memoir essays about life

18 Essay-Length Short Memoirs to Read Online on Your Lunch Break

Emily Polson

Emily Polson is a freelance writer and publishing assistant at Simon & Schuster. Originally from central Iowa, she studied English and creative writing at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi, before moving to a small Basque village to teach English to trilingual teenagers. Now living in Brooklyn, she can often be found meandering through Prospect Park listening to a good audiobook. Twitter: @emilycpolson | https://emilycpolson.wordpress.com/

View All posts by Emily Polson

I love memoirs and essays, so the genre of essay-length short memoirs is one of my favorites. I love delving into the details of other people’s lives. The length allows me to read broadly on a whim with minimal commitment. In roughly 5–30 minutes, I can consume a complete morsel of literature, which always leaves me happier than the same amount of time spent doom-scrolling through my various social news feeds.

What are short memoirs? 

What exactly are short memoirs? I define them as essay-length works that weave together life experiences around a central theme. You see examples of short memoirs all the time on sites like Buzzfeed and The New York Times . Others are stand-alone pieces published in essay collections.

Memoir essays were my gateway into reading full-length memoirs. It was not until I took a college class on creative nonfiction that I realized memoirs were not just autobiographies of people with exciting lives. Anyone with any amount of life experience can write a memoir—no dramatic childhood or odd-defying life accomplishments required. A short memoir might be an account of a single, life-changing event, or it may be reflection on a period of growth or transition.

Of course, when a young adult tells people she likes writing creative nonfiction—not journalism or technical writing—she hears a lot of, “You’re too young to write a memoir!” and “What could someone your age possibly have to write about?!” As Flannery O’Connor put it, however, “The fact is that anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days. If you can’t make something out of a little experience, you probably won’t be able to make it out of a lot. The writer’s business is to contemplate experience, not to be merged in it.”

Memoir essay examples

As the lit magazine Creative Nonfiction puts it, personal essays are just “True stories, well told.” And everyone has life stories worth telling.

Here are a few of my favorite memoir examples that are essay length.

SHORT MEMOIRS ABOUT GROWING UP

Scaachi koul, “there’s no recipe for growing up”.

In this delightful essay, Koul talks about trying to learn the secrets of her mother’s Kashmiri cooking after growing up a first-generation American. The story is full of vivid descriptions and anecdotal details that capture something so specific it transcends to the realm of universal. It’s smart, it’s funny, and it’ll break your heart a little as Koul describes “trying to find my mom at the bottom of a 20-quart pot.”

ASHLEY C. FORD, “THE YEAR I GREW WILDLY WHILE MEN LOOKED ON”

This memoir essay is for all the girls who went through puberty early in a world that sexualizes children’s bodies. Ford weaves together her experiences of feeling at odds with her body, of being seen as a “distraction” to adult men, of being Black and fatherless and hungry for love. She writes, “It was evident that who I was inside, who I wanted to be, didn’t match the intentions of my body. Outside, there was no little girl to be loved innocently. My body was a barrier.”

Kaveh Akbar, “How I Found Poetry in Childhood Prayer”

Akbar writes intense, searing poetry, but this personal essay contextualizes one of his sweetest poems, “Learning to Pray,” which is cradled in the middle of it. He describes how he fell in love with the movement, the language, and the ceremony of his Muslim family’s nightly prayers. Even though he didn’t (and doesn’t) speak Arabic, Akbar points to the musicality of these phonetically-learned hymns as “the bedrock upon which I’ve built my understanding of poetry as a craft and as a meditative practice.” Reading this essay made me want to reread his debut poetry collection, Calling a Wolf a Wolf , all over again.

JIA TOLENTINO, “LOSING RELIGION AND FINDING ECSTASY IN HOUSTON”

New Yorker staff writer Jia Tolentino grew up attending a Houston megachurch she referred to as “the Repentagon.” In this personal essay, she describes vivid childhood memories of her time there, discussing how some of the very things she learned from the church contributed to her growing ambivalence toward it and its often hypocritical congregants. “Christianity formed my deepest instincts,” she writes, “and I have been walking away from it for half my life.” As the essay title suggests, this walking away coincided with her early experiences taking MDMA, which offered an uncanny similarity to her experience of religious devotion.

funny short memoirs

Patricia lockwood, “insane after coronavirus”.

Author Patricia Lockwood caught COVID-19 in early March 2020. In addition to her physical symptoms, she chronicled the bizarre delusions she experienced while society also collectively operated under the delusion that this whole thing would blow over quickly. Lockwood has a preternatural ability to inject humor into any situation, even the dire ones, by highlighting choice absurdities. This is a rare piece of pandemic writing that will make you laugh instead of cry–unless it makes you cry from laughing.

Harrison Scott Key,  “My Dad Tried to Kill Me with an Alligator”

This personal essay is a tongue-in-cheek story about the author’s run-in with an alligator on the Pearl River in Mississippi. Looking back on the event as an adult, Key considers his father’s tendencies in light of his own, now that he himself is a dad. He explores this relationship further in his book-length memoir, The World’s Largest Man , but this humorous essay stands on its own. (I also had the pleasure of hearing him read this aloud during my school’s homecoming weekend, as Key is an alumnus of my alma mater.)

David Sedaris, “Me Talk Pretty One Day”

Sedaris’s humor is in a league of its own, and he’s at his best in the title essay from Me Talk Pretty One Day . In it, he manages to capture the linguistic hilarities that ensue when you combine a sarcastic, middle-aged French student with a snarky French teacher.

SAMANTHA IRBY, “THE WORST FRIEND DATE I EVER HAD”

Samantha Irby is one of my favorite humorists writing today, and this short memoir essay about the difficulty of making friends as an adult is a great introduction to her. Be prepared for secondhand cringe when you reach the infamous moment she asks a waiter, “Are you familiar with my work?” After reading this essay, you’ll want to be, so check out Wow, No Thank You . next.

Bill Bryson, “Coming Home”

Bryson has the sly, subtle humor that only comes from Americans who have spent considerable time living among dry-humored Brits. In “Coming Home,” he talks about the strange sensation of returning to America after spending his first twenty years of adulthood in England. This personal essay is the first in a book-length work called I’m a Stranger Here Myself , in which Bryson revisits American things that feel like novelties to outsiders and the odd former expat like himself.

Thought-provoking Short memoirs

Tommy orange, “how native american is native american enough”.

Many people claim some percentage of Indigenous ancestry, but how much is enough to “count”? Novelist Tommy Orange–author of There There –deconstructs this concept, discussing his relationship to his Native father, his Certificate of Degree of Indian Blood, and his son, who will not be considered “Native enough” to join him as an enrolled member of the Cheyenne and Arapaho Tribes. “ How come math isn’t taught with stakes?” he asks in this short memoir full of lingering questions that will challenge the way you think about heritage. 

Christine Hyung-Oak Lee, “I Had a Stroke at 33”

Lee’s story is interesting not just because she had a stroke at such a young age, but because of how she recounts an experience that was characterized by forgetting. She says that after her stroke, “For a month, every moment of the day was like the moment upon wakening before you figure out where you are, what time it is.” With this personal essay, she draws readers into that fragmented headspace, then weaves something coherent and beautiful from it.

Kyoko Mori, “A Difficult Balance: Am I a Writer or a Teacher?”

In this refreshing essay, Mori discusses balancing “the double calling” of being a writer and a teacher. She admits that teaching felt antithetical to her sense of self when she started out in a classroom of apathetic college freshmen. When she found her way into teaching an MFA program, however, she discovered that fostering a sanctuary for others’ words and ideas felt closer to a “calling.” While in some ways this makes the balance of shifting personas easier, she says it creates a different kind of dread: “Teaching, if it becomes more than a job, might swallow me whole and leave nothing for my life as a writer.” This memoir essay is honest, well-structured, and layered with plenty of anecdotal details to draw in the reader.

Alex Tizon, “My Family’s Slave”

In this heartbreaking essay, Tizon pays tribute to the memory of Lola, the domestic slave who raised him and his siblings. His family brought her with them when they emigrated to America from the Philippines. He talks about the circumstances that led to Lola’s enslavement, the injustice she endured throughout her life, and his own horror at realizing the truth about her role in his family as he grew up. While the story is sad enough to make you cry, there are small moments of hope and redemption. Alex discusses what he tried to do for Lola as an adult and how, upon her death, he traveled to her family’s village to return her ashes.

Classic short memoirs

James baldwin, “notes of a native son”.

This memoir essay comes from Baldwin’s collection of the same name. In it, he focuses on his relationship with his father, who died when Baldwin was 19. He also wrestles with growing up black in a time of segregation, touching on the historical treatment of black soldiers and the Harlem Riot of 1943. His vivid descriptions and honest narration draw you into his transition between frustration, hatred, confusion, despair, and resilience.

JOAN DIDION,  “GOODBYE TO ALL THAT”

Didion is one of the foremost literary memoirists of the twentieth century, combining journalistic precision with self-aware introspection. In “Goodbye to All That,” Didion recounts moving to New York as a naïve 20-year-old and leaving as a disillusioned 28-year-old. She captures the mystical awe with which outsiders view the Big Apple, reflecting on her youthful perspective that life was still limitless, “that something extraordinary would happen any minute, any day, any month.”  This essay concludes her masterful collection,   Slouching Towards Bethlehem .

