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Cause and Effect of Broken Family: Exploring the Impact on Individuals and Society

Table of contents, causes of broken families, effects on individuals, consequences for society, addressing the impact, conclusion: fostering resilience and support.

Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 1269-1287.
McLanahan, S., & Sandefur, G. (1994). Growing up with a single parent: What hurts, what helps. Harvard University Press.
Heath, A. F., & Killewald, A. (2013). The importance of nonresident fathers for children's well-being. Annual Review of Sociology, 39, 149-170.
Braver, S. L., Wolchik, S. A., Sandler, I. N., Sheets, V., Fogas, B., & Bay, R. C. (1993). A longitudinal study of noncustodial parents: Parents without children. Journal of Family Psychology, 7(1), 9-23.
Wallerstein, J. S., & Kelly, J. B. (1980). Surviving the breakup: How children and parents cope with divorce. Basic Books.

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Family Relationships — The Importance of Family Problems and their Solutions

The Importance of Family Problems and Their Solutions

Categories: Family Relationships

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Published: Feb 7, 2024

Words: 510 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Families play a vital role in society, financial difficulties are a leading cause of family problems, the effects of family problems can be far-reaching and long-lasting, solutions to family problems vary depending on the nature of the issue, prevention is always better than cure.

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Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

Students are often asked to write an essay on Effects Of Broken Family in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

Introduction.

A broken family refers to a family where parents live apart due to divorce, separation, or death. This situation can have different effects on the family members, especially children.

Emotional Effects

Kids in a broken family often experience emotional stress. They may feel sad, angry, or confused about the situation. This can lead to problems like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Academic Performance

The emotional turmoil can affect a child’s focus in school. They might find it hard to concentrate on studies, leading to a drop in their academic performance.

Social Skills

Children from broken families might struggle with social skills. They may find it difficult to trust others and build healthy relationships. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.

Behavioral Issues

The stress and confusion can lead to behavioral issues. Children may become rebellious, aggressive, or withdrawn. They might also get involved in risky behaviors like substance abuse.

In conclusion, a broken family can have various negative effects on a child’s emotional health, academic performance, social skills, and behavior. It’s important to provide support and understanding to help them cope.

250 Words Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

A broken family refers to a family where the parents are separated or divorced. This situation can have a big impact on the children and other family members.

Emotional Impact

The first effect of a broken family is the emotional impact on the children. Children may feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. They may also feel confused and scared about what will happen to them. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression.

Another effect of a broken family is on a child’s school performance. The stress and emotional turmoil can make it hard for a child to focus on their studies. This can result in lower grades and a lack of interest in school.

Children from broken families may also struggle with social skills. They may find it hard to trust others and form healthy relationships. This can lead to feelings of isolation and difficulty fitting in with their peers.

Behavioural Changes

Broken families can also lead to changes in a child’s behaviour. Some children may act out, become aggressive, or start to engage in risky behaviours. This is often a way for them to express their feelings of anger and frustration.

In conclusion, broken families can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional well-being, academic performance, social skills, and behaviour. It is important for parents, teachers, and other adults to provide support and understanding to help children cope with these challenges.

500 Words Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

A broken family is one where the parents are not living together. This can happen due to divorce, separation, or death. In such families, children often live with one parent or move between both. This situation can affect the children in several ways.

One of the main effects of a broken family is the emotional impact on children. They may feel sad, angry, or confused. They may blame themselves for their parents’ separation. This can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. They may also worry about the future and feel insecure.

A broken family can also affect a child’s performance in school. The stress and emotional turmoil can make it hard for them to focus on their studies. They may lose interest in school and their grades may drop. In some cases, they might even stop going to school.

Social Relationships

Children from broken families may have problems in their social relationships. They may find it hard to trust others and form close relationships. They may feel different from their peers who come from intact families. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Behavioral issues are another effect of a broken family. Children may act out their feelings of anger and sadness. They may become rebellious or start behaving in harmful ways. They may also develop problems like lying, stealing, or bullying.

Long-Term Effects

The effects of a broken family can also be seen in the long term. Children may carry the emotional scars into their adult life. They may have problems in their own relationships and may fear commitment. They may also struggle with issues like depression or anxiety.

In conclusion, a broken family can have many effects on children. It can affect their emotions, academic performance, social relationships, behavior, and even their future. It’s important for parents and other adults to provide support and help children cope with these challenges. This can help minimize the negative effects and ensure that children have a chance to grow up healthy and happy.

Remember, not all children in broken families will face these issues. Some may cope well and even thrive. It depends on many factors like the child’s personality, the support they get, and how the parents handle the situation.

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Having a Broken Family: What It Means and How to Cope

Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer and former staffer at TODAY on NBC and CBS News. She's also contributed to dozens of magazines.

Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health.

Jeffbergen / Getty Images

Even the most seemingly idyllic families face problems, and sometimes it can be hard to determine exactly how to go about navigating these issues. In the most extreme cases, certain problems can even lead to estrangement when relationships are severed for a prolonged period of time.

Often called broken families, there are many potential causes of estrangement between family members, and many of them come down to specific details surrounding the individuals and the situations involved. To find out more about what causes these relational rifts, as well as how to solve them, Verywell Mind tapped Frank Anderson, MD , a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, who specializes in the treatment of trauma.

"A broken family is one that includes unhealthy or severed relationships within the family unit," explains Anderson. "They are often associated with divorce but certainly can occur in an intact family where various members are in conflict with or estranged from each other."

What Causes Estrangement Between Family Members?

While every relationship is unique, Anderson explained some common causes of estrangement among family members:

Abuse: Anderson notes that this can include sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. While abuse is typically a result of some other factor (mental health problems, for example), it can cause relationship trauma and it's understandable if it complicates your ability to forgive.
Mental health issues: If you or your family member faced mental health conditions or substance use issues that resulted in the estrangement, it's important to address those issues before moving forward with attempting to fix the relationship. If you were struggling with the issues, make sure you seek help from a therapist and then communicate to the family member that you have sought help and moved forward. If a family member was the one dealing with mental health issues, it's OK to ask them if they've addressed the issues by seeking out help.
Financial abuse: Money can complicate any relationship, but this is especially true for loved ones. In a marriage, one person may be spending beyond the budget, or overly controlling with the money. Serious issues can arise when there is a death of a parent, and the children do not agree on how the assets are distributed among them. That said, many times these issues can be remedied by being open and honest about your concerns.
Differing beliefs: This can come into play in a variety of ways—such as political or religious—and if it impacts your ability or your family member's ability to be kind and respectful, then it can become a major problem.
Boundary crossings: This is perhaps especially true for immediate family members like parents or siblings. In these cases, it's especially important to make sure you've made the person aware of your boundaries so that they know exactly what it is that offends you. It's also important to listen to your family members if they are trying to explain their boundaries to you.
Overly controlling parents or parental figures: While parents or parental figures often mean well , they can sometimes push too far when it comes to exerting their control. If this is carrying over into your personal life and impacting your relationships as an adult, it's important to make your parents aware of the ways they're affecting your life.
Refusals to apologize: If you or a loved one are refusing to apologize , it's especially important to make sure you understand the other person's motives. If you feel that everyone's reasoning has been considered and there's still a refusal to apologize, this can cause a major rift.

How Do You Know When a Familial Relationship Is Worth Saving?

First off, it's important to be honest with yourself about the nature of the relationship you had with this family member before things went sour. Was it meaningful and positive or is the relationship's history lined with toxicity ? If you do find that it was meaningful and positive, it may be worth mending.

