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Harvard law personal statement: how to write + example.

Reviewed by:

David Merson

Former Head of Pre-Law Office, Northeastern University, & Admissions Officer, Brown University

Reviewed: 03/03/23

‍ If you’re applying to Harvard Law School, it’s essential to write an impactful personal statement. Read on to learn how to write a Harvard law personal statement that sets you apart from the crowd. 

The Harvard Law personal statement is an important part of the application process. It provides an opportunity for you to showcase your unique qualities and experiences to the admissions committee. You can communicate your motivations, passions, and goals for pursuing a legal education at Harvard Law School through the personal statement.

To have a good chance of getting into Harvard Law , you need to stand out from the thousands of other applicants. By presenting a compelling personal statement, you can make a positive impression on the admissions committee and increase your chances of admission.

Keep reading to learn how to write a personal statement that distinguishes you from other applicants and demonstrates your fit with Harvard Law School's values and culture. 

This guide will cover the requirements and tips you need to know to write a well-crafted Harvard Law personal statement. We’ll also go over a successful Harvard Law personal statement example and why it works!

Harvard Law School Personal Statement Requirements

To write a successful personal statement that demonstrates your value as an applicant, you need to ensure you stick to the requirements. The admissions committee is looking for applicants who show they care about the application process and pay attention to detail. 

Not adhering to the requirements could suggest a lack of attention to detail and negatively impact your chances of being admitted. Following the requirements ensures that your personal statement is well-organized and focused so that you can effectively communicate your message to the admissions committee.

Here are the requirements for the Harvard law personal statement:

Length: Your personal statement must be no more than two pages in length, double-spaced, with a font size no smaller than 11-point, and one-inch margins. 

Content: It should provide insight into who you are as a person and as a potential law student. Use this space to tell a story that illustrates your strengths, passions, and goals. You can also discuss any challenges you’ve overcome or experiences that have shaped your unique perspective.

Format: Your personal statement should be saved as a PDF and uploaded to the application portal . Your name and LSAC account number should be included on each page of the personal statement.

Additional Information: In addition to the personal statement, you may also choose to submit a supplementary statement about any factors that may have affected your academic performance or a diversity statement that describes your unique perspective and experiences. 

Paying attention to these requirements is key, as failing to do so can result in an incomplete or disqualified application. Adhering to the guidelines and word count ensures that your personal statement is concise and tailored to the expectations of the admissions committee. 

It's also important to note that while the personal statement is a crucial component of your application, it's not the only factor that Harvard Law School considers. Your academic record, test scores, letters of recommendation, and other factors will also be evaluated.

Crafting a Winning Personal Statement for Harvard Law School

Harvard Law is one of the most prestigious law schools in the world. So, it’s important to make sure every element of your application is top-notch. A well-written personal statement can make you a memorable candidate and increase your chances of getting in. 

To put your best foot forward, it’s helpful to learn what’s worked for other applicants. So, refer to this guide when you need to brush up on the Harvard Law personal statement requirements or need a bit of inspiration. It’s been designed to help you write a personal statement you can be proud of. Let’s get started. 

Start by Brainstorming

Before you begin writing your personal statement, take some time to brainstorm your ideas. Consider your experiences, accomplishments, and goals, and think about how they relate to your desire to attend Harvard Law School.

Brainstorming helps generate ideas, clarify thoughts, and identify key themes or concepts. It’s a process of free-flowing, non-judgmental thinking that allows for creative exploration and problem-solving. It can help you organize and prioritize ideas and content. 

By brainstorming, you can uncover unique and compelling aspects of your experiences or qualifications that might have gone unnoticed. It also provides a foundation for the writing process and can help to streamline and focus your message. Overall, brainstorming can bring a lot of value to a Harvard Law personal statement.

Develop a Thesis Statement

Once you have a sense of the main ideas you want to convey in your personal statement, develop a thesis statement that encapsulates your main message. This should be a single sentence that highlights the central theme of your personal statement.

A strong thesis statement is essential for your personal statement because it serves as the central message or argument that you’re trying to convey in your writing. It should be concise and clear, and highlight the main theme you want to communicate to the admissions committee.

A thesis statement helps to focus your personal statement and gives it a clear sense of direction. It also helps to ensure that your writing is coherent and organized, which is important for making a strong impression on the admissions committee.

In addition, your thesis statement can help you to stand out from other applicants. It allows you to demonstrate your unique perspective and approach to the law and helps to highlight what makes you a strong candidate for Harvard Law School.

Overall, having a well-thought-out thesis statement provides a sense of direction throughout your personal statement, helps to make your writing more focused and organized, and allows you to communicate your unique perspective and strengths as a law school candidate.

Tell a Story

Rather than simply listing your accomplishments, use your personal statement to tell a story that illustrates your strengths, passions, and goals. Use specific examples and anecdotes to bring your story to life.

Storytelling can have a powerful impact on a personal statement for Harvard Law School. By telling your story, you can help the admissions committee get a better sense of who you are as a person and as a potential law student.

When done effectively, storytelling can help your personal statement stand out from the thousands of other applications that the admissions committee receives each year. It can make it more memorable, engaging, and can help create an emotional connection with the reader.

Storytelling can also help demonstrate skills and qualities that law schools are looking for, such as critical thinking, problem-solving, and effective communication. Using examples from your experiences to illustrate these skills, you can show the admissions committee why you would be a valuable addition to their community.

Storytelling can be a powerful tool in a personal statement for Harvard Law School. By using concrete examples and narratives to illustrate your strengths and goals, you can create a compelling case for why you would be a strong candidate for admission. 

Show, Don't Tell

Instead of simply stating that you're a hard worker or a great leader, demonstrate these qualities through specific examples and anecdotes. Use descriptive language and imagery to paint a picture of who you are and what you've accomplished.

Showing qualities through the lens of your experiences makes your writing more engaging and memorable. Using specific examples to illustrate your qualities and achievements will ultimately make your Harvard Law personal statement more impactful.

Keep It Brief and On Point.

Remember that your personal statement should be no more than two pages long, so stick to your point. Remember that the admissions committee receives thousands of applications each year, and they typically have a limited amount of time to review each one. 

Ensure that your personal statement is clear and easy to read by using simple language and staying focused on your main thesis. You want to write just enough to make a strong case for why you are a strong candidate for admission to Harvard Law School. 

By focusing on your most important experiences and qualities and avoiding unnecessary tangents, you can demonstrate your value as a potential law school student and make a compelling argument for why you should be admitted.

Edit and Revise

Once you've written a draft of your personal statement, take some time to edit and revise it. Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling, and make sure your writing is clear and concise. Ask someone else to read your personal statement and provide feedback. 

A well-written and error-free personal statement can make a positive impression on the admissions committee, while a poorly edited statement can detract from your qualifications. 

Editing allows you to refine your message, eliminate errors and inconsistencies, and ensure your personal statement is crystal clear. Careful editing helps to demonstrate attention to detail and professionalism, qualities that are highly valued in the legal profession.

Pay Attention to Formatting

Finally, be sure to follow the formatting requirements for the Harvard Law School personal statement. Save your personal statement as a PDF and include your name and LSAC account number on each page.

A well-formatted statement is not only aesthetically pleasing but also shows that you took it seriously. It can make the statement more readable and easier to navigate for the admissions committee. A well-organized statement can also help to structure your thoughts and ensure that you’re effectively conveying your message.

By following these steps and putting in the time and effort to write a strong personal statement, you can increase your chances of being admitted to one of the most prestigious law schools in the world.

What to Avoid in a Harvard Law Personal Statement

When writing a personal statement for Harvard Law School, it's important to know what to avoid. Read on to learn everything you need to know.

Avoid using clichéd phrases or overused quotes in your personal statement. The admissions committee reads a ton of personal statements every year, so it's important to try to make a unique impression.

Clichés can often be vague and lack specificity, which can make it difficult for the committee to understand your message and qualifications. By avoiding cliches, you can demonstrate your individual perspective and voice. Remember, there’s only one you .

Rambling or Tangential Writing

Your personal statement should be focused and concise, with a clear thesis statement and supporting examples. 

Rambling or going off-topic can detract from the overall impact of your personal statement. It can suggest a lack of organizational skills and attention to detail, qualities highly valued in the legal profession.

To avoid rambling when writing, it is important to stay focused on the topic at hand and stick to a clear structure. Start by outlining the main points that you want to make and the supporting evidence or examples that you’ll use to illustrate those points. Use concise language and avoid unnecessary tangents or repetition.

It’s also helpful to read through your writing regularly and ask yourself if each sentence and paragraph is contributing to the overall message you are trying to convey. Finally, consider having someone else review your work to provide feedback and help identify any areas where you may be straying off topic.

While it's essential to showcase your strengths and accomplishments, avoid coming across as cocky or entitled in your personal statement. Instead, focus on demonstrating your passion for law and your commitment to making a positive impact in the legal field.

Admissions committees are looking for candidates who are not only academically qualified but who also possess the emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills necessary for success in the legal profession. 

By being humble, you show your capacity for growth, willingness to learn from others, and commitment to serving the greater good. 

Avoid focusing on experiences that paint you in a negative light. Instead, pay attention to the positive lessons you've learned and how you've grown and developed as a person and as a potential law student.

Being negative may raise concerns about your ability to work collaboratively with others. Highlighting negative events or attitudes can take away from the overall message of your personal statement, which is an opportunity for you to promote your talents, experiences, and qualifications. 

The legal profession requires the ability to work effectively with others and to maintain a positive and professional demeanor even in challenging situations. By maintaining a positive tone, you can demonstrate your resilience, adaptability, and ability to work effectively in a team-oriented environment.

It should go without saying, but be sure to avoid any form of plagiarism in your personal statement. This includes copying and pasting from other sources, using quotes without attribution, or hiring someone to write your personal statement for you.

Presenting someone else's work or ideas as your own is a form of academic dishonesty. Your personal statement is meant to express your unique background, experiences, and qualifications, and plagiarism undermines its authenticity.

Additionally, plagiarism is a violation of Harvard Law School's code of conduct and can result in serious consequences, including rejection of your application or even revocation of an already awarded admission. 

By submitting an original and authentic personal statement, you can demonstrate your honesty, integrity, and professionalism, qualities that are highly valued in the legal profession.

By avoiding these pitfalls and focusing on crafting a unique personal statement, you can increase your chances of being admitted to Harvard Law School. Remember, the personal statement is an important opportunity to show who you truly are and why you're a strong candidate, so take the time to do it right.

Harvard Law Personal Statement Example

It can help to read a Harvard law personal statement example to get a good understanding of what the admissions committee is looking for. Reading through successful examples can provide insight into what constitutes a strong Harvard law personal statement.

The following personal statement , written by Dasha Wise, is an example of a successful Harvard Law School application essay.  

"The large room was beginning to feel like a cramped interrogation chamber as we stood anxiously awaiting the next set of difficult questions. We did not have to wait long. Why were there discrepancies in our numbers? Wasn’t the retreat expense unnecessarily large? Not to mention that the submitted documents were not only late but incomplete! 

I could not help but steal a glance at the out-going treasurer standing next to me—as a newly elected executive board treasurer for Community Impact (CI), Columbia’s largest service organization, I had been invited to accompany her to CI’s annual presentation to request funding from the student councils. 

There was no doubt that she had stayed up most of the night completing this presentation, attempting to patch up holes in the financial records. 

I could not blame her for the mistakes—everyone at CI was overworked and stretched well beyond their capacity, too busy keeping up with the activities of each day to step back and tackle the organization’s underlying problems.