Tim O’Brien, “The Things They Carried”

This is the title essay from O’Brien’s collection, The Things They Carried . It’s technically labeled a work of fiction, but because the themes and anecdotes are pulled from O’Brien’s own experience in the Vietnam War, it blurs the lines between fact and fiction enough to be included here. (I’m admittedly predisposed to this classification because a college writing professor of mine included it on our creative nonfiction syllabus.) The essay paints an intimate portrait of a group of soldiers by listing the things they each carry with them, both physical and metaphorical. It contains one of my favorite lines in all of literature: “They all carried ghosts.”

Multi-Media Short Memoirs

Allie brosh, “richard”.

In this blog post/webcomic, Allie Brosh tells the hilarious story about the time as a child that she, 1) realized neighbors exist, and 2) repeatedly snuck into her neighbor’s house, took his things, and ultimately kidnapped his cat. Her signature comic style drives home the humor in a way that will split your sides. The essay is an excerpt from Brosh’s second book, Solutions and Other Problems , but the web version includes bonus photos and backstory. For even more Allie classics, check out “Adventures in Depression” and “Depression Part Two.”

George Watsky, “Ask Me What I’m Doing Tonight”

Watsky is a rapper and spoken word poet who built his following on YouTube. Before he made it big, however, he spent five years performing for groups of college students across the Midwest. “Ask Me What I’m Doing Tonight!” traces that soul-crushing monotony while telling a compelling story about trying to connect with people despite such transience. It’s the most interesting essay about boredom you’ll ever read, or in this case watch—he filmed a short film version of the essay for his YouTube channel. Like his music, Watsky’s personal essays are vulnerable, honest, and crude, and the whole collection, How to Ruin Everything , is worth reading.

If you’re looking for even more short memoirs, keep an eye on these pages from Literary Hub , Buzzfeed , and Creative Nonfiction . You can also delve into these 25 nonfiction essays you can read online and these 100 must-read essay collections . Also be sure to check out the “Our Reading Lives” tag right here on Book Riot, where you’ll find short memoirs like “Searching for Little Free Libraries as a Way to Say Goodbye” and “How I Overcame My Fear of Reading Contemporary Poets.”

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Last updated on Apr 06, 2021

21 Memoir Examples to Inspire Your Own

Writing a memoir is a daunting endeavor for any author: how do you condense your entire life story into a mere couple hundred pages? Of course, you'll find plenty of online guides that will help you write a memoir by leading you through the steps. But other times that old adage “ show, don’t tell ” holds true, and it’s most helpful to look at other memoir examples to get started. 

If that’s the case for you, we’ve got you covered with 21 memoir examples to give you an idea of the types of memoirs that have sold well. Ready to roll up your sleeves and dive in? 

The autobiographical memoir

The autobiographical memoir — a retelling of one’s life, from beginning to present times — is probably the standard format that jumps to most people’s minds when they think of this genre.

At first glance, it might seem like a straightforward recount of your past. However, don’t be deceived! As you’ll be able to tell from the examples below, this type of memoir shines based on three things: the strength of the author’s story, the strength of the story’s structure, and the strength of the author’s voice.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. The woman who Toni Morrison said “launched African American writing in the United States,” Angelou penned this searing memoir in 1969, which remains a timeless classic today.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Less of a singular memoir than a collection of humorous anecdotes framed around his life as a transplant to Paris, the star of this book is Sedaris’ dry voice and cutting humor.

A Two-Spirit Journey by Ma-Nee Chacaby. Chacaby’s remarkable life — from growing up abused in a remote Ojibwa community to overcoming alcoholism and coming out as a lesbian as an adult — is captured in this must-read autobiography.

The “experience” memoir

One of the most popular memoirs that you’ll find on bookshelves, this type focuses on a specific experience that the author has undergone. Typically, this experience involves a sort of struggle, such as a bitter divorce, illness, or perhaps a clash with addiction. Regardless of the situation, the writer overcomes it to share lessons learned from the ordeal.

In an "experience" memoir, you can generally expect to learn about:

• How the author found themselves facing said experience;
• The obstacles they needed to overcome; and
• What they discovered during (and after) the experience.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. Faced with the prognosis of terminal cancer at the age of thirty-six, Paul Kalanithi wrote an unforgettable memoir that tackles an impossible question: what makes life worth living?

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. An account of drug and alcohol abuse that one reviewer called “the War and Peace of addiction,” this book became the focus of an uproar when it was revealed that many of its incidents were fabricated. (In case you’re wondering, we do not recommend deceiving your readers.)

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. Adapted in 1999 into a critically acclaimed film starring Angelina Jolie, Girl, Interrupted enduringly recounts the author’s battle with mental illness and her ensuing 18-month stay in an American psychiatric hospital.

The “event” memoir

Similar to the “experience” memoir, the “event” memoir centers on a single significant event in the author’s life. However, while the former might cover a period of years or even decades, the “event” memoir zeroes in on a clearly defined period of time — for instance, a two-month walk in the woods, or a three-week mountain climb, as you’ll see below.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau. In July of 1845, Henry David Thoreau walked into the woods and didn’t come out for two years, two months, and two days. This is the seminal memoir that resulted.

Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mount Everest Disaster by Jon Krakauer. The controversial account of the 1996 Everest disaster, as written by author-journalist Krakaeur, who was climbing the mountain on the same day that eight climbers were killed.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Immortalized as one of the classic books about mourning, The Year of Magical Thinking recounts the grief Didion endured the year following the death of her husband.

The “themed” memoir

When you look back on your own timeline, is there a strong theme that defines your life or ties it all together? That’s the premise on which a “themed” memoir is based. In such a memoir, the author provides a retrospective of their past through the lens of one topic.

If you’re looking to write this type of memoir, it goes without saying that you’ll want to find a rock-solid theme to build your entire life story around. Consider asking yourself:

• What’s shaped your life thus far?
• What’s been a constant at every turning point?
• Has a single thing driven all of the decisions that you’ve made?

Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby. Throughout an up-and-down upbringing complete with a debilitating battle with depression, the single consistent thread in this author’s life remained football and Arsenal F.C.

Educated by Tara Westover. If there’s one lesson that we can learn from this remarkable memoir, it’s the importance of education. About a family of religious survivalists in rural Idaho, this memoir relates how the author overcame her upbringing and moved mountains in pursuit of learning.

Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth. Now best known for its BBC adaptation, Worth’s account of her life as a midwife caught people’s imagination with its depiction of life in London’s East End in the 1950s.

The family memoir

In a family memoir, the author is a mirror that re-focuses the light on their family members — ranging from glimpses into the dysfunctional dynamics of a broken family to heartfelt family tributes.

Examples of this type of memoir

Brother, I’m Dying by Edwidge Danticat. A love letter to her family that crosses generations, continents, and cultures, Brother, I’m Dying primarily tells the intertwined stories of two men: Danticat’s father and her uncle.

Native Country of the Heart by Cherrie Moraga. The mother is a self-made woman who grew up picking cotton in California. The daughter, a passionate queer Latina feminist. Weaving the past with the present, this groundbreaking Latinx memoir about a mother-daughter relationship confronts the debilitating consequences of Alzheimer's disease.

The childhood memoir

A subset of the autobiographical memoir, the childhood memoir primarily focuses (spoiler alert!) on the author’s childhood years. Most childhood memoirs cover a range of 5 - 18 years of age, though this can differ depending on the story.

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt. The groundbreaking winner of the 1997 Pulitzer Prize for Biography or Autobiography, McCourt’s memoir covers the finer details of his childhood in impoverished Dublin.

Boy: Tales of Childhood by Roald Dahl. Evoking his schoolboy days in the 1920s and 30s, the stories in this book shed light on themes and motifs that would play heavily in Dahl’s most beloved works: a love for sweets, a mischievous streak, and a distrust of authority figures.

The travel memoir

What happens when you put an author on a plane? Words fly!

Just kidding. While that’s perhaps not literally how the travel memoir subgenre was founded, being on the move certainly has something to do with it. Travel memoirs have been written for as long as people could traverse land — which is to say, a long time — but the modern travel narrative didn’t crystallize until the 1970s with the publication of Paul Theroux’s Great Railway Bazaar and Bruce Chatwin’s In Patagonia .

In a travel memoir, the author isn’t the star of the show: the place is. You can expect to find these elements in a travel memoir:

• A description of the place
• A discussion of the culture and people
• How the author experienced the place and dealt with setbacks during the journey

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Proof that memoirs don’t have to tell catastrophic stories to succeed, this book chronicles Gilbert’s post-divorce travels, inspiring a generation of self-care enthusiasts, and was adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts.

The Great Railway Bazaar by Paul Theroux. A four-month journey from London to East Asia (and back again) by train, this is the book that helped found the modern travel narrative.

The celebrity memoir

The celebrity memoir is just that: a memoir published by a celebrity. Though many celebrity memoirs are admittedly ghostwritten, the best ones give us an honest and authentic look at the “real person” behind the public figure.

Note that we define “celebrity” broadly here as anyone who is (or has been) in the public spotlight. This includes:

• Political figures
• Sports stars
• Actors and actresses

Paper Lion by George Plimpton. In 1960, the author George Plimpton joined up with the Detroit Lions to see if an ordinary man could play pro football. The answer was no, but his experience in training camp allowed him to tell the first-hand story of a team from inside the locker room.

Troublemaker by Leah Remini. The former star of TV’s The King of Queens tackles the Church of Scientology head-on, detailing her life in (and her decision to leave) the controversial religion.