Broken families are repairable when the involved parties are willing to meet together, to listen to each other’s point of view, and to be able to freely discuss their differences with the intention of resolving the conflict and repairing the relationship.

How to Effectively Repair Relationships With Family Members

In order to effectively repair a relationship, Anderson emphasizes the importance of both parties' willingness to "forgo a defensive posture." By this, he means that each party should be willing to listen to the other, even if this means hearing things that are potentially hurtful. It also requires both parties to speak honestly and openly about their feelings.

"If at any time it becomes unsafe to anyone involved, each party should have the freedom to end the discussion, perhaps postpone it for another time or leave it without further follow-up if necessary," says Anderson.

If you want to speak with a family member, but you're worried that things will get too heated for either person, it may be helpful to enlist the help of a mediator.

"It is often helpful to have a third-party present to arbitrate the discussion," says Anderson. "The neutral party should be able to feel empowered to speak up when necessary and establish boundaries and guidelines for the ensuing discussion."

How to Accept That a Family Relationship Is Over

Sometimes, it is better to end the relationship completely. When a family member continues to be toxic, abusive, unapologetic, or unwilling to seek professional help, then you will not be able to successfully resolve conflict with this person and they will continue to hurt you.

It's important to note that you can forgive someone without reinstating a relationship with that person. In fact, it's better for your mental health if you forgive them because it can help you find peace.

"Forgiveness is something that is achieved internally," says Anderson. "It does not necessarily require the other person to be present in order for it to be meaningful, successful, and long-lasting."

Anderson emphasizes the importance of therapy when it comes to processing the end of any important relationship. While it may take some time, if you're open to mentally forgiving someone, you can move past it in a way that brings you internal peace.

"It is certainly possible, in the context of a supportive therapeutic setting, to work through, resolve, release, and forgive a family member who has hurt you, even if you don’t have contact with them," says Anderson.

A Word From Verywell

Relationships are complicated and even the most ideal family will have conflict at some point. Oftentimes, conflict can be resolved with effective communication, forgiveness, and sometimes the aid of professional help. Other times, the family unit is broken, conflict cannot be resolved, and you may find yourself estranged from certain family members.

It can be difficult to accept a relationship is broken, but maintaining healthy boundaries in your family relationships can prevent further pain.

Moving past hurtful things from the past is possible, and you will be better for it. Whether you need to forgive a family member for yourself or in order to mend a relationship, it's always best to make sure you do what's going to benefit your mental health.

By Brittany Loggins Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer and former staffer at TODAY on NBC and CBS News. She's also contributed to dozens of magazines.

79 Family Problems Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best family problems topic ideas & essay examples, 🥇 most interesting family problems topics to write about, 📌 simple & easy family problems essay titles, ❓ research questions about family problems.

Family and Culture: Major Problems Facing Families Around the World Many of these family changes have come because of the result of globalization, which has occurred mainly due to the sophisticated technology available in the current world.
Marriage and Family Problems as Social Issues Sociology as a discipline has an extremely wide range of interests and it is next to impossible even to enumerate them, however the issue that has always been of the utmost importance for the sociological […] We will write a custom essay specifically for you by our professional experts 808 writers online Learn More
Case Study: A Multi-Problem Appalachian Family During one of her spells, she fell in the bathroom and hit her head on the tub, causing a subdural hemorrhage. In the last few months, he has developed acne, a source of great embarrassment […]
Vulnerable Families: Problems With Access to Healthcare Families with complex needs or vulnerable families are terms used to describe the families with particular disadvantages in access to healthcare.
The American Family: Current Problems It seems that the American families are under strain because there is a lack of a normative structure that would provide the parents with the necessary tools to orient their families.
Family Assessment in a Problem Oriented Record According to the available information the power relations in the family is on his side and the bulk of family responsibilities are reserved for Naomi.
Problem-Solving: Adolescent and Family However, it is possible to conclude that the reason for Brandon’s stress is his biased attitude towards his father and his father’s girlfriend, not only in his being abused by his father.
The Problem of Work-Family Imbalance in Society The absence of the mother in the family probably contributes to the work-family imbalance problem that Chris is facing in raising his son.
Problems in Marriage – The Weakening of Families The nuclear family begins from the father followed by the mother and then the children while the extended family begins from the grandfather down to the youngest grandchild in the family.
Relation of Family Problems to Patterns of Delinquent Involvement Among Urban Youth
Family Problems Among Recently Returned Military Veterans Referred for a Mental Health Evaluation
Psychological and Family Problems Associated With Learning Disabilities: Assessment and Intervention
Assessing Individual Family Members’ Constructions of Family Problems
Economic Problems Causing Marriage and Family Problems
Elderly Abuse, Teenage Pregnancy, and Proposed Solutions to These Two Family Problems
Determinants of Work-Related Family Problems Among Employed Parents
Matching Family Problems With Specific Family Preservation Services
Coping Profiles Associated With Psychiatric, Physical Health, Work, and Family Problems
Wrestling With Expatriate Family Problems: Japanese Experience in East Asia
Family Problems and Relationships for Adults With Borderline Personality Disorder
Treatment of Family Problems in Autism
Crack and Cocaine Users and Family Problems Caused by Their Addiction
Effects of Parental Divorce and Memories of Family Problems on Relationships Between Adult Children and Their Parents
The Association of Alcohol and Family Problems in a Remote Indigenous Australian Community
Relationship Between Suicidal Ideation and Family Problems Among Young Callers to the Japanese Crisis Hotline
Work Status, Financial Stress, Family Problems, and Gender Differences in the Prevalence of Depression in Chile
Delinquency and Family Problems in Incarcerated Adolescents With and Without a History of Inhalant Use
Conceptual Issues in Measuring and Assessing Family Problems
The Influence of Family Problems and Conflicts on Suicidal Ideation and Suicide Attempts in Elderly People
Producing Family Problems: Organization and Uses of the Family Perspective and Rhetoric in Family Therapy
Identity Status of Turkish University Students in Relation to Their Evaluation of Family Problems
Interactions of Gender and Race in Workers’ Help Seeking for Family Problems: Perceptions of Supervisor Support and Intervention
The Relationships Among Family Problems, Friends’ Troubled Behavior, and High Risk Youths’ Alcohol Use and Delinquent Behavior
Conditions Not Attributable to a Mental Disorder: An Epidemiological Study of Family Problems
Preventing Family Problems: Troubling Trends and Promising Opportunities
Use of School and Community Health Care Resources for Behavioral, Educational, and Social-Family Problems
An Evaluation of the Psychosocial Problems of the Homebound Cancer Patient: Patient Adjustment and Family Problems
Female Gender, Marital and Family Problems, and Feelings of Guilt Are Related to Self-Immolation Suicide Attempts
Prisoner Re-Entry, Family Problems and State Coercion in the Era of Neoliberalism
Gender Differences in an Exploratory Model of Family Problems and Stress-Related Experiences Among Justice-Involved Youth
Baccalaureate Student Perceptions of Challenging Family Problems: Building Bridges to Acceptance
Family Problems and Sports Performance: The Role of Couple’s Therapy in Treating Athletes and Their Families
Family Problems and Family Therapy in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Family Problems, Mental Health and Trauma Experiences of Justice-Involved Youth
Another Look at the Diagnosis and Treatment of Orthodox Jewish Family Problems
Police Intervention Into Family Crisis: The Role of Law Enforcement in Family Problems
Family Problems and Children’s Competencies Over the Early Elementary School Years
Family Problems Associated With the Presence of a Child With Handicap in Nigeria
The Secondary Emotional, Social, and Family Problems Found With Children and Adolescents With Learning Disabilities
How Can We Solve Family Problems?
What Are the Possible Consequences of Family Problems for Children?
How Do Teens Deal With Family Problems?
Will It Be Easier to Let Go With Families Problems by Ignoring Them, Instead of Always Thinking About Them?
What Are the Family Problems That Arise After Marriage?
What Are the Biggest Contemporary Family Problems?
How To Avoid Marital Problems With Teens?
Is Domestic Violence One of the Graetest Family Problems?
What Are the Four Types of Family Problems?
Which Are the Worst Family Problems That You Have Ever Faced?
What Family Problems Do People Face Today?
Do Family Problems Affect Pregnancy?
What Are China’s Modern Family Problems?
How Can I Avoid Family Problems During Pregnancy?
What Are the Family Problems in Saudi Arabia?
How to Cope With Family Problems Without Losing Your Sanity?
What Are the Main Family Problems?
How Can Family Problems Be Improved?
How Do Parents Solve Family Problems?
What Are Common Family Problems?
How Can Family Problems Affect a Child?
How Can We Avoid Our Family Problems After Marriage?
What Are the Five Causes of Family Problems?
How Do You Ignore Family Problems?
When Your Relatives Ignore Family Problems, Can You Break the Cycle on Your Own?
How Does Family Problems Affect Mental Health?
Is There Anyone in the World Who Doesn’t Have Family Problems?
What Are the Causes of Family Problems Between Husband and Wife?
How to Resolve Family Problems Till They Get Too Far?
What Are the Social Causes of Family Problems?
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Jul 5, 2023