As she became visibly more flustered, I knew that I needed to assume responsibility for the remainder of the presentation. Standing there in defense of the organization that I had come to love, I managed to remain calm, elding critical questions to the best of my ability while swallowing the all-too-well-founded criticism along with my pride. 

As the presentation came to a close, I began to understand the systematic change that was necessary and that I would be responsible for making this change a reality.

I began immediately that summer. 

Learning as much as possible about the current system and its laws enabled me to discover that CI’s largest impediments were operational inefficiency and improper communication, the combination of which was contributing to internal frustration, ineffective resource management, and a tainted reputation. 

To establish both scale accuracy and efficiency, I reconstructed treasury procedures and devised an automated budget-tracking and request-processing mechanism that would be administered through CI’s online platform. 

Working closely with our webmaster, I designed a treasury section for CI’s website that would enable coordinators to request funding, monitor their budgets, and access key forms as well as the instructional manuals that I had written over the summer. 

To reposition CI’s public image, I insisted on transparency, persuading the staff of its importance and holding a board meeting to update important documents such as our constitution and spending guidelines. Reacting CI’s core principles and procedures, they would now be publicly displayed on our website.

In pushing for large-scale change, I knew in advance that over-seeing the process would be no easy task and that I would need to hold numerous trainings, respond immediately to student inquiries, and continue to work throughout the year to make further corrections based on feedback and my own observations. 

All this I was prepared for, and with input from my peers and CI’s staff along the way, I arrived at a product that would provide the CI treasury with structural support for years to come. 

CI’s records were accurate, and we were able to cut costs, monitor our spending, and receive approval from our volunteers, for whom the elusive red tape had now given way to simplicity and predictability. 

A system that responded to the needs of students, board members, and staff alike eliminated needless frustration, established procedural efficiency, and improved both internal and external communication. 

‍ When I found myself in front of the student councils exactly one year later, I was not met with the same mistrust and quizzical expressions. 

Our presentation, whose supporting documents had this time been submitted well in advance and verified multiple times, resulted in open gratitude for the effort that we had put in to establish scale accuracy and procedural transparency and to maintain open communication with the councils, informing them of the changes that we were making in light of their concerns. 

Unlike the previous year’s penalty and subsequent funding shortage, this time we received precisely what we requested. Yet perhaps most importantly, we received respect, not only from our own coordinators, volunteers, and other constituents but from the university as a whole. 

Although I had encountered numerous difficulties throughout my life, what I had decided to tackle at CI last year was my most significant challenge yet—not merely for the amount of effort that it required, but for the fact that my decisions now affected whether directly or indirectly, hundreds of others, from CI’s staff and student executives to our nine hundred volunteers and the nine thousand individuals that they served. 

In some quantifiable sense, this was my biggest accomplishment, the most rewarding, and among the most memorable, but it was not the first and it will not be the last. I would not have it any other way. 

To survive difficulties is one thing, but to excel in spite of them is another. Overcoming the most seemingly insurmountable yet worthy challenges is, for me, the primary means of obtaining respect from the one person that truly matters and is, at the same time, the most difficult to please— myself. 

Why this essay works: This Harvard law personal statement example checks every box. It’s personal, concise, impactful, and clearly communicates the qualities that would make Dasha an excellent lawyer. If it helps to get the creative juices flowing, reading sample personal statements can be a great source of inspiration for your writing.

FAQs: Harvard Law School Personal Statement

The Harvard Law personal statement is an important part of your law school application and needs to be carefully thought out. It makes sense to have questions, so keep reading to learn more about the Harvard law personal statement. 

1. How Long Should My Personal Statement Be for Harvard Law?

The length of your personal statement for Harvard Law School should be no more than two pages, double-spaced. Harvard recommends that applicants aim for a length of 750 to 1,500 words, which should provide enough space to effectively communicate your message while still remaining concise and focused.

2. How Important Is the Harvard Law School Personal Statement?

The Harvard law personal statement is a crucial component of the law school application and is given significant weight in the admissions decision-making process. 

The personal statement allows applicants to showcase their unique experiences, qualifications, and motivations for pursuing a legal education and to demonstrate their fit with Harvard Law School's values and culture. 

A well-written personal statement can make a positive impression on the admissions committee and increase an applicant's chances of being admitted to this highly selective law school.

3. What Should I Include in My Personal Statement for Harvard Law?

In your personal statement for Harvard Law, you should include information about your background, experiences, and achievements, as well as your motivations for pursuing a legal education. You should also highlight your skills and abilities relevant to the legal profession, such as critical thinking, problem-solving, and communication skills. 

Additionally, you may want to discuss any challenges or obstacles you’ve overcome and how these experiences have shaped your goals and aspirations. Finally, it is important to showcase your fit with Harvard Law School's values and culture and to explain why you are a strong candidate for admission.

Final Thoughts

Hopefully, you now have a good understanding of how to write a solid Harvard law personal statement. Remember to stay true to your voice and experiences, be authentic and sincere, and take the time to edit and revise your statement to ensure it’s polished and professional. 

By following the tips and guidelines outlined in this blog and reviewing the Harvard Law personal statement example provided, you can craft a compelling personal statement that stands out to the admissions committee and increases your chances of being admitted to Harvard Law School. 

Once you’ve written a strong personal statement, you can focus on the next steps, such as collecting letters of recommendation , prepping for a possible Harvard Law interview , or brushing up on legal terms . Good luck on your application journey!

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The grades during which you have participated are important because they help us to understand the depth of your involvement in that activity and your changing interests over time. Not all extracurricular activities must be a four-year commitment for our applicants.

Approximate Time Spent

We are interested to know how you manage your time and to understand how you balance your life outside of the classroom. Some students dedicate their time to one or two activities, while others spread their time among many.

When did you participate

We know that students are often active both during the school year and the summer – working, babysitting siblings, enrolling in courses, traveling, playing sports, holding internships, etc. Distinguishing school-year activities from summer activities helps us understand how you have spent your time and taken advantage of opportunities available to you.

Plans to participate in college?

Harvard is a residential institution, and our students are actively engaged in college life. This section helps us to understand how you might contribute at Harvard. Some students who were involved in several activities during high school choose to narrow their focus in college and/or to try new activities not previously available.

What if there's not enough space?

Filling out the grid is an act of prioritization: your responses tell us what activities or work experiences are most meaningful to you. And there’s quite a bit of space there, too; almost everyone should be able to convey the breadth and depth of out-of-class commitments on the application. Conversely, please do not feel a need to fill every line!

The first section is the personal essay. Harvard requires the submission of the personal essay with your application. We also offer an opportunity to add any additional information.

Personal Essay

The Common Application essay topics are broad. Please note that Coalition essay questions may differ. While this might seem daunting at first, look at it as an opportunity to write about something you care about, rather than what you think the Admissions Committee wants to hear. The point of the personal statement is for you to have the chance to share whatever you would like with us. Remember, your topic does not have to be exotic to be compelling.

Essay topics include:

• Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
• The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
• Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
• Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 
• Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
• Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
• Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Additional Information

Do not feel obligated to fill this space, but some students have used this opportunity to tell us about challenging circumstances in their lives such as illness or other difficulties that may have affected their grades. Any information that can tell us more about the person behind the test scores and grades can be helpful.

Harvard Questions

Each college or university that is a member of the Common Application and/or the Coalition Application - Powered by Scoir has an opportunity to ask applicants a series of school-specific questions separate from the common part of the application. The Harvard supplement contains a series of questions that help us learn more about your academic, extracurricular, and personal interests. You application is not considered complete until you submit the supplement. 

General: Applying for Financial Aid

Harvard has a need-blind admissions process and applying for aid is never detrimental to your admissions decision. We ask this question because we want to be able to calculate your financial need in advance of our April notification date so that we can send your admission letter and financial aid offer at the same time. One thing to note – not all institutions have such policies.

General: Submitting Supplementary Materials

Supplementary materials (art slides, music recordings, research papers, etc.) help when they reveal unusual talent. You absolutely do not have to include anything supplementary to gain acceptance to Harvard, and the vast majority of admitted students do not submit supplementary materials with their applications. You can submit art and media files through Slideroom  and any documents or articles directly in the Applicant Portal with an uploader tool.

Academics: Fields of Study

When you select from the full list of Harvard's academic concentrations, you give us a sense of the direction you may choose when it comes time for you to choose a concentration at Harvard in your sophomore year.

While we realize that this question is quite similar to the one asked on the Common Application, our own format allows us to fit this information into data fields that Harvard has been collecting for many years. While we know students might well change their minds once they are in college, it is helpful for us to get a sense of their current interests and those academic areas in which they have already spent time and effort.

We do not admit students into specific academic programs, and we have no quotas or targets for academic fields.

Academics: Future Plans

As a liberal arts institution with fifty academic concentrations and more than 450 extracurricular organizations, we expect and encourage our students to explore new opportunities. We understand that as you answer these questions, you may not be entirely sure of your plans, but this information helps us to understand how you might use Harvard.

One of the principal ways students meet and educate each other during college is through extracurricular activities. Your answer to this question gives us a better sense of the interests you might bring to college and how definite your academic, vocational, extracurricular or athletic interests might be. This information helps us understand better how you might use Harvard. Of course, one of the best things about a liberal arts education is that plans may change. There is no “right” answer to these questions.

If you have applied to Harvard before, we want to include your previous application with your current one. We also want to have a record of any other involvement at Harvard you may have had, including the Summer School and the Extension School and associated transcripts. This information adds to the context of your present application. It can be helpful for us to note changes in your application—perhaps areas where you have strengthened the academic and/or extracurricular aspects of your candidacy.

Writing Supplement

The supplement includes five required short-answer questions, each with a 200 word limit. We want to ensure that every student has the same opportunity to reflect on and share how their life experiences and academic and extracurricular activities shaped them, how they will engage with others at Harvard, and their aspirations for the future. Our continued focus is on considering the whole student in the admissions process and how they have interacted with the world.

Required Short Answer Questions

Each question has a 200 word limit. 

• Harvard has long recognized the importance of enrolling a diverse student body. How will the life experiences that shape who you are today enable you to contribute to Harvard?
• Briefly describe an intellectual experience that was important to you. 
• Briefly describe any of your extracurricular activities, employment experience, travel, or family responsibilities that have shaped who you are.
• How do you hope to use your Harvard education in the future?
• Top 3 things your roommates might like to know about you. 

Related Guides

Here you'll find information on tracking your application and interviews.

Financial Aid Fact Sheet

Get the facts about Harvard College's revolutionary financial aid program.

Guide to Preparing for College

Find information about selecting high school courses that best prepare you for liberal arts colleges with high academic demographic such as Harvard.

10 Successful Harvard Application Essays | 2022

With the top applicants from every high school applying to the best schools in the country, it's important to have an edge in your college application. Check out our updated list of 10 Harvard application essays below from students who made it in, and hear from expert college consultants about what made these work.

Sophia's Essay

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Successful Harvard Essay - “Black Eyeliner Does Not Make You a Nonconformist”

Several years ago, my mother told me I listen to “white people music.” And I suppose that’s true—rock 'n' roll tends to spring from the middle-class basements of young, white men. Though I did point out that its origins trace back to jazz musicians of the Harlem Renaissance. Also that one of the greatest guitarists of all time—dear Mr.Hendrix; may he rest in peace—was black.

My devotion to punk rock began in seventh grade, when Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” came up on my iTunes shuffle. I started to look into their other releases, eventually immersing myself into the complete punk discography. My mother, having grown up in a racially segregated New York, was more likely to listen to Stevie Wonder than Stevie Nicks.

