arranged marriage in india essay

Arranged Marriages: A Critical Analysis Essay

Introduction, the advantage of arranged marriage, the points against arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages have existed in India from the days of yore. Various issues regarding the pros and cons of arranged marriage have gained ground with leading writers and other organizations. A critical examination of the analyses reveals that the public favors their own decision in most cases. To arrive at a suitable decision, I have chosen three arguments for and three arguments against arranged marriages in India.

Sudhir Kakar, a journalist with India Today , one of the leading magazines in India, reports that the advantage of arranged marriage is that it takes away the young person’s anxiety around finding a mate. (Kakar, 2007). Yet another view holds that arranged marriages provide more security to the woman as she receives mature advice from her parents in choosing her mate. (Arranged Marriages). The third reason is that the culture and tradition of the particular caste or community are preserved. (Arranged Marriages).

The arguments that go against the proposition are that the children do not know each other or understand each other. This results in incompatibility. Arranged marriages give rise to the threat of parents getting overprotective and controlling their children’s wishes and desires in choosing their partner and the family members of the young couple often interfere in their matters which prepares grounds for loss of individuality. (Love vs. Arranged). In the desperate attempt to preserve culture and tradition, money is swindled as dowry. (Arranged Marriages and Dowry, 1999-2006). The caste system exists which gives prominence to racism. (Classification of Marriage).

These points prepare the reader to arrive at the fallacies and hence analyze the two sides fairly and rationally.

While discussing the points in favor of arranged marriage, the writer does not seem to have taken a stand in favor yet he has provided evidence to show that arranged marriage is an outlet for the children to overcome their anxiety. It is to be noted that the range of argument is questionable and that the evidence that he has provided is not logical enough. Coming to the second argument, the writer does not express his opinion in favor of arranged marriage yet, he has dealt with the sensitive issue of protection of the rights of a woman. As a common practice, he has chosen testimony from ancient Indian and western cultures.

The evidence has not been given explicitly. In answer to the third argument, the writer has not taken a firm stand favoring arranged marriage yet, he believes that through arranged marriage the culture of a community is preserved and hence giving rise to future developments of culture and tradition in India. The writer has substantiated this from ancient Indian culture to the present.

Coming to the points against arranged marriages, the writer seems to have concluded that arranged marriages are insufficient to provide emotional security as the newlyweds are strangers to each other. This often gives rise to misunderstanding. There is also interference of the family members and unnecessary bickering in the name of religion. Money is swindled, the bride is harassed and in the name of dowry, she is often degraded.

It also promotes racism. These arguments are not properly evidenced. Small samples have been cited to substantiate the views. Suppressed evidence run through which doesn’t account for a practical solution to the above-mentioned drawback. The writer doesn’t look into facts or provide concrete data for reference.

From the above paragraphs, it can be rightly concluded that the arguments that go against arranged marriages are stronger than the arguments in favor.

From the evidence and arguments from both sides, views against arranged marriages are enlightening. The reasons are enumerated below:

Sharmin, in her article, Arranged Marriages: Then and Now has suggested that ‘qualities of a human being should be given its due importance over the popular attributes (family status, look, job, degrees)’ there is a formidable depth to understand the meaning of the phrase “know the person.” (Arranged Marriage: Then and Now 2006)

This reasoning asserts that the character of the person is more important than the superficial identity of the girl or boy. The girl and the boy must know each other’s differences and preferences so that there is mutual understanding in the years to come. Time has to be given to them. This evidence reiterates the need for emotional security, which is a crucial factor in the life of a woman because she has to spend the rest of her life with her in-laws being treated as an outsider rather than one among the family.

According to another opinion ‘In India the evil of dowry, caste and community issues and the concept of matching horoscopes sometimes taken to its extreme level, have contributed much to the arguments against arranged marriages” (Classification of Marriage). The evil practice of dowry has taken many innocent lives and the greed doesn’t end. Parents with girls are burdened. No doubt the rate of female infanticides is the highest. Matching horoscopes has turned fraudulent as the astrologers are bribed and very often it leads to the death of one partner! This is powerful evidence. Though the trend seems to have undergone slight changes, yet the custom prevails.

Parents’ interferences in family matters destroy the individuality of the couples. This is a striking point that has to be noted.

Analyses of the cases would enable us to arrive at this decision. It is a fact that in an arranged marriage the children are unknown to each other and hence they would find it extremely awkward to find themselves in an entirely new environment with a stranger after spending a good number of years with their parents. If the boy is an NRI, he would invariably leave the girl behind and keep in touch with her by phone giving no room for assessing her life partner. She is left back in yet another different environment with her in-laws, thereby providing the least emotional support. Her husband remains a total stranger for several years and the gap widens. Very often opinions clash and there is more room for misunderstandings.

It is always good that parents interfere while choosing their child’s partner because mature advice often saves mishaps.

Yet the danger it poses is alarming as there could be unnecessary interferences of the family members and over-protection resulting in feuds. Though the girl does get social security, family quarrels in the name of culture and tradition arise too soon that the family members engage in frivolous discussions that end up in serious consequences. The parents, in their aim to secure the best partner for their child often hamper the individual preferences of the young couple.

The typical Indian gives importance to the traditions and customs of the community. In the name of culture and custom, money is exchanged as dowry. A custom that began as a gift being given to the daughter at the time of marriage turned out to become a forceful demand for money to meet the requirements of the in-laws! The husband remains a mute puppet in the hands of his parents. The girl is often harassed in the name of giving birth to a male child to pass on to the coming generations. It is shameful to note that the daughter-in-law who has suffered at the hands of her mother-in-law becomes the accused in the next generation.

This is prominent even in educated and elite households where crores are spent on the bridegroom and it is called a ‘decent marriage’.

I believe that the arguments favoring arranged marriages have failed to provide practical solutions to the problems and the evidence does not stand the test of time, whereas the arguments against arranged marriages have evidence and public support. They have withstood the test of time. Proofs from every side seem to speak against arranged marriages.

Kakar, Sudhir. (2007). Match Fixing, India Today. Web.

Arranged Marriages , Indian Wedding: iloveindia. Web.

Love vs. Arranged , Indian Wedding: iloveindia. Web.

Arranged Marriages and Dowry, (1999-2006). Pardesi. Web.

Arranged marriage: Then and Now . (2006). Adhunika blog. Web.

Classification of Marriage , Indianetzone. Web.

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Arranged Marriage in India

For decades, arranged marriages have been an important part of Indian society. Parents pick their child’s mate based on caste, religion, and socioeconomic status (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). Arranged marriages in India have evolved in response to changing ideals about marriage and relationships. Traditionally, arranged marriages were employed to protect family lineage as well as social and economic stability. Marriages in ancient India were regularly arranged by the bride and groom’s family, sometimes without the couple’s agreement (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). The caste system separated society and defined who could and could not marry. Because inter-caste marriages were prohibited, individuals married within their caste. When arranging weddings, families started to consider compatibility and marriage chances. Even while the caste system remains in existence, Indians marry beyond their caste more often in arranged weddings. Religion has an impact on Indian arranged marriages. Hinduism, India’s predominant religion, has a huge effect on arranged marriage. “Dharma,” or life responsibility, is emphasized in Hinduism. Marriage within one’s caste contributes to social and economic stability (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). Marriage customs exist in both Islam and Sikhism, both of which are observed in India (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). Family-arranged Muslim weddings need the bride and groom’s approval. Arranged marriages are not permitted in Sikhism. Relationships should be chosen by Sikhs based on compatibility and understanding (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). Arranged marriages are therefore a long-standing practice in India. The practice evolved through time in response to changes in societal attitudes and aspirations. Younger generations prefer planned weddings over love marriages, reflecting a shift in marriage and relationship values. As a result, the article includes a summary as well as a perspective on arranged marriages in India.

Arranged marriage in India has evolved throughout time. Parents or family members in India no longer choose a partner for their kid based on caste, religion, or socioeconomic status (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). One of the most important trends in arranged marriage nowadays is modern arranged marriage. Parents still play an important part in selecting a match for their kid in contemporary arranged marriages, but the couple has a greater voice in the ultimate choice. The bride and groom might meet before they married. Several factors contribute to contemporary arranged weddings. Higher education has exposed more young people in India to Western ideals and concepts, which has influenced their marital views (Chattopadhyay & Chattopadhyay, 2019). Young people are becoming more self-assured and aggressive, and they demand a voice in marriage and partner choosing. By linking individuals beyond their local social circle, social media has increased the pool of eligible mates.

Gender roles play a significant part in Indian arranged marriages. Marriages were arranged in order to maintain social and cultural standards, including gender roles. In India, gender norms and expectations continue to define arranged marriage. Women in arranged marriages must bow to their husbands. The bride’s family wanted a groom who could financially support and protect her in conventional arranged weddings. The husband often had complete control over the wife’s life, including her mobility and decision-making. This dynamic has, however, shifted little in modern arranged marriages. Women are increasingly seeking equal partners who value their autonomy. Women now have greater negotiating power in arranged marriages and higher expectations for relationship equality as a result of education and economic independence. As a result, gender norms and expectations have an impact on Indian arranged marriage. While women have acquired greater freedom and influence in marriages, gender norms centered on domestic responsibilities and submission to husbands have not changed. Dowry expectations create a power imbalance that may be problematic for women. Gender norms and expectations will continue to effect Indian homes and people as arranged marriage progresses.

Family dynamics have a role in Indian arranged marriages. In traditional arranged marriages, the family selects a mate for their kid. It is critical to understand how family dynamics influence arranged marriages in India. Arranged marriages often pair people with comparable beliefs and backgrounds. The family will often play a part in bringing appropriate spouses to their son or daughter, and they will be included in the marriage decision-making process. At a formal engagement ceremony, the families may meet and exchange presents. Family honor is crucial to arranged marriages. A child’s behaviors in India have an impact on the family’s honor (Parkin, 2021). By selecting an appropriate mate for their kid, the family preserves their honor. This might place the couple under social and cultural pressure, affecting their relationship. Arranged marriages may be influenced by family honor and riches. Some families pick a spouse who can financially sustain their kid. The partner may feel exploited for their money rather than chosen for who they are, which may generate conflict.

Arranged weddings in India may have a tremendous influence on the participants. While some people like the notion of an arranged marriage, others may be frustrated by their lack of choice and influence over their potential partners. Arranged marriage is a severe disadvantage in that it limits partner choice (Parkin, 2021). The family picks the partner in an arranged marriage. After considering the individual’s preferences, the family makes a decision. This might leave a person feeling gloomy and helpless over their future. Arranged marriages may also place partners under social and cultural pressure. The family may choose a spouse who shares their values and expects the pair to adhere to cultural and religious conventions (Parkin, 2021). Conflict may arise when individuals have opposing viewpoints. Arranged marriages may also harm an individual’s sense of identity. Some individuals believe that their family and community define them. This is detrimental to self-discovery and progress.

As a result, arranged weddings in India have a rich cultural and religious past. Despite the fact that the practice has changed in response to changing social and economic situations, it continues to play an important role in Indian society. Despite criticism, many Indian families still see arranged marriage as a method to ensure compatibility, stability, and security for their children. As India modernizes, arranged marriages are changing. The selection process is influenced by technology and the changing views of younger generations, which prioritize compatibility and similar ideals. Women in arranged marriages are becoming more aggressive in the selection process. Many reasons hamper the future of arranged weddings in India. While the practice is expected to persist in Indian society, it will also change in reaction to changing social and economic realities. As a result, society must continue to weigh the benefits and drawbacks of arranged marriage for Indian families and individuals.

Chattopadhyay, D., & Chattopadhyay, S. (2019). Colorism and Love for Fair Skin: Exploring Digitization’s Effect on India’s Arranged Marriage Matrimonial Advertisements. Asian Communication Research. Academia. Edu. https://www.academia.edu/download/59193419/ACR_COLORISM_ACCEPTED_VERSION20190509-49205-18ro0qf.pdf

Parkin, R. (2021). Arranged marriages: Whose choice and why? Reflections on the principles underlying spouse selection worldwide. History and Anthropology, 32(2), 271–287. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02757206.2021.1905255

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Arranged Marriages, Matchmakers, and Dowries in India

Arranged marriages in india.

Arranged marriages have been part of the Indian culture since the fourth century. Many consider the practice a central fabric of Indian society, reinforcing the social, economic, geographic, and the historic significance of India (Stein). Prakasa states that arranged marriages serve six functions in the Indian community: (1) helps maintain the social satisfaction system in the society; (2) gives parents control, over family members; (3) enhances the chances to preserve and continue the ancestral lineage; (4) provides an opportunity to strengthen the kinship group; (5) allows the consolidation and extension of family property; (6) enables the elders to preserve the principle of endogamy (Prakasa 17) (see Gender and Nation ).

The practice of arranged marriages began as a way of uniting and maintaining upper caste families. Eventually, the system spread to the lower caste where it was used for the same purpose (see Caste System in India ). The specifics of arranged marriages vary, depending on if one is Hindu or Muslim. “Marriage is treated as an alliance between two families rather than a union between two individuals” (Prakasa 15). The Child Marriage Restraint Act of 1929-1978 states that the legal age for marriage is 18 for females, and 21 for males,with most females being married by 24 and most males being married by their late twenties (McDonald). However, many children, age 15 and 16 are married within a cultural context, with these marriages being neither void or voidable under Hindu or Muslim religious law, as long as the marriage is not consummated until the legal age of 18 for females and 21 for males.

Muslim Arranged Marriages in India

In the Muslim faith, it is the responsibility of the parents to provide for the education and the marriage of their children. The parent’s duties are not considered complete unless their daughter is happily married (Ahmad 53).  Marriage is a sunna , an obligation from the parent to the child that must be fulfilled because the female is viewed as a par gaheri , a person made for someone else’s house (53). In this custom, it is the responsibility of the groom’s parents to make the initial move toward marriage: seeking eligible females and insuring their son is marketable. Once a female has been selected, the father of the male sends a letter to the perspective bride’s father, through a maulvi , a liaison between the families, asking the father if his daughter can marry his son. If the female’s father accepts by letter, then a formal ceremony is held at the female’s house, where the father of the groom asks the girl’s father if his daughter can marry. A feast and perhaps the giving of gifts, depending on the region of the exchange, follow the “asking” ceremony. During the feast, the respective parents set a time to solemnize the marriage, “usually during the summer season (garmiyan) because it allows more time for people to attend” (98). The date of the actual marriage ceremony depends on the age of the individuals, which ranges from four years to eight years after the “asking” ceremony (97).

Most Muslim arranged marriages are solemnized four years after the “asking” ceremony. The ceremony itself consists of a sub ceremony: the maledera, where female members of the male’s family wash and dress the male in traditional clothing, and the female dera, where the female is washed, given henna, and given ceremonial jewelry (98). The actual marriage ceremony (nikah) consists of both individuals being asked if they are in agreement for marriage. Once a yes is acknowledged, the Koran is read, and the father determines a dowry, with 40% being paid at the nikah and an agreement that the rest will be paid at a later date. The paying of a dowry is culturally optional, but legally unlawful. Once the dowry has been agreed on, a marriage contract is drawn up and the female goes to live with the husband’s family.

If the daughter remains unmarried, she is considered a spinster, who brings shame upon her family, and she is considered a burden. A woman also suffers this fate if she is separated or single past 24 years old (Stein). For more information, see Divorce in India.

Hindu Arranged Marriages  in India

Marriage is a sacramental union in the Hindu faith. “One is incomplete and considered unholy if they do not marry” (Parakasa 14). Because of these beliefs, many families begin marriage preparation well in advance of the date of marriage, with the help of “kinsmen, friends, and ‘go-betweens’” (14). Most females are married before puberty, with almost all girls being married before 16, while most boys are married before the age of 22 (Gupta 146). However, couples normally do not consummate the marriage until three years after the marriage ceremony (146). The legal age for marriages is 18 for females and 21 for males (McDonald). The male’s family is responsible for seeking the female. The male’s family is responsible for arranging the marriage. Like Muslim arranged marriages, the Hindu culture uses a matchmaker to help find possible matches.  Once a match is found and arrangements met, the two families meet to discuss dowry, time, and location of the wedding, the birth stars of the boy and girl, and education (McDonald). During this time, the males of the family huddle in the center of the room, while the perspective couple sits at the periphery of the room and exchange glances. If the two families agree, they shake hands and set a date for the wedding (McDonald).

Most Hindu pre-wedding ceremonies take place on acuta , the most spiritual day for marriages. The ceremony often takes place early in the morning, with the male leading the female around a fire ( punit ) seven times. After the ceremony, the bride is taken back to her home until she is summoned to her husband’s family house. Upon her arrival, her husband’s mother is put in charge of her, where she is to learn the inner workings of the house. During this time she is not allowed to interact with the males of the house, because she is considered pure until the marriage is consummated. This period of marriage can range from three to six years (McDonald).

Arranged Marriage Matchmaker in India

The traditional arranged marriage matchmaker is called a nayan (Prakasa 21). The matchmaker is normally a family friend or distant relative who serves as a neutral go-between when families are trying to arrange a marriage. Some families with marriageable age children may prefer not to approach possible matches with a marriage proposal because communication between families could break down, and could result in accidental disrespect between the two families (Ahmad 68). Matchmakers can serve two functions: marriage scouts, who set out to find possible matches, and as negotiators, people who negotiate between families. As a scout and negotiator, a family sends the nayan into the community to seek possible matches. The matchmaker considers “family background, economic position, general character, family reputation, the value of the dowry, the effect of alliance on the property, and other family matters” (Prakasa 15). Once a match is found, the matchmaker notifies his or her clients and arranges communication through him or her. Communication is facilitated through the nayan until some type of agreement is met. Depending on the region, an actual meeting between the families takes place, to finalize the marriage agreement, while also allowing the couple to see each other (22).

Once a marriage agreement is met, the nayan may be asked to assist in the marriage preparations: jewelry and clothing buying, ceremonial set-up, and notification of the marriage to the community (Ahmad 68). The nayan usually receives no pay for his or her services, but may receive gifts: clothing, food, and assistance in farming from both families for the services they provide (69).

Newspapers, the Internet, television ads, and social conventions serve as the modern nayan (Prakasa 22). Indian families in metropolitan cities use the mass media as go-between as a way of bridging cultural gaps, in areas where there may be a small Indian population.

Dowries in India

Dowries originally started as “love” gifts after the marriages of upper caste individuals, but during the medieval period the demands for dowries became a precursor for marriage (Prakasa 61). The demand for dowries spread to the lower caste, and became a prestige issue, with the system becoming rigid and expensive. The dowry system became a tool for “enhancing family social status and economic worth” (61). Prakasa notes five purposes of the dowry: (1) provides an occasion for people to boost their self esteem through feasts and displays of material objects; (2) makes alliances with the families of similar status; (3) helps prevent the breakup of family property; (4) gets a better match for daughters; (5) furnishes daughters with some kind of social and economic security (61-62). The expensive nature of dowries has helped raise the marriage age in the middle and lower caste because families have not been able to meet dowry demands, and has also forced some families “to transcend their caste groups and find bridegrooms from other sub caste and different caste” (62).