How Broken Families Contribute To Broken Societies – An In-Depth Analysis

Written by: asif choudhury , executive contributor, executive contributors at brainz magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise..

Societies are intricate webs of interconnected individuals, bound together by shared values, beliefs, and norms. The strength and stability of a society depend on the well-being of its members, and at the heart of this social fabric lies the institution of the family. Families provide the nurturing environment necessary for individuals to thrive, imparting essential values, emotional support, and guidance. However, when families break apart or fail to fulfil their essential functions, the consequences can be far-reaching, impacting not only the individuals involved but also the broader society.

Photo of a father and daughter sitting beside the lake.

What is a broken family?

A broken family refers to a household in which the traditional structure of a married couple living together with their children is disrupted. This disruption can manifest through divorce, separation, single parenting, or the absence of one or both parents due to various circumstances. When families fracture, the repercussions can extend beyond the immediate members involved, leading to societal challenges and a weakened social fabric.

In this article, we will delve into the multifaceted ways in which broken families contribute to the deterioration of societies. We will explore the impact on individuals, communities, and the overall social order, shedding light on the interconnectedness of family dynamics and societal well-being. By examining the consequences of broken families, we can gain a deeper understanding of the underlying factors contributing to societal breakdown, and, ultimately, strive towards building stronger, more resilient communities.

Throughout history, families have served as the foundational unit of society, imparting values, norms, and cultural traditions from one generation to the next. Within the family structure, children learn fundamental social skills, develop emotional intelligence, and acquire a sense of identity. When families break apart, children often bear the brunt of the emotional turmoil, experiencing a range of challenges that can have long-term effects on their well-being.

Children growing up in broken families frequently face emotional and psychological difficulties. The absence of one or both parents can give rise to feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and confusion. These challenges can manifest in various ways, including low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and behavioural problems. The instability and conflict associated with broken families can disrupt a child's emotional development, hindering their ability to form healthy relationships and navigate social interactions effectively.

Broken families and the economic consequences

Moreover, broken families often result in economic hardships for both individuals and society at large. Single-parent households, particularly those headed by women, frequently face financial struggles due to limited earning potential and increased responsibilities. This can lead to higher rates of poverty, inadequate access to education and healthcare, and a greater reliance on public assistance programs. The strain on social welfare systems and public resources intensifies, creating an economic burden that impacts the overall functioning of society.

Beyond the individual and economic consequences, broken families also contribute to social fragmentation and disintegration. Strong families serve as the bedrock of social cohesion, fostering a sense of belonging, trust, and mutual support within communities. When families disintegrate, social ties and support networks weaken, leading to increased isolation, alienation, and a diminished sense of collective responsibility. This fragmentation can create an environment ripe for crime, social unrest, and a breakdown in societal bonds.

Furthermore, the consequences of broken families often perpetuate across generations, creating a cycle of societal instability. Children growing up in broken families are more likely to replicate the same patterns in their adult lives, continuing the cycle of broken relationships and fragmented family structures. The absence of positive parental role models and the lack of healthy relationship dynamics can distort their understanding of family values and diminish the likelihood of stable, nurturing family structures in future generations. This intergenerational transmission exacerbates the issues faced by society and makes it increasingly challenging to break the cycle of broken families.

The impact on educational oppor

Additionally, broken families can hinder educational opportunities for children, further exacerbating societal challenges. The absence of a stable family environment can disrupt a child's academic performance, leading to lower educational attainment and decreased prospects for future success. The financial strain faced by single-parent households may limit access to quality education, perpetuating socioeconomic inequalities and hindering overall social and economic progress.

Recognizing the far-reaching consequences of broken families is crucial for addressing the underlying issues and working towards solutions. Effective interventions should encompass comprehensive policies, social support systems, and community initiatives that strengthen family relationships and provide the necessary support for families facing challenges. By addressing the root causes and investing in the well-being of families, societies can foster stability, resilience, and social cohesion, ultimately mitigating the impact of broken families and working towards the collective well-being of all members of society.

To gain a deeper understanding of the impact of broken families on societies and explore effective strategies for building stronger family structures, we invite you to download our free e-book, "My Marriage Rocks" Discover valuable insights, practical tips, and expert advice to empower individuals, strengthen relationships, and contribute to the well-being of society as a whole.

Visit h ere to access your free e-book today and join us in creating resilient communities built on the foundation of strong families. Together, we can make a positive difference in the lives of individuals and the fabric of our societies.

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How to Grow Beyond the Pain of a Broken Family

Unresolved conflict with family members will affect all your other relationships. but there is a way to overcome your past..

Family , Anger , Healing , Relationships

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My parents, both drunk, were having a fight.

I was sleeping on the couch, or so they thought.

My father pushed my mother with enough force to break her pelvis. She ended up in the hospital.

I remember another time when they called my two brothers and my sister and I from our beds in the middle of the night. They were drunk again as they announced they were getting divorced.

We were asked to choose which parent we wanted to stay with.

These are just two among many crazy memories I have of my family. Some of the carnage of that time remains untold.

As a child, despair and sadness moved into my life like a fog. Thoughts of suicide sometimes lingered within that fog.

And the experiences of my closest relationships defined my life in ways I wasn’t sure I could overcome.

What about you? Do you struggle with memories of family relationships that feel like scars, maybe even open wounds?

Your primary relationships shape all the others

I am a survivor. Some might even describe me as a success as I graduated from high school and university with honors, despite my home life. But my survival carries with it the baggage of my childhood.

I’ve experienced deep-seated anger and bitterness toward my father. That anger infected other relationships.

I have no scientific proof but I believe that when you have significant, unresolved issues in your family, it affects all other relationships.

I call this “the theory of primary relationships”.

Forgiveness is easier said than done

I will never forget a conversation I had with a roommate at Colorado State University. He asked lots of questions, and the topic of my relationship with my father came up.

