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Five ways to better lead every aspect of your life.

How Robert Chen, WG’19, is applying Wharton’s Total Leadership Course to become a better leader in all areas of his life.

When we think about leadership, it’s usually in a professional context. We focus on how we lead our organizations, departments, and teams but rarely put any thought into how we lead other areas of our life. How are we doing in our family life, our community, our own health and well-being? Are we leading these areas or are we just going with the flow hoping things will turn out OK? Why don’t we lead these other areas of our life?

These were the questions I asked myself during Prof. Stew Friedman’s Total Leadership course. What attracted me to take this course was his concept that work-life balance doesn’t work because it implies having to make trade-offs. Instead of managing life as slices of a pie that gets smaller or bigger at the expense of each other, his approach considers different areas of your life as independent circles that can potentially overlap with each other.

This new construct helped me unlock the creativity to better optimize my life and it has transformed the way I live and work. Here are five insights I took away from the course:

1. Lead your life: Don’t use one area of your life to make excuses for another area.

Before this program, I often felt guilty about not getting home early enough to spend time with my kids. I used work as my excuse, rationalizing that now was the time to focus on my career and once I’ve “made it,” I can carve out more time for family. Along the same vein, I used my two young sons as the excuse for not exercising. I would tell myself, “How can I afford to work out if I don’t even have enough time to spend with my kids?” Then I would use the time I needed for work, school, family, and exercise to justify why I slept on average only five hours each night.

I found myself often saying how much I wanted to do these things but explaining how I couldn’t because of these many legitimate excuses. Looking back, that was a weak way of living. This experience has taught me to either do what I say is important to do or stop saying it’s important to me . Either way is fine but continuing to make excuses is not.

As part of this course, we all conducted personal experiments. For my experiments, I committed to getting 7+ hours of sleep, getting home before 7 p.m. during most of the work week, and exercising daily, which included running twice a week. I was initially skeptical since I’ve had so many false starts trying to implement similar positive habits but I’m excited to share that, so far, I’ve not only sustained these habits, but I just completed my first half-marathon after never running a race in the past.

What made the difference this time was clarifying the vision I wanted for my life and taking control to bring that vision to life. Essentially, leading myself to where I wanted to go.

2. Sleep really matters.

I was lucky to choose to sleep 7+ hours as one of my experiments because there was no other habit change that yielded faster and more drastic results. I used to subscribe to the “you can sleep when you retire” and “I’m successful because I work harder and longer than everyone else” mantra. I’m beginning to see the fault in this thinking and realizing that I may have spun my wheels more often than I am aware of or care to admit.

After consistently getting 7+ hours of sleep, I noticed my mood becoming more positive and relaxed. What surprised me the most was that I immediately stopped craving coffee (I was drinking about 2-3 cups a day for the last few years).

I also found sleeping sufficiently is a linchpin habit . The days when I was well-rested, I almost always completed every other habit change along with my work and school goal for that day. It allowed me to exercise more self-control and discipline .

3. Create constraints to force creativity.

Forcing myself to get home early, sleep enough hours, and exercise daily meant taking time away from other areas of my life, especially work. Initially, I was worried I wouldn’t get my work done leading to adverse consequences. What I found instead was the most important work was still getting done and since my deadlines were tighter, I became more effective with my time . Having less time for work began to prevent me from over-engineering my work and school projects.

It also helped me to be more creative about my time. Instead of agreeing to drinks or dinner with a client, I would offer to meet for breakfast or lunch, so I can keep my commitment to get home early. I started running and working out with other people as a great way to catch up with them. Interestingly, by creating constraints and forcing myself to keep these new habits, the quality of my life has increased at home and at work.

4. Be the building block for other people’s goals.

One of the key exercises in the Total Leadership process was to set up conversations with the most important stakeholders in the different areas of your life. The goal is to ask your stakeholders about their expectations for you and how you’re doing in meeting those expectations.

Holding these conversations, I realized that I often see people around me as building blocks to my success and drive our interactions in the direction of my agenda and accomplishing my goals. Hearing people’s expectations of me have made me realize that other people have their own needs and aspirations and to create long-term, positive relationships with them, I need to be the building block for their goals and success .

If you want people to see you as a leader, they first have to recognize that their life will be better because they follow you. There is no better way to do that than to become a critical part in their quest for success and meaning.

5. Grow the relationships you take for granted.

Every year I have clear goals to improve and to grow my career. It seems like the natural thing to do. What’s interesting is when I reflect on my closest relationships, I don’t have the same aspirational tendency. I don’t think about growing these relationships and at best, the relationship stays where it is. The only time I pay attention is when the relationship gets strained and I spend just enough energy to get it back to the original level.

Applying the same growth mentality from my career to my personal relationships, I asked my wife, family, and others close to me what we needed to do to take our relationship to the next level. Just by having these conversations, my key relationships are beginning to thrive and grow and it’s having a positive impact on other areas of my life. When you ask people about their needs and truly listen, they often become open to sincerely understanding your needs .

I came to Wharton to pick up the skills needed to succeed in business and am graduating with skills to help me succeed in life.

— Robert Chen

Posted: January 2, 2019

Creating Leaders
Philadelphia
Work/Life Balance

EMBA Program

Wharton MBA Program for Executives

Robert Chen, WG’19

Currently Partner, Exec|Comm , a global communication skills consultancy

Founder, Embrace Possibility , an online resource to help people reach their full potential

Based In New York City, NY

Wharton Campus Philadelphia

Prior Education Cornell University, B.S. Chemistry and Economics

Read Robert’s previous articles:

A Survival Guide for Your First Term in Wharton’s EMBA Program
8 Insights on Leadership from GM CEO Mary Barra and the Wharton People Analytics Conference

Why I Chose to Major in Quantitative Finance

How Wharton Students Promote Financial Literacy with Financial Wellness @ Penn

Honoring Veteran Students in the Wharton MBA Program for Executives

Why Paying for Your MBA is Worth the Investment

Faculty Insights: How to Lead and Work Through a Pandemic

How 1,200 MBA Students Helped Small Businesses Survive the Pandemic

How This EMBA Student Is Bringing Wharton Insights Back to Amazon

How This Neurosurgeon Prepared for the Executive Assessment

How Wharton is Helping this CEO Grow a Youth Sports Business

Podcast: How the Philadelphia Zoo is Creating Opportunities for Neighboring Communities

The Story Behind Wharton Convocation and 7 Pieces of Advice to Begin Your Academic Journey

How This Undergrad Revamped the Club Recruitment Process for Wharton Freshmen

Can BlackRock’s Strategy Shift Make a Difference on Climate Change? Wharton’s Katherine Klein Weighs In

The 4 Lessons Alphabet CFO Ruth Porat Learned from the Financial Crisis

How Wharton’s Network and Executive Career Coaching Made Career Impact for This Alum

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A fresh take on must-see TV

Three Harvard scholars — Jill Lepore (from left, photo 1), David Hempton, and Michael Norton — offered their thoughts on what it means to lead a good life in today’s complex world. President Drew Faust opened the HAA-sponsored talk in London (photo 2), which included an opportunity for people to share what Harvard means to them. For Hempton (photo 3), it is “Where I try to make the world a better place.”

Photos by Stuart Vallis

Keys to a good life

Colleen Walsh

Harvard Staff Writer

Three Harvard professors outline their priorities to alumni audience in London

How do you lead a good life? That seemingly simple question has preoccupied and perplexed mankind for centuries.

For author and historian Jill Lepore , one key to fulfillment involves poring over old manuscripts and dusty correspondence and emerging with a compelling, enlightening story to share.

“As a reader, I find no explanation more satisfying than a historical explanation, especially if it’s completely cluttered, overwhelmingly cluttered, with evidence,” said Lepore, Harvard’s David Woods Kemper ’41 Professor of American History and a staff writer for The New Yorker , via email. “I love trying to find that kind of explanation in the archives, and then writing an essay, or giving a lecture, that offers that explanation in the form of a story.”

She wrote, speaking more broadly, that her life goals include “to do good, quietly, and to hold beauty dear.”

Lepore was one of three Harvard scholars who offered their insights into what personal fulfillment means, in advance of their participation in a discussion Tuesday in London called “The Examined Life.”

Harvard President Drew Faust welcomed alumni to Guildhall, the historic town hall in England’s capital, to share her vision for Harvard’s future and to introduce the day’s discussion. The Harvard Alumni Association and the Harvard Club of the United Kingdom sponsored the event, the first in a series titled “Your Harvard” that will take place throughout The Harvard Campaign .

In the discussions, Harvard faculty members will probe challenges facing society and innovative solutions to them. Other “Your Harvard” events will take place in Los Angeles on March 8 and in New York City on May 14.

It’s a common refrain that money can’t buy you happiness. But according to Harvard Business School ’s Michael Norton , if you spend it correctly, it actually can.

For the past several years, Norton, associate professor of business administration and Marvin Bower Fellow at Harvard Business School, has explored how the ways that people spend their money can correlate to their level of happiness. His work is chronicled in last year’s book “Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending,” co-authored with Elizabeth Dunn, associate professor in the psychology department at the University of British Columbia .

Simply put, the pair found there were emotional dividends in paying it forward. After studying people’s spending habits across a range of countries and income levels, Norton and Dunn concluded that when a person spends money on someone else — whether by a donation to a good cause, or just taking a friend to lunch — that person is generally happier.

“When you buy things for yourself, it’s not bad for your happiness; it just isn’t good. It doesn’t do much for you. Or even if it does, it wears off really quickly,” said Norton. “But when we give to other people … it turns out it does make us happier.”

To keep that happy feeling, people should think about giving regularly, said Norton, instead of giving in a “responsive way,” such as when a colleague asks to be sponsored in a race.

“We really encourage people to think instead regularly [about] how much of your money you are spending on ridiculous things for yourself, and how much of your money are you spending to help other people.”

Since starting his research, Norton has taken his own advice. He signed up with a charity that sends him monthly email reminders that it’s time to give to a public school project of his choice. To get that happy feeling, he said, all he has to do is turn his head. Posted on the wall of his office is a handwritten note from a young student thanking him for a recent donation that helped the class purchase science equipment.

“You really know that your money is having an impact … it’s incredible.”

Lepore’s 2012 book “The Mansion of Happiness: A History of Life and Death,” uses a historical lens to explore big, existential questions like, how does life begin? What does it mean? What happens when you’re dead? But it was actually while writing her most recent work, a portrait of Benjamin Franklin’s sister called “Book of Ages: The Life and Opinions of Jane Franklin,” that she learned “the most about the shape of life from writing history.”

“What I learned, I didn’t see until I was nearly done writing. And it’s that I wrote for my mother,” said Lepore, who penned an essay for The New Yorker titled “The Prodigal Daughter” about her mother, who died last year.

The essay is “about how the best in us is, in the end, a monument to the people we love.”

For people worried that the world’s religions seem increasingly associated with violence, corruption, and intolerance, Harvard Divinity School Dean David Hempton offered words of hope. In an email, the third speaker at the London session acknowledged that while religion, for a variety of complex reasons, can be a source of “inflaming division,” it can also be a source of solace, hope, and goodness.

“All of the world’s great religious traditions have resources within them for promoting peace, goodness, and human flourishing,” said Hempton, “for example, the almost generic emphasis on the Golden Rule for loving neighbors as ourselves.”

For Hempton, the good life involves concern for the well-being and flourishing of others, empathy, social justice, and “a disciplined (and informed) commitment to try to make the world a better place.”

“In the words of Arnold Toynbee, ‘Love is what gives life its meaning and purpose,’” wrote Hempton. “How that works out in the promotion of human flourishing is, of course, complicated and can give rise to honest disagreement over ways and means. But posing the questions and seeking answers are vital.”

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The Better Good Life: An Essay on Personal Sustainability

Imagine a cherry tree in full bloom, its roots sunk into rich earth and its branches covered with thousands of blossoms, all emitting a lovely fragrance and containing thousands of seeds capable of producing many more cherry trees. The petals begin to fall, covering the ground in a blanket of white flowers and scattering the seeds everywhere.

Some of the seeds will take root, but the vast majority will simply break down along with the spent petals, becoming part of the soil that nourishes the tree — along with thousands of other plants and animals.

Looking at this scene, do we shake our heads at the senseless waste, mess and inefficiency? Does it look like the tree is working too hard, showing signs of strain or collapse? Of course not. But why not?

Well, for one thing, because the whole process is beautiful, abundant and pleasure producing: We enjoy seeing and smelling the trees in bloom, we’re pleased by the idea of the trees multiplying (and producing delicious cherries ), and everyone for miles around seems to benefit in the process.

The entire lifecycle of the cherry tree is rewarding, and the only “waste” involved is an abundant sort of nutrient cycling that only leads to more good things.

The entire lifecycle of the cherry tree is rewarding, and the only “waste” involved is an abundant sort of nutrient cycling that only leads to more good things. Best of all, this show of productivity and generosity seems to come quite naturally to the tree. It shows no signs of discontent or resentment — in fact, it looks like it could keep this up indefinitely with nothing but good, sustainable outcomes.

The cherry-tree scenario is one model that renowned designer and sustainable-development expert William McDonough uses to illustrate how healthy, sustainable systems are supposed to work. “Every last particle contributes in some way to the health of a thriving ecosystem,” he writes in his essay (coauthored with Michael Braungart), “The Extravagant Gesture: Nature, Design and the Transformation of Human Industry” (available at).

Rampant production in this scenario poses no problem, McDonough explains, because the tree returns all of the resources it extracts (without deterioration or diminution), and it produces no dangerous stockpiles of garbage or residual toxins in the process. In fact, rampant production by the cherry tree only enriches everything around it.