There are some disadvantages to dowries. Families may suffer financial hardships due to the expensive nature of dowries. They may not be able to afford dowries, therefore prohibiting their children from marriage, causing “girls to occasionally commit suicide in order to rid their fathers of financial burdens” (62). Because of social instances like these, many consider “the dowry system as a social evil and an intolerable burden to many brides’ families”(62).

As a result, the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 was passed. It decrees, “to give, take, or demand a dowry is an offense punishable by imprisonment and fines” (77). A dowry is also defined as “any property or valuable security given or agreed to be given either directly or indirectly by one party to a marriage to the other party to the marriage, or by the parents of either party to a marriage or by any other person, to either party to the marriage or to any other person at or before or after the marriage as consideration for the marriage of the said parties” (Diwan 77). The law does make the following exclusion: “any presents made at the time of marriage to either party to the marriage in the form of cash, ornament, clothes or other articles, do not count as a dowry” (77). These items are considered wedding gifts. The law does create the following loop hole; “the giving or taking of dowry does not affect the validity of the marriage… if the dowry is given, the bride is entitled to it, but the person giving it is punished by law if discovered” (77).

Select Bibliography

• Harlan, Lindsey, ed.  From the Margins of Hindu Marriage: Essays on Gender, Religion, and culture.   New York: Oxford University Press,1995.
• Kannan, Chirayil.   Intercaste and inter-community marriages in India . Bombay: Allied Publishers, 1963.
• Manning, Henry Edward.  Indian Child Marriages . London: New Review, 1890.
• Uberoi, Patricia, ed.  Family, Kinship, and Marriage in India . New York: Oxford University Press, 1993.

Works Cited

• Ahmad, Imtiaz, ed.  Family, Kinship and Marriage Among Muslimsin India . Manohar: Jawaharlal Nehru University Press, 1976.
• Diwan, Paras.  Family Law: Law of Marriage and Divorce in India . New Delhi: Sterling Publishers Private Limited, 1983.
• Goswami, B, J. Sarkar, and D. Danda, eds.  Marriage in India: Tribes, Muslims, and Anglo-India . Calcutta: Shri Sovan Lal Kumar,1988.
• Gupta, Giri Raj, ed.  Family and Social Change in Modern India . Durham: Carolina Academic Press, 1971.
• Prakasa, Rao.  Marriage,  The Family and Women in India . Printox: South Asia Books,1982.
• Ramu, G.  Family and Caste in Urban India: A Case Study . New Delhi: Vikas Publishing House PVT LTD, 1977.
• Reddy, Narayan.  Marriages in India . Gurgaon: The Academic Press, 1978.
• Saheri’s Choice . Dir. Hamis McDonald. Videocorp LTD, 1998.
• Sastri, A. Mahadeva.  The Vedic Law of Marriage or The Emancipation of Woman . New Delhi: Asian Educational Services, 1918.
• Stein, Dorothy. “Burning Widows, Burning Brides: The Perils of Daughterhood in India.”  Pacific Affairs 61 (1988): 465-485.

Related Web Sites

Bollywood and Women

Caste System in India

Divorce in India

Gender and Nation

Third World and Third World Women

Women, Islam, and Hijab

Author:  Santana Flanigan, Fall 2000 Last edited: October 2017

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Introduction to postcolonial / queer studies, biocolonialism, 13 comments.

very well elaborated article, very useful. thanks for sharing.

This was so helpful. It was detailed and easy to understand.

Great article. Clarified a lot for my research paper

Thanks for the great information. Beautifully written.

I also wrote about how deep-rooted marriages are in Indian culture and how we are forced to marry at a particular age to someone in our cast and sub caste. I narrate my struggle with the orthodox system to stay unmarried even though I am 30 years old now.

Do visit my blog to read the article and let me know if you like it. 🙂

I have a question: Despite arranged marriages being encouraged at the legal age of 18, many girls are married as teenagers; why?

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Hey I am a high school student in the 11th grade and I am working on a capstone project that is focused on arranged marriges and one of the components to the project is to contact an expert on the topic. I would really like some feedback from you guys and it would really help me alot

Thank you for the comment. Unfortunately, we are not experts on arranged marriage. If you email us at [email protected] with more details, I can try to find you some sources or connect you with someone that might be able to help you.

I am a high school student and I was wondering what credibility the author has for this source because I would like to use it in a paper I am writing. If you could help me that would be amazing and it would really help me.

Thank you for the comment. The post serves as an overview of Arranged Marriage in India. If you want to research further, see the “select bibliography” and “works cited” at the end of the post for additional sources.

Hey, Im doing a capstone project on arranged marriage too, but I’m looking at it more in a way of how science is involved in this traditional system in our modern days of technology. Good Luck on your paper!

The only way to achieve happiness is to cherish what you have and forget what you don’t have

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Article Contents

I. introduction, ii. misunderstanding the arranged marriage, iii. understanding arranged marriage, iv. conclusion and suggestions for further research.

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Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution

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Naema N Tahir, Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution, International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family , Volume 35, Issue 1, 2021, ebab005, https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebab005

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This research asks one simple question, a question many studies on the arranged marriage omit to ask, namely “What exactly is the arranged marriage?” Author Naema Tahir, born and bred in the arranged marriage culture, but educated in the free-choice marriage culture, argues that much literature on the arranged marriage fails to offer full exploration of this traditional marital system. Instead, the arranged marriage is often analysed through the lens of the modern free choice marriage system. However, this is not a neutral lens. It considers the free choice marriage to be the ideal. As a result, the arranged marriage is perceived to be a “marriage of shortcomings”, one that fails to meet the standards of the free-choice marriage system. The author encourages readers to break this frame and offers a neutral perspective on this traditional marital system practised by billions around the world. Readers are invited to an in-depth and rigorous analysis of the foundations upon which the arranged marriage system rests. While this analysis zooms in on the case study of one particular focus group, the British Pakistani diaspora, it reveals broad insights into the arranged marriage system in general. This analysis highlights and critically examines social principles fundamental to the arranged marriage system and which are much misunderstood, such as hierarchy, patriarchy, collectivism, group loyalty and the role of parental and individual marital consent. The author argues that it is vital to first understand the traditional structures of the arranged marriage, before one can understand modernizing tendencies the arranged marriage system is currently undergoing. As such, this study hugely contributes to an unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns and is a valuable reading for those interested in marriage, marital systems and the future thereof.

There is a tendency in academic literature to view the arranged marriage from the lens of the autonomous marriage. In this literature the arranged marriage is compared in a binary to the autonomous marriage. 1 While a comparison of the arranged marriage to the autonomous marriage should be an unbiased one, the contrary is true. From this binary, both marital systems are not viewed neutrally. The autonomous marriage, thriving on individual choice, is perceived to be the ideal marital system, while the arranged marriage, supported by traditional kin authority, is not considered ideal. Resulting from this, the autonomous marriage sets the standards of an ideal marriage all marriages must aim for, including the arranged marriage. The arranged marriage is then measured by characteristics typical of the autonomous marriage system. However, the arranged marriage, even in its most modern manifestation, is not an autonomous marriage. Monitoring the arranged marriage as if it were or should be autonomous, emphasizes defects, deficits, lacunas in the arranged marriage on matters related to autonomy. Measured this way, the arranged marriage turns into something faulty. It becomes a marriage of shortcomings.

There is a necessity to study the arranged marriage on its own terms and not in a binary with the autonomous marriage. 2 This will enable judging the arranged marriage on the qualities and rewards it holds for its practitioners. At its core, this article hopes to contribute to an understanding of the arranged marriage from an unbiased lens.

This article is set up in three sections.

Section II will investigate biased understandings of the arranged marriage in more detail, by critically evaluating the binary approach in scholarly literature, illustrated further by a study of a variety of categorizations and close interpretation of definitions on the arranged marriage. Section II argues that in scholarly literature, the arranged marriage is framed as a lesser version of the ideal of autonomous conjugal union.

Section III will aim to construct a Weberian ideal type 3 of the traditional arranged marriage as a useful tool that offers neutral, unbiased insights into general features all arranged marriage systems, to varying degrees, share. The arranged marriage will be understood as a guardianship invested marital system, which is organized in a hierarchical, aristocratic manner, upheld by parental authority, group orientation and belonging. This section will provide a conceptual, theoretical analysis of the arranged marriage by drawing on literature that intersects between tradition and modernity, by leading scholars in the field. 4 Through this analysis a marital system will surface which is embedded in a cultural inherited belief that the young must be relieved of mate-selection which is perceived, not so much as a harmless liberty with mere individual impact, but as a burden that the strongest shoulders in the community must be bear, and as a choice that has broad implications for the family, extended family, and community.

Section IV will conclude as to how knowledge on the arranged marriage proper, as an aristocratic guardianship system, can be applied to the varied practices of changing patterns in arranged marriages, that include the increasing involvement of the young in mate-selection and marriage making. This section will also offer suggestions for further research.

This article will focus on analyses of conjugal practices of British immigrant Pakistanis residing in the UK, the largest Pakistani diaspora in the world that strongly upholds the arranged marriage system. While narrowing down the focus to one culture, norm and values will surface that typically underlie the arranged marriage system in general.

For this article, the following working definition of arranged marriage will be employed: marriage for which the mate selection is under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents and that aligns the families in a durable relational bond that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union. 5 The following working definition will be employed of the autonomous marriage: marriage for which the mate selection is undertaken by the marital agents, who base their selection on subjective criteria with the aim to align the agents in a durable relational conjugal union. 6

1. Biased Binary Approach

The so-called binary approach in the study or representation of the arranged marriage is much criticized in literature. 7 This binary is considered ‘liberal individualist’ 8 or Eurocentric. 9 Set in a binary with the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage is judged by the idealized standards of the autonomous marriage. That which is idealized is individual freedom and conjugal choice. Individualism is considered progressive, there is free choice and the freeing of individual potential. 10 The autonomous marriage elevates the individual who emancipated themselves and rose from the bonds of a history in which marriage choices were not left to solely the individuals. 11 Individuals assume that this transformation from ‘arranged marriages to love matches is progressive and “healthy” … the result should be happier marriages’. 12 Central to the autonomous marriage is the nuclear family, otherwise known as the conjugal or the atomistic family. 13 The dissolving of the extended family into the nuclear family is also seen as a marker of modernity and progress. 14 Modernity signifies improvement, including modernity in the way one marries. 15 Through modernization, arranged marriage will be replaced by self-chosen unions. 16 ‘[A]lthough Western ideas about the family are often opposed or resisted at first, many of these ideas are nevertheless adopted, often in modified forms, because the Western style family is so closely associated with development.’ 17 And while this theory may have its critics, 18 this article claims that it still holds ground as regards arranged marriage.

As suggested by the convergence theory and developmental paradigm, 19 the arranged marriage is held to the expectation that it will one day adapt to the Western ways, and advance into the autonomous marriage, as a sign of emancipation, of progress.

Until then, the arranged marriage appears lacking in those very features so particular of the autonomous marriage: free choice, individual energy, emphasis on the idiocentric conjugal union and the self-centred nuclear family. Literature magnifies those very features and puts the arranged marriage to the test: can it fulfil standards of full and free autonomy? Failing to do so turns the arranged marriage into something faulty. The arranged marriage culture is seen as ‘deficient’ and ‘deformed’. 20 It becomes the ‘other’. 21 ‘[T]he “Orient” is constructed and represented in the binary opposition against the Occident as the “Other”.’ 22 This binary distinction ‘[p]roblematically contributes to the discursive portrayal of arranged marriages as certainly less than and other to mainstream marriage practices’. 23

The social principles of individual freedom and autonomy are given much weight in perspectives on the arranged marriage. However, such principles are not neutral. They are ‘European values, assumptions, cultural codes’, are ‘culturally-determined and biased’, and offer ‘limited historical perspectives’, 24 providing a lens through which the arranged marriage is evaluated. There then, is a free-choice system at one end of the spectrum, a space that cannot be shared with the arranged marriage, for that is a parent-orchestrated endeavour and parents’ ‘subtle coercion has a tainting effect on the child's quality of choice’. 25 Thus emerges at the other end of the spectrum the not so free system called the arranged marriage.

Of course, the arranged marriage is certainly not considered a forced marriage in the studied literature—though media often equate the two. 26 However, literature on the arranged marriage frequently mentions forced unions and thus frequently connects arranged marriage to forced marriage. Besides, an overlap between arranged and forced marriage is often recognized and referred to as a ‘grey area’ with the potential of ‘slippage:’ the slightest increase of duress can lead the arranged marriage to ‘slip’ into a forced one. 27 The arranged marriage is always haunted by force.

The heightened attention to freedom and the lack thereof highlights consent, arguably the most important legal principle the arranged marriage is expected to prove. This consent must be full and free. 28 A recurring question in literature is whether arranged marriage supports full and free consent. 29 If consent is present, the union is considered an arranged marriage. Without consent the union is considered coerced. Consent separates arranged marriage from forced marriage. 30 This leads to a preoccupation in legal and policy discourse with the presence of consent and the absence of coercion in the arranged marriage. 31 The presence of consent and the absence of coercion determine the value of the arranged marriage. In essence, the arranged marriage is framed in yet another binary: that between consent versus coercion, a binary that is damaging and limiting. 32 The culture of the arranged marriage in itself becomes problematic. 33 This culture needs to prove constantly that there is no coercion involved. In addition, the binary is limiting in a different sense too. Consent, full and free is a human rights standard, 34 as well as a legal tool to declare the legitimacy of marriage as an uncoerced union. 35 Yet, consent as it operates in the law is given a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 36 As such, read in ‘plain language’ ‘only “free market” or choice marriages —a hallmark of Western societies—meet the “free and full” requirement because “there is nothing to prevent men and women from taking spouses which do not meet their families” approval’. 37

Arranged marriage contexts do not evolve around the freeing of individual energy. They are characterized by collective dynamisms with a particular ‘distribution of power and wider familial and community involvement’. 38 ‘The arranged marriage process, heavily reliant on parental and sometimes extended family input, fails to measure up to the requirements of free and full consent.’ 39 The attention given to full consent ignores that something given an individualistic bent is a strange bedfellow in a system that is not primarily or fully individualistic, nor aims to be. Consent is a universal principle which certainly has its place in the arranged marriage system. Yet, the language of consent in the discourse on arranged marriage is an expression of the ‘rational individual with free will’ 40 or the ‘free self’. 41 It is the language of an atomistic individual, of ‘an autonomous agent who is able to choose and act freely’. 42 This is not the language of a member deeply engrained in community belonging, duty, and purpose.

To reiterate, individual autonomy, including the right to consent, dictates the preoccupation in literature on arranged marriage. Notions such as agency, control, freedom to date, freedom to reject a selected candidate, negotiating power, the right of marital subjects to fall in love, choice and the freedom to self-select, receive profound consideration as a consequence.

In this regard, it is illustrative that arranged marriage is often categorized in types which reflect differing amounts of yet again this very notion of individual autonomy. There are three main types of categorization: traditional, semi-arranged, or love-arranged marriage types. 43 Arranged marriages earmarked as traditional are described as offering no or very little involvement by the young, 44 as if involvement or the lack thereof is the only feature of traditional arranged marriage. Semi-arranged or hybrid types, also known as joint-venture types, point to control shared by the elders and the young alike, 45 which again only emphasize this control as a shared element, as if nothing is of any relevance other than control . Finally, the love-arranged types are embodiments of near full individual control and individual love. 46 This categorization according to a ‘sliding scale of control’ 47 does not highlight what the arranged marriage in general is or what it offers, other than control, to those practising it. Some authors even reject ‘arranged’ as a word to describe this marital system, as this word suggests a lack of control. 48 Individual control has become a dominating feature by which arranged marriage is judged. But it is again agency and control towards more autonomy that academics are consumed with and not agency or autonomy towards more traditional features arranged marriage offers. Those are simply ignored or not sought for. Those remain irrelevant and underexamined.

There could only be one reason why social principles that are founded upon the philosophy of idiocentrism and the freeing of individual energy, are tirelessly sought in a system that thrives on allocentrism, group-belonging and honour for group loyalty. Arguably, the arranged marriage culture only seems to satisfy the Eurocentric mind if it contains the same recognizable ingredients as the autonomous marriage culture. And as it does not, the arranged marriage represents a lesser marital version than the prized autonomous marriage.

2. Biased Definitions of Arranged Marriage

The above bias is reflected in descriptions and definitions of the arranged marriage. Many descriptions or definitions only really offer information as to who selects the mate, eg ‘parent orchestrated alliances’, 49 or ‘marriages that are instigated by the family’, 50 or ‘arranged by family members or respected members in the religious or ethnic community’. 51 Other definitions view the arranged marriage from a biased Eurocentric appreciation. These definitions accentuate ‘individualizing tendencies’. 52

While there is nothing wrong with individuation and autonomy, especially if so desired by those involved in arranged marriages, 53 headlining these modern notions points to a Eurocentric domination as to how the arranged marriage ought to be valued. Simultaneously, such one-sided promotion undervalues notions that cannot be grouped under ‘individualizing tendencies’ and the freeing of individual energy.

A case in point are the following definitions. Arranged marriages are featured as those ‘in which the spouses are chosen for one another by third parties to the marriage such as parents or elder relatives’, 54 or ‘the partners to which are chosen by others , usually their parents’. 55 In these definitions elders are referred to as ‘third parties’ or ‘others’. These wordings seem innocent, yet they are not. They suggest that marital subjects are the ‘first parties’. This qualification is justified if marriage is perceived to be an alliance between individuals, which is the case in the autonomous marriage system. This qualification is not correct if marriage is seen as an alliance between (extended) families, which emerges in the arranged marriage system. 56 ‘ First ’ parties suggests a hierarchy above ‘ third ’ parties, which is not an attribute of the arranged marriage system where singular members of the group, in this case the marital agents, are not valued above the elders or generally above one’s group. Similarly, mentioning that ‘parents rather than. spouses’ or ‘two families rather than individuals’ 57 contract a marriage is again pointing to a Eurocentric preference for self-selection.