My friend said, “Mike, you need to love your dad.”

I knew that I didn’t, and wasn’t even sure I could. At best, my anger was mixed with pity.

I’m not sure my father ever understood how his actions affected me, but I know how mine affected him. So I chose to give him love as a gift.

A few months later, I looked my dad in the eyes and told him, “I love you.”

Then, on Father’s Day, I wrote him a letter, telling him the good things he’d done as a parent.

I never heard back from him, but my mother told me, “Your dad got your letter. He sat in his chair, read it and cried.”

Dealing with my relationship with my dad taught me lessons that improved other relationships.

How to move from bitter anger to love and forgiveness

Only by experiencing love and forgiveness myself, could I discover how to love and forgive the people who hurt me.

My sister, who shared my painful memories, helped me understand that God loved me even when I chose to reject Him. She told me that Jesus died to demonstrate God’s love for me, and then came back from the dead to offer me forgiveness.

As I experienced God’s forgiveness day-by-day, I developed a greater capacity to love and forgive others. My relationship with my father became the ultimate test of this ability to forgive. If God chose to love and forgive me, how could I not do the same for my father?

Pain and hurt from our “primary relationships” can be carried for a lifetime. The result is multiplied misery. Or it can be laid down as we choose to take hold of the forgiveness God offers us.

How do you take hold of what God is offering you?

This will sound too simple. But basically you ask Him for it.

Christians refer to this as praying, but that just means talking with God .

God already knows what you’re thinking and feeling. So He’s less concerned with your words than the attitude of your heart.

If you feel ready to receive the forgiveness God wants you to experience, you could pray something like this:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you. Thank you for dying on the cross so that I could know forgiveness for the ways I turned my back on you. I now invite you into my life and choose to hand over control to you. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Were you able to pray those words?

If you have, you have taken a huge step of faith. God will meet you as you come to Him each day with your hopes, dreams, fears and the pain of your past.

All relationships need time and intentionality in order to grow. It’s no different with God. We want to help you to go deeper with God using these resources which help you take the next step and the ones after that.

If you don’t feel ready to say that prayer yet, we can help you continue exploring what it means to know God and experience the life He wants for you.

Adapted from an article first published on familylifecanada.com

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Can A Broken Family Be Fixed?

Conflict and instability within a family can severely disrupt family members' roles. For most people, their family is a core feature of their social support network. Good relationships with family members increase mental health and provide protection and stability. When those relationships are disrupted or take on toxic traits, all family members have the potential to be affected.

Broken families come in many forms, and the approach to each one is different. If the dysfunction is severe or irreparable, such as when a parent passes away, professional help is often recommended. Qualified mental health professionals can use a variety of techniques to help a broken family recover or to help the family members reach a new, stable dynamic.

What does "broken" mean?

The broken home theory has historically been used to explain why juveniles are delinquent. Originating in the 1970s, the broken home theory defined a broken family as a family structure that deviates from the ideal. In American families, the ideal is typically considered to be a two-parent nuclear family. In broken home theory, one or both parents are absent due to death, divorce, separation, or desertion. A family missing one or both parents and the subsequent lack of role models has frequently been used to explain poorly-behaved children and adolescents.

While a family can certainly be broken due to the loss of a family member, many people refer to a broken family as one that does not work together in an ideal way. Both parents may be present, but one or both may not be a good role model. In this way, the broken home theory still holds. In a dysfunctional family , one or both parents may deviate from the ideal, producing similar (or sometimes more harmful) effects compared to leaving the family altogether. Extended family can be involved too. Conflict with aunts, uncles, and grandparents can also be dysfunctional.

For this article, "broken family" will refer to a family who has lost a parent, and "dysfunctional family" will refer to families who experience excessive conflict or instability. Both types of families will experience periods of difficulty, but no two situations will be the same. Some families may be grieving a loss of a parent, some families may be in an extended period of conflict, and others might be dealing with external issues, such as a parent's substance use disorder.

Broken from loss

This article will focus primarily on a family that is broken due to the permanent departure of one parent, either through death or abandonment. While divorce can undoubtedly break a family, if both parents are still involved in the children's lives, there is an opportunity for a new family dynamic. If you're worried about the impact a current or potential divorce may have on your family, there are resources to help you understand the impact the divorce may have on your family. A family broken from divorce can heal into a new, healthy dynamic. For children, good co-parenting practices can help introduce stability and reduce divorce's negative effects.

Grieving a broken family

When a parent leaves permanently, either through death or abandonment, there is no opportunity to co-parent or to re-establish a healthy family dynamic. After processing the circumstance of the other parent's departure, the remaining parent and children will have to establish a new family dynamic. Grief is a natural part of this process, and processing grief is the first step toward a healthy recovery.

Grief is not a predictable thing. Everyone grieves differently, depending on their individual personalities and the circumstances they are grieving. For the remaining parent, the death of their partner will likely produce a very different type of grief than if their former partner abandoned the family. For the children in the family , their grief is less likely to be affected by the circumstances of the loss. To them, the situation is simple. They have lost a parent.

Helping your family grieve

If you've lost your partner and are helping your children grieve the loss of a parent, the first person to take care of is you. Access your support network, and lean on people in your life you are compassionate and have the energy to share. Your extended family may also be grieving, and not everyone will be able to support you. Take note of the people who are offering support and use it. Don't put the needs of others before your own early in the grief process. If you delay grieving and attempt to support others before you are ready, you can complicate or extend your grieving process.

Surround yourself and your family with loved ones, even if they share your grief. Mourning together helps solidify family bonds. For children, having loved ones nearby, even if they are mourning, can help them feel safe and secure. Encourage the children to express their feelings healthily. Remember, children experience grief differently depending on their age. For example, young children may struggle to grasp the concept of death entirely, while older children or adolescents may struggle to express their feelings and the nuances of their grief.

Things will improve as the days and weeks pass since losing your partner. Recovering from grief starts slowly. Initially, you may only feel OK for a few hours. Eventually, those hours turn into days, and those days to weeks. Children typically follow a similar progression. However, in some cases, the grieving process can be disrupted, leading to complicated grief . In complicated grief, the grieving process is not moving forward and generally requires professional help.

Dysfunctional from conflict

A dysfunctional family is one where conflict and instability prevent healthy family attachments. For the scope of this article, we will consider families where both parents are present, but conflict prevents happiness and stability in the home. The dysfunction "breaks" the family.

The functional family

The characteristics of a healthy family define what a functional family looks like; significant deviation from the characteristics listed below indicates dysfunction. Healthy families typically do the following:

Allow and accept emotional expression.
Maintain consistent and obvious rules.
Consistently treat family members with respect.
All family members feel safe and secure in the home.
Parents care for the children, and children do not provide significant care to younger siblings.
Children have age-appropriate responsibilities.
Perfection is not expected or considered attainable.

Overall, a functional family is one where the members are safe, happy, free to express themselves and know their family role. If that is not the case, the family can be considered dysfunctional. Dysfunctional families can have a serious impact on children in the home, leading to increased misbehavior and mental health concerns. Similarly, adults are affected by losing part of their support network . Family typically provides an integral component of an individual's system of support.

Dysfunctional families can often be cyclical. For example, a parent's lack of support may result in a higher-than-average stress load. The stress reduces the effectiveness of their parenting, leading to increased misbehavior on the part of the child. The child's misbehavior increases the parent's stress, which further reduces their parenting effectiveness. Eventually, everyone is burnt-out, unhappy, and overstressed.