In this system and most systems designed by nature, McDonough notes, “Waste that stays waste does not exist. Instead, waste nourishes; waste equals food.”

If only we humans could be lucky and wise enough to live this way — using our resources and energy to such good effect; making useful, beautiful, extravagant contributions; and producing nothing but nourishing “byproducts” in the process.

If only we humans could be lucky and wise enough to live this way — using our resources and energy to such good effect; making useful, beautiful, extravagant contributions ; and producing nothing but nourishing “byproducts” in the process. If only our version of rampant production and consumption produced so much pleasure and value and so little exhaustion, anxiety, depletion and waste.

Well, perhaps we can learn. More to the point, if we hope to create a decent future for ourselves and succeeding generations, we must. After all, a future produced by trends of the present — in which children are increasingly treated for stress, obesity, high blood pressure and heart disease, and in which our chronic health problems threaten to bankrupt our economy — is not much of a future.

We need to create something better. And for that to happen, we must begin to reconsider which parts of our lives contribute to the cherry tree’s brand of healthy vibrance and abundance, and which don’t.

The happy news is, the search for a more sustainable way of life can go hand in hand with the pursuit of a healthier, more rewarding life. And isn’t that the kind of life most of us are after?

In Search of Sustainability and Satisfaction

McDonough’s cherry-tree model represents several key principles of sustainability — including lifecycle awareness, no-waste nutrient cycling and a commitment to “it’s-all-connected” systems thinking (see “ See the Connection “). And it turns out that many of these principles can be usefully applied not just to natural resources and ecosystems, but to all systems — from frameworks for economic and industrial production to blueprints for individual and collective well-being.

For example, when we look at our lives through the lens of sustainability, we can begin to see how unwise short-term tradeoffs (fast food, skipped workouts, skimpy sleep, strictly-for-the-money jobs) produce waste (squandered energy and vitality, unfulfilled personal potential, excessive material consumption) and toxic byproducts (illness, excess weight , depression, frustration, debt).

We can also see how healthy choices and investments in our personal well-being can produce profoundly positive results that extend to our broader circles of influence and communities at large.

Conversely, we can also see how healthy choices and investments in our personal well-being can produce profoundly positive results that extend to our broader circles of influence and communities at large. When we’re feeling our best and overflowing with energy and optimism, we tend to be of greater service and support to others. We’re clearer of mind, meaning we can identify opportunities to reengineer the things that aren’t working in our lives. We can also more fully appreciate and emphasize the things that are (as opposed to feeling stuck in a rut , down in the dumps, unappreciated or entitled to something we’re not getting).

When you look at it this way, it’s not hard to see why sustainability plays such an important role in creating the conditions of a true “ good life ”: By definition, sustainability principles discourage people from consuming or destroying resources at a greater pace than they can replenish them. They also encourage people to notice when buildups and depletions begin occurring and to correct them as quickly as possible.

As a result, sustainability-oriented approaches tend to produce not just robust, resilient individuals , but resilient and regenerative societies — the kind that manage to produce long-term benefits for a great many without undermining the resources on which those benefits depend. (For a thought-provoking exploration of how and why this has been true historically, read Jared Diamond’s excellent book Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed .)

The Good Life Gone Bad

So, what exactly is a “good life”? Clearly, not everyone shares the same definition, but most of us would prefer a life filled with experiences we find pleasing and worthwhile and that contribute to an overall sense of well-being.

We’d prefer a life that feels good in the moment, but that also lays the ground for a promising future — a life, like the cherry tree’s, that contributes something of value and that benefits and enriches the lives of others, or at least doesn’t cause them anxiety and harm.

Unfortunately, historically, our pursuit of the good life has focused on increasing our material wealth and upgrading our socioeconomic status in the short term (learn more at “ What Is Affluenza? “). And, in the big picture, that approach has not turned out quite the way we might have hoped.

For too many, the current version of “the good life” involves working too-long hours and driving too-long commutes. It has us worrying and running ourselves ragged.

For too many, the current version of “the good life” involves working too-long hours and driving too-long commutes. It has us worrying and running ourselves ragged, overeating to soothe ourselves, watching TV to distract ourselves, binge-shopping to sate our desire for more, and popping prescription pills to keep troubling symptoms at bay. This version of “the good life” has given us only moments a day with the people we love, and virtually no time or inclination to participate as citizens or community members.

It has also given us anxiety attacks; obesity; depression ; traffic jams; urban sprawl; crushing daycare bills; a broken healthcare system; record rates of addiction, divorce and incarceration; an imploding economy; and a planet in peril.

From an economic standpoint, we’re more productive than we’ve ever been. We’ve focused on getting more done in less time. We’ve surrounded ourselves with technologies designed to make our lives easier, more comfortable and more amusing.

Yet, instead of making us happy and healthy, all of this has left a great many of us feeling depleted, lonely, strapped, stressed and resentful. We don’t have enough time for ourselves, our loved ones, our creative aspirations or our communities. And in the wake of the bad-mortgage-meets-Wall-Street-greed crisis, much of the so-called value we’ve been busy creating has seemingly vanished before our eyes, leaving future generations of citizens to pay almost inconceivably huge bills.

The conveniences we’ve embraced to save ourselves time have reduced us to an unimaginative, sedentary existence that undermines our physical fitness and mental health and reduces our ability to give our best gifts.

Meanwhile, the quick-energy fuels we use to keep ourselves going ultimately leave us feeling sluggish, inflamed and fatigued. The conveniences we’ve embraced to save ourselves time have reduced us to an unimaginative, sedentary existence that undermines our physical fitness and mental health and reduces our ability to give our best gifts. (Not sure what your best gift is? See “ Play to Your Strengths ” for more.)

Our bodies and minds are showing the telltale symptoms of unsustainable systems at work — systems that put short-term rewards ahead of long-term value. We’re beginning to suspect that the costs we’re incurring could turn out to be unacceptably high if we ever stop to properly account for them, which some of us are beginning to do.

Accounting for What Matters

Defining the good life in terms of productivity, material rewards and personal accomplishment is a little like viewing the gross domestic product (GDP) as an accurate measurement of social and economic progress.

In fact, the GDP is nothing more than a gross tally of products and services bought and sold, with no distinctions between transactions that enhance well-being and transactions that diminish it, and no accounting for most of the “externalities” (like losses in vitality, beauty and satisfaction) that actually have the greatest impact on our personal health and welfare.

We’d balk if any business attempted to present a picture of financial health by simply tallying up all of its business activity — lumping income and expense, assets and liabilities, and debits and credits together in one impressive, apparently positive bottom-line number (which is, incidentally, much the way our GDP is calculated).

Yet, in many ways, we do the same kind of flawed calculus in our own lives — regarding as measures of success the gross sum of the to-dos we check off, the salaries we earn, the admiration we attract and the rungs we climb on the corporate ladder.

But not all of these activities actually net us the happiness and satisfaction we seek, and in the process of pursuing them, we can incur appalling costs to our health and happiness. We also make vast sacrifices in terms of our personal relationships and our contributions to the communities, societies and environments on which we depend.

This is the essence of unsustainability , the equivalent of a cherry tree sucking up nutrients and resources and growing nothing but bare branches, or worse — ugly, toxic, foul-smelling blooms. So what are our options?

Asking the Right Questions

In the past several years, many alternative, GDP-like indexes have emerged and attempted to more accurately account for how well (or, more often, how poorly) our economic growth is translating to quality-of-life improvements.

Measurement tools like the Genuine Progress Indicator (GPI), developed by Redefining Progress, a nonpartisan public-policy and economic think tank, factor in well-being and quality-of-life concerns by considering both positive and negative impacts of various products and services. They also measure more impacts overall (including impacts on elements of “being” and “doing” vs. just “having”). And they evaluate whether various financial expenditures represent a net gain or net loss — not just in economic terms, but also in human, social and ecological ones (see “Sustainable Happiness,” below).

Perhaps it’s time to consider our personal health and well-being in the same sort of broader context — distinguishing productive activities from destructive ones, and figuring the true costs and unintended consequences of our choices into the assessment of how well our lives are working.

To that end, we might begin asking questions like these:

Where, in our rush to accomplish or enjoy “more” in the short run, are we inadvertently creating the equivalent of garbage dumps and toxic spills (stress overloads, health crises, battered relationships, debt) that will need to be cleaned up later at great (think Superfund) effort and expense?
Where, in our impatience to garner maximum gains in personal productivity, wealth or achievement in minimum time, are we setting the stage for bailout scenarios down the road? (Consider the sacrifices endured by our families, friends and colleagues when we fall victim to a bad mood, much less a serious illness or disabling health condition.)
Where, in an attempt to avoid uncertainty, experimentation or change , are we burning through our limited and unrenewable resource of time (staying at jobs that leave us depleted, for example), rather than striving to harness our bottomless stores of purpose-driven enthusiasm (by, say, pursuing careers or civic duties of real meaning)?
Where are we making short-sighted choices or non-choices (about our health, for example) that sacrifice the resources we need (energy, vitality, clear focus) to make progress and contributions in other areas of our lives?

In addition to these assessments, we can also begin imagining what a better alternative would look like:

What might be possible if we embraced a different version of the good life — the kind of good life in which the vast majority of our choices both feel good and do good?
What if we took a systems view of our life , acknowledging how various inputs and outputs play out (for better or worse) over time? What if we fully considered how those around us are affected by our choices now and in the long term?
What if we embraced more choices that honor our true nature, that gave us more opportunities to use our talents and enthusiasms in the service of a higher purpose?

One has to wonder how many of our health and fitness challenges would evaporate under such conditions — how many compensatory behaviors (overeating, hiding out, numbing out) would simply no longer have a draw.

How many health-sustaining behaviors would become easy and natural choices if each of us were driven by a strong and joyful purpose , and were no longer saddled with the stress and dissatisfaction inherent in the lives we live now?

Think about the cherry-tree effect implicit in such a scenario: each of us getting our needs met, fulfilling our best potential, living at full vitality, and contributing to healthy, vital, sustainable communities in the process.

If it sounds a bit idealistic, that’s probably because it describes an ideal distant enough from our current reality to provoke a certain amount of hopelessness. But that doesn’t mean it’s entirely unrealistic. In fact, it’s a vision that many people are increasingly convinced is the only kind worth pursuing.

Turning the Corner

Maybe it has something to do with how many of our social, economic and ecological systems are showing signs of extreme strain. Maybe it’s how many of us are sick and tired of being sick and tired — or of living in a culture where everyone else seems sick and tired. Maybe it’s the growing realization that no matter how busy and efficient we are, if our efforts don’t feed us in a deep way, then all that output may be more than a little misguided. Whatever the reason, a lot of us are asking: If our rampant productivity doesn’t make us happy, doesn’t allow for calm and creativity, doesn’t give us an opportunity to participate in a meaningful way — then, really, what’s the point?

These days, it seems that more of us are taking a keen interest in seeking out better ways, and seeing the value of extending the lessons of sustainability beyond the natural world and into our own perspectives on what the good life is all about.

In her book MegaTrends 2010: The Rise of Conscious Capitalism , futurist Patricia Aburdene describes a hopeful collection of social and economic trends shaped by a large and influential subset of the American consuming public. What these 70 million individuals have in common, she explains, are some very specific values-driven behaviors — most of which revolve around seeking a better, deeper, more meaningful and sustainable quality of life (discover the four pillars or meaning at “ How to Build a Meaningful Life “).

[“Conscious Consumers” balance] short-term desires and conveniences with long-term well-being — not just their own, but that of their local and larger communities, and of the planet as a whole.

These “Conscious Consumers,” as Aburdene characterizes them, are more carefully weighing material and economic payoffs against moral and spiritual ones. They are balancing short-term desires and conveniences with long-term well-being — not just their own, but that of their local and larger communities, and of the planet as a whole. They are acting, says Aburdene, out of a sort of “enlightened self-interest,” one that is deeply rooted in concerns about sustainability in all its forms.

“Enlightened self-interest is not altruism,” she explains. “It’s self-interest with a wider view. It asks: If I act in my own self-interest and keep doing so, what are the ramifications of my choices? Which acts — that may look fine right now — will come around and bite me and others one year from now? Ten years? Twenty-five years?”

In other words, Conscious Consumers are not merely consumers, but engaged and concerned individuals who think in terms of lifecycles, who perceive the subtleties and complexities of interconnected systems .

As John Muir famously said: “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.” Just as the cherry tree is tethered in a complex ecosystem of relationships, so are we.

Facing Reality

When we live in a way that diminishes us or weighs us down — whether as the result of poor physical health and fitness, excess stress and anxiety, or any compromise of our best potential — we inevitably affect countless other people and systems whose well-being relies on our own.

For example, if we don’t have the time and energy to make food for ourselves and our families, we end up eating poorly, which further diminishes our energy, and may also result in our kids having behavior or attention problems at school, undermining the quality of their experience there, and potentially creating problems for others.

As satisfaction and well-being go down, need and consumption go up.

If we skimp on sleep and relaxation in order to “get more done,” we court illness and depression, risking both our own and others’ productivity and happiness in the process and diminishing the creativity with which we approach challenges.

At the individual level, unsustainable choices create strain and misery. At the collective level, they do the same thing, with exponential effect. Because, when not enough of us are living like thriving cherry trees, cycles of scarcity (rather than abundance) ensue. Life gets harder for everyone. As satisfaction and well-being go down, need and consumption go up. Our sense of “enough” becomes distorted.

Taking Full Account

The basic question of sustainability is this: Can you keep doing what you’re doing indefinitely and without ill effect to yourself and the systems on which you depend — or are you (despite short-term rewards you may be enjoying now, or the “someday” relief you’re hoping for) on a likely trajectory to eventual suffering and destruction?