It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong. This is a great lesson on the way authors often write books to create their own legacy in the way they see fit. As history confirmed, Armstrong’s comeback success wasn’t entirely about the bike at all.

Now that you know what a memoir looks like, it’s time to get out your pen and paper, and write your own memoir ! And if you want even more memoir examples to keep being inspired? We’ve got you covered: here are the 30 best memoirs of the last century .

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The Memoir in Essays: A Reading List

Elizabeth kadetsky on the multiple ways we can look at the self.

While the personal essay has enjoyed continued popularity, a book-length collection of linked essays, centered on an author’s self or life, is less common than a traditional memoir or novel. A truly successful essay collection can reveal the author processing experiences at many different points in time and through many different lenses. As a writer, I’ve always been drawn to the essay as a form, for its concision, for its ability to highlight an intriguing gap between author and narrator that lends an inherent tension and self-questioning. A collection of essays treating the same or related inquiries multiplies this effect.

The distance afforded by those multivalent lenses can allow an author to regard one’s younger self as a different character, a different persona. This can create an unease or uncertainty that is exciting, and also very relatable to the reader. An author’s ability to forgive that earlier version of herself is especially prevalent in the memoir-in-essays, perhaps because of the extended time period covered as a writer composes essays across years or even decades.

We are lucky enough to be in the middle of a renaissance. Several recent and upcoming memoirs-in-essays use the inquisitive essay form to tell life stories from different vantage points and make the reader question and revel in unreliable narrators and new perspectives. The more traditional memoir focuses on seeking and attaining redemption. The nonlinear structure of an essay collection reveals that there is never easy redemption, never clear resolution: bad things happen for no reason; overcoming one trial does not lessen the need to adapt in the next.

These new, enchanting and powerful collections are a welcome reminder that in our collective state of unrest and unknown futures, there is a comfort in knowing that there is an inherent uncertainty in having the answers.

Emily Arnason Casey, Made Holy: Essays (University of Georgia Press)

In beautiful, scenic prose, Emily Arnason Casey probes her middle American childhood from the stance of different venues, times of life, and primary characters—a family cabin and repository for memories both happy and sad; a little sister who grew up and wasn’t a sidekick anymore; a mother who didn’t reveal the family propensity to alcoholism until it was too late; an aunt who succumbed to the illness’s lure. In a spiral-like structure that keeps returning to a central and unanswerable question—how, and why, must this family battle the draws and effects of alcohol addiction—Arnason Casey tells a poignant story of a “normal” family that through its quirks and desires must find a path to survival. The author finds solace in nostalgia and a way forward by examining the errors of the past and by embracing, as a mother, the promise of the future generation. Her probing and compulsive need to question reminds us that alcoholism has no simple etiology, and that its cures are as individual as they are elusive.

Sonja Livingston, The Virgin of Prince Street: Expeditions into Devotion } (University of Nebraska Press)

At a time of dwindling religiosity, Livingston finds herself wishing for greater connection to her Catholic roots while also exploring the physical space of the church in upstate New York that made memories for her as a child. Because of religious attrition, the church that she grew up in becomes the gathering space for dozens of rescued saint statues deaccessioned from other churches nearby. Livingston embarks upon a quest to find a missing Virgin Mary statue, that moves not in straight lines but elliptically, following a parallel physical and emotional journey that is an exploration into faith, Catholicism, and a desire for spiritual connection on modern terms. In examining the sustained power of a central icon of the Catholic church and an object of personal, sentimental attachment, Livingston’s linked essays highlight the irresolvable paradox of modern religiosity—that the seeker must follow an uncharted middle pathway when the old texts and their tropes, their patriarchy and their strictures, necessarily fall away.

Amy Long, Codependence (Cleveland State University Poetry Center)

In this haunting and troubling book, Long revisits scenes and anecdotes from her  boyfriend’s heroin addiction and her subsequent dependence on opioids for chronic pain. Formal experiments such as essays disguised as lists, prescription forms, and medical reports are interspersed among scene-driven recollections from different points in time: the author’s first introduction to the drug; the allure of an older addict; attempts at recovery. The grounding presence of the author’s supportive mother is offset by the narrative’s tragic other constant—the euphoria and escape offered by the drug. By eschewing a linear narrative structure, Long illustrates the difficulty of achieving recovery and puts lie to the myth that addiction is a logical disease that naturally ends with a cure. In its very form, this memoir undermines the narrative so prevalent in media treatments of this illness—that in order to trounce the beast, the individual suffering from addiction need only attend a recovery program. Having written about and witnessed my own sister’s decades’ long struggle to overcome opioid addiction, I was drawn to Long’s wisdom in portraying addiction not as a problem to be solved so much as a complexity to be observed and penetrated.

Sejal Shah, This Is One Way to Dance (University of Georgia Press)

The Indian-American author continually revisits her troubled relationship to her American identity through layered essays treating her bifurcated Indian and American past. Exploring her family’s immersion in Gujarati subculture when she was a child growing up in Rochester, New York; her experience as one of few people of color in her MFA creative writing program; and many family weddings in which she must confront her presumed future as a desi bride, Shah questions her place in both American culture and the thriving American-Gujarati subculture. By placing dates at the ends of the essays, it is suggested that her complicated and lifelong conflicts about race and cultural identity can be told chronologically. But, as she explains in her introduction, many essays had multiple end dates after having been revised and reconsidered as time moved forward. The multiple end dates elegantly upend the notion that a rational, hypothesis-thesis-synthesis structure can encompass the complexities of identity and belonging. Shah’s choice to write non-narratively about her conflicts of identity provide insight for anyone raised with a dual or multiple cultural identity—anyone who may, at different points of time, feel a greater allegiance to one culture, another, or a never straightforward amalgam of many. Who we understand ourselves to be, Shah’s book tells the reader in subtle ways, is not a fact so much as a moving target, an unending query.

Sue William Silverman, How to Survive Death and Other Inconveniences (University of Nebraska Press)

Silverman is the author of three previous memoirs. In How to Survive Death and Other Inconveniences , she tells her life story through the lens of an obsession with death and the desire to come to terms with the inevitable but often avoided reality that in the end we are mortal. The essays begin with a chronological life story of growing up in New Jersey and encountering American culture’s death-avoidance, but then take a swerve when several brief but elusive mentions accrue into an account of a rape at a young age and a discovery that her memory of the event connects to her fixation on death. A chronological structure gives way to a thematic plot, in which Silverman seeks to confront her topic through reporting, immersion, and reflection—for instance by visiting a morgue, exploring mythological figures associated with death, and recollecting a family funeral. The sophisticated writing and structure make the whole greater than the sum of its many fascinating and worthy parts. Silverman’s essays continually reveal the irrational functioning of memory and how it connects our pasts to our worldviews. Honoring subconscious logic, How to Survive Death and Other Inconveniences makes the gambit that the mysteries of the self are both keys to understanding and uncertainties to be celebrated. We become who we are without being fully conscious of our choices—probing those choices won’t give us easy answers, but the discoveries along the way will be illuminating and well worth the necessary befuddlements.

__________________________________

Elizabeth Kadetsky’s memoir , The Memory Eaters, is available now from University of Massachusetts Press.

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If you’ve thought about putting your life to the page, you may have wondered how to write a memoir. We start the road to writing a memoir when we realize that a story in our lives demands to be told. As Maya Angelou once wrote, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

How to write a memoir? At first glance, it looks easy enough—easier, in any case, than writing fiction. After all, there is no need to make up a story or characters, and the protagonist is none other than you.

Still, memoir writing carries its own unique challenges, as well as unique possibilities that only come from telling your own true story. Let’s dive into how to write a memoir by looking closely at the craft of memoir writing, starting with a key question: exactly what is a memoir?

How to Write a Memoir: Contents

What is a Memoir?

• Memoir vs Autobiography

Memoir Examples

Short memoir examples.

• How to Write a Memoir: A Step-by-Step Guide

A memoir is a branch of creative nonfiction , a genre defined by the writer Lee Gutkind as “true stories, well told.” The etymology of the word “memoir,” which comes to us from the French, tells us of the human urge to put experience to paper, to remember. Indeed, a memoir is “ something written to be kept in mind .”

A memoir is defined by Lee Gutkind as “true stories, well told.”

For a piece of writing to be called a memoir, it has to be:

• Nonfictional
• Based on the raw material of your life and your memories
• Written from your personal perspective

At this point, memoirs are beginning to sound an awful lot like autobiographies. However, a quick comparison of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love , and The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin , for example, tells us that memoirs and autobiographies could not be more distinct.

Next, let’s look at the characteristics of a memoir and what sets memoirs and autobiographies apart. Discussing memoir vs. autobiography will not only reveal crucial insights into the process of writing a memoir, but also help us to refine our answer to the question, “What is a memoir?”

Memoir vs. Autobiography

While both use personal life as writing material, there are five key differences between memoir and autobiography:

1. Structure

Since autobiographies tell the comprehensive story of one’s life, they are more or less chronological. writing a memoir, however, involves carefully curating a list of personal experiences to serve a larger idea or story, such as grief, coming-of-age, and self-discovery. As such, memoirs do not have to unfold in chronological order.

While autobiographies attempt to provide a comprehensive account, memoirs focus only on specific periods in the writer’s life. The difference between autobiographies and memoirs can be likened to that between a CV and a one-page resume, which includes only select experiences.

The difference between autobiographies and memoirs can be likened to that between a CV and a one-page resume, which includes only select experiences.