Making the dysfunctional functional

Family conflict is common, but excessive conflict can be harmful. Reducing conflict within a family typically begins by improving family communication . Often, spending effort on better communication can help parents and children feel better understood and bring to light the root of ongoing conflict.

Improving communication starts with ourselves . It is important to mediate our own emotions and bring peace to communication. This is especially important with children. Children do not have the same facility for communication as adults, and expectations for communication must be age appropriate. Still, each child should have an opportunity to express their feelings in a safe, secure environment.

As a parent, improving communication also means being available and willing to listen actively. Show your child you are listening by making eye contact and waiting for them to finish speaking before you address their thoughts. Be empathetic and compassionate in your communication, and never punish a healthy display of emotion. Most importantly, take time to model good communication with other family members such as other children, your partner, or extended family.

When to seek therapy

There is usually a path to happiness for any broken or dysfunctional family. However, that path may take a lot of work to find. If you are having trouble getting your family on the path to healing, online therapy is an excellent resource to investigate. Online therapists are licensed and use the same evidence-based methods as in-office therapists, like structural family therapy . You can avoid the hassle of packing up you or your family and traveling to an office; therapy takes place from the comfort of your home. Although the setting is different, research shows that visiting a therapist online is just as effective as seeing one in an office.

Below are some reviews of Regain counselors for you to review, from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor reviews

“Yumi is amazing and a perfect fit for us. Just having one video session help our family so much in so many ways. He responses are on point and we value it greatly. I can’t thank her enough for all she has continued to do to strengthen our family. I would recommend her to the world that’s how amazing she is.”

“I had left my family when I contacted Regain with the hope of salvaging a completely broken down relationship. Bradley was allocated to us. Bradley made one step at a time, said the right things at the right time and just seemed to get in tune with us to understand what was required in order to help resolve our relationship. He worked with us about once a week at the start then going more to once every ten days in the latter part of the counseling for about six months. We have managed to resolve our differences and are looking forward to a prosperous future in a healthy relationship. Bradley has given us the tools required to make sure we can quickly identify and know how to resolve any problems arising in the future. We couldn’t recommend him more. Thank you so much, Bradly and Regain!”

Families can be broken for almost any reason, but there is always hope. Whether your family is grieving a loss or experiencing conflict and emotional turmoil, there are resources that can help. Families can see results quickly by working to improve their communication, strengthen family bonds, and understand their grieving process. If conflict or grief becomes excessive or does not improve, a mental health professional can help guide the process forward.

FAQ (Frequently asked questions)

What is a broken family?

As a child, you don’t realize it, but this environment’s effects are life changing. There could be abuse or neglect. And there’s definitely a lack of support for a child or children in the family. The environment isn’t a loving one. The reason it’s a toxic dynamic is that these individuals aren’t caring for one another. These behaviors have been happening for a long time. The parents didn’t give the children the home life that they needed, and the family dynamics were unhealthy. The children don’t feel loved or safe. For healthy child development, there needs to be a stable family unit where parents and children care for one another. When kids see that their parents are unhealthy or toxic at a young age, the child’s life is at risk of developing further emotional problems. These are long term effects because the vast majority of children who are abused grow into young adults who have psychological or mental health problems. You can read articles on broken families on Psychology Today. There you can learn about the different aspects of the family unit and child development. If you come from a broken family, it can be helpful to attend a support group where you can get advice from other people who have grown up in dysfunctional family units. A broken family could have short term effects on a person as well as long term ones. In your life, no matter what, you will interact with your family. But, you get to choose what happens to those familial relationships after you become an adult. You get to decide what level of involvement you want to have with your family. If you are estranged from your biological loved ones, you may not know how to cope. Coming from a broken family doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s a frame of reference for why you have your set of core beliefs about family.

What are the effects of a broken family?

A broken family can be life changing. It can have severe effects on a person. In your life, no matter what happens, you will meet people who have endured a broken home environment. People in broken families may seek out support groups as adults, because they were put through neglect or abuse at a young age, and they don’t know the best ways to cope with their lives. Children in a broken family don’t feel safe. They’re afraid that at any moment something will go wrong. That anxiety will likely follow them into adulthood. As grownups, they may have mental health problems, such as PTSD, anxiety, or depression. These individuals may have difficulty connecting with others, forming attachments, or maintaining healthy relationships. There’s a large percent of children from broken families who don’t trust others and have difficulty forming emotional bonds with people. When you come from a broken family, you can create a better tomorrow by seeking therapy. The home life you experienced as a young person will influence the adult you become. You may have had a lack of support as a child, but you can recover from the effects of a broken family in your life no matter what, by finding a therapist who can give you that lasting support. If you’re unsure if you have been raised in a broken family, you can read about these dynamics in Psychology Today. You may gain some clarity into your childhood after reading these articles. Psychology Today has a wealth of resources for people who have suffered from childhood trauma. Depending on what issues you’re experiencing, you can find experts who have written about that type of trauma. On Psychology Today, you can also search for a therapist in your area. Getting treatment for trauma is crucial. And you don’t have to see a therapist in person! There are an increasing number of therapists available as online therapy becomes more and more popular. Our childhood scars don’t go away and can be painful if they are not addressed. Therapy is an excellent and safe place to talk about your pain and work through it with a mental health professional who cares.

What causes a broken family?

The causes of a broken family are that the parents have significant mental health problems, and they are not getting treated. You can read the studies about this on Psychology Today. When you have a mental illness, and you get the treatment, it can be life changing. That’s why therapy is so valuable. In a broken home, there is no treatment happening for mental health problems. There’s abuse or neglect, or substance abuse. The home life is unsafe or unstable. The family dynamics are unhealthy and causing dysfunction. Child development is crucial, and if you don’t have a healthy childhood, that can impact your adulthood.

What to do if you have a broken family?

If you have a broken family, it’s important that you seek help in the form of therapy. People don’t ask to be born into a toxic environment. But, you can get support after enduring one. Your home life as a child doesn’t have to define who you are now. When you seek help for your trauma, it’s life changing. There are many resources where you can read about traumatic experiences in early life. You can find articles about family dynamics, and what it’s to survive a broken home on Psychology Today. They may also have some articles that bring you out of your comfort zone. In the long run, it’s better to get treatment rather than ignoring how your childhood broken home is affecting your current life. One of the best ways to address these concerns is with an individual therapist or family therapist.

What’s considered a broken home?

A broken home is one where the parents are not caring for the children. The kids are abused or neglected. When the children are victims of abuse, and they don’t get treatment, that’s one example of a broken family home. In a broken home, quality time isn’t important.

Can a broken family be fixed?

You can read about family therapy in Psychology Today and see what the value is to people.

How do you love someone with a broken family?

Love has to do with acceptance. When you find someone who you love, it’s life changing. It brings you outside of your comfort zone. When you’re starting a new life with someone, it’s crucial to accept who they are. If you love someone who has a broken family, it means that you accept that they’ve had some trauma in their life, and you’re there to support them. You weren’t there, and you don’t know what they’re family life was like, or how it felt to be them as a child. You can ask them questions about it, but understand that some of these memories may be too traumatic to talk about at times. Everyone has a different family life. Psychology Today has many different resources for broken families. You can read about the life changing effects that broken homes have on children.

What are the signs of a broken family? How do you deal with a broken family? How does a broken family affect you emotionally?

Where To Find Free Or Low-Cost Therapy For Families Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant , LMHC
What Is The Family Systems Theory?