When it comes to the ecology of the planet, this question has become very pointed in recent years. But posed in the context of our personal lives, the question is equally instructive: Are we living like the cherry tree — part of a sustainable and regenerative cycle — or are we sucking up resources, yet still obsessed with what we don’t have? Are we continually generating new energy, vitality, generosity and personal potential , or wasting it?

We can work just so hard and consume just so much before we begin to experience both diminishing personal returns and increasing degenerative costs.

The human reality, in most cases, isn’t quite as pretty as the cherry tree in full bloom. We can work just so hard and consume just so much before we begin to experience both diminishing personal returns and increasing degenerative costs. And when enough of us are in a chronically diminished state of well-being, the effect is a sort of social and moral pollution — the human equivalent of the greenhouse gasses that threaten our entire ecosystem.

Accounting for these soft costs, or even recognizing them as relevant externalities, is not something we’ve been trained to do well. But all that is changing — in part, because many of us are beginning to realize that much of what we’ve been sold in the name of “progress” is now looking like anything but. And, in part, because we’re starting to believe that not only might there be a better way, but that the principles for creating it are staring us right in the face.

By making personal choices that respect the principles of sustainability, we can interrupt the toxic cycles of overconsumption and overexertion. Ultimately, when confronted with the possibility of a better quality of life and more satisfying expression of our potential, the primary question becomes not just can we continue living the way we have been, but perhaps just as important, why would we even want to ?

If the approach we’ve been taking appears likely to make us miserable (and perhaps extinct), then it makes sense to consider our options. How do we want to live for the foreseeable and sustainable future, and what are the building blocks for that future? What would it be like to live in a community where most people were overflowing with vitality and looking for ways to be of service to others?

While no one expert or index or council claims to have all the answers to that question, when it comes to discerning the fundamentals of the good life, nature conveniently provides most of the models we need. It suggests a framework by which we can better understand and apply the principles of sustainability to our own lives. Now it’s up to us to apply them.

Make It Sustainable

Here are some right-now changes you can make to enhance and sustain your personal well-being:

1. Rethink Your Eating.

Look beyond meal-to-meal concerns with weight. Aim to eat consciously and selectively in keeping with the nourishment you want to take in, the energy and personal gifts you want to contribute, and the influence you want to have on the world around you.

To that end, you might start eating less meat, or fewer packaged foods, or you might start eating regularly so that you have enough energy to exercise (and so that your low blood sugar doesn’t negatively affect your mood and everyone around you).

You also might start packing your lunch, suggests money expert Vicki Robin: Not only will you have more control over what and how you eat, but the money you’ll save over the course of a career can amount to a year’s worth of work. “Bringing your lunch saves you a year of your life,” she says.

2. Set a Regular Bedtime

Having a target bedtime can help you get the sleep you need to be positive and productive, and to avoid becoming depleted and depressed. Research confirms that adequate sleep is essential to clear thinking, balanced mood, healthy metabolism, strong immunity, optimal vitality and strong professional performance.

Research also shows that going to bed earlier provides a higher quality of rest than sleeping in, so get your hours at the start of the night. By taking care of yourself in this simple way, you lay the groundwork for all kinds of regenerative (vs. depleting) cycles.

3. Own Your Outcomes

If there are parts of your life you don’t like — parts that feel toxic, frustrating or wasteful to you — be willing to trace the outcomes back to their origins, including your choices around self-care , seeking help, balancing priorities and sticking to your core values.

Also examine the full range of outputs and impacts: What waste or damage is occurring as a result of this area of unresolved challenge? Who else and what else in your life might be paying too-high a price for the scenario in question? If you’re unsure about whether or not a choice or an activity you’re involved in is sustainable, ask yourself the following questions:

Given the option, would I do or choose this again? Would I do it indefinitely?
How long can I keep this up, and at what cost — not just to me, but to the other people and systems I care about?
What have I sacrificed to get here; what will it take for me to continue? Are the rewards worth it, even if the other areas of my life suffer?

Sustainable Happiness

Not all growth and productivity represent progress, particularly if you consider happiness and well-being as part of the equation. The growing gap between our gross domestic product and Genuine Progress Indicator (as represented below) suggests we could be investing our resources with far happier results.

Data source: Redefining Progress, rprogress.org . Chart graphic courtesy of Yes! magazine.

Learn more about the most reliable, sustainable sources of happiness and well-being in the Winter 2009 issue of Yes! magazine, available at www.yesmagazine.org .

Learning From Nature

What can we learn from ecological sustainability about the best ways to balance and sustain our own lives? Here are a few key lessons:

Everything is in relationship with everything else. So overdrawing or overproducing in one area tends to negatively affect other areas. An excessive focus on work can undermine your relationship with your partner or kids. Diminished physical vitality or low mood can affect the quality of your work and service to others.
What comes around goes around. Trying to “cheat” or “skimp” or “get away with something” in the short term generally doesn’t work because the true costs of cheating eventually become painfully obvious. And very often the “cleanup” costs more and takes longer than it would have to simply do the right thing in the first place.
Waste not, want not. Unpleasant accumulations or unsustainable drains represent opportunities for improvement and reinvention. Nature’s models of nutrient cycling show us that what looks like waste can become food for a process we simply haven’t engaged yet: Anxiety may be nervous energy that needs to be burned off, or a nudge to do relaxation and self-inquiry exercises that will churn up new insights and ideas. Excess fat may be fuel for enjoyable activities we’ve resisted doing or haven’t yet discovered — or a clue that we’re hungry for something other than food. The clutter in our homes may represent resources that we haven’t gotten around to sharing. Look for ways to put waste and excess to work, and you may discover all kinds of “nutrients” just looking for attention. (See “ The Emotional Toll of Clutter “.)

The Sustainable Self

Connie Grauds, RPh, is a pharmacist who combines her Western medical training with shamanic teachings, and in her view, we get caught in wearying patterns primarily because of fear . “Energy-depleting thoughts and feelings underlie energy-depleting habits,” Grauds writes in her book The Energy Prescription , cowritten with Doug Childers. She says that we often burn ourselves out because we’re unconsciously afraid of what will happen if we don’t.

Grauds uses the shamanic term “susto” to describe our anxious response to external situations we can’t control — the traffic jam, the work deadline, the pressure to buy stuff we don’t really need. “Susto” triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response, which encourages short-term, unconscious reactions to stress. When we shift to a more internal focus, tuning in to our body’s physical and emotional signals more reflectively, we act from what Grauds calls our “sustainable self.” She says the sustainable self can be accessed anytime with a simple four-step process:

Take a deep breath ;
Feel your body;
Notice your thoughts, and then;
Recognize that you are connected to a larger network of energy .

“A sustainable self recognizes and embraces its interdependent relationship to life,” she says, explaining that when we get our energy from controlling external circumstances we’re bound to collapse eventually, but when we’re connected to our internal reserves, we can be much more effective. “By consistently doing things that replenish us and not doing things that needlessly deplete us,” Grauds writes, “we access and conduct the energy we need to make and sustain positive changes and function at peak levels.”

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To be a great leader, you need to start by leading yourself

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Most people go into top positions with good intentions, but those often crumble due to the demands — and perks — of the job. If you want to succeed, devote some time and energy to self-leadership, says consultant Lars Sudmann.

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Being a leader is a little like being a parent, says Lars Sudmann , a former corporate executive, in a TEDxUCLouvain Talk . Beforehand, we have all these rosy visions of how we’re going to do it, how incredible we’re going to be, and how we’ll sidestep the mistakes that we see other people make.

But when it’s our turn to assume the role, we find that reality doesn’t match our expectations or imaginations. Sudmann, for example, believed that he would ace his first leadership role. Then, he held his first major staff meeting, an employee asked a question about the company’s email signature, and the proceedings — and his command of them — completely fell apart.

After some months, Sudmann realized he was fighting against certain entrenched factors that keep all leaders from improving. Like many in the working world, leaders have too much to do and not enough time to do it; desperate to look effective, they race around like headless chickens and don’t clearly think through their priorities and strategies; and being in a position of power causes them to assume that the people beneath them will take care of a lot of problems.

Sudmann, now a management consultant in Belgium, found a potential solution to these “classic leadership problems” in Marcus Aurelius , the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher. Rather than spending his time trying to learn to rally and guide others, Marcus Aurelius focused a surprising amount of his energy on mastering self-leadership. Sudmann also came across an instructive quote from Dee Hock , the founder of the Visa credit card: “If you look to lead, invest at least 40 percent of your time managing yourself.”

Sudmann has found this orientation tremendously helpful — first, as a leader and, more recently, as someone who helps other leaders succeed. Below, he breaks down three actions that go into self-leadership.

Be aware of your shortcomings

Leaders need to know all of their biases, predilections and weaknesses. It’s crucial information for a boss to have, but it’s not always easy for them to receive such feedback from their colleagues and underlings. Even when they’re told they won’t face retribution or punishment for their comments, many people still find it difficult to offer genuine criticism.

Instead, try what Sudmann calls the “character traits check.” Think of someone you’ve worked with who — in your opinion or the opinion of trusted colleagues — was a bad leader or boss. What were the things they did that caused those negative judgements of them? Next, ask yourself: Do you share any of those behaviors? Then, says Sudmann, give yourself a score for 1 to 5 (1 being you don’t really share the behavior to 5 being you share it to the nth degree).

Perhaps you had a leader who kept important information away from her employees, which made it difficult for everyone below her to do their jobs. Or, maybe you had had a micromanager? A yeller? Someone who played favorites — and let everyone know it? You probably also experienced leaders whose actions were less dramatic or egregious but still detrimental. Maybe they were a vague communicator? Or they always told you they’d get back to you “later” but “later” somehow never arrived?

Don’t be surprised if some of their behaviors hit home with you. “What we find bad in others very often resonates with ourselves,” says Sudmann. After you identify your potential areas of improvement, make a plan for how you’ll work on them. Try to do a character traits check every month.

Engage in daily reflection

Every day, take 5- 10 minutes to think about the challenges you’ve recently handled and the ones you’ll soon face. While Marcus Aurelius was fond of reflecting in the evening, Sudmann likes doing this over morning coffee. Questions to pose include: “How did my leadership go yesterday? How would the leader I’d like to be have faced the challenges I faced? What about my challenges today? What could I do differently?” Write down your thoughts so you can refer back to them and learn from them.

Regulate your feelings

No matter how much preparation and reflection you put in, there will be employees, colleagues, clients and associates who anger, frustrate or annoy you. Sudmann candidly admits there will be “all these moments you face as a leader when you think, “Argh! Stop doing this!”

That’s where the practice of “reframing” comes in. When those teeth-grinding times occur, suggests Sudmann, “stop and ask yourself … on a scale from 1 to 10, how important is this issue right now?”

You should engage with 9s and 10s right away, but you’ll find that many things which shatter your calm will be of lesser importance. With anything that’s a 6 or lower, either excuse yourself physically (“I need to take a quick break; be right back”) or figuratively (“Let me take a minute to go over what you’ve said”). Then, give yourself a moment to think: “How would the leader I aspire to be handle this situation?” The answer will come to you.

Watch his TEDxUCLouvain talk now:

About the author

Daryl Chen is the Ideas Editor at TED.

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how to be a better human
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Student Essay: The Power of Stories to Inspire Strong Leaders

Google Classroom:

Maya S. is a Muslim, Egyptian and student athlete who has lived in Saudi Arabia for most of her life. She is 16 and a junior at the American International School of Riyadh, where she is enrolled in the International Baccalaureate program.

In this Student Essay of the Week, Maya talks about how building a platform for others to share their stories has helped her understand why welcoming diversity of thought and experience will make her a stronger, more empathetic leader.

Three steps forward and two steps back. That was my reality during the privilege walk.

In October 2018, I was selected along with 50 other high school students to attend a leadership trip to a farm outside Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. We believed that we were all going to learn about how to become leaders with strong voices. However, the trip took a completely unexpected and inspiring turn. Instead, we left knowing how to listen first and speak second.

At the farm, we participated in an activity called a privilege walk , where we were asked to step forward or backward in response to certain questions. From the responses, it became obvious that all of us were struggling with something that those around us knew nothing about.

I learned that the girl beside me once wondered where her next meal would come from. The girl beside her was afraid to leave the house at night because she had been assaulted. The boy to my left had been held at gunpoint. And the boy beside him had a mental disorder. This realization hit me hard. I was able to understand that although it’s impossible for us all to experience the same things, it is possible for us to try and listen to each other and understand each other’s differences. I began to appreciate the meaning of finding beauty in diversity. During that trip I learned that true leaders listen to the voices of others, and as a result they are able to enrich their own points of view.

“Living with anxiety is like feeling alive through the motions of life, but never freely living. It’s being aware of my surroundings, but lost in another world inside my head.”

During the summer of that year, someone I loved dearly was faced with medical issues, and my family began dealing with a lot of uncertainty. Even when it was all over, I felt lost and changed. I couldn’t explain it, but I wished that someone understood. I then began thinking of the people standing around me that day in Riyadh during the privilege walk, and everyone around the world like us. Did we all feel the same desire to be understood? How could we all feel seen and valued, regardless of our stories? I wanted to hear more about the stories of all those kids I met that day in line. I wanted to understand how we all ended up there, despite our different paths. I wanted to create something that would allow them to express their stories.