Autobiographies prioritize events; memoirs prioritize the writer’s personal experience of those events. Experience includes not just the event you might have undergone, but also your feelings, thoughts, and reflections. Memoir’s insistence on experience allows the writer to go beyond the expectations of formal writing. This means that memoirists can also use fiction-writing techniques , such as scene-setting and dialogue , to capture their stories with flair.

4. Philosophy

Another key difference between the two genres stems from the autobiography’s emphasis on facts and the memoir’s reliance on memory. Due to memory’s unreliability, memoirs ask the reader to focus less on facts and more on emotional truth. In addition, memoir writers often work the fallibility of memory into the narrative itself by directly questioning the accuracy of their own memories.

Memoirs ask the reader to focus less on facts and more on emotional truth.

5. Audience

While readers pick up autobiographies to learn about prominent individuals, they read memoirs to experience a story built around specific themes . Memoirs, as such, tend to be more relatable, personal, and intimate. Really, what this means is that memoirs can be written by anybody!

Ready to be inspired yet? Let’s now turn to some memoir examples that have received widespread recognition and captured our imaginations!

If you’re looking to lose yourself in a book, the following memoir examples are great places to begin:

• The Year of Magical Thinking , which chronicles Joan Didion’s year of mourning her husband’s death, is certainly one of the most powerful books on grief. Written in two short months, Didion’s prose is urgent yet lucid, compelling from the first page to the last. A few years later, the writer would publish Blue Nights , another devastating account of grief, only this time she would be mourning her daughter.
• Patti Smith’s Just Kids is a classic coming-of-age memoir that follows the author’s move to New York and her romance and friendship with the artist Robert Maplethorpe. In its pages, Smith captures the energy of downtown New York in the late sixties and seventies effortlessly.
• When Breath Becomes Air begins when Paul Kalanithi, a young neurosurgeon, is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Exquisite and poignant, this memoir grapples with some of the most difficult human experiences, including fatherhood, mortality, and the search for meaning.
• A memoir of relationship abuse, Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House is candid and innovative in form. Machado writes about thorny and turbulent subjects with clarity, even wit. While intensely personal, In the Dream House is also one of most insightful pieces of cultural criticism.
• Twenty-five years after leaving for Canada, Michael Ondaatje returns to his native Sri Lanka to sort out his family’s past. The result is Running in the Family , the writer’s dazzling attempt to reconstruct fragments of experiences and family legends into a portrait of his parents’ and grandparents’ lives. (Importantly, Running in the Family was sold to readers as a fictional memoir; its explicit acknowledgement of fictionalization prevented it from encountering the kind of backlash that James Frey would receive for fabricating key facts in A Million Little Pieces , which he had sold as a memoir . )
• Of the many memoirs published in recent years, Tara Westover’s Educated is perhaps one of the most internationally-recognized. A story about the struggle for self-determination, Educated recounts the writer’s childhood in a survivalist family and her subsequent attempts to make a life for herself. All in all, powerful, thought-provoking, and near impossible to put down.

While book-length memoirs are engaging reads, the prospect of writing a whole book can be intimidating. Fortunately, there are plenty of short, essay-length memoir examples that are just as compelling.

While memoirists often write book-length works, you might also consider writing a memoir that’s essay-length. Here are some short memoir examples that tell complete, lived stories, in far fewer words:

• “ The Book of My Life ” offers a portrait of a professor that the writer, Aleksandar Hemon, once had as a child in communist Sarajevo. This memoir was collected into Hemon’s The Book of My Lives , a collection of essays about the writer’s personal history in wartime Yugoslavia and subsequent move to the US.
• “The first time I cheated on my husband, my mother had been dead for exactly one week.” So begins Cheryl Strayed’s “ The Love of My Life ,” an essay that the writer eventually expanded into the best-selling memoir, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail .
• In “ What We Hunger For ,” Roxane Gay weaves personal experience and a discussion of The Hunger Games into a powerful meditation on strength, trauma, and hope. “What We Hunger For” can also be found in Gay’s essay collection, Bad Feminist .
• A humorous memoir structured around David Sedaris and his family’s memories of pets, “ The Youth in Asia ” is ultimately a story about grief, mortality and loss. This essay is excerpted from the memoir Me Talk Pretty One Day , and a recorded version can be found here .

So far, we’ve 1) answered the question “What is a memoir?” 2) discussed differences between memoirs vs. autobiographies, 3) taken a closer look at book- and essay-length memoir examples. Next, we’ll turn the question of how to write a memoir.

How to Write a Memoir: A-Step-by-Step Guide

1. how to write a memoir: generate memoir ideas.

how to start a memoir? As with anything, starting is the hardest. If you’ve yet to decide what to write about, check out the “ I Remember ” writing prompt. Inspired by Joe Brainard’s memoir I Remember , this prompt is a great way to generate a list of memories. From there, choose one memory that feels the most emotionally charged and begin writing your memoir. It’s that simple! If you’re in need of more prompts, our Facebook group is also a great resource.

2. How to Write a Memoir: Begin drafting

My most effective advice is to resist the urge to start from “the beginning.” Instead, begin with the event that you can’t stop thinking about, or with the detail that, for some reason, just sticks. The key to drafting is gaining momentum . Beginning with an emotionally charged event or detail gives us the drive we need to start writing.

3. How to Write a Memoir: Aim for a “ shitty first draft ”

Now that you have momentum, maintain it. Attempting to perfect your language as you draft makes it difficult to maintain our impulses to write. It can also create self-doubt and writers’ block. Remember that most, if not all, writers, no matter how famous, write shitty first drafts.

Attempting to perfect your language as you draft makes it difficult to maintain our impulses to write.

4. How to Write a Memoir: Set your draft aside

Once you have a first draft, set it aside and fight the urge to read it for at least a week. Stephen King recommends sticking first drafts in your drawer for at least six weeks. This period allows writers to develop the critical distance we need to revise and edit the draft that we’ve worked so hard to write.

5. How to Write a Memoir: Reread your draft

While reading your draft, note what works and what doesn’t, then make a revision plan. While rereading, ask yourself:

• What’s underdeveloped, and what’s superfluous.
• Does the structure work?
• What story are you telling?

6. How to Write a Memoir: Revise your memoir and repeat steps 4 & 5 until satisfied

Every piece of good writing is the product of a series of rigorous revisions. Depending on what kind of writer you are and how you define a draft,” you may need three, seven, or perhaps even ten drafts. There’s no “magic number” of drafts to aim for, so trust your intuition. Many writers say that a story is never, truly done; there only comes a point when they’re finished with it. If you find yourself stuck in the revision process, get a fresh pair of eyes to look at your writing.

7. How to Write a Memoir: Edit, edit, edit!

Once you’re satisfied with the story, begin to edit the finer things (e.g. language, metaphor , and details). Clean up your word choice and omit needless words , and check to make sure you haven’t made any of these common writing mistakes . Be sure to also know the difference between revising and editing —you’ll be doing both. Then, once your memoir is ready, send it out !

Learn How to Write a Memoir at Writers.com

Writing a memoir for the first time can be intimidating. But, keep in mind that anyone can learn how to write a memoir. Trust the value of your own experiences: it’s not about the stories you tell, but how you tell them. Most importantly, don’t give up!

Anyone can learn how to write a memoir.

If you’re looking for additional feedback, as well as additional instruction on how to write a memoir, check out our schedule of nonfiction classes . Now, get started writing your memoir!

25 Comments

Thank you for this website. It’s very engaging. I have been writing a memoir for over three years, somewhat haphazardly, based on the first half of my life and its encounters with ignorance (religious restrictions, alcohol, and inability to reach out for help). Three cities were involved: Boston as a youngster growing up and going to college, then Washington DC and Chicago North Shore as a married woman with four children. I am satisfied with some chapters and not with others. Editing exposes repetition and hopefully discards boring excess. Reaching for something better is always worth the struggle. I am 90, continue to be a recital pianist, a portrait painter, and a writer. Hubby has been dead for nine years. Together we lept a few of life’s chasms and I still miss him. But so far, my occupations keep my brain working fairly well, especially since I don’t smoke or drink (for the past 50 years).

Hi Mary Ellen,

It sounds like a fantastic life for a memoir! Thank you for sharing, and best of luck finishing your book. Let us know when it’s published!

Best, The writers.com Team

Hello Mary Ellen,

I am contacting you because your last name (Lavelle) is my middle name!

Being interested in genealogy I have learned that this was my great grandfathers wife’s name (Mary Lavelle), and that her family emigrated here about 1850 from County Mayo, Ireland. That is also where my fathers family came from.

Is your family background similar?

Hope to hear back from you.

Richard Lavelle Bourke

Hi Mary Ellen: Have you finished your memoir yet? I just came across your post and am seriously impressed that you are still writing. I discovered it again at age 77 and don’t know what I would do with myself if I couldn’t write. All the best to you!! Sharon [email protected]

I am up to my eyeballs with a research project and report for a non-profit. And some paid research for an international organization. But as today is my 90th birthday, it is time to retire and write a memoir.

So I would like to join a list to keep track of future courses related to memoir / creative non-fiction writing.

Hi Frederick,

Happy birthday! And happy retirement as well. I’ve added your name and email to our reminder list for memoir courses–when we post one on our calendar, we’ll send you an email.

We’ll be posting more memoir courses in the near future, likely for the months of January and February 2022. We hope to see you in one!

Very interesting and informative, I am writing memoirs from my long often adventurous and well travelled life, have had one very short story published. Your advice on several topics will be extremely helpful. I write under my schoolboy nickname Barnaby Rudge.