But, she must have figured, to each her own. So while my compatriots indulged in the music of Taylor Swift, One Direction, and Lady Gaga, my tacky Hot Topic headphones blasted Green Day, Ramones, and The Clash. My young adolescent ears drank in the raw, chaotic beauty, an echo of the pain of the past. The thrashing, pulsating vitality of the instruments painted a picture, connecting me to the disillusioned kids who launched an epic movement of liberation some 40 years ago.

Punkers question authority. Aggressively contrarian, they advocate for the other side—the side that seemed smothered silent during the post-Vietnam era. They rejected the established norms. They spoke out and weren’t afraid.

I had always felt different from my peers. In my girls’s prep school, the goal was to be blond and good at soccer. I was neither, which automatically deemed me “uncool”. I had a few close friends but never felt like I was part of a whole.

Then came the punk philosophy, for the outliers, for those who were different. That was something I could be part of.

Instead of trying to conform to my peers, I adopted an anti-conformist attitude. Much like the prematurely gray anti-hero of my favorite book, I sneered at all the “phonies” around me. I resented anything popular. Uggs? Wouldn’t buy them. Yoga pants? Never. Starbucks?Well, I could make a few concessions.

But I felt more cynical than liberated. I wasted so much energy on being different than I lost track of what actually made me happy. I insisted I didn’t care what people thought of me, which was true. Yet if I based my actions almost solely on their behavior, how could I deny their influence?

Luckily, as I transitioned from a private school to a brand new public high school, I got to clean the slate. I bought yoga pants and found they were comfortable. I listened to a wide variety of music, even the eh kind that wasn’t 100% hardcore punk. And I was happier.

I revised my punk philosophy: Do as you like—whether it fits into the “system” or not.

The Beatles’s “Revolution” lyrics sum it up well:

You tell me it’s the institution

Well, you know

You’d better free your mind instead

What I think Lennon was getting at is questioning everything does not entail opposing everything.

What I think Lennon was getting at is questioning everything does not entail opposing everything. Defiance for the sake of defiance is unproductive at best, destructive at worst. I believe in life’s greater Truths, like Love and Justice. These Truths are what should govern my actions—not what’s popular and what isn’t. Striving to act on these ideals has helped me stay true to myself, regardless of what’s considered “conformist."

Perhaps I’ve failed the punk movement. We’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I’ll do what makes me happy and change what doesn’t. I’ll wear Doc Martens instead of Uggs; I’ll partake in a grande pumpkin spice latte; I’ll watch Gossip Girl; I’ll blare my favorite guitar solo over the speakers in my room.

And that’s as punk as it gets.

Professional Review by The Art of Applying

From the snarky title and fiery opening, I was immediately drawn in. I and many people on our team at The Art of Applying® grew up as one of the few students of color in our honors classes, being told we liked “white people things.”

When you write about very specific personal experiences you’ve had, you can strike an emotional chord and connection with people who have similar experiences, and you can simultaneously intrigue people who have had vastly different experiences.

The student’s response to her mother’s assertion and the level of knowledge the student demonstrates about punk rock’s origins and political context show that she doesn’t just enjoy punk music passively as a fan; she was curious enough to research and learn about its historical roots, and confident enough to offer a contradictory viewpoint about what punk music is and who it is and isn’t for.

I enjoyed reading the journey of how the student’s interest in punk rock blossomed from an interest into a passion and eventually an identity. Don’t just tell us the beginning and the end of a personal growth journey; show us the messy middle too.

The student concisely depicts a vivid image of her outsider status in her private school without villainizing the other students. She also uses humor and wordplay well when she makes a concession for enjoying Starbucks.

A turning point in the essay comes when the student starts questioning whether her staunchly nonconformist identity is serving her. This shows an even deeper level of self reflection and personal growth.

While including quotes and lyrics in your essay can divert attention from your own words to a famous person’s, the student effectively uses the lyrics as a launching point for further reflection.

It ends in the same confident, energetic voice I grew to love throughout the piece, and the final sentences read like a glorious mic drop.

The conclusion is strong in that we see a person who has embraced all sides of herself rather than stubbornly clinging to a rigid image of nonconformity.

This essay is an excellent example to learn from if you want to write about how one of your passions spurred personal growth, struggles with fitting in, changing your mind about who you are, and/or getting clear on your values.

Taras' Essay

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Successful Harvard Essay: More Boluses to Dissect

Finally, I had found a volunteer opportunity at the Long Marine Lab, a marine biology research facility at UC Santa Cruz! I envisioned swimming with dolphins, or perhaps studying behavioral patterns of decorator crabs. But when I discovered the nature of my work on the first day of volunteering, my excitement turned to disappointment: I’d be picking through albatross boluses, the indigestible materials they cough up before going to sea. Sure enough, after three hours of separating fishing line from brown muck, I began to dread what I was in for. At that point, I had no clue of just how interesting the opportunity would turn out to be, and it would remind me of how easily I become engrossed and fascinated by all sorts of random stuff.

It didn't take long for my boredom with the boluses to shift toward curiosity.

It didn’t take long for my boredom with the boluses to shift toward curiosity. In the first place, the project itself was fascinating. The idea was to research the behavior and diet of albatrosses at sea. These birds can fly for months without touching land! When the birds have chicks, they cough up whatever they’ve eaten at sea to feed their young. When the chicks become old enough to fly, they cough up the hard, indigestible materials left in their stomachs. These boluses contain squid beaks that can reveal the types of squid eaten and the area where the squid were caught. We volunteers would pick through the boluses, separating out anything that looked interesting.

As I got better at dissecting these blobs, I started finding crazy stuff, and my colleagues and I would often discuss important findings. There was, of course, the search for the biggest squid beak, and the fish eyes were always interesting. But most shocking was the plastic. Beyond the normal Styrofoam and fishing line were plastic bottle caps, lighters, even toothbrushes. Occasionally, Asian writing revealed distant origins. Once, I picked through a bolus permeated with orange goo, eventually to discover the round mouthpiece of a balloon. The origins of these artifacts were sad, but also fascinating. I learned of the Texas-sized trash heap in the middle of the Pacific, the effects of which I was witnessing firsthand. I gained a heightened awareness of the damage inflicted on the oceans by humans, and their far-reaching impacts. Perhaps most importantly, I realized that even the most tedious things can blow my mind.

If dissecting boluses can be so interesting, imagine the things I’ve yet to discover! I play piano and can see myself dedicating my life to the instrument, but I can’t bear to think of everything else I’d have to miss. I’d love to study albatrosses, but also particle physics or history, and preferably all three. At this point in my life, I can’t imagine picking just one area. At the same time, though, I love studying subjects in depth. I tend to get overwhelmed by my options, since I can’t possibly choose them all. But at least I know I’ll never be bored in life: there are just too many subjects to learn about, books to read, pieces to play, albatrosses to save, and boluses to dissect.

Professional Review by Prep Expert (Akbar Rahel)

While many applicants write essays full of detail and superlatives, emotional honesty is a critical component of a great essay.

What immediately distinguishes the first paragraph of the essay is the emotional honesty: Taras admits how “excitement turned to disappointment” and how he “had no clue” about how the opportunity would turn out. Too often, applicants fail to recognize that admissions officers are just normal people reading essays—people who also experience a range of emotions such as disappointment and confusion. While many applicants write essays full of detail and superlatives, emotional honesty is a critical component of a great essay.

Moreover, on a simple, albeit important level, he situates readers in the very first sentence by mentioning that his research was a volunteer opportunity at Long Marine Lab. Too many applicants attempt to keep a reader in suspense when, in fact, it is always better to provide context for an experience. Admissions officers don’t want to feel like they are deciphering the seemingly mundane who, what, when, and where. Nobody has time to untangle an essay.

Moving on, Taras succeeds in clearly demonstrating a sincere passion for his research by sharing interesting details of his work, such as understanding boluses. Whether writing about birds, Model UN, or any other possible topic, details are what help applicants show the admissions committees a level of intellectual vitality.

While an overall vibrant essay that captures a reader’s attention because of the unique topic, some aspects could have been improved. For example, exclamation points may come across as contrived enthusiasm to many readers—and strip away some of the decorum of an essay. Moreover, in the last paragraph, Taras mentions particle physics and history as possible interests, which did not align with the essay (and could have hurt chances for admissions in the final “shaping” of an incoming class).

Yukta's Essay

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Successful Harvard Essay: Yukta

Garishly lined with a pearlescent lavender, my eyes idly scanned the haphazard desk in front of me, settling on a small kohl. I packed the ebony powder into my waterline with a shaky hand, wincing at the fine specks making their way into my eyes.

The palette's colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes.

The girl in the mirror seemed sharper, older, somehow. At only 12, I was relatively new to the powders and blushes that lined my birthday makeup kit, but I was determined to decipher the deep splashes of color that had for so long been an enigma to me.

After school involved self-inflicted solitary confinement, as I shut myself in my bedroom to hone my skills. The palette’s colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes. Much to my chagrin, my mom walked in one day, amused at my smudged lipstick, which congealed on the wispy hairs that lined my upper lip.

“Halloween already?” she asked playfully.

I flushed in embarrassment as she got to work, smoothing my skin with a brush and filling the gaps in my squiggly liner. Becoming a makeup aficionado was going to take some help.

“What’s this even made of?” I asked, transfixed by the bright powder she was smattering on my cheeks.

“You know, I’m not sure,” she murmured. “Maybe you should find out.”

Hours down the internet rabbit hole, I learned that the shimmery powder was made of mica, a mineral commonly used in cosmetics. While the substance was dazzling, its production process was steeped in humanitarian violations and environmental damage. Determined to reconcile my burgeoning love for makeup with my core values, I flung the kit into the corner of my drawer, vowing to find a more sustainable alternative. Yes, I was every bit as dramatic as you imagine it.

Now 17, I approach ethical makeup with assured deliberation. As I glance at my dusty kit, which still sits where I left it, I harken back on the journey it has taken me on. Without the reckoning that it spurred, makeup would still simply be a tool of physical transformation, rather than a catalyst of personal growth.

Now, each swipe of eyeliner is a stroke of my pen across paper as I write a children’s book about conscious consumerism. My flitting fingers programmatically place sparkles, mattes, and tints across my face in the same way that they feverishly move across a keyboard, watching algorithms and graphs integrate into models of supply chain transparency. Makeup has taught me to be unflinching, both in self expression and my expectations for the future. I coat my lips with a bold sheen, preparing them to form words of unequivocal urgency at global conferences and casual discussions. I see my passion take flight, emboldening others to approach their own reckonings, uncomfortable as they may be. I embark on a two-year journey of not buying new clothes in a statement against mass consumption and rally youth into a unified organization. We stand together, picking at the gritty knots of makeup, corporate accountability, and sustainability as they slowly unravel.

Deep rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.

I’m not sure why makeup transfixes me. Perhaps it’s because I enjoy seeing my reveries take shape. Yukta, the wannabe Wicked Witch of the West, has lids coated with emerald luster and lips of coal. Yukta, the Indian classical dancer, wields thick eyeliner and bright crimson lipstick that allow her expressions to be amplified across a stage. Deep rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.

Perhaps I am also drawn to makeup because as I peel back the layers, I am still wholly me. I am still the young girl staring wide-eyed at her reflection, earnestly questioning in an attempt to learn more about the world. Most importantly, I still carry an unflagging vigor to coalesce creativity and activism into palpable change, one brushstroke at a time.

