essay on old age parents

What Aging Parents Want From Their Kids

There’s a fine line between caring and controlling—but older adults and their grown children often disagree on where it is.

Several years ago, I wrote a book aimed at helping adult children of my generation manage the many challenges of caring for our aging parents. I interviewed women and men across the country about their struggles and successes. I also spoke with members of the helping professions: geriatricians, social workers, elder-law attorneys, administrators of assisted-living facilities, and just about anyone and everyone who I thought could shed light on the subject. Everybody, that is, except the aging parents.

That now strikes me as a glaring omission. No doubt it’s because I’ve since become an aging parent that I find myself looking at the matter of parent care from a different perspective. I nod in agreement when the son of a friend expresses concern to me about his dad driving after dark, but I also understand when my friend, his father, complains of “being badgered by my kids about my driving.” He and his children may have different answers to the situation’s key questions: How serious a problem is the father’s driving? And how capable is the father of making his own decisions?  Certainly there are situations where an adult child’s intervention in the ailing parent’s life is clearly needed, but what if this isn’t one of those times?

As parents get older, attempts to hold on to our independence can be at odds with even the most well-intentioned “suggestions” from our children. We want to be cared about but fear being cared for. Hence the push and pull when a well-meaning offspring steps onto our turf.

Another case in point: My friend Julia and I recently met at a local museum. She’s 75, a retired editor and volunteer docent. Over lunch, we caught up on family news—kids, grandkids. She took out an iPhone to show me pictures. I asked about her daughter, who had recently moved back to the East Coast from Chicago. “It must be nice to see her more often,” I said.

Julia sighed. “Yes, but—” she said.  “Whenever Brenda drops by, I’m not sure whether she’s come to visit or to check up on me: Does my home meet the clean test? Is the yogurt in my refrigerator long past its ‘use by’ date?”

“I feel like I’m constantly being assessed,” she concluded.

I have some idea of what she means. My husband and I have taken to checking the due dates of groceries prior to a visit from any of our three sons. They’ve even got the grandkids going through my spice cabinet. For them it’s a game, except I don’t feel like playing. Ten years ago, I probably would have joined in the fun. Now I’m more sensitive to being criticized.

A week later, I found myself discussing the same thing with Elinor, another friend of mine. We had been talking about a number of recently aired tributes to Frank Sinatra when we blocked on the name of another singer of that era. “I see an M ,” I said. Running through the alphabet often works for me. Triumphantly, Elinor came up with the right answer: Mel Torme. She was relieved.

“My son and daughter-in-law have made me very self-conscious about my memory,” Elinor told me. “Whenever they catch me in a lapse like not knowing the day’s date—I mean, I know it’s a Thursday, but is it the 21st or 22nd of the month?” Whenever she has trouble finding the right word, “they exchange these long, meaningful looks.” The only thing their scrutiny accomplished, she told me, was putting her on edge when they spent time together.

Has she talked to them about her feelings? No, she said. “I do enjoy their company, but I also find myself looking for excuses to see them less often.”

So what are older parents looking for in relationships with their adult children? In a 2004 study, two professors from the State University of New York at Albany, the public-health professor Mary Gallant and the sociologist Glenna Spitze, explored the issue in interviews with focus groups of older adults. Among their findings: Their participants “express strong desire for both autonomy and connection in relations with their adult children, leading to ambivalence about receiving assistance from them. They define themselves as independent but hope that children’s help will be available as needed. They are annoyed by children’s overprotectiveness but appreciate the concern it expresses. They use a variety of strategies to deal with their ambivalent feelings, such as minimizing the help they receive, ignoring or resisting children’s attempts to control …”

“One of the scariest things to people as they age is that they don’t feel in control anymore,” says Steven Zarit, a professor of human development and family studies at Pennsylvania State University. “So if you tell your dad not to go out and shovel snow, you assume that he’ll listen. It’s the sensible thing. But his response will be to go out and shovel away … It’s a way of holding on to a life that seems to be slipping back.”

Whether that means he’s independent or intransigent depends on who’s making the call. A recent study by Zarit  and his colleagues looked at parental stubbornness as a complicating factor in intergenerational relationships. Not surprisingly, adult children were more likely to say their parents were acting stubborn than the parents were to see the behavior in themselves. Understanding why parents may be “insisting, resisting, or persisting in their ways or opinions,” the study reads, can lead to better communication. Zarit’s advice to the adult child: “Do not pick arguments. Do not make a parent feel defensive. Plant an idea, step back, and bring it up later. Be patient.”

But that goes both ways. I speak from experience when I say that too often, parents engage in magical thinking—our children should have known x , or should have done y —and then we’re disappointed if they don’t come through. The onus here is on us older parents to speak up. The clearer we are in describing our feelings and stating our needs, the better our chances of having those needs met.

Karen Fingerman, who was a co-author on Zarit’s study, suggests a different approach. A professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas, Fingerman is also the director of a three-generational study that focuses on middle-aged children and how they care for the generations above and below them. “The research shows that they have a pretty good idea of what their parents’ needs really are,” she says. “Older parents might do better to try to understand and address the child’s concerns. We found in our research that when the middle-aged adult is worried about the aging parent, the parent is both annoyed by that and feels more loved.”

At a recent 80th-birthday party for my friend Leah, I found myself seated at a table for eight, all women of a certain age: my very own focus group. At the main table, Leah was surrounded by her family: two sons, their wives, seven grandchildren. A photographer was taking pictures. A beautiful family, all my tablemates agreed.

“While we’re on the subject of families …” I began. I asked the women about their own families, specifically about anything they might want to say to their own adult children. “I’d just want to say thank you,” said one, “and I do say it all the time.” She explained that she was sidelined by a back ailment this past year, and “my daughters, despite their busy social and professional lives, bent over backwards to do everything for their father and me.”

“What I’d want to say to my daughters?” asked another woman, seated to my right. “I’d want to tell them, ‘Buzz off.’” The daughters are both in their early fifties; their mother, widowed early in her marriage, is fiercely proud of her success as a single mother. “They’re always offering to do this, do that, and do the other thing, and it just drives me crazy,” she said. “It tells me that they think I’m not competent.” As a result, she’s stopped telling them when she really does have a problem.

Our conversation was brought to a close by the sound of a spoon clicking against glass. Leah’s older son rose to offer a toast. “To the birthday girl,” he began, going on to extol his mother’s virtues … Other toasts followed. Finally, Leah took the floor. “To my wonderful family …” she began. In her case, I guess that said it all.

A previous version of this article appeared on NYCityWoman .

Taking Care of Elderly Parents

Feeling guilty and forgiving yourself..

Posted August 23, 2016 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• Coping With Guilt
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As caregivers, we often feel guilty for not rescuing our parents from the pain and discomfort of old age. But we cannot rescue them; we can only offer our love and support and hope they accept it. Yet, many of us do offer that to our elderly parents and still feel guilty. What is this guilt about?

In my experience and in my discussions with other caregivers I have found a variety of complex experiences that we refer to as “guilt.” Some forms of guilt have to do with not meeting other people’s expectations, while other forms have to do with not meeting our own.

There is the guilt we feel when we don’t do things that we think we “should.” These “shoulds” are injunctions that we have not completely internalized as our own. When you say “I should visit my mother every day,” it really means you imagine someone else thinks you “should.” Perhaps you imagine your relatives think you should visit your mother every day. When you think: “I should make dinner for my family instead of visiting my mother after work,” you are not saying you think that’s right or that’s what you wish to do. Rather, you are expressing the feeling that other people, perhaps your husband, thinks that it is the right thing to do. Conflicting “shoulds” can be quite anxiety -provoking, making you feel torn in many directions.

Then there is separation guilt—the guilt that communicates: “I am a separate person, I have different values or different needs than you do. We are not one.” Separation guilt may emerge as a result of physically separating from your parent—moving to a different city. But separation can be symbolic as well as physical. Making different choices about how to live your life can give rise to separation guilt as well. Each move toward self-development can feel like a betrayal of your mother because you are living your own separate life.

And there is guilt as a result of having an envious mother. One of my patients, Patricia, feels guilty for having anything more than her mother. Her mother did not enjoy her daughter’s achievements; she was contemptuous of them because she was envious. Having sensed her mother’s envy beneath the contempt, Patricia feels guilty for going to graduate school when her mother left school after high school to care for her sick father. Patricia admitted she even felt guilty for not having arthritis and cancer as her mother did.

On the other hand, there is moral guilt—a response to a violation of our own moral code. If you’ve spent your life believing elderly people should be kept in the community and decide to put your father in a nursing home, the guilt you experience is “moral guilt.” Moral guilt is painful because it shakes your sense of self and involves a reconsideration of beliefs you took for granted.

There is also the guilt that one experiences as a result of ambivalent feelings toward your parent. If you are angry toward your mother when you have to decide whether to put her in a nursing home, there is always the question of whether you are doing what your mother needs or you are trying to hurt her.

And then there is the guilt of feeling you are the special one who can offer comfort and solace, but other exigencies of your life (like living far away) make you unavailable to do so. Sometimes it is true that you are the only one who can offer comfort and solace — you may be an only child and your parent is widowed. That is a painful conflict when you have other obligations that are even more compelling—young children or a sick husband.

However, in some cases feeling that you are the only one who can offer comfort is a wish to be special rather than reality. In that case, as painful as the guilt is, it is the price for feeling special. Feeling less guilty involves the realization that you are not the only person who can provide some comfort for your mother, allowing you to mobilize other people to do so.

My friend Susan suffers from “shoulds” and from separation guilt. Susan’s mother was born in Italy and feels that daughters are obligated to have their parents live with them when they get old. She feels angry that Susan will not let her live with her and Susan feels guilty. Susan feels she “should” invite her mother, and if she were a good daughter, she would.

But Susan was not born in Italy. She is an American-born writer with a Ph.D., and she does not believe that daughters are obligated to have their parents live with them; she just feels like she “should.” In addition, Susan suffers from separation guilt. When she says “no you can’t live with me” to her mother she is also saying: “I am a separate person Mom, I have different values than you do. I don’t want to live my life the way you did.”

What might help Susan allay her guilt and forgive herself? She has to think about whether she agrees with those “shoulds.” Who is it that thinks she “should” do this or that? What does she believe is right? If what she believes is right does not coincide with the “shoulds,” then she has to decide if she wants to mold her life around what those people think she “should” do.

Susan knows that if her mother moves into her house she will feel perpetually angry toward her because her mother will not be satisfied with the level of Susan’s attentiveness to her. Susan will also feel bad about herself for feeling angry toward her mother for intruding in her life and violating her privacy. Her mother wants something that Susan does not want to give. Susan has set a limit.

If Susan cannot give her mother all that she wants, what can she do for her? She can fulfill her own moral standard by finding a warm, safe environment for her mother where she will have social contacts and be taken care of. She can talk to her mother’s doctor about prescribing anti-depressants . But she cannot rescue her mother. However, she may drown trying.

This is an excerpt from my book: Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents Even if They Didn't Take Care of You, pgs. 84-88.

Roberta Satow, Ph.D. is a professor emeritus at Brooklyn College and a private practice psychotherapist in Manhattan.

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The Unique Struggles and Benefits Older Parents Face

Financial security.

• More Free Time
• Appreciation for Parenthood

Stable Relationships

More life experience, generations gap, health concerns, being set in your ways.

• Caring for Aging Parents

The number of older parents is on the rise. Many more women are waiting until their 30s and 40s to have babies, according to a report from the Centers for Disease Control. When planning your family's future, consider the unique struggles and benefits older parents face.

Caiaimage / Paul Bradbury / Getty Images

The first benefit of having children later in life is financial security. Older parents who've waited to have children have likely spent most of their adult lives working. They're more likely to have already climbed the career ladder and feel financially ready to raise children.

Financial security helps defray the high costs of raising a child but also allows parents to be prepared for unexpected expenses and college tuition.

More Time to Spend With the Kids

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With financial security can come more time to spend with the kids. Those countless hours and late nights at the office may equate to a lot of accumulated vacation time and personal days.  

Even if one parent gives up their job to become a stay-at-home parent, their partner may have several weeks of time to take off for family vacations or to help out at home when the kids are sick. Those extra days add up when you compare them to a younger parent who may only get five paid days off of work per year.​​

A Greater Appreciation for Being a Parent

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If you've been waiting most of your life to have a baby, your appreciation for that child grows even deeper once they arrive. Research has found that older parents tend to be more positive in their parenting roles. That positive parenting attitude may translate into kids that grow up to have fewer behavioral, social or emotional difficulties.

Older parents usually spend years, even decades, planning for their babies, saving money to spend on their babies and simply dreaming about their future children. This extra planning may give them a greater appreciation of the joys of parenthood once that baby is in their arms.

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Kids are wonderful, miraculous beings. They can also put even the strongest relationships to the test. It's easy to lash out at your spouse because your fussy baby has kept you up all night or your once-sweet child has suddenly decided to turn into the smart-aleck teenager you used to be.

Many older parents have been together a while and/or have vast support networks of friends and family ready to support them through parenting. They may have waited to have children, but they know their own strengths and weakness as individuals and as a couple, and that can play to their advantage over a younger couple who may not have been together as long or weathered as many storms.

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Younger and older parents have the same experience as a mom or dad before their first child is born: zero. However, older parents may have a decade or more of life experience . An older parent tends to approach parenthood with more maturity based on both age and that life experience.

There are a number of perks that come with the extra years of being an adult . They include knowing who you are as a person and not feeling like you've missed anything in your life because you had children so young. You are better able to handle medical, school, and day-to-day situations with less drama, more knowledge, and calmness.

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There are plenty of downsides older parents face as well, such as a generations, yes, generations gap. When they're graduating high school , you'll be the age of most other kids' grandparents .

But not only are you a generation older, more than likely you're generations older than your child. Even parents in their twenties sometimes feel out of touch with what's going on when it comes to their children. But older parents may be three to four decades apart from their kids, making their gap even larger.

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You may not want to admit it, but you've been on the planet a long time. You're pretty tired, and that exhaustion will be magnified once you have kids. As babies turn into toddlers and toddlers turn into sprinting kids , you may wish someone would put you down for a nap . Kids have endless energy, and, unfortunately, grown-ups, especially older ones, don't.

Most parents experience tiredness, but you're more prone to experience parental exhaustion as an older parent.

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Not only do you have to worry about your child's health, but you may also be concerned about your own health. Parents of any age can face health issues, but older parents are at an increased risk of medical problems simply because they're aging. You're also slowing down, getting more tired, and sometimes just need to take a physical break more than your younger parent counterparts.

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You may have done everything your way for a long time now. You may be set in your ways, and now there are these tiny people who are tearing up the house that used to be spotless as well as interrupting your scheduled plans with public tantrums that cause you to have to leave your favorite places early. Being an older parent requires many adjustments to the life you once knew and were accustomed to for so long.  

Taking Care of Your Parents While Raising Kids

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Older parents may find themselves raising young children and caring for their own parents at the same time. It's so common, it's even got a name: the Sandwich Generation. Your time has to be split between caring for everyone, and that can leave you with a more hectic, emotionally and physically draining lifestyle than a mom who's in their twenties.

Younger parents may also be able to rely on grandparents for child care and other financial and emotional support. But your children's grandparents are older, and may not be able to help out as much (even if they don't require a lot of your time and care).

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Natality dashboard .

US Department of Agriculture. 2015 expenditures on children by families .

US Bureau of Labor Statistics. A look at consolidated leave plans in 2018 .

Trillingsgaard T, Sommer D. Associations between older maternal age, use of sanctions, and children’s socio-emotional development through 7, 11, and 15 years . Eur J Dev Psychol . 2018;(15)2:141-155. doi:10.1080/17405629.2016.1266248

Zondervan-Zwijnenburg MAJ, Veldkamp SAM, Neumann A, et al. Parental age and offspring childhood mental health: A multi-cohort, population-based investigation . Child Dev . 2020;91(3):964-982. doi:10.1111/cdev.13267

Rush Medical Center. Keep your energy as you age .

Niccoli T, Partridge L. Ageing as a risk factor for disease . Curr Biol . 2012;22(17):R741-52.  doi:10.1016/j.cub.2012.07.024

Ersche KD, Lim TV, Ward LHE, Robbins TW, Stochl J. Creature of habit: a self-report measure of habitual routines and automatic tendencies in everyday life . Pers Individ Dif . 2017;116:73-85.  doi:10.1016/j.paid.2017.04.024

American Psychological Association. Sandwich generation moms feeling the squeeze .