[…] How to Write a Memoir: Examples and a Step-by-Step Guide […]

I am writing my memoir from my memory when I was 5 years old and now having left my birthplace I left after graduation as a doctor I moved to UK where I have been living. In between I have spent 1 year in Canada during my training year as paediatrician. I also spent nearly 2 years with British Army in the hospital as paediatrician in Germany. I moved back to UK to work as specialist paediatrician in a very busy general hospital outside London for the next 22 years. Then I retired from NHS in 2012. I worked another 5 years in Canada until 2018. I am fully retired now

I have the whole convoluted story of my loss and horrid aftermath in my head (and heart) but have no clue WHERE, in my story to begin. In the middle of the tragedy? What led up to it? Where my life is now, post-loss, and then write back and forth? Any suggestions?

My friend Laura who referred me to this site said “Start”! I say to you “Start”!

Hi Dee, that has been a challenge for me.i dont know where to start?

What was the most painful? Embarrassing? Delicious? Unexpected? Who helped you? Who hurt you? Pick one story and let that lead you to others.

I really enjoyed this writing about memoir. I ve just finished my own about my journey out of my city then out of my country to Egypt to study, Never Say Can’t, God Can Do It. Infact memoir writing helps to live the life you are writing about again and to appreciate good people you came across during the journey. Many thanks for sharing what memoir is about.

I am a survivor of gun violence, having witnessed my adult son being shot 13 times by police in 2014. I have struggled with writing my memoir because I have a grandson who was 18-months old at the time of the tragedy and was also present, as was his biological mother and other family members. We all struggle with PTSD because of this atrocity. My grandson’s biological mother was instrumental in what happened and I am struggling to write the story in such a way as to not cast blame – thus my dilemma in writing the memoir. My grandson was later adopted by a local family in an open adoption and is still a big part of my life. I have considered just writing it and waiting until my grandson is old enough to understand all the family dynamics that were involved. Any advice on how I might handle this challenge in writing would be much appreciated.

I decided to use a ghost writer, and I’m only part way in the process and it’s worth every penny!

Hi. I am 44 years old and have had a roller coaster life .. right as a young kid seeing his father struggle to financial hassles, facing legal battles at a young age and then health issues leading to a recent kidney transplant. I have been working on writing a memoir sharing my life story and titled it “A memoir of growth and gratitude” Is it a good idea to write a memoir and share my story with the world?

Thank you… this was very helpful. I’m writing about the troubling issues of my mental health, and how my life was seriously impacted by that. I am 68 years old.

[…] Writers.com: How to Write a Memoir […]

[…] Writers.com: “How to Write a Memoir” […]

I am so grateful that I found this site! I am inspired and encouraged to start my memoir because of the site’s content and the brave people that have posted in the comments.

Finding this site is going into my gratitude journey 🙂

We’re grateful you found us too, Nichol! 🙂

Firstly, I would like to thank you for all the info pertaining to memoirs. I believe am on the right track, am at the editing stage and really have to use an extra pair of eyes. I’m more motivated now to push it out and complete it. Thanks for the tips it was very helpful, I have a little more confidence it seeing the completion.

Well, I’m super excited to begin my memoir. It’s hard trying to rely on memories alone, but I’m going to give it a shot!

Thanks to everyone who posted comments, all of which have inspired me to get on it.

Best of luck to everyone! Jody V.

I was thrilled to find this material on How to Write A Memoir. When I briefly told someone about some of my past experiences and how I came to the United States in the company of my younger brother in a program with a curious name, I was encouraged by that person and others to write my life history.

Based on the name of that curious program through which our parents sent us to the United States so we could leave the place of our birth, and be away from potentially difficult situations in our country.

As I began to write my history I took as much time as possible to describe all the different steps that were taken. At this time – I have been working on this project for 5 years and am still moving ahead. The information I received through your material has further encouraged me to move along. I am very pleased to have found this important material. Thank you!

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10 Essential Essay-Length Memoirs You Can Read Online for Free

Short insights with big impacts.

• Photo Credit: Unsplash/Sincerely Media

Are you a fan of anecdotal reading, but lacking the time to dive into a 300 page memoir? Do you love the specificity of short essays? Or are you looking for a taste of an author’s work before you peek any deeper into their psyche? Then you might consider looking into some essay-length memoirs—think of them as memoir examples, rather than full-fledged books.

Whether you’re hoping to find a piece of writing that makes you feel less alone, or you want to expand your understanding of the human race, these true accounts will stick with you. Here are 10 phenomenal memoir examples you can read online right now for free.

Related: The Best Essay Collections to Add to Your TBR List

"Me Talk Pretty One Day"

by David Sedaris

• Photo Credit: Chris Karidis/Unsplash

Comedian and author David Sedaris wrote the memoir essay “Me Talk Pretty One Day” about his time living in Paris to learn the French language. While matriculating as a middle-aged man has its benefits—"No one will ever again card me for a drink or demand that I weave a floor mat out of newspapers"—it doesn't spare him, or any of his peers, from the abuse of their teacher. Sedaris recounts carrying a special brand of insecurity, tackling the complexity of language and the thrill of being a humorist going toe-to-toe with a stern and scathing professeure .

For collections of Sedaris’ writing, be sure to check out Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and When You Are Engulfed in Flames .

Related: 13 Famous Memoirs Everyone Should Read Once

"Age Appropriate"

by Jen Doll

Jen Doll is a freelance journalist—whose credits include articles for The Atlantic , Esquire , and New York Magazine —and author of the young adult novel Unclaimed Baggage . In this anecdotal essay about a summer vacation spent with family, Doll explores what it means to bring your teenage self along into adulthood. Stuck between the frustration of being treated like a child by her parents, and the ever-present desire to run from the strains of adult self-sufficiency, she writes to come to terms with the different selves she houses in the context of her surroundings.

Related: 15 Best Memoirs That Will Change Your Outlook on Life

"The Price of Black Ambition"

by Roxane Gay

In “The Price of Black Ambition,” Roxane Gay interweaves a timeline of her struggles and successes with a frank discussion on the sociopolitical racism inherent in the United States. She speaks on the fact that children of color are often given an inflated sense of “ambition” at a young age, as they must work twice as hard with half as much to achieve opportunities that are more carelessly given to their white peers. And, despite the exceptional amounts of work people of color put in to move forward in life, their efforts are regularly regarded as less than—their presence in “white” circles is considered a fluke or consequence of required diversity. She refers to her ambition as a hunger that can never be satisfied in the current status quo of America.

Gay is most notable for her essay collection Bad Feminist , as well as her fiction novel An Untamed State .

Related: 8 Extraordinary Biographies About Strong Women

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"My Dad Tried to Kill Me with an Alligator"

by Harrison Scott Key

• Photo Credit: Karl Bewick/Unsplash

Harrison Scott Key is the author of two memoirs: Congratulations, Who Are You Again? and The World’s Largest Man . Key details one humorous afternoon on Mississippi’s Pearl River, where he believes his brother’s “badass” antics and his father’s gruff and wild nature almost led to his death-by-alligator. Through a consideration of the differences between him and his father, he contemplates how his near-death experience might have shaped his adult life. Remembering his father fondly, Key reconsiders his own path of fatherhood.

Related: 10 Moving Biographies and Memoirs

"Explicit Violence"

by Lidia Yuknavitch

Known for her provocative novels Dora: A Headcase , The Small Backs of Children , and The Book of Joan , Lidia Yuknavitch wrote “Explicit Violence” about the terrible abuses she suffered throughout her lifetime. She talks not just of the physical acts, but the ways in which violence changed her state of mind. Yuknavitch is honest about the ways in which she was made to feel like she deserved the violence heaped upon her—and if how she didn’t deserve it, she should become the kind of person that might deserve it. With a sharp clarity, she condemns the ways in which those who suffer abuses, particularly women, are made to feel as though to talk about it is an inconvenience on those who could never understand.

For more from the life of Lidia Yuknavitch, she has also published the full-length memoir The Chronology of Water .

"Surviving Anxiety"

by Scott Stossel

In the essay “Surviving Anxiety,” journalist and author Scott Stossel opens up about his experience with mental illness. Suffering from anxiety since infancy, Stossel paints a startling and surprising picture of the measures he has to go through to appear unaffected and “normal” due to his internal (and often irrational) worries. In an honest detailing of therapeutic, medicinal, and self-medicinal attempts to get his high-functioning anxiety under control, he expresses the frustrations and constant battle those who suffer from mental illness experience. For a deeper look into Stossel’s experience and the history of anxiety, read his full-length memoir My Age of Anxiety .

"Darkness Visible"

by William Styron

• Photo Credit: Ian Espinosa/Unsplash

William Styron, acclaimed writer of Sophie’s Choice and The Confessions of Nat Turner , suffered deeply from bouts of depression. In his memoir essay, “Darkness Visible,” Styron is compelled to speak out about his struggle with mental illness after the suicide of Primo Levi. To combat the ignorance and taboo nature surrounding depression, Styron speaks about his own struggles with dark emotions, as well as the difficult path of healing. In the book of the same name, Styron expands upon this essay in a more complete memoir.