That summer, I started Voice of Change , a weblog that allows other teenagers to contribute writing that reflects the experiences that have shaped them. The first story I received was “Purpose,” from a girl struggling with depression. She wrote, “Purpose: a reason, a given, motivation , a point. We all live life because we have a purpose. We realize that there is a point, we have motivation and a reason to live. We look forward to things and create opportunities for ourselves. We see a future. Imagine living life feeling as though you have no purpose… That means no reason, no motivation, simply no point… the best way to describe this feeling is as if [you’re] dead. This feeling is depression.”

After I posted the article, which talked about how depression impacted the author’s life, I received comments, emails and texts from others saying that the article communicated what they needed to hear and couldn’t put into words. This initial response fueled the rest of my work. I began receiving other stories about challenging experiences, ranging from sexual assault and racial discrimination, to losing a loved one and struggling with body image. Here are a few powerful quotes from these articles:

“I’m not sure who or what I’m living for, but I’d never want to risk my family members feeling as I do right now. It’s okay that I’m suffering right now, because I have faith that it will pass, eventually it will.” – “Live On”

“I am not ignorant because I’m Arab. I’m not a terrorist because I’m Muslim. I am not a thug because I’m black. I am not who I am because of what you see on the news. I am who I am because of what I’ve been through, and what I have become.” – “Assume”

“Living with anxiety is like feeling alive through the motions of life, but never freely living. It’s being aware of my surroundings but lost in another world inside my head.” – “I Choose Life”

I see my Voice of Change journey as having so much to do with becoming a better leader. It has helped me to see clearly the type of leader I hope to become. I have developed a stronger perspective by understanding the voices and stories of others. I have become more empathetic to other people’s struggles, a quality I will need when I run my own business one day. You can’t understand your customers’ wants or your employees’ needs if you don’t listen and appreciate where they’re coming from. Also, Voice of Change has shown me how much our experiences shape us and contribute to how we see the world and solve problems. Each person offers a unique voice and a different perspective – all powerful and important in their own way.

Conversation Starters

What is empathy and why is it such an important leadership quality? How is empathy related to storytelling? Use the Related Links with this article if you need to better understand empathy.

How have your experiences shaped you? Share your story in the Comment section of this article.

Maya writes that she has come to appreciate “how much our experiences shape us and contribute to how we see the world and solve problems.” Diversity of thought is incredibly powerful in the business world. Why does it hold such value? How does it enrich the team dynamic and important outcomes?

6 comments on “ Student Essay: The Power of Stories to Inspire Strong Leaders ”

Hi Maya, Thank you for sharing your fantastic story with us. Being able to appreciate the people around you and, in first place, yourself is one of the major keys to success and, most importantly, happiness in life, at least according to my experience. We all come from different environments and experiences, the same ones which make us who we are, in our uniqueness and diversity, as you clearly and beautifully stated in your essay. Appreciation is one of those emotions, if that’s how we want to define it, I have learned to consider and embrace later in life, but it is surely the one all the rest comes down to: appreciation for life, appreciation for love from our beloved ones… Having dealt throughout life with friends who coped with depression and anxiety, I can say I have experienced the emotional upheaval that tends to follow this kind of acknowledgements. It gives you a completely different perspective on the world, on the people that surround you and on the way you look at your very own life. On the other hand, I’ve been lucky enough to feel the wonderful sense of relief and joy which comes after helping this people, which taught me the value of the word, indeed, appreciation. In the same way I’ve been able to help my dearest friends deal with these horrible feelings and find a way out of them, I find what you have done with this very same individuals awesome: not only giving them a voice through the blog, but giving their peers the chance to find sympathy and reassurance in their words. Keep it up! And take care.

Sonder – n. The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness (The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows).

I believe that sonder, a short and simple made-up word to describe a complex feeling, perfectly captures the spirit of Maya and her article. Maya realized the complexity of the lives of those around her, that every stranger on the leadership trip had their own unique story to tell, filled with their personal struggles. She reaches the conclusion that “each person offers a unique voice and a different perspective – all powerful and important in their own way.”

Sonder, and more broadly, empathy, is a crucial element of being a good leader. I had my own moment of sonder last summer when I had the opportunity to volunteer at my local Chinese senior center. I started volunteering there because I had to fill my school’s requirement for service hours but ended up gaining much more out of it than that. At first, I was wary of taking on the job because my Chinese conversational skills were acceptable at best and rudimentary at worst. However, I quickly found that the seniors were very welcoming and were just happy that someone was willing to sacrifice their time to help out. I performed tasks such as preparing and serving food as well as helped teach ESL and citizenship classes. I learned about the hard work ethic of the workers and volunteers around me while washing apples. I learned about the amiability and habits of the seniors in the lunchroom. There would always be those in the back table playing cards, the younger seniors chatting in the front, and the seasoned mahjong players upstairs. I even had the chance to hear some of their rich stories, stories of their journeys of emigrating from communist China, stories of their successful children, stories of their war experiences, and stories of their hope in America. I truly understood that these seniors, whom I would not have given a second glance on the street, lived such deep and meaningful lives, each of which would be a thrilling standalone novel.

Just like Maya learned to understand those from different backgrounds, I was able to empathize with these seniors and develop an appreciation for their experiences. We should all have empathy for each other in this world full of division and hatred. Sonder helps us have that empathy not only with those close to us but with everyone around us.

When I became the youngest Student Council President of my school, my idea of a strong leader was someone who could command and lead a group of people with total authority the way they like it. So, that’s what I tried to do during my early days as a leader. I thought I would be a strong leader by commanding the student council and demonstrating my full authority over the rest. But after the first month, like Maya, the experience of being a leader took a completely unexpected and inspiring turn. I learned, like Maya, that you have to listen first and speak second. It is by listening to others that makes you a stronger leader because it is easier to command and display your authority. But it is harder to swallow your pride and listen to others when their opinions or stories differ from yours.

Therefore, in the Student Council that I am in, I launched an initiative called “Listen Monday” with the purpose of listening to everyone’s opinions and views in the student council and utilizing them for the betterment of the school.

By understanding the voices of others it has helped me develop a better perspective. I have become more empathetic to others. Listening to others has allowed me to see the full picture that I have never seen. And because I see the bigger picture, I realized that other’s experiences can help shape how I see the world and solve problems. As Maya said, each person offers a unique voice and a different perspective, all-powerful and important in their own way.

I want to thank Maya for inspiring me.

I want to thank Maya for inspiring me to become a better leader.

Hello L Dau K!

Thank you for sharing your experience and lessons as a student council president. Listening to your implementation of listening Mondays has brought me back to a time when I was the storyteller, pouring my life out, not to a student council president, but to my mother.

Before the story begins, I must tell you about my mother. She is a very successful corporate leader of hundreds of people. Of course, when it comes to life, she’s never lost her footing when it comes to parenting. Her dogma for me was always the same as that for her employees. She required me to write a time schedule and reflect on life every day and report my academic progress to her with a PowerPoint presentation every week. Similar to your listening Mondays, but coerced. Of course, these rules also apply to her employees. I argued with her countless times, berating her for treating me, at the time, a 12-year-old, as her employee. Perhaps you have already begun to detest my mother’s parenting philosophy, or that she is just another derelict mother who neglects her children’s emotional needs to give her career 100%. But she was a mother for the first time, and I as her oldest child witnessed her growth and how she became a leader, both to her employees and to me.

Where should I begin my story with this leader? As I counted the episodes that flashed through my mind, neither the long conversation in the evening breeze nor the laughing conversation in the dark living room seemed like the most appropriate beginning of the story. Puzzled, I put down my thoughts and sat down to recall the beginning of our conversations. There’s no longer nameless fear and tension when she approaches me, dreading to hear what she has to say. Instead, I always walked up to her when I found her alone, and the dialogue always began with a sigh. I told her many stories about young love, friends, hobbies, and self-reflection, all parts of me that I was reluctant to reveal in PowerPoints. She is busy all day but never said no when I started a conversation. I could feel that she valued every part of our communication, regardless of how nonsensical it was, taking it wholeheartedly. She would sit down and listen to every word I had to say, and she would take to heart every hint of emotion I tried to convey. She did her best to understand my passions, cater to my needs, and embrace my sentiments. And that’s one of the most valuable lessons she’s taught me as a leader.

My mother’s growth as a leader came naturally to her as she listened to every ebullient story and every heart-wrenching sob. She did what many leaders, even in family relationships, fail to do: give the most attention to her children and subordinates, dwelling on their stories, bringing herself into their emotions, and living their experiences. Simply receiving a comment differentiates from understanding the root of their feedback. Through sharing stories with my mother, as my thoughts became words and leaped out of my mouth, my thoughts received a carrier. The stories I told were imparted with meaning through the process of communication. These words made me who I am and marked every footprint of mine. Not only giving her a chance to guide me but giving me a chance to recourse, bonding two unknown souls by building emotional bridges rather than giving ice-cold PowerPoint presentations. I myself am walking on those bridges, and I will be learning to build them up. Through open communication, we can build bridges high enough to see the world from a bigger view, see the tips of Mt. Everest, hear the mumbles of rhinoceros and vaquitas, and unveil a side of the world that we have never seen before.

In her essay “The Power of Stories to Inspire Strong Leaders”, Maya S. quotes “I was able to understand that although it’s impossible for us to all experience the same things, it is possible for us to try and listen to each other and understand each other’s differences. I began to appreciate the meaning of finding beauty in diversity. During that trip I learned that true leaders listen to the voices of others, and as a result they are able to enrich their own points of view.” This quote taught me that in order to be understood, one must learn to understand.

As an international student living in the states, my school days were certainly different from most of my classmates. There were a lot more plane rides, more hours of memorizing English vocabulary, and less people that paid attention to the struggles I went through. It was hard to focus on the upside of life when I knew that my comfort zone was about 6800 miles away. I felt like I was drowning in my own world, and was unsure of what I needed to do to get out of it.

As time passed, I did learn to embrace my new home. That started with a simple step: Learning about how people here lived. I added Kendrick Lamar and Olivia Rodrigo to my playlist, started to watch the NBA, and reached out for corrections when I didn’t recognize an English word. As I began to understand and appreciate what was around me, it was way easier to fit in. My struggles started to pay off as I received multiple honors and varsity MVP awards. Apart from Academics, I also became much more active in the social circle. I learned more about life here from my new friends, and also taught them some parts of life that I left behind back in Korea. After these changes, I could proudly say that I’m definitely leading my own life.

Maya’s story of the privilege walk reminded me of the change in my perspective before and after trying to understand American culture. At first I was hesitant in getting to know the new environment, but now I see the hidden value of entirely different customs, just like how Maya was able to understand the children with more depth. Furthermore, something Maya did that I greatly appreciate is that she didn’t just stop from enlightenment and took action to advocate for her beliefs. I believe that Maya’s propulsion of creating the “Voice of Change” weblog exemplifies what leaders do to promote their voice to the world. As a person aspiring to be a global leader and a businessman, I was greatly inspired by Maya’s quotes of insight and her action to spread her words.

Our world today is heavily interconnected, and the effects of collaborating across diverse backgrounds have never been more apparent. As I reflect on Maya’s quote and my own understanding, I am reminded that true leaders are distinguished by their ability to seek harmony in differences. My journey from a foreign student drowning in isolation to a confident participant in a global community underscores the transformative power of understanding others to be understood. Of course there are still customs that I cannot resonate with, like pineapple on pizza. But as I step forward into a world of connections and communications, I carry with me the invaluable lesson that true understanding is the cornerstone of meaningful process.

How to Achieve a Good Life? Essay

Introduction, a good life, moral virtues.

Life is a mode of existence and it reflects the experiences of living that characterize human beings whether they are good or bad. It is confounding to describe what a good life is, since it applies to both material life and moral life. For instance, having immense wealth and ability to enjoy every form of pleasure that ever existed on earth can mean that one is living a good life.

On the other hand, living in accordance with the social, religious, and personal morals and ethics means that one is also living a good life. The latter description of good life applies across the board since everybody has the ability to achieve it for everyone has the capacity to think and act morally. This essay explores what a good life is and describes plan of achieving it in terms of integrity, honesty, responsibility, and state obligation.

Living a good life morally means living in accordance with the ethics and morals of the society. A person living a good life expresses virtues such integrity, honesty, responsibility, and obligation to the rules of the state. Although human beings pursue material and intellectual gains as they struggle towards self-actualization, these gains cannot earn them the virtue of being good, but they will rather pass for hardworking individuals.

The rich people have wealth because of their hardworking character and they can access good things of life that bring happiness and pleasure, and live a good life materially; nevertheless, this does not make them good. A poor person can live a miserable life of poverty but with good moral life, while on the contrary, a rich person can live a good life of pleasure and happiness, but with bad moral life. Therefore, when “good” describes virtues, pleasure and happiness due to money cannot make life good.

Morals and ethics that individuals observe to express virtues in life cause them to lead a good life. Integrity and honesty are two virtues that enhance people’s lives and they are inseparable because one cannot have integrity without being honesty or vice versa. Educationally, integrity is a skill that demands learning and continued practice in order to internalize the virtue.

The development of integrity is a life-long process that needs patience and endurance since it is a skill. If likened to a building, honesty and truth are two central pillars that support integrity as a virtue throughout the life of an individual. To develop this virtue of integrity in life, one must always adhere to its two pillars, because integrity is not a discrete achievement but a continuous achievement that needs constant efforts to maintain it.

Responsibility is a powerful virtue which if exercised well by an individual, it does not only yield great benefits to the individual, but also to other people and the entire society. The golden rule demands that there must be reciprocal responsibility in the society to enable people live harmoniously.