Other definitions amplify attention to the individual more explicitly. For example in the definition ‘marriage arranged by the families of the individuals’, 58 the individual is seen as a separate entity, while, as we shall learn in Section III, a ‘tradition directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual’. 59 Indeed, ‘[t]he ideology that underpins a South Asian “arranged” marriage is that obligations to one’s immediate and more extended family have priority over personal self-interest’. 60 Ignoring this, is judging the arranged marriage from a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 61 In the same vein, many definitions contain the words ‘control’, ‘agency’ ‘choice,’ which all emphasize individual autonomy as the standard and which in effect draw attention to arranged marriage as primarily a space where marital agents negotiate increasing amounts of individual control. Other definitions refer to this ‘control’ highlighting dominion and power, suggesting that the arranged marriage is a battlefield between the elders and the young: ‘Traditional arranged marriage placed considerable power in the hands of the parents, and in particularly the father’. 62 Or, ‘In “traditional” societies, parents or the extended family dominate marriage choices’. 63 The power difference referred to suggests there are two parties with opposing aims and interests, which again is not an insightful reflection of unified interests so characteristic of group cultures. Also, culture here is presented as merely problematic: a father’s or parent’s role is that of power or domination, with negative connotations, and not much else.

A third set of definitions emphasizes the changing and flexible arranged marriage types, especially towards offering more control to the individual. It seems as if the arranged marriage is trying to prove that it is very capable of accommodating modernity and is progressive and evolving, for it has choice, agency, room for dating and romance, or the right of marital agents to say ‘no’ at any stage of the arrangement. This latter is illustrated well by Ahmad’s words referring to marriage as a dynamic process: ‘a family-facilitated introduction of a potentially suitable matched prospective candidate followed by a managed pattern of courtship prior to a potential, and agreed to marriage’. 64 Her words seem to suggest that the only acceptable arranged marriage is a progressive arranged marriage, one that resembles the autonomous marriage.

Love too, when mentioned, generally suggests lovelessness in arranged marriage as opposed to true love in autonomous marriage. 65 Arranged marriages are contrasted to marriage where there is romantic love 66 or to ‘love marriages’ based on romantic attachment between the couple’. 67 Arranged marriages when ‘a couple validates its love choice to their respective families’ 68 would be termed love-arranged or western type marriages. One commonly held view is that love will (hopefully) grow in arranged marriage as time passes. 69 Reference to ‘marriage, then love’, 70 supports this theory. Or when ‘love is not forthcoming’ the couple ‘are increasingly supported to divorce … ’. 71 In these examples it is yet again the love between the spouses, primarily romantic, sensual love, or individual affection that is stressed, which again celebrates the love so typical in the autonomous marriage system. 72

Families that are not conjugal have valued ‘not affection, but duty, obligation, honour, mutual aid, and protection … ’. 73 Such love for family or culture or any type of gift-love 74 are hardly mentioned in descriptions of arranged marriage. Even when ‘companionate’ love features, the focus remains on the spouse’s companionship for one another, and not for any(thing) other. Arguably the Eurocentric perspective holds little regard for other loves than the romantic.

3. Evaluation of Biased Science on the Arranged Marriage

The manner in which the arranged marriage is described in the literature studied is a marker of recognizing the arranged marriage as worthwhile only in so far it mirrors the characteristics of the autonomous marriage system. The words employed to describe the arranged marriage reflect autonomy-related values, but exclude community-related values that are foundational to the arranged marriage system. The arranged marriage is thus undervalued for the fundamental characteristics upon which it rests. These are ignored, not understood, arguably misunderstood, if at all known. Set against the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage then becomes the other, deficient, deformed, a marriage of shortcomings, a marriage lacking in freedom and a marriage that is catching up and trying to prove it is not as traditional, thus not so backwards or rigid as analysts of the arranged marriage suggest.

The arranged marriage proper then remains a much understudied marital system and can only be understood by abandoning the binary approach and adopting a neutral lens. One needs ‘to turn the picture round’ as Tocqueville puts, in his eloquent study of aristocratic systems. 75 Such an aristocratic system is the arranged marriage, as we shall learn below.

As mentioned before, arranged marriages are frequently categorized in types, varying from traditional to hybrid to loosely arranged modern versions. They are frequently studied individually, through empirical research which offers a rich, complex, and varied analysis of arranged marriage practices, in diaspora communities, transnational communities as well as in communities and cultures around the world that are globalizing and are in transition. Yet, while all arranged marriages are arguably different, all do share a basic set of similarities. This section aims to bring these to the surface, drawing on sociology, so as to arrive at an ideal type of the arranged marriage.

The arranged marriage as an ideal type is a theoretical construct. 76 The ideal type emphasizes typical features of the arranged marriage, which all concrete individual arranged marriages share with one another and which are presented ‘into a unified analytical construct’. 77 As such the ideal type, ‘in its conceptual purity … cannot be found empirically anywhere in reality’. 78 ‘It is a utopia’. 79 Yet, it is a necessary tool to bring to the surface a neutral, unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage. It is also a ‘measuring rod’ 80 to measure the reality of cultural differences or change the arranged marriage system is constantly undergoing. 81

Before I proceed, it is vital to address academic opposition against the essentialization of the arranged marriage system. This essentialization is criticized as it captures the arranged marriage in a binary opposition with the autonomous marriage, idealizing the autonomous marriage and ‘othering’ the arranged marriage. This essentialization exaggerates cultural difference. 82 It portrays the arranged marriage as a rigid, static, unchanging, unnuanced system. 83 It ‘assumes the complete hold over the migrant of traditional gender and family norms by underscoring the foreignness of … arranged marriages’. 84 Authors opposing this essentialization are quick to point out that the arranged marriage is a dynamic and highly flexible system, that is able to accommodate change, modernization, individualizing tendencies, agency, romantic love and negotiating spaces, in which especially women assume more control in their endeavours to navigate around victimization by patriarchy. 85

What these scholars are in actual fact doing, unknowingly, is trying to exhibit to the Eurocentric mind evidence that the arranged marriage resembles the autonomous marriage. These authors demonstrate that the arranged marriage is very capable of upholding choice, agency, and control. These authors preoccupy themselves with bringing those qualities in the arranged marriage to the surface of their research. Sequentially, traditional features of this marital system remain understudied.

This section will not essentialize the arranged marriage system from a Eurocentric viewpoint for it desires not to repeat the othering of the arranged marriage. It will not try to prove that the arranged marriage is a flexible modern institution able to accommodate a constant flux of variety and diversity. As valuable as an investigation of that change may be, one cannot study the arranged marriage by studying how it absorbs constant flux. ‘[W]eber defines reality as an “infinite flux” which cannot be apprehended in its totality’. 86 One cannot apprehend arranged marriage on its fundamental shared characteristics if only the constant flux and change towards autonomy dominate academic engagement.

Despite being diverse and different on individual level, there are common qualities that make a marriage an arranged marriage and thus a largely unexamined ideal type of the arranged marriage will be examined in Section III of this article. The rich diversity between cultures, countries, social and economic classes, between religions and religious denominations, between those that have migrated and those that have not, as well as the constant evolution of the arranged marriage, will be left to the efforts of other scholars. 87

At its core, all arranged marriage cultures have marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All marriage arrangers are senior members of the family or community, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures value marriage to be arranged by these senior marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate selection to be not primarily the responsibility of the marital agents, whether they share this responsibility substantially or subtly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate-selection physically and mentally risky, shameful and burdensome for the young to be engaged in, whether the young engage themselves in such matters or not. Family is placed central to marriage in all arranged marriage cultures, as they all consider marriage an alliance between families, whether or not the marital agents emphasize their conjugal alliance above that of the family’s. All arranged marriages guard against an incoming candidate harming family unity or family interests. Objective reasons for marrying are always valued as these support aforementioned family unity and interests, regardless of whether there is room for individual desire and preference. Finally, all arranged marriages are voluntarily accepted by marital agents on the basis of legitimate parental guidance and authority.

As such, all arranged marriage cultures are hierarchical cultures, as they accord different roles and responsibilities to the elders and to the younger ones of a group; they are group cultures that strongly incorporate its members through loyalty to the group and its interests; they are all driven by parental guardianship and authority, rooted in protection, providence and voluntary compliance. These principles of community, hierarchy, guardianship and authority are foundational to the ‘way of life’ 88 of the arranged marriage system, and will be explained below.

1. Arranged Marriage is a Community Oriented System

Literature frequently makes reference to arranged marriage cultures as collectivist, community oriented, occurring in extended families, whether there is individualism or not. 89 Marriage concerns the whole family and families are characteristically extended with extended kinship ties. 90 Marriage choices ‘have a far-reaching impact upon … relatives, affecting the futures and socio-economic positions of a much wider range of kin than just parents and children’. 91 Beyond the conjugal alliance, marriage creates alliances between a variety of family-members. 92 ‘Strategic marriage choices enable social mobility even within the extended kinship network.’ 93 Fox argues that arranged marriage preserves family unity, ‘by felicitous selection of the new spouse’ which ‘allows for the furtherance of political linkages and/or economic consolidation between families … it helps keep families intact over generations; and … it preserves family property within the larger kin unit’. 94 Objective selection criteria are emblematic of the families’ desire to preserve a stable family. ‘Parents usually assess the reputation, economic standing and personalities of the potential in-laws and the educational level and occupation of the potential groom or bride.’ 95 The strong emphasis on pragmatic, unromantic reasons that guide mate-selection are considered wise: the new conjugal addition must suit family background and thus fit harmoniously into its organization. 96 As such, extended families remain strong in the social order. Less attention is paid therefore to subjective love. One learns that spousal love may come as martial time goes by. 97 This need not be romantic, it may as well be love in a ‘more all-encompassing sense’. 98 Typical of group cultures is that ‘[i]ndividual choice … may be constricted either through requiring that a person be bound by group decisions or by demanding that individuals follow the rules accompanying their station in life’. 99 The individual is ‘sacrificed’. 100 ‘The tradition-directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual.’ 101 He is a ‘collective being’ not a ‘particular being’. 102 But such sacrifice ‘is more than offset by the advantages of fulfilling one’s role within the family … ’. 103

2. Arranged Marriage is a Hierarchical System

The mere fact that marriage arranging requires some element of wisdom, experience and providence, suggests hierarchy. Not everyone is suited to make marriage choices, certainly not young children and this applies to all cultures, whether autonomous or arranged. In the latter culture, arranging marriages is a responsibility bestowed upon elders, mostly parents of the marital agents. 104 Elders, given their status and rank, are considered most able, equipped, wise and well connected to undertake the grave and delicate task of mate selection. It is their proper place to screen and select mates and it is the proper place of the young to trust and respect the judgment of the elders in this regard. Pande points to a case of a young woman called Shabnam appreciating this ‘proper place’ as she would never directly go up to her parents with her marriage wishes as ‘parents deserve their izzat ’ 105 (respect NT). And while elders are given the privilege of mate selection, they do not and may not select for their own benefit, but in the best interests and the good of the group, 106 into which are incorporated the interests and the good of the marital agents. 107

Arranged marriage cultures are thus hierarchical. 108 To understand arranged marriage, is to understand hierarchy. Yet, the social principle of hierarchy does not sit well with the Western mind. 109 The western mind views society from the lens of equality and freedom and hierarchical systems lack equality and freedom. Thus arranged marriage is rejected: it is a space where parents have the ‘power’ and upper hand and ‘dominate’ in marriage choices. 110 Arranged marriage becomes nothing more than a ‘chain of command’ 111 or a ‘power hierarchy’. 112 However, as Dumont argues, this is not true hierarchy. 113 To understand hierarchy one must ‘detach … from egalitarian societies’. 114 One must view hierarchical systems on its own merits, in an organic manner. 115

‘[H]ierarchy. comes from the very functional requirements of the social bond.’ 116 Literature offers the organism, a whole or the body as a metaphor to understand hierarchical systems. 117 Hierarchy is ‘the principle by which the elements of a whole are ranked in relation to the whole’. 118 The whole body and its parts are strongly bound together by rules, 119 social control, 120 and a common value system. 121 One accepts as necessary the rank order and the fulfilment of distinct obligations—without this the whole cannot function as it is supposed to function. 122 Decisions are taken by the most able in the interests of the whole and its parts. 123 The most able are the guardians and guardianship and hierarchy are strongly intertwined. 124

Families in arranged marriage cultures are organized hierarchically, with each member aware of its own and other’s status and social ranking, 125 with each member submitting to ‘group control’ and fulfilling ‘socially imposed roles’, 126 with each member keeping in one’s proper place, honouring order, 127 and subject to a ‘hierarchized interdependence’. 128 It is deeply understood that elders arrange marriages—it is their obligation to find matches from good families, and to exercise control as to who joins the family. 129 This applies whether or not they share this task with the marital agents. ‘From the viewpoint of many parents, arranging and seeing through your children’s marriages is a primary duty, to the extent that your role as a parent is unfulfilled until this duty is accomplished.’ 130 It is ‘a matter of great family honour.’ 131 It is a necessity too as ‘marriage normally confers the statuses of wife and husband, which have been and still are regarded in many societies as necessary to being seen as an adult rather than as a child’. 132 It is only through marriage that intimate life with a stranger turned into family is legitimate. So, the young depend on the patronage of the elders. 133 Amber, a twenty-four year old student ‘sought her parent’s intervention stating it was their ‘responsibility’. 134 Elders are not to abandon this role, nor to share it with the less qualified. They too are answerable to tradition and community. 135 But they are bound also, as good guardians and figures of authority, to choose wisely and in the best interest of the child. 136 Below a further exploration will be provided on guardianship, which is ‘a standard justification for hierarchical rule’ 137 and authority which too manifests itself through hierarchical relations. 138

3. Arranged Marriage is a System of Guardianship and Parental Authority

Arranged marriage cultures thrive on authority and entrusted leadership of guardians. Though literature never does, one could call arranged marriage a rule of guardians 139 or of parental authority or an aristocratic marital system. 140 In such a system ‘rulership should be entrusted to a minority of persons who are specially qualified to govern by reason of their superior knowledge and virtue’. 141 The entrusted uphold community values, such as ‘altruism, sacrifice, love … order, security, loyalty, duty’. 142 They govern as guardians, as figures of authority. 143 Traditionally, elders are the entrusted ones. 144 And the young honour their authority. 145 The arranged marriage of Manju and Jagdesh, both from Indian middle class families, offers a good example of these notions. 146 Manju, twenty-one years old at the time and Jagdesh, twenty three, were ‘both told that they would be a good match and should marry’ and soon after their agreement, the marriage took place. 147 Or the case of Saima, a 20-year old student who says that ‘my parents will obviously find the guy for me … I trust them for it … If they come out with a decent guy and say we’d like you to marry him, I’d say yes … ’. 148 In both examples parental authority occupies a central role in match making.

A. But what exactly is authority?

‘The need for authority is basic. Children need authorities to guide and reassure them. Adults fulfil an essential part of themselves in being authorities; it is one way of expressing care for others.’ 151

‘Deeply embedded in social functions, an inalienable part of the inner order of family … ritualized at every turn, authority is so closely woven into the fabric of tradition and morality … ’. 162 As such, traditional authority is embedded in arranged marriage cultures. It ‘roots in the belief that it is ancient’. 163 In arranged marriage cultures traditionally there is trust in parental leadership. 164 One is assured that parents know what is best for their child, as they know their child, sometimes even better than the child knows itself—they see through them. 165 This inspires obedience. 166

Parental authority is a necessary component in arranged marriage systems. Marriage affects a whole family’s stability and future, so marriage choices need to be supervised. 167 The young, inexperienced and not yet wise, are traditionally not considered well trained for this task, as they may be misguided by love. 168 So, arranged marriage societies isolate the young from potential mates. 169 In addition, social control, typical for group cultures, is applied to guard behaviour. 170 Young people can easily fall prey to romantic and sexual behaviour considered disruptive to the dignity and order of the family. 171 Here then arises the necessity for elders to authorize rational mate selection. 172 Of course, this does not exclude that young people may step out of their role. If they do, shame and dishonour may be brought to the family. 173 Such youngsters are considered deviants who must be blamed, heavily punished or re-educated. 174 As such being nourished by parental authority offers security, 175 and enables moral life. 176

4. Studying Arranged Marriage Practices

The idealized typology of the arranged marriage, as a Weberian theoretical construct, demonstrates that, at the outset, arranged marriage systems are traditionally systems of community, hierarchy, guardianship, and authority. So described, the arranged marriage finds its rationality in a system that safeguards mate selection by placing this under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents with the aim to align both families in a durable relational bond, that strengthens its economic and societal standing, and that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union.

This typology is an ideal construct, in the same way the autonomous marriage is also an ideal construct. Borrowing then from William Goode who arrived at an ideal type of the conjugal family, which was also seen as an ideal , the arranged marriage as typified above is also seen as an ideal in that a ‘number of people view some of its characteristics as proper and legitimate, no matter that reality may run counter to the ideal’. 177 Elders in arranged marriage contexts all around the world consider it an ideal to take upon themselves the role of proper guardians and authorities in marriage arranging, and children, in their turn, ideally accept the parental choice, understanding that this is wisely made, that it gains its majesty in legitimate authority. All around the world, this ideal is an inspirational reference point in arranged marriage cultures.

This said, of course reality does not always represent the ideal portrayed, however inspirational. Still, the value of the ideal and the ideal type remain: this construct, even if it is an utopia, is necessary as it provides a neutral and unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage, one that is detached from a restrictive binary approach that others the arranged marriage. The ideal construct serves also as a measuring rod to study the reality of arranged marriage practices that depart from that construct. It ‘[p]rovides the basic method of comparative study’. 178

Taking a look then into these realities, one will find that, for one, elders are not always capable of arranging marriages well. ‘The notion that parents will always act in the child’s best interests is … based on an idealized interpretation of the parent/child relationship and assumes that adults will be altruistic whenever they relate to children with love, care and empathy.’ 179 Elders may not always understand what guardianship truly entails. They may confuse parental authority with the exercise of parental power, force even.

In addition, elders continuously share marriage arranging duties with their children, as the variety of semi-arranged marriage types suggest. These hybrid arranged marriage types are expressions of transformations of marital agents’ role in exercising self-determination and self-realization in marriage matters. They also reflect the changes in traditional parenthood: where once it was the elders who decided for the collective, this is now scrutinized by marital agents’ desires for freedom to (also) decide. In the words of Aguiar ‘arranged marriage has become the locus of a set of liberal and communitarian discourses that articulate competing visions of individual and collective agency’. 180 This does not always run smoothly. Elders may not always believe that transitions towards freedom and individualism are proper. Families often act as buffers against ‘too much’ individualism that is perceived as an isolating and alienating force that disrupts family cohesion and hinders traditions to be passed on from generation to generation. Many, in arranged marriage cultures, parents as well as young people, are grappling with the blended agendas of the liberal and communitarian, of the individual and the collective that are shaping arranged marriage realities. A very sensitive portrayal of an intergenerational struggle in this regard can be seen in the drama film A Fond Kiss : protagonist Casim, son of Pakistani Muslim immigrants to the UK, asks his parents to accept his love choice for Roisin, a Catholic divorcee. In their turn, his parents, emotionally destroyed and shamed by Casim’s desires, plead to their son to accept an arranged marriage to his cousin Yasmin. This Casim refuses and the family breaks up. 181

As indicated earlier, the tendency is to view such realities from a Eurocentric lens, that prizes liberalism and equality, and that advocates the individual’s rise from traditional structures as a marker of sovereignty, supported by contract, geared towards independence and freedom from authority. 182

Again, such views monopolize examination of arranged marriage, are biased, ‘culturally-determined’ and entrenched in ‘limited historical perspectives’. 183 ‘Many people in this world have registers of well-being that are not the same as degrees of freedom, measures such as duty, devotion and responsibility.’ 184 Many people do not value, experience, nor desire full independence from parental authority.