Professional Review by Prepory

This student takes a household item as common as makeup to build a narrative that is as universally accessible as it is unique. This object is inflected with facets of both her personal and cultural identity that give the reader immediate contact with the student’s personality. She takes us on a sweeping journey through her investigation of the world around her, and embarks on a coming-of-age story without losing sight of the essay’s main topic. This student strikes a balance between the narrative and creative writing elements that are integral to successful personal statements. The writer gives us glimpses of insight into her personal development across multiple years, using makeup as a medium for self-reflection and discovery. She masterfully leverages the colors and elements of her makeup collection to craft vivid descriptions, situating imagery as the cornerstone of this essay’s approach and success. She takes up an object so easily tied to consumerism and superficiality and uses it to champion the societal and ethical battles for which she advocates.

We also see that the writer of this essay has a clearly defined voice. While many students struggle with the temptation to elevate their writing through ornamentation, this writer is able to maneuver a vibrant writing style that remains engaging, rhythmic and measured. Through each moment of this essay, we learn what the author cares about: conscious consumerism, creativity, and activism; we also learn how she thinks: curiosily, selflessly, and with feminist undertones. The opening sentences of this essay employ a successful strategy for personal statement writing, rich with adjectives detailing a small scene, that is expanded upon to make a larger commentary about the author and where she stands in society. Last, the student’s essay compliments her larger admissions profile in which the reader learns about years of advocacy, sustainable practices, and intentions to positively impact her community.

Eda's Essay

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Successful Harvard Essay: Homeless for Thirteen Years

I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort.

For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Kuçovë, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.”

Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me.

That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phone call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer.

A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephone only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent. “Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true?

Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phone calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phone calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color.

I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.

Professional Review by Potomac Admissions

Honest. Heartbreaking. Powerful.

Those were the first three words that came to mind after reading Eda’s essay.

By being so honest, Eda showcases her genuine growth and maturity over time.

What we love about Eda’s essay is its refreshing vulnerability. Too many college essays are “too” picture-perfect. Eda doesn’t censor the truth, even if admitting her inner thoughts may potentially paint her in a negative light. For example, she starts the entire essay with a scene of her weeping on her parents’ bed, blaming them for her misfortune. By being so honest, Eda showcases her genuine growth and maturity over time.

Her personal voice is also strong throughout the essay. When she talks about falling in love with “that yellow house,” an image of said house is automatically conjured up in our minds. When she speaks of the heartbreak she experienced upon learning “that yellow house” was sold to another family, we felt pain in our hearts too. Her deliberate choice to “PLAY” the voicemail she received for us and include her subsequent internal thoughts further pulls us into reliving her journey with her.

Yet, she goes beyond merely telling us of her journey. She highlights just how atypical her journey has been. Instead of enjoying phone conversations about makeup or shoes, she is talking to agents about fix-rate mortgages and down payments… all at the age of 13. Though she does not explicitly state this (she doesn’t need to): it is clear that Eda has had to grow up fast, becoming a stronger individual as a result.

Her understanding of the word “home” evolves from a physical roof over her head to a more abstract one. Home is wherever her “memories and laughter” exist. In the end, she comes to terms with the sacrifices her parents have made. Learning to be proud of her upbringing showcases Eda’s evolution.

Eda is someone who will overcome whatever challenges thrown her way, making her a strong college applicant.

Lisa's Essay

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Successful Harvard Essay: Playing it Dangerous

In hazy stillness, a sudden flurry of colored skirts, whispers of “Merde!” Sternly, my fingers smooth back my hair, although they know no loose strands will be found. My skin absorbs heat from stage lights above—if only that heat would seep into my brain, denature some proteins, and deactivate the neurons stressing me out. A warm hand, accompanied by an even warmer smile, interrupts my frenzied solitude. I glance up. My lovely teacher nods, coaxing my frozen lips into a thawed smile. A complex figure, filled in with doubt, yet finished with shades of confidence: My body takes its place and waits.

One, two, three, four; two, two, three, four. On stage, the lights and music wash over me. Never having had a true ballet solo before, my lungs are one breath away from hyperventilating. Trying to achieve a Zen-like state, I imagine a field of daisies, yet my palms continue sweating disobediently. It’s not that I’ve never been on stage alone before; I’ve had plenty of piano recitals and competitions. Yet, while both performances consume my mind and soul, ballet demands complete commitment of my body.

I've had plenty of piano recitals and competitions. Yet, while both performances consume my mind and soul, ballet demands complete commitment of my body.

Gently slide into arabesque and lean downward; try not to fall flat on face—Mom’s videotaping. In terms of mentality, I would hardly be described as an introvert; yet, a fear of failure has still kept me from taking risks. Maybe I was scared of leaping too high, falling too far, and hitting the hard floor. As I moved up in the cutthroat world of dance, this fear only increased; the pressure of greater expectations and the specter of greater embarrassment had held me contained. Now, every single eyeball is on me.

Lean extra in this pirouette; it’s more aesthetic. But is it always better to be safe than sorry? Glancing toward the wings, I see my teacher’s wild gesticulations: Stretch your arms out, she seems to mime, More! A genuine smile replaces one of forced enthusiasm; alone on the stage, this is my chance to shine. I breathe in the movements, forget each individual step. More than just imagining, but finally experiencing the jubilation of the music, I allow my splits to stretch across the stage and my steps to extend longer and longer, until I’m no longer safe and my heart is racing. Exhilarated and scared in the best way, I throw myself into my jumps. I no longer need to imagine scenes to get in the mood; the emotions are twirling and leaping within me.

Reaching, stretching, grabbing, flinging ... My fear no longer shields me. I find my old passion for ballet, and remember the grace and poise that can nevertheless convey every color of emotion. Playing it safe will leave me part of the backdrop; only by taking risks can I step into the limelight. Maybe I’ll fall, but the rush is worth it. I’ll captain an all-male science bowl team, run a marathon, audition for a musical, and embrace the physical and intellectual elation of taking risks.

Professional Review by MR. MBA®, Val Misra

Lisa creates a winning essay by successfully invoking real emotions in the reader through her creative, descriptive prose that conveys vivid imagery, heartfelt feelings, and wholesome introspection. I instantly likened Lisa’s allegory to a bird trapped in a closed cage; the cage serves as a metaphor for what we all face in our lives, our fears. Lisa’s first ballet solo is brilliantly illustrated as her ‘Aha! moment’ where she sheds her fears (opens her cage) and, with careful self-reflection, chooses to embrace future risks (flies only forward).

In paragraphs 1-3, Lisa captivates us instantly through her beautiful, rich language and imagery, as she portrays herself immobilized by stress and a fear of failure and family/public opinion. I empathize and want to learn more! Her warm humor shines perfectly: wanting to deactivate her brain neurons and reminding herself not to fall face-first lest she gets scolded by her mother/family - wonderfully done! Lisa uses her “lovely teacher” as her grounding, comfort zone and supporter, a theme many can share. Her anxiety is relatable, and she uses this to explicate her general risk averse nature.

In paragraphs 4-5, Lisa’s solo is radiantly depicted as her defining moment where she dances and realizes her transformation- fears turn to passion and excitement. She is poetry in motion in the moment, smiling, shedding her fears, and embracing risk like a warm glass of milk. A poignant question is posed, “But is it always better to be safe than sorry?” Through introspection, Lisa expresses her desire to pursue risks that will advance her personally. Acknowledging she may not always succeed, “the rush is worth it”. Lisa ends with concrete examples of leadership roles and activities that she will pursue at college- admissions officers favorably view students eager to step outside their comfort zones and embark on new adventures/challenges at college. To make this essay stronger, Lisa could have highlighted precisely how she will tackle any fears that may crop up during new obstacles at college, tying to lessons learned through her ballet.

Superbly written in a distinct narrative form, this essay crafts an experience that is vibrant, funny, deep, and relatable.

Superbly written in a distinct narrative form, this essay crafts an experience that is vibrant, funny, deep, and relatable. Lisa’s brand values seamlessly flow throughout the essay: creativity, determination, overcoming obstacles, self-reflection, growth through risk and, of course, passion! We are left with a glowing lesson in motivation in the hope of ridding oneself of such negative feelings to go on and achieve greater things - ‘playing it dangerous’.

Michelle C.'s Essay

At KEY we take a long-term, strategic approach centered on each individual student’s best interests. Working with our college-bound students beginning in Grade 8, we guide them in establishing a strong foundation of academics to build their unique profiles of co-curricular and extracurricular activities, academic direction, and professional skills. We aspire to give each of our students the best opportunity to thrive within their current education environmentand beyond. For a free consultation about our services and more, please visit: https://www.keyeducation.com/university .

Successful Harvard Essay

“You should scrub off the top layer of your skin whenever you lose a round,” my debate teammate once advised me.

“That’s not practical,” I replied.

“Neither is your refusal to wear clothes you’ve lost important debate rounds in. Your wardrobe has very little to do with your success.”

Half of me disagrees with him. I still bring three BIC Round Stic pencils with 0.7 lead to every test because my gut tells me this fastidious procedure raises my scores. I’m still convinced that labs receive better grades if written in Calibri. And I still won’t rewear clothes in which I’ve lost crucial rounds.

Yet the other half of me is equally dismissive of my own superstitions. I love logic, never failing to check that steps in a proof lead to a precise conclusion without gaps in reasoning.

Fortunately, I often abandon my penchant for pragmatism to accommodate for my unwarranted superstitions. And since I only feel the need to act logicalcally in selective situations, I am perfectly content with the illogical nature of my other habits:

Raised with my great-grandmother, grandparents, and parents all under one roof, I never lacked a consultant to help me transcribe Korean holiday dates from the lunar calendar onto my schedule. Yet whenever all four generations of my family celebrates with a traditional meal of bulgogi, my untraceable and admittedly nonexistent Italian blood flares in protest; I rebelliously cook myself linguine con le vongole that clashes terribly with my mom’s pungent kimchi.

If I plot a graph of “hours I spend in physical activity” versus “week of the year,” the result looks like an irregular cardiac cycle. The upsurges symbolize my battles with colossal walls of water in hopes of catching a smooth surf back to Mission Bay shore. The ensuing period of rest mirrors the hours I spend researching in that one spot in my debate team’s war room that isn’t covered in papers (yet), or at the piano sight-reading the newest Adele song. Then the diastolic tranquility is interrupted by the weekends when I’m sprinting through trenches to avoid paintballs swarming above my favorite arena at Paintball USA.

I find comfort in the familiar. I treasure the regular midnight chats with my brother as we indulge in batter while baking cupcakes for a friend's birthday, keeping our voices hushed

I find comfort in the familiar. I treasure the regular midnight chats with my brother as we indulge in batter while baking cupcakes for a friend’s birthday, keeping our voices hushed to avoid waking our mom and facing her “salmonella is in your near future” lecture. Yet, some of my fondest memories involve talking to people with whom I share nothing in common. Whether my conversations are about the Qatari coach’s research on Kuwait’s female voting patterns, or about the infinite differences between the “common app” and the Oxford interviewing process, or even about my friend’s Swedish school’s peculiar policy of mandating uniforms only on Wednesdays, I love comparing cultures with debaters from different countries.

My behavior is unpredictable. Yet it’s predictably unpredictable. Sure, I’ll never eat a Korean dinner like one might expect. But I’ll always be cooking linguine the moment I catch a whiff of kimchi.