Related: William Styron: A Life in Books

"No Labels, No Drama, Right?"

by Jordana Narin

This enlightening and insightful essay comes from Jordana Narin, the winner of the New York Times 2015 Modern Love College Essay contest. Her memoir account exemplifies how new relationships have changed in the modern era, often careening toward an amorphous understanding between two people. She touches on an inclination to avoid not only labels, but vulnerability. Narin outlines how in a situation where the feelings are no less profound than something “real,” people are putting obstacles in their own paths by embracing an aversion to emotional honesty.

"I Was Pregnant, and Then I Wasn't"

by Laura Turner

• Photo Credit: freestocks.org/Unsplash

Laura Turner is a journalist who has written for such publications as the New York Times , The Atlantic , Glamour , and The Verge , with a book in-progress about the cultural history of anxiety. In this tear-jerking short memoir, Turner talks about her recent experience with a miscarriage. Her account encapsulates the worries of burgeoning motherhood put at sudden odds with grief and an overwhelming feeling of suddenly being alone. In an especially poignant and candid moment, Turner writes, “Your life doesn’t change, and that’s the strange part—because it was supposed to.”

Related: 7 Tragic Memoirs That Deserve Your Tears

"After Life"

by Joan Didion

Following the death of her husband in 2003, renowned essayist, journalist, and author Joan Didion penned “After Life.” In her essay, Didion describes the moments leading up to her husband’s sudden death, and continues on in aching detail about the moments following her realization that he was gone. She describes her “waves” of grief which were at the same time both strange and typical, and reaches for an explanation of how different grief can be when it’s unexpected.

More of Didion’s profound writings include Slouching Toward Bethlehem , The White Album , and After Henry .

Fiction & Memoirs From 6 Influential Writers

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10 captivating memoirs about life’s ordinary (yet extraordinary) moments

Memoirs are full of wisdom, humor, and heart.

• BY Anne Bogel
• IN Book Lists , Books & Reading
• 51 Comments | Comment

I’ve often said reading is my favorite hobby, my introvert coping strategy of choice, and a comfort when life becomes overwhelming. Over the last few years, I’ve read piles of escapist novels, disappearing into propulsive plots so I can return to my daily routines feeling refreshed—but I’ve also found heaps of comfort (and entertainment) in the pages of more familiar tales.

A true story of common experiences—friendship, marriage, illness, parenthood—can make me feel deeply seen and encouraged. I so appreciate when an author can put my own swirling thoughts into words in a way that makes me say, Yes, that’s it exactly! Whether they’re writing about beloved pets or backyard plants or a life-changing crisis, talented writers take you on an emotional journey—making you step back and assess the landscape of your own life from a new vantage point. 

Inspired by the ordinary-yet-extraordinary lives of gifted memoirists, today’s new book list includes true stories about relationships, health, loss, grief, and the simple pleasures of a life well lived. 

If you typically reach for true stories of the more salacious and striking variety, I encourage you to give one of these memoirs a try. You might be surprised at just how absorbing a seemingly average life can be. 

10 memoirs full of wisdom, humor, and heart

Some links (including all Amazon links) are affiliate links.  More details here .

I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working

Bomb Shelter: Love, Time, and Other Explosives

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life: A Memoir

And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready

What We Carry: A Memoir

The Light of the World: A Memoir

Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I’m Learning to Say

The Book of Delights: Essays

Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted

These Precious Days: Essays

Do you have a favorite slice-of-life memoir to add to our list? Share your suggestions in the comments.

P.S. In What Should I Read Next Episode 195: Wanted: book enthusiast at large , I recommended several of these ordinary, everyday memoirs to a special guest, Mary Laura Philpott, whose latest memoir in essays, Bomb Shelter is included in this list.

P.P.S. Sample these 20 tasty and tantalizing food memoirs , try a memorable memoir in essays , or take a trip around the world with these 20 travel memoirs .

51 comments

I loved The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.

That’s a great one for this list!

It’s not precisely a memoir, but Maggie Smith’s ‘Keep Moving’ is a year of Tweet and some essays about life after divorce. In the wake of my own separation after 40 years of marriage, her words were a lifeline. I write different ones on my bathroom mirror for inspiration and comfort. I’m also currently reading Bomb Shelter and I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet and enjoying both. Also just finished The White House Doctor by Connie Mariano. Not the best writing, but an interesting behind the scenes story of the first military woman to head up the White House medical team. Her Philippino father was a Navy steward and there is so much family pride in her rise to Rear Admiral.

thank you Barb, i submitted a WSIRN submission looking for just these sorts of books as im going thru a separation and need supportive books like this.

I was SO happy to see Elizabeth Alexander’s at the very top! I read that book a few years ago, and wondered why I had not been a fan of the memoir before? It was spectacular, she is an amazing writer. And now, I think I will read it again. Thanks for this list!! And for all the work you do to bring books to our attention. I think 75% of the books I read are from your recommendations.

I always like the essays/memoir of Sarah Vowel. She has such a dry and acerbic wit. Always a good story.

I’ve just started reading “I guess I haven’t learned that yet” on audio, and I’m probably already half-way through. I love listening to Shauna read her books.

And in hardcover I’m reading “Rage Against the Mini-van” which is turning out to be more enjoyable than I imagined. It’s much deeper and more literary than I anticipated.

I also love “I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death” by Maggie O’Farrell.

What a great list to share! One that I absolutely loved–especially in audio–was Memorial Drive: A Daughter’s Memoir, “A chillingly personal and exquisitely wrought memoir of a daughter reckoning with the brutal murder of her mother at the hands of her former stepfather, and the moving, intimate story of a poet coming into her own in the wake of a tragedy.” The writing is very accessible, yet so beautiful in its telling even as the story breaks a reader’s heart. Author Natasha Trethewey narrates the audio. She is a former US poet laureate and Professor of English at Northwestern University; she has also won the Pulitzer Prize in Poetry.

Thank you Tori. I was just about to suggest that one! I got to meet Natasha earlier this year and her memoir is stunning.

Read four of them! Listening to The Book of Delights right now. Should have known you were the one to recommend it!

The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kennison…read years ago now but still an all time favorite book….for sure a “right book at the right time.” It was my first experience with the memoir genre and has kept me coming back for more memoirs from a wide range of authors…my favorite memoir format now is audio when narrated by the author. Recent favorites read this way: Anthropocene Reviewed & Bomb Shelter.

I totally agree. I love The Gift of an Ordinary Day! It’s one book I like to re-read often.

I keep Tell Me More on my nightstand, re-read parts of it often. I love it so much!

I am no author, but just reading your list inspired me to pick up my journal, which has lain fallow for almost a year! Thanks!

The beloved memoir that got me started on memoirs a few years ago was Inheritance by Dani Shapiro. More recently I enjoyed Left on Tenth by Delia Ephron.

I too love Inheritance by Dani Shapiro. I have since some other books she has written.

I Am, I Am, I Am by Maggie O’Farrell is excellent, especially on audiobook. Loved Tell Me More & Between Two Kingdoms. 🙂

I’m not at all famous and I have no huge following (except on my YouTube channel), but I’m partial to my memoir. It’s Coca-Cola Hot Pants, Cancer and Other Stories of Good Fortune: How Your Attitude Determines Your Destiny. If your TBR pile isn’t overwhelming, give it a read and let me know what you think.

I added it to my TBR. Thank you, Nancy!

Some of my favorites: Hourglass by Dani Shapiro (memoir about her marriage structured in a genius way), To Shake the Sleeping Self by Jedidiah Jenkins (wonderful writer takes an extended bike trip, also reckons with his sexuality and his upbringing—brilliant storytelling!) and Traveling With Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor—mother/daughter travel to sacred sites in Greece, Turkey and France. Also loving This Here Flesh by Cole Arthur Riley—one of the most beautifully written books I’ve ever read.

Abigail Thomas wrote A Three Dog Life and it’s sequel when her husband was ill. She is a poet, so her books are lyrical and full of heart. Also, A Year by the Sea and sequel by Joan Anderson, highly recommended…

I truly enjoyed Stephen King’s “On Writing.” I respected how he was a well accomplished writer but had yet to really read anything he wrote beyond a few short stories as I am not into horror (my brain goes above and beyond in providing me material to keep me up at night). However, after reading his thoughts about novels he had written, I read “Carrie” and “Christine” and realized there was more to his writing than just bloody horror and suspense!

The “Great Ebook Deals” List Anne sent out today has a memoir by Jaqueline Winspear, “This Time Next Year We’ll Be Laughing,” which looks fabulous!

I have 3 to recommend, especially if you have someone neurodivergent in your life. The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May (author of Wintering) My Mess is a Bit of Life: Adventures in Anxiety by Georgia Pritchett – hilarious and poignant Diary of a Young Naturalist by Dara McAnulty – lovely essays on the importance of the natural world by an autistic teen

Currently reading The Electricity of Every Living Thing – excellent!!

Great list — I love memoirs! (And I am reading Ann Patchett’s right now!) Can I put in a plug for a good one I read recently? “The Bright Side” by Cathrin Bradbury, about the year she turned 60 and everything that could go wrong, did. But it’s not all doom & gloom — as someone who also turned 60 recently, rather I found it funny, uplifting and inspiring. 🙂

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54227861-the-bright-side?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=z6b5ny9T4f&rank=1

I haven’t been totally thrilled with grief memoirs (not for me, at least not at this time), like Light of the World, The Year of Magical Thinking, H is for Hawk, Crying in H Mart…although that one had other interesting elements about the Korean culture. I guess I like just “life” memoirs and essays, so I really enjoyed Mary Laura Philpott’s “I Miss You When I Blink” and I very much look forward to “Bomb Shelter”. I also loved Nora Ephron’s memoir/essays in “I Feel Bad About My Neck”, so I’m excited about Delia Ephron’s “Left on Tenth”! I also was impressed with Andrea Ashworth’s memoir called, “Once in a House on Fire” about her scary growing up days…As well as “The Puma Years” by Laura Coleman. In The Puma Years, she goes from lost aimless teen to finding out what she was meant to do on this earth—advocate for the big cats and exotic trafficked animals, as well as for the Amazon forest, itself. It’s an amazing account and I could FEEEEELLL the jungle all the way thru….makes me sweat, and itch with creepy-crawlies just thinking about it!!