Hybrid arranged marriages are in a sense partly separated from and partly belonging to traditional as well as liberal structures. It is vital to represent and express belonging to these traditional structures in the discourse on arranged marriage. It is important to acknowledge notions of guardianship, authority, and community when one measures change and modernization in arranged marriage realities, but also when one measures distancing from that very modernization in efforts to hold on to traditions.

The current tendency, when marital agents demand a stronger role in mate selection, is to capture this in a language of freedoms, control, agency and the rising individual. This language presupposes that marital agents’ main aim is to free oneself, become independent and ultimately exit the arranged marriage system. 185 It presupposes too that marital agents are very capable of acting independently of their parents. The fact of the matter is, that many marital agents are deeply connected to a system of parental guardianship and authority, they are hierarchically interdependent with family, they cherish strong belonging to their community and understand family cohesion as a necessary component of their family’s well-being in which their well-being is integrated. Marital agents granted or demanding a role in match making, challenge in essence (part of) the authority of parents, but do not act as fully atomistic units. When parents allow their child to jointly decide with them on marriage matters, this is articulated in literature mostly as a step that invests power in the child. However, this ought to also be valued as a sharing of parental authority or guardianship with the child. Adding authority and guardianship to the conversation on the arranged marriage gives rise to a language that relates to and represents community. For instance, why do some parents share their authority, why do others not? It might be possible that some parents deem their children disciplined enough to select wisely, pointing to the principle that ‘discipline is authority in operation?’ 186 It might be that some parents believe that their children can act as their own guardians, partly or in full, given that these children are educated and skilled in ways the elders are not? Might it be that in diaspora contexts elders are searching for new meaning to traditional concepts such as authority and guardianship and need a language to cope with this hybrid dynamic rather than a language that calls upon their children to exit anything traditional? Asking and addressing such questions will contribute to a discourse on arranged marriage that respects the very foundations it is built upon. It is knowledge about these foundations that is pivotal if we wish to understand the arranged marriage proper and change in that domain.

This article argued for a full renunciation of the binary approach adopted in literature in studying arranged marriage. In the binary approach, the arranged marriage emerges as a lesser conjugal union in comparison to the ideal and prized autonomous conjugal union. Recognizing that the arranged marriage must be valued on its own merits, this article sought for an ideal typical construct of the arranged marriage, as a neutral departure point in a study of this marital system and as a tool to explore arranged marriage realities. The arranged marriage is fundamentally rooted in the sociological principles of collective belonging, parental guardianship and the protective, provident authority of elders in match making. This article calls for a fresh discourse on arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns that reflect these principles in order to arrive at a much needed and understudied fuller appreciation and conversation of a marital system that engages hundreds of millions.

In order to be as impartial as humanly possible, this article does not offer personal opinions on or preferences for the arranged or the autonomous marriage. It is of fundamental importance that any scholar on the arranged marriage system (and many other subjects for that matter) is an unbiased scholar or at least strives to be. Neither advocacy of nor opposition to the arranged marriage, and neither advocacy of nor opposition to the autonomous marriage should enter a scholar’s theories and findings. A scholar’s role is not to express any preference for either system, it is not to value one system as better than the other, it is to become independent from any prejudice of one over the other

This article is based on, The Arranged Marriage – Changing Perspectives on a Marital Institution (Unpublished Dissertation Utrecht University) Utrecht, 2019.

Authors referring to this binary are eg F. Shariff, ‘Towards a Transformative Paradigm in the UK Response to Forced Marriages’ (2012) 21 (4) Social and Legal Studies 549–65; M. Aguiar, Arranging Marriage, Conjugal Agency in The South Asian Diaspora (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2018); R. Pande, ‘Geographies of Marriage and Migration: Arranged Marriages and South Asians in Britain’ (2014) 8 (2) Geography Compass 75–86; S. Anitha and A. Gill, ‘Coercion, Consent and the Forced Marriage Debate in the UK’ (2009) 17 Feminist Legal Studies 165–84; M. Khandelwal, ‘Arranging Love: Interrogating the Vantage Point in Cross-Border Feminism’ (2009) 34 (3) Signs 583–609; F. Ahmad, ‘Graduating Towards Marriage? Attitudes Towards Marriage and Relationships among University-educated British Muslim Women’ (2012) 13 Culture and Religion 193–210.

M. Weber, Gesammelte Aufsätze zur Wissenschafslehre (Tübingen: J.C.B. Mohr, 1988) p. 191.

Notably, H. Arendt, Between Past and Future (New York: Penguin Books, 1977); M. Douglas, ‘Cultural Bias’ in M. Douglas (ed.), The Active Voice (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1982), as referred to by Thompson et al., Cultural Theory (Boulder, San Francisco: Westview Press, 1990); Thompson et al. ibid; M. Douglas, Risk and Blame (London, New York: Routledge, 1992); R.A. Dahl, Democracy and its Critics (New Have: Yale University, 1989); L. Dumont, Homo Hierarchicus (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980); R.A. Nisbet, The Quest for Community (California: ICS Press, 1990); R.A. Nisbet, The Sociological Tradition (London: Heinemann Educational Books Ltd, 1966); R. Sennett, Authority (New York: W.W. Norton, 1980).

For origins of the term ‘arranged marriage’ see Aguiar (n 1) 14.

‘Autonomous marriage’ is used in I.L. Reiss, Family Systems in America (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1976) as referred to by G.R. Lee and L. Hemphill Stone, ‘Mate-Selection Systems and Criteria: Variation according to Family Structure’ (1980) 42 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 319–26, 319.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1); Aguiar (n 1); Pande (n 1); Khandelwal (n 1).

Shariff (n 1) 556, on binary between consent and coercion.

Compare Ahmad (n 1) 194; see also Pande (n 1) 82; see also Aguiar (n 1) 14.

Nisbet 1990 (n 4) pp. 3–4; A.J. Cherlin, ‘Goode's “World Revolution and Family Patterns”: A Reconsideration at Fifty Years’ (2012) 38 (4) Population and Development Review 577–607, 580, 581; see for progress towards the atomistic family C.C. Zimmerman, Family and Civilization (Wilmington Delaware: ISI Books, 2008) pp. 124, 247–49; in general on progress see J.B. Bury, The Idea of Progress (New York: Cosimo Classics, 2008); R.A. Nisbet, History of the Idea of Progress (New York: Basic Book, Inc. Publishers, 1980); see also Arendt (n 4) 100, 101 on progress theory.

See S. Coontz, Marriage, a History, How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Group, 2005) p. 25; See for more on this evolution J. Witte Jr., From Sacrament to Contract , Marriage, Religion, and Law in the Western Tradition (Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) pp. 194–215.

X. Xiaohe and M. King Whyte, ‘Love Matches and Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication’ (1990) 52 (3) Journal of Marriage and the Family 709–22, 709.

See for these terms W.J. Goode, World Revolution and Family Patterns (New York: The Macmillan Company, 1970) p. 1, and Zimmerman (n 10) pp. 30–36.

A. Thornton, Reading History Sideways: The Fallacy and the Enduring Impact of the Developmental Paradigm on Family Life (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2005), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also, K. Allendorf and R.K. Pandian, ‘The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India’ (2016) 42 (3) Population and Development Review 435–464, 435.

Cherlin (n 10) 581.

Allendorf and Pandian (n 14) 435.

Thornton (n 14), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 593.

Cherlin (n 10) 594.

On the ‘convergence theory’, see Goode (n 13) and Cherlin (n 10); on ‘developmental paradigm’ see Thorntan (n 14) as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also A. Shaw, A Pakistani Community in Britain (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1988) pp. 2, 3 on the expected disappearance of Pakistani migrants’ culture.

M. Enright, ‘Choice, Culture and the Politics of Belonging: The Emerging Law of Forced and Arranged Marriage’ (2009) 72 (3) The Modern Law Review 331–59, 338.

R. Pande, ‘Becoming Modern: British-Indian Discourses of Arranged Marriages’ (2016) 17 (3) Social & Cultural Geography 380–400, 384; see on consequence of ‘othering’ of migrants, Pande (n 1) 75; Shariff (n 1) 562.

E. Said, Orientalism (New York: Penguin, 1978) as referred to by S.R. Moosavinia et al, ‘Edward Said’s Orientalism and the Study of the Self and the Other in Orwell’s Burmese Days’ (2011) 2 (1) Studies in Literature and Language 103–13, 104.

Pande (n 21) 384.

Moosavinia et al, (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

P.J. Gagoomal, ‘A “Margin of Appreciation” for “Marriages of Appreciation”: Reconciling South Asian Adult Arranged Marriages with the Matrimonial Consent Requirement in International Human Rights Law’ (2009) 97 The Georgetown Law Journal 589–620, 601; compare Shariff (n 1) 557.

E.g.: ‘I fled in just the clothes I was wearing’: How one Muslim woman escaped arranged marriage, Mirror , 17 September 2012; L. Harding, ‘Student Saved from Arranged Marriage’, The Guardian , 14 March 2000, as referred to by R. Penn, ‘Arranged Marriages in Western Europe: Media Representations and Social Reality’ (2011) 42 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 637–50, 639, for more examples, see 639–41; see also Aguiar (n 1) 11, 12.

Enright (n 20) 332; Shariff (n 1) 557; Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; G. Gangoli et al, Forced Marriage and Domestic Violence among South Asian Communities in North East England (Bristol: University of Bristol, Northern Rock Foundation, 2006), as referred to by Anitha and Gill (n 1) 167.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), G.A. Res. 217A, (III), U.N. Doc A/810, 10 December 1948, Article 16 (2); International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), GA. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 23 (3); International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR), G.A. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 10 (1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11–13, see also Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11, 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 13, 14; Shariff (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 338.

UDHR (n 28); ICCPR (n 28); ICESCR (n 28).

Aguiar (n 1) 13.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611.

R.W. Hodge and N. Ogawa, ‘Arranged Marriages, Assortative Mating and Achievement in Japan,’ in Nihon University Population Research Institute, Research Paper, Series No. 1986, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 601.

Shariff (n 1) 562; see also Anitha and Gill.

Shariff (n 1) 557.

Aguiar (n 1) 67; see also Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; see also Thompson et al, (n 4) 7 on the ‘individualistic social context’.

See for a slightly different categorization R.B. Qureshi, ‘Marriage Strategies among Muslims from South Asia’ 1991 10 (3) The American Journal of Islamic Social Sciences , as referred to by A.U. Zaidi and M. Shuraydi, ‘Perceptions of Arranged Marriages by Young Pakistani Muslim Women Living in a Western Society’ 2002 33 (4) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 495–514, 496.

Qureshi (n 43) as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; Gagoomal (n 25) 592; Cherlin (n 10) 589; see also for modified traditional types, Shariff (n 1) 558; H. Siddiqui, ‘Review: Winning Freedoms’ (1991) 37 Feminist Review 78, 81, as referred to by Enright (n 20) 340, ft 45; see also R. Pande, ‘I Arranged my Own Marriage': Arranged Marriages and Post-colonial Feminism’ (2015) 22 (2) Gender, Place & Culture 172–87, 175; S.P. Wakil et al, ‘Between Two Cultures: A Study in Socialization of Children of Immigrants’ (1981) 43 (4) Journal of Marriage and Family 929–40, 935; see also Ahmad (n 1).

Qureshi (n 43), as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; S.A. Patel, An Exploratory Study of Arranged-Love Marriage in Couples From Collective Cultures (Dissertation Northern Illinois University, Ann Arbor: ProQuest LLC) 2016, 10; J. Kapur, ‘An Arranged Love Marriage: India’s Neoliberal turn and the Bollywood Wedding Culture Industry’ (2009) 2 Communication, Culture, and Critique 221–33, as referred to by Patel 10; Cherlin (n 10) 590; Shariff (n 1) 558.

Shariff (n 1) 558; S. Seymour, Women, Family, and Child Care in India: A World in Transition (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999) p. 212, as referred to by Kandelwal (n 1) 595; K. Kezuka, ‘Late Marriage and Transition from Arranged Marriages to Love Matches: A Search-theoretic Approach’ 2018 42 (2) The Journal of Mathematical Sociology 237–56, 237; N.D. Manglos-Weber and A.A. Weinreb, ‘Own-Choice Marriage and Fertility in Turkey’ (2017) 79 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 372–89, 373; Pande (n 21) 389.

Shariff (n 1) 558, who refers to M. Stopes-Roe and R. Cochrane, Citizens of this Country: The Asian-British (Clevedon: Multilingual Matters, 1990).

Ahmad (n 1) 195, 200; M.J. Bhatti, Questioning Empowerment: Pakistani Women, Higher Education & Marriage (Dissertation University at Buffalo, State University of New York, 2013) 153.

R. Huch, ‘Romantic Marriage’, in H. Keyserling ed., The Book of Marriage: A New Interpretation by Twenty-four Leaders of Contemporary thought (New York: Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1926) pp. 168, 177, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 607/n 112.

S. Davé, ‘Matchmakers and Cultural Compatibility: Arranged Marriage, South Asians, and American television’ (2012) 10 (2) South Asian Popular Culture 167–83, 168.

F.B. Ternikar, Revisioning the Ethnic Family: An Analysis of Marriage Patterns Among Hindu, Muslim, and Christian South Asian Immigrants (Dissertation, Chicago, Illinois, August 2004) 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 206, see also 207.

See among others Ahmad (n 1) and Aguiar (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 331, italics added.

Pande (n 21) 384, italics added, referring to the Oxford English Dictionary.

K. Charsley and A. Shaw, ‘South Asian Transnational Marriages in Comparative Perspective’ (2006) 6 (4) Global Networks 331–44, 335; Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; see also Penn (n 26) 637.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43), 496 (italics omitted).

D. Riesman et al, The Lonely Crowd: A Study of the American Changing Character (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1961) p. 17.

A. Shaw, ‘Kinship, Cultural Preference and Immigration: Consanguineous Marriage Among British Pakistanis’ (2001) 7 (2) Royal Anthropological Institute 315–34, 323.

G.W. Jones, Changing Marriage Patterns in Asia (Working Paper, Asia Research Institute, Series 131, 2010) 4.

P. Wood, ‘Marriage and Social Boundaries among British Pakistanis’ (2011) 20 (1) Diaspora 40–64, 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 200.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338; Khandelwal (n 1).

Davé (n 50) 167, 168.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338.

M. Aguiar, ‘Cultural Regeneration in Transnational South-Asian Popular Culture’ (2013) 84 Cultural Critique (2013) 181–214, 183.

Aguiar (n 1) 7.

A. Patel, ‘Marriage, then Love — Why Arranged Marriages Still Work Today,’ Global News , 26 July 2018.

K. Qureshi et al, ‘Marital Instability among British Pakistanis: Transnationality, Conjugalities and Islam’ (2014) 37 (2) Ethnic and Racial Studies 261–79, 276.

Pande (n 1) 75; for more on this love see K. Bejanyan et al, ‘Associations of Collectivism with Relationship Commitment, Passion, and Mate Preferences: Opposing Roles of Parental Influence and Family Allocentrism’ (2015) 10 (2) PLoS ONE 1–24, 3; Goode (n 13) 9, 12; Coontz (n 11) 149; Compare Zimmerman (n 10) 39.

R.A. Nisbet, Twilight of Authority (Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, Inc. 2000) 235.

C.S. Lewis, ‘The Four Loves’ in C.S. Lewis (ed.), Selected Books (London: Harper Collins, 1999) pp. 5, 15.

A. de Tocqueville, La Démocratie en Amérique (Paris: Gallimard, 1961, 2 vols.), English Translation by H. Reeve: Democracy in America (London: 1875) as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17.

Compare the ideal type of the conjugal family, Goode (n 13) 7.

Weber (n 3) 191, translation by H. Ross, Law as a Social Institution (Oxford: Hart Publishing, 2001) p. 34.

L.A. Coser, Masters of Sociological Thought (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1977) p. 223.

Compare Goode (n 13) 7.

Khandelwal (n 1) 584, 586, 605.

Ahmad (n 1) p. 194; Pande (n 21) p. 384; see also R. Mohammad, ‘Transnational Shift: Marriage, Home and belonging for British-Pakistani Muslim Women’ (2015) 16 (6) Social & Cultural Geography 593–614, 596.

Pande (n 44) 172, 183; Pande (n 21) 384.

Khandelwal (n 1); Ahmad (n 1); Pande (n 1); Mohammad (n 83); Pande (n 44) 181.

S.J. Hekman, Weber, the Ideal Type, and Contemporary Social Theory (New York: University of Notre Dame Press, 1983) p. 20.

For existing analyses on the topic, see Goode (n 13); D. Mace and V. Mace, Marriage East and West (London: Macgibbon and Kee, 1960); for marriages and caste in India, see Dumont (n 4); for Pakistani immigrants in Oxford and arranged marriages, see Shaw (n 19); see also Pande (n 45); Ahmad (n 1); Aguiar (n 1).

Thompson et al (n 4) 1.

See e.g. Aguiar (n 1) 15, 25, 139–44; G.L. Fox, ‘Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara, Turkey’ (1975) 37 (1) Journal of Marriage and Family 180–93, 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Kezuka (n 46).

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320: see also Mate selection theories, Encyclopaedia of Sociology, The Gale Group Inc., Encyclopedia.com: https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/mateselection-theories (last visited 14 July 2019).

Shaw (n 60) 325.

See eg Goode (n 13) pp. 240, 241; R.O. Blood, The Family (New York: Free Press, 1972) pp. 293–96, as referred to by Fox (n 89) 187.

A. Shaw, ‘Drivers of Cousin Marriage among British Pakistanis’ (2014) 77 Human Heredity 26–36, 31.

Fox (n 89) 181.

Shaw (n 93) 31.

See also Fox (n 89) 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611; Lewis (n 74) 5, 15 in general on gift-love.

Thompson et al. (n 4) 6, referring to the grid-group analysis.

Tocqueville vol 2 (n 76) 90–92, as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17; Shaw (n 19) 6.

Riesman et al (n 59) 17.

Dumont (n 4) 7.

Shaw (n 19) 6, referring to immigrant Pakistanis.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Pande (n 44) 177.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320 see also Fox (n 89) 181.