Professional Review by Key Education (Bryan)

Most often, it is the down-to-earth topics that make for the most successful Common App essays. My students have written on subjects as mundane as cleaning, loading the dishwasher, eraser shavings, finding a piece of driftwood, or looking after not one, but two Shiba Inus. And so, it was a delight to read Michelle Choi’s essay. Choi took an idea that the rest of us probably give very little thought to – superstitions – and effectively used it as a focusing lens to explore different parts of her life.

By drawing these connections between seemingly unrelated and different aspects of her life, Choi demonstrated her ability to introspect while giving the reader a richer picture of who she is. Choi is not just another high achiever. Her superstitions – and that ever-present struggle between being logical and superstitious – is what makes her appealing. One can’t help but to like her. As I often remind my students, quirky is cool.

These various connections give the reader insight into what drives Choi as someone who is profoundly curious and quirky, someone who takes a different approach to things.

With Choi’s hook, the reader’s attention is immediately captured. One could be forgiven for probably cringing a little at the thought of scrubbing off a layer of one’s own skin. And besides that, what was Choi even going on about? Her opening compels the reader to want to keep on reading. Very early on in her essay, we know that debating is a core part of her identity. As she guides the reader through the rest of her essay, she skillfully connects her superstitions to other important aspects of her life, including her cultural heritage, family, surfing, music, paintball, baking, conversations with random strangers, and examinations of different cultures around the world. These various connections give the reader insight into what drives Choi as someone who is profoundly curious and quirky, someone who takes a different approach to things, whether it be intentionally combining Korean and Italian cuisine (I picture the likes of Gordon Ramsay already shuddering at the clash of flavors) to playing pop on the piano (perhaps a refreshingly different take than Mozart or Beethoven).

If I could offer one suggestion, it would be that after reading Choi’s essay, I was craving a little more. Perhaps she could have expanded slightly: what did she learn from this process of being unconventional? How did it influence the way she saw the world and influenced her actions? And in what ways did she apply this learning? That said, even with her essay, Choi does what many other students don’t with their Common App essay; she takes that a unique approach using a down-to-earth topic as a focusing lens to draw connections to various parts of her life.

Tony's Essay

As an admission essay specialist , Dan Lichterman has been empowering students to find their voice since 2004. He helps students stand out on paper, eliminating the unnecessary so the necessary may speak. Drawing upon his storytelling background, Dan guides applicants to craft authentic essays that leap off the page. He is available for online writing support within the US and internationally. To learn more and schedule a brief complimentary consultation visit danlichterman.com.

Successful Harvard Essay: Beauty in Complexity

Gazing up at the starry sky, I see Cygnus, Hercules, and Pisces, remnants of past cultures. I listen to waves crash on the beach, the forces of nature at work. Isn’t it odd how stars are flaming spheres and electrical impulses make beings sentient? The very existence of our world is a wonder; what are the odds that this particular planet developed all the necessary components, parts that all work in unison, to support life? How do they interact? How did they come to be? I thought back to how my previously simplistic mind-set evolved this past year.

The very existence of our world is a wonder; what are the odds that this particular planet developed all the necessary components, parts that all work in unison, to support life?

At Balboa, juniors and seniors join one of five small learning communities, which are integrated into the curriculum. Near the end of sophomore year, I ranked my choices: Law Academy first—it seemed the most prestigious—and WALC, the Wilderness Arts and Literacy Collaborative, fourth. So when I was sorted into WALC, I felt disappointed at the inflexibility of my schedule and bitter toward my classes. However, since students are required to wait at least a semester before switching pathways, I stayed in WALC. My experiences that semester began shifting my ambition-oriented paradigm to an interest-oriented one. I didn’t switch out.

Beyond its integrated classes, WALC takes its students on trips to natural areas not only to build community among its students, but also to explore complex natural processes and humanity’s role in them. Piecing these lessons together, I create an image of our universe. I can visualize the carving of glacial valleys, the creation and gradation of mountains by uplift and weathering, and the transportation of nutrients to and from ecosystems by rivers and salmon. I see these forces on the surface of a tiny planet rotating on its axis and orbiting the sun, a gem in this vast universe. Through WALC, I have gained an intimate understanding of natural systems and an addiction to understanding the deep interconnections embedded in our cosmos.

Understanding a system’s complex mechanics not only satisfies my curiosity, but also adds beauty to my world; my understanding of tectonic and gradational forces allows me to appreciate mountains and coastlines beyond aesthetics. By physically going to the place described in WALC’s lessons, I have not only gained the tools to admire these systems, but have also learned to actually appreciate them. This creates a thirst to see more beauty in a world that’s filled with poverty and violence, and a hunger for knowledge to satisfy that thirst. There are so many different systems to examine and dissect—science alone has universal, planetary, molecular, atomic, and subatomic scales to investigate. I hope to be able to find my interests by taking a variety of courses in college, and further humanity’s understanding through research, so that all can derive a deeper appreciation for the complex systems that govern this universe.

Professional Review by Dan Lichterman

Tony’s essay opens with stargazing at the ocean’s edge where we experience his boundless curiosity towards the natural world, sentience, and life itself. This wide-eyed wonderment is rendered artfully, yet what actually enables this essay to succeed is its ability to ponder deep concepts without getting lost in the clouds.

The story itself revolves around an event that seems far removed from the incomprehensibility of the universe: a randomized selection has assigned Tony to study wilderness arts when he preferred the path of law. He is bitter that a decision impacting his studies has been determined by chance. We see vulnerability in his admission that he was beholden to an “ambition oriented paradigm,” rather than studying what interested him most. However, what we discover through the rest of the essay is that Tony’s decision to remain in wilderness arts is one that has transformed him completely, changing his perspective from a “simplistic mindset” to one that is addicted to “understanding the deep interconnections embedded in our cosmos.”

The strength of Tony's language helps us appreciate the breadth and excitement of his unforseen awakening.

The strength of Tony’s language helps us appreciate the breadth and excitement of his unforseen awakening. From visualizing the “carving of glacial valleys” to reveling in the complex mechanics of natural systems, the essay showcases how much more Tony appreciates our world thanks to an event that had once seemed unfairly arbitrary. Observing Tony’s thirst for life’s interconnectedness, we grow confident that his evolving perspective will guide his studies into exciting unexpected realms.

Yueming's Essay

Crimson Education is the world’s leading university admissions consultancy. We take application counseling to the next level of personalization and success, increasing your chance of admission to Ivy League, Oxbridge, and other top universities by 700%. At Crimson, each student is matched with a team of top university strategists, tutors, and mentors who work together to provide customized support in every aspect of the student’s journey. Learn more at www.crimsoneducation.com and schedule your complimentary consultation with a Crimson advisor today.

My Ye-Ye always wears a red baseball cap. I think he likes the vivid color—bright and sanguine, like himself. When Ye-Ye came from China to visit us seven years ago, he brought his red cap with him and every night for six months, it sat on the stairway railing post of my house, waiting to be loyally placed back on Ye-Ye’s head the next morning. He wore the cap everywhere: around the house, where he performed magic tricks with it to make my little brother laugh; to the corner store, where he bought me popsicles before using his hat to wipe the beads of summer sweat off my neck. Today whenever I see a red hat, I think of my Ye-Ye and his baseball cap, and I smile.

Ye-Ye is the Mandarin word for “grandfather.” My Ye-Ye is a simple, ordinary person—not rich, not “successful”—but he is my greatest source of inspiration and I idolize him. Of all the people I know, Ye-Ye has encountered the most hardship and of all the people I know, Ye-Ye is the most joyful. That these two aspects can coexist in one individual is, in my mind, truly remarkable.

Ye-Ye was an orphan. Both his parents died before he was six years old, leaving him and his older brother with no home and no family. When other children gathered to read around stoves at school, Ye-Ye and his brother walked in the bitter cold along railroad tracks, looking for used coal to sell. When other children ran home to loving parents, Ye-Ye and his brother walked along the streets looking for somewhere to sleep. Eight years later, Ye-Ye walked alone—his brother was dead.

Ye-Ye managed to survive, and in the meanwhile taught himself to read, write, and do arithmetic. Life was a blessing, he told those around him with a smile.

Years later, Ye-Ye’s job sent him to the Gobi Desert, where he and his fellow workers labored for twelve hours a day. The desert wind was merciless; it would snatch their tent in the middle of the night and leave them without supply the next morning. Every year, harsh weather took the lives of some fellow workers.

After eight years, Ye-Ye was transferred back to the city where his wife lay sick in bed. At the end of a twelve-hour workday, Ye-Ye took care of his sick wife and three young children. He sat with the children and told them about the wide, starry desert sky and mysterious desert lives. Life was a blessing, he told them with a smile.

But life was not easy; there was barely enough money to keep the family from starving. Yet, my dad and his sisters loved going with Ye-Ye to the market. He would buy them little luxuries that their mother would never indulge them in: a small bag of sunflower seeds for two cents, a candy each for three cents. Luxuries as they were, Ye-Ye bought them without hesitation. Anything that could put a smile on the children’s faces and a skip in their steps was priceless.

He would buy them little luxuries that their mother would never indulge them in: a small bag of sunflower seeds for two cents, a candy each for three cents.

Ye-Ye still goes to the market today. At the age of seventy-eight, he bikes several kilometers each week to buy bags of fresh fruits and vegetables, and then bikes home to share them with his neighbors. He keeps a small patch of strawberries and an apricot tree. When the fruit is ripe, he opens his gate and invites all the children in to pick and eat. He is Ye-Ye to every child in the neighborhood.

I had always thought that I was sensible and self-aware. But nothing has made me stare as hard in the mirror as I did after learning about the cruel past that Ye-Ye had suffered and the cheerful attitude he had kept throughout those years. I thought back to all the times when I had gotten upset. My mom forgot to pick me up from the bus station. My computer crashed the day before an assignment was due. They seemed so trivial and childish, and I felt deeply ashamed of myself.

Now, whenever I encounter an obstacle that seems overwhelming, I think of Ye-Ye; I see him in his red baseball cap, smiling at me. Like a splash of cool water, his smile rouses me from grief, and reminds me how trivial my worries are and how generous life has been. Today I keep a red baseball cap at the railing post at home where Ye-Ye used to put his every night. Whenever I see the cap, I think of my Ye-Ye, smiling in his red baseball cap, and I smile. Yes, Ye-Ye. Life is a blessing.

Professional Review by Crimson Education

Yueming’s essay is the perfect example of an application essay that does exactly what it’s supposed to do: it fills out the picture of who Yueming is and allows the admissions committee to learn things about him that are not contained in the rest of his application. Yueming uses the story of his Ye-Ye’s baseball cap to show the reader what is important to him and to demonstrate key personality traits that he’d contribute to life on campus.

Yueming uses the story of his Ye-Ye's baseball cap to show the reader what is important to him and to demonstrate key personality traits

Even though most of the text is devoted to Ye-Ye’s biography, the essay is not just about him. Ye-Ye’s whole story is a prelude to the final paragraphs, which reveal the most important aspects of Yueming’s personality. Just like in life, our ancestors’ past is a prelude to a future generation’s history, which is still emerging. This subtle parallel, unnoticeable at first glance, allows the reader to understand the profound development of Yueming’s personality and his talent for looking deeper into the essence of things.

Yueming shows his ability to learn from the experience of others, and he highlights his own resilience and the positive mindset he gained from Ye-Ye. These qualities are undoubtedly essential for a future Harvard student and demonstrate his ability to embody “life is a blessing” on campus and beyond.

