Sexual activity includes kissing, sexual touching and sexual intercourse (oral, anal, vaginal, hand sex ). Sexual consent means both partners agree to the sexual activity and understand what they’re agreeing to. Consent is the foundation of a sexual relationship. Consent must be given for every sexual activity, every time. Sexual consent is about a person’s right to make their own choice about sexual activity. Language and messaging around consent and sexual assault has changed over the last few years as we understand more about rights, the law, consent and sexual assault.

Important Points about Sexual Consent

Here are some important points to understand and talk with your students about:

• Consent is freely given .  Agreeing to do something is consent only if it’s voluntary.
• ‘No’ always means ‘no’ whether given verbally or non-verbally. A lack of an affirmative, positive, freely given ‘yes’ is also a ‘no’.
• A ‘yes’ isn’t consent if someone is coerced. Examples of coercion are if the person pressures, pesters, threatens, guilt trips, blackmails, intimidates, bullies, or harasses someone.
• Consent is a positive, voluntary, active and conscious agreement to engage in sexual activity. When someone’s consenting, they agree and are confident in their decision to consent. Body language and verbal language should both give the same positive message.
• Consent is agreed upon by both partners, and with a clear understanding of what they’re agreeing to.
• The person who initiates the sexual contact or who wants to move to the next level of intimacy is responsible for asking for—and clearly receiving—consent before continuing with the sexual contact.
• A consent conversation includes asking, answering and negotiating.
• When there’s consent, both people feel safe and comfortable .  Safety and comfort (with themselves, their body, their partner and the situation) create an environment where both people can freely take part in all aspects of the consent conversation.
• For consent to happen, a person needs to be given the chance to say ‘no’.
• Consent is ongoing: one person asks permission for an activity and another person gives it. This conversation needs to continue as the activity continues or changes.
• Consent can be withdrawn at any time .  At any point, people can change their mind and withdraw consent. Consent given in the past doesn’t apply to any activities that happen later.
• Consent can’t be assumed or implied .  Flirting, clothing, sexual texts or social media communication aren’t consent.
• Consent can’t be assumed because people are in a relationship, nor should it be assumed if there was previous sexual activity. Permission must be asked for and given for an activity to proceed.
• Communication that’s not clear or is confusing isn’t consent .  If there’s any uncertainty that someone is agreeing to do something, the person initiating the activity must ask permission and wait until permission is clearly given before proceeding.
• Silence or not responding isn’t consent.
• Not physically resisting isn’t consent.
• People who are drunk, high, sleeping or unconscious can’t give consent, either legally or practically. To have clear communication about consent, both people should be sober and alert.

Important Points about Sexual Assault

• Sex without consent is sexual assault.
• Sexual assault can happen to anyone of any age and gender, and it can be committed by anyone of any age and gender.
• It’s important to use gender neutral language when talking about sexual assault. Not only does it reinforce unhealthy stereotypes, language that is gendered discourages men and boys and people who’ve been assaulted by women from disclosing the assault and getting help.
• The only person responsible for sexual assault is the person who didn’t ask for or get consent (perpetrator).
• Prevention messages are directed only at possible perpetrators, with the aim of preventing them from assaulting people.
• Prevention messages about how to avoid being sexually assaulted are no longer acceptable. They didn’t reduce instances of sexual assault. Instead, they increased shame in the person who was assaulted, reduced the likelihood of the survivor accessing services and gave the perpetrators excuses.
• ‘Sexual assault’ is the legal term in Canada and the correct term to use in the classroom. If a survivor uses the term ‘rape’, use the same language when talking with them.
• The term ‘survivor’ is generally used when referring to someone who has been sexually assaulted. If the person identifies themselves as a ‘victim’, use that same language.  The word ‘victim’ is often used by police or in a legal sense.
• The term ‘perpetrator’ is used for someone who commits an assault. They may not have been legally punished for that crime. 
• The term ‘offender’ is used for someone who commits an assault and is charged for that crime.