By Apryl Duncan Apryl Duncan is a stay-at-home mom and internationally-published writer with years of experience providing advice to others like her.

Reason and Meaning

Philosophical reflections on life, death, and the meaning of life, summary of cicero, “on old age”.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Cicero  (106 BC – 43 BC) was a Roman politician and lawyer who is considered one of Rome’s greatest orators and prose stylists. “ On Old Age ” is an essay written on the subject of aging and death . It has remained popular because of its profound subject matter as well as its clear and beautiful language.

The treatise defends old age against its alleged disadvantages: “ first , that it withdraws us from active pursuits; second , that it makes the body weaker; third , that it deprives us of almost all physical pleasures; and, fourth , that it is not far removed from death.” He examines each claim in turn.

Charge #1 – “Old age withdraws us from active pursuits  …” 

Cicero replies that older people remain active, just in different ways than their younger counterparts. While they may less physically adept than the young, they may do more for their community, or they may be more introspective and philosophical. As he puts it:

Those… who allege that old age is devoid of useful activity… are like those who would say that the pilot does nothing in the sailing of his ship, because, while others are climbing the masts, or running about the gangways, or working at the pumps, he sits quietly in the stern and simply holds the tiller. He may not be doing what younger members of the crew are doing, but what he does is better and much more important. It is not by muscle, speed, or physical dexterity that great things are achieved, but by reflection, force of character, and judgment; in these qualities old age is usually not … poorer, but is even richer.

So for Cicero, the prudence and wisdom that accompanies aging more than compensates for declining physical vigor. (Research has found that elders outperformed younger adults in, for instance, understanding  and solving complex social situations.) He says that for Homer, Sophocles, Pythagoras, Plato, and others, old age did not “destroy their interests or take away their powers of expression.” Old age can be a busy time where we continue lifelong projects or develop new interests.

Charge #2 – Old age “makes the body weaker …”

Cicero acknowledges that aging negatively affects the body, but

At my age, I don’t yearn for the physical vigor of a young man … any more than in my youth I yearned for the vigor of a bull or an elephant. Use whatever you have: that is the right way. Do whatever is to be done in proportion as you have the strength to do it … Use the advantages you have while you have them; when they are gone, don’t sit around wishing you could get them back.

He then proceeds:

enjoy the blessing of strength while you have it and do not bewail it when it is gone unless… you believe that youth must lament the loss of infancy, or early manhood the passing of youth. Life’s race-course is fixed; Nature has only a single path and that path is run but once, and to each stage of existence has been allotted its own appropriate quality; so that the weakness of childhood, the impetuosity of youth, the seriousness of middle life, the maturity of old age — each bears some of Nature’s fruit, which must be garnered in its own season.

He also notes that we can lessen aging’s impact through exercise, moderation in food and drink, and caring for our intellect. Ideally, we should care for our bodies throughout our lives so that they remain strong into old age. Often our bodies betray us in large part because we have mistreated them in our youth.

Still, it is our intellect that we should cultivate as we age. Physical vigor is good, and we should try to be healthy, but “much greater care is due to the mind and soul; for they, too, like lamps, grow dim with time, unless we keep them supplied with oil.” So achieving wisdom in old age is paramount.

Charge #3 – Old age “deprives us of almost all physical pleasures …” 

Cicero responds that eating and drinking still give sensual pleasure and he finds that he enjoys meals with friends even more than he did as a youth . But to the extent that old age detracts from enjoying such pleasures, this is mostly beneficial:

the fact that old age feels little longing for sensual pleasures not only is no cause for reproach, but rather is ground for the highest praise. Old age lacks the heavy banquet, the loaded table, and the oft-filled cup; therefore it also lacks drunkenness, indigestion, and loss of sleep. But if some concession must be made to pleasure, since her allurements are difficult to resist, … then I admit that old age, though it lacks immoderate banquets, may find delight in temperate repasts.

Regarding sexual pleasure he writes:

… granting that youth enjoys pleasures of that kind with a keener relish … although old age does not possess these pleasures in abundance, yet it is by no means wanting in them. Just as (a great actor) gives greater delight to the spectators in the front row at the theatre, and yet gives some delight even to those in the last row, so youth, looking on pleasures at closer range, perhaps enjoys them more, while old age, on the other hand, finds delight enough in a more distant view.

So while the intensity of sensual pleasure diminishes with age, it can be appreciated in new ways.

Charge #4 – Old age “is not far removed from death …”

Cicero responds by dismissing the fear of death :

death should be held of no account! For clearly (the impact of) death is negligible if it utterly annihilates the soul, or even desirable, if it conducts the soul to some place where it is to live forever. What, then, shall I fear, if after death I am destined to be either not unhappy or happy?

As for the hopes of younger versus older people Cicero states:

the young man hopes that he will live for a long time and this hope the old man cannot have. Yet he is in better case than the young man, since what the latter merely hopes for, the former has already attained; the one wishes to live long, the other has lived long.

In fact, death should be seen as something to look forward to after a life well-lived:

Therefore, when the young die I am reminded of a strong flame extinguished by a torrent; but when old men die it is as if a fire had gone out without the use of force and of its own accord, after the fuel had been consumed; and, just as apples when they are green are with difficulty plucked from the tree, but when ripe and mellow fall of themselves, so, with the young, death comes as a result of force, while with the old it is the result of ripeness. To me, indeed, the thought of this “ripeness” for death is so pleasant, that the nearer I approach death the more I feel like one who is in sight of land at last and is about to anchor in his home port after a long voyage.

Cicero’s conclusion reinforces the above themes:

…my old age sits light upon me…, and not only is not burdensome, but is even happy. For as Nature has marked the bounds of everything else, so she has marked the bounds of life. Moreover, old age is the final scene … in life’s drama, from which we ought to escape when it grows wearisome and, certainly, when we have had our fill.

Recap – Cicero’s Lessons on Successful Aging 

1. A good old age begins in youth  – Cultivate the virtues that will serve you well in old age —moderation, wisdom, courage—in your youth.

2. Old age can be a good part of life  – You can live well in old age if you are wise.

3. Youth and old age differ   – Accept that as physical vitality declines, wisdom can grow.

4. Elders can teach the young  – Older people have much to teach the young, and younger people can invigorate older persons.

5.  We can be active in old age, with limitations. – We should try to remain healthy and active while accepting our limitations.

6. The aged should exercise their minds.  – We should continually learn new things.

7. Older people should be assertive.  – Older people will be respected only if they aren’t too passive.

8. Sex is overrated  – We should accept physical limitations and enjoy other aspects of life.

9.  Pursue enjoyable, worthwhile activities. – Happiness derives in large part from doing productive work that gives us joy.

10.  Don’t fear death.  – Don’t cling to life—a good actor knows when to leave the stage.

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10 thoughts on “ summary of cicero, “on old age” ”.

My initial reaction to Cicero’s essay was very positive. It is always intrigues me to learn that someone from over 2,000 years ago has already articulated some of the wisdom that we are rediscovering in this day and age. Your post demonstrates the value of studying philosophy.

However, I am chastened by the fact that in the last election “Older voters (ages 65 and older) preferred Trump over Clinton 53%-45%.” (from the Pew Research Center, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/11/09/behind-trumps-victory-divisions-by-race-gender-education/ ). As a group, my generation clearly failed to steer the American ship. And from all the media accounts, our entrenched leaders in Washington are still failing. As Lazarus Long put it: “Age does not bring wisdom. Often it merely changes simple stupidity into arrogant conceit.” (from Robert Heinlein’s book Time Enough for Love). My generation would do well to follow some of Cicero’s advice. My greatest challenge in retirement is to become that mellow, ripe apple that Cicero talked about – and not be rotten at the core.

Cicero’s treatise is ageless, and I believe it stands as well today as it did 2000 years ago.

“A good actor knows when to exit the stage.” This really caught not only my eye but also my heart. I love this great philosopher already! Thanks for this piece too.

thanks for your kind words. JGM

Ripeness is all: Shakespeare and Melville. Thanks for jogging my memory.

thank you for the comment.

Thank you for bringing back my love of Cicero which began with high school Latin. Many Thanks

you’re welcome.

Thank you. I had bought not one, but two books about Cicero (Oxford and Penguin Classics) but I still haven’t read them. Now I know I must.

“The best thing that can be said of a man (who has learned much), is not that he had a long life, but that he lived long.”. -Schopenhauer

John, A good read. I’d like to incorporate some of your thoughts in a book I’m working on that’s tentatively entitled, “Nobody Likes a Whiny Man.” What’s the best way to get ahold of you?

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The Measure of a Life Well Lived: Henry Miller on Growing Old, the Perils of Success, and the Secret of Remaining Young at Heart

By maria popova.

More than three decades later, shortly after his eightieth birthday, Miller wrote a beautiful essay on the subject of aging and the key to living a full life. It was published in 1972 in an ultra-limited-edition chapbook titled On Turning Eighty ( public library ), alongside two other essays. Only 200 copies were printed, numbered and signed by the author.

Miller begins by considering the true measure of youthfulness:

If at eighty you’re not a cripple or an invalid, if you have your health, if you still enjoy a good walk, a good meal (with all the trimmings), if you can sleep without first taking a pill, if birds and flowers, mountains and sea still inspire you, you are a most fortunate individual and you should get down on your knees morning and night and thank the good Lord for his savin’ and keepin’ power. If you are young in years but already weary in spirit, already on the way to becoming an automaton, it may do you good to say to your boss — under your breath, of course — “Fuck you, Jack! You don’t own me!” … If you can fall in love again and again, if you can forgive your parents for the crime of bringing you into the world, if you are content to get nowhere, just take each day as it comes, if you can forgive as well as forget, if you can keep from growing sour, surly, bitter and cynical, man you’ve got it half licked.

He later adds:

I have very few friends or acquaintances my own age or near it. Though I am usually ill at ease in the company of elderly people I have the greatest respect and admiration for two very old men who seem to remain eternally young and creative. I mean [the Catalan cellist and conductor] Pablo Casals and Pablo Picasso, both over ninety now. Such youthful nonagenarians put the young to shame. Those who are truly decrepit, living corpses, so to speak, are the middle-aged, middleclass men and women who are stuck in their comfortable grooves and imagine that the status quo will last forever or else are so frightened it won’t that they have retreated into their mental bomb shelters to wait it out.

Miller considers the downside of success — not the private kind, per Thoreau’s timeless definition , but the public kind, rooted in the false deity of prestige :

If you have had a successful career, as presumably I have had, the late years may not be the happiest time of your life. (Unless you’ve learned to swallow your own shit.) Success, from the worldly standpoint, is like the plague for a writer who still has something to say. Now, when he should be enjoying a little leisure, he finds himself more occupied than ever. Now he is the victim of his fans and well wishers, of all those who desire to exploit his name. Now it is a different kind of struggle that one has to wage. The problem now is how to keep free, how to do only what one wants to do.

He goes on to reflect on how success affects people’s quintessence:

One thing seems more and more evident to me now — people’s basic character does not change over the years… Far from improving them, success usually accentuates their faults or short-comings. The brilliant guys at school often turn out to be not so brilliant once they are out in the world. If you disliked or despised certain lads in your class you will dislike them even more when they become financiers, statesmen or five star generals. Life forces us to learn a few lessons, but not necessarily to grow.

Somewhat ironically, Anaïs Nin — Miller’s onetime lover and lifelong friend — once argued beautifully for the exact opposite , the notion that our personalities are fundamentally fluid and ever-growing, something that psychologists have since corroborated .

Miller returns to youth and the young as a kind of rearview mirror for one’s own journey:

You observe your children or your children’s children, making the same absurd mistakes, heart-rending mistakes often, which you made at their age. And there is nothing you can say or do to prevent it. It’s by observing the young, indeed, that you eventually understand the sort of idiot you yourself were once upon a time — and perhaps still are.

Like George Eliot, who so poignantly observed the trajectory of happiness over the course of human life , Miller extols the essential psychoemotional supremacy of old age:

At eighty I believe I am a far more cheerful person than I was at twenty or thirty. I most definitely would not want to be a teenager again. Youth may be glorious, but it is also painful to endure… I was cursed or blessed with a prolonged adolescence; I arrived at some seeming maturity when I was past thirty. It was only in my forties that I really began to feel young. By then I was ready for it. (Picasso once said: “One starts to get young at the age of sixty, and then it’s too late.” ) By this time I had lost many illusions, but fortunately not my enthusiasm, nor the joy of living, nor my unquenchable curiosity.

And therein lies Miller’s spiritual center — the life-force that stoked his ageless inner engine:

Perhaps it is curiosity — about anything and everything — that made me the writer I am. It has never left me… With this attribute goes another which I prize above everything else, and that is the sense of wonder. No matter how restricted my world may become I cannot imagine it leaving me void of wonder. In a sense I suppose it might be called my religion. I do not ask how it came about, this creation in which we swim, but only to enjoy and appreciate it.

Two years later, Miller would come to articulate this with even more exquisite clarity in contemplating the meaning of life , but here he contradicts Henry James’s assertion that seriousness preserves one’s youth and turns to his other saving grace — the capacity for light-heartedness as an antidote to life’s often stifling solemnity:

Perhaps the most comforting thing about growing old gracefully is the increasing ability not to take things too seriously. One of the big differences between a genuine sage and a preacher is gaiety. When the sage laughs it is a belly laugh; when the preacher laughs, which is all too seldom, it is on the wrong side of the face.

Equally important, Miller argues, is countering the human compulsion for self-righteousness. In a sentiment Malcolm Gladwell would come to complement nearly half a century later in advocating for the importance of changing one’s mind regularly , Miller writes:

With advancing age my ideals, which I usually deny possessing, have definitely altered. My ideal is to be free of ideals, free of principles, free of isms and ideologies. I want to take to the ocean of life like a fish takes to the sea… I no longer try to convert people to my view of things, nor to heal them. Neither do I feel superior because they appear to be lacking in intelligence.

Miller goes on to consider the brute ways in which we often behave out of self-righteousness and deformed idealism:

One can fight evil but against stupidity one is helpless… I have accepted the fact, hard as it may be, that human beings are inclined to behave in ways that would make animals blush. The ironic, the tragic thing is that we often behave in ignoble fashion from what we consider the highest motives. The animal makes no excuse for killing his prey; the human animal, on the other hand, can invoke God’s blessing when massacring his fellow men. He forgets that God is not on his side but at his side.

But despite observing these lamentable human tendencies, Miller remains an optimist at heart. He concludes by returning to the vital merriment at the root of his life-force:

My motto has always been: “Always merry and bright.” Perhaps that is why I never tire of quoting Rabelais: “For all your ills I give you laughter.” As I look back on my life, which has been full of tragic moments, I see it more as a comedy than a tragedy. One of those comedies in which while laughing your guts out you feel your inner heart breaking. What better comedy could there be? The man who takes himself seriously is doomed… There is nothing wrong with life itself. It is the ocean in which we swim and we either adapt to it or sink to the bottom. But it is in our power as human beings not to pollute the waters of life, not to destroy the spirit which animates us. The most difficult thing for a creative individual is to refrain from the effort to make the world to his liking and to accept his fellow man for what he is, whether good, bad or indifferent.

The entire On Turning Eighty chapbook, which includes two other essays, is a sublime read. Complement it with Miller on writing , altruism , the meaning of life , what creative death means , and his 11 commandments of writing .

— Published June 26, 2014 — https://www.themarginalian.org/2014/06/26/henry-miller-on-turning-eighty/ —

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Essay On Old Age Home – 10 Lines, Short and Long Essay

Key Points to Remember When Writing Essay On Old Age Home

10 lines on old age home, a paragraph on old age home, short essay on old age home, long essay on old age home in english, what will your child learn from old age home essay.

Writing an essay is an enlightening experience that enables children and students to express their views on various topics. Especially when it comes to sensitive subjects like old age homes, it’s imperative to understand and articulate our thoughts properly. Today, we will delve into the topic of old age homes, exploring its facets through a concise 10-line essay, a short essay, and a more comprehensive long essay. The essay on old age home in English is designed specially to give a broader understanding for children and students, enhancing their language skills and also enlightening them about the significance of these institutions in our society.