Charles' Essay

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James was not fitting in with everyone else. During lunch, he sat alone, playing with his own toys. During group activities, the other campers always complained when paired with him. What was wrong? As camp counselor, I quietly observed his behavior—nothing out of the ordinary. I just couldn’t fathom why the other campers treated him like a pariah.

After three days of ostracism, James broke down during a game of soccer. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he slumped off the field, head in his hands. I jogged toward him, my forehead creased with concern. Some campers loudly remarked, “Why is that creep crying?” Furious indignation leaped into my heart. They were the ones who “accidentally” bumped into him and called him “James the Freak.” It was their cruelty that caused his meltdown, and now they were mocking him for it. I sharply told them to keep their thoughts to themselves. I squatted beside James and asked him what was wrong. Grunting, he turned his back to me. I had to stop his tears, and I had to make him feel comfortable. So for the next hour, I talked about everything a seven-year-old boy might find interesting, from sports to Transformers.

I had to stop his tears, and I had to make him feel comfortable. So for the next hour, I talked about everything a seven-year-old boy might find interesting, from sports to Transformers.

“I have a question,” I asked as James began to warm to me. I took a deep breath and dove right into the problem. “Why do the other campers exclude you?” Hesitantly, he took off his shoes and socks, and pointed at his left foot. One, two, three … four. He had four toes. We had gone swimming two days before: All the campers must have noticed. I remembered my childhood, when even the smallest abnormality—a bad haircut, a missing tooth—could cause others, including myself, to shrink away. I finally understood.

But what could I do to help? I scoured my mind for the words to settle his demons. But nothing came to me. Impulsively, I hugged him—a gesture of intimacy we camp leaders were encouraged not to initiate, and an act I later discovered no friend had ever offered James before. Then, I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. I assured him that external features didn’t matter, and that as long as he was friendly, people would eventually come around. I listed successful individuals who had not been hindered by their abnormalities. And finally, I told him he would always be my favorite camper, regardless of whether he had two, five, or a hundred toes.

On the last day of camp, I was jubilant—James was starting to fit in. Although the teasing had not completely disappeared, James was speaking up and making friends. And when, as we were saying our good-byes, James gave me one last hug and proclaimed that I was his “bestest friend in the whole wide world,” my heart swelled up. From my campers, I learned that working with children is simply awesome. And from James, I learned that a little love truly goes a long way.

Professional Review by College Confidential

Charles Wong takes the all too common experience of watching someone be excluded and explains how he combats it. In his personal account of being a camp counselor, Charles not only communicates that he cares deeply for others, but also displays his thought process for how he solves problems in general. Instead of just declaring these personal characteristics, he shows them through a personal account. The pointed decision to “show” not “tell” is an excellent essay tactic.

Charles not only communicates that he cares deeply for others, but also displays his thought process for how he solves problems in general.

First, Charles begins with his description of the situation. His tone is casual and straightforward. He incorporates crucial details, but his writing is not superfluous. His essay is concise and easy to follow. While this approach may seem to lack sophistication, it reflects Charle’s raw, real thoughts. The reader can feel his concern; Charles walks us through his genuine dilemma. Additionally, the acts of kindness he describes—the pep talks, the hugs—offer insight into his character. The decision to include these details paint Charles as a kind and bright personality, something of value on any college campus.

Moreover, Charles does more than just describe how he solved this particular problem, but expands it to life in general. He grasps meaning from a seemingly mundane experience and explains how it changed his entire mindset. This ability to consciously grow suggests Charles’s drive to to learn from all life has to offer; he is a student in more than just the classroom.

Sean's Essay

HS2 Academy is a premier college counseling company that has helped thousands of students gain admission into Ivy League-level universities across the world. With a counseling team of passionate educators with over 100 years of combined experience, we pride ourselves in helping high schoolers achieve their college dreams. Since results matter most, entrust your future to the leader in college admissions with a consistent track record of success.

I have always envied the butterfly.

Its graceful poise as it glides through the air; the blissful flutter of its wings as it courageously embarks upon life’s journeys. Its ambitious and adaptive nature — a change-maker and discoverer, a trendsetter in the animal world, a leader amongst other species. Charles Darwin said, “it is not the strongest of species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one most adaptable to change.” I envy the butterfly’s adaptive approach to change, making them the silent leaders of the animal kingdom.

It was at age nine, on a family trip to the Boston Museum of Science, that I was first drawn to the breathtaking butterfly. As I stepped into the butterfly’s endless capsule of nature, the flamboyant and audacious nature of the butterfly was captivating — their vibrant colors flaunted proud and shame-free, central to their persona but not defining of their personality. Their extraordinary courage in self-expression brought a little boy great inspiration. As someone who has questioned and struggled with my identity and accepting my queerness throughout life, the butterfly exemplified what it meant to be bold, courageous, and proud to a young boy who was lacking in all of those.

The butterfly exemplified what it meant to be bold, courageous, and proud to a young boy who was lacking in all of those.

I vividly recall one butterfly standing out among its comrades. Being an uncreative third-grader, I named my new friend Bloo due to his radiant cerulean shades descending from darkness to light as they progressed from the wing’s base. I watched Bloo soar, using his wings to glide far above the dainty and fragile stereotypes placed on him by society. I admire the profound growth Bloo must have achieved to get here, at one point a timid and powerless inchworm evolved into a carefully-crafted canvas of power. Bloo exemplified the strength and pride that I needed to begin accepting my identity. Looking back on this brief encounter with Bloo, I recall how he taught an insecure child self-acceptance. From here, I began to internalize the butterfly’s power. I began to molt into a new skin with fledgling wings.

As I progressed through life with these newly-discovered wings, I became increasingly drawn to observing butterflies in nature. They have proven much more than just precious gems found amongst clouds or prize trophies for kindergarteners to catch in their nets. The butterfly has shown itself as the hidden alpha of the animal kingdom — a leader and trendsetter amongst organisms both small and large, a fearless change-maker enabling them to outsurvive the rest for the past fifty-six million years.

With the wings and strength of the butterfly latched to my shoulders, I proudly embraced the challenge posed by this delicate yet powerful creature — to be a leader and a change-maker. Recognizing many social injustices in my community, I was inspired by the butterfly to become a voice of change. Driven by the butterfly’s creativity, I developed a social justice discussion program to take place at my high school, and became a local leader and fighter against corrupt politics in the 2020 election cycle. Bloo reminds me that time moves quickly and I must never settle nor lose focus in the crusade for justice. I hope to use this fragile time to advocate for equality in medicine, combining my passion for science with advocacy to leave a lasting legacy.

Today, the lessons taught by the butterfly are never far from my mind, whether I'm sitting in my English classroom discussing Beowulf, dreading the prospect of my upcoming integral exam, or even studying Darwin in Biology.

All these years later, as I ponder my defining characteristics and core values, I recognize that it is my time to become the butterfly — to embody Darwin’s words and face life with the courage to create change as I break free from my cocoon and enter the long-awaited adult world.

Professional Review by HS2 Academy

This piece is quite touching, as it deftly crafts a delicate and nuanced picture of Sean’s lifelong connection with the butterfly. It is playful (“my new friend Bloo”) while also profoundly introspective. It starts out effectively with a thought-provoking hook. After all, how many people would think to envy a butterfly? But the essay quickly picks up pace and shows how the butterfly truly is a perfect symbol for Sean’s own metamorphosis into a true leader and agent of change.

The essay works on so many levels because it utilizes an extended metaphor that aptly describes many parallels with Sean's life.

The essay works on so many levels because it utilizes an extended metaphor that aptly describes many parallels with Sean’s life. Oftentimes, many college essays utilize figurative language, but the connection with the narrative of that student’s life tends to be rather superficial. The idea of a butterfly emerging from a cocoon may seem a bit cliche as an image of a student’s transformation, but Sean’s essay goes deeper, in part because of a parallel with Sean’s own struggles with their queer identity. Phrases like using his wings to “glide far above the dainty and fragile stereotypes placed on him by society” powerfully capture Sean’s own journey from an insecure child to an advocate for social justice and equality in medicine.

We learn that Sean has truly found inspiration in the butterfly, rising above struggles with self-identity to become a principled leader with a genuine desire to fight injustice. The qualities Sean demonstrates—determination over adversity, passion for equality and justice—would be a welcome addition to any college community.

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How to Write a Personal Essay for Your College Application

What does it take to land in the “accept” (instead of “reject”) pile?

How can you write an essay that helps advance you in the eyes of the admissions officers and makes a real impression? Here are some tips to get you started.

• Start early.  Do not leave it until the last minute. Give yourself time when you don’t have other homework or extracurriculars hanging over your head to work on the essay.
• Keep the focus narrow.  Your essay does not have to cover a massive, earth-shattering event. Some people in their teens haven’t experienced a major life event. Some people have. Either way, it’s okay.
• Be yourself.  Whether writing about a painful experience or a more simple experience, use the narrative to be vulnerable and honest about who you are. Use words you would normally use. Trust your voice and the fact that your story is interesting enough in that no one else has lived it.
• Be creative.  “Show, don’t tell,” and that applies here — to an extent. The best essays typically do both. You can help your reader see and feel what you are describing by using some figurative language throughout your piece.
• Make a point. As you finish your final body paragraphs ask yourself “So what?” This will help you hone in on how to end your essay in a way that elevates it into a story about an insight or discovery you made about yourself, rather than just being about an experience you had.

Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend here .

We’ve all heard about the dreaded “college essay,” the bane of every high school senior’s existence. This daunting element of the college application is something that can create angst for even the most accomplished students.

• AA Amy Allen is a writer, educator, and lifelong learner. Her freelance writing business,  All of the Write Words , focuses on providing high school students with one-on-one feedback to guide them through the college application process and with crafting a thoughtful personal essay. A dedicated poet, Amy’s work has also been published in several journals including  Pine Row Press ,  Months to Years,  and  Atlanta Review .

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• Medical School Application

Harvard Medical School Personal Statement Examples

3 strong medical school personal statements for harvard applications.

Harvard Medical School personal statement examples in this blog can inspire you to write your own stellar essay. Remember, HMS is one of the top Ivy League medical schools and therefore your AMCAS application, including your personal statement, must be outstanding! Let's take a look at 3 Harvard Medical School personal statement examples.

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Article Contents 13 min read

Harvard medical school personal statement example #1:.

It was always expected that I would become a doctor. Both of my parents are doctors, my aunt & uncle are doctors, & my older brother is completing medical school; everyone assumed I would follow a similar path. However, for a while, I didn’t see myself following this path of my own volition: it felt like something imposed, rather than something I actually desired. I maintained solid grades in my pre-med courses, but found myself really coming alive in my electives, particularly creative writing/poetry. During my high school years & first 2 years of undergrad, I found the sciences cold & detached – far from the imaginative world of creative thinking I got to explore in my breadth requirements. So, I spent my initial undergraduate years ticking the necessary boxes & getting solid marks in my required science courses, but my heart was pulled more & more toward the humanities. At the end of my second year, I decided to carry my pre-med major, while also declaring a minor in creative writing. It wasn’t until that summer between my 2nd & 3rd years that I realized these worlds of thought are not as far removed as I’d initially (& admittedly naively) assumed.