Broken Family Essay Example

Pages: 6 (1524 words)
Published: July 20, 2016
Type: Research Paper

In preparing this study the researchers earnestly searched for different books, article and other type of media reference including the internet. This study was thoroughly examined. Foreign studies Dysfunctional family is another term for broken family. It is family of which is conflicted with; misbehavior, child neglect or abuse on the part of an individual. A common misperception of dysfunctional families is the mistaken belief that the parents are on the verge of separation and divorce. While this is true in a few cases, often the marriage bond is very strong as the parents' faults actually complement each other.

In short, they have nowhere else to go. However, this does not necessarily mean the family's situation is stable. Any major stressor, such as relocation, unemployment/underemployment, physical or mental illness, natural disaster, etc. can cause existing conflicts affecting the children to

become much worse. Dysfunctional families have no social, financial or intellectual bounds. Nevertheless, until recent decades the concept of a dysfunctional family was not taken seriously by professionals (therapists, social workers, teachers, counselors, clergy, etc.), especially among the middle and upper classes.

Any intervention would have been seen as violating the sanctity of marriage and increasing the probability of divorce, which was socially unacceptable at the time. Historically, children of dysfunctional families were expected to obey their parents (ultimately the father), and cope with the situation alone. In United States, January 16, 2006 (LifeSiteNews. com) - The U. S Center for Marriage and Family released a study in November 2005 that shows broken family structures consistently lead to education difficulties for children.

“When it comes to educational achievement,” the stud

says, “children living with their own married parents do significantly better than other children. ” The report found that children from non-intact families (children living in a situation other than with their own married father and mother) have significantly higher rates of difficulty with all levels of education, from pre-kindergarten through to primary, secondary, and college-age levels. Each year a child spends with a single mother or stepparent “reduces that child’s overall educational attainment by approximately one-half year” suggests the report.

The study, a comprehensive review of recent academic research on the relationship between family structures and children’s academic performance, compared education outcomes from children growing up with their own married parents to children in non-intact family structures such as divorced, single, remarried or cohabiting parents. For teenagers, students from broken homes were 30 percent more likely to miss school, be late, or cut class than students from intact homes, in part because single parents had more difficulty monitoring their children.

Teenagers from non-intact families were more likely to be sexually active and had higher rates of pregnancy. Girls from divorced single-mother homes were at greatest risk for teenage pregnancy. The study reports that a majority of U. S. children will have spent a significant part of their childhood in a one-parent home by the time they reach 18. Single parent homes in the U. S. nearly doubled in the period from 1968-2003. Often the passive parent will make excuses or try to mitigate the damage that the problem parent has created, while failing to address the harmful actions that are destroying the family.

Clemens and Oelke (1967) and Emeke (1984) have

attributed the cause of poor academic performance to a combination of personal and institutional factors. Personal factors relate to the individual’s intelligence, knowledge and ability. Reviewed literature indicated that there is an awareness of the importance of the home environment or family on student’s academic performance. The home has a great influence on the students’ psychological, emotional, social and economic state. In the view of Ajila and Olutola (2007), the state of the home affects the individual since the parents are the first socializing122 V.O. Uwaifo agents in an individual’s life.

This is because the family background and context of a child affect his reaction to life situations and his level of performance. Although, the school is responsible for the experiences that make up the individual’s life during school periods, yet parents and the individual’s experiences at home play tremendous roles in building the personality of the child and making the child what he is. Thus, Ichado (1998) concluded that the environment in which the student comes from can greatly influence his performance at school.

Although, the home environment or family has been recognized as having a lot of influence on the academic performance of students (Nzewuawah 1995); Ajila and Olutola 2007). Previous studies have been concentrated on the area of socio-economic status of arents. Other aspects of parental environment such as the structure of the family have been grossly neglected. Yet, Ichado (1998) stated that parent’s constant disagreement affects children emotionally and this could lead to poor academic performance in school.

The family lays the psychosocial, moral and spiritual foundations in the overall development of the child. While the” mother’s significant

role in this cannot be over-emphasized. Studies on father-child relationship suggest that the presence of a father in the home influences significantly the development of a child (Agulanna 1999). Thus, parenthood is a responsibility requiring the full cooperation of both parents who must ensure the total development of their offspring(s). Structurally, a family is either broken or intact.

A broken family in this context is one that is not structurally intact for various reasons; death of a parent, divorce, separation, dissertation and illegitimacy in which case, the family was never completed (Conkline 1996). This analysis becomes necessary because life in a single parent family can be stressful for both the child and the parent. Such families are faced with the challenges of diminished financial resources (Children’s Defence Fund 1994), assumptions of new roles and responsibilities, establishment of new patterns in intra-familial interaction and reorganization of routines and schedules (Agulanna 1999).

Local Studies The Family is an essential factor for a human’s whole-being, everything about a man, his background, attitude, all of his achievements, his honor and dignity , relies on the structure of the family a man lives in with. A family is composed of a father a mother and their offspring, bonded by their love for each other. Here in the modern age a family could be two things, complete or broken. A broken family is believed to be a cause of a child’s mislead in life, some people give it as the main reason of the rebellious and unclear acts of children.

School, another factor which meld us on becoming successful, but how will it make us successful if we

can’t focus, we can’t do schooling like others cause we mind the problems we encounter in our homes. Many articles and support the issue that broken families affect the child’s performance, attitude and self-esteem. They show statistics that broken families affect much of the child’s emotional and spiritual being, that it greatly distresses the child’s education. If there are other factors which counter the problems he/she faces. Some might use friends and other stuff to forget things and focus on studies.

25 respondents were randomly selected from six schools. Results showed a significant relationship between broken homes and academic achievement of students. It was also discovered that female students from broken homes perform better in their studies than the male students, moreover, the result showed that low socio-economic status, also had an adverse effect on the academic performance of children from broken homes. There are many things that divorce does to a family, and there are many things that is does to the child. These effects are rarely positive, or helpful depending upon the family’s prior situation.

Divorce has many negative effects on the psychological, and social aspects of a child’s life. The research adds to a wealth of data that shows children suffer badly from divorce or parental break-up, and that those brought up by a single parent are more likely to do badly at school, suffer poor health, and fall into crime, addiction and poverty as adults. The report, funded by the Department of Health and published by the Office for National Statistics, investigated emotional disorders - ranked as those which cause considerable distress and interference with the way in which

children perform at school and during play.

It also looked at conduct disorders which result in aggressive, violent or anti-social behaviour. The researchers studied nearly 8,000 children aged between five and 16 in 2004 and found almost one in ten had disorders. The children were checked again last year. They were nearly three times more likely to exhibit a conduct disorder. Eleven per cent of those children whose families broke up had emotional disorders, against 3 per cent among those whose families were still together.

Nearly a third of children found to have mental disorders in 2004 still suffered from them three years later. The Department of Health said: ‘The Government is committed to helping children and young people experiencing mental health problems. ’ But academic Patricia Morgan, author of several studies on family break-up, said: ‘This does not come as a surprise, and things are going to get worse. ‘Broken families and serial fathers produce homes full of conflict and chaos and they are terrible for children. ’

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Learning to Accept My Broken Family

Written By Sheila May, originally in Bahasa Indonesia

“ My biggest mistake in life is marrying you !” Since I was in kindergarten, I would often hear my parents hurl that statement at each other; they fought right before our eyes. And almost every day, my siblings and I had to be their mediators. When I was 12 years old, my parents decided to separate.