The process of writing an essay can be made simpler and more effective by keeping a few critical aspects in mind. Especially when crafting an essay for kids, it’s vital to ensure clarity, precision, and relatability. Here are some key points to remember:

Understand the Audience: Knowing your audience is crucial. If the essay is intended for kids, it should be simple, relatable, and engaging.

Stay Compassionate and Respectful: Given the sensitivity of the topic, it’s essential to maintain a tone that shows respect and understanding for the elderly.

Personal Anecdotes: If possible, weave in personal stories or experiences related to old age homes. This adds authenticity and depth to the narrative.

Research: Even if it’s a short essay, ensuring accuracy in your statements is crucial. A bit of research can help support your views and provide valuable insights.

Structure: Maintain a clear structure – introduction, body, and conclusion. This allows the reader to follow the narrative seamlessly.

Engaging Opening: Start with an engaging statement or question to pique interest right from the beginning.

Use of Simple Language: Especially in an essay for kids, avoid jargon or complex words. The goal is comprehension and connection.

Visual Aids: If the format allows, include relevant pictures or illustrations. They can be particularly effective in making the content more engaging for younger readers.

Conclude Thoughtfully: Round off your essay with a thoughtful conclusion, summarizing your main points and perhaps posing a question or call to action.

Proofread: Before finalizing, always check for grammatical errors, inconsistencies, or areas of improvement.

Old age homes hold a special place in our society, providing solace and care to our elders. To give young minds a brief idea about these homes, here are a few lines on old age home. This essay is particularly crafted for lower primary class students, ensuring simplicity and comprehension.

1. Old age homes are where the elderly live when not with family.

2. They provide essential services like food, shelter, and medical care.

3. Trained staff ensure that the elderly are well taken care of.

4. Such homes offer a sense of community and belonging to its residents.

5. Residents engage in various activities like reading, gardening , and group games.

6. Festivals, birthdays, and special events are celebrated with enthusiasm.

7. Some elders choose these homes for peace and companionship.

8. These homes have special facilities, such as ramps and emergency systems.

9.Regular visits by doctors and counselors keep the elderly healthy.

10. Old age homes teach us about caring, compassion, and societal responsibility.

Every visit to an old age home can leave an indelible mark on one’s soul, revealing the deep reservoirs of wisdom, love, and memories that reside there. It’s an experience that intertwines with our understanding of age, relationships, and societal responsibility. Here’s a short account encapsulating such a visit.

My paragraph on a visit to an old age home was a journey filled with emotions. The corridors echoed with tales of time, lessons learned, and wisdom earned. Each room was a chapter from a different book, filled with residents cherishing their past and making peace with the present. Their eyes, although shadowed by age, sparkled with stories waiting to be told. While some recounted tales of joy, others shared life’s poignant lessons. It was not just a visit; it was a bridge between generations, a reminder that age is but a number, and the heart remains forever young. This visit redefined my understanding of age, making me value the fleeting moments of life even more.

Old age homes often elicit a range of emotions from society – from sympathy to gratitude, from curiosity to concern. But beyond these emotions, there lies a deeper understanding of their essence and relevance. This short essay seeks to capture that essence and shed light on the significance of old age homes in our society.

Old age homes are more than just infrastructures built to house the elderly. They serve as sanctuaries, offering warmth, care, and a sense of belonging to those who might have been forgotten by their kin or the fast-paced world outside. In these homes, the elderly rediscover the joys of community living, surrounded by peers who share similar life experiences. These are places where birthdays are celebrated with the same enthusiasm as a child’s, where festivals take on a special hue, and where every day is an opportunity to relive memories. While some may perceive old age homes as a sad reflection of society’s inability to care for its elderly, it’s vital to see them as places of hope. They ensure that the golden years of one’s life are spent in comfort, dignity, and most importantly, in the company of those who care.

The concept of old age homes has evolved significantly over time. From being seen as mere shelters for the elderly to now being recognized as holistic centers for geriatric care, old age homes have reshaped our understanding of aging gracefully. This comprehensive essay provides a deeper exploration into the significance of old age homes, highlighting their importance, and weighing their advantages against their disadvantages.

Importance Of Old Age Home

The essay on the importance of old age homes cannot be underscored enough. As societies evolve, familial structures are changing, often leading to challenges in accommodating and caring for the elderly within nuclear family setups. Old age homes address these challenges, ensuring that senior citizens, irrespective of their familial ties or socio-economic backgrounds, receive the care and support they need in their twilight years.

These homes do more than offer shelter; they provide an environment that stimulates both the mind and body, helping residents lead an active, engaged life. They play a vital role in ensuring that the elderly don’t become victims of neglect, isolation, or even abuse. Moreover, in a world where mental health concerns are rampant, the companionship and structured lifestyle offered by old age homes can act as an anchor for many senior citizens, ensuring emotional well-being.

Advantages And Disadvantages Of Old Age Home

1. Comprehensive Care: Old age homes are equipped to provide 360-degree care to their residents – from medical facilities to recreational activities.

2. Social Engagement: Residents get opportunities for social interaction, ensuring they stay mentally active and emotionally connected.

3. Safety and Security: With round-the-clock security and emergency protocols, residents are ensured a safe living environment.

4. Independence: Senior citizens can maintain a level of independence without the daily pressures of household chores or management.

Disadvantages

1. Emotional Disconnect: While old age homes provide physical comforts, many residents might feel an emotional disconnect from their families.

2. Perception: Society often perceives old age homes negatively, which can impact the morale of its residents.

3. Cost: High-quality old age homes can be expensive, making them inaccessible to some sections of the population.

4. Variability in Standards: Not all old age homes offer the same quality of care, and there can be vast differences in the services provided.

Writing an essay on old age homes can be immensely enlightening for children. It introduces them to the realities and challenges faced by the elderly, instilling empathy and compassion . Moreover, they get to understand the dynamics of our aging society and the significance of community support. Such essays can also foster respect for senior citizens and an appreciation for the wisdom and experiences they bring to our lives.

1. Why Should We Take Care Of Our Older Members?

Caring for our older members is a reflection of our societal values and humanity. They have spent a lifetime contributing to our families and communities, often making sacrifices for our well-being. Offering them care and respect in their twilight years is a way of acknowledging their efforts and ensuring they live with dignity, comfort, and love. Moreover, older members are reservoirs of wisdom and experience, and by caring for them, we preserve and cherish this invaluable treasure.

2. How Can We Help Old Age People?

Physical Support: Assist them in daily tasks, like walking, eating, or house chores.

Medical Care: Ensure regular check-ups, provide medication timely, and understand their health needs.

Active Listening: Lend a listening ear. Let them share stories, experiences, or concerns.

Engage in Activities: Include them in family gatherings, events, or short trips.

Respect and Patience: Always show respect and be patient , even if they repeat stories or move slower than before.

Financial Support: If needed, help them manage their finances or support them monetarily.

Stay Informed: Be aware of common age-related issues and solutions to better assist them.

Emotional Well-being: Recognize signs of depression or anxiety and seek professional help if needed.

Offer Independence: Allow them the space and freedom to make decisions and do things on their own.

Educate and Advocate: Educate yourself and others about the rights and needs of the elderly, advocating for better facilities, and more inclusive policies.

The subject of old age homes transcends mere infrastructure or societal trends; it touches the very core of humanity, empathy, and respect. As we progress as a society, it’s imperative that we prioritize the well-being and dignity of our senior citizens. By educating our younger generations through essays and discussions, we foster a future that not only acknowledges but celebrates and supports the invaluable contributions of the elderly. Their stories, wisdom, and experiences are the foundations upon which our present and future stand.

Also Read: 5 Tips for Teaching Essay Writing for Kids

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Aging Parents Essay Example

Introduction.

The aging process is a combination physical, physiological, and social change which all includes slowing down of most processes of the body. As people grow old, what they know slowly changes and some of the changes are abrupt. Changes take place and one can lose their self worth, for instance, a parent who was previously was working as a teacher may look lucky having not to wake up early but in real sense much of his/her identity may be wrapped up in his/her job as a teacher helping learners. As people age, bones and muscles become weaker; reflexes are slow, and the whole body becomes frail.

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As people age, they refuse to follow mostly their childrens advice ; they seem obsessed with their past, and they move with glacial pace with which they make decisions and move through the world. This bridges a communication gap since dealing with parents can be fraught with tension and frustration, but the society takes for granted that old age is a time of decline rather than development and personal growth. In this situations, it is impossible to avoid the idea of death, and it becomes realer and-and can often be a source of uncertainty and dread. Some struggles with anxiety linked to pre-mortality concerns such as:

• What if I lose my mental faculty?
• What if my health becomes poor, will I do what I love doing best?
• How will I cope with losing my dear ones?

Lose of independence

as people age, they become physically unable to engage in certain physical activities, and this makes them dependent on their caretakers .This frustrates most of them as they see themselves as burdens, they mourn their loss of independence as they have to rely on others even on essential care.

This makes them talk mostly about their health since they consider that their falling bodies are denying them the right to live and enjoy what they love doing best. According to Mary paper,"illness is the battleground of old age" so they talk to work through their traumas

Memory and learning

As a person grows old, they remain as intelligent as young people, but they get information at a slow pace or must repeat a new skill several times before the steps become second nature.Poor memory becomes part of them .If your family member has not experienced has not suffered a brain injury or some cognitive illness then his forgetfulness consists only of brief memory lapses which are normal occurrences in later life and are more of a source of annoyance rather than an area for concern so if a parent forgets important dates and events like doctors appointments it may be because the information does not remain long enough on the short term memory bank long enough to be transferred to the long-term memory.

Grief and loss

As a person ages, he/she is confronted with the fact that death and loss are inevitable. The society tends to assume that an elder member of the society is used to death. Hence, they ignore him/her when they are faced with the loss of a loved one. This leads to feelings of loneliness and depression. He/she must also face the fact that family members or people that they care about may pass way ahead of him or her. This makes them feel vulnerable and abandoned.

Ageism and discrimination

Ageism is described as discrimination due to a person's age. Most seniors struggle with stigmas placed on them by a youth-oriented society. Sadly; older people are dismissed as unsuitable employers and people who are done with active employment. The neglect by the workplace and the media leads to a widespread misconception about the lifestyles and usefulness of our elderly citizens. Apart from that, there is also an alarming amount of ageism in the medical field whereby doctors work hard to preserve the lives of the younger generation, ignoring the elder members of the society and making them feel worthless. a survey conducted at John Hopkins University school of medicine reveals that 80% of students treat pneumonia aggressively in a girl aged 10 but only 56% can do the same for the people aged 85.

Forces that shape our aging parents' behavior

According to toHuman Development theory by psychologist Erik Erickson, humans go through distinct stages as they grow from infanthood to adulthood. These stages are dominated by what Erickson terms as growth facilitating crisis. By resolving this crisis, we are able to move on to the next development stage.

legacy issues

most elder people also experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder as they struggle to hold on to what remains and to come to terms with their losses, they are engaged in an effort to shape and understand their legacy that is, to comprehend what their life has meant and the memories that live on as they die

Coming to terms with one's legacy is a tremendous job, according to Solie, and has a powerful effect on a person action whether they are aware or not

Adult children tend to be in the dark about what is going on parents' lives but on knowing the information above the solutions to aging parents are:

Be vigilant Caretakers and children should be vigilant when it comes to their parents so as to be able to detect any sign of a problem. Most elderly people will not voice out their problems since they consider it to be a burden, for example, when a person is in pain or having some form of discomfort, their gestures and expressions will give away what they are going through hence it is up to the caregivers to be observant and come up with solutions to assist the aging parent

Initiate conversations-most elderly citizens experience loneliness and are mostly deep in thought. To help them maneuver through that jungle, a loved one should or can initiate them in a healthy conversation that will keep their minds active and will enable them to think clearly

Being sensitive to their needs-as a person advances in age, many things about them change ranging from their diet to their preferences of clothing and furniture. Children or caretakers should be sensitive to their aging parents' needs and work to provide a suitable environment according to the elders' choice. For example, elder people's teeth tend to weaken or most times shed off hence eating things extra solid is not an option for them. Another example is the growth of cataracts on one's eyes; this can be solved by an operation to remove the cataract or to wear of spectacles, depending on someones preference hence children should be sensitive to the fact that the parent can no longer see well and requires some sort of additional assistance.

Listening to them-listening to elder people gives them a sense of belonging. Many of them may bring up topics that seem unrelated to the matter at hand; this is the only way to keep their memory alive hence encouraging parents to reminisce and paying attention to their stories works for them socialization and relations-encouraging elder parents to engage in socialization activities and places like churches, community centers and volunteering in societal-based organizations where they will get to interact with other people and also have fun something which is instrumental to humans well beings.

Sati, P. N. (1988). Retired and aging people: A study of their problems. Delhi, India: Mittal Publications.

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Why India's youth are abandoning their elderly parents

Why are the elderly being left in the cold by their families in a land that reveres the old?

Seventy-five-year-old Kusum Lata* remembers the heart-wrenching afternoon that changed her life like it was yesterday. “I’d had my lunch of chappatis and dal and was resting in my room in Karol Bagh, central Delhi, when my son Amit* walked in and asked if I would like to visit our relative in Ghaziabad, in the neighbouring state of Uttar Pradesh, about an hour’s drive away.’’

She was excited at the prospect of going on a car ride with her only son. “I was looking forward to spending some time with him,’’ she says. The frail septuagenarian agreed to the journey, not knowing that it would be the last time she’d ever see her son and his family.

“Although I was trying to make conversation with him on the way, he appeared to be deep in thought and was silent,’’ she remembers.

After driving about 40 minutes, once they were on the highway, Amit, who is 50 and a father himself, stopped the car near a roadside fruit stall and asked her to step out to buy some apples. “As I was choosing the fruit, I saw my son start the vehicle, and before I could call out to him, he sped off,’’ says Kusum, a tear rolling down her deeply creased face.

“Initially I thought he’d gone to fill petrol or buy something, so I waited in the hot sun for several hours hoping he would return. But then, late in the evening, the truth dawned on me – I’d been abandoned by my own son; my only son and child.’’

Taking pity on the elderly woman sitting sobbing by the side of the road, a few local residents helped her to an old-age home run by a charity in Ghaziabad. Emotionally distraught, she was initially reluctant to provide details about her son to the volunteers, but after much prodding she finally revealed his address.

A month later, representatives of the charity tracked down Amit to ask him to take his mother home, but he refused, saying he was disowning her as she was a burden to care for.

A volunteer at the home that took Kusum in two years ago says, “A few months before getting rid of his mother, Amit reportedly made her transfer the ownership of her house to him.’’

‘They took all I had and dumped me’

The saving grace in Kusum’s case is that she was not physically abused, unlike Uma*, a thin, frail woman who lies on the cot next to Kusum’s in the Ghaziabad home. The 80-year-old woman’s hands and legs bear marks of bruises and cuts, a result of the abuse she suffered at the hands of some relatives. They tortured her, forcing her to give them all her gold jewellery worth around Rs90,000 (Dh6,128), before they dumped her in front of the old-age home one evening in May last year. “They didn’t want me so they took all that I had and dumped me here,’’ she says, her voice flat.

Kusum and Uma are just two of the millions of elderly people with uncaring family members who take their limited riches before throwing them out of their homes. A report by HelpAge India, a voluntary organisation working for abandoned and needy elderly people, reveals some shocking statistics. According to the report, one in three senior citizens is a victim of abuse in India.

“Some of the abuses we found are as brutal as severe beating of elderly people by their own sons, daughters and daughters-in-law,” states the 2012 report. It also says that in more than 50 per cent of abuse cases, the perpetrators are family members, with the son being the primary abuser in over 56 per cent of cases, followed by daughters in 23 per cent of cases. The most common reason for the abuse is property related.

Mathew Cherian, chief executive of HelpAge India says, “Earlier, people lived with their children when they were too old to work, but society is no longer parent-oriented and the rising trend we notice is that the elderly are moving out of their homes to places that cater to their needs.’’ But there aren’t enough old-age homes in India to house all the abandoned elderly people, he says.

More than half of India’s 1.1 billion population is younger than 25 and two-thirds is below the age of 35. The number of seniors is growing. By 2016, around 113 million people will be older than 60, and if the recent reports are any indication, a sizeable number of them will require an old-age home.

Stories about mistreatment of the elderly can be truly horrifying. A few years ago, there were reports in the Indian media about how police caught a man striking a deal with doctors and an organ-transplant broker to sell his unsuspecting father’s kidney, first taking him to hospital for a ‘check-up’ and then telling him he needed an operation. Doctors say such practices are commonplace.