Thank you for your recommendation of The Puma Years. Sounds perfect for me. I love all cats, big and small and I love reading about the Amazon. Ordered it right away so I could read it soon.

I listened to Educated after listening to What Should I Read Next? I loved it!

I really enjoyed Grandma Gatewood’s Walk. Don’t recall the author but everyone I recommended it to loved it. Thanks for the list.

Recommendations that might fit this topic ……. Sunbathing in the Rain by Gwyneth Lewis, a cheerful book about depression – and she’s a poet so can really write; Any Ordinary Day by Leigh Sales … about the worst day in a person’s life, one that turns everything upside down – and what happens the next day and the next (more life-affirming than it sounds). Leigh Sales is one of Australia’s most respected journalists and has had to report on awful things that happen on ordinary days to ordinary people for decades so has really thought the questions and interviews through; and The Erratics by Vicki Laveau-Harvie, a family memoir like no other I’ve come across, short and amusing in its sheer awfulness, makes you value distance from family members and the clarity it can bring!

I also recommend Any Ordinary Day by Leigh Sales and the audio of The Erratics read by Vicki Laveau-Harvie. I also loved Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roper about how she slowly began to question the teachings of the Westboro Baptist Church and it’s leadership. It provides a lesson for all of us on the dangers of black and white thinking.

I loved Mean Baby by Selma Blair. I bought it after watching her Amazon Prime documentary.

I loved Maggie O’Farrell’s ‘I am, I am, I am’ about her numerous brushes with death. As a parent, the last story left me breathless.

And ‘Gift from the Sea’ by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (wife of Charles Lindbergh, mother of the tragically kidnapped Charles Jnr). It’s her musings about womens lives and the phases we go through. First published in 1955, it is still relevant. I’ve gifted it a few times and it’s always well received.

I loved Bomb Shelter (4.5 Stars) and I really liked The Light of the World (4 Stars). I’ve traditionally shied away from non fiction, but I really enjoyed these two memoirs!

I’m currently reading Almost Anywhere: Road Trip Ruminations on Love, Nature, National Parks, and Nonsense by Krista Schlyer. After a devastating loss, she took a months-long camping trip around the country with her dog and an old friend. Her writing is amazing, and you feel her overwhelming grief and her awe at nature’s wonders.

I know that you’ve recommended “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottlieb in past summer reading guides, and I still love it. I am also partial to “What We Wish Were True” by Tallu Schuyler Quinn.

“Life Among the Savages” + “Raising Demons” by Shirley Jackson are two of my most favorite memoirs. So funny.

Oh my what a great list-I want to read them all!

I loved I’ll Show Myself Out by Jessi Klein! She compares motherhood to Campbell’s Hero’s Journey in a way that I really enjoyed. So witty and entertaining, yet also relatable (and heartwarming), even for a non-mother like myself!

i love the ‘classics’ of this genre-wild by cheryl strayed, eat pray love by gilbert, untamed by doyle, gift of the sea by lindbergh..recently read in love by amy bloom about her husband deciding to end his life in europe after an alzheimers diagnosis. beautiful writing. resilience by elizabeth edwards. anything by kelly corrigan. HOW TO SAVE YOUR OWN LIFE by erica jong, although not memoir, loved puma years as well, and small fry by steve’s job’s daughter whose name i don’t have handy. glass castle too.

My first recommendation from your post title would be Roots and Sky by Christie Purifoy. She has a magical way of writing the every day life. I love her essays!

This is an incredibly lovely list of books … I wanted to read them all!

And there ya have it. My TBR list just got even longer. Love all the recommendations in the post as well as the comments!

I am not normally a reader of memoir. However, I picked up What We Carry based on your recommendation. I devoured it in two days. It was an absolute gem!

I’m thrilled to hear it!

Read 4 of them! Listening to The Book of Delights proper now. Should have acknowledged you have been the one to advise it!

All four of Madeline L’Engle’s Crosswick Journals books would fit nicely into this category. While each chapter is not a standalone essay, the stories are decidedly about her everyday life-writing, raising children, falling in love, marriage, dealing with aging parents, grief. It sounds heavy but she makes her books enjoyable and easy to read.

I wanted to thank you for introducing me to memoirs via audiobooks. I thought I could not listen to audiobooks because they were difficult to follow. Anne suggested Colin Jost’s memoir and I am hooked! I look forward to this new audiobook journey thanks to this community.

The sound of Gravel by Ruth Warniner

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• Memoirs are the most personal account of nonfiction events.
• They give readers an engaging narrative that navigates historical hardships or personal triumph.
• The memoirs in this list were chosen for their unique stories and writing style.

Memoirs are hugely popular as readers gravitate towards the personal lens of real events, with the best ones almost reading like fiction. These remarkable, sometimes tragic, always inspirational stories bring us into the lives of people we've never met, giving us a wider understanding of humanity and of the promise one life can hold. 

Each memoir on this list was chosen because it had a unique story with the potential to change how we understand the world. Some follow celebrities and others are a glimpse into the life of someone we probably never would have known. Capturing a human experience within the pages of a book is often raw and emotional, but so many of the memoirs in this list are also funny and highly entertaining. I'm thrilled to share with you my memoir recommendations because I feel these stories demand to be heard.

A formerly anonymous account of an infamous assault

"Know My Name" by Chanel Miller, free with Audible trial, $11.99 on Kindle, $16.20 for paperback

This is the best, most painful, most powerful memoir I have ever had the pleasure to read. I often go into books with no expectations of the author or the plot, so when the first chapters of this book introduced me to Chanel Miller and her story, I was floored. We've heard the name "Brock Turner" over and over, a convicted sexual assailant hailed for his swim records while an anonymous woman's letter circulated the internet. With the publication of this book, Chanel's words beg us to know her name and her story. 

Memorable quote: "It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do."

An anecdotal Asian American essay collection

"Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning" by Cathy Park Hong, free with Audible trial, $13.99 on Kindle, $15.98 for paperback

"Minor Feelings" is an essay collection on what it means to experience racial stereotyping, historical trauma, and societal invalidation as an Asian American. This is an honest, original, and representative storytelling of identity and culture in a society where one of the most diverse demographics is often reduced to "the preferred minority." Especially with the recent rise of violence against Asian Americans , this is a crucial read, among many , to understand the ignorance and racism endured by Cathy Park Hong and so many others. 

Memorable quote: "Asian Americans inhabit a purgatorial status: neither white enough nor black enough, unmentioned in most conversations about racial identity.

Michelle Obama's wise and reflective life story

"Becoming" by Michelle Obama, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $11.89 for hardcover

There's something for everyone in "Becoming," no matter your political view or opinion of the Obama family. Michelle's life story is one of challenge and promise, hope, and perseverance. Her book begins with her childhood, through meeting Barack at a law firm, and continues all the way through her time in the White House. Her anecdotes and advice overflow with inspiration, empathy, and patience. Besides being absolutely delightful and refreshing, Michelle Obama's memoir further demonstrates why she's become such an icon for young women to become confident and inspiring women themselves. 

Memorable quote: "At fifty-four, I am still in progress, and I hope that I always will be."

A grief-stricken memoir

"The Men We Reaped" by Jesmyn Ward, free with Audible trial, $10.04 on Kindle, $11.56 for hardcover

Jesmyn Ward (the author of " Sing, Unburied, Sing ") has lived through a lot of death, losing five men in her life in four years. She struggled with the "why" of it all until the answer became clear: though each man died of different causes, they all came back to racial and economic struggles. There is a lot of grief in her story as she navigates the statistics of racial poverty and their personalized effect on her, her family, and her community. 

Memorable quote: "We tried to outpace the thing that chased us, that said: You are nothing."

A series of wildly entertaining restaurant adventures

"Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain, free with Audible trial, $12.60 on Kindle, $17.84 for hardcover

Hailed as an iconic chef, traveler, and journalist, Anthony Bourdain's memoir is a trip through all the hilariously bad behavior in the back of every great restaurant. Bourdain held nothing back in his storytelling, exposing the hidden and often dirty secrets to which anyone who has ever worked in a kitchen can attest. His words are that of a seasoned professional, a voice empty of arrogance but full of endearment for the often chaotic nature of the industry.

Memorable quote: "Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride."

The story of one woman's improbable success

"Educated" by Tara Westover, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $13 for hardcover

Tara came from a Mormon, survivalist mountain family; her father's fears of the end of the world dictated that the children would never receive an education, proper medical attention, or even have birth certificates. When she was accepted to Brigham Young University after spending years teaching herself math and grammar, her life became driven by her thirst for knowledge. Tara writes with poise, patience, and wisdom that radiates through her pursuit of self-identity, going beyond trauma and towards a balance between forgiveness from where she came and passion for where she's going. 

Memorable quote: "'You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them,' she says now. 'You can miss a person every day, and still be glad that they are no longer in your life.'"