“Don’t bother about it. That is their business.” That was the first thought that crossed my mind when I found out about their decision to separate. As I grew older, however, I realized that the problem was even bigger than I thought. I was right in the centre of it. I could not simply ignore it. I was frustrated.

As time went by, “family” became a topic I always avoided in my chat with friends. I tried to erase that word from my mind. One day, I got a ride with my friend’s family. As I sat in the back of the car and watched them banter and exchange jokes with one another, a warm feeling came over my heart. I cried silently. I was happy, sad, and sorry for myself, all at the same time. I told myself, “So this is what a family is all about.”

Looking at my own family, I felt very disappointed and angry. I hated everyone in my family and I didn’t bother to keep my emotions hidden. I expressed my thoughts and emotions openly to my friends. They started to keep their distance from me. I was tired of living with my family, but I had nowhere to go. I felt as though I was going crazy.

In the three years after my parents separated, I tried my best to spend as little time as possible at home. I walked home from school so that I did not have to reach home early. The only reason I went home was to sleep at night. One day, a friend invited me to her church. I agreed immediately. After all, it was a good reason to stay away from home. I later found out that her church was going to hold a three-day retreat. Three days away from home? Yes, count me in!

Those three days changed my life forever. It was there that God saved me. I realized my sinful nature, and at the same time, I came to know the forgiveness and love He was offering me. I felt immensely thankful.

But it was not as though everything became perfect immediately. Back home, I still faced the same battles every day. I did not automatically become a good, nice, and obedient child. I continued to struggle against my sinful characteristics. I still could not accept my family.

Throughout that time, God held my hand and waited patiently for me to get over my rebellious phase. When I finally sat down and examined the pieces of my broken family, I realized that brokenness was everywhere, not just in my family. Everyone faced problems, whether they were friends, neighbors, religious people or secular people—even those in full-time ministry did too. What I had been going through all these years was a reflection of the reality of this fallen world; I was not the only one facing these battles. There were millions of others facing similar battles, some worse than mine.

I also came to realize that while I did not choose to be born into my family, God had chosen to place me here. And if He had sent His own son, Jesus, to give His life to save my soul, how could I doubt His love for me? He is a good Father, and it must be in His divine purpose to place me, His daughter, here, although I have not understood it yet. The best thing I can do for my future is to fully accept myself and this family God has placed me in.

Being able to do this has opened my heart. Although there have not been many changes in my family in the 10 years that have passed since I became a Christian, I can see many transformations in my own life. God has used my family situation to shape me. I’ve learned to control my emotions when I am provoked, I’ve learned to forgive even when I may be hurt again, and I’ve learned to love those whom I do not think deserve it.

God did not change my life situation in order to change my heart. He let me experience what it means to lose hope so that I can see Him as the only hope in my life. He is too good to be unkind and too wise to be mistaken. He provides healing for my hurts, He provides comfort for my tears (2 Cor 1:3-4). In all things, He has a purpose (Rom 8:28-29). And, in every situation, He gives strength (Phil 4:13).

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Sexual violence victim-survivor advocates start new support group in Broken Hill

Red-haired woman wearing colourful dress sits on a park bench

A new sexual assault support group in Broken Hill aims to break the cycle of abuse for local women and is helping its facilitator heal herself.

Barkindji/Ngiyampaa woman Klaudia Martin-Files was born in Broken Hill and is a survivor of child sexual abuse.

The 26-year-old is still working through her own trauma.

But through her work facilitating the Survivor Hub, she hopes to help others who have experienced sexual assault.

"I like to use my experiences for something good," she said.

A woman wearing a colourful dress smiling at the camera.

"I've had some people that said to me that they wish that they had this when they were younger so that they could have dealt with their things in the same way at a younger age."

Ms Martin-Files said there was a strong stigma in society around sexual violence and it was hard to shake the feeling of shame, particularly in a small town.

"You're guaranteed to walk down the street and know somebody," she said.

"I feel like people should be able to talk about these things, that it should be an open conversation.

"Because when it's not it leaves people sitting in the darkness and feeling like they're alone and isolated."

Young women seeking support

The Survivor Hub is a discreet meeting group for sexual assault survivors to meet and support each other as they look forward to their futures.

Ms Martin-Files is the groups' facilitator, but the initiative was started by Anna Coutts-Trotter , a 23-year-old Sydney social work student.

Ms Coutts-Trotter was on a university placement in Broken Hill when she met counsellor Rebecca Deer and decided to set up a local extension of the Survivor Hub.

Young woman with long blonde hair and bright purple shirt half-tucked into jeans stands on street smiling.

Also a survivor of sexual abuse and domestic violence, Ms Coutts-Trotter has set up the Survivor Hub in Sydney and other NSW regions.

Ms Coutts-Trotter has been open about experiencing an abusive relationship while she was in high school.

"We've got a lot of young people that come to our meet-ups, particularly young women," Ms Coutts-Trotter said.

"It's the most heartbreaking thing about doing this work."

Ms Deer, who lives in Broken Hill, said conversations around sexual violence were need in all corners of the state.

"I heard about it, and met Anna, who is just such a light … in this area that I was just captivated, and really wanted to run with her and really support her in any way we can," she said.

"While there are a number of peer support groups there has been nothing that specifically supports victims or survivors of violence, abuse and neglect."

Shortage of services, housing hurts response

Domestic Violence NSW deputy CEO Elise Phillips said people in rural Australia were 24 times more likely to be hospitalised due to domestic violence than those in capital cities.

She said Broken Hill has a dearth of services, including those relating specifically to domestic violence and sexual assault and also related areas like housing and health.

"Victim-survivors of domestic and family violence are often required to travel vast distances to access safe accommodation," she said.

Close-up short of a woman with bob-length dark hair smiling and looking into the camera.

"It means they're having to leave their supports they might have within their local community.

"We have heard that that's particularly a challenge for First Nations communities, because they will be particularly reluctant to leave those community ties in order to access housing."

The Survivor Hub has so far attracted small numbers, but its organisers say it has already had an impact on women in the city.

A woman wearing a blue shirt standing against a wall.

Ms Coutts-Trotter said she hoped its continued presence would encourage more women to attend and seek support from others.

"There is so much blame and shame put onto survivors of sexual violence and the blame and the shame doesn't belong with us … it belongs with the perpetrator," she said.

"It's something that needs to change societally, and it needs to be reflected in the laws and the education and the conversations that people are having."

Watch Australian Story's Out of the Chaos, 8 pm, on ABC TV and ABC iview .

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First Indigenous violence, abuse and neglect graduate in NSW begins work in Broken Hill

Why domestic violence rates intensify the further west you go

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Domestic violence report of country women shows little change in attitudes

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Guest Essay

The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex

A pile of bed linens on a night stand next to a bed.

By Peggy Orenstein

Ms. Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

Debby Herbenick is one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior. The director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of the pointedly titled book “Yes, Your Kid,” she usually shares her data, no matter how explicit, without judgment. So I was surprised by how concerned she seemed when we checked in on Zoom recently: “I haven’t often felt so strongly about getting research out there,” she told me. “But this is lifesaving.”

For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking. Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four.

As someone who’s been writing for well over a decade about young people’s attitudes and early experience with sex in all its forms, I’d also begun clocking this phenomenon. I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed.

I started to ask more, and the stories piled up. Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.) A male freshman said “girls expected” to be choked and, even though he didn’t want to do it, refusing would make him seem like a “simp.” And a senior in high school was angry that her friends called her “vanilla” when she complained that her boyfriend had choked her.

Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens . As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room.