Rampant physical abuse

According to an activist and charity worker, “All senior citizens we spoke to in Delhi said they had been verbally abused, while 33 per cent confided they had been physically abused – often beaten and tied to chairs.”

Last year, in the southern city of Hyderabad, the well-off family of a 75-year-old cancer patient decided to burn her alive at a crematorium because they did not want to pay for further treatment. She was saved when the crematorium staff noticed her stir and called police.

Elderly parents being abused and abandoned is not just an urban phenomenon. In rural India, the family system is eroding, with the younger generation increasingly heading off to cities with their spouses and their children to start a new life – without their parents or grandparents.

According to a 2012 survey by HelpAge India, less than 40 per cent of Indians now live with extended family. While Delhi has the highest number of senior citizens who own property, over the years they become meek and dependent on their children. And that is generally when problems arise.

Those who have worked in government service or for a reputed private company receive pensions, but a large majority of India’s population still work as farmers or day labourers. Once they are too old to work, they are forced to rely on their children or extended family for support.

There is a government-backed pension programme for the poor called the Indira Gandhi National Old Age Pension Scheme, which provides Rs200 a month to people over 60 who live below the poverty line, meaning they earn less than $1.25 (Dh4.59) per day. But the amount they receive is barely enough to get them food for a week. The government also approved a bill to increase the pension to Rs500 a month to those over the age of 80.

Mathew says, “At the policy level, the government needs to do a lot more to provide social security to the elderly... The long-term measure would be to offer them at least Rs1,000 per month.

“In 2007, the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Bill, which protects the rights of senior citizens, was passed in parliament. It provides an inexpensive and efficient system where the elderly could petition the administration to seek maintenance from their family.

“When the bill was passed, the government discussed plans to build at least one old-age home in all 629 districts in the country. The government said it would take care of elderly people if their family members were unable to look after them.”

But Mathew says one old-age home per district is not enough to address the problem. “Simple arithmetic explains that even if 100 people are accommodated in one old-age home, it would mean provision for just 62,900 elderly people. But what about the rest? There are thousands more out there.”

Nowhere to go

Mathew is worried about people like 70-year-old Kathleen Lama, originally from Darjeeling a city in West Bengal, who made her home on a patch of land in Nizamuddin, Delhi, several years ago. But she ended up on the streets after her husband died and her kids didn’t bother to look after her. There are thousands more like her on the roads of India, forgotten.

There are shelters for homeless elderly people run by charity organisations across India, but these shelters are usually packed to capacity.

Hukabhai Somabhai, 70, was brought to Atitna Ashirwad Vrudhashram, a crowded shelter for elderly homeless people, at Hirapur Chowkdi, some 20km from Ahmedabad, by volunteers who found him wandering in the streets. Parvatiben, 75, also lives in the shelter. She was found by volunteers roaming in the streets of Ahmedabad. Both had been abandoned by their families.

“With the joint family system withering away, the elderly are being abandoned,” Meira Kumar, a social justice minister in the Congress Party-led government was quoted as saying in 2007 when the bill to protect the elderly was presented in parliament.

The legislation calls for a three-month jail term if children do not look after their elderly parents. At the time, Meira said she hoped the penal provision would act as a deterrent. There have been a few instances when the elderly have taken shelter under the law. A couple of years ago, a trial court ordered Delhi residents Sonu* and his wife Geeta* to vacate the home of Sonu’s mother, Kamla Devi*, after the elderly lady filed a complaint alleging that the couple “mentally tortured” her.

Kamla, who is in her mid 70s, said that she had built the house with her own money and, since she was a widow, had allowed her son and daughter-in-law to live with her out of love for them. However, they started harassing her and asking her for her property. Upset, she went to court and the court ordered the couple to vacate the house within a month. It also asked them to pay Rs3,000 per month as damages to Kamla from the time she filed the petition. Unfortunately, not many are as bold as Kamla, and the long wait due to the huge number of pending civil cases in Indian courts can tire most of the petitioners.

Seeking justice

In June 2012, the Delhi High Court issued an order to all court judges to give “special focus” to the cases involving senior citizens and ever since, courts in other cities are also taking similar steps.

Significantly, the bill states that a person would be disinherited if he or she fails to take care of their elderly parents. HelpAge has welcomed the legislation but says it may have little practical effect. Most parents are too demoralised, destitute or frail to begin a battle to get a ruling, HelpAge’s Mathew says. Also, “very few people will want to wash their problems in public,” he says.

But Mala Gupta* is one woman who is seeking redress under this law. After her husband Rajesh* passed away in 2010, she was confined to a single room in her own home by her son and his family who occupied the rest of the house. She was also being tortured by her son and his wife who wanted her to  transfer ownership of the house and the land to his name.

Fed up, she filed a complaint with the police, but that did not help. In fact, it only served to incense her son who unceremoniously threw her out of the house. Out on the streets Mala, who is over 60, initially took shelter in an ashram in Benaras, Uttar Pradesh. But with her daughter’s support, she has now filed a petition in the court, hoping her son will be evicted from her house.

One elderly gentleman who, sidelining his own trauma, has decided to reach out to assist others is Avikar Raj. The 66-year-old who was working in a law firm in the UK, returned to India keen to spend the last years of his life with his extended family in southern India. However, once his sizeable savings were exhausted they threw him out of the house, he says. With barely a few thousand rupees in his pocket Avikar, who was diagnosed with leukaemia, reached Delhi where, by sheer chance, he met Ravi Kalra who heads The Earth Saviours Foundation.

Ravi, who runs a home for the elderly and mentally challenged people in Delhi, took Avikar, who is a graduate from the London School of Economics, into his fold.   Avikar says, “When you retire and have no family life, you feel isolated and alienated. And I, who led a very active life, felt the impact much more. But I am desirous of spending the rest of my life in social work.” Today he helps Ravi manage the foundation.

According to a HelpAge India official, “There has been an increase in the number of senior citizens approaching us for jobs. Statistics available with job portals reveal that there has been a significant rise in the number of resumes posted by senior citizens on the websites.”

When asked his views on the increasing number of elderly people being abused in India, Gyan Prakash Pilania, a member of the opposition Hindu nationalist Bharatiya Janata Party and a social worker, has been quoted as saying, “Things have come to such a pass now that the old have to petition the government for care and help. What kind of a life is that?”

Those in old-age homes perhaps know the answer to Gyan’s question.

Holding on to hope

Sitting quietly on her bed at the old-age home where she lives, Kusum nods her head silently and wipes a tear with the corner of her sari when the caretaker of the home enquires if she is comfortable. She has few complaints. Staring blankly into the distance, her only hope is that her son will return to pick her up and take her back home. 

Clutching her walking stick, she gets up from her bed and makes her way to the window where she holds the bars and stares out. “I hope I’ll see my son at least once before I die,’’ she says, in a soft voice.

Rani, a volunteer who works at the old-age home walks up to her. “Don’t worry,’’ she tells Kusum. “We all love you and will look after you. And you can always consider me your daughter,’’ she says, before giving Kusum a warm hug. *names changed to protect identity  

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Generation Gap: Childhood, Adulthood, Old Age Essay

The relations between the generations were always complicated. The older people always indicate that it their time the situation was different and people behaved in the different way. At the same period, the younger generation says about the impact of the modern tendencies, changes of the way of life that give an opportunity to claim that the younger generation is more advanced.

However, as it clearly seen though the history, such attitude of the generations to each other was always the same. Therefore, although the technical facilities, cultural and economical changes impact the society, it is possible to claim that there are no significant changes in the relations between the generations, they are neither improving, nor getting worse.

Analyzing the cultural aspect within the conflict between generations, it is necessary to admit that such cultural issues as art, music, fashion have a tendency of the permanent change. Thereby, it is obvious that the different generations which do not have the same tastes and fashion, cannot understand each other’s needs. And especially this aspect is sharp within the relations between teenagers and their parents.

Today, the tradition hierarchy of family is different than two centuries ago. Elder members of family feel themselves as the intruders. From the other side, their children can easily send parents to the social houses. During the past century, the patterns of solidarity in friend and family relations had been changed (Allan 2008).

The transformation of the family and friendship aspects influences the Western communities since 1970s. People got more freedom and, as the result, the gap in the relations between young people and their parents increased (Thompson 1998).

From the other hand, the flexibility in the constructing of personal life and relations within the social groups is also increased. As the diversity in the priorization provided more facilities and made the personal choice more complex, the cultural changes of the past century can be considered as positive.

The relations between adult and old people can be also considered from the mentioned below position (Edmunds & Turner 2002, Huntley 2006). Thus, in the article Building Positive Relationships (2008) is written about the relations between 57-years old woman and her 89-years old mother.

As it understandable from the article, the conflict between the generations still exists, however, due to the physical disability of old mother, both woman try to find a solution and to rebuild their relations.

Being in the difficult situation, old people need more attention. For adult people, “the decline of a parent’s health, death of one parent or financial pressures often mean an aging parent will need increased social and emotional support or services from family – such as help with meals, cleaning, transportation or financial matters” ( Building Positive Relationships 2010).

In this context, it is necessary to admit the position of Klinenberg (2001) who indicates the tendency of increase of a number of old people who are estranged from their previous social circle and who live alone without a strong connection with their children.

Many old people have to live in the social establishments due to unwillingness of their younger relatives to care about them. This tendency demonstrates that the traditional cultural attitude to family, marriage and old parent is changed.

Obviously, the economic conditions influence generations. Wyn (2006) explores the rupture of the educational and employment outcomes as the peculiarity of the current situation of the young generation.

As it was normal order of things, today, such disbalance is widely spread that makes young people face with a number of problems while searching a job as “the transition processes for the majority of young people born after 1970 are different from those of the majority of their parents’ generation” (Wyn 2006, p. 6).

From this point of view, it is possible to notice that the younger generation has a significant reason to claim that the current situation on the labor market is more difficult than it was years ago.

According to the statistics provided by Wyn, “by the year 2000, at the age of 27, 68 per cent of the respondents had achieved permanent jobs, and 76 per cent were in full-time jobs” (Wyn 2006, p. 10). However, from the other hand, the elder generation has much more problems within this aspect. Although old people are more experienced, many employers prefer to accept a young person than the elder one.

Analyzing Mannheim’s essay The Problem of Generation , Pilcher (1994) indicates that “the notion of generation being widespread in everyday language as a way of understanding differences between age groups and as a means of locating individuals and groups within historical times” ( Mannheim’s sociology of generations: an undervalued legacy , p. 481).

Thereby, it is possible to say that the present problem existed during the history and never turned into the tendency of improvement or worsening. Different social models, tendencies, fashion and other issues dictate the rules of the relations between generations. Although a number of researchers indicate the increasing way of generation gap, history demonstrates that such tendencies were presented at all times.

Today, teenagers and young people feel themselves free and independent as the world is controlled by them. The number of old people is growing day by day as the result of the demographic characteristics. The present century requires more fast reaction, creative ideas and flexibility which are typical for younger generation. Wyn claims that today the process for becoming adult is different and emerging.

The typical issues of those changes are “an increasingly flexible labor market, dissolution of occupational boundaries, deregulation of labour, and increases in contrast, part-time employment” (2006, p. 12). At the same period, the cultural aspect also changes. Thus, the attitude of the young people to marriage and family is different while the level of fertility reduces.

Privatization of educational services diminishes the capability of young people to get better education. Changed attitude to the elder relatives led to a big number of the old people abandoned in the social houses. Generation gap is the key moment within the understanding of the relations between generations.

There is possible to say about the sharp conflict which is concerned with different parts of life and particularly with economic and cultural aspects. Young adults and elder people have the different possibilities to find a job, to increase their financial status according to the current tendencies in the society and they have different cultural tastes and traditional values.

However, although the cultural and economical changes impact the society and the generation gap is significant, it is necessary to claim that the relations between the generations are neither improving, nor getting worse. The historical knowledge provides the demonstration that such situation was always actual and topical.

Reference List

Allan, G 2008, ‘Flexibility, Friendship and Family’, Personal Relationships , 15: 1-16.

Building Positive Relationships 2010. Web.

Edmunds, J & Turner, B. S 2002, ‘Introduction: Generations, War and Intellectuals’, Generations, Culture and Society , Open University Press, Buckingham, pp. 1-23.

Huntley, R 2006, ‘From X to Y’, The World According to Y: Inside the New Adult Generation , Crows Nest: Allen & Unwin, pp. 1-23.

Klinenberg, E 2001, ‘Dying Alone: The Social Production of Urban Isolation’, Ethnography , 4:2, pp. 501-531. Web.

Pilcher,J (1994), ‘Mannheim’s sociology of generations: an undervalued legacy’, BJC, Vol. 45, Issue 3: pp. 481-495.

Thompson, K 1998, ‘The Classic Moral Panic: Mods and Rockers’, Moral Panics , Routledge, London, pp. 31-56.

Wyn, J 2004, ‘Becoming Adult in the 2000s: New Transitions and New Careers’, Family Matters , 68: pp. 6-12.

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1. IvyPanda . "Generation Gap: Childhood, Adulthood, Old Age." December 22, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/generation-gap-childhood-adulthood-old-age-essay/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Generation Gap: Childhood, Adulthood, Old Age." December 22, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/generation-gap-childhood-adulthood-old-age-essay/.

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What Old Age Is Really Like

By Ceridwen Dovey

What does it feel like to be old? Not middle-aged, or late-middle-aged, but one of the members of the fastest-growing demographic: the “oldest old,” those aged eighty-five and above? This has been the question animating me for a couple of years, as I’ve tried to write a novel from the perspective of a man in his late eighties. The aging population is on our collective minds; a statistic that intrigued me is that the average life expectancy in the U.K.—and, by extension, most of the rich West—is increasing by more than five hours a day, every day. I’m in my mid-thirties, but felt confident that I could imagine my way into old age. How hard could it be, really?

Somewhere along the way, though, things went wrong. My protagonist became Generic Old Man: crabby, computer illiterate, grieving for his dementia-addled wife. Not satisfied to leave him to his misery, I forced on him a new love interest, Eccentric Old Woman: radical, full of energy, a fan of wearing magenta turbans and handing out safe-sex pamphlets outside retirement homes.

In other words, I modelled my characters on the two dominant cultural constructions of old age: the doddering, depressed pensioner and the ageless-in-spirit, quirky oddball. After reading the first draft, an editor I respect said to me, “But what else are they, other than old?” I was mortified, and began to ask myself some soul-searching questions that I should have answered long before I’d written the opening word.

The first was: Why did I so blithely assume that I had the right to imagine my way into old age—and that I could do it well—when I would approach with extreme caution the task of imagining my way into the interior world of a character of a different gender, race, or class? Had I assumed that anybody elderly who might happen to read the book would simply be grateful that someone much younger was interested in his or her experience, and forgive my stereotyping?

The conundrum of who has the authority to write about old age is that, unlike the subjective experience of most imagined Others, seniority is something that many of us will eventually experience for ourselves. By contrast, I can imagine what it might be like to be a man, for example, but won’t ever know for sure. As the literary scholar Sarah Falcus writes, building on the work of Sally Chivers, “We may all have a more mobile relationship to age than to other perspectives or subject positions … because we are all aging at any one moment.” Yet just because I may, one day, know if I got it right—perhaps, to my surprise, I will find the world of my own old age populated entirely by grumpy old men and old women who are either lost to dementia or sprightly and renegade—doesn’t mean that I should be cavalier about how I imagine my elderly characters now. Of course, like any fictional representation, old age can be done well or badly regardless of one’s own positioning as an author, but there’s less chance of being called out on hackneyed depictions of old age, in part because those in the know—the over-eighty-five-year-olds themselves—haven’t historically had any cultural power.

Stereotypes of old age, whether positive or negative, do real harm in the real world, argues Lynne Segal, the author of “Out of Time: The Pleasures and the Perils of Ageing” (2013). She says that the biggest problem for many older people is “ageism, rather than the process of aging itself.” There is no possibility of diversified, personal approaches to aging if we are all reductively “aged by culture,” to use the age critic Margaret Morganroth Gullette’s iconic phrase, from her 2004 book, “Aged by Culture.” Gullette highlights the limitations of having only two socially accepted narratives of aging: stories of progress or stories of decline. Neither does justice to the “radical ambiguities” of old age, Segal says. We’re forced either to lament or to celebrate old age, rather than simply “affirm it as a significant part of life.”