Consent and the Law

Canadian law states that the  age of consent is the age when a person can legally agree to sexual activity. Age of consent laws apply to all forms of sexual activity, ranging from kissing and fondling to sexual intercourse. By law, 16 year olds can consent to sexual activity, except if the:

• other person is in a position of authority (e.g., teacher, coach, or employer)
• sexual activity is exploitative (e.g., pornography , prostitution, or trading sex for safety)

There are “close in age” exceptions to this law:

• 14 and 15 year olds can consent to sexual activity if the partner is less than 5 years older.
• 12 and 13 year olds can consent to sexual activity if the partner is less than 2 years older.
• Children younger than 12 cannot consent to any type of sexual activity. Having sex with a child younger than 12 is against the law and is sexual abuse.

Sexting and the Law

• create sexual images/videos of anyone younger than 18 years old (including a video a person creates themselves). This is considered child pornography.
• possess child pornography, i.e., to save child pornography (on a phone, computer or other device)
• distribute child pornography, i.e., sell or share images/videos. This includes showing it to people, forwarding it, or posting it to the internet.
• How to Respond to a Sexual Assault Disclosure

Here are some supportive things you can do when a student discloses a sexual assault to you:

• Listen : Stay calm and give them your full attention. Let them know you heard what they told you.
• Believe : Believe what they told you. Say, “I believe you.” Disclosing an assault takes courage and strength.
• Be compassionate.  You can say, “You didn’t deserve this”.
• Stress that it’s not their fault.  Survivors usually blame themselves. Remind them that the perpetrator is the one responsible for the sexual assault.
• Know where to get help . You can call your local distress phone number or sexual assault support agency.

In Canada, the teacher must report the assault if the person is less than 18 years old. Speak to your administrator and/or local sexual assault agency about how to report a child sexual assault.

For more information about sexual assault, go to  Additional Resources .

For lesson plans on consent, see the Grade 9 and CALM pages. 

Teaching Consent

Talking to your kids about consent can be uncomfortable or overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be! 

Kids who understand the importance of consent:

• Feel empowered to confidently make decisions about their bodies
• Feel comfortable talking to trusted adults about these topics
• Know the importance of setting and respecting boundaries

It Starts With Respect

Teaching kids respect for their own and others' bodies helps empower them and reduces their chances of becoming victims. Explore and review the strategies outlined below to teach your child about asking for consent and setting boundaries.

Asking for consent

What is Consent?

Consent means giving someone a choice about touch or actions and respecting their answer. With children, we often use the language "asking for permission."

At this age, we want to lay the foundation for setting boundaries, making decisions about their bodies, asking for permission, and responding appropriately when someone says no to them.

Besides consent , kids need to learn that they can set boundaries and limits on when and how their bodies are touched and by whom. Some tips regarding boundaries follow.

Conversations around consent should be ongoing. Here’s how you can incorporate consent into everyday conversations with your child. 

Ways to ask your child for consent:

• “Do you want a hug goodbye today? We could also wave or high five.”
• “Can I sit beside you while we read this book?”
• "Can I tell your teacher that your grandma died?"

Ways to model consent:

• “Do you need a break from tickling, or are tickles still okay with you?”
• “It's OK if you don't want a goodnight hug."
• “Can I help you put your jacket on?”

Ways to teach your child to ask for consent with other children:

• “Do you want to play with the red or the blue car?”
• "Do you want to hold hands when we walk to lunch?"
• “Can I sit next to you on the bus?”

Teach Your Child:

• Your body belongs to you
• You get to decide what happens to your body
• No one should touch you without permission
• Telling someone not to touch you is NOT rude
• Consent means always choosing to respect others' boundaries
• Respecting someone’s boundaries shows that you care about them

More Opportunities for Conversation

Here’s how you can guide your child through stressful situations:

There are many types of scenarios and interactions that are already occurring in your child’s life when it comes to the topic of consent. Use these interactions as conversation starters or teachable moments. These are just a few different opportunities that you could use to talk to your child about consent. 