See for various examples Gagoomal (n 25) 615, 617, 618.

G.P. Monger, Marriage Customs of the World: From Henna to Honeymoon (Santa Barbara, California: ABC-CLIO, 2004) 13.

Dumont (n 4) 2, 239, 19, 20; Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Jones (n 62) 4; Wood (n 63) 40–64, 41.

P. Crone, Pre-Industrial Societies (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 2003) p. 99; Dumont (n 3) 19.

Dumont (n 4) 19.

Ibid., 17, 2.

Compare Crone (n 111) p. 104 on an organic view of society.

Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Dumont (n 4) 66, 240, 243, 244; Crone (n 111) pp. 99, 107; Thompson et al (n 4) 59.

Dumont (n 4) 66.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6.

Ibid., (n 4) 6.

T. Parsons, ‘A Revised Analytical Approach to the Theory of Social Stratification’ in R. Bendix et al (eds.), Class, Status and Power (London: Glencoe, 1954), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Dumont (n 4) 17–19; see in general on guardianship Dahl (n 4) 52–64, 73.

Parsons (n 121), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19, see also 239, 240.

Dahl (n 4) 52.

Monger (n 108) 13.

Crone (n 111) p. 105, who refers to pre-industrial societies and hierarchy.

Dumont (n 4) 18.

M. Shams Uddin, ‘Arranged Marriage: A Dilemma for Young British Asians’ (2006) 3 Diversity in Health and Social Care 211–19, 211; F.M. Critelli, ‘Between Law and Custom: Women, Family Law and Marriage in Pakistan’ (2012) 43 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 673–93, 677; Fox (n 90) 186,181.

Shaw (n 60) 324.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211.

G.R. Quale, ‘A history of marriage systems’ in Contributions in Family Studie s, Issue 13 (Westport, US: Greenwood press, 1988) 2.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18; see also Sennett (n 4) 126.

Ahmad (n 1) 201; in a similar vein see Mohammad (n 83) 603; see also Wakil et al (n 44) 936 on this responsibility.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18, 17.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II (London: Everyman’s Library, 1994) 196.

Arendt (n 4) 93.

On guardianship see Dahl (n 4) 52.

On aristocracy see Tocqueville II (n 76), see Dumont (n 4) p. 18.

See for an explanation on tradition and authority, M. Weber, The Theory of Social and Economic Organization , A.M. Henderson and T. Parsons (trans.), T. Parsons (ed.) (New York: Oxford University Press, 1947) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142.

Compare Pande (n 44) 177; Shams Uddin (n 129) 211; Ahmad (n 1) 201 on trust and respect for parents.

Gagoomal (n 25) 589, 590.

Ibid., 590.

Ahmad (n 1) 201.

Arendt (n 4) 92.

Sennett (n 4) 15; see also Arendt (n 4) 92.

Weber (n 144) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142; Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Arendt (n 4) 93, 103.

Sennett (n 4) 18; Arendt (n 4) 93.

Sennett (n 4) 15–22.

Sennett (n 4) 16.

Arendt (n 4) 111; Weber, as referred to by Sennet (n 4) 22.

Weber, without further reference, as referred to by Sennett (n 4) 22.

Derived from Sennett (n 4) 19.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 107, 108.

Ibid., 142.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211: Ahmad (n 3) 201.

MTV Documentary, True Life: I'm Having an Arranged Marriage , 2007, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 617; Pande (n 21) 387; Gagoomal (n 25) 615; see also Sennett (n 4) 17 on a conductor that sees through members of the orchestra.

Sennett (n 4) 17.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Fox (n 89) 181.

See W.J. Goode, ‘The Theoretical Importance of Love’ (1959) 24 (1) American Sociological Review 38–47, 43–46; compare also Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; H. Papanek, ‘Purdah in Pakistan: Seclusion and Modern Occupations for Women’ (1971) 33 (3) Journal of Marriage and Family 517–30, 520.

Goode (n 168) 43; Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Shams Uddin (n 129) 212.

See for more Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; Papanek (n 169) 520.

F. Bari, Country briefing paper: Women in Pakistan, Asian Development Bank July 2000. http://www.adb.org/Documents/Books/Country_Briefing_Papers/Women in Pakistan , as referred to by Critelli (n 129) 677; Shaw (n 60) 330; see also Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

Thompson et al (n 4) 59; see also in general on shame, N.P. Gilani, ‘Conflict Management of Mothers and Daughters Belonging to Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultural Backgrounds: A Comparative Study’ 1999 22 Journal of Adolescence 853–65, 854, 855; Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II , 298, 303, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 114.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 151.

Goode (n 13) 7.

Coser (n 80) 223.

C. Breen, Age Discrimination and Children’s Rights. Ensuring Equality and Acknowledging Difference (Leiden: Brill Nijhoff, 2006) as referred to by A. van Coller, ‘Child Marriage – Acceptance by Association’ (2017) 31 International Journal of Law, Policy and The Family 363–76, 369.

Aguiar (n 1) 215.

Film A Fond Kiss , Ken Loach 2004; see also the Film What Will People Say , Iram Haq 2017 on a similar intergenerational struggle between an immigrant Pakistani father and his daughter in Sweden.

Derived from Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 116.

Moosavinia et al (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

S. Mahmood, Politics of Piety: The Islamic Revival and the Feminist Subject (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2011), as referred to by Aguiar (n 1) 219.

For more on this exit see Anitha and Gill (n 3) 176–80; Shariff (n 3) 550, 551, 553, 561, 562.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 150.

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The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India

Keera allendorf.

Department of Sociology, Indiana University, 1020 E. Kirkwood Ave Bloomington, IN 47405 (812)855-1540

Roshan K. Pandian

Department of Sociology, Indiana University

This article evaluates whether arranged marriage declined in India from 1970 to 2012. Specifically, the authors examine trends in spouse choice, the length of time spouses knew each other prior to marriage, intercaste marriage, and consanguineous marriage at the national level, as well as by region, urban residence, and religion/caste. During this period, women were increasingly active in choosing their own husbands, spouses meeting on their wedding day decreased, intercaste marriage rose, and consanguineous marriage fell. However, many of these changes were modest in size and substantial majorities of recent marriages still show the hallmarks of arranged marriage. Further, instead of displacing parents, young women increasingly worked with parents to choose husbands collectively. Rather than unilateral movement towards Western marriage practices, as suggested by theories of family change and found in other Asian contexts, these trends point to a hybridization of customary Western and Indian practices.

Modernization theory predicted that the great diversity of family behaviors found in non-Western countries would converge towards the Western nuclear model under the influence of industrialization and urbanization ( Adams 2010 ; Goode 1963 ; McDonald 1993 ). Following this prediction, arranged marriage – a practice found largely in Asia and Africa in which parents and other family members select their children’s spouses – was expected to be replaced by Western style marriage, in which young people choose their own spouses.

This predicted decline of arranged marriage is usually conceptualized as a change in spouse choice, but it also points to other marital changes. In arranged marriages, parents customarily choose a spouse based on the caste/ethnicity, religion, and social and economic standing of the prospective spouse and their family and there is little to no contact between the prospective spouses prior to marriage. In the Western model of marriage, young people choose their own spouses on the basis of individual compatibility or love, usually gained through interactions before marriage ( Macfarlane 1986 ; Thornton 2009 ). Thus, a decline of arranged marriage likely signals declines in the importance of ethnicity/caste, religion, and other aspects of the status of a prospective spouse and their family. It also implies increases in contact between prospective spouses before marriage and the importance of love or interpersonal compatibility.

Many predictions of family change found within modernization theory have been discredited, yet the theory continues to be influential. Non-western families have not uniformly converged towards the Western model and the Western nuclear family itself has undergone substantial changes in recent decades ( Cherlin 2012 ). Yet, in many places, some of the family changes predicted by modernization theory have occurred, including widespread increases in age at marriage and declines in fertility ( Bryant 2007 ; Ortega 2014 ; Raymo et al. 2015 ). Further, recent research on family change, including assessments of transitions from joint to nuclear families and early to late marital timing, is shaped by modernization theory ( Bongaarts and Zimmer 2002 ; Buttenheim and Nobles 2009 ; Niranjan, Nair and Roy 2005 ; Ruggles 2009 ).

A more recent theory of family change, developmental idealism theory, suggests that modernization theory itself is a driver of family change ( Thornton 2001 , 2005 ). According to developmental idealism theory, the values and beliefs found in modernization theory – including the valuation of Western family behaviors as good and modern and the beliefs that such behaviors are causes and consequences of development – have spread around the world. As people encounter and endorse these schemas, known collectively as developmental idealism, they increasingly adopt the Western family practices that match those schemas. Thus, while modernization theory points to economic drivers and developmental idealism highlights ideational forces, both predict the decline of arranged marriage.

An important first step in evaluating these theories relevance to marital change is establishing the extent to which arranged marriage has declined around the world. The existing empirical record suggests that parts of Asia and Africa have experienced substantial declines in arranged marriage. A small set of survey-based studies document declines in Kyrgyzstan ( Nedoluzhko and Agadjanian 2015 ), Nepal ( Axinn, Ghimire and Barber 2008 ; Ghimire et al. 2006 ), China ( Xu and Whyte 1990 ; Zang 2007 ), Taiwan ( Thornton, Chang and Lin 1994 ), Japan ( Retherford and Ogawa 2006 ), Indonesia ( Malhotra 1997 ), Malaysia ( Jones 1994 ), Sri Lanka ( Caldwell 1999 ), and Togo ( Meekers 1995 ). For example, in Japan, the percent of women who had an arranged marriage fell from 60% among those married in the late 1950s to nearly zero in the early 2000s ( Retherford and Ogawa 2006 :17). Similarly, in Togo, the percent of women who had an arranged marriage fell from 46% among those married in the 1960s to 24% among those married in the 1980s ( Meekers 1995 ). More broadly, ethnographic studies indicate that the valuation of love and choice, which are hallmarks of Western marriage, are increasingly salient to marriage in a wide range of settings ( Cole and Thomas 2009 ; Harkness and Khaled 2014 ; Hirsch 2003 ; Hirsch and Wardlow 2006 ; Marsden 2007 ; Rebhun 1999 ; Yan 2003 ).

However, it is difficult to rigorously evaluate the extent of change in arranged marriage at global, regional, and even national scales. Measures of spouse choice and related behaviors are not standardly included in nationally representative surveys, such as the Demographic and Health Surveys. In turn, there are many countries for which no data are available. Further, many of the studies listed above use samples that are representative of cities or other localities within countries. Thus, many of the trends documented with available data cannot be generalized to countries as a whole.

This article aims to contribute to the empirical record by assessing whether arranged marriage has declined in India. Specifically, we examine changes from 1970 to 2012 in spouse choice, intercaste marriage, consanguineous marriage, and the length of time spouses knew each other prior to marriage. We examine trends in each of these behaviors at the national level, but also investigate variation by region, urban residence, and religion/caste. To our knowledge, this is the first study to assess the extent of change in arranged marriage at the national level in India.

India is a profoundly important context for understanding trends in arranged marriage. The kinship system, particularly among Hindus in the North, is strongly tied to arranged marriage, which sustains the patrilineal and patrilocal family system and the caste system ( Karve 1965 ; Kolenda 1987 ). In fact, Jones (2010) classifies North India as the region that is most tied to arranged marriage in all of Asia. In addition to its theoretical relevance, the size of the population makes India a dominant force in broader regional and even global patterns. The Indian population numbers 1.3 billion, making it home to 18% of the world’s population ( United Nations 2015 ).

Research on India itself further points to the need for better understanding of marital trends. Many studies suggest that the institution of arranged marriage may be under threat or is at least perceived to be so. Apparent growth in what are known colloquially as “love marriages” are described in ethnographic studies from Haryana ( Chowdhry 2007 ), Delhi ( Mody 2008 ), West Bengal ( Allendorf 2013 ), Ladakh ( Aengst 2014 ), Gujarat ( Netting 2009 ), and Andhra Pradesh ( Still 2011 ). In summarizing a collection of marriage ethnographies, Kaur and Patliwala (2014 :9) conclude that “the articulated rules of partner selection have become muddied with the espousal of new ‘modern’ values of ‘love’ and ‘choice.’ Further, in keeping with developmental idealism theory, Uberoi (2006) notes that it is widely anticipated that arranged marriage will inevitably decline with India’s modernization. One Indian journalist was so convinced that the Indian family is growing to resemble the Western family that she travelled to Great Britain to witness there the supposed future of the Indian family up close ( Prasad 2006 ). Young people choosing their own spouses for love is also commonly depicted in the mass media and popular Bollywood movies ( Dwyer 2000 ; Uberoi 2006 ).

Other studies indicate that there are few, if any, changes in the dominance of arranged marriage in India. In an ethnography from Tamil Nadu, Fuller and Narasimhan (2008) suggest that the potential for interpersonal compatibility is now taken into account by parents when choosing spouses, but the broader practice of arranged marriage remains intact. In their classic article on the causes of marital change in South India, Caldwell and colleagues (1983) did not include a decline of arranged marriage among the titular changes, which instead comprised a growing surplus of brides, transition from bridewealth to dowry, and rise in women’s age at marriage. While they did describe a decline in consanguineous marriage at their fieldsite in Karnataka, they emphatically noted that “there is no claim of any decline in the significance of arranged marriage” ( Caldwell, Reddy and Caldwell 1982 :706). Most compellingly, less than 5% of women surveyed in the 2005 Indian Human Development Survey had the “primary role in choosing their husbands” ( Desai and Andrist 2010 :675). This measure of the stock of arranged marriages in 2005 does not directly assess the flow of arranged marriages in recent decades, but it does illustrate that arranged marriage must still be highly relevant in India.

Our data comprise the only source of nationally representative data on arranged marriage, the Indian Human Development Survey (IHDS). Specifically, we draw on both waves of the IHDS, the first collected in 2004–05 (IHDS-I) and the second in 2011–12 (IHDS-II) ( Desai et al. 2007 ; Desai, Vanneman, and NCAER 2015 ). Together, these two waves comprise a panel study. The IHDS-I sample comprised 41,554 households, 83% of which were re-interviewed in IHDS-II. IHDS-II covered 42,152 households, including original IHDS-I households, households that split from original households, and a replacement sample of an additional 2,134 households.

Retrospective reports of marriage were collected in both waves from ever married women aged 15–49 residing in the selected households. Our analytical sample comprises 46,010 of these women, including 32,280 interviewed in IHDS-I and 13,730 interviewed only in IHDS-II. Since higher order marriages are rare in India and can differ in important ways from first marriages, we restricted our analysis to first marriages to ensure that trends over time are unaffected by changes in the composition of the sample by marriage order. Thus, we dropped the 988 women who had been married more than once and whose marriage reports referred to higher order marriages. We also restricted our analysis to those married in 1970 or later, dropping 270 women who married before 1970. An additional 365 women were excluded from the analytical sample because they were missing information for key variables. We should also note that the variable denoting if women were related to their husband by blood was missing in 1,258 cases. Thus, our analytical sample is further limited to 44,752 women for consanguineous marriage.

The absence of men in the sample may present a bias for estimates of spouse choice and possibly intercaste marriage. Surveys from other parts of Asia show that women exercise lower levels of spouse choice than men ( Allendorf and Thornton 2015 ; Malhotra 1991 ). Ethnographic studies also suggest that men have more choice over their marriage in India as well ( Allendorf 2013 ; Caldwell et al. 1983 ). Thus, our results likely underestimate the amount of choice exercised by the population of women and men as a whole. The other behaviors we examine, namely intercaste marriage, consanguineous marriage, and how long spouses knew each other before marriage, should be couple-level characteristics. Thus, using only women’s reports should not present a bias for the other behaviors. However, in a survey in neighboring Nepal, women reported substantially lower levels of intercaste marriage than men ( Allendorf and Thornton 2015 ). If this finding is indicative of a broader regional pattern, the results presented here would also underestimate intercaste marriage.

Our measure of spouse choice is based on two questions. Women were first asked, “Who chose your husband?” with response options: 1) respondent herself, 2) respondent and parents/other relatives together, 3) parents or other relatives alone, or 4) other. Women who said their parents/other relatives alone chose their husband or chose the “other” option were also asked a yes or no, follow-up question: “Did you have any say in choosing him?” Using responses to both questions, we divided women’s choice spectrum into three categories. At one end of the spectrum are self-choice marriages, comprising all women in the “respondent herself” category for the first question. At the other end, are women who had no say in the choice, instead their parents (and/or others) chose their husbands by themselves. This category includes all women who said their parents/relatives or someone else chose their husband in the first question and said they had no say in response to the follow-up question. The third category includes all women between these extremes of choosing by themselves and having so say at all. This intermediate category includes the women who said that both they and their parents (or someone else) chose their husband together, as well as women who initially said that their parents (or someone else) chose, but when asked the follow-up question said they did have a say.

Our measure of length of acquaintanceship is taken verbatim from one question: “How long had you known your husband before you married him?” Response options included: 1) [met] on wedding or gauna (day of cohabitation) only, 2) less than one month, 3) more than one month, but less than one year, 4) more than one year, and 5) since childhood. We collapsed those who said “since childhood” into the “more than one year” category, but otherwise retained all response options.

It is important to note that there is ambiguity in this measure of length of acquaintanceship. We presume that most women interpreted “knowing” as meeting their (future) husband in person, but the interpretation may well have varied. As seen below, relatively large numbers of women reported meeting on their wedding day, even when they also said they chose their husbands by themselves. Thus, some women may have had more stringent interpretations of knowing, such as spending time in person without other people present or having some type of sustained contact. This ambiguity may also have been compounded by the translation of the questionnaire into several different languages; some languages may have had different implications for the meaning of “knowing.” It’s also possible that social desirability motivated some women to report meeting on their wedding day when they actually met earlier. Some evidence supporting this ambiguity and social desirability is found in the second round of the IHDS. In IHDS-II, women were also asked about additional contact with their (future) husband, including whether they had a chance to meet their husband before the marriage was fixed. Some responses to this question and the other question on how long they knew their husband before marriage appear to conflict. Specifically, 12% of the women who said they met on their wedding day, also said they did meet their husband before the marriage was fixed.

We should also emphasize that even if they did meet only on their wedding day, women may still have seen their husbands before marriage and had contact by email, letter, or phone. In the additional questions that appeared only in IHDS-II, women were asked whether they had talked on the phone, seen a photograph, or sent an email or internet chat before the marriage was fixed. Of those who said they met on their wedding day, 8% talked on the phone, 1% exchanged e-mail or internet chat, and 18% had seen his photo. Thus, some of the women who met on their wedding day may have developed feelings or expectations about their husband before marriage based on this type of contact.