Old age is perplexing to imagine in part because the definition of it is notoriously unstable. As people age, they tend to move the goalposts that mark out major life stages: a 2009 survey of American attitudes toward old age found that young adults (those between eighteen and twenty-nine) said that old age begins at sixty; middle-aged respondents said seventy; and those above the age of sixty-five put the threshold at seventy-four. We tend to feel younger as we get older: almost half the respondents aged fifty or more reported feeling at least ten years younger than their actual age, while a third of respondents aged sixty-five or more said that they felt up to nineteen years younger.

The researchers also found “a sizable gap between the expectations that young and middle-aged adults have about old age and the actual experiences reported by older Americans themselves.” Young and middle-aged adults anticipate the “negative benchmarks” associated with aging (such as memory loss, illness, or an end to sexual activity) at much higher levels than the old report experiencing them. However, the elderly also report experiencing fewer of the benefits that younger adults expect old age to bring (such as more time for travel, hobbies, or volunteer work).

These perceptual gaps between generations are large and persistent. Simone de Beauvoir, in her exhaustive study “The Coming of Age” (published in 1970, when she was sixty-two), wrote, “Old age is particularly difficult to assume because we have always regarded it as something alien, a foreign species.” The anthropologist Barbara Myerhoff, who made the documentary film “In Her Time,” about a community of elderly Californians, when she was in her forties, believed that “we are dehumanized and impoverished without our old people, for only by contact with them can we come to know ourselves.”

Even more confusingly, we don’t experience old age identically. As Germaine Greer puts it, “Nobody ages like anybody else.” The poet Fleur Adcock, who is eighty-one, says “this great range of abilities and states of health confuses the young: they can’t figure us out.” We age as individuals and as members of particular social contexts, yet the shared experience of old age continues to be overstated. The eighty-two-year-old British novelist Penelope Lively writes that her demographic has “nothing much in common except the accretion of years, a historical context, and a generous range of ailments.” At the same time, though, she warns that aging is such a “commonplace experience” that nobody should “behave as though … uniquely afflicted.”

The actress Juliet Stevenson, who is in her late fifties, recently commented that “as you go through life it gets more and more interesting and complicated, but the parts offered get more and more simple, and less complicated.” The same could be said for the dearth of good roles for old characters in literature. Lively believes that “old age is forever stereotyped … from the smiling old dear to the grumbling curmudgeon.” In fiction, she says, the stereotypes “are rife—indeed fiction is perhaps responsible for the standard perception of the old, with just a few writers able to raise the game.”

I started to realize that, in creating my spunky elderly female character, I had romanticized the version of old age that tells a story of progress, indulging a fantasy of who I might be when I’m old. When writing her, I had been thinking of Jenny Joseph’s “Warning,” regularly voted the U.K.’s favorite postwar poem, in which the young speaker imagines with longing the freedoms of rebellious old age and the prospect of making up for the “sobriety of youth.” I’m hardly a renegade now, however, so why did I harbor the illusion that as I get older I will somehow throw off the shackles of propriety? Most of what has been written in the sociological literature about life in our seventies, eighties, and nineties suggests that who we are when we are old remains pretty close to who we were when we were young. There is comfort in the idea of some consistency of self across the decades. While sometimes distressing, the denialism of old age—think of the sixty-three-year-old Freud’s horror at realizing that the elderly gentleman he’s glimpsed on the train is in fact his own reflection, or the scientist Lewis Wolpert’s lament, “How can a seventeen-year-old like me suddenly be eighty-one?”—is also proof of our ability to remain on intimate terms with younger versions of ourself. “Live in the layers, / not on the litter,” as the Stanley Kunitz poem goes, and he knew what he was talking about: he became Poet Laureate of the United States at the age of ninety-five.

Another aspect of my fantasy was that old age is a consistently satisfying bookend to a shapely arc of a life, a time for getting things in order. But in this, I was ignoring the fact that old people are just as vulnerable to disorder, not to mention happenstance, caprice, and bad luck, as anybody else. Grasping for closure might be the goal of fiction, but it is not necessarily the lived experience of old age. As Helen Small writes in “The Long Life,” her study of the literature and philosophy of old age, “declining to describe our lives as unified stories … is the only way we can hope to live out our time other than as tragedy.” Lively describes the frustrations of autobiographical memory in old age. “The novelist in me—the reader, too—wants shape and structure, development, a theme, insights,” she writes. “Instead of which, there is this assortment of slides, some of them welcome, others not at all, defying chronology, refusing structure.” After reading the stories in “Stone Mattress,” by Margaret Atwood, who is now seventy-five, I began to question my portrayal of old age as a time for the tying up of loose ends; as one reviewer wrote , Atwood’s stories depict “the stored-up rancour that one can amass over the years.” Many of her characters express a desire for revenge over reconciliation.

I’m not alone, among my generation, in falling into this trap of positive stereotyping. A friend my age who is in medical school recently chose to specialize in geriatrics, and over drinks with some other doctors she was asked why. “Because I love old people,” she replied. “I like hearing their stories and what they have to say about the world.” One of the doctors made a dismissive sound. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “Old people are just regular people who happen to be old.” My friend stuck with geriatrics, but realized that she had been fostering an idealized notion of the elderly. “At the end of the day,” she told me, “an old person can be just as trying as any other person; just as messy, just as unthankful.” She has also become wary of her instinctual empathy impulse when dealing with elderly patients. In this, she draws on the academic work of Kate Rossiter, who advocates fostering “ethical responsibility” rather than empathy in medical practitioners. “There’s something almost greedy about empathy, because it relies on the notion that we can somehow assimilate the other,” my friend explained. “A respectful and thoughtful distance is also part of what enables us to respond to the other’s needs.”

A few years before he died, at the age of eighty-nine, the literary critic Frank Kermode wrote that “the young know nothing directly about old age and their inquiries into the topic must be done blind.” Perhaps this is why younger artists seem to get waylaid by the same tropes: we are sometimes tempted to imagine old age as one big, funny, wisdom-rich adventure, with the comic caper a stalwart of the form, from the film “Grumpy Old Men” to the novel (and later film) “The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared” (one film critic has dubbed this genre Old People Behaving Hilariously). At the other extreme are the mind-disease psycho-dramas that we might call Old People Behaving Terrifyingly—recent novels like “The Farm” or “Elizabeth is Missing,” or the films “Iris” or “The Iron Lady.” As Sally Chivers argues in “The Silvering Screen: Old Age and Disability in Cinema” (2011), “in the public imagination … old age does not ever escape the stigma and restraints imposed upon disability.”

There are notable exceptions, of course, and too many to mention in full here. Lynne Segal, the author who warned against the negative impact of stereotypes of old age, admires the work of Julian Barnes. Even as a young writer, she believes, he had an uncanny ability to write old age well. Perhaps this is because he is a “thanataphobe,” as he puts it in his recent memoir, “Nothing to Be Frightened Of” (published when he was sixty-two); that is, he is more afraid of death than of old age, and so his elderly characters—in, say, “Staring at the Sun” (published when Barnes was forty)—are void, to Segal, of “any of the customary expressions of horror accompanying the portrayals of old age.” In this way, Barnes also manages to capture the unexpected indifference of many old people to death; as Lively has written, “Many of us who are on the last lap are too busy with the baggage of old age to waste much time anticipating the finish line.”

The Scottish writer Muriel Spark has also been commended by authors who are themselves elderly, including Lively and her fellow British novelist Paul Bailey, as proof that a young writer can successfully make a leap into the imagined territory of old age. Spark was only forty-one in 1959, when she published her novel “Memento Mori,” a black comedy about a group of nursing-home residents who begin receiving mysterious phone calls from an anonymous caller who announces portentously, as if it were unknown to them already, “Remember you must die.” Lively lauds the book for its “bunch of sharply drawn individuals, convincingly old, bedeviled by specific ailments, and mainly concerned with revisions of their past.” V. S. Pritchett, in an introduction to a 1964 edition of “Memento Mori,” praised Spark for taking on “the great suppressed and censored subject of contemporary society, the one we do not care to face, which we regard as indecent: old age.”

A more recent example is the thirty-seven-year-old Australian author Fiona McFarlane’s 2013 début novel, “The Night Guest.” McFarlane’s protagonist, Ruth, though succumbing to dementia and at the mercy of an unreliable caregiver, is capable of seeing beauty or taking great pleasure in her present—in a sexual encounter, for example—while also deriving equal parts enjoyment and pain from memories of her unusual past. She is neither hilarious nor terrifying. McFarlane says that, while writing Ruth, she thought of her as “an individual who, at seventy-five, is the sum of years of experience, memory, opinion, prejudice, decision-making, and desire.”

But why search for depictions of old age by the young when I should instead be seeking out narratives by natives of old age? I don’t mean the rich body of work by late-middle-aged authors, which tends to be more about the fear of aging than about the experience of old age itself (fiction by Martin Amis, for example, or, further back, T. S. Eliot’s poetry), but literature written by authors aged seventy-five and older.

I started off thinking that, beyond the well-known examples of Saul Bellow (whose final novel, “Ravelstein,” was published when he was eighty-five), Thomas Mann (who died at the age of eighty, and who supposedly claimed that old age was the best time to be a writer), May Sarton (called “America’s poet laureate of aging,” who died at the age of eighty-three), and John Updike (who died at the age of seventy-six, and who, in his final story collection, has a narrator musing, “Approaching eighty I sometimes see myself from a little distance, as a man I know, but not intimately”), the pickings would be fairly slim. Bellow’s own biographer mused, after the publication of “Ravelstein,” “Who are the other great writers who have done anything like this in their eighties?”

Frank Kermode summed up the problem: “Those who have had actual experience of old age are likely to be dead or very tired or just reluctant to discuss the matter with clever young interlocutors.” Philip Roth, for example, who is now eighty-two, decided to retire from writing at the age of seventy-eight, after the publication of his quartet of “Nemeses” novels, saying in an interview about fiction, “I don’t want to read any more, write any more of it, I don’t even want to talk about it anymore ... I’m tired of all that work. I’m in a different stage of my life.”

But if you dig deeper the vista opens up, the voices multiply. My little sample may be idiosyncratic, and biased in favor of eloquence—these are elderly writers, all over the age of seventy-five, who clearly still have their wits very much about them. Yet their take on old age can perhaps offset some of the delusions and fantasies of people like me, who have not yet lived it for themselves. Each of the following three authors is alive and still writing prolifically, and was gracious enough to answer a few questions from me by e-mail.

The first is the British novelist Paul Bailey, who is seventy-eight, and who published his first novel, “At the Jerusalem,” at the age of thirty. It’s set in an institution for the elderly, and the main character, Faith, is a woman in her seventies, who Bailey says he purposefully did not make “likeable or sympathetic,” as he didn’t want her to be an object of pity. “I can’t begin to tell you how patronized and stereotyped the elderly were at that time: put-upon plaster saints were the dramatic order of the day,” he told me. Critics wondered why a young man would choose to write about the elderly in his first novel, but Bailey says he took inspiration from two other first novels by young male writers, also focussed on institutions of old age: Updike’s “The Poorhouse Fair” (1959) and William Trevor’s “The Old Boys” (1964). Bailey felt confident that his take on old age was grounded in real observation and experience, as his parents had been advanced in age when they had him, and he was later cared for by a much older couple. “I grew up among people who were getting on in years, so old age was never a frightening surprise to me,” he says. “I didn’t regard pensioners as a race apart.”

He remembers a mime class that he took when he was training to be an actor at London’s Central School, in the mid-nineteen-fifties. “We had to pretend to be old. Most of the students elected to bend their heads down and shuffle their feet. None of the old people I knew, especially my forbidding grandmother, walked or moved in this manner. My classmates were succumbing to easy caricature.” He doesn’t think much has changed today. “More sentimental rubbish has been written about the ‘plight of the elderly’ than I can bear to contemplate,” he wrote in a preface to a Guardian article in which he selected his top ten narratives of old age. (He praises work by Isaac Bashevis Singer, Alice Munro, and Stefan Zweig; the readers’ comments to the article are a good resource for anybody looking for further recommendations). And sentimentality can be pernicious. In a Paris Review interview, the Nobel laureate Kenzaburo Oe, who is now eighty, mentioned Flannery O’Connor’s warning: “She said that sentimentality is an attitude that does not confront reality squarely in the face. To feel sorry for handicapped people … is equivalent to hiding them.”

Bailey told me that he thinks some of the best depictions of old people “can be found in books and plays that aren’t specifically concerned with people getting old,” citing the memoirs of Sergei Aksakov, Maxim Gorky, and Leo Tolstoy, and the works of Balzac, Proust, Turgenev, Dickens, and Eliot, where the “old wander in and out”—for example, the “tender portrait” of Wemmick’s Aged Parent, in “Great Expectations.”

In 2011, Bailey published the novel “Chapman’s Odyssey,” in which an elderly male protagonist, lying ill in the hospital, is visited by people real and imagined: lovers, dead parents, characters from literature. It was inspired by Bailey’s own extended hospital stays, which he says he has come to enjoy “in a perverse way” because of the interesting people he meets there, “like the man who covers his breakfast cereal with anchovy essence.” Though the novel is about old age, he says he feels “younger for having written it.” He helped me pinpoint where I had perhaps gone wrong in my own imaginative attempt when he said, “I never, never thought I was tackling the ‘problem’ of old age. It was never a fictional problem for me. It was just another aspect of being alive, and human.”

The second writer who shared her thoughts with me is Fleur Adcock. If poetry, as Auden wrote, “might be defined as the clear expression of mixed feelings,” then the medium seems particularly suited to capturing the ambivalence of the old toward old age. The New Zealand-born British poet Adcock published her first collection when she was thirty, and she is now eighty-one. Like Lively, she says that old age began for her at the age of seventy, when she fell seriously ill for a period, though she says “a more honest but less tidy answer might be that it has been a very gradual process, with old age retreating and advancing unpredictably over the years.” She does remember feeling peculiar on realizing that, in her mid-seventies, she had outlived Yeats, whom she thought of as “that iconic ‘old poet,’ ” and who died at the age of seventy-three.

In her recent collection “Glass Wings” (2013), the picture she paints of old age is utterly eye-opening. Her elderly speakers are comfortable with technology but use it in ways particular to their needs. In “Match Girl,” the speaker asks, of her little sister,

But how can someone younger than me have osteoporosis, and sit googling up a substance that might help it, or give her phossy jaw?

In “Alumnae Notes,” the speaker laments old school friends who have died or been lost to dementia, but then reasserts her connection to the present:

The class photos fade. But Marie and I, face to face on Skype in full colour and still far too animated to die, can see we’ve not yet turned to sepia.

In “Mrs Baldwin,” the speaker describes the “muffled pang” of envy that clutches her whenever she hears that someone has been given a diagnosis of cancer. In “Having Sex with the Dead,” the speaker remembers past lovers: “The looks on their dead faces, as they plunge / into you, your hand circling a column / of one-time flesh and pulsing blood that now / has long been ash and dispersed chemicals.”

Adcock has known Jenny Joseph, the author of “Warning,” for many years, and says that Joseph is “fed up” with her iconic poem, written so long ago, when she was a young woman imagining old age (“When I am an old woman I shall wear purple / With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,” the poem begins). Joseph is now in her mid-eighties, and still publishing poetry. A recent poem by her, “A Patient Old Cripple,” makes a beautiful counterpoint to the earlier, blustering tone of “Warning” with its final lines: “I curse the world that blunders into me, and hurts / But know / Its bad fit is the best that we can do.”

The third writer I spoke to is the eighty-two-year-old Penelope Lively, who published her first book when she was thirty-seven, and who also often imagined elderly characters in her fiction when she was younger (in her novel “Moon Tiger,” for example, which won the 1989 Booker Prize). Her most recent novel, “How it All Began” (2011), revolves around an elderly female protagonist whose broken hip precipitates a series of random but significant collisions in the lives of others. She’s currently working on a set of short stories, many with elderly protagonists.