Opportunity #1: Your child is sad that their friend didn't want to sit next to them on the bus

We want to encourage children to accept a no answer, but we can also understand the sad or upset feelings that might come along with hearing “no” and help them to deal with those hard feelings in a positive way. You might say something like this:  

•  “I’m proud of you for respecting your friend’s answer and choosing another seat. That shows that you care about your friend.”
• “It seems like you’re sad, I can understand that. It can be hard to hear a friend or someone we love tell us no.”
• “What do you think you could do with your sad feelings? What would make you feel better?”

Opportunity #2: You’re watching TV and there’s inappropriate or uncomfortable content

This could be content about violence, bullying, substance abuse, or a sexual situation. When this happens, it’s a great time to either pause the show or talk to your child afterwards about what you just saw. Here are some questions you can ask to start the conversation:  

•  “If you were in that situation what would you do? What would you say?”
• “I hope you know that you could always talk to me if that ever happens to you or if you have any questions about a situation like that.”

Opportunity #3: You're planning a surprise party for a friend

You have instructed your child to keep the surprise a secret. Language around surprises and secrets can be tricky with kids because you don’t want them to keep secrets from you if they’re being hurt in any way. Here’s a way to help differentiate surprises and secrets:  

•  “Surprises are happy things that eventually everyone knows about. Our family doesn’t keep secrets because they can hurt other people.”

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Important note

It’s OK if you don’t have all the answers! If you’re not sure about something, let the child know that you will get back to them. Then, take time to research and talk to other people.

Ask the experts

How young should you talk to your children about consent.

Consent can be part of the conversation at any age! Consent, or asking for permission, is a normal part of everyday life. You can practice making consent part of the conversation with an infant or toddler by verbalizing that you are going to pick them up or talk through the actions you do with them. As children become more verbal, you can model how to ask for permission and respond appropriately when you do or do not receive permission from another person. Conversations about consent can be related to sharing toys and games, and understanding and respecting the personal space of others.

How often do I need to talk to kids about consent?

It shouldn’t be a one time-conversation. Children are receiving messages from all sorts of places, and as an adult, you can help them make sense of these messages. There are always opportunities in everyday situations to discuss consent and boundaries. Check out this resource to learn more.

How do I make sure other adults in my child’s life respect their boundaries?

It’s our responsibility as adults to keep kids safe. This means we need to be thoughtful about who they spend time with. We also need to educate our family, friends, neighbors, and coaches about our expectations around boundaries and consent. Explain to family members that you want to teach your kids about body autonomy; so if a child doesn’t want to sit on Grandma’s lap or give a hug or kiss, then it’s up to Grandma to respect these boundaries and she can offer an alternative, like a high five!

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The importance of discussing consent with my high school students

Cheryl-Ann Weekes is the high school counselor at the International Community School of Abidjan in Côte d’Ivoire. This is her 10th year working in international schools and her 22nd year as a school counselor. She uses quotes from her favorite author Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey to teach students about positive self-talk. 

Most international schools have a child protection policy and an annual staff training on how to report cases, the different types of abuse, and the expectations for how we interact with students. However prior to 2014 when I chose to conduct lessons for my grades 11 and 12 students, these types of lessons for students were not mandated at any of the schools where I worked.

I chose to take on this task because I believe that it is important that students fully understand the definition and parameters of consent. I want them to consider what it means to give and ask for consent and ultimately change the way they behave and interact so that they can respect the boundaries set by others. 

Approaching this topic

I start these lessons by giving them the definition of consent and then we discuss the following statements:

• Consent must be asked for and given
• The response must be verbal
• It is a one-time agreement
• The absence of a no or silence is not a yes 
• Consent can be taken away
• “No” is not an invitation to persuade anyone to “Yes”

For many students, it is the first time they have heard consent described in this way. I introduce the definition of coercion and how it is the opposite of consent, as evidence of the last statement. We discuss why it is not okay to try to change someone’s mind once they have said “no” and why if there is no answer or silence to a question they should take that as “no”. 