Consanguineous marriage is the marriage of blood relatives. Thus, the measure is based on the question, “Are you related to your husband by blood?” All women who said yes are categorized as having a consanguineous marriage. Unlike the other marital behaviors we examine, consanguineous marriage is not customary across India. A preference for cross-cousin marriage, as well as marriage to uncles or other blood relatives, is only part of the southern kinship system ( Dyson and Moore 1983 ; Karve 1965 ; Trautman 1981 ). Conversely, in the North, a blood relative is customarily not an acceptable spouse.

The measure of intercaste marriage is women’s subjective assessment that the two castes are different. Specifically, all women who said “no” to: “Is your husband’s family the same caste ( jati ) as your natal family?” It’s important to note that assessments of whether two castes ( jatis ) are the same can and does vary across individuals ( Allendorf 2013 ; Beteille 1969 ). One person may say that two castes of similar origin and/or rank are the same, while another would say they are not. Thus, as noted above in the discussion of gender differences in Nepal, there is some ambiguity in this measure. Women may also under report intercaste marriage because of social desirability. These two limitations should work in opposite directions, however. We expect that women would take larger-grained views of caste for more recent marriages, which would reduce reporting of intercaste marriage for more recent marriages. At the same time, if the stigma of intercaste marriage is lessening over time and social desirability bias is declining, we would expect reporting of intercaste marriage to be higher for more recent marriages.

We measure change over time with marriage cohort. Specifically, we categorize women into four groups based on the calendar year in which their marriage took place, including 1970–79, 1980–89, 1990–99, and 2000–12. This approach can pose a truncation problem because survey data are limited to marriages experienced by women captured in the survey ( Thornton 1994 ). In a context like India, with a relatively young age at marriage, the earliest marriage cohorts are missing women who married at younger ages. We dropped the women who were married prior to 1970 to reduce this truncation. We also use marriage cohort, rather than birth cohort, because it is a better approximation of a period measure and is subject to less truncation. However, we present national level results for both birth and marital cohorts in an appendix .

Connections among Marital Behaviors

Before examining trends over time, we first investigate the connections between spouse choice and the other three marital behaviors. As described above, while arranged marriage is often conceptualized as spouse choice, it is connected to caste endogamy, consanguineous marriage (in some contexts), and interaction prior to marriage. If these behaviors are tightly connected, a change in one behavior would inevitably result in a corresponding change in another. Conversely, if they are only loosely related, then changes in one may lead to little or no change in another. Thus, understanding the connections among the marital behaviors informs understanding of marital trends.

The distribution of spouse choice by the length of time women were acquainted with their husbands prior to marriage appears in Figure 1 . As expected, women with more choice were acquainted with their husbands for longer periods of time. 42% of women who chose on their own met their husbands more than a year before marriage. In contrast, only 13% of women who chose jointly with their parents and 5% of women whose parents chose met their husbands more than a year prior to marriage. There are also striking differences between women who selected jointly with their parents and those who had no say in the intermediate categories. 88% of women whose parents alone chose met their husbands only on their wedding day, while 58% of women who chose jointly did so. Further, even over a third of women who chose by themselves only met on their wedding day. Thus, little to no interaction with husbands prior to marriage appears to be common among all women.

Distribution of length of acquaintanceship by spouse choice

The distribution of intercaste and consanguineous marriage by spouse choice appears in Figure 2 . Spouse choice is closely connected to caste endogamy with self-choice marriages standing out markedly from the other two categories. 17% of self-chosen marriages are intercaste, while less than 5% of marriages in which parents were involved are intercaste. Thus, as expected, parents are much more likely than their daughters to follow the custom of caste endogamy when selecting husbands. Women may also be less likely to approach their parents for approval of a potential marriage when they have an intercaste partner.

Distributions of intercaste and consanguineous marriage by spouse choice

Consanguineous marriage, on the other hand, does not show the expected pattern. We expected consanguineous marriage to be more common when parents chose husbands. However, women who chose husbands jointly with their parents are the most likely to be related to their husbands at 13% ( Figure 2 ). Only 5% of women whose parents chose and 11% of women who chose husbands by themselves are related to their husbands by blood. Thus, marriages in which women chose by themselves are more likely to be consanguineous than marriages in which parents alone selected the husband. We also examined whether the expected connection between spouse choice and consanguineous marriage did appear in the South, the only region where consanguineous marriage is customary. Even in the South, however, we did not find the expected pattern.

National Trends

Next, we use marriage cohort to examine national trends in the four marital behaviors. National trends in spouse choice appear in Figure 3 . Overall, there is a striking decline in parents alone choosing husbands for their daughters. The percent of marriages in which parents alone chose husbands fell from half in the 1970s to one-third in the 2000s. At the other extreme, self-choice marriages doubled from 3% in the 1970s to 6% in the 2000s, but remained rare in absolute terms. Instead of women choosing husbands on their own, the increasingly dominant pattern was for parents and daughters to both be involved in the selection. In the 1970s, 47% of women chose their husband jointly with their parents. Thus, at the beginning of the period, marriages in which parents alone chose outnumbered those in which women and their parents chose together. By the end of the period, however, joint selection was dominant, comprising two-thirds of marriages and outnumbering marriages in which parents alone chose by two to one.

Spouse choice by marriage cohort

The trend in the length of time spouses knew each other prior to marriage appears in Figure 4 . As expected, women did know their husbands for longer periods in the more recent cohorts, but the extent of change is modest. The percent of marriages in which women met their husbands only on their wedding day declined by 10 percentage points from 74% in the 1970s to 64% in the 2000s. Thus, even in the most recent cohort, the majority of women had little to no interaction with their husbands before marriage. Further, there was no increase in women knowing their spouses for long periods of time. The percentage of women who met their husband more than a year before marriage remained stable at 10–12% across cohorts. Similarly, the percentage who knew their husbands less than a year, but more than a month, remained stable at 9–10%. The only category that increased over time is meeting husbands less than a month before marriage, which rose from 5% in the 1970s to 14% in the 2000s. Overall, there was movement from meeting on the wedding day itself to meeting a few days or weeks before the wedding, but lengthy acquaintanceships remained rare.

Length of acquaintanceship by marriage cohort

Trends in consanguineous and intercaste marriage also show changes in the expected directions ( Figure 5 ). Consanguineous marriage declined by almost a third, from 12% in the 1970s to 9% in the 2000s. Conversely, intercaste marriage increased by nearly half, rising from 4% in the 1970s to 6% in the 2000s. However, like self-choice marriage, intercaste marriage shows a large relative change, but remained rare in absolute terms. Further, unlike consanguineous marriage, the trend in intercaste marriage was not constant throughout the period. Rather than consistently increasing, intercaste marriage held steady at 5% in 1980 and 1990.

Consanguineous and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort

Regional Trends

India is a large and diverse country with variation in family behaviors and kinship systems across regions. Thus, understanding Indian marital trends requires going beyond the national level. Geographically, the most notable difference is the divide between the North and South ( Dyson and Moore 1983 ; Karve 1965 ; Kolenda 1987 ). As noted above, consanguineous marriage is only customary in the South, while exogamy is customary in the North. Further, in the North, sexual purity and the seclusion of women are more highly valued and practiced and the custom of arranged marriage is customarily stronger ( Jones 2010 ). The Northeast also differs markedly from the rest of India, but receives little attention due to its small population and peripheral location. The Northeast is inhabited by ethnic groups who have much in common with neighboring populations in Bhutan, Myanmar, and Southwestern China and the custom of arranged marriage is generally weaker there. It should also be noted, however, that there are indications that kinship practices have changed in recent decades and regional differences are breaking down ( Rahman and Rao 2004 ). Moreover, even when famously dividing India into North and South demographic regimes, Dyson and Moore (1983) were not sure where the borders were located.

To evaluate the extent of regional diversity, we examine marital trends across six regions. We divide states and union territories into North (n=14,783), Central (n=7,261), East (n=4,906), West (n=6,176), South (n=10,810), and Northeast (n=2,074). The North includes Jammu and Kashmir, Himachal Pradesh, Uttarakhand, Punjab, Haryana, Delhi, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, and Jharkand. Central includes Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh, and Chhattisgarh. East comprises West Bengal and Orissa, while the West includes Gujarat, Goa, and Maharashtra. South includes Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu and Kerala. Finally, the Northeast includes Sikkim, Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland, Manipur, Mizoram, Tripura, Meghalaya, and Assam.

A limitation of this analysis is that a few marriages may be categorized into the wrong region. Ideally, marriages should be matched to the region where the wedding took place or where the bride and/or groom were living at the time of marriage. However, we only observe the region in which the woman resided at the time of the survey, which is several years after marriage in many cases. Thus, the marriages of women who migrated across regions in the period between marriage and the survey are misclassified. We expect that this limitation should only present a slight error. While it is common for women to migrate for marriage, it is rare for them to migrate across regions after marriage ( Rao and Finnoff 2015 ).

Spouse choice

Every region shows a decline in parental control, but the extent of decline, as well as initial levels, differs dramatically across regions ( Figure 6 ). The North and Central regions stand out with high and declining parental control. Marriages in which parents alone chose comprise a dominant majority in the 1970s in these regions, at 72% and 66% respectively, and retain their majority status until the 2000s. Among the most recent cohort, choosing jointly rises substantially to roughly half of marriages, edging out those that are fully parentally controlled in the Central region and reaching parity in the North. Self-chosen marriages are also extremely rare. Self-choice marriages comprising less than 4% of marriages across the period, although there is a small rise in the 2000s.

Spouse choice by marriage cohort and region

The South and Northeast have substantially lower levels of parental control and greater continuity over time, but still show substantial change. In these regions, marriages in which only parents only chose the husband comprised just over 15% of the total in the 1970s and fell by roughly half by the 2000s. Marriages in which parents and daughters choose jointly were the dominant majority throughout the period, comprising over 80% of marriages in the South and 60–70% of marriages in the Northeast. There is a striking difference in self-choice marriages between the South and Northeast however. In the South, self-choice marriages match the national trend of a large relative change, but consistently low absolute levels. The Northeast, on the other hand, stands out as the only region with a sizeable percentage of self-choice marriages, rising from 15% in the 1970s to 34% in the 2000s.

The trends for the East and West are in-between these extremes. Like the South, jointly chosen marriages comprise the majority across cohorts in these regions. The level of self-choice marriages is also similar overall to that of the South. However, the East shows a comparatively dramatic rise in self-choice marriages, tripling from 3% to 12%, while the West is stable at around 5%.

Other Marriage Behaviors

Next, we examine regional variation in the length of acquaintanceship. To ease comparison across regions, we examine only one indicator: the percent of women who reported meeting their husbands on their wedding day ( Figure 7 ). We chose this category because it represents an extreme end of the spectrum and includes the majority of women at the national level. We should again note, however, that even if they met on their wedding day, women may still have communicated with and seen their husbands before marriage.

Length of acquaintanceship, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort and region

The trends in acquaintanceship show greater homogeneity across regions than spouse choice. The North, Central, East, and West regions all show modest declines in meeting on the wedding day. Specifically, the percent of marriages in which the couple met on their wedding day fell from 80–90% in the 1970s to 70–80% in the 2000s. The South and Northeast stand out with markedly different trends. The Northeast shows a steep decline in meeting on the wedding day, falling from 59% in the 1970s to 24% in the 2000s. In the South, meeting on the wedding day was stable at around a third of marriages.

In keeping with the regional differences in the kinship systems, consanguineous marriage was rare and stable in most regions, but not the South and West ( Figure 7 ). Across the period, marriages between blood relatives range from 1–6% of all marriages in the North, Central, East, and Northeast regions. By contrast, the South and West had high and declining levels of consanguineous marriage. However, these regional trends mask further heterogeneity at the state level. Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh, Maharshtra, and Goa experienced large declines in consanguineous marriage, but still had much higher levels than the rest of India even in the 2000s. The remaining Southern and Western states, namely Kerala and Gujarat, match the national trends with rare and stable levels of consanguineous marriage.

Intercaste marriage is the only behavior without any clear regional outliers, although the Northeast comes close ( Figure 7 ). The trends, as well as the levels, are similar across regions and dovetail relatively closely with the national trend. At the start of the period, in the 1970s, intercaste marriage varies from a low of 2% in the Central region to a high of 8% in the Northeast. By the 2000s, these levels have only increased to 3% in the Central region and 11% in the Northeast. The Northeast’s relatively high level of intercaste marriage is in keeping with its high level of self-choice marriage. The generally low levels of intercaste marriage are also consistent with low levels of self-choice marriages across regions.

Trends by Urban Residence

Next, we investigate marital trends by urban residence. Both modernization theory and developmental idealism theory suggest that arranged marriage should decline first, or be less common, in urban areas. Modernization theory views arranged marriage as structurally incompatible with urban life, while developmental idealism theory suggests that urban residents encounter and adopt developmental idealism before rural residents.

We divide women into three categories by their place of residence at the time of survey: metro urban (n=3,944), other urban (n=12,372), and rural (n=26,694). Metro urban refers to the six largest metropolitan areas in India, comprising Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai, Bangalore, and Hyderabad. Since place of residence is measured at the time of survey, this categorization does include some error. As noted above in reference to region, marriages of women who changed their place of residence between the time of marriage and the survey are misclassified.

Parents alone choosing husbands uniformly declined for urban and rural residents, but the levels differed substantially ( Figure 8 ). As predicted by theory, parents only choosing husbands was highest among rural residents (53–36%), lowest among metro urban residents (26–14%), and in-between these extremes for other urban residents (44–20%). Further, women and their parents jointly choosing husbands show the inverse pattern. Choosing jointly uniformly rose across all places of residence, but was at a substantially higher level among metro urban and, to a lesser extent, other urban residents. Contrary to expectations, however, both the trends and levels of self-choice marriages did not differ by place of residence. Metro urban, other urban, and rural residents all match the national trend with the percent of marriages in which women alone chose their husbands rising from around 3% in the 1970s to 6–8% in the 2000s.

Spouse choice by marriage cohort and urban residence

The trends in meeting on the wedding day are broadly similar across places of residence, but there were notable, albeit modest, differences ( Figure 9 ). Across the period, rural residents were slightly more likely to meet their husband on their wedding day, than urban residents. Both rural and other urban residents also show slight declines over time. Meeting on their wedding day declined from 76% to 67% among rural residents, while it declined from 68% to 56% among other urban residents. Metro urban residents were stable with roughly 60% of women from all marital cohorts meeting husbands on their wedding day.

Length of acquaintanceship, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort and urban residence

There are also modest differences in trends in consanguineous marriage ( Figure 9 ). Rural residents show the national pattern of a slight decline in consanguineous marriage from 12% to 8%. Urban residents, on the other hand, are stable over time. Other urban residents hold at around 12% for most of the period, but decline slightly in the 2000s. Metro urban residents, show a slight increase in consanguineous marriage, from 8% in the 1970s to 11% in the 1990s and 2000s, but this difference is not statistically significant.

The trends in intercaste marriage are virtually identical across rural and urban residents ( Figure 9 ). Metro urban, other urban, and rural residents all show the national pattern; intercaste marriage remains rare across the period, but does suggest slight increases from 4–5% in the 1970s to 5–7% in the 2000s. These rises are statistically significant for the rural and other urban residents, but not for the smaller metro urban sample.

Trends by Religion/Caste

Finally, we examine trends in marital behaviors by religion/caste. Specifically, we divide women into six groups: Upper Caste Hindus (n=10,344), Other Backward Castes (OBCs) (n=15,429), Dalits (n=9,462), Adivasis (n=3,635), Muslims (n=5,501), and other religions (n=1,639), which are composed largely of Christians, Sikhs, and Jains. The small number of women who are both Adivasi and Christian are placed in the Adivasi category. Adivasis are also known as Scheduled Tribes, while Dalits are also termed Scheduled Castes. Other Backward Castes, as well as Scheduled Tribes and Castes, are officially recognized by the Indian government as socioeconomically disadvantaged groups. We should emphasize that these categories contain multiple castes ( jatis ).

Ethnographic literature suggests that arranged marriage and accompanying practices are followed more closely by higher caste groups ( Grover 2011 ; Saavala 2001 ). Lower caste groups tend to have looser marriage practices, including greater choice among young people and fewer restrictions on women’s sexuality. Ethnographic studies also indicate that Muslims prefer, or are at least less averse towards, marriages among relatives and within villages ( Jeffery and Jeffery 1997 ; Kaur and Palriwala 2014 ).

Before describing trends by religion/caste, it is important to reflect on the extent to which these trends may be driven by an association with regional trends and vice versa. There are notable patterns in the distribution of religion/caste groups across regions. For example, Upper Caste Hindus and other religions are concentrated in the North, the Northeast has a relatively large population of Adivasis, and the South has a relatively large population of Other Backward Castes. For the most part, however, groups are spread across regions and there is not a strong overlap between region and religion/caste. For example, while 39% of Upper Caste Hindus in the sample reside in the North, only 27% of the sample from the North is comprised of Upper Castes. Similarly, while 29% of the sample from the Northeast are Adivasis, only 16% of the Adivasis in the sample reside in the Northeast. In turn, the associations between region and religion/caste are not strong enough for regional trends to markedly affect trends by religion/caste and vice versa. When we adjust for region, the bulk of the estimates for religion/caste differ by only a few hundredths and, at most, they differ by a couple percentage points. The reverse also holds; regional trends are consistent when adjusted for religion/caste.

Overall, the trends in spouse choice are similar across religion/caste groups. Every group shows a steady decline in parents alone choosing husbands and a corresponding rise in parents and daughters jointly choosing husbands ( Figure 10 ). Every group, except other religions, also has a slow and steady rise in self-choice marriages. While change over time is relatively uniform, the levels are also similar. Jointly choosing husbands is not only increasing over time, but is the most common experience for all groups during most of the period. The only exception to this statement is the 1970s cohort for which parents only choosing is nearly as common as joint selection among Muslims and Dalits and parents only choosing is more or equally common among Upper Caste Hindus, Other Backward Castes, and Adivasis. Further, self-choice marriage is a distant third spouse choice category among all groups from the 1970s to the 1990s. In the 2000s, parents alone choosing declined so substantially that it was close to, or even at, the low level of self-choice marriages among Upper Caste Hindus, Advasis, and other religions.

Spouse choice by marriage cohort and religion/caste

There are still important differences among religion/caste groups however. First, self-choice marriages are more common among Adivasis. Although the other religion category is somewhat of an exception with a high level of self-choice marriages in the 1970s. The other religion group also shows consistently high levels of joint choice and correspondingly lower levels of parents alone choosing spouses. However, the pace of change over time among other religions is comparable to other groups. Upper Caste Hindus also show higher levels of joint choice, but they do not stand out as much as other religions. Thus, in contrast to the ethnographic literature, parents alone choosing husbands is more common among Dalits and Other Backward Castes than it is among Upper Caste Hindus.