Sense of responsibility in the society lessens the impacts of problems experienced because of collective response that lead to immediate solution. Becoming part of the solution in the society is being responsible and the excuse of blaming others would not arise. Since rights and responsibility relate to one another, it requires one to act within the limits of rights to become responsible. Therefore, the rights that govern social norms and regulations give one the degree of responsibility to struggle and attain good life for the benefit of all.

Citizens have a moral obligation to respect and advocate for the common interests of all people. For justice and peace to flourish in the society, citizens have great moral obligation to ensure they report criminal activities, help the poor, and conserve the environment. By doing this, they foster their states’ bid to build justice and a peace in society where virtues spring up, and thus a good life.

Like responsibility, adherence to the laws of the land will enable one to develop a sense of obligation to the state. It is a great obligation of the citizens to help the state fight vices in the society and the best way to do it is by becoming loyal to the laws and being active in enforcing them. The concerted efforts of the state and its citizens will improve the lives of the people resulting into a good life.

To achieve good life based on observance of moral principles demands strict observance and application of ethics in everything. Complete observance of ethics yields virtues that make life good in any community.

The goodness of a person cannot result from material wealth, but it emerges from the good moral qualities that one has achieved in life. Virtues like integrity, honesty, responsibility, and obligation to the state are attributes of an individual and have no material value attached to them. This means that, a good life does not mean wealthy living.

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IvyPanda. (2023, November 2). How to Achieve a Good Life? https://ivypanda.com/essays/life/

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IvyPanda . (2023) 'How to Achieve a Good Life'. 2 November.

IvyPanda . 2023. "How to Achieve a Good Life?" November 2, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/life/.

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IvyPanda . "How to Achieve a Good Life?" November 2, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/life/.

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How Psychology Can Improve Your Life

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

How can psychology apply to your everyday life? Do you think that psychology is just for students, academics, and therapists? Think again. Because psychology is both an applied and a theoretical subject, it can be used in a number of ways.

While research studies aren't exactly light reading material for the average person, the results of these experiments and studies can have significant applications in daily life. The following are some practical uses for psychology in everyday life.

Whether your goal is to quit smoking, lose weight, or learn a new language, lessons from psychology offer tips for getting motivated. To increase your motivational levels when approaching a task, use strategies derived from research in cognitive and educational psychology .

Introduce new or novel elements to keep your interest high.
Vary repetitive sequences to help stave off boredom.
Learn new things that build on your existing knowledge.
Set clear goals that are directly related to the task.
Reward yourself for a job well done.

It doesn’t matter if you’re an office manager or a volunteer at a local youth group: Having good leadership skills will probably be essential at some point in your life. Not everyone is a born leader, but a few simple tips gleaned from psychological research can help you be a better leader.

One of the most famous studies on this topic looked at three distinct leadership styles . Based on the findings of this study and subsequent research, practice some of the following when you are in a leadership position.

Offer clear guidance, but allow group members to voice opinions.
Talk about possible solutions with members of the group.
Focus on stimulating ideas and be willing to reward creativity.

Communication

Communication involves much more than how you speak or write. Research suggests that nonverbal signals make up a huge portion of our interpersonal communications. To communicate your message effectively, you need to learn how to express yourself nonverbally and to read the nonverbal cues of those around you.

Use good eye contact.
Start noticing nonverbal signals in others.
Learn to use your tone of voice to reinforce your message.

Emotional Intelligence

Much like nonverbal communication, the ability to understand your emotions and the emotions of those around you plays an important role in your relationships and professional life. The term emotional intelligence refers to your ability to understand both your own emotions and those of other people.

Your emotional intelligence quotient is a measure of this ability. According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, your EQ may actually be more important than your IQ. To become more emotionally intelligent, consider some of the following strategies.

Carefully assess your own emotional reactions.
Record your experiences and emotions in a journal.
Try to see situations from the perspective of another person.

Decision-Making

Research in cognitive psychology has provided a wealth of information about decision making. By applying these strategies to your life, you can learn to make wiser choices. The next time you need to make a big decision, try using some of these techniques.

Use the “six thinking hats” approach by looking at the situation from multiple points of view, including rational, emotional, intuitive, creative, positive, and negative perspectives.
Consider the potential costs and benefits of a decision.
Employ a grid analysis technique that gives a score for how a particular decision will satisfy specific requirements you may have.

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Have you ever wondered why you can remember the exact details of childhood events, yet forget the name of the new client you met yesterday? Research on how we form new memories as well as how and why we forget has led to a number of findings that can be applied directly in your daily life. To increase your memory power:

Focus on the information.
Rehearse what you have learned.
Eliminate distractions.

Money Management

Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleague Amos Tversky conducted a series of studies that looked at how people manage uncertainty and risk when making decisions. Subsequent research in this area, known as behavior economics, has yielded some key findings that you can use to manage your money more wisely.

One study found that workers could more than triple their savings by using some of the following strategies.

Don’t procrastinate. Start investing in savings now.
Commit in advance to devote portions of your future earnings to your retirement savings.
Try to be aware of personal biases that may lead to poor money choices.

Academic Success

The next time you're tempted to complain about pop quizzes, midterms, or final exams, consider that research has demonstrated that taking tests actually helps you better remember what you've learned, even if it wasn't covered on the test.

A study found that repeated test-taking may be a better memory aid than studying. Students who were tested repeatedly were able to recall 61% of the material, while those in the study group recalled only 40%. How can you apply these findings to your own life? When trying to learn new information, self-test frequently in order to cement what you have learned into your memory.

Productivity

There are thousands of books and magazine articles telling us how to get more done, but how much of this advice is founded on actual research? Take the belief that multitasking can help you be more productive. In reality, research has found that trying to perform more than one task at a time seriously impairs speed, accuracy, and productivity. Use lessons from psychology to increase your productivity more effectively.

Avoid multitasking when working on complex or dangerous tasks.
Focus on the task at hand.

Psychology can also be a useful tool for improving your overall health. From ways to encourage exercise and better nutrition to new treatments for depression, the field of health psychology offers a wealth of beneficial strategies that can help you to be healthier and happier.

Studies have shown that both sunlight and artificial light can reduce the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder.
Research has demonstrated that exercise can contribute to greater psychological well-being.
Studies have found that helping people understand the risks of unhealthy behaviors can lead to healthier choices.

Thaler RH, Benartzi S. Save More Tomorrow™: Using behavioral economics to increase employee saving . J Political Econ . 2004;112(S1):S164-187. doi:10.1086/380085

Chan JC, McDermott KB, Roediger HL. Retrieval-induced facilitation: initially nontested material can benefit from prior testing of related material . J Exp Psychol Gen . 2006;135(4):553-71. doi:10.1037/0096-3445.135.4.553

Ophir E, Nass C, Wagner AD. Cognitive control in media multitaskers . Proc Natl Acad Sci USA . 2009;106(37):15583-7. doi:10.1073/pnas.0903620106

Solberg PA, Halvari H, Ommundsen Y, Hopkins WG. A 1-year follow-up of effects of exercise programs on well-being in older adults . J Aging Phys Act . 2014;22(1):52-64. doi:10.1123/japa.2012-0181

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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The importance of self-leadership, and how it makes you a great leader.

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The Importance of Self-Leadership, and How It Makes You A Great Leader

A common trend in corporate America is to promote great individual contributors to leadership positions. However, these individuals need more training to be great leaders. Even with traditional leadership training, self-leadership is often ignored, explaining why most leaders struggle to succeed.

Honing self-leadership skills lets individuals see their teams more holistically. It helps them use a coaching leadership style and set boundaries effectively. It also helps them see their teams as well-rounded people, not worker bees. And even if these skills aren’t innate, you can still learn them. But first, let’s define self-leadership.

What is Self-Leadership?

Leading oneself is critical to personal and professional success, especially in today’s fast-paced world. Self-leadership influences and directs one’s thoughts, behaviors, and actions to achieve desired goals. Great leadership is built upon this foundation.

Self-leadership is about taking ownership of your life and consciously shaping your journey. Success lies in you. You must build the mindset, skills, and discipline to unlock your potential.

Think about the inspiring leaders you know in business, politics, or your personal life. What sets them apart is their unchanging ability to motivate and guide themselves. They can do this even when faced with adversity. These leaders are masters at managing themselves, which is the greatest skill. Because of that, they can make informed choices. They stay strong in hard times and work steadily towards their goals.

When you step into a leadership role, you must realize that the first thing is to lead yourself. You must be aware that the journey ahead may not be easy. It can be riddled with hurdles and setbacks. When these setbacks emerge, seeing them as a setup for a comeback makes you a great leader.

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Great leaders don’t buckle under pressure. People look up to them, and they must rise to the occasion. They step forward with innovative solutions to navigate obstacles. But that doesn’t mean they know it all. As a leader, it helps to lean on outside influences. These include friends, colleagues, coaches, and trustworthy mentors. You don’t have to make every decision on your own. Seek knowledge and education. Surround yourself with quality people. They will readily support you when times are tough.

The Power of Self-Directed Thinking

Self-leadership's core is managing your thoughts and internal dialogue. How you talk to yourself daily greatly affects your beliefs, emotions, and actions. Your mind is wired to react to events in your life, so your inner monologue directly affects your actions.

Imagine you face a big challenge. Your inner voice is full of doubt. It criticizes your abilities and warns of potential failure. Now imagine that you instead approach the same challenge with self-belief. You know the risks but focus on the opportunities for growth and success.

The difference in outcomes between those two mindsets can be staggering. Research conducted by Oxford University has shown that positive self-talk reduces stress and depression. It also boosts physical and mental health and even lengthens life. Changing your internal monologue from negative to positive or even neutral builds motivation, resilience, and courage, key ingredients for self-leadership.

The Importance of Self-Leadership When It Comes to Being a Great Leader

There's only one way to see self-leadership. It's the prerequisite for leading others well. After all, you can’t lead others unless you first lead yourself.

Self-leadership is not about controlling people or bossing them around. It's about intentionally taking charge of and creating your desired life. It’s about setting goals for yourself and influencing your emotions and behavior to reach them. It’s about leading by example. When leaders with great self-leadership are the decision-makers, engagement and collaboration numbers soar, and productivity and employee loyalty improve. Because, we all know, people don’t quit jobs; they quit bosses.

Benefits of Self-Leadership to You and Your Organization

Leading oneself may seem personal. However, the benefits of strong self-leadership skills go far beyond one person. Self-awareness, discipline, and intention are key to your career growth and the whole organization's success.

Employers increasingly seek out candidates who have mastered self-leadership. They recognize that these skills make teams more efficient, productive, and inspired.

For starters, self-leadership makes you a more efficient, productive worker. You can prioritize tasks. You limit distractions and stay laser-focused on your goals. In the end, it benefits you and contributes to your team's overall output and performance. Senior leaders can count on you to get the job done right without constant supervision.

In addition, self-leadership helps you stay motivated. It also helps you stay accountable, even when facing challenges. You’ve developed the mental toughness and grit to push through obstacles. Learn from setbacks, and continue striving towards your goals. This unwavering drive is infectious, inspiring those around you to up their game.

Your proactive, disciplined approach helps you build relationships. This, in turn, helps you get along with your colleagues. They see you as reliable and competent. You're a team player. They can count on you to contribute and pull your weight. This camaraderie and mutual respect are the bedrock of high-performing, cohesive organizations.

In the end, the best leaders have first mastered leading themselves. By being self-aware and making your own decisions, you become accountable for your actions. You motivate yourself to push forward and build your self-regulation and communication skills. This way, you achieve both your development goals and your organization’s goals. And that’s the true power of self-leadership.

Becoming Your Own Leader: The Path to Fulfilment

One of the key benefits of self-leadership is the sense of agency and control it offers. Guiding your actions brings purpose and fulfillment. It allows you to take complete ownership of your life to make choices that truly match your strengths and aspirations. By mastering self-leadership, you become the author of your own story. You stop being a passive character controlled by external forces.

With improved self-leadership, your team leadership skills improve as you start seeing your employees through the lens of increased emotional intelligence. You’re more equipped to set boundaries, communicate expectations, and leverage team strengths through increased awareness of self and team.

Communicating with executive stakeholders and leadership becomes more productive as your self-awareness, communication, and decision-making skills improve through self-leadership development.

A “bad day” occurs less frequently when you lead yourself first, as you have equipped yourself with the skills to manage your experiences. Emotional intelligence guides how you react to situations. Setting boundaries ensures respect and collaboration. Communication minimizes doubts and unifies the team.

Self-leadership doesn’t mean perfection; it’s accepting that when you make mistakes, you recognize them as learning opportunities to reach your goals rather than letting them define you. You’ll become a transformed person and an even better leader by cultivating the right mindset and skills.

Leadership starts with self. A leader’s struggles, personality, and life aren’t checked at their office door when they clock in. Learning to lead oneself is critical to being a great leader for other people and organizations. Mastering this skill is a continuous process as you learn and grow, and it is well worth the effort for your teams, companies, and yourself.

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How Embracing Uncertainty Can Lead to a Better Life

Befriending the unknown..

Posted December 16, 2023 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

What Is Anxiety?
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Anxiety in the face of uncertainty is normal.
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I remember sitting on a grassy hill during my first semester of senior year in college. It felt strange, literally not knowing where I would be in six months. With applications sent to several graduate schools as well as a sinking fear I may not be granted admission to any, I felt intense worry. I gripped a book a mentor recommended, "Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion." Facing the unknown without fear. Something I aspired to.

Uncertainty is perhaps the most ubiquitous experience we have in life. We are blind to the roadmap that time takes, and very few things are guaranteed to us. Finding a way to master this puzzle can make a significant impact on our happiness .

There are two primary ways to meet uncertainty; to approach or avoid. When we approach, we allow curiosity and acceptance to guide us. We explore with values in mind. When we avoid, we stick to what we know. We hide or run to a space of security. Neither is right or wrong, it just is.