Student response

Their initial response is that it is awkward to ask for consent to do simple things like hug or touch or kiss someone because there are non verbal ways to give permission. When I ask how do you know a person doesn’t mind being touched on their knee or back or hugged? The most popular response is they don’t move away or they will lean into it.  I challenge them by reminding them that non verbal cues can be misread and misunderstood and to be certain that consent has been given, a verbal response is the best way. To their comments that asking for consent  is awkward, I tell them that this weirdness will lessen as it becomes a regular practice.  

We discuss why asking, “Do you like to be hugged?” or “Is it okay if I hug you?” doesn’t have to be awkward because it allows the other person to feel respected.  When I ask if they would speak up if someone stands too close to them or leans into them. They often say no, that they would just move away instead so as not to cause a scene. 

My goal at this point in the lesson is to help them understand that they should feel comfortable saying, “No, I don’t want to”, “Don’t do that” or “Stop” at any time.  We discuss the importance of speaking up when their boundaries have been breached even if it feels uncomfortable. 

When we move on to the part of consent that says it can be taken away at any point, initially students are surprised and confused. Society has trained many of us that if we start something we must go through with it. They have not been told very often that they have the right to change their minds and remove consent if they don’t want to continue with an activity. It is essential that both girls and boys understand that the taking away of consent can happen and should be respected.  It is also important that they understand the difference between flirting and sexual harassment so that they don’t unknowingly commit an offense.

When it clicks

It is great when you see students have “aha” moments where they have learned something new and plan to apply it. I enjoy the questions that come up as we engage in these discussions: like how do they protect themselves from false accusations. Here I stress the importance of having conversations with each other to agree on what will take place. I answer all their questions honestly and we discuss different scenarios because I want them to know the appropriate way to respond when they are in these situations.  

Often, parents get nervous when they hear that I am speaking with their children about consent. They are wary of me talking to them about sex and sexting because of their beliefs around these issues. I explain that I choose to talk about consent as it relates to personal boundaries not sexual conduct because I hope students will continue to come to new understandings and will continue to reexamine the way they interact with each other—the way they flirt and give compliments and ultimately the way they respect the boundaries of others. 

If we give young people the tools and the knowledge to reconsider what they already know, then changed behavior will follow. A new awareness of what consent means can help to decrease the instances of sexual harassment in school and in their friend groups. I encourage all counselors to start having conversations about consent with their students because it is never too early to help them understand the need for boundaries.  

Resources to help guide these conversations:

• Consent and communication
• Street harassment
• 6 ways to understand consent
• What is Sexual Harassment?

Visit our  Professional Learning Hub  to connect and explore opportunities for professional growth, both as an individual and as a school.

Informed Consent: Is it Attainable With Students in Schools?

Author(s): Carolyn Stone, Ed.D.

• Our Mission

Teaching Consent to Elementary Students

Teaching consent in the elementary grades means using nonsexual situations to guide students to assert and respect boundaries.

A year ago, at the height of the #MeToo movement and with new allegations of sexual assault hitting the news on a seemingly daily basis, third-grade teacher Liz Kleinrock was fed up.

“Where does this toxicity end?” Kleinrock asked herself. “And how can we take proactive measures to stop it?”

Her answer was to teach her students at Citizens of the World Silver Lake Charter School in Los Angeles about consent. After some discussion, Kleinrock and her students created a poster that collected their ideas to create a definition of consent.

Consent is often linked to sex, but it simply means giving permission. When taught to children, it can be applied to a variety of nonsexual situations—giving hugs, borrowing things, and sharing are scenarios Kleinrock’s students came up with.

Although sex is removed from the equation when teaching consent to elementary students, the end goal is to help prevent sexual harassment and assault by teaching students about personal boundaries, how to say no, and how to respect no—and in the unfortunate case that students do experience sexual abuse or harassment, how to ask for help.

One in four girls and one in 20 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18, and about 35 percent of sexual abuse victims are under 12 years old—elementary school age. And in a 2018 national survey, over 80 percent of women and 40 percent of men reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment or assault in their lifetime.