Lively has also chosen to share her view from old age in a memoir, “Ammonites and Leaping Fish: A Life in Time,” from 2013. This is not a traditional memoir but a meditation on old age and memory. She takes pride in her right to speak of these things. “One of the few advantages of age,” she writes, “is that you can report on it with a certain authority; you are a native now, and know what goes on here.” She also highlights the importance of the mission: “Our experience is one unknown to most of humanity, over time. We are the pioneers.” She likes the anonymity that old age has given her; it leaves her “free to do what a novelist does anyway, listen and watch, but with the added spice of feeling a little as though I am some observant time-traveller.”

She is among the first true anthropologists of old age, both participant and observer. Many of her attitudes seem almost unimaginable to the young: for example, she’s not envious of us, she is still as curious as she always was, she doesn’t miss travel or holidays, she has become used to physical pain; she still has “needs and greeds” (muesli with sheep’s-milk yogurt, the daily fix of reading), but her more “acquisitive” lusts have faded. Most surprisingly, she insists that old age is not a “pallid sort of place,” that she is still capable of “an almost luxurious appreciation of the world.”

It sounds to me both wonderful and terrible, a permanent contradiction in terms, but perhaps this ambiguity is why, in her view, “memorable and effective writing about old age is rare … a danger zone for many novelists.” She singles out Kingsley Amis’s “Ending Up” for avoiding stereotypes of old age, by being “funny with a bleak undertone,” and the trilogy that Jane Gardam started writing in her mid-seventies and recently completed in her mid-eighties (“Old Filth,” “The Man in the Wooden Hat,” and “Last Friends”).

Lively is hopeful about any new interest in and awareness of old age, and thinks that, in part, the reason younger people find old age “more interesting than daunting” is because her demographic is “much more attuned to the times than … the old were in the past. We have mutated, and may have one toe still in 1950 but have an outlook very much of 2015.” The gap between generations is “closing up” in a way it wasn’t when she was young, she says. But when I asked her about the ethical responsibility younger authors have to depict old age realistically, she responded, “As a writer, you have to think—am I capable of this quantum leap of the imagination? If the answer is dubious—then don’t do it. Stereotyping is a kind of fictional abuse.”

As for what she thinks she got wrong when she was creating elderly characters as a younger writer, she says she wasn’t quite able, back then, to imagine the less dramatic physical aspects of being old: the constant pain from various forms of arthritis, the slow impairment of sight and hearing, and a “kind of instability,” a loss of balance “that would be unnerving if it came on suddenly, but, because it is gradual, you adapt.” With the elderly protagonist Claudia, in “Moon Tiger” (written when Lively was in her early fifties), she says, “I ducked the problem … by making her a mind rather than a body—she is dying in hospital, but not much is made of that, what you know of her are her thoughts and her memories.” What she believes she got right, however, is that Claudia’s mindset in old age is much the same as when she was young; this, she says, has been true to her own experience of getting older.

Why does literature about old age matter? A better question, perhaps, is one posed by John Halliday, the editor of the old-age-themed poetry anthology “Don’t Bring Me No Rocking Chair” (the title is taken from a Maya Angelou poem): “Who is calling the shots when it comes to aging?” For Halliday, it is the power of poetry to offer us a “fresh language” of old age that is so important. Lynne Segal agrees. Literature, she says, has the potential to give us texts in which “the experiences of the old unfold and collapse back, like concertinas, into narratives that are rarely reducible to age itself.” After all, as Sarah Falcus writes, “Literature does not … simply mirror or reflect a social world, but, instead, is part of and complicit in shaping that social world.”

For my part, I’m not sure I will return to my novel. It now strikes me as an exercise in speculative showing off: look at me, so young and hard at work imagining old age! I think I prefer to watch and learn as this “coming of old age” literature continues to explode in scope and scale, and listen closely to artists who, in their advanced years, “have the confidence to speak simply,” as Julian Barnes says. Forget the bildungsroman. We are on the cusp of the age of the reifungsroman—the literary scholar Barbara Frey Waxman’s term for the “novel of ripening.”

Everywhere I look now, I seem to stumble upon new writing about old age by those who are themselves old, personal and creative accounts of the many subcultures and subjectivities of old age, and I feel increasingly ashamed of my earlier ignorance of this blossoming body of work. My to-read list now includes stories by the ninety-six-year-old Emyr Humphreys; late work by Doris Lessing, Chinua Achebe, and Seamus Heaney; poetry by Elaine Feinstein, Dannie Abse, Maureen Duffy, and Ruth Fainlight; a new novel by the seventy-three-year-old Erica Jong, “Fear of Dying”; fiction by William Trevor, David Lodge, Kent Haruf, Toni Morrison, and Kenzaburo Oe; memoirs by Vivian Gornick, Roger Angell, and Diana Athill. It’s an exciting time, to have a brand-new feature of human experience—living longer—described by people as they live it, by people who have learned with age, as the late poet Adrienne Rich said, the year she turned eighty, to balance “dread and beauty.”

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Essay On Old Age home – Importance, Advantages, Problems

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For writing an essay on Old age home, you needed to take care of certain points; importance, necessity, advantages & disadvantages of old age homes, how old age home work, meaning & purpose etc.

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Old age home is by definition is place where senior citizen are taken care of. It is hard to argue whether Old age home is blessing or curse but it has become necessary in modern world, in developed countries and in India as well. We have written a sample essay on topic old age home, visit to old age home, short & long essay in points for students.

Essay on Old Age home | Importance, Need, Advantages & disadvantages of Old age home Essay For Students

An old age home is the place for those old people who do not have a home to live. This place is like a home for them where they get everything for routine living like food, clothes, shelter and medical treatment. It is a shelter home where older people live in a community with other people when they have been abandoned by their families.

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Even though it is a good home for old age people but it still cannot take the place of a real home where people live happily with their families and spend quality time with them.

Why Old Age home has become necessary today?

Old age home might be a need of society in today’s age but irresponsible people consider it as an excuse to get rid of their responsibility especially now, when traditional values have been lost.

Our parents sacrificed their whole lives for us. They taught us how to take first steps. They were always there, staying up all night and taking care of us when we were sick. When we were learning to speak or when we had questions in mind, they did not get frustrate or angry at us for asking too many questions.

They gave us everything that we wished for without caring about their expenses. Unfortunately, children forget about all these things when they grow up. When there is time for them to take care of their parents, they take it as a burden.

Especially now, when due to modernization and urbanization, joint family system has been shattered. Everyone is busy in their own life and they do not have an interest to look after their parents. They prefer to send their parents to old age home instead of taking care of them at home.

Is Old Age home a Blessing or Curse?

Most people live abroad and their ageing parents are left alone and they have no one to take care of them. They are also an easy target for criminals. In this case, old age home gives protection and security to them because of constant screening of everyone who visits there. It also gives an opportunity to those parents to live together as a community with other people. At old age homes, there are people of same age group so it is easy for everyone to blend in comfortably. Moreover, Old age staff is responsible for taking care of these old people. The staff is in charge of feeding them on time and taking care of their every need.

They take good care of these people. Old age home might be a blessing for some people but it is definitely a curse for majority of the people. For example, an old man, who was the head and the backbone of the family once is now forced to live in a house with other strangers.

A woman who used to cook meals for her family once cannot cook food for her family now as she has to live in a house with other people like her who are also thrown out from their homes.

It is sad that how this young generation is abandoning parents and grandparents. Even though old age home is a place where the staff takes good care of abandoned people but still, it cannot overcome the fact that old people are forced to go to this place, especially when they need special attention and love from their own family.

Old age homes are the last hope of these poor old people so they must be equipped with better facilities so that these people can live a better life.

Essay about Old Age:

As we progress through life, it is inevitable that we will all grow old. In fact, the global population of people aged 65 and above is expected to reach nearly 1.6 billion by the year 2050. With this increase in elderly individuals, there has been a rise in the number of old age homes around the world.

An old age home, also known as a retirement home or senior living facility, is a place where older adults can receive care and support in their golden years. Many factors contribute to the decision for seniors to move into these facilities such as health concerns, loneliness, or family circumstances. These homes provide residents with assistance in daily activities like bathing, dressing, and medication management while also offering social interaction and recreational activities.

However, the concept of old age homes is often viewed negatively in society. Some believe it is a reflection of the deteriorating family structure and values, where children are no longer able to care for their aging parents. This has led to a stigma surrounding old age homes and perceptions that they are cold, lonely, and impersonal places.

On the contrary, old age homes provide a much-needed service for those who do not have access to proper care or support from their families. It also offers a sense of community and companionship for seniors who may otherwise feel isolated in their own homes. Many facilities have trained staff members who provide round-the-clock care and ensure that residents receive proper nutrition and medical attention.

In conclusion, while there may be negative connotations associated with old age homes, they serve an important purpose in our society. As the elderly population continues to grow, it is imperative that we provide adequate care and support for them in their later years. Old age homes not only offer a safe and comfortable living environment but also promote socialization and overall well-being for senior citizens. It is essential to shift our perspective towards these facilities and recognize the valuable role they play in supporting our aging population.

Short Essay on Old Age Home:

Old age homes are facilities that provide care and support for senior citizens who are unable to live independently. They offer a safe and secure environment where older adults can receive quality healthcare, daily assistance, and social interaction.

Sadly, old age homes have become a necessity in today’s society. With the changing family structure and busy lifestyles, many elderly people are left alone with no one to take care of them. These homes provide them with a sense of community and companionship.

However, it is disheartening to see how some families neglect their elderly members and send them off to old age homes without any remorse. The elders who once took care of their children are now abandoned by the same children they raised with love and care.

While old age homes provide a necessary service, we must not forget that it is our responsibility to take care of our aging parents and grandparents. We should cherish the time we have with them and provide them with love and support in their old age.

It is also essential for society to change its attitude towards old age homes. Instead of viewing them as a burden or an undesirable place, we should see them as valuable institutions that serve a vital purpose in caring for our elderly population.

In conclusion, old age homes are necessary establishments that provide care and support for senior citizens. However, it is our moral duty to take care of our elders and treat them with respect and love in their golden years.

Essay on Old age homes a blessing or a curse:

In today’s fast-paced world, the older generation often finds it difficult to keep up with the rapid changes happening around them. With families becoming nuclear and children moving away for better opportunities, seniors are left alone in their old age. This has led to the rise of old age homes as an alternative living option for the elderly.

The concept of old age homes is not new and has been prevalent in many societies around the world. In this essay, we will discuss whether old age homes are a blessing or a curse for our society.

Advantages of Old Age Homes

1). Providing Shelter and Care

Old age homes provide shelter and care to those who have no one else to turn to. Many seniors living alone face difficulties in managing household chores and taking care of themselves. Old age homes provide a safe and comfortable environment where they can live with their peers and receive proper care from trained staff.

2). Promoting Social Interaction

Living in old age homes allows seniors to interact with people of their own age group and engage in various activities together. This promotes social interaction, which is crucial for mental well-being in old age.

3). Access to Medical Facilities

Old age homes usually have medical facilities within the premises or are located near hospitals, providing easy access to healthcare services for the residents. This ensures that any health issues are addressed promptly, reducing the risk of complications.

Problems of Old Age Homes

1). Financial Burden

Running an old age home can be financially demanding, especially for non-profit organizations. With the rising cost of living and limited government support, many old age homes struggle to meet their expenses, resulting in inadequate care for the residents.

2). Lack of Family Support

One of the biggest challenges faced by seniors living in old age homes is the lack of family support. Many elderly residents have strained relationships with their families or are abandoned by them, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

While old age homes provide a safe and caring environment for seniors, they also come with their own set of challenges. It is essential to address these issues and ensure that our aging population receives proper care and support. Instead of seeing old age homes as a replacement for family, we should strive to create a society where seniors can live with dignity and respect in their own homes, surrounded by loved ones. After all, growing old is a part of life that should be embraced and celebrated, not seen as a burden.

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So, whether old age homes are a blessing or a curse ultimately depends on how society perceives and treats its elderly citizens. In the end, it is up to us to make sure that our seniors live their golden years with happiness and contentment, regardless of whether they reside in an old age home or with their families. Let us strive towards creating a world where age is just a number and everyone is treated with love and compassion.

How do you write an introduction to an old age home?

An introduction to an old age home typically begins by providing a brief overview of the facility and its purpose, emphasizing the care and support it offers to elderly residents who may not have families or the means to live independently.

What are the points of old age homes?

Old age homes provide elderly individuals with accommodation, medical care, emotional support, and social engagement. They offer a sense of community and assistance for seniors who may be isolated or require specialized care.

What is old age in a short paragraph?

Old age is a phase of life characterized by advanced years, typically associated with retirement and a decrease in physical abilities. It can be a time of reflection, relaxation, and the opportunity to spend time with family and pursue lifelong interests.

What is the need and importance of old age homes?

Old age homes are important for elderly individuals who may not have family support or are unable to live independently. They offer a safe and supportive environment, medical care, and social interaction, addressing the needs of seniors who may otherwise be vulnerable or isolated

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• My Parents Essay

500 Words Essay On My Parents

We entered this world because of our parents. It is our parents who have given us life and we must learn to be pleased with it. I am grateful to my parents for everything they do for me. Through my parents essay, I wish to convey how valuable they are to me and how much I respect and admire them.

My Strength My Parents Essay

My parents are my strength who support me at every stage of life. I cannot imagine my life without them. My parents are like a guiding light who take me to the right path whenever I get lost.

My mother is a homemaker and she is the strongest woman I know. She helps me with my work and feeds me delicious foods . She was a teacher but left the job to take care of her children.

My mother makes many sacrifices for us that we are not even aware of. She always takes care of us and puts us before herself. She never wakes up late. Moreover, she is like a glue that binds us together as a family.

Parents are the strength and support system of their children. They carry with them so many responsibilities yet they never show it. We must be thankful to have parents in our lives as not everyone is lucky to have them.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

While my mother is always working at home, my father is the one who works outside. He is a kind human who always helps out my mother whenever he can. He is a loving man who helps out the needy too.

My father is a social person who interacts with our neighbours too. Moreover, he is an expert at maintaining his relationship with our relatives. My father works as a businessman and does a lot of hard work.

Even though he is a busy man, he always finds time for us. We spend our off days going to picnics or dinners. I admire my father for doing so much for us without any complaints.

He is a popular man in society as he is always there to help others. Whoever asks for his help, my father always helps them out. Therefore, he is a well-known man and a loving father whom I look up to.

Conclusion of My Parents Essay

I love both my parents with all my heart. They are kind people who have taught their children to be the same. Moreover, even when they have arguments, they always make up without letting it affect us. I aspire to become like my parents and achieve success in life with their blessings.

FAQ of My Parents Essay

Question 1: Why parents are important in our life?

Answer 1: Parents are the most precious gifts anyone can get. However, as not everyone has them, we must consider ourselves lucky if we do. They are the strength and support system of children and help them out always. Moreover, the parents train the children to overcome challenges and make the best decision for us.

Question 2: What do parents mean to us?

Answer 2: Parents mean different things to different people. To most of us, they are our source of happiness and protection. They are the ones who are the closest to us and understand our needs without having to say them out loud. Similarly, they love us unconditionally for who we are without any ifs and buts.

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I'm Gen Z, and my parents are baby boomers. We didn't have much in common, but I'm grateful for what they taught me.

• My parents were older than the parents of most of my peers. 
• As members of the baby boomer generation, there were differences in how they parented.
• They taught me independence, good manners, and to be well-rounded. 

Generation Z has been primarily raised by Generation X . But not me. My parents were born toward the end of the baby boomer years and had me, a Gen Zer, when they were both 43. It wasn't until I was older that I truly understood the age difference between my parents and those of my classmates. I have faint memories of celebrating my parents' 50th birthdays when I was turning seven, and I'm still the youngest at every family gathering by a pretty big margin.

While these particular experiences reflect being the child of older parents of any generation, I've recently thought about how my parents might have raised me differently specifically because they're part of the boomer generation. Now, as a young adult, I appreciate what they taught me that might differ from what their younger Gen X counterparts taught their kids, from small to large lessons.

They fostered a sense of early independence

My parents pushed me to embrace independence, even at a young age. Growing up an only child with two parents working full-time, I had to get comfortable finding ways to occupy myself.

Related stories

My mother loves telling a story about when I was around three or four years old and poured myself a glass of orange juice for myself while she was busy on a phone call. I just got a glass, went to the fridge, and poured the juice. It overflowed onto the counter and the floor, so naturally, I got a dish towel and wiped everything up. My mom, who was watching me the whole time, was amazed. She recognized I was safe and let me learn to be responsible and do things on my own. Of course, she later had to go in and redo my cleaning job.