At the tender age of 9, I thought the arrival of a baby sister would be a joyous occasion. It never occurred to me that it could be one of the most terrifying ordeals I’d ever experience. I recall the preparations we’d made in our home for Jenna, the anticipation & excitement each time I felt her move in our mother’s womb. 3 months prior to her expected arrival, however, Jenna was born prematurely. She was tiny, under 2 pounds, & spent the first 10 weeks of her life in the NICU. I recall the brief moments I was able to hold her, just a tiny, fragile bundle. Throughout this trial, I was also able to see the dedication & tenacity of the doctors who worked tirelessly to save her life. Watching a medical team devote themselves to her care, tending also to my mother, father, & myself, helping us steal as many precious moments as we could with her, filled me with hope & determination. As she grew stronger, they celebrated with us – every gained pound as much a cause for joy for them as it was for us. They were not merely her doctors, they were part of our family for that time. Seeing all they did for Jenna, & the relationship they built with all of us, helped me realize my own calling in life. The day she came home was the day I decided that I wanted to become a doctor.

As inspirational as this early motivator was, it was later that I learned the real work & challenges I’d need to overcome in pursuing this profession. While no one in my immediate family is a physician, my uncle, a cardiologist, has been keen on helping me achieve my goals. His guidance led me to volunteer work & shadowing experiences even in my grade school years. In Grade 7, I thought I may want to go into neurosurgery; he used his connections to help me shadow a renowned surgeon. Though I was only 12, Dr. Tankian treated me as if I were a serious med school applicant. I followed him through a full day of surgeries, standing by his side as he removed a ruptured disc in a patient’s back, & installed an artificial bone in the neck of a patient with a degenerative condition. Being in the operating theater was exhilarating, but also terrifying. At one point in the disk removal surgery, I had to step out of the room to catch my breath, as the smell was something I hadn’t anticipated & it made me woozy. A nurse brought me tea, & I momentarily thought about leaving. However, I knew I was getting an incredible opportunity. Despite this small set-back, I firmed my resolve & returned to watch the rest of the surgery & the one that followed, & I made it through the rest of the day without having to step away again. Though I persevered, the temptation to leave had been strong, but I know now that I can face such challenges head-on & set aside my own discomfort for the sake of learning. After our day together, Dr. Tankian helped me compile research on the brain & its functions, which I assembled into an un-assigned research project that I voluntarily presented to my science class. Though it was not a graded assignment, it remains one of the proudest moments of my childhood.

In his landmark text, The Birth of the Clinic, Michel Foucault observed the ways in which medical doctors act as empowered & revered agents in modern societies, but also the ways in which the “medical gaze” can dehumanize patients, reducing them to mere bodies that are acted upon. Though published in 1963, this work continues to inspire physicians, philosophers, sociologists, & other scholars who seek to understand such power dynamics & bring empowered patients back to the center of medical care. Acknowledging this role of the doctor has left every project, every research goal, & indeed, every step on my path to gaining my M.D., subject to additional analysis & reflection. It has helped me understand the medical world in new ways & inspired me to act as an advocate for chronically ill – & often misunderstood – patients.

7 years ago, my mother woke up one day with widespread pain in her body, relentless fatigue, & a multitude of other generalized symptoms. For the first few weeks, she brushed these off. Seeing her struggle just to do basic tasks like showering or making dinner was excruciating, but she assured me that this was just a passing flu or something like that. Weeks & months went by, with no improvement; I finally convinced her to see a doctor. I thought that would be the end of this ordeal – she would get a diagnosis & treatment, & things would return to normal. After a battery of tests that all came back negative, however, we hit a wall. Over the following 2 years, she would see 5 different doctors, undergo more tests – blood draws, stress tests, even an MRI – which all came back “negative”; yet, her suffering continued. With no real treatment, she cut back her working hours, & spent most of her time off work in bed. I had to step in to maintain the home, prepare meals for our family (her, my younger brother, & myself), & ensure bills were paid, all while working part time & continuing my education.

Finally, after insisting upon a referral, she was able to see a specialist (rheumatologist), who diagnosed her with fibromyalgia. While we sighed with relief upon the diagnosis & related treatment, this was the beginning of yet another arduous struggle with the medical establishment. We quickly learned, upon returning to our family doctor, that because this disorder is not easily tested or treated, it is not always taken seriously – patients are often told that it’s “all in their head” or treated as if they are seeking narcotics. I witnessed both things happen to my mother, as I’d started attending her doctor’s appointments. All I could see was a woman who used to be heroic in my eyes, reduced now to a lifetime of very real pain & suffering. As I began researching fibromyalgia & frequenting support groups for those with this condition, a long history of dismissal, humiliation, & intense physical & mental anguish spread out in front of me.

Harvard Medical School utilizes the AMCAS application system, meaning that your personal statement should adhere to the requirements of the AMCAS personal statement. This means that your essay should be no more than 5300 characters (including spaces), and should speak to your motivations to pursue a career in medicine (“ Why do you want to be a doctor ?”). Remember, you’ll also have the AMCAS Work and Activities section to give details about your work, volunteering, research, etc., and the AMCAS Most Meaningful Experiences to expand on some significant moments in your life, work, and education. The personal statement should be a narrative engagement that highlights your key qualities and core competencies, as they align with the requirements of medical professionals, and the mission of the university itself, in ways that cannot be articulated in smaller components like the autobiographical sketch or most meaningful experiences. 

Harvard is definitely not one of the easiest medical schools to get into – indeed, it remains one of the most competitive medical schools in North America (follow this link to see medical school acceptance rates ). This means that your essays must be next-level if you want to be considered as an applicant. 

*Please note that our sample essays are the property of BeMo Academic Consulting, and should not be re-used for any purpose. Admissions committees regularly check for plagiarism from online sources.

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Hello Madina! Thank you so much for your message. Since you are looking to apply to graduate school at Harvard, you should take a look at our sample statements of purpose, or personal statements for grad school. You can find several samples in this blog https://bemoacademicconsulting.com/blog/graduate-school-statement-of-purpose-example-and-tip There is a variety of personal statements from different schools and prompts. Let us know if we can help with anything else!

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October 14, 2018

How I Wrote a Personal Statement That Got Me into Harvard Law School

When I was applying to law school , the advisor at my college told me to intern for a lawyer. Sound advice, and one I might give, but unfortunately my experience was miserable. I was even told by my employer that I was “not law school material.”

So, how did I even get into law school, never mind Harvard Law? There are the general requirements: grades, LSAT scores, recommendation letters, and the elusive element of luck. But, I also managed to write a personal statement that said something about who I was and why I wanted to go to law school, a statement that had nothing to do with my terrible intern experience.

People think that law schools want to hear how much you know about the law or how you’re going to hang your own shingle, go into politics, or become General Counsel at a large corporation. But, law schools actually want to know how your mind works. They are looking for deep thinkers who look at the world around them and are able to establish some critical distance to evaluate both their own experience and the experiences of others. This is the heart of what legal thinking is.

Luckily, I was able to convey the moment when I decided I wanted to go to law school and why I came to that decision in a way that both told a story and gave the admissions committee a good idea of the thinking process that went with it. It’s not enough to give someone a great story – although that’s vital, too. It’s equally important to explain why that story meant something to you. Schools look for the way you process an experience and what unique insight you can write about it. That kind of writing, an articulate explanation of thought, is the same kind of skill that law schools want in their classrooms studying civil procedure.

Need another set of eyes to review your personal statement? In the early stages and want to brainstorm ideas? Accepted consultants would be delighted to help. Learn more about our comprehensive services here , and let us help you get accepted!”

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• The Law School Admissions Guide: 8 Tips for Success • 5 Qualities that Law Schools Want to See • Sample Law School Personal Statements

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哈佛大学教你写PS（附：官方范文）

撰写个人陈述（PS）是准备申请材料中非常关键的一部分，基本上所有学校都会要求申请者提供一份含有PS性质的文章。下面飞跃计划就分享给大家哈佛大学医学院关于PS的写作建议。

关于PS的提示是 “Use the space provided to explain why you want to go to medical school.”

给你一个解释自己为什么要去该学院的机会

对于申请26所学校的申请人来说，这篇文章可能会被52到260人阅读。

首先！一份好的写作必须得有完美的编辑，做好要反复修改草稿的准备。不要担心你的初稿太长，因为总会有内容要被删除。也不要太执着于你的初始想法，因为在你真正落笔之前，你搞不明白有些事情到底看上去如何？

当你完成写作后，你也可以去给自己身边的人瞅瞅，取得一些反馈。但是呢，过犹不及，太多的反馈会使人迷惑，它最终还是需要你自己满意。另外，将信任的人的建议置若罔闻也是不可取的，说不定学院的招生委跟他的想法是一样。

一定要注意：针对你个人陈述的反馈方，一定得是你的老师。如果你觉得在写作过程中遇到了瓶颈或者想要获取更多的反馈，哈佛协作中心也是个不错的选择。

字符控制在5300左右，包含空格

以下是你在撰写PS是要考虑到的一些问题：

（注：是针对哈佛医学院的申请者，你可以做出相应的更改）

• 你为什么想成为一个医生？如何证明你的兴趣所在？
• 随着时间的推移，你对于医学的兴趣是如何变化及发展的？
• 你是如何克服你的疑虑的？
• 为什么选择医学而不是其他职业领域，例如教学、科学、公共卫生、护理等？
• 你在生活中是否遇到过一些障碍（例如，经济、家庭或身体）？ 你是怎么处理这些的？
• 你是如何受到某些事件和人的影响的？
• 回想一下那个对你有积极影响的人，那个人是如何改变你的？
• 谈谈你生活中的重要转折点
• 你想让招生委员会知道的一些不太明显的特点
• 用一个具体的事例来吸引读者，或者用它结束全文来重申主题。
• 可提及旅行分享，让文章更有弧度。
• 谈一谈成绩波动或影响成绩的原因
• 你在PS所提及的内容，很可能会在面试中被问到，如果你不想在面试中谈论它，那就不要写在里面。
• 通过具体的事例（奇闻异事）来保持它的趣味性；
• 要提供你在别的申请材料中找不到的信息，比如你很强的洞察力，或者看待事物比较通透之类的；
• 描述自己的一段经历，你从中学习到了什么？
• 确保你的读者从中了解到的是你这个人而不是你做的事儿；
• 适应强烈的动词，生动的想像；画幅画；
• 描述你在研究中学到的东西，而不是具体的研究项目的细节(除非是写MD/PhD文章)。
• 为文章预留充足的时间以完善、修改、反思。你可以过段时间再来看，重新审视它。
• 校对拼写和语法，可以通过朗读来发现文稿错误。
• 只列出了你的活动经历，这也不是简历，它们有自己需要出现的地方。
• 试图用过分华丽的辞藻让读者印象深刻
• 自卖自夸，直接 告诉 读者你是个有同情心的，有动力的，聪明的，好奇的，专注的，独特的人
• 过于关注童年或者高中时期的经历
• 使用俚语、俏皮话之类的
• 给读者上课（例如：医学有什么问题，医生应该如何如何）
• 篇幅冗长，失去自己的特点

3 Strong Medical School Personal Statements for Harvard Applications

Harvard medical school personal statement example #1:.

It was always expected that I would become a doctor. Both of my parents are doctors, my aunt & uncle are doctors, & my older brother is completing medical school; everyone assumed I would follow a similar path. However, for a while, I didn’t see myself following this path of my own volition: it felt like something imposed, rather than something I actually desired. I maintained solid grades in my pre-med courses, but found myself really coming alive in my electives, particularly creative writing/poetry. During my high school years & first 2 years of undergrad, I found the sciences cold & detached – far from the imaginative world of creative thinking I got to explore in my breadth requirements. So, I spent my initial undergraduate years ticking the necessary boxes & getting solid marks in my required science courses, but my heart was pulled more & more toward the humanities. At the end of my second year, I decided to carry my pre-med major, while also declaring a minor in creative writing. It wasn’t until that summer between my 2nd & 3rd years that I realized these worlds of thought are not as far removed as I’d initially (& admittedly naively) assumed.