The trends in length of acquaintance are also similar among religion/caste groups ( Figure 11 ). For Upper Caste Hindus, Other Backward Castes, Adivasis, and other religions, meeting on the wedding day declined by 10 to 18 percentage points from 59–81% in the 1970s to 46–67% in the 2000s. Muslims and Dalits, on the other hand, are stable over time at just under two-thirds and nearly three-quarters respectively. Overall, the majority of women in all groups report meeting their husbands on their wedding day throughout the period. (The only exception is the other religion group, which dips just below half in the 2000s.)

Length of acquaintanceship, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage by marriage cohort and religion/caste

Consanguineous marriage has a clear outlier among religious/caste groups ( Figure 11 ). As expected, Muslims have substantially higher levels of consanguineous marriage and experience a steady decline over time. The proportion of Muslim marriages that are consanguineous drops from just over a quarter in the 1970s to 17% by the 2000s. Even in the 2000s though, the level of consanguineous marriage among Muslims is roughly twice that of other groups. There is also notable variation among the other groups. Like Muslims, Dalits and Other Backward Castes show steady declines in consanguineous marriage, but they start and end at much lower levels. Adivasis, Upper Caste Hindus, and the other religions, on the other hand, show low and stable levels of consanguineous marriage.

Intercaste marriage is rare and relatively stable over time among all groups ( Figure 11 ). In the 1970s, intercaste marriage ranges from 2% among Adivasis to 10% among other religious groups. In the 2000s, this range tightened to a low of 5% among Other Backward Castes to a high of 9% among the other religions. The proportion of marriages that are intercaste is significantly higher in the 2000s than it is in the 1970s for Upper Caste Hindus, Dalits, and Adivasis. However, even these statistically significant increases in intercaste marriage are small in size.

Discussion and Conclusion

We motivated this article by noting that the extent of marital change in India, as well as many other countries, is not well established. Theories of family change suggest that arranged marriage should decline in favor of Western marriage practices and previous studies do show such declines in other Asian contexts. In India, ethnographic studies suggest that marital change is afoot, yet other evidence points to little or even no change. Thus, an assessment of the extent and nature of marital change across India is needed. Having completed such an analysis, our answer to the titular question – is arranged marriage declining – is both yes and no.

We conclude that the practice of arranged marriage is shifting, rather than declining. Marriage behaviors did change in predicted directions from the 1970s to the 2000s. Young women became increasingly active in choosing their own husbands, spouses meeting before the wedding day became more common, consanguineous marriage declined, and intercaste marriage rose. However, the size of many of these changes is modest and substantial majorities of recent marriages still show the hallmarks of arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is clearly not headed towards obsolescence any time soon.

Further, the nature of the changes in spouse choice deviates profoundly from the prediction. Rather than displacing their parents, young women joined their parents in working together to choose husbands. While self-choice marriages increased over time, they are still rare, comprising less than a tenth of all marriages in the 2000s. Moreover, even in the 2000s, parents alone choosing husbands for their daughters was more than twice as common as daughters choosing by themselves. Overall, while most parents have lost complete control over marriage, the intergenerational nature of marriage remains intact.

Rather than unilateral movement towards Western practices, these trends point to a hybridization of Western and Indian practices. In India, the colloquial opposite of an arranged marriage is a “love marriage,” which refers to the Western practice of young people choosing their own spouses on the basis of love, attraction, or interpersonal compatibility. We do not have data on the extent to which women felt such emotions prior to marriage, but our results suggest that it is rare and directed along customary lines (cf. De Munck 1996 ; Harkness and Khaled 2014 ). While intercaste marriage is more common among self-choice marriages, still less than a fifth of self-choice marriages are intercaste. Thus, it appears that, like their parents, most women follow the rules of caste endogamy. Even more strikingly, many women who choose by themselves still report meeting their husband on the wedding day or slightly before. Thus, self-arranged or jointly-arranged marriage seem more accurate than the commonly used term “love marriage” when characterizing these marriages.

Many of these national trends held across India. All regions show declines of parental control over spouse choice and, apart from the South, modest increases in spouses meeting prior to marriage. Further, all regions experienced only slight increases or no change at all in intercaste marriage. However, our findings also reinforce the value of going beyond the national level. Trends for the South, as well as the Northeast, depart markedly from some national trends. The South is the only region to experience a substantial decline in consanguineous marriages from previously high levels and the decline of parental control was much more muted. The Northeast stands out as the only region in which self-choice marriages rose to substantial levels. In keeping with high levels of self-choice marriages, intercaste marriage was also more common in the Northeast and, like the South, meeting only on the wedding day was not common as it was elsewhere. Thus, we conclude that regional differences, in particular the well-known North/South regimes and lesser known Northeastern exception, remain important demographic divides. The findings also support Jones’ (2010) identification of North India as the bastion of arranged marriage.

Differences by urban residence were far more muted. Women living in urban areas, in particular those residing in the largest cities, were substantially more likely to choose husbands jointly with their parents. In rural areas, on the other hand, parents were much more likely to choose husbands without their daughters input. However, self-choice marriages were uniformly rare across urban and rural areas. Further, trends in the length of acquaintanceship prior to marriage, consanguineous marriage, and intercaste marriage showed only slight, or even no, differences between rural and urban residents

Variation among religious/caste groups was also less than that found among regions, but there were meaningful departures from national trends. The most striking departure was found for Muslims, who like the South, show a marked decline in consanguineous marriage from previously high levels. Adivasis also stood out; like the Northeast, Adivasis had a comparatively high level and more substantial rise in self-choice marriages. Some expected differences among castes did not materialize however. As noted above, the ethnographic literature suggests that lower castes are less observant of arranged marriage. Apart from the exception of high levels of self-choice marriage among Adivasis, however, Dalits, Adivasis, and Other Backward Castes did not differ substantially and systematically from Upper Castes.

These trends have important implications for global theories of family change, which predict that arranged marriage declines in favor of Western marriage practices. Our results suggest that this prediction was only partially accurate for India. It is likely that marriage will continue to change further in the future, but past trends suggest that marital change in India is at least slower, if not qualitatively different, from other Asian contexts for which we have data. Proponents of modernization theory might suggest that India has experienced less economic change than other contexts. However, the similarities across urban and rural residents suggest that modernization theory will not adequately explain India’s trends. We speculate that developmental idealism theory may fare better. Like other contexts, the values and beliefs of developmental idealism seem to be well-known in India, but their power to change marital behavior may be muted by powerful, counter-vailing values and beliefs. In particular, the incompatibilities of developmental idealism with gendered schemas about marriage for women may be a formidable barrier in India ( Allendorf forthcoming ; Desai and Andrist 2010 ). The power of India’s caste system, and its need for caste endogamy, may be another barrier ( Caldwell et al. 1998 ). These suggestions remain speculative, however. Future research should rigorously examine why India experienced the trends identified here.

Further research is also needed to better establish the extent and nature of marital change within and beyond India. In India itself, future research should examine men’s experiences. While it is highly likely that men have greater choice over their spouses than women, survey data on men’s experiences is needed to test that claim. Data on men is also needed to establish the extent of change in spouse choice among the population as a whole and identify whether men and women’s reports of couple-level behaviors, including consanguineous and intercaste marriage, provide comparable estimates. More importantly, similar studies are needed for other parts of the world. Establishing the extent and nature of marital change across regions and globally depends on having nationally representative data from more than a handful of countries. Luckily, given the centrality of marriage to individuals’ lives, retrospective reports of marriage behavior are likely to be very high quality. Thus, even a single, cross-sectional survey can provide valuable insights by drawing on marriage cohorts.

Acknowledgments

The authors would like to thank Arland Thornton for his helpful comments and Reeve Vanneman for providing access to data from the Indian Human Development Survey.

Change in Marriage Behaviors by Marriage Cohort (N=46,010)

Change in Marriage Behaviors by Birth Cohorts (N=46,010)

Contributor Information

Keera Allendorf, Department of Sociology, Indiana University, 1020 E. Kirkwood Ave Bloomington, IN 47405 (812)855-1540.

Roshan K. Pandian, Department of Sociology, Indiana University.

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Modern Arranged Marriages in Indian Community

Introduction, arranged marriages in india, preservation of castes, love in marriage, compatibility, parents’ experience in mate selection, stability of marriage, individual’s decision-making.

An arranged marriage takes place when another person, other than the couple anticipating marriage, arranges the marriage to shun the process of courtship between the two people to be married. Various groups of people throughout history have practiced this marriage style. Nowadays, various groups in South Asia and Middle East are still adhering to this practice as well as in the African and the Indian cultures. Arranged marriage is different from the concept of forced marriage. The parents, an older relative, or an honest third party usually makes the decision to unite the couple. In modern times, arranged marriages are commonly viewed as a fall back option if teenagers are not able or not ready to spend resources necessary to get an acceptable life partner. The parents are welcome partners in the hunt for a spouse. Arranged marriages give the bride and groom the opportunity to adjust their diverse values, so they may compromise with one another. This directly contrasts love marriages where each individual has full authority over the relationship.

Three events are crucial in one’s life here in the world: birth, marriage, and death. Hence, the decision to marry is one of the most important decisions one will ever make. Because divorce is very unacceptable in the Indian culture, it is without doubt that the marriage decision is cautiously thought out and arranged. The process of making such a vital decision cannot be endowed to a young person. For some guardians, community pressure forces them to give in. In certain circumstances, a love marriage or a relationship is deemed as a disappointment on the guardians in taking charge of their children. Some parents are just unable to withstand the community pressure when their child has passed a certain age without getting marriage. Hence, more often they tend to marry them off before they are past certain a certain age limit. Traditionally, the potential life partners would rarely see each other until the day they are to accept the vows. The dowry negotiations are made between the relatives of the young people before they are allowed to stay together. In modern arranged marriages, some Indians are taking advantage of the internet and print media to place personal advertisements. Interested persons express their desire and the coupe may decide to meet later. In addition, parents look for mates for their children especially for their children living overseas. They are sent pictures of potential mates to select the person they fell attracted to and marriage arrangements made once they identity a mate and communicate.

The practice of arranged marriages has formed a vital component of the Indian culture since the fourth century (Flanigan para. 1). It is mainly perceived as a key backbone of the Indian society, strengthening the communal, economic, geographical, and the historical meaning of the people of India. In this community, arranged marriages serve six major purposes. First, it assists in preserving the social satisfaction system in the community. Parents exercise control over their children in having the final say in this type of marriage. This practice improves the possibilities of preserving and prolonging the family’s ancestral lineage. It presents an opportunity to make the kinship groups strong. It permits the consolidation and extension of the family possessions. Lastly, the elders of the community are able to safeguard the principle of intermarriage amongst the different clans (“Arranged marriages” para. 6-7). The caste system in Indian determines whom one marries because one should not marry outside their caste. Thus, “Indians accept arranged marriages because they do not want to take the chance of altering what was meant to be” (Leeder 182).

The culture of arranged marriage started as a method of unifying and sustaining the upper caste families. Ultimately, the practice spilled over to the lower caste whereby it served the same purpose. Marriage in this rich culture was viewed as an alliance amongst two families rather than a merger of two persons.

The primary objective of the marriage is to start a family. Although they may not love one another at first, a more elaborate understanding of the two will ultimately develop. People who get married this way say “the love they feel grows over time , it is not necessarily romantic , but it is love” (Leeder 178).This is because they have a common ground on religious, political, or cultural issues. Instead of worrying about whether they made the right decision, or whether love will last, married couples work to love each other and se their love grow” (Leeder 182). For example, Rajiv Kumar married his wife Vandana on the day they met after plans for their marriage were made by their parents. They come from the same village even though Rajiv was living in the United States. Vandan relocated to the U.S, they bore twins, and they say there marriage is as good as that based on love (Heft). Conversely, this kind of marriage puts love at the back seat. Parents tell their children to decide with the head and not with the heart. The couples get into marriage with feeling love towards one another but expecting it to grow. Sometimes it never grows and they are stuck in loveless marriages for the rest of their lives. In addition, following one’s head is deemed sensible than listening to one’s heart. What the young people ideally call “love” and “the choice of a person” is many at times the infatuation experienced at the moment, which often lasts until the marriage has taken place, then is thrown to the dust bin. The culture of having more experienced people vet the potential couple and their background is a type of “due diligence” that should happen (“Indian Wedding” para. 15). Supporters also argue that marriages founded simply on romance are usually doomed to failure because the individuals may have unreasonable expectations of one another. Hence, the relationship lacks adequate room for making further improvements.

Arranged marriages reduce or eliminate incompatibilities between the potential marriage partners. This is because their parents make consult astrologers who determine the couple’s compatibility using their zodiac signs. Many considerations are made to ensure that the couples are a fit match because “marriage is joining of two families, not just two individuals” (Leeder 182). Due to the similarities of the couples, they are more likely to understand each other. This helps them to agree on decisions they make about how to bring up their children and other family decisions they may need to make. On the contrary, Arranged marriages can lead to cases of forced mismatch enacted by the relatives of the partners. This forced relationship based on the significant values to the matchmaker may not seem desirable to the partners and may lead to silent internal rumbles within the family. This is the major drawback of this type of marriage as it involves the coming together of two unknown people who have not understood and appreciated one another’s lives. Therefore, the probability of the partners not getting along smoothly is high. If any of the partners thinks in contradictory terms to what the other has strong belief in, existence of a mutual consent between the two would be a nightmare and they would live loveless lives founded on a mere compromise for both of them. Arranged marriage can only be successful on the grounds of acceptance, the man has to accept the woman and vice versa, regardless of the looks (“Arranged Marriages” para.4).

Moreover, proponents’ reiterates that based on the vast experience of the parents to make a match, they are at a better position to be trusted in making the crucial decision to the best interests of the couple. In this context, parents are less likely to be swayed by the waves of emotions and hormones. In as much as there are occasions when matchmakers select a match that meets the interests of the family and fail to meet the couple’s interests, this is an allowable risk with potential lifetime benefits. This practice gives the parents the opportunity to be in command of the family matters and members of the family. Sometimes it helps to depend on another individual’s experience and opinion when deciding for a match mate particularly when the potential partners are still young and are in need of thorough guidance and direction in starting their new lives. On the other hand, some cases of divorce have occurred. This may be due to incompatibility especially with modern young Indians. This shows that arranged marriages are not perfect because the couple may fail to grow in love as anticipated. For any marriage to work the couples, must learn to accommodate one another and learn to love each other. Some brides have found married life unbearable and tried to go back to their parents but had to go back to their husbands. Their parents tell them to adjust to the situation at their husbands’ home no matter how difficult.

Couples who go for arranged marriages have been established to be having a stable marriage than those in love marriages. In arranged marriages, the process of matchmaking is done in consideration of various factors of compatibility such as family reputation, wealth, religion, age, and psychological compatibility of the individuals. Proponents often relate this to the increasing divorce rate in love marriages. As an example, about 50% of United States marriages culminate in a divorce (Seth para.5) contrasted to the relative low divorce rate of India at 1.1 % (“Divorce demography”). This ascertains the relative stability enjoyed by couples of arranged marriages because an “estimated 95% of marriages in India are arranged” (Leeder 24). Arranged marriages are not necessarily forced and the couples have a choice to accept or reject one another. In case of rejection, the family looks for another mate and this helps to reduce the rate of divorce after the marriage takes place because both mates mutually agree to marry.

Furthermore, the couples do no have a chance to decide whom to marry. This reduces their ability to make independent decisions. They do not take the responsibility of looking for a suitable mate and leave it to someone else yet this is a very crucial decision. The parents often doubt the couple logical decision-making capability in such a scenario (Litton). These people act as sound-minded introducers and the ones to give recommendations who are mainly driven by their best interests in total disregard to those of the couple. This makes arranged marriages to be viewed as a mere family dating service accompanied by a little pre-marriage counseling.

In the Indian society, the intra-family connections is much significant than the mere love relationship between the newly weds. This makes divorce difficult and most of the brides have met death at their husbands’ home. This is because they could not leave and go back to their parents who would eventually tell them to go back to their husbands. Some have died in murders that disguised as fire accidents. Their husbands kill them if they fail to fulfill their promise of paying hefty dowries. They subject the “bride to harassment “(Umar 152). The windowed husbands take on other brides and receive dowry payment. Therefore, individuals who see them as an opportunity to make financial gains abuse such arranged marriages. This is because arranging marriages for caste or economic reasons impairs societal growth. Love marriage has more influence in promoting build up of wealth and the growth of the community because it is based on mutual consent between the two parties. Arranged marriages have been an essential medium of taking of dowry. It has served over the years as a means of trade rather than a social routine. People have resorted to it as a simple means of making money.

The culture of arranged marriage has transformed considerably over time. Nowadays, most parents show more concern about the lives of their children and take their approval before making the final decision for the marriage. Over the time, society has realized that marriage can only be achieved when the parents and the older relatives avoid forcing their children to get married to someone they hardly love. Well arranged marriages takes place when the parents give assistance and advice to their kids to get spouses that corresponds to their desires and likings.

It is debated that love marriages comes with more independence and freedom as opposed to arranged marriages (Mijar para.6; Xu and King 719). Arranged marriages always come with pressure to dance to the tunes of the parental expectations like giving birth to a male heir, actively participating in the family rituals and traditions, staying with sisters-in-laws, catering for the expenses of the family and so on. All these complications stems from marriage of two people who does not know one another. To be on familiar terms with somebody before marriage permits the couple to accord a better respect and understanding for one another and care for their respective needs and desires. This way, they get adequate time to make the necessary adjustments before taking the final marriage vow. Successful marriage results only due to mutual consent and understanding from both parties. More importantly, a person should be allowed to marry whomever they want.

“Divorce demography.” NationMaster.com.2005. Web.

Flanigan, Santana. “Arranged Marriages, Matchmakers, and Dowries in the India,” 2000. Web.

Fox, Greer Litton. “Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara Turkey.” Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 37, No. 1 (1975): pp. 180-193. Print.

“ Indian Wedding .” Iloveindia.com. 

Heft, Miguel. “A Decent Proposal.” Prism.com. Nov. 1995. Web.

Leeder, J Elaine. The family in global perspective: a gendered journey. Thousand Oaks, California: SAGE, 2004.

Mijar, Nayan. “Arranged Vs Love Marriage.” Boloji.com. 2002. Web.

Seth, Reva. “What Arranged Marriage Can Teach Us.” Your Tango. Tango Media Corporation. 2009. Web.

Umar, Mohd. Bride Burning in India: A Socio Legal Study. New Delhi: APH Publishing, 1998.

Xiaohe, Xu, and Whyte, Martin King. “Love Matches and arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication.” Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 52, No.3 (1990): pp. 709-722. Print.