But teaching consent is not just about decreasing the prevalence of sexual violence and harassment, according to Jett Bachman, a K–5 sexuality educator for Day One , a nonprofit focused on ending dating abuse and domestic violence among youth. “It’s also a proactive way of providing young people with the tools they need to have healthy relationships with themselves and other people throughout their lives,” Bachman said.

The Landscape of Consent Education

Teaching consent is a recent development. Ten states and Washington, DC, recommend including consent education as part of sex education; only Oregon and California suggest that consent education start in kindergarten.

The guidance on consent education looks different from state to state. The Oregon Department of Education outlines what to teach: defining consent, describing how relationship power imbalances could impact personal boundaries, and being able to say—and respect hearing—no. California provides sample activities on how to teach consent . But what teachers and schools are missing is explicit instruction on how to teach it.

And not everyone agrees that it’s an educator’s job to teach consent. “It remains the job of the parents to discuss intimacy et al., with their children. Strangers are NOT equipped to speak for me,” parent Anne Fernandes wrote on Facebook in response to an Edutopia article about creating a culture of consent in the classroom .

What Schools Are Doing

Kleinrock’s lessons with her third graders involved anchor charts and journal prompts like, “What does it mean to give consent?” and “Why is consent important?” Her 8- and 9-year-old students wrote things like, “Asking for consent is important because if you didn’t thay midof not wanted to get tuchd.”

To give her kids practice saying yes and no in different situations, Kleinrock had them create comics showing what consent is and isn’t. Most students drew kids asking for a hug .

A Pennsylvania preschool teacher and co-founder of the nonprofit Your Empowered Sexuality (YES!), Isy Abraham-Raveson also uses art to prompt discussion in her classroom. Her students draw examples of when their boundaries have been crossed and present their drawings to the class. She also plays Red, Green, Yellow with students to reinforce the idea of boundaries: After Abraham-Raveson reads out a scenario, students move to a green area of the room if they believe boundaries are being respected, red if they think boundaries have been crossed, and yellow if they’re unsure. When a student moves from one color to another, Abraham-Raveson asks them to explain why.

Although there are teachers like Kleinrock and Abraham-Raveson who have taken on the task of teaching consent themselves, it’s common for schools to hire sexuality educators or work with organizations instead.

Most consent education programs have been created by sexual violence prevention organizations. Abraham-Raveson’s YES! is an outlier. She and two friends trained as sexuality educators and created YES! to give K–12 students the sex and consent education they wish they had gotten.

PowerUp, Speak Out , a multi-lesson program based in Montana, utilizes role-playing in schools to help break down complex concepts around consent. In one lesson, one student repeatedly asks for a hug and a partner comes up with ways to keep saying no without actually using that word.

California-based  Verity gives free 45- to 60-minute presentations using the video Consent for Kids and an English-Spanish coloring book to explain safe and unsafe touches, situations when you should say no, and the bathing suit rule—all body parts covered by a bathing suit are private.

Every program and sexuality educator I spoke to prompts students to write down the names of trusted adults they can talk to if anybody ever crosses their boundaries—including someone outside of their family. Ninety percent of kids who are sexually abused know their abuser ; almost 50 percent of abused children age 6 and under are abused by a family member.

One-and-done workshops don’t work, said Alan Berkowitz, a researcher and expert in violence prevention. “A lot of these one-time programs have what’s called the rebound [effect] where you have a positive impact, and then it disappears. One-time programs are not going to produce long-term change.”

Effective consent education can’t be a one-day class or limited to a health class, agreed sexuality expert Laura McGuire —it needs to be integrated throughout the curriculum.

Kleinrock incorporates consent education into core subjects like history and science. When her class is discussing topics like colonization or the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, for example, she may bring up the concept of consent.

“There are ways to approach consent outside of our physical bodies,” she said. “In all of these cases, there is this assumption by the dominant group that, ‘Yes, we can go in. We can take what we want. We can treat you how we want.’”