Growing up in California, the opportunity to learn Spanish was widely available. Being particularly moved by the poetry of Pablo Neruda, I actively pursued Spanish lessons, so that I could read his moving words in their native language. Reading his works in Spanish & independently learning about his life gave his work a renewed richness & depth. I spent many office hours with my poetry professor, Dr. Wilma Salvador, soaking up her knowledge of Neruda & other such artists in 1940-80s South America, learning about the intersections of post-colonial thought, the politics of the 1st-3rd World divide, & the ways in which artists used their craft to support & foster movements of resistance in the interest of social justice. As such, when the opportunity to participate in a 2-month medical mission in rural Chile arose, I eagerly applied.

To say this mission trip was life-changing would be an understatement. Here, we worked with a mobile clinic, providing care to the most impoverished Chilean communities. Doctors spent much of that time providing inoculations to children & treatment for diseases we rarely encounter in North America. There was some resistance to our offers of help, as many in the region were suspicious of aid coming from the United States, in part due to the complex history of relations between these nations. As I am near-fluent in Spanish, I was able to transcend the language barrier; this helped me build rapport with some locals, but it wasn’t always enough to help break down those walls & encounter one another as humans working together toward a common goal: wellness. Toward the end of my 2nd week in Chile, I met with Maria & her daughter Mariposa. Both were wary of our care – Maria was rather aloof, & Mariposa was terrified of the needle they were going to use to give her a vaccination. Upon learning Mariposa’s name – which means “butterfly” in Spanish – I muttered a few lines from Pablo Neruda’s poem, “Mariposa de Otoño” (“Autumn Butterfly”). Immediately, Maria’s face lit up. She knew the poem & confessed that it was the inspiration for naming Mariposa. Seeing her mother’s relief, Mariposa, too, began to relax & open up to me. At that moment, it was as if a light shone down, illuminating the merging of paths I’d thought completely disparate. My passion for words, languages, the beauty & complexity of human communication opened a unique moment between myself & those in my care. These worlds are not separate; when brought together meaningfully & intentionally, they compliment one another.

I returned to my 3rd year of undergrad with a renewed sense of self & purpose. At last, the pieces of my “puzzle” felt like they fit together. I began taking my pre-med work more seriously, spending time talking with my professors – both in the sciences & humanities – about my interests, & the connections I saw between these 2 worlds of thought. No longer was one a barrier to overcome to get to the other; rather, they were mutually inclusive & beneficial. At this time, I really began understanding the meaning of patient-physician relationships, & the ways in which broader humanistic knowledge can facilitate such relationships – creating a stronger bond with patients leads to greater patient trust & honesty, which in turn leads to better patient outcomes. My interest in artistic expression could be a bridge between my world & that of my patients. With my 3rd year studies in global health & social justice issues, I became more knowledgeable about discrepancies & inequities in healthcare systems. By following the path of medicine, complemented by my other studies, I’m developing the tools necessary to advocate for & support patients, both within & beyond my future practice as a physician. I now understand that a doctor heals bodies, but also nurtures the humanity of each patient. Maria & Mariposa helped me see this profession in a way that has left me inspired, with a sense of mission & vocation, which I hope to see through by completing my M.D. as a passionate & driven student of both the medical & the human conditions.

Harvard Medical School Personal Statement Example #2:

At the tender age of 9, I thought the arrival of a baby sister would be a joyous occasion. It never occurred to me that it could be one of the most terrifying ordeals I’d ever experience. I recall the preparations we’d made in our home for Jenna, the anticipation & excitement each time I felt her move in our mother’s womb. 3 months prior to her expected arrival, however, Jenna was born prematurely. She was tiny, under 2 pounds, & spent the first 10 weeks of her life in the NICU. I recall the brief moments I was able to hold her, just a tiny, fragile bundle. Throughout this trial, I was also able to see the dedication & tenacity of the doctors who worked tirelessly to save her life. Watching a medical team devote themselves to her care, tending also to my mother, father, & myself, helping us steal as many precious moments as we could with her, filled me with hope & determination. As she grew stronger, they celebrated with us – every gained pound as much a cause for joy for them as it was for us. They were not merely her doctors, they were part of our family for that time. Seeing all they did for Jenna, & the relationship they built with all of us, helped me realize my own calling in life. The day she came home was the day I decided that I wanted to become a doctor.

As inspirational as this early motivator was, it was later that I learned the real work & challenges I’d need to overcome in pursuing this profession. While no one in my immediate family is a physician, my uncle, a cardiologist, has been keen on helping me achieve my goals. His guidance led me to volunteer work & shadowing experiences even in my grade school years. In Grade 7, I thought I may want to go into neurosurgery; he used his connections to help me shadow a renowned surgeon. Though I was only 12, Dr. Tankian treated me as if I were a serious med school applicant. I followed him through a full day of surgeries, standing by his side as he removed a ruptured disc in a patient’s back, & installed an artificial bone in the neck of a patient with a degenerative condition. Being in the operating theater was exhilarating, but also terrifying. At one point in the disk removal surgery, I had to step out of the room to catch my breath, as the smell was something I hadn’t anticipated & it made me woozy. A nurse brought me tea, & I momentarily thought about leaving. However, I knew I was getting an incredible opportunity. Despite this small set-back, I firmed my resolve & returned to watch the rest of the surgery & the one that followed, & I made it through the rest of the day without having to step away again. Though I persevered, the temptation to leave had been strong, but I know now that I can face such challenges head-on & set aside my own discomfort for the sake of learning. After our day together, Dr. Tankian helped me compile research on the brain & its functions, which I assembled into an un-assigned research project that I voluntarily presented to my science class. Though it was not a graded assignment, it remains one of the proudest moments of my childhood.

Since 2014, I have volunteered in the NICU at Good Samaritan Hospital – the same NICU that cared for my baby sister. Today, Jenna is strong as ever, & the opportunity to help other families has been a motivator for my volunteer work. During my initial years, I operated as general support for nurses & families. I grabbed lunch or coffee or whatever was needed for the nurses on shift & for the families whose glazed expressions matched those of myself & my parents as we held on for my little sister. I knew a blanket or even a listening ear & warm smile can make a difference in the day-to-day lives of families in such moments of struggle. I frequently stayed well beyond my scheduled shift, as providing such comforts isn’t something that can simply be abandoned when the clock strikes a certain hour. Over time, my commitment was noted; I rose to the position of Lead Volunteer & then Volunteer Coordinator. Today, I still get to provide one-on-one support to families & staff, but I’m also responsible for scheduling & training other volunteers in this unit. The ability to lead a cohesive team, to ensure commitment from our volunteers through accountability measures, & to continue making that impact on families has helped me refine my leadership skills & general organizational competency. Our unit was recently awarded the hospital’s Volunteer Excellence award, which left me beaming with pride.

With this experience, I’ve also learned that not all NICU stories have a happy ending, & that my own family was fortunate in this regard. The work I do here is meaningful, but also emotionally difficult. I have wrapped my arms around weeping mothers, who had to say goodbye to a life’s worth of hopes & dreams. I have seen cases with generally good outlooks take a devastating downturn. I have seen the face of true anguish & loss. I have learned that nothing is certain, everything can change – for better & for worse. The strength I have seen in those families that go on, & in the doctors & nurses in the NICU, inspires me to contribute however I can to advancing change in a positive direction. To contribute substantially & meaningfully in such change, I must become a physician.

Harvard Medical School Personal Statement Example #3:

In his landmark text, The Birth of the Clinic , Michel Foucault observed the ways in which medical doctors act as empowered & revered agents in modern societies, but also the ways in which the “medical gaze” can dehumanize patients, reducing them to mere bodies that are acted upon. Though published in 1963, this work continues to inspire physicians, philosophers, sociologists, & other scholars who seek to understand such power dynamics & bring empowered patients back to the center of medical care. Acknowledging this role of the doctor has left every project, every research goal, & indeed, every step on my path to gaining my M.D., subject to additional analysis & reflection. It has helped me understand the medical world in new ways & inspired me to act as an advocate for chronically ill – & often misunderstood – patients.

7 years ago, my mother woke up one day with widespread pain in her body, relentless fatigue, & a multitude of other generalized symptoms. For the first few weeks, she brushed these off. Seeing her struggle just to do basic tasks like showering or making dinner was excruciating, but she assured me that this was just a passing flu or something like that. Weeks & months went by, with no improvement; I finally convinced her to see a doctor. I thought that would be the end of this ordeal – she would get a diagnosis & treatment, & things would return to normal. After a battery of tests that all came back negative, however, we hit a wall. Over the following 2 years, she would see 5 different doctors, undergo more tests – blood draws, stress tests, even an MRI – which all came back “negative”; yet, her suffering continued. With no real treatment, she cut back her working hours, & spent most of her time off work in bed. I had to step in to maintain the home, prepare meals for our family (her, my younger brother, & myself), & ensure bills were paid, all while working part time & continuing my education.

Finally, after insisting upon a referral, she was able to see a specialist (rheumatologist), who diagnosed her with fibromyalgia. While we sighed with relief upon the diagnosis & related treatment, this was the beginning of yet another arduous struggle with the medical establishment. We quickly learned, upon returning to our family doctor, that because this disorder is not easily tested or treated, it is not always taken seriously – patients are often told that it’s “all in their head” or treated as if they are seeking narcotics. I witnessed both things happen to my mother, as I’d started attending her doctor’s appointments. All I could see was a woman who used to be heroic in my eyes, reduced now to a lifetime of very real pain & suffering. As I began researching fibromyalgia & frequenting support groups for those with this condition, a long history of dismissal, humiliation, & intense physical & mental anguish spread out in front of me.

When I encountered Foucault’s theories in my coursework during pre-med, it helped me articulate my mother’s experiences – & the experiences of many in the chronic illness community – in new & trenchant ways. I could see the ways in which she’d been dehumanized & dismissed by some doctors, simply for trying to self-advocate & get the care she desperately needed. This experience led me to establish a new campus group for invisible disability awareness & advocacy, for which I currently act as founder & co-president. Together, we raise awareness on campus & in other pre-med student groups, & volunteer our services on evenings & weekends helping such patients with basic household duties, much as I’ve done for my mother. Because of this work, I’ve been invited to make several presentations & guest lectures in pre-med courses that touch on such issues, helping students connect what they’re learning to the lived experiences of those with chronic illnesses. So many aspiring med students grasp the basic science, but demonstrating the connection between medical knowledge & the humanity of patients is critical in advancing truly patient-centered care.

There’s no doubt that medical doctors hold positions of prestige & power in our society. This is an earned distinction, of course, but one that requires a degree of humility in listening to one’s patients & understanding each patient as an individual, rather than using stereotypes to lump certain patient groups together. When patients are not considered part of the healthcare team, a chasm can grow between patient & practitioner – a chasm which leads to additional harm & which negatively impacts patient outcomes. I want to become a doctor so that I can be part of a new generation of practitioners dedicated to individualized care. Though this may change once I’m in med school, I would currently like to pursue rheumatology, so that I can continue my advocacy for patients with such conditions, who are often subject to misunderstanding, stereotyping, & inadequate care, rather than individual care geared toward the best possible quality of life. As conditions like fibromyalgia are not well-understood, I want to learn about & continue the most cutting-edge research into diagnostics & treatment for this & similar conditions (e.g., Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), so I can provide others the kind of care my mother sought & struggled to find.

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