Strategies for Coping with Uncertainty

While I may have hoped for some magical certainty hidden within the book I held in my hands my senior year, what I received proved even better: a strategy for coping with uncertainty. It wasn't an easy one. I didn't learn how to chase my anxiety away or wave my hands in such a pattern that the world would bend to my will. Instead, I learned about acceptance and mindfulness .

Mindfulness is a practice of embracing uncertainty through facing what is certain in each given moment: allowing us to be here, now. It's a buzzword these days for a series of skills that can take a lifetime to fully cultivate. Sitting on the grassy hill, reading the parables I learned about mindfulness. Placing the book down to breathe in the crisp fall air, I worked toward it.

Psychotherapies that integrate mindfulness such as dialectical behavioral therapy encourage strategies such as radical acceptance (Linehan, 2015), and the skill of being open to what is including what we like or dislike. This does not mean an acceptance that something will never change. We have to accept something to change it. Rather, it is a strategy of allowing. Acceptance commitment therapy and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy take very similar methods in showing up to uncertainty.

These are three strategies you can try to assist with embracing the uncertainty.

1. Just Breathe

Our breath is constantly in the present. A focus on the breath reminds us that all we have to truly worry about is right this moment. Reminders to breathe can come across as silly or excessive. Yet, essential. Cultivating an ability to breathe into the moment is necessary to even allow ourselves to embrace uncertainty.

2. Listen and Watch with Curiosity

Openness and curiosity about what is, whether or not it is what we hope it to be are important components of mindfulness. We have to allow ourselves to feel the reality around us to approach it.

3. Move Forward With Our Values

In most cases, embracing uncertainty is a means of approaching it with open eyes. We approach the unknown whether we wish to or not. Still, moving toward something intentionally with our values in mind and realizing that what we hope for may or may not happen allows us to cope with whatever does happen effectively.

These strategies appear deceptively simple. Still, I've found these invaluable. I am thankful for the time I took to read that book.

Chrodran, P. (2018). Comfortable witih Uncertainty: Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion. Shambhala .

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Jennifer Gerlach, LCSW, is a psychotherapist based in Southern Illinois who specializes in psychosis, mood disorders, and young adult mental health.

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Why being humble can make you a better leader

Lecturer in Organisational Behaviour, University of Sussex Business School, University of Sussex

Associate Professor of Organizational Leadership, University of Colorado Boulder

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The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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When we consider how leaders get to the top, we might think of somebody like Jordan Belfort, the millionaire stock broker portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in the Wolf of Wall Street. And humility is probably not the word that comes to mind.

However, Belfort’s rise was followed by a fall (he ended up in jail). For those who want to reach the top and stay there, it may be best to stay humble.

Humble leaders express their humility in three dimensions. They view themselves accurately and acknowledge their limitations. They show appreciation for their followers’ contributions. They are also open to ideas and feedback. When leaders show all three attributes, they are considered to be humble.

So how can humility help those who want to reach the top? We studied how humble leaders can become more promotable and found that they accomplish that by growing others in what is known as a “humility route”.

Human capital theory suggests that employees’ value can be enhanced by investing in their knowledge, skills and abilities. It’s not only important for employees, it also creates value for organisations .

Using human capital theory, our research shows that humble leaders focus on the learning and growth of their followers. By doing so, they also create human capital value for themselves in the process.

Humble leaders tend to engage in more informal mentoring , and through that they gain influence and power in terms of promotability. They provide career guidance to their proteges and help them to prosper.

But at the same time, their engagement in learning also boosts their own human capital. In such a developmental relationship, humble leaders gain respect , prestige and prominence , and they gather a group of followers with high human capital.

This enhances their status in the organisation. It’s a win-win for leaders, their followers and the organisations they work for.

Our study used survey data from a sample of 610 leaders who worked in 18 industries and across 21 job functions. The leaders’ direct followers, peers, immediate bosses and superiors reported back on the leaders.

The measures in the survey included the leader’s humility, informal mentoring, status and promotability. We found that humble leaders earn higher status and enhanced promotability through engaging in mentoring behaviours.

So if you want to be more promotable, it may pay to stay humble.

A more sustainable path to the top

But why are some leaders so arrogant if there is a “humility route” to success? A great deal of evidence shows that humble leaders outperform arrogant leaders . And yet, many leaders at every level have a hard time admitting mistakes, praising followers’ strengths and being teachable.

The arrogant, narcissistic, bullying and dominating Wolf of Wall Street stereotype may be the most common and immediate route to the top . After all, this sort of behaviour can lead to quick wins which are are easily noticed and glamorised, reinforcing the stereotype in popular culture and media.

But while this path can offer short-term gains, it often lacks stability. Even the famed Renaissance Italian political theorist Niccolo Machiavelli – a well-known figure of dominance strategy – ended up being tortured, imprisoned and then exiled.

In contrast, humility offers a more stable and less visible route to success . Humble leaders typically achieve their status through fostering growth in others, engaging in mentoring, and creating a network of highly capable, loyal and enthusiastic followers.

This network in turn provides the humble leader with high status, leading to them being viewed favourably by superiors. But such an approach may not grab attention or fit the dramatic narratives preferred by media, making it less visible to the public.

The key difference lies in the nature of success each approach brings. Dominance may lead to a rapid ascent but is often accompanied by volatility.

Humility, on the other hand, cultivates a foundation of strong relationships and a positive reputation, leading to a more stable and enduring success. This explains why the Wolf of Wall Street stereotype persists, despite the proven benefits of humility in achieving long-term leadership success.

How to foster humility

Expressing humility helps leaders earn career success as they increase human capital, which is vital to organisations. In recent years there has been a growing interest in humility in the workplace, particularly among leaders. It’s time to re-evaluate perceptions about the value of humility in leadership.

You can show more humility as you lead. You can evaluate your own limitations and be sensitive to them. You can try to admit them by saying, “This is something I could do better.”

You can also put your focus on the followers, acknowledge what they have done well and give them positive feedback. You can also be more open to feedback yourself and consider your followers’ ideas more.

There are a few ways that organisations can cultivate humility. They can build the perception that expressing humility is valued. They can also organise training programmes that develop humility in leaders and consider including humility as part of performance evaluations.

And lastly, they can encourage feedback on humble behaviours, promote informal mentoring and foster a culture of humility that centres on learning . That way, they can develop groups of employees who focus on the “humility route” to career success.

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3 Life Lessons That Helped Me Become a Better Leader

I like to think that I was born to be a leader, but looking back on my past, I’m afraid that’s just not the case. There was a time when I was unable to step up to the plate. It took a couple of kicks in the pants, but through it, I learned valuable lessons that have continued to help me become a better leader and a more successful person.

It may have taken a while for me to accept the fact that I was not in complete control of my life, but once I grasped that, I saw that I actually had more control over it than I had first believed. I knew this: I was a capable leader who had experienced a lot of ups and downs, and I was eager to share my ideas and to help other people rise up, too.

I want to stress this: It is important that you teach yourself how to see the events in your life as lessons , not simply as blessings or curses. Everything—every success, every failure—has its purpose whether you can see it immediately or not. Some of the best lessons I’ve ever learned came long after an event took place, and had I not been willing and able to recognize them, I might not know my success today as co-founder of Wild Creations .

Here are three of the most priceless:

1. Everyone makes mistakes .

I used to be afraid of my inability to be perfect. But I became more comfortable in my own skin knowing mistakes are normal—necessary. This realization, that I didn’t have to be flawless, made it a lot easier for me to step up into a leadership role. I was also able to value those who served under me, seeing their mistakes as mirrors of my own.

My perspective flipped. Instead of instantly feeling defeated and shutting down, I repeatedly restructured my approach until I got it right. Eventually I was able to channel my respect for imperfection into a self-perpetuating system of groundbreaking trial, acceptable error and noticeable optimization.

2. To keep a level head is a virtue.

There were plenty of times when I was more than ready to throw in the towel. After all, being a leader is a big responsibility and setbacks can be extremely frustrating—and, at first, I wasn’t able to accept defeat. I got frustrated instead, losing my cool at the first sign of failure.

But, after a few spills, I learned to keep in mind that there really is a solution to everything and that every event, good or bad, has a beneficial lesson attached. So, knowing these things, I was able to re-collect my thoughts, find the underlying issues causing the problems and nip them in the bud. Eventually my irritation and angst subsided, and I gained more confidence in my leadership capabilities with every solved problem.

3. Time and humility are co-founders of success.

As much as I wanted it to, my success did not happen overnight. It took hard work, patience, determination and vision—and it took a long time. I was a follower for longer than I was a leader, but I used that time wisely to gobble up as many lessons as I could.

And I know now that being a leader sometimes means taking the backseat. In fact, some of my best discoveries have been made by allowing someone else to take the reins.

I can now say, with confidence, that leadership is my calling. I know how to read people because I have been through hard times myself. I am able to stay calm in a crisis because I have learned how to sort out the details and fix the problem from the ground up. Moreover, I have humbled myself to the fact that I cannot make miracles happen instantly, and that I will have more success as a leader if I never act like a horrible boss.

Why am I sharing these life lessons with you? Because that’s what a good leader does.

You can be a leader without the title — start by following these 10 tips.

Rhett Power

Rhett Power is the author of The Entrepreneur’s Book of Actions: Essential Daily Exercises and Habits for Becoming Wealthier, Smarter, and More Successful and co-founder of Wild Creations, an award-winning start-up toy company. Learn more at rhettpower.com .

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6 Common Leadership Styles — and How to Decide Which to Use When

Rebecca Knight

Being a great leader means recognizing that different circumstances call for different approaches.

Research suggests that the most effective leaders adapt their style to different circumstances — be it a change in setting, a shift in organizational dynamics, or a turn in the business cycle. But what if you feel like you’re not equipped to take on a new and different leadership style — let alone more than one? In this article, the author outlines the six leadership styles Daniel Goleman first introduced in his 2000 HBR article, “Leadership That Gets Results,” and explains when to use each one. The good news is that personality is not destiny. Even if you’re naturally introverted or you tend to be driven by data and analysis rather than emotion, you can still learn how to adapt different leadership styles to organize, motivate, and direct your team.

Much has been written about common leadership styles and how to identify the right style for you, whether it’s transactional or transformational, bureaucratic or laissez-faire. But according to Daniel Goleman, a psychologist best known for his work on emotional intelligence, “Being a great leader means recognizing that different circumstances may call for different approaches.”

RK Rebecca Knight is a journalist who writes about all things related to the changing nature of careers and the workplace. Her essays and reported stories have been featured in The Boston Globe, Business Insider, The New York Times, BBC, and The Christian Science Monitor. She was shortlisted as a Reuters Institute Fellow at Oxford University in 2023. Earlier in her career, she spent a decade as an editor and reporter at the Financial Times in New York, London, and Boston.

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How does work-life balance fit into a happy life, work and leisure both contribute to well-being—but there's another important source of happiness, too..

Finding the right work-life balance is by no means a new issue in our society. But the tension between the two has been heightened by the pandemic, with workers increasingly dwelling over the nature of their work , its meaning and purpose , and how these affect their quality of life .

Studies suggest people are leaving or planning to leave their employers in record numbers in 2021—a “ great resignation ” that appears to have been precipitated by these reflections. But if we’re all reconsidering where and how work slots into our lives, what should we be aiming at?

It’s easy to believe that if only we didn’t need to work, or we could work far fewer hours, we’d be happier, living a life of hedonic experiences in all their healthy and unhealthy forms. But this fails to explain why some retirees pick up freelance jobs and some lottery winners go straight back to work.

Striking the perfect work-life balance, if there is such a thing, isn’t necessarily about tinkering with when, where, and how we work—it’s a question of why we work. And that means understanding sources of happiness that might not be so obvious to us, but which have crept into view over the course of the pandemic.

Attempts to find a better work-life balance are well merited. Work is consistently and positively related to our well-being and constitutes a large part of our identity . Ask yourself who you are, and very soon you’ll resort to describing what you do for work.

Our jobs can provide us with a sense of competence, which contributes to well-being. Researchers have demonstrated not only that labor leads to validation but that, when these feelings are threatened, we’re particularly drawn to activities that require effort—often some form of work—because these demonstrate our ability to shape our environment, confirming our identities as competent individuals.

Work even seems to makes us happier in circumstances when we’d rather opt for leisure. This was demonstrated by a series of clever experiments in which participants had the option to be idle (waiting in a room for 15 minutes for an experiment to start) or to be busy (walking for 15 minutes to another venue to participate in an experiment). Very few participants chose to be busy, unless they were forced to make the walk, or given a reason to (being told there was chocolate at the other venue).

Yet the researchers found that those who’d spent 15 minutes walking ended up significantly happier than those who’d spent 15 minutes waiting—no matter whether they’d had a choice or a chocolate or neither. In other words, busyness contributes to happiness even when you think you’d prefer to be idle. Animals seem to get this instinctively: In experiments, most would rather work for food than get it for free.

Eudaimonic happiness

The idea that work, or putting effort into tasks, contributes to our general well-being is closely related to the psychological concept of eudaimonic happiness . This is the sort of happiness that we derive from optimal functioning and realizing our potential. Research has shown that work and effort are central to eudaimonic happiness, explaining that satisfaction and pride you feel on completing a grueling task.

On the other side of the work-life balance stands hedonic happiness, which is defined as the presence of positive feelings such as cheerfulness and the relative scarcity of negative feelings such as sadness or anger. We know that hedonic happiness offers empirical mental and physical health benefits , and that leisure is a great way to pursue hedonic happiness.