Gauging the effectiveness of consent education is difficult: It’s hard to know whether it will reduce sexual assault and violence in the future. But that doesn’t mean it’s not impactful. Abraham-Raveson believes that consent education is working when she sees a student stand up for themselves by saying, “You’re touching my body in a way I don’t like,” or when a kid asks for permission to sit on her lap.

Joyce Galindo, a bilingual prevention specialist at Verity, believes that she is succeeding if students leave with the words and tools they need to speak up if they are sexually abused.

After her presentations, Galindo provides time for each student to talk to her privately and ask questions. It’s not unusual for students to disclose that someone has been touching them inappropriately.

It’s common for young kids to believe that what is happening to them is normal, said Galindo. “By talking to kids about safe and unsafe touches and consent,” she added, “if something was to happen to them in the future, they will be able to recognize, ‘No, this is actually not OK.’”

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Bestiality references allegedly made during presentation at Renmark High School

Warning for readers: This article contains graphic language.

The South Australian Department for Education is investigating a presentation delivered to year 9 girls in a regional high school that allegedly referenced bestiality as being accepted by the LGBTQIA+ community.

Female students said teachers at Renmark High School told them to leave their lessons and attend a presentation in a separate classroom.

Students who attended the presentation on March 22 say two staff from the Headspace centre in the neighbouring town of Berri introduced a "third-party" presenter who facilitated an hour-long presentation focused on relationships.

Parents said they were not notified about the presentation, nor was it consented to.

Students said they were left unsupervised for the duration of the presentation.

Student Courtney White, 14, said she felt confused and blindsided by the presentation.

"We had a teacher that told us to grab a chair and sit in front of the board, and then the Headspace people came in and then [the teacher] left, so then we're sitting in front of a board alone with no teachers, just the Headspace people," she said.

"The first slide of the PowerPoint on the board was 'You can see queerly now' and 'No point hiding.'"

Girls felt 'really uncomfortable'

Fourteen-year-old Emelia Wundenberg said the presenter was graphic when referencing their own sexual preferences and spoke in sexually explicit terms about growing up and being confused about whether they idolised people of the same gender or wanted to be intimate with them.

Students say they were then given an explanation of the initialism LGBTQIA+, with each word and its meaning displayed on the screen.

"There was a slide for what the 'plus' means, and they just started randomly saying words that no-one knew, like bestiality," Emelia said.

"It was on the board when they were showing what the 'plus' meant."

The students said bestiality was then explained in detail and the presenter seemed to imply it was something practised by people who identified as LGBTQIA+.

"They said [the queer community] just accepts all of it, even though … isn't it illegal?" Emelia said.

As the talk went on multiple girls, including Courtney, began to feel uncomfortable and asked to leave the classroom to "go to the bathroom".

"We're all just sitting there like, 'What the hell? What are we doing here? Why are we learning about animals having sex with humans?'" she said.

"It was really disgusting, it was really uncomfortable."

Emelia said many of those who asked to leave the classroom did not return.

When the ABC sought comment from the presenter a response was sent on the person's behalf asking that reporters refrained from reaching out or naming them in its coverage.

'Normal procedure' not followed

Letters seen by the ABC that were sent to parents on behalf of Renmark High School principal Mat Evans stated that the presentation was meant to discuss "respectful relationships".

The letter acknowledged that the school's "normal procedure for notifying parents ahead of specific presentations was not followed".

Mr Evans said the third-party presenter had "been suspended from department schools while the department undertakes an investigation".

"We are undertaking an internal review to ensure that processes around such notifications and procedures with regard to third parties attending at our school are always met," he said.

The ABC contacted the Department for Education, which provided a similar statement and said the presentation was being investigated.

SA education department chief executive Martin Westwell said the presentation was "unacceptable" and "shouldn't have happened".

Speaking with ABC Radio Adelaide on Thursday, Professor Westwell said conversations about sexual health, societal norms, stereotypes and sexuality were normal parts of the Australian curriculum, but the presentation at Renmark High School was not.