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Arranged Marriage in India

Table of Contents

From time immemorial, Indians have embraced arranged marriages. Parents or older family members search and select future husbands and wives for individuals ready for marriage. Indians do not perceive marriage as a romantic affair: they perceive it as a socioeconomic institution that requires proper planning for stability. Several modern Indians embrace arranged marriages, believing it is the main fabric of their culture. Young men and women consider their parents wise and usually want to make them happy. Therefore, they respect their parents’ selection of future spouses, encouraging organized marriages in India. Mainly, arranged marriages are prevalent in India because they are connected to its religion and culture, ensure respect and harmony within marriage, and allow parents to select a family they can control and will accept their child.

Why Arranged Marriages Are Popular in India

Indians prefer arranged marriages because they ensure a married partner lives harmoniously with their spouse’s family. Indians treasure family values: they guide a family’s way of life and ensure harmony among family members (Bhandari, 2020). Parents prefer selecting future husbands and wives for their children to ensure they marry an individual from a family with similar values. The wife becomes a part of the husband’s family and can only live harmoniously with his family members if her family values align with theirs. Therefore, arranged marriages are common in India since they enable the selection of spouses with values that will allow them to quickly adapt to the customs and needs of their partners’ families.

Arranged marriages are prevalent in India because they give parents control over their child’s new family members. Indian parents – like most parents – want their children to experience a happy married life. They understand that the family members of their child’s spouse could interfere with their marriage by expecting their daughter or son to embrace a particular lifestyle. Indian parents know that this interference could result in an unhappy married life. Therefore, they prefer choosing marriage partners for their children to ensure that they select their child’s spouse from a family with friendly relationships with them. Indians believe entrusted parental leadership over marriage guarantees its success (Tahir, 2021). Therefore, family friendship allows Indian parents to practice leadership over their child’s marriage by controlling the other family’s decisions regarding their child’s marital association.

Indians encourage arranged marriages to ensure respect between a united husband and wife—an arranged marriage results in a relationship founded on mutual respect toward families. Indians link the married partners’ character to their families (Bhandari, 2020). A husband or wife who embraces unethical behavior damages their family’s image. Arranged marriages force married partners to embrace ethical behavior to protect their family’s image. This impact encourages couples to respect each other’s rights and assume the roles that society expects husbands or wives to perform. The respect that arises from the need to boost a family’s image results in a long-lasting marriage characterized by love, patience, harmony, and unity.

Arranged marriages ensure fast acceptance of individuals by their spouse’s family members, making them popular in India. Quick approval increases the chances of a happy married life by ensuring the couples feel a sense of belonging. Indian families arrange marriages to prevent the need for their children to struggle to gain acceptance from their spouses’ family members. They understand that the struggle for acceptance can lead to frustration and jeopardize a marriage’s stability. For this reason, they embrace arranged marriages and select spouses from friendly families that quickly accept their children. Arranged marriages also enable them to select families with non-discriminatory tendencies.

How Arranged Marriages Are Related to India’s Religion and Culture

Arranged marriage in India is connected to India’s religious beliefs regarding marriage. According to Hinduism, marriage is a friendship that requires understanding between spouses (Bhattacharyya, 2019). Arranged marriages ensure friendship between spouses because they are mainly organized between friendly families. Furthermore, arranged marriages strive to unite individuals from families with similar norms and belief systems, ensuring understanding between spouses. Hinduism discourages sexual relationships before marriage: it perceives sexual intercourse as a holy act between married couples. Arranged marriage respects this religious principle by preventing the possibility of sex before marriage, which mostly occurs when men and women select their marriage partners without parental consent.

Arranged marriage in India is connected to the nation’s culture. The practice of arranged marriage in India began when ancient Indians perceived marriages as a way of establishing social and economic alliances between families. This perception forced families from a particular social status to ensure their children get married to families with a similar socioeconomic background to strengthen their social position. According to the ancient Indian culture, this similarity led to marriage success (Narzary & Ladusingh, 2019). This practice extended into modern Indian culture to foster discipline and social harmony within marriage. Wealthy families ensure their daughters get married to other wealthy families, while lower-class families ensure their children find partners in a similar social class to achieve social harmony and mutual respect.

Arranged marriages are popular in India for four significant reasons. First, they ensure individual life harmoniously with a spouse’s family. Second, they enable parents to control the new family living with their children. Thirdly, it fosters respect between married couples, and fourthly, it ensures families quickly accept their children’s spouses. Fourth, India’s arranged marriage arises from its religious belief that marriage is a friendship characterized by individuals that understand each other. Lastly, it stems from the cultural tendency to encourage marriage among individuals within similar socioeconomic backgrounds.

• Bhandari, P. (2020). Matchmaking in Middle-Class India: Beyond Arranged and Love Marriage. ‎ Springer.
• Bhattacharyya, K. K. (2019). The sacred relationship between marriage, spirituality and healthy aging in Hinduism. Journal of Religion, Spirituality & Aging , 32 (2), 135–148. https://doi.org/10.1080/15528030.2019.1670771
• Narzary, P. K., & Ladusingh, L. (2019). Discovering the saga of inter-caste marriage in India. Journal of Asian and African Studies , 54 (4), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1177/0021909619829896
• Tahir, N. (2021). Understanding arranged marriage: An unbiased analysis of a traditional marital institution. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family, 35 (1), 1-20. https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebab005
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Essay on Marriage in India

Students are often asked to write an essay on Marriage in India in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Marriage in India

Introduction.

Marriage in India is a grand affair, celebrated with much enthusiasm. It is not just a union of two individuals, but also a bond between two families.

Traditions and Rituals

Indian marriages are filled with numerous traditions and rituals. These include pre-wedding ceremonies like Mehendi and Sangeet, the main wedding ceremony, and post-wedding rituals.

Diversity in Marriages

There are diverse marriage customs in India, reflecting its multicultural society. Each community has its unique rites, rituals, and traditions related to marriage.

Marriages in India are vibrant, filled with joy, and deeply rooted in tradition. They epitomize the rich cultural heritage of the country.

250 Words Essay on Marriage in India

Marriage in India is not just a union of two individuals, but a bond between two families. It is a traditional ceremony deeply rooted in the social, religious, and cultural fabric of Indian society.

The Significance of Marriage

Indian marriages are characterized by a plethora of rituals and customs, which vary across regions, religions, and communities. These rituals symbolize the sanctity of marriage, emphasizing the commitment, fidelity, and mutual growth of the couple.

Arranged Marriages: A Common Practice

Arranged marriages are prevalent in India, where parents and elders take the lead in choosing a life partner for their children. This tradition stems from the belief in the wisdom of elders and their ability to make the best decision, taking into account factors like social status, economic stability, and horoscope compatibility.

Modern Shifts in Perception

However, the modern era has witnessed a shift in this perception. Young Indians are increasingly opting for love marriages, seeking compatibility, shared interests, and emotional connection over traditional considerations. This shift has led to a gradual transformation of the societal norms surrounding marriage in India.

Despite the changing dynamics, the essence of marriage in India remains the same – a sacred, lifelong commitment. It continues to be a significant social institution, a rite of passage, and an integral part of an individual’s life journey. As India continues to modernize, the concept of marriage too will evolve, reflecting the changing values and aspirations of its people.

500 Words Essay on Marriage in India

Marriage in India is a grand affair, steeped in tradition and cultural significance. It is not merely a union of two individuals but rather the coming together of two families, reflecting a rich tapestry of rituals, celebrations, and customs. This essay explores the concept of marriage in India, its cultural diversity, and the evolving trends in the 21st century.

The Cultural Diversity of Indian Marriages

India, known for its cultural diversity, hosts a myriad of marriage customs, each unique to its regional and religious context. Hindu marriages, for instance, involve a series of rites like Kanyadaan, Panigrahana, and Saptapadi. Muslim weddings, on the other hand, are characterized by the Nikah ceremony, while Christian weddings follow the biblical traditions of exchanging vows and rings.

In addition to these religious customs, regional practices also play a significant role. For instance, Bengali weddings feature the ‘Shubho Drishti’ ritual, where the bride and groom exchange glances, while Punjabi weddings are known for their lively ‘Sangeet’ ceremony.

Societal Implications

Marriages in India have significant societal implications. They are often seen as a means of establishing social status and economic alliances. The practice of dowry, although illegal, still persists in some parts of the country, reflecting deep-seated patriarchal norms. Similarly, the preference for arranged marriages over love marriages underscores the importance of familial and societal approval in personal matters.

Evolution of Marriage Practices in Modern Times

With the advent of the 21st century, Indian marriages have started to evolve, reflecting changing societal norms and values. There is a growing acceptance of inter-caste and inter-religious marriages, indicating a shift towards individual choice and away from traditional norms. The concept of ‘self-arranged marriages’ or ‘semi-arranged marriages’ is also gaining traction, where individuals play a significant role in choosing their partners, albeit within the framework of an arranged setup.

The rise of matrimonial websites and dating apps has further revolutionized the Indian marriage scene, making partner search a more individualistic and personalized process. However, these changes coexist with traditional practices, creating a unique blend of old and new.

In conclusion, marriage in India is a complex institution, deeply rooted in tradition and societal norms. While it continues to uphold the cultural diversity of the country, it is also evolving to accommodate the changing aspirations and values of the modern Indian society. The future of Indian marriages promises to be a fascinating interplay of tradition and modernity, continuity and change.

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Marriage in India, Essay Example

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Arranged Marriage

The majority of marriages in India are arranged. When speaking of arranged, it means that the partners were chosen by the parents of the bride or groom, but in some instances they are chosen by the religious elders in the community. According to research, more than ninety percent of Indian women had their marriages arranged (Aysan Sev’er, 2008). Men, however, have more freedom than women and can decline the marriage if they choose to. Those women who chose their own partners had to be granted permission before they could marry. In arranged marriages, the couple usually has very little time to socialize and get to know each other prior to the wedding ceremony.  The bride usually resides with the husband’s family. Once living with the husband’s family, the bride often finds that her personal freedoms are restricted and controlled by her new family.

Dowry System

In India, the dowry system dates back to ancient times. The bride’s family presents their virgin daughter to the groom’s family along with financial gifts and other valuables. Originally, the dowry was not of significant financial value, and was merely a token gratitude. Over the years, this tradition transformed into the bride’s family paying the groom’s family for allowing their son to marry their daughter. In more recent years, the early nineties, the dowry has evolved into a continuous financial burden for the female’s family. The groom’s family often demands a steady compensation for the bride’s family. If the bride’s family refuses, the groom will return the bride to her family humiliating and dishonoring the family. In some cases, the bride’s family refuses to compensate the groom’s family, the bride is abused, mistreated, and sometimes murdered (Praveena Kodoth, 2008). In the Indian community, family honor is very important. Often, that honor depends upon whether or not the daughter marries into an affluent family. As a result, families begin preparing for this early and are willing to pay significant sums even if it causes them to go bankrupt.  For example,

“High dowriesmake raising a daughter a considerable financial burden, and they have accordingly beenblamed for infanticide and neglect of female children, sex selective abortion, and mistreatmentof newly married women in attempts to extract more money from their parents” (Praveena Kodoth, 2008  )

Women are taught to be submissive and pursue qualities such as modesty and purity. For example, “Women are persuaded by their own families to stoically endure abuse and are sometimes threatened with being disowned and ostracized from society should they not comply with the cultural norms” (Shang-Jin Wei and Xiaobo Zhang, 2011). The women are taught to submit and be faithful regardless to how the husband behaves. Researchers believe that this is still possible today because so many of Indian women are illiterate and lack any work trainings, so they must depend solely upon their husbands for financial stability.

Marriage Patterns

During the late 20 th century patterns of marriage transitioned in India. The average age for a woman to get married increased to the age of 19 years old. This reduces the age gap between husband and wife from about seven year to five or under (Aysan Sev’er, 2008).  Women who are aged 19 years old and older are capable of higher birth rates and lessoned infant mortality rates. Nonetheless, child marriages are still widely practiced in India, especially in rural areas. Traditions, religious beliefs, and social acceptance are among the reasons why child marriages are still acceptable in India. Likewise, in Indian society, women are believed to be weak. Consequently, parents of daughters feel obligated to ensure they are properly taken care of. Other communities want to ensure the chastity of their women, so they marry them early.

Personal Experience

Dating was considered a touchy subject in my family. The rules were more complicated for females than for males. Males had more freedom than females did. Females were not expected to entertain male company until they reached the age of sixteen. These visits were always supervised by older members of my family. For example, my brother or mother would be the chaperone if my date and I wanted to attend a movie. After a year of serious courtship and chaperoned dates, my date and I were allowed to go places unattended. My parents considered the year a trial period. If the boy was still interested in me after a year, it would not be a waste of my time to date him. My parents taught abstinence due to our religious beliefs. I was taught that sex was an act that was reserved for husband and wife. Becoming pregnant as a teen or being caught in the act of sex was a shameful encounter. Parents who had females to become pregnant before marriage were looked upon as bad parents. Although I grew up in the nineties, when lesbian and gay relationships were being revealed, my parents stressed that God made male and female. Being in a lesbian or gay relationship was more shameful to a family than having a pregnant daughter.

The marriage ceremony was performed by a minister in a church. The father would give away his daughter by walking her down the aisle to her groom. The bride and groom exchange vows conveying how they feel about each other and their commitment to being faithful and chaste to one another. Only after this ceremony are bride and groom permitted to live together in the same home. Typically, couples are married at least one year prior to having children. It is also considered shameful for a bride to give birth soon after marriage because people assume that the couple decided to get married because the bride was pregnant.

Aysan Sev’er (2008) Discarded daughter: The patriarchal grip, dowry deaths, sex ratio imbalancesand foeticide in India. Women’s Health and Urban Life, 7 (1):56–75.

Praveena Kodoth (2008). Gender, caste and matchmaking in Kerala: A rationale for dowry. Development and Change, 39 (2):263–283.

Shang-Jin Wei and Xiaobo Zhang (2011). The competitive saving motive: Evidence from rising sex ratios and savings rates in China. Journal of Political Economy, 119 (3):511–564.

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Arranged marriage

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Arranged Marriages In India Essay

According to a study on arranged marriages conducted by Statistic Brain, roughly 53.25% of marriages worldwide are arranged, while 90% of this percentage pertains to the method of marriage in India. What are arranged marriages? An arranged marriage is a type of marriage in which two people, the bride and groom, are selected to be married not by themselves but by their family members. In the Indian culture, the family members select the bride and groom based on the caste system and what profession each person is in. Many families believe arranged marriage is the best method for marital union not because it is a long rooted tradition but also because it offers a sense of safeguard and financial protection towards females. Unfortunately, this is oftentimes not the case. In fact, with arranged marriages there is a important requirement for women to play their feminine role in the marriage which includes the pressure to show love and affection to their spouse whether she is emotionally connected to him or not. Also, in many cases if the man is unhappy with the female, he will begin to abuse her physically and mentally. If this is the case, the women generally puts up with it and stays in the toxic relationship to avoid having her family and herself from being embarrassed by the community. In this way, the female is maintaining family pride and the utmost respect rather than facing humiliation for leaving her husband. Although some may believe arranged marriages are the best form of marital union due to having been proven to lead to the least amount of divorce rates, they provide no sense of security and protection towards women.

First of all, arranged marriages offer very little independence and freedom for the bride. In an article by Guardian, the author explains a situation in which a 13-year-old girl in Pakistan was forced to marry a Pakistani man and states “Once a white boyfriend became a possibility, Sairah was told her family’s honor rested on her engagement.’ This goes to show that females do not have any consent to decide on the person whom they will marry. It is up to the family’s discretion to decide this, so the bride must conform to the family’s expectations in order to maintain respect and pride. After all, in this situation as the author has stated, it is the engagement that will determine the fate and respect of the family. So when the bride and groom are selected by their relatives to get married, the female feels the mental pressure to live up to her parents expectations such as carrying on the family tradition of her future children marrying into the same caste, casting rituals, living with the in-laws, staying at home doing housework, taking care of the elders, and so on. In a normal love marriage, however, the two would select each other, but their own interests rather than the family’s interest. This would in turn give them more freedom and independence in deciding what is best for them regardless of family traditions and beliefs. Therefore, it would be more suitable to get to know someone before marriage so that the two can get to know each others personalities and desires better to ensure respect and love is maintained prior to accepting wedding vows.

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Also, arranged marriages take away a sense of security and protection from women because they are unable to have the freedom of speech. In the Indian culture, when the men physically and mentally abuse the female in a relationship the female is not able to say anything or strike back. Instead, she will have to put up with this toxic relationship for the sake of maintaining the utmost respect for her family in the traditional society they reside in. In other words, women must not only obey her family’s tradition, but she must also obey her husband. For instance, if the husband is bothered by the genre of music the female listens to, or the movies she watches, her freedom and sense of liberation is ultimately being taken away from her because she will have to change her interests for him. If the female disobeys her husband, she will be abused thus indicating that arranged marriages do not provide any form of safeguard towards the females. This is rather disturbing to me because it also goes to show that women are seen as inferior to men in this traditional culture. However, in the case of love marriages the two are treated equally regardless of race or gender.

On the other hand, some believe arranged marriages look out for the best interests of females because parents are much more experienced and are able to eliminate potential men who are bad for them. In an article by the Daily Life, the author states “they will do a much better job of finding the right person for you because their judgment won’t be clouded like yours would almost certainly be if you were swooning over a new lover.” This clearly indicates that those who are in favor for arranged marriages would prefer an older relative find a good match because they will base this decision off of long term traits rather than the short lived feelings one gets when they meet someone. These qualities are often linked to economic stability, and both families having an interest in one another and belonging to the same caste rank. Although the bride and groom haven’t been able to emotionally connect, once the knot is tied they will be able to get to know one another better and connect as time passes.

All in all, in many countries such as India, the long rooted tradition of arranged marriage is still in full effect today. According to Indian traditions, arranged marriages are the best form of marital union because it binds two people based on the interests and caste ranking of the family, and it looks out for the females’ protection. Some believe arranged marriages are better than love marriages because the couple are more understanding towards each other while others believe just the opposite because women have to mold themselves into someone they’re not to please the husband and family. After hearing both sides, as a female I am strongly against arranged marriages because it deprives women of their sense of freedom and independence. Instead, I believe a love marriage should take place because the idea of marriage is not just for two people to get together and marry but instead it is to emotionally connect with someone whom you wish to spend the rest of your life with. One cannot assume the two will connect after arranged marriage because in some marriages this will not be the case.

Works Cited

• Das, Sushi. “Are Arranged Marriages More Successful than ‘Love’ Marriages?”Daily Life, The Sydney Morning Herald, 23 Oct. 2012, www.dailylife.com.au/life-and- love/real-life/are-arranged-marriages-more-successful-than-love-marriages- 20121022-280kd.html.
• Deveney, Catherine. “Without Consent: the Truth about Forced Marriage.”The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 11 Mar. 2012, www.theguardian.com/world/2012/mar/11/forced-marriage-pakistan-matrimony- laws.

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Question of Arranged Marriages in India

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Published: Nov 8, 2019

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