But even in the realm of leisure, our unconscious orientation toward busyness lurks in the background. A recent study has suggested that there really is such a thing as too much free time—and that our subjective well-being actually begins to drop if we have more than five hours of it in a day. Whiling away effortless days on the beach doesn’t seem to be the key to long-term happiness.

This might explain why some people prefer to expend significant effort during their leisure time. Researchers have likened this to compiling an experiential CV , sampling unique but potentially unpleasant or even painful experiences—at the extremes, this might be spending a night in an ice hotel, or joining an endurance desert race. People who take part in these forms of “leisure” typically talk about fulfilling personal goals, making progress, and accumulating accomplishments—all features of eudaimonic happiness, not the hedonism we associate with leisure.

The real balance

This orientation sits well with a new concept in the field of well-being studies: that a rich and diverse experiential happiness is the third component of a “good life,” in addition to hedonic and eudaimonic happiness.

Across nine countries and tens of thousands of participants, researchers recently found that most people (over 50% in each country) would still prefer a happy life typified by hedonic happiness. But around a quarter prefer a meaningful life embodied by eudaimonic happiness, and a small but nevertheless significant amount of people (about 10-15% in each country) choose to pursue a rich and diverse experiential life.

Given these different approaches to life, perhaps the key to long-lasting well-being is to consider which lifestyle suits you best: hedonic, eudaimonic, or experiential. Rather than pitching work against life, the real balance to strike post-pandemic is between these three sources of happiness.

This article was originally published on The Conversation . Read the original article .

About the Author

Lis Ku, Ph.D., is an experimental social psychologist who is interested in the impact of socially grounded values such as materialism on various types of behavior that have important implications for both individual and societal well-being. Using laboratory and field methods, her work focuses primarily on testing the application of values and motivational processes to domains such as education, work, health, and prosociality.

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Essays About Life: Top 5 Examples Plus 7 Prompts

Life envelops various meanings; if you are writing essays about life, discover our comprehensive guide with examples and prompts to help you with your essay.

What is life? You can ask anyone; I assure you, no two people will have the same answer. How we define life relies on our beliefs and priorities. One can say that life is the capacity for growth or the time between birth and death. Others can share that life is the constant pursuit of purpose and fulfillment. Life is a broad topic that inspires scholars, poets, and many others. It stimulates discussions that encourage diverse perspectives and interpretations.

5 Essay Examples

1. essay on life by anonymous on toppr.com, 2. the theme of life, existence and consciousness by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 3. compassion can save life by anonymous on papersowl.com, 4. a life of consumption vs. a life of self-realization by anonymous on ivypanda.com, 5. you only live once: a motto for life by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 1. what is the true meaning of life, 2. my life purpose, 3. what makes life special, 4. how to appreciate life, 5. books about life, 6. how to live a healthy life, 7. my idea of a perfect life.

“…quality of Life carries huge importance. Above all, the ultimate purpose should be to live a meaningful life. A meaningful life is one which allows us to connect with our deeper self.”

The author defines life as something that differentiates man from inorganic matter. It’s an aspect that processes and examines a person’s actions that develop through growth. For some, life is a pain because of failures and struggles, but it’s temporary. For the writer, life’s challenges help us move forward, be strong, and live to the fullest. You can also check out these essays about utopia .

“… Kafka defines the dangers of depending on art for life. The hunger artist expresses his dissatisfaction with the world by using himself and not an external canvas to create his artwork, forcing a lack of separation between the artist and his art. Therefore, instead of the art depending on the audience, the artist depends on the audience, meaning when the audience’s appreciation for work dwindles, their appreciation for the artist diminishes as well, leading to the hunger artist’s death.”

The essay talks about “ A Hunger Artist ” by Franz Kafka, who describes his views on life through art. The author analyzes Kafka’s fictional main character and his anxieties and frustrations about life and the world. This perception shows how much he suffered as an artist and how unhappy he was. Through the essay, the writer effectively explains Kafka’s conclusion that artists’ survival should not depend on their art.

“Compassion is that feeling that we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives. When we know that there is someone that really cares for us. Compassion comes from that moment when we can see the world through another person’s eyes.”

The author is a nurse who believes that to be professional, they need to be compassionate and treat their patients with respect, empathy, and dignity. One can show compassion through small actions such as talking and listening to patients’ grievances. In conclusion, compassion can save a person’s life by accepting everyone regardless of race, gender, etc.

“… A life of self-realization is more preferable and beneficial in comparison with a life on consumption. At the same time, this statement may be objected as person’s consumption leads to his or her happiness.”

The author examines Jon Elster’s theory to find out what makes a person happy and what people should think and feel about their material belongings. The essay mentions a list of common activities that make us feel happy and satisfied, such as buying new things. The writer explains that Elster’s statement about the prevalence of self-realization in consumption will always trigger intense debate.

“Appreciate the moment you’ve been given and appreciate the people you’ve been given to spend it with, because no matter how beautiful or tragic a moment is, it always ends. So hold on a little tighter, smile a little bigger, cry a little harder, laugh a little louder, forgive a little quicker, and love a whole lot deeper because these are the moments you will remember when you’re old and wishing you could rewind time.”

This essay explains that some things and events only happen once in a person’s life. The author encourages teenagers to enjoy the little things in their life and do what they love as much as they can. When they turn into adults, they will no longer have the luxury to do whatever they want.

The author suggests doing something meaningful as a stress reliever, trusting people, refusing to give up on the things that make you happy, and dying with beautiful memories. For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

7 Prompts for Essays About Life

Essays About Life: What is the true meaning of life?

Life encompasses many values and depends on one’s perception. For most, life is about reaching achievements to make themselves feel alive. Use this prompt to compile different meanings of life and provide a background on why a person defines life as they do.

Take Joseph Campbell’s, “Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning, and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer,” for example. This quote pertains to his belief that an individual is responsible for giving life meaning.

For this prompt, share with your readers your current purpose in life. It can be as simple as helping your siblings graduate or something grand, such as changing a national law to make a better world. You can ask others about their life purpose to include in your essay and give your opinion on why your answers are different or similar.

Life is a fascinating subject, as each person has a unique concept. How someone lives depends on many factors, such as opportunities, upbringing, and philosophies. All of these elements affect what we consider “special.”

Share what you think makes life special. For instance, talk about your relationships, such as your close-knit family or best friends. Write about the times when you thought life was worth living. You might also be interested in these essays about yourself .

Life in itself is a gift. However, most of us follow a routine of “wake up, work (or study), sleep, repeat.” Our constant need to survive makes us take things for granted. When we endlessly repeat a routine, life becomes mundane. For this prompt, offer tips on how to avoid a monotonous life, such as keeping a gratitude journal or traveling.

Many literary pieces use life as their subject. If you have a favorite book about life, recommend it to your readers by summarizing the content and sharing how the book influenced your outlook on life. You can suggest more than one book and explain why everyone should read them.

For example, Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist” reminds its readers to live in the moment and never fear failure.

Essays About Life: How to live a healthy life?

To be healthy doesn’t only pertain to our physical condition. It also refers to our mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being. To live a happy and full life, individuals must strive to be healthy in all areas. For this prompt, list ways to achieve a healthy life. Section your essay and present activities to improve health, such as eating healthy foods, talking with friends, etc.

No one has a perfect life, but describe what it’ll be like if you do. Start with the material things, such as your house, clothes, etc. Then, move to how you connect with others. In your conclusion, answer whether you’re willing to exchange your current life for the “perfect life” you described and why. See our essay writing tips to learn more!

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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How Taking Risks Can Lead You to a Better Life

Taking risks doesn’t mean succeeding every time, and that’s ok taking risks can lead to failure which in turn can help you grow as a person..

(zhukovvvlad / Shutterstock.com)

Many of life’s greatest achievements require going outside of your comfort zone. Whether it means overcoming shyness to perform onstage, investing money to help your business grow, or putting yourself out there for the chance to find love, some of life’s most rewarding experiences come as a result of taking risks. However, many of us have a difficult time dealing with the uncertainty that goes along with taking risks. A feeling of unease grows out of not knowing the outcome and the fear of potential failure. What if I embarrass myself in front of everyone? What if I lose all the money that I invested? What if I open my heart and get rejected? What if I’m not good enough? Answer that with another “what if”: what if the point of taking risks isn’t the outcome, but the process in and of itself. Through taking risks, we must confront our own fears, and sometimes that leads to failure… But what if that wasn’t such a bad thing after all?

The Key to Succeed? Learn to Fail

“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” — Stephen McCranie Many may have a negative view of failure, but actually, it can provide an essential tool for building character. Failure makes us stronger and more resilient. People who fail repeatedly develop persistence in the face of difficulties. Look at the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, who lost eight elections, failed twice in business, and suffered a nervous breakdown all before becoming one of the greatest American presidents. Through failure, he developed the persistence necessary to later lead his country through one of its hardest periods in history. Perhaps he never could have done so without experiencing so many failures himself. What does that tell us? Taking risks doesn’t mean succeeding every time, and that’s ok! The process of taking risks may lead to failure, but even that can make us a better person by increasing the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.

(kenary820 / Shutterstock.com)

The One Thing Risk-Takers Have in Common? Overconfidence

Failure might turn us into better people, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to take risks. It turns out that building confidence can help in overcoming the fear of risk-taking. Entrepreneurs must go up against tremendous odds to build a successful business. That means taking big risks without knowing the outcome. What makes them do this? Confidence, and a lot of it. In a study , Ohio State University management professor Jay Barney, Ph.D., and Lowell Busenitz, Ph.D., of the University of Houston, asked 124 successful entrepreneurs and 95 top managers to answer a round of questions and rate how sure they felt about their responses. While both groups demonstrated confidence, the results proved that the entrepreneurs had an exceptionally high level of confidence.

(oneinchpunch / Shutterstock.com)

Learn to Overcome Your Fears

Luckily, confidence is a learnable skill. Erika Casriel describes in her book , Living Fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety, "The reality is that most socially confident people deliberately learn specific skills." That means, through practice, we can develop better confidence, equipping us with the right skills to take risks. Even someone as seemingly outgoing as comedian Will Ferrell once considered himself painfully shy and claims he had to work very hard to overcome his lack of confidence. To do so, he would do idiotic things in public so that people would laugh at him. He told People Magazine,” In college, I would push an overhead projector across campus with my pants just low enough to show my butt. Then my friend would incite the crowd to be like, 'Look at that idiot!' That's how I got over being shy." What does this tell us about taking risks? When we feel shy or afraid of something, we can take action to build more confidence. Instead of accepting himself as a shy person, Ferrell had the courage to overcome his fears by facing them. In doing so, he felt more confident outside of his comfort zone.

(PPstock / Shutterstock.com)

The Cycle of Success

The takeaway? Taking a risk to achieve a goal requires courage to face the fear of uncertainty. No matter the outcome, either way, we grow through the process and become more resilient and confident. Better yet, building those skills helps in taking more risks and improves the chances of achieving future goals.

(fizkes / Shutterstock.com)

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Why I’m happy to be my husband’s second wife

He learned a lot in his first marriage. Now I get to reap the benefits.

For the most part, everyone prefers to be a first to someone. A first kiss. A first love. But not me. I prefer being someone’s second, and that someone is my husband.

I’m my husband’s second wife. It’s my first time being a wife and a parent, but it’s his second time at both.

We will have been together nine years this July, married for seven. We have two beautiful children together, a 5-year-old daughter and a 7-month-old son. While no marriage is perfect, I think ours has unique benefits. My husband can take everything that didn’t work out from his first marriage and use it as a “what not to do” list. He’s a different person than he was over 25 years ago when he got married and had a child the first time around. And the ways in which he’s changed now pay off in our marriage.

Forget being first. Why it's better to be the second wife

For starters, my husband is admittedly more patient now. In his first marriage, he was a very young husband with a new baby and a new wife. Some of the circumstances were less than ideal — a surprise pregnancy and the pressure to get married — which was a challenge. Today my husband is almost 60. With age comes understanding. He has learned the importance of patience — with your spouse, with your child and with yourself. In a marriage , you need what can sometimes feel like unlimited patience. While his patience may not be unending, he has a lot of it — especially when it comes to our overly energetic 5-year-old daughter. She’s a firecracker, but when she is going crazy and I see how gentle, calm and patient my husband is with her, it makes me feel happy — and relieved. Having a husband with more patience takes the pressure off me to always have to be the patient one, especially with our children.

When my husband first became a father , he was barely 25 years old. He wasn’t prepared for the weight of family life and everything that comes with that — putting other people first, being more flexible, being a dad 24/7. He figured it out along the way, though, and today he puts our children before everything. Watching my husband cuddle with our 7-month-old in bed, while our daughter reads a book next to them, makes my heart explode.

He’s also more confident in this season of life. My husband always felt like the black sheep of his family, especially as an artist. He’s a painter and would often go through periods of intense focus where he would close himself off to the world to concentrate. His family never understood that. While he doesn’t do that very often now, if he does, I understand him. He’s proven himself. He’s worked hard. He knows his worth and who he is. And he doesn’t need to prove any of that to anyone, the way he felt he had to when he was younger. He’s more confident and he is more comfortable with himself as a husband, father and artist. When people are insecure, that can lead to trust issues. But his confidence makes our bond stronger. It’s much easier to be married to someone who is secure and comfortable in their skin.

Of course, it’s not always perfect. But even when we’re not seeing eye to eye, my husband can handle it better than he could years ago.