"The core idea that students should understand sexuality and other sexualities is, I think, really important — but the way [the presenter] went about it was unacceptable," he said.

"The school has clearly made some mistakes.

"There should have been a teacher in the room when that occurred, but there wasn't and the principal has apologised for that.

"They hadn't reviewed the content.

"There was a few things that went wrong and it ended up with this inappropriate language and a few things being discussed in that session that were just not appropriate."

Support being provided to students

Headspace's national head of clinical leadership Nicola Palfrey said the organisation was aware of concerns raised by members of the Renmark community.

"We take all feedback very seriously and are reviewing how we can support and guide Headspace centres … to ensure presentations they facilitate or deliver are aligned with evidence and best practice and are safe and appropriate for young people," she said.

FocusOne Health Board chair Ian Gartley said the "focus at Headspace Berri, operated under licence by FocusOne Health, is on the mental health and wellbeing of young people".

"We are aware of concerns raised by local members of the Renmark community following a presentation delivered by a lived experience speaker that Headspace Berri facilitated at Renmark High School," he said.

"Our priority right now is ensuring that any young people and their families who may be experiencing distress receive the support they need."

All parties involved in the alleged incident declined to provide the presentation to the ABC.

Following the presentation, a follow-up letter seen by the ABC was sent to parents offering counselling services from the education department, which had arranged a social worker to attend the school to help support affected students.

Parents express shock and outrage

Parents of students who attended the presentation said it was a poor representation of the queer community and had raised many concerns about the school's protocols for third-party presentations.

"Who vetted this material? Who made sure it was safe for 14- and 15-year-old girls? Some of them are still 13," Emelia's mother Kristy Fyfe said.

"It has done a huge disservice to the [queer] community."

Following the presentation, Courtney's mother Nicki Gaylard removed her three children from Renmark High School. 

"My kids are in limbo," she said.

"They're not in an education department at this point.

"I'm not putting them anywhere until I know this won't happen again.

"Under no circumstances should a child in that school ever feel trapped and unsafe without someone with their certificate, meaning a teacher."

The ABC has spoken to five other parents whose children attended the presentation.

They substantiated the two girls' claims.

LGBTQIA+ educators condemn 'slur'

Sexuality educators and LGBTQIA+ inclusion advocates Mel Brush and Eleonora Bertsa-Fuchs conduct consent and queer inclusion training for schools, parents and workplaces via their social enterprise Let's Talk About X.

Both are secondary teachers and Mx Bertsa-Fuchs said queer education was important but should be delivered in a safe and appropriate setting.

"The teachers are the people that these young people have a relationship with, that they are familiar with, that they're comfortable with," Mx Bertsa-Fuchs said.

"When you're in a vulnerable situation, like a respectful relationships workshop or seminar, there should be someone in the room that you are familiar with."

Mx Brush said the alleged use of the word bestiality in the presentation was damaging to the queer community.

"It's pretty shocking to think about that term being thrown around like that, especially given how loaded it is, and for a historical context of the way that it's been used as a slur and to discriminate against LGBT+ people," Mx Brush said.

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Bilirakis Invites Local Parent and Students to Learn More about U.S. Service Academy Appointments

U.S. Congressman Gus Bilirakis invites local middle and high school students and their parents to attend his upcoming U.S. Service Academy Night featuring presentations by each of the five U.S. Service Academies.  Participants will learn about the Congressional nomination process and about how to prepare for a successful appointment. “ Service Academies offer an elite education to the best and brightest students who are ready to make a commitment to serve their country in the Armed Forces. During undergraduate studies, young men and women are developed into professional officers.   The Service Academy Night provides students and families with the best information possible about how to prepare for this unique learning opportunity,”  said Congressman Gus Bilirakis.

Information about the Academy prep schools, ROTC scholarship opportunities to USF and other universities, and military institutes will also be shared. Guidance Counselors, Mentors, Coaches, JROTC staff, and other school officials are invited and encouraged to attend.  

For more details, please see the flyer below.