Throughout my childhood, while many of my peers weren't allowed to ride their bikes down other streets, they let me go sledding without an adult accompanying me. I was also allowed to walk home from school and stay home alone at a young age. This time to explore and handle daily life without adult supervision showed me how important early independence is for positive personal development and confidence.

They wanted me to be well-rounded and work hard

My parents put me in a little bit of everything growing up. Where other kids did on a sport or two and maybe music lessons, I got to test out a lot of different extracurriculars . This is a privilege I recognize not everybody has and it was made easier by the fact I am an only child. I played soccer, learned how to ski and swim, and took figure skating, diving, piano, and gymnastic lessons.

Not everything was to my liking (I cried before a few ballet classes), but my parents wanted me to learn skills like swimming or skating that they were never taught growing up. Even the things that I didn't enjoy taught me adaptability in new situations.

I was also encouraged to read a lot and do my best in school, which was highly important for my baby boomer parents. The emphasis on academics and being well-rounded encouraged me to be active, hard-working, open-minded, and collaborate well with others.

And while most parents try to teach their kids to say "please" and "thank you," so this isn't necessarily a boomer thing, I'm glad my parents put a strong emphasis on good manners and respect for others. I have distinct memories of my mother always emphasizing before I went to a friend's house to say, "Thank you for having me," or always reminding me to say, "Please," whenever I asked for anything. Impressing the importance of manners on me led me to be a respectful and appreciative person.

They treated me like an adult

Constantly being surrounded by older adults like my parents, their friends, and family members, made me mature well beyond my years as a child, and so did some decisions my parents made. My parents always spoke to me as an adult instead of using "kid talk" or "baby talk."

My parents never planned trips around me ; they planned vacations they wanted to take, and happened to take me along with them. When other kids were at Disneyland at the age of 10, I was touring Pompeii in Italy with my family. Though secretly I'd still love to go to Disneyland, I had plenty of fun as a child. My maturity has helped me get to where I am today, and much of it can only be attributed to being raised by baby boomer parents.

While my parents were older than those of my peers and sometimes I felt like I didn't have a lot in common with my parents because of this generational gap, I'm grateful for how they raised me, and I know I'll bring a lot of their parenting decisions into how I raise my kids.

Watch: Here's what descendants of 5 former presidents say about the role age plays in politics

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Essay on old age home

Last updated Friday , 15-03-2024 on 10:51 am

Essay on old age home, this topic is considered one of the sensitive topics that need sufficient knowledge before writing. Through this article, we will talk about what this type of house means. We will learn about the advantages and disadvantages of living inside this house.

Everything in our lives has advantages and disadvantages, but there are things that have more advantages than disadvantages and vice versa. If you want to know more information, you can read the essay on old age homes.

There are different ways for a family to live together or separate, and one of these ways is an essay on the old age home. In this article, we will learn about a strange way for a family to live together. This method is found in many parts of the world. But there are other places you haven’t heard of and don’t know what they are. Below we will provide sufficient and interesting information on the matter.

What is an old age home?

It is a large house that includes all family members, where the son gets married in the same house with his parents and does not go out to live in a house far from them. And in this house we find several generations,

In the beginning, we find the grandfather and grandmother, and we find the sons and their wives. Thus, we will find the grandchildren living in the same house and not moving from it. Rather, any new individual marries in the same place.

Who lives in this house?

I will mention some family customs in the essay on the old age home. Among them that you must live in this house with any member of this family, it is not possible for one of them to leave and go to live alone. But the son builds an apartment for him and gets married in it. Then he builds another one for his children to get married in the same place.

When one of the uncles or aunts does not marry, they live in the same house and do not leave. As for the daughters, they leave this house after marriage in order to go to live in the house of the husband’s family. The house of the husband’s family is similar to her house and includes all family members.

Countries have this old age homes

These customs are spread in several places, including all countries in the Middle East and some regions in India.

Where they used to live together in the same house or on the same street.

People in these areas are interested in being close to each other and not far from their relatives. This desire is due to family cohesion and a sense of strength. And when someone needs something, he asks for it from the parents.

What are the advantages of an old age home?

This type of house has good advantages, and in an article about the old age house, we learn about its advantages, including the presence of all family members together in the same house. Which makes them feel strong and supported. Where each person supports the others.

The second advantage is that the elderly find someone who cares for them and gives them medicine when they get sick. And if they encounter any problems or encounter difficulties, they find their children around them to help them.

The third advantage is that children find a large number of their relatives, so they feel happy, and the child receives tenderness and support from all family members. As for loneliness, no one in this house knows loneliness.

What are the disadvantages of an old age home?

Everything in our lives has flaws, but there are flaws that cannot be dealt with well. Among these defects is the continuous interference of the parents in the affairs of the person who lives with them in the house, and I will write in the essay on  the old age home some of these defects:

Among the disadvantages is the occurrence of some problems and disputes due to the entry of daughters-in-law into the family. Where women feel jealous of each other and start making problems and escalating them.

And there is a problem that occurs because of the conflict between the brothers, where greed plays a big role in starting the problems. Therefore, these problems may cause a division between family members, which leads to some of them leaving the house.

Other homes

In Europe people live differently than in the Middle East. This method is very different from the family living in the same house. Where the son lives in an independent life and an independent home.

Leaving the family must be at an early age and not later than 16 years old, and the longer the son is late in leaving, the worse it will be. The family used to have each member live in a separate place from the rest of the members.

Advantages of independence from the family

There are several advantages to being independent and leaving the family, as the person learns to rely on himself and works hard to save the money needed to buy the food and clothes he needs.

And the independent person learns how to live alone and adapt to face difficulties without anyone interfering to solve them with him.

This makes the independent person not dependent and mature, and the person knows the value of the parents and appreciates the effort that was made during the years of their upbringing to him, as he did most of the things that they used to do for him in the past.

We have presented a topic that talks about a way to live in  the essay on the old age home, and in this topic we learned about the advantages of living in one house with all family members.

And we knew that this way of living has disadvantages, including lack of self-reliance. And there are defects such as disagreements that occur between family members, which cause tension and anger for everyone.

I hope you have benefited from the essay on the old age home, and I would be happy to receive your comments.

For more topics, click on the following link:

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James and Jennifer Crumbley, a school shooter's parents, are sentenced to 10-15 years

Quinn Klinefelter

(From left) James Crumbley, his attorney Mariell Lehman, Jennifer Crumbley and her attorney Shannon Smith sit in court in Pontiac, Mich., for Tuesday's sentencing on four counts of involuntary manslaughter for the deaths of four Oxford High School students who were shot and killed by the Crumbleys' son. Bill Pugliano/Getty Images hide caption

(From left) James Crumbley, his attorney Mariell Lehman, Jennifer Crumbley and her attorney Shannon Smith sit in court in Pontiac, Mich., for Tuesday's sentencing on four counts of involuntary manslaughter for the deaths of four Oxford High School students who were shot and killed by the Crumbleys' son.

James and Jennifer Crumbley, whose son murdered four classmates and shot seven other people at Oxford High School in 2021, were each sentenced Tuesday in a Pontiac, Mich. courtroom to between 10 and 15 years in prison.

Both Crumbleys were found guilty in separate trials on four counts of involuntary manslaughter. Each of those charges carried a maximum penalty of 15 years, and the sentences are to be served concurrently.

In court, the Crumbleys looked visibly shaken, breathing heavily as they read from prepared statements prior to learning their fate.

James Crumbley spoke directly to the parents of the students his son had murdered. Several family members attended the sentencing.

"I am sorry for your loss as a result of what my son did," he said. "I cannot express how much I wish that I had known what was going on with him or what was going to happen. Because I absolutely would have done a lot of things differently."

James Crumbley, father of school shooter, found guilty of involuntary manslaughter

In her statement, Jennifer Crumbley said she, her husband and her son, Ethan, were an average family.

"We weren't perfect but we loved our son and each other tremendously," Crumbley said. "This could be any parent up here in my shoes. Ethan could be your child, could be your grandchild, your niece, your nephew, your brother, your sister. Your child could make the fatal decision not just with a gun but a knife, a vehicle, intentionally or unintentionally."

The teenagers who lost their lives during the shooting rampage were Justin Shilling and Madisyn Baldwin, both 17, Tate Myre, 16, and 14-year-old Hana St. Juliana. Six other students and a teacher were injured.

When it was time for their families to speak, several members described how the murders still haunted them.

Nicole Beausoleil, whose daughter Madisyn Baldwin was shot at point blank range, told the Crumbleys buying their son a gun when he was already spiraling into despair made them just as responsible as the shooter.

"Not only did your son kill my daughter but you both did as well. The words 'involuntary' should not be a part of your offense. Everything you did that day, months prior and days after were voluntary acts (helping) your son to commit a murder. Not just one, but multiple," Beausoleil said.

A rare prosecution

The Crumbleys are believed to be the first parents of a mass school shooter to have been charged and convicted of such crimes. Many legal experts say it could set a precedent for charging parents with serious crimes because of actions taken by their child.

Their son, Ethan Crumbley, pleaded guilty to murder and previously was sentenced to life without parole for the school shooting he carried out when he was 15.

Prosecutors never claimed the parents knew about their son's plans to go on a killing spree at Michigan's Oxford High School. However, they argued the Crumbleys ignored signs their son was seriously troubled and bought him a powerful Sig Sauer 9mm handgun as an early Christmas present.

They never told counselors about the gun they gifted their child when they were called to a meeting at the school the day of the shooting, not even when they were shown drawings the teen made. The images featured a pistol resembling the Sig Sauer alongside a figure with bullet wounds and phrases like "blood everywhere" and "help me, the thoughts won't stop."

Jennifer Crumbley convicted of involuntary manslaughter over son's school shooting

Instead, the Crumbleys left their son at school and returned to work. A few hours later, Ethan emerged from a school bathroom with the gun and began firing his first of 32 shots.

Prosecutors told the jury if the Crumbleys had taken a "tragically few steps," four Oxford students would likely still be alive.

They showed evidence that the murder weapon was never properly secured away from their troubled son.

In court, Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald used the murder weapon to demonstrate how to use a cable lock to keep the gun from being fired.

The process took about 10 seconds.

A 'chilling' lack of remorse

The prosecution had asked for the Crumbleys to serve 10 to 15 years in prison, citing what they called a "chilling lack of remorse" on the part of both parents after the shooting.

Prosecutors noted that Jennifer Crumbley testified during her trial that "I've asked myself if I would've done anything differently. And I wouldn't have."

And they pointed to repeated profanity-laced threats James Crumbley made against Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald on jailhouse phone calls he knew were being recorded, as well as in an electronic message.

'Mistakes any parent could make'

James Crumbley's attorney countered that his client had not physically threatened the prosecutor, he merely "vented" his anger over what he saw as an unjust incarceration.

The Crumbleys said they, too, were victims of their son, who they claimed had "manipulated" them into the purchase of a gun they had no idea he would use to kill.

They argued they made "mistakes any parent could make," given the information they had.

Defense attorneys for the couple noted an Oxford High counselor determined Ethan could remain in school the day of the shooting because he did not seem to pose a danger to himself or anyone else.

The couple maintained they thought their son was a normal teenager simply depressed over the loss of his grandmother, a pet dog and a friend who had moved away.

In a pre-sentencing interview with state officials, Jennifer Crumbley said that with the benefit of hindsight, "There are so many things I would change if I could go back in time."

Defense claims extra prison time unnecessary

The Crumbleys had asked to be sentenced to time served.

Defense attorneys argued the parents had already spent more than two and a half years in prison locked in a cell for 23 hours a day, and that further prison time was not necessary because the Crumbleys were not a threat to the public.

Defense attorney Shannon Smith also said more time would not deter others from committing a similar offense because "there is no person who would want the events of Nov. 30, 2021, to repeat themselves."

Smith added that, far from being the uncaring, remorseless mother prosecutors had portrayed to the public and the media, Jennifer Crumbley was focused on her son and distraught over the devastation her son caused.

In a sentencing memo, Jennifer Crumbley's parents and others pleaded with the court for leniency. A young woman, who said she was 18 when she became Crumbley's cellmate for a year and a half, also wrote to the judge.

She said Crumbley had greeted her with a basket of snacks and served as a mother figure to her.

The woman also wrote that inmates screamed threats at Crumbley, who tearfully told them she was sorry and "wished she could change everything her son had done."

Though Judge Cheryl Matthews sentenced the Crumbleys to the stiffest penalty possible, she said that the sentences were not designed to send a message to other parents or prosecutors that they should hold families responsible for children's crimes.

"These convictions are not about poor parenting. These convictions confirm repeated acts, or lack of acts, that could have halted an oncoming runaway train. About repeatedly ignoring things that would make a reasonable person feel the hair on the back of their neck stand up," Matthews said.

Moments after they were sentenced, the Crumbleys began filling out paperwork in the courtroom for an appeal.

Their son, Ethan, who pleaded guilty in October 2022 to murder and terrorism charges, is also likely to appeal his sentence of life without the possibility of parole.

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• jennifer crumbley
• Ethan Crumbley
• oxford high school

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The Life of O.J. Simpson: A Timeline

He was a football star, actor, commercial pitchman, and a defendant in a gruesome double murder whose trial gripped the nation.

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By Victor Mather

O.J. Simpson, who died on Wednesday at 76 , lived a life that made him one of the most famous people in America, as well as, at various times, the most celebrated and most reviled.

A Heisman Trophy winner when he played football at the University of Southern California, he reached superstar status as a running back with the Buffalo Bills. As a commercial pitchman and a Hollywood actor, he became a household name across much of America.

But fame turned to infamy when he was charged in the 1994 double murder of his former wife and her friend. He was acquitted after a trial that riveted the nation.

Here is a look at a man who never seemed to stop making news, for good and ill.

Heisman Trophy Winner

Mr. Simpson, who was born in San Francisco in 1947, first came to the attention of many Americans as a football star at the University of Southern California. In his two years playing for the Trojans, he was the game’s best running back, and tallied 33 touchdowns.

As a junior in 1967, he was the runner-up for the Heisman Trophy as the college game’s best player, then won the award in 1968, his second and final year at U.S.C.

Professional Stardom

Mr. Simpson was drafted first overall by the Buffalo Bills in 1969, and by his fourth season he was a superstar. In 1973, he ran for 2,003 yards , which stood as a record for more than a decade, and won the N.F.L.’s Most Valuable Player Award; he was in the Top 5 in M.V.P. voting three other times as well.

He became known as the Juice, and his talent and likability propelled him to even greater notoriety. His on-field accomplishments and fame were all the more impressive given that he seldom played for good teams; his only playoff game, a loss, came in 1974.

He retired in 1979 after playing his final two seasons for the San Francisco 49ers.

Even those who knew little about football got to know the Juice as he began appearing in television advertisements, notably a series of ads for Hertz starting in 1975, in which he dashed through airports on his way to get his rental car. “Nobody has more of what it takes to rent you a Fairmont, Mustang, LTD or other fine car faster,” he said in one ad .

He also tried his hand at announcing, including a stretch from 1983 to 1985 on “Monday Night Football.”

Hollywood Calls

Mr. Simpson began appearing in television and movie roles even as his football career continued, including some big budget projects like “The Towering Inferno” in 1974, in which he played the building’s chief of security, and the blockbuster mini-series “Roots” in 1977.

His biggest success, though, came in the three “Naked Gun” films, in which he played Detective Nordberg. In a running series of gags, Nordberg was continuously injured, often in scenes played for broad laughs. In one particularly memorable scene , at the end of the first film, Nordberg is seen flying down stadium steps in a wheelchair before being catapulted off a ledge and flipping into the air.

June 12, 1994

Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman Are Murdered

Mr. Simpson’s ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and a friend, Ronald L. Goldman, were stabbed to death at her home in Los Angeles on June 12, 1994.

Mr. Simpson was questioned and charged with murder. But he did not turn himself in initially. Instead, five days after the killings, he led the police on a bizarre, hourslong low-speed chase in a white 1993 Ford Bronco driven by his friend and former teammate, Al Cowlings. The chase was shown live on nearly every television network, even pre-empting the N.B.A. Finals.

‘The Trial of the Century’

Mr. Simpson’s trial lasted for nine months and gripped the nation for all that time. Multiple television networks broadcast the trial every day, and minor figures, like Kato Kaelin, who was staying in Mr. Simpson’s guesthouse at the time of the killings, became celebrities.