When I was younger, my mom would tell me it’s important to know how to argu e. I used to think that sounded ridiculous, but I now know exactly what she meant. My husband admits that when he was young, he would often raise his voice in the heat of the moment. Now, he knows how to listen and see my point of view, not just his own. He knows that there are two sides to every argument and that it is important to respect each other. He thought he was always right in his first marriage. Right about everything when it came to parenting and life in general. But he’s learned that it’s actually OK to be wrong and more importantly, to admit that maybe you’ve made a mistake. He knows he’s not always right — and that’s OK. Even when we fight, I know our mutual goal is to come to a conclusion, together.

I know that some of my husband’s maturity is a natural part of getting older — he had 20 years between marriages — but I also believe he wouldn’t have learned so much without the experience he got in his first marriage. Today my husband speaks so positively about his ex-wife, especially about how she is as a mother, and I really respect that, and see it as another sign of how he’s grown. I feel very lucky to be his second wife, and to have met him after he got out of his system a lot of the mistakes we make when we’re young.

As it turns out, sometimes being second is the real win.

Caroline Chirichella is originally from NYC and now calls Italy her home. She is a public relations consultant with a focus on female- and mom-run businesses, and a freelance writer .

Opinion It’s not so ‘terribly strange to be 70’

I turned 70 today, a young age for an older person to be, but it is the oldest I have ever been by a long shot. It has been well over six decades since I learned in arithmetic how to carry the one, and the rest has sped by like microfiche.

One big juicy, messy, hard, joyful, quiet life. That’s what my 70 years have bequeathed me.

In my teens, already drinking and drugging, I didn’t expect to see 21, and at 21, out of control, I didn’t expect to see 30. At 30, I had published three books but, as a sober friend put it, was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.

Then at 32, I got clean and sober, the miracle of my life from which all other blessings flow. My son was born three years later. The apple fell close to the tree: My son went off the rails, too. He and his partner had a baby at 19, which had not been in my specific plans for him, but you know the old line: If you want to make God laugh, tell Her your plans.

The baby, soon to get his learner’s permit, turned out to be the gift of a lifetime. My son got clean and sober 13 years ago, and the three of us grew up together. Then after a long search, I met this brilliant, kind writer guy and, three days after I started getting Social Security, I married him. Yesterday, I published my 20th book, called “Somehow.” Today, when I woke up, I was 70. Seventy!

I think that I am only 57, but the paperwork does not back this up. I don’t feel old, because your inside self doesn’t age. When younger people ask me when I graduated from high school and I say 1971, there’s a moment’s pause, as if this is inconceivable and I might as well have said 20 B.C. That’s when I feel my age. But I smile winsomely because, while I would like to have their skin, hearing, vision, memory, balance, stamina and focus, I would not go back even one year.

My older friends and I know a thing or two.

In general, though, I know how little I know. This is a big relief.

I know that my lifelong belief, that to be beyond reproach offers shelter and protection, is a lie. Shelter is an inside job, protection an illusion. We are as vulnerable as kittens. Love fends off the worst of it.

I know now that everyone is screwed up to some degree, and that everyone screws up. Phew. I thought for decades it was just me, that all of you had been issued owner’s manuals in second grade, the day I was home with measles. We are all figuring it out as we go. Aging is grad school.

I know a very little bit about God, or goodness, or good orderly direction. I am a believer, but I don’t trouble myself about ultimate reality, the triune nature of the deity or who shot the Holy Ghost. I say help a lot, and thanks, and are You kidding me??? Have You been drinking again, Friend?

I know about something I will call cloak hope, most obvious to me in the people who swooped in and helped me get sober in 1986, and swooped down again in 2012 for my child. In my case, an elderly sober woman named Ruby saw me in my utter, trembly hopelessness — afraid, smelly and arrogant; she swept in and took me under her wing. She wrapped her cloak around me and was the counternarrative to all I believed at 32, i.e., that I needed to figure things out, especially myself, and who to blame.

I know the beauty of shadows. Shadows show us how life can gleam in contrast. Sunshine might be dancing outside the window, but the wonder is in the variegation, with fat white clouds bunched up on the right casting shadows on the hills and gardens, and brushstrokes of gray clouds on the left and — most magical — the long narrow shawl of fog right across the top of the ridge. The day is saying, Who knows how the weather will morph, but meanwhile so much is possible. And that is life asserting itself.

I know life will assert itself. Knowing this means I have a shot at some measure of pliability, like a willow tree that is maybe having an iffy day.

I know everything is in flux, that all things will turn into other things. I am uncomfortable with this but less so than in younger years. Michael Pollan wrote, “Look into a flower, and what do you see? Into the very heart of nature’s double nature — that is, the contending energies of creation and dissolution, the spiring toward complex form and the tidal pull away from it.” So I don’t sweat feeling a little disoriented some days.

I have grown mostly unafraid of my own death, except late at night when I head to WebMD and learn that my symptoms are probably cancer.

I know and am constantly aware of how much we have all lost and are in danger of losing — I am not going to name names — and am awash with gratitude for lovely, funny things that are still here and still work.

I know how to let go now, mostly, although it is not a lovely Hallmark process, and when well-wishers from my spiritual community exhort me to let go and let God, I want to Taser them. But I know that when I finally tell a best friend of my thistly stuckness, the telling is the beginning of release. You have to learn to let go. Otherwise, you get dragged, or you become George Costanza’s father pounding the table and shouting, “Serenity now!”

I know that people and pets I adore will keep dying, and it will never be okay, and then it will, sort of, mostly. I know the cycle is life, death, new life, and I think this is a bad system, but it is the one currently in place.

I know I will space out and screw up right and left as I head out on this book tour, say things I wish I could take back, forget things, sometimes onstage, and lose things. I just will.

I recently went to Costa Rica, where my husband was giving a spiritual retreat, and I forgot my pants. My pants! And last month, I went to give a talk at a theater two states away and forgot to bring any makeup. I am quite pale, almost light blue in some places — think of someone from “Game of Thrones” with a head cold — and ghostly under bright lights. When I discovered this omission, I was wearing only tinted moisturizer, powder on my nose and light pink lip gloss.

I gave myself an inspiring pep talk on my inner beauty, the light within. And then I had a moment of clarity: I asked the person driving me to the venue to stop at CVS, where I bought blush and a lipstick that was accidentally brighter and glossier than I usually wear. I looked fabulous. Age is just a number when you still know how to shine. And I shone.

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NPR editor Uri Berliner resigns with blast at new CEO

David Folkenflik

Uri Berliner resigned from NPR on Wednesday saying he could not work under the new CEO Katherine Maher. He cautioned that he did not support calls to defund NPR. Uri Berliner hide caption

Uri Berliner resigned from NPR on Wednesday saying he could not work under the new CEO Katherine Maher. He cautioned that he did not support calls to defund NPR.

NPR senior business editor Uri Berliner resigned this morning, citing the response of the network's chief executive to his outside essay accusing NPR of losing the public's trust.

"I am resigning from NPR, a great American institution where I have worked for 25 years," Berliner wrote in an email to CEO Katherine Maher. "I respect the integrity of my colleagues and wish for NPR to thrive and do important journalism. But I cannot work in a newsroom where I am disparaged by a new CEO whose divisive views confirm the very problems at NPR I cite in my Free Press essay."

NPR and Maher declined to comment on his resignation.

The Free Press, an online site embraced by journalists who believe that the mainstream media has become too liberal, published Berliner's piece last Tuesday. In it, he argued that NPR's coverage has increasingly reflected a rigid progressive ideology. And he argued that the network's quest for greater diversity in its workforce — a priority under prior chief executive John Lansing – has not been accompanied by a diversity of viewpoints presented in NPR shows, podcasts or online coverage.

Later that same day, NPR pushed back against Berliner's critique.

"We're proud to stand behind the exceptional work that our desks and shows do to cover a wide range of challenging stories," NPR's chief news executive, Edith Chapin, wrote in a memo to staff . "We believe that inclusion — among our staff, with our sourcing, and in our overall coverage — is critical to telling the nuanced stories of this country and our world."

Yet Berliner's commentary has been embraced by conservative and partisan Republican critics of the network, including former President Donald Trump and the activist Christopher Rufo.

Rufo is posting a parade of old social media posts from Maher, who took over NPR last month. In two examples, she called Trump a racist and also seemed to minimize the effects of rioting in 2020. Rufo is using those to rally public pressure for Maher's ouster, as he did for former Harvard University President Claudine Gay .

Others have used the moment to call for the elimination of federal funding for NPR – less than one percent of its roughly $300 million annual budget – and local public radio stations, which derive more of their funding from the government.

NPR names tech executive Katherine Maher to lead in turbulent era

Berliner reiterated in his resignation letter that he does not support such calls.

In a brief interview, he condemned a statement Maher issued Friday in which she suggested that he had questioned "whether our people are serving our mission with integrity, based on little more than the recognition of their identity." She called that "profoundly disrespectful, hurtful, and demeaning."

Berliner subsequently exchanged emails with Maher, but she did not address those comments.

"It's been building up," Berliner said of his decision to resign, "and it became clear it was on today."

For publishing his essay in The Free Press and appearing on its podcast, NPR had suspended Berliner for five days without pay. Its formal rebuke noted he had done work outside NPR without its permission, as is required, and shared proprietary information.

(Disclosure: Like Berliner, I am part of NPR's Business Desk. He has edited many of my past stories. But he did not see any version of this article or participate in its preparation before it was posted publicly.)

Earlier in the day, Berliner forwarded to NPR editors and other colleagues a note saying he had "never questioned" their integrity and had been trying to raise these issues within the newsroom for more than seven years.

What followed was an email he had sent to newsroom leaders after Trump's 2016 win. He wrote then: "Primarily for the sake of our journalism, we can't align ourselves with a tribe. So we don't exist in a cocoon that blinds us to the views and experience of tens of millions of our fellow citizens."

Berliner's critique has inspired anger and dismay within the network. Some colleagues said they could no longer trust him after he chose to publicize such concerns rather than pursue them as part of ongoing newsroom debates, as is customary. Many signed a letter to Maher and Edith Chapin, NPR's chief news executive. They asked for clarity on, among other things, how Berliner's essay and the resulting public controversy would affect news coverage.

Yet some colleagues privately said Berliner's critique carried some truth. Chapin also announced monthly reviews of the network's coverage for fairness and diversity - including diversity of viewpoint.

She said in a text message earlier this week that that initiative had been discussed long before Berliner's essay, but "Now seemed [the] time to deliver if we were going to do it."

She added, "Healthy discussion is something we need more of."

Disclosure: This story was reported and written by NPR Media Correspondent David Folkenflik and edited by Deputy Business Editor Emily Kopp and Managing Editor Gerry Holmes. Under NPR's protocol for reporting on itself, no NPR corporate official or news executive reviewed this story before it was posted publicly.

Katherine Maher
uri berliner

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Five Ways to Better Lead Every Aspect of Your Life
4. Be the building block for other people's goals. One of the key exercises in the Total Leadership process was to set up conversations with the most important stakeholders in the different areas of your life. The goal is to ask your stakeholders about their expectations for you and how you're doing in meeting those expectations.
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For Hempton, the good life involves concern for the well-being and flourishing of others, empathy, social justice, and "a disciplined (and informed) commitment to try to make the world a better place.". "In the words of Arnold Toynbee, 'Love is what gives life its meaning and purpose,'" wrote Hempton. "How that works out in the ...
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Sudmann also came across an instructive quote from Dee Hock, the founder of the Visa credit card: "If you look to lead, invest at least 40 percent of your time managing yourself.". Sudmann has found this orientation tremendously helpful — first, as a leader and, more recently, as someone who helps other leaders succeed.
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In this Student Essay of the Week, Maya talks about how building a platform for others to share their stories has helped her understand why welcoming diversity of thought and experience will make her a stronger, more empathetic leader. Three steps forward and two steps back. That was my reality during the privilege walk.
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To achieve good life based on observance of moral principles demands strict observance and application of ethics in everything. Complete observance of ethics yields virtues that make life good in any community. The goodness of a person cannot result from material wealth, but it emerges from the good moral qualities that one has achieved in life ...
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A leadership essay is a college application essay that requires you to share your previous experiences as a leader. ... Go with what feels right, whether that's leading a club or team in school or leading some ducklings across a busy highway. Even if your experience sounds cliché, it's unique because it involves you. ... chances are pretty ...
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forgiving yourself. engaging in grounding exercises. 4. Getting better at time management. Among the things you can do to improve your life right now, managing time efficiently may be key. Time ...
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Attempts to find a better work-life balance are well merited. Work is consistently and positively related to our well-being and constitutes a large part of our identity. Ask yourself who you are, and very soon you'll resort to describing what you do for work. Our jobs can provide us with a sense of competence, which contributes to well-being.
Essay About Better Life
1019 Words5 Pages. Life isn 't fair, and it will never be, that is why most people wish for a "better life". But then again, to a child who is in the orphanage, being adopted leads to a better life. To a teenager, getting good grades and getting accepted to a good university leads to a better life. To a single middle aged woman, finding a ...
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How Taking Risks Can Lead You to a Better Life
Taking a risk to achieve a goal requires courage to face the fear of uncertainty. No matter the outcome, either way, we grow through the process and become more resilient and confident. Better yet, building those skills helps in taking more risks and improves the chances of achieving future goals. (fizkes / Shutterstock.com)
How Taking Risks Can Lead You to a Better Life
Taking calculated risks will help you live the life your soul intended™. Without a little risk, there's no reward. And that reward is confidence. Applying for a promotion is a risk. Starting a relationship is a risk. Giving your children freedom to spend time with their friends is a risk.
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Uri Berliner resigned from NPR on Wednesday saying he could not work under the new CEO Katherine Maher. He cautioned that he did not support calls to defund NPR. NPR senior business editor Uri ...