Choking, Dr. Herbenick said, seems to have made that first leap in a 2008 episode of Showtime’s “Californication,” where it was still depicted as outré, then accelerated after the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” By 2019, when a high school girl was choked in the pilot of HBO’s “Euphoria,” it was standard fare. A young woman was choked in the opener of “The Idol” (again on HBO and also, like “Euphoria,” created by Sam Levinson; what’s with him ?). Ali Wong plays the proclivity for laughs in a Netflix special, and it’s a punchline in Tina Fey’s new “Mean Girls.” The chorus of Jack Harlow’s “Lovin On Me,” which topped Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for six nonconsecutive weeks this winter and has been viewed over 99 million times on YouTube, starts with, “I’m vanilla, baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.” How-to articles abound on the internet, and social media algorithms feed young people (but typically not their unsuspecting parents) hundreds of #chokemedaddy memes along with memes that mock — even celebrate — the potential for hurting or killing female partners.

I’m not here to kink-shame (or anything-shame). And, anyway, many experienced BDSM practitioners discourage choking, believing it to be too dangerous. There are still relatively few studies on the subject, and most have been done by Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues. Reports among adolescents are now trickling out from the United Kingdom , Australia , Iceland , New Zealand and Italy .

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction. But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men. Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences. (In a separate study , Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.) Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks. For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it. No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault . Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained. The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples. “It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner). It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good.

“Personally, my hypothesis is that this is one of the reasons young people are delaying or having less sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Because it’s uncomfortable and weird and scary. At times some of them literally think someone is assaulting them but they don’t know. Those are the only sexual experiences for some people. And it’s not just once they’ve gotten naked. They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve only tried to make out with someone once because he started choking and hitting me.’”

Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, was one of the first researchers to sound the alarm on how the cumulative, seemingly inconsequential, sub-concussive hits football players sustain (as opposed to the occasional hard blow) were key to triggering C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease. He’s a good judge of serious threats to the brain. In response to Dr. Herbenick’s work, he’s turning his attention to sexual strangulation. “I see a similarity” to C.T.E., he told me, “though the mechanism of injury is very different.” In this case, it is oxygen-blocking pressure to the throat, frequently in light, repeated bursts of a few seconds each.

Strangulation — sexual or otherwise — often leaves few visible marks and can be easily overlooked as a cause of death. Those whose experiences are nonlethal rarely seek medical attention, because any injuries seem minor: Young women Dr. Herbenick studied mostly reported lightheadedness, headaches, neck pain, temporary loss of coordination and ear ringing. The symptoms resolve, and all seems well. But, as with those N.F.L. players, the true effects are silent, potentially not showing up for days, weeks, even years.

According to the American Academy of Neurology, restricting blood flow to the brain, even briefly, can cause permanent injury, including stroke and cognitive impairment. In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.

The hemispheres in the choked group’s brains, too, were badly skewed, with the right side hyperactive and the left underperforming. A similar imbalance is associated with mood disorders — and indeed in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys girls and women who had been choked were more likely than others (or choked men) to have experienced overwhelming anxiety, as well as sadness and loneliness, with the effect more pronounced as the incidence rose: Women who had experienced more than five instances of choking were two and a half times as likely as those who had never been choked to say they had been so depressed within the previous 30 days they couldn’t function. Whether girls and women with mental health challenges are more likely to seek out (or be subjected to) choking, choking causes mood disorders, or some combination of the two is still unclear. But hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation — judging by what research has shown about other types of traumatic brain injury — could be a contributing factor. Given the soaring rates of depression and anxiety among young women, that warrants concern.

Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up. Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion. All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing. So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us. Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough. Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love.

By now I’m guessing that parents are curled under their chairs in a fetal position. Or perhaps thinking, “No, not my kid!” (see: title of Dr. Herbenick’s book above, which, by the way, contains an entire chapter on how to talk to your teen about “rough sex”).

I get it. It’s scary stuff. Dr. Herbenick is worried; I am, too. And we are hardly some anti-sex, wait-till-marriage crusaders. But I don’t think our only option is to wring our hands over what young people are doing.

Parents should take a beat and consider how they might give their children relevant information in a way that they can hear it. Maybe reiterate that they want them to have a pleasurable sex life — you have already said that, right? — and also want them to be safe. Tell them that misinformation about certain practices, including choking, is rampant, that in reality it has grave health consequences. Plus, whether or not a partner initially requested it, if things go wrong, you’re generally criminally on the hook.

Dr. Herbenick suggests reminding them that there are other, lower-risk ways to be exploratory or adventurous if that is what they are after, but it would be wisest to delay any “rough sex” until they are older and more skilled at communicating. She offers language when negotiating with a new partner, such as, “By the way, I’m not comfortable with” — choking, or other escalating behaviors such as name-calling, spitting and genital slapping — “so please don’t do it/don’t ask me to do it to you.” They could also add what they are into and want to do together.

I’d like to point high school health teachers to evidence-based porn literacy curricula, but I realize that incorporating such lessons into their classrooms could cost them their jobs. Shafia Zaloom, a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, recommends, if that’s the case, grounding discussions in mainstream and social media. There are plenty of opportunities. “You can use it to deconstruct gender norms, power dynamics in relationships, ‘performative’ trends that don’t represent most people’s healthy behaviors,” she said, “especially depictions of people putting pressure on someone’s neck or chest.”

I also know that pediatricians, like other adults, struggle when talking to adolescents about sex (the typical conversation, if it happens, lasts 40 seconds). Then again, they already caution younger children to use a helmet when they ride a bike (because heads and necks are delicate!); they can mention that teens might hear about things people do in sexual situations, including choking, then explain the impact on brain health and why such behavior is best avoided. They should emphasize that if, for any reason — a fall, a sports mishap or anything else — a young person develops symptoms of head trauma, they should come in immediately, no judgment, for help in healing.

The role and responsibility of the entertainment industry is a tangled knot: Media reflects behavior but also drives it, either expanding possibilities or increasing risks. There is precedent for accountability. The European Union now requires age verification on the world’s largest porn sites (in ways that preserve user privacy, whatever that means on the internet); that discussion, unsurprisingly, had been politicized here. Social media platforms have already been pushed to ban content promoting eating disorders, self-harm and suicide — they should likewise be pressured to ban content promoting choking. Traditional formats can stop glamorizing strangulation, making light of it, spreading false information, using it to signal female characters’ complexity or sexual awakening. Young people’s sexual scripts are shaped by what they watch, scroll by and listen to — unprecedentedly so. They deserve, and desperately need, models of interactions that are respectful, communicative, mutual and, at the very least, safe.

Peggy Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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An earlier version of this article misstated the network on which “Californication” first appeared. It is Showtime, not HBO. The article also misspelled a book and film title. It is “Fifty Shades of Grey,” not “Fifty Shades of Gray.”

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How to Grow Beyond the Pain of a Broken Family

Your primary relationships shape all the others

Forgiveness is easier said than done

How to move from bitter anger to love and forgiveness

How do you take hold of what God is offering you?

Where Do You Find Your Value?

Related Topics:

When Your Life is No Cinderella Story

He Had Two Affairs in 18 Months

Can A Broken Family Be Fixed?

What does "broken" mean?

Broken from loss

Grieving a broken family

Helping your family grieve

Dysfunctional from conflict

The functional family

Making the dysfunctional functional

When to seek therapy

Counselor reviews

What is a broken family?

What are the effects of a broken family?

What causes a broken family?

What to do if you have a broken family?

Broken Family Essay Example

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Learning to Accept My Broken Family

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