In one of the most riveting moments, Mr. Simpson was asked to try on bloody gloves found at the crime scene. Mr. Simpson claimed the gloves were too tight; his lawyer Johnnie L. Cochran Jr. alluded to this in his closing argument, saying, “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

The verdict, despite significant DNA and other evidence, was not guilty on both counts. The result divided Americans: A majority felt it was a miscarriage of justice and continued to assume that Mr. Simpson was guilty, while some, including many Black Americans, believed the verdict to be justified.

Civil Judgment

After the acquittal, the parents of Ms. Simpson and Mr. Goldman filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against Mr. Simpson. The jury found Mr. Simpson liable and ordered him to pay more than $30 million.

But Mr. Simpson said that his no longer having acting and endorsement work meant he was broke. The families ultimately received only a small fraction of the judgment.

Theft Charges and Prison

Mr. Simpson and several other men entered a hotel room in Las Vegas in 2007; Mr. Simpson claimed they were seeking sports memorabilia that had been stolen from him. A gun was brandished.

Mr. Simpson was arrested and in 2008 and was found guilty of armed robbery and kidnapping. He was released on parole in 2017 after serving nine years of a 33-year sentence.

Release and Later Life

Upon his release from prison in 2017, Mr. Simpson settled in Florida and led what was, for him, a relatively low-key life. He played a lot of golf and posted videos regularly on Twitter, generally opening with “It’s me, yours truly,” offering thoughts on professional sports and frequently urging his 800,000 followers to get vaccinated against the coronavirus.

In his final post , on Feb. 11, Mr. Simpson, as usual looking relaxed, spoke optimistically about his health and incorrectly predicted that the 49ers would win the Super Bowl.

Victor Mather covers sports as well as breaking news for The Times. More about Victor Mather

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Parents of Michigan school shooter sentenced

By Antoinette Radford and Maureen Chowdhury , CNN

Parents of school shooter sentenced to 10 to 15 years in prison. Here's what happened in court today

From CNN staff

The  parents of the teenager who killed four students  in the 2021 school shooting in Oxford, Michigan, were each sentenced to 10 to 15 years in prison Tuesday, weeks after being convicted of manslaughter.

James and Jennifer Crumbley, who each had faced up to 15 years in prison, have already been imprisoned for more than two years since their arrest in a Detroit warehouse days after the shooting. Though they were tried separately, their sentencing took place together in an Oakland County courtroom.

They are the first parents to be held criminally responsible for a mass school shooting committed by their child as the nation continues to grapple with the scourge of gunfire on campus and mass shootings.

Here's what everyone said in court today:

• Several family members of the four students killed in the shooting delivered emotional victim impact statements before the judge handed down the sentencing. The mother of Justin Shilling said "the ripple effects of both James and Jennifer's failures to act" to prevent their son from carrying out the deadly shooting " have devastated us all ." The father of Hana St. Juliana said the Crumbleys continue to deflect blame , adding his daughter's death "destroyed a large portion of my very soul."
• Jennifer Crumbley began her statement to the court on Tuesday by expressing her condolences to the victims and their families. She also said a previous statement that she made on the stand in her own defense  during her trial in Februar y was "completely misunderstood." Jennifer Crumbley previously said, “I’ve asked myself if I would have done anything differently, and I wouldn’t have.” Now, before sentencing, she said if she knew her son was capable of the crimes committed, her answer would have "absolutely been different."
• James Crumbley apologized to the victims , something he said he had not been able to do yet. He said he was not aware his son was planning a school shooting, and he asked the judge, "sentence me in a fair way."
• Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald urged the judge to exceed the sentencing guidelines for the Crumbleys and to consider the "devastating impact of their gross negligence that was foreseeable." In separate pre-sentencing memos, the attorneys for the parents asked for them  to be sentenced  to less than five years in prison.
• Judge Cheryl Matthews said the decision should be a deterrent to try to stop school shootings in the future. She pointed to James and Jennifer Crumbley's lack of action, saying, “These convictions confirm repeated acts or lack of acts that could have halted an oncoming runaway train."

Crumbley case sets a precedent on who can be held accountable for a mass shooting

From CNN's Celina Tebor

The historic trials, and stunning verdicts, of James and Jennifer Crumbley  tested the limits of who can be held responsible for a mass shooting.

The prosecution of both parents, and an uptick in other criminal prosecutions and civil lawsuits tied to mass shootings, indicates attorneys are increasingly seeking to hold responsible people — and companies — who didn’t pull the trigger .

Prosecutors over the past few years have been slowly, but steadily, expanding the notion of who can be held accountable for a mass shooting, CNN senior legal analyst Elie Honig, a former federal and state prosecutor, said last month.

While he cautioned each case rests on its own merits, "we’ve seen groundbreaking prosecutions of parents and security personnel," he said, "and I’d expect that trend to continue."

The question remains whether prosecution of non-shooters will be effective in reducing the number of mass shootings in the United States. But undoubtedly, it has expanded prosecutors’ tool boxes, according to Ekow Yankah, law professor at the University of Michigan.

“It gives different prosecutors something to aim at – it gives them a new theory, it gives them something to try,” he told CNN. “It gives prosecutors who are frustrated, are facing a devastating crime, a mass shooting that’s hurt their community, some set of actions that they can take.”

Read about some other high-profile prosecutions of non-shooters in recent years.

Prosecutor says she is disappointed James and Jennifer Crumbley did not express remorse

From CNN’s Nicki Brown 

The lead prosecutor in James and Jennifer Crumbley's criminal trials said it was "disappointing" that the parents didn't express remorse.

"Feeling bad is natural, and we don't dispute that they feel bad ... that's not what's important to victims of crime," Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald said to reporters after the Crumbleys' sentencing Tuesday. "What they want and need most of all is remorse, which means acknowledgment of the wrongdoing and some sort of reconciliation or apology for that — and that didn't come."

The prosecutor said she didn't think that the case would set a precedent for parents of other school shooters.

"There's a difference between precedent-setting and rare, and this is really a rare set of facts, it really is," McDonald said. 

"Most of us know that you have to exercise reasonable care at least to prevent other people from the dangers that you know are foreseeable," she added.

She said her team did the "absolute best" they could, and the victim's families know that.

"It's really hard ... to remark about how hard we work and how hard it's been when you're looking in the eyes of these parents every day, who get up in unbelievable pain and grief and see this play out every day and they still go on," she said. "And so, my focus is there."

James and Jennifer Crumbley each sentenced to 10 to 15 years in prison

James and Jennifer Crumbley, the parents of the teenager who killed four students in a 2021 school shooting in Oxford, Michigan, were each sentenced Tuesday to 10 to 15 years in prison, respectively, weeks after they were convicted of manslaughter.

They will receive credit for 858 days already served.

Sentence for Crumbleys should be a deterrent, judge says

From CNN's Elise Hammond

The judge presiding over the sentencing of James and Jennifer Crumbley said the decision should be a deterrent to try to stop school shootings in the future.

"Opportunity knocked over and over again, louder and louder, and was ignored," Judge Cheryl Matthews said. "No one answered and these two people should have and sure didn’t."

She said she is "aware of my job in this situation” and promised not to be “swayed by public opinion” when handing down the sentencing decision.

Talking to the families in the courtroom, Matthews said she could never understand the pain they are experiencing, but reassured them, “I saw what you saw and I heard what you heard” during the trials.

Prosecutor urges judge to consider the "devastating impact" of the Crumbleys' "gross negligence"

From CNN's Nicki Brown

Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald urged Judge Cheryl Matthews to exceed the sentencing guidelines for James and Jennifer Crumbley, asking the judge to consider the "devastating impact of their gross negligence that was foreseeable."

"I want to be clear, remorse does not sound like, 'I feel really bad.' I'm sure they do. I don't dispute they feel bad, I don't dispute they have grief. That's not the kind of remorse and accountability these victims are looking for," McDonald said in court Tuesday.

She continued, addressing the judge:

"When fashioning a sentence, it is absolutely critical that you listen and consider the impact of what that gross negligence caused. So we're asking you to exceed the guidelines because I believe all of the factors pursuant to the case law, with the necessary consideration of the impact of these crimes, justifies you to do. We're asking you, the people are asking you, to consider the devastating impact of their gross negligence that was foreseeable."

James Crumbley apologizes to the families of his son's victims

From CNN's Antoinette Radford

James Crumbley, the father of Michigan school shooter Ethan Crumbley, addressed the courtroom, opening his statement by apologizing to the victims, something he said he had not been able to do yet.

"I want to say I can't imagine the pain and agony ... for the families that have lost their children and what they are experiencing and what they are going through. As a parent, our biggest fear is losing our child or our children, and to lose a child is unimaginable. My heart is really broken for everybody involved," he said.

"I really want the families of Madisyn Baldwin, Hana St Juliana, Tate Myre and Justin Shilling to know how truly sorry I am, and how devastated I was when I heard what happened to them," Crumbley said.

Crumbley added that he was not aware his son was planning a school shooting, and he asked Judge Cheryl Matthews to "sentence me in a fair way."

Jennifer Crumbley says previous statement made in court was misinterpreted

From CNN's Maureen Chowdhury

Jennifer Crumbley began her statement to the court by expressing her condolences to the victims and their families.

"I sit here today to express my deepest sorrows for the families of Hana, Tate, Madisyn, Justin and to all those affected on November 30, 2021," she said.

Crumbley said that a previous statement made on the stand was "completely misunderstood."

When she took the stand in her own defense during her trial in Februar y, she had said, “I’ve asked myself if I would have done anything differently, and I wouldn’t have.”

On Tuesday, Crumbley said that she did not foresee the actions of her son and therefore would not have done anything different, and that is how she interpreted the question.

"With the benefit of hindsight and information I have now, my answer would be drastically different," she said.

Crumbley added that if she knew her son was capable of the crimes committed, her answer would have "absolutely been different."

 Father of Hana St. Juliana says Crumbleys "choose to blame everyone but themselves"

James and Jennifer Crumbley continue to deflect blame, the father of a victim of the 2021 Oxford High School shooting said at the Crumbleys' sentencing Tuesday.

"The defendants, through their choices, through their indifference and gross negligence, enabled their son to murder my daughter Hana and three other children," Steve St. Juliana, the father of Hana St. Juliana, said in a victim impact statement Tuesday.

"They chose to stay quiet. They chose to ignore the warning signs. And now, as we've heard through all of the objections, they continue to choose to blame everyone but themselves," he said.

Steve St. Juliana said his daughter's death "destroyed a large portion of my very soul."

"I will never think back fondly on her high school and college graduations. I will never walk her down the aisle as she begins the journey of starting her own family. I am forever denied the chance to hold her or her future children in my arms," he added.

St. Juliana said his position on the Crumbleys' sentencing evolved throughout the trial as the defendants' "defiance" increased. "Hana, Madisyn, Tate, and Justin are the ones who have lost everything — not the defendants," he said before requesting the parents receive the maximum possible sentence.

Buck Myre, the father of victim Tate Myre, gave his impact statement following Steve St. Juliana. He was the last person to give an impact statement.

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Michigan school shooter’s parents sentenced to 10 to 15 years in prison for role in attack

Jennifer and James Crumbley first parents convicted in US mass school shooting over ‘simple actions’ that could have stopped it

The parents of a Michigan school shooter have each been sentenced to between 10 and 15 years in prison for their role in an attack that killed four students in 2021 in a case that has broken new ground as the US seeks to tackle its years-long epidemic of school shootings.

Jennifer and James Crumbley appeared in court on Tuesday as the first parents convicted in an American mass school shooting. During their trials prosecutors said “tragically simple actions” by both parents could have stopped the catastrophe.

The Crumbleys did not know their son, Ethan Crumbley, was planning the shooting at Oxford high school. But prosecutors said the parents failed to safely store a gun and could have prevented the shooting by removing the 15-year-old from school when confronted with a dark drawing by him that day.

Ethan, now 17, pleaded guilty and is serving a life prison sentence.

The couple had separate trials. Jurors heard how the teen had drawn a gun, a bullet and a gunshot victim on a math assignment, accompanied by grim phrases: “The thoughts won’t stop. Help me. My life is useless. Blood everywhere.”

Ethan told a counselor he was sad – a grandmother had died and his only friend suddenly had moved away. But he said the drawing only reflected his interest in creating video games.

The Crumbleys attended a meeting at the school that lasted less than 15 minutes. They did not mention that the gun resembled one James Crumbley, 47, had purchased just four days earlier – a Sig Sauer 9mm.

Ethan’s parents declined to take him home, choosing instead to return to work and accepting a list of mental health providers. School staff said Ethan could stay on campus. A counselor, Shawn Hopkins, said he believed it would be safer for the boy than possibly being alone at home.

No one, however, checked Ethan’s backpack. He pulled the gun out later that day and killed four students – Tate Myre, Hana St Juliana, Justin Shilling and Madisyn Baldwin – and wounded seven other people.

At the close of James Crumbley’s trial, the prosecutor Karen McDonald demonstrated how a cable lock, found in a package at home, could have secured the gun.

“Ten seconds,” she said, “of the easiest, simplest thing.”

Parents of students killed by Ethan Crumbley on Tuesday joined prosecutors in requesting that the school shooter’s parents get 10 years in prison.

“The blood of our children is on your hands, too,” said Justin Shilling’s father, Craig Shilling, while wearing a hoodie with the image of his son on his chest.

On the other hand, attorneys for Jennifer and James Crumbley sought mercy on behalf of their clients before Tuesday’s sentencing.

“Putting Mrs Crumbley in prison does nothing to further deter others from committing like offenses,” her attorney, Shannon Smith, said. Smith also argued that “any gross negligence” by Jennifer Crumbley were mistakes “that any parent could make”.

James Crumbley’s attorney, Mariell Lehman, said the nearly two and a half years that the couple had spent in jail unable to make $500,000 bond after their arrests should be enough punishment.

Lehman also said her client “did not believe that there was reason to be concerned that his son was a threat to anyone”.

The Associated Press contributed to this report

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Lawyer fatally shoots former daughter-in-law, fellow attorney at Las Vegas law firm

A lawyer fatally shot his former daughter-in-law, as well as a fellow attorney, during a deposition at a Las Vegas law firm Monday morning, two sources familiar with the investigation said.

The shooter opened fire at the Prince Law Group office in Summerlin during a deposition of his son, whom he had been representing, the sources said Monday afternoon.

The other lawyer was representing his own wife, who was the former daughter-in-law of the shooter and opposing counsel, the sources said.

The alleged gunman died after he turned the gun on himself, according to the sources. His son survived.

The sources characterized the shooting as targeted and domestic-related.

The incident occurred about 10 a.m. at the fifth-floor law office on West Charleston Boulevard near Pavilion Center Drive, Clark County Sheriff Kevin McMahill said at a news conference. Responding officers found the three people with gunshot wounds, police said Tuesday. They were pronounced dead at the scene by medical personnel. 

"The suspect was not killed by my police. We believe he took his own life," he said, adding that there was no further threat to the public.

The Clark County coroner's office on Tuesday identified the deceased people as Ashley Prince, 30; Dennis Prince, 57 and Joseph Houston, 77.

Ashley Prince and Dennis Prince died from multiple gunshot wounds, the coroner said, ruling each death was a homicide. Houston died by suicide, according to the coroner.

Robert Eglet told NBC News that the attorney who was slain was his former law partner and that they had known each other for 30 years. The pair “were close friends for a very, very long time," Eglet said.

“He was a very good guy. He was one of the finest trial lawyers in the state of Nevada. It’s tragic, and it’s senseless," he said.

Eglet said his friend specialized in medical malpractice cases.

There are businesses adjacent to the law office where the shooting occurred, McMahill said. First responders evacuated the building and followed an active-shooter protocol, officials said. Hundreds of people were evacuated, police said.

The suspect's vehicle was being investigated, McMahill said, adding that police were trying to shore up a motive.

"We have a theory at this point, but I cannot release any of that information until we've confirmed that information," he said.

A law office on the fifth floor did not answer a call seeking comment Monday afternoon. Police said they were using nearby Red Rock Casino as an assistance center.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or chat live at  988lifeline.org . You can also visit  SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources  for additional support.

Andrew Blankstein is an investigative reporter for NBC News. He covers the Western U.S., specializing in crime, courts and homeland security. 

Antonio Planas is a breaking news reporter for NBC News Digital.