The fierce account of an unstoppable young woman

"I Am Malala" by Malala Yousafazi, free with Audible trial, $9.99 on Kindle, $8.30 for hardcover

On October 9, 2012, Malala Yousafazi was shot in the head while riding the bus home from school, having tirelessly fought for her right to an education. Malala has since become famous for her human rights advocacy, specifically for Pakistani women, and is the youngest woman to receive a Nobel Peace Prize. Her memoir is the story of the fight for freedom against seemingly impossible odds — about being a daughter in a world that values only sons, and speaking up even when everyone is trying to keep you quiet. 

Memorable quote: " We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced."

The contemplative work of a terminally ill neurosurgeon

"When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi" free with Audible trial, $9.99 on Kindle, $14.64 for hardcover

What makes a life worth living? At 36, Paul Kalanithi was a life-saving neurosurgeon whose career came to a halt as he was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. Now a patient confronting his own mortality and seeking a broader understanding of this life , Paul digs into all of life's great questions as his own slips away. He lost his battle with cancer while writing this memoir, leaving much for us to think about as we continue on.

Memorable quote: "There is a moment, a cusp, when the sum of gathered experience is worn down by the details of living. We are never so wise as when we live in this moment."

A collection of personal essays on mental illness

"The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays" by Esmé Weijun Wang, free with Audible trial, $9.99 on Kindle, $12.53 for hardcover

By combining research in her personal essays, Esmé Weijun Wang explores schizophrenia both in her own mind and through the lens of our society as we struggle to understand and care for mental illness. The book begins with a technical explanation of schizoaffective disorders and their effects, providing a necessary perspective on which her memoir is based. Her stories are extremely important, a candid telling of exceptionally personal experiences in a world where she and her diagnosis are frequently misunderstood.

Memorable quote: "I tell myself that if I must live with a slippery mind, I want to know how to tether it too."

A father's letter to his son

"Between The World And Me" by Ta-Nehisi Coates, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $14.99 for hardcover

Told in the form of a letter to his son, Ta-Nehisi Coates attempts to answer the biggest questions he's encountered in his life about race, America's history, and how to protect his son from an unforgiving world. The story is profoundly raw and real, one that combines our history with the current political climate and will undoubtedly be hailed for years to come. 

Memorable quote: "You are growing into consciousness, and my wish for you is that you feel no need to constrict yourself to make other people comfortable."

A painfully honest story of getting lost in order to be found

"Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail" by Cheryl Strayed, free with Audible trial, $11.99 on Kindle, $16.53 for hardcover

Cheryl Strayed had almost zero hiking experience and no real training when she decided to embark on the Pacific Crest Trail which spans from the Mojave Desert to Washington State. Four years prior, her mother's death spurred a whirlwind of addiction, anger, and heartbreak that pushed her to the point of giving up. The story of her hike is a brutal and honest one. But in order to find herself again, Cheryl needs to come to terms with her mistakes — a journey into which she welcomes us in the form of this book. 

Memorable quote: "How wild it was, to let it be."

One woman's journey from refugee to Congresswoman

"This Is What America Looks Like" by Ilhan Omar, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $16.59 for hardcover

Ilhan was one of seven children being raised by her father and grandfather when her family fled Somalia and found themselves in a refugee camp in Kenya. Surrounded by poverty, starvation, and death, it took four years for her family to reach Virginia. Determined to find her American Dream, Ilhan worked through every hardship to her election to Congress in 2019. Her memoir is an incredible account of Ilhan's determination to not only survive but thrive in environments that could have broken her. It is uniquely eye-opening and transparent, a look into her endurance through the impossible.

Memorable quote: "As a refugee who fled civil war as a child, I am still trying to figure out where I fit in — which is perhaps why the most important note I found sticking to the wall outside my office had only three words. You belong here."

A narrative of incarceration and justice

"Just Mercy" by Bryan Stevenson, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $9.11 for paperback

Bryan was a young lawyer in Alabama when he founded the "Equal Justice Initiative" — a law office committed to defending prisoners wrongly convicted, too poor to afford proper representation, or those not given a fair trial. This memoir focuses on the early days of the firm and one of the first clients, Walter McMillian, a Black man wrongly convicted of murder. If you don't know much about the mass incarceration or racial inequality in America's justice system, this is a great place to start. 

Memorable quote: "Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done."

A memoir that will make you feel alright, alright, alright

"Greenlights" by Matthew McConaughey, free with Audible trial, $14.99 on Kindle, $16.95 for hardcover

"Greenlights" is a memoir that radiates with McConaughey's iconic country-boy coolness through the printed words about life lessons, patience, "catching greenlights" and the wisdom that the "yellows and reds eventually turn green, too." Matthew McConaughey's novel reads like an old friend sitting down with you on the front porch as the sun sets on a summer night — it's supremely warm and comfortable, full of wisdom collected from nearly 50 years of Matthew's diaries.

Memorable quote: "Stepping in shit is inevitable, so let's either see it as good luck, or figure out how to do it less often."

An inside look at a rising political figure

"Shortest Way Home: One Mayor's Challenge and a Model for America's Future" by Pete Buttigieg, free with Audible trial, free on Kindle for Prime members, $15.77 for hardcover

At 29, Pete Buttigieg was the youngest elected mayor in the nation and held a vision to revitalize South Bend, Indiana. In recent years, he has emerged onto the national political stage for his unparalleled successes, even holding his mayoral position when he deployed to Afghanistan as an officer in the Navy. His memoir is authentic, endearing, and optimistic. It's also a great way to learn more about Buttigieg's policies, accomplishments, and aspirations for the future of our country. 

Memorable quote: "A river is made drop by drop."

A composition of a noteworthy Supreme Court Justice

"My Own Words" by Ruth Bader Ginsburg, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $9.18 for paperback

This is a collection of RBG's writings and speeches, with each chapter given an introduction to provide historical context. It spans a wide range of topics, from feminism to the inner workings of the Supreme Court. A combination of legal decisions, advice from her mother, and stories of her strides towards gender equality make for a lasting memoir of a woman whose legacy endures.

Memorable quote: "When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one's ability to persuade."

A memoir for a YA audience

"All Boys Aren't Blue" by George M. Johnson, free with Audible trial, $10.99 on Kindle, $14.10 for hardcover

Told in a series of essays, this memoir annotates the struggles of queer, Black boys and men in our society. For some readers, it's a reassurance that there is a place in this world for us to be uniquely ourselves and thrive despite setbacks. For others, it's a call to be the ally that could save a person's life. George M. Johnson's essays address tough subjects like toxic masculinity, consent, and questioning one's gender identity in an accessible way. The book is geared towards a young adult audience, making it a great outlet to explore gender, sexuality, and race by fostering supportive environments and open conversations. 

Memorable quote: "The first person you are ever an activist for is yourself. If I wasn't gonna fight for me, who else was?"

A raw account of the long journey to loving oneself

"Over The Top" by Jonathan Van Ness, free with Audible trial, $11.99 on Kindle, $12.90 for paperback

I absolutely adore "Queer Eye" and Jonathan Van Ness's radiance, encouragement, and clearly genuine love for those around him. I picked up his memoir thinking it would be fun and light, but Jonathan also opens up about some hidden hardships like bullying, trauma, and addiction. Every bit of JVN's sparkling personality shines through his memoir, a demonstration of how bright and shiny we can become.

Memorable quote: "As scary as this can be I want you to know no matter how broken you feel, and how seemingly unlikely it is, we are never too broken to heal."

The dark years of an American musician's childhood

"Hollywood Park" by Mikel Jollett, free with Audible trial, $14.99 on Kindle, $14.74 for paperback

Mikel Jollett was born into the Church of Synanon, one of the country's most infamous cults. By cult law, Mikel was taken from his mother at six months old and raised in their "school," finally escaping years later with his mother and brother. This is the poetic yet painful story of a life both in and out of the cult, peppered with addiction, trauma, and abuse. Ultimately, this memoir is a testament to strength and love. The beginning is told through the perspective of a child, enduring the cruelties of the cult, but the voice morphs as Mikel escapes and begins to experience and understand the world more. 

Memorable quote: "How long can you live with ghosts before deciding to become one?"

The childhood account of an iconic American poet

"I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou, free with Audible trial, $6.99 on Kindle, $15.49 for paperback

This is a precious and painful memoir of a woman who shaped poetry and literature and is an idol to so many today. It spans Maya Angelou's childhood, addressing the abuse she endured and letting other women know they are not alone. This book, which has been banned in many schools and libraries, tells the story of how words saved Maya's life.

Memorable quote: "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

The story of strained yet unconditional familial love

"The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $7.09 for paperback

Jeannette Walls spent much of her life hiding the secrets of her nomadic and deeply dysfunctional childhood. One of four children born to wanderer parents, Jeannette's family found themselves settling down in a mining town in Virginia once their money ran out. The dysfunction escalated as her father used destructive means to try and escape the confines of "normal" life, leaving the children desperate for escape. This memoir spent over 440 weeks on the "New York Times" Bestseller list, a balance of bright successes and dark childhood hardships. It's interesting to feel Jeannette's withstanding love for her family, even as we the readers resent them more and more.

Memorable quote: "You should never hate anyone, even your worst enemies. Everyone has something good about them. You have to find the redeeming quality and love the person for that."

One woman's notable spiritual journey

"Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, free with Audible trial, $13.99 on Kindle, $15.67 for hardcover

"Eat, Pray, Love" has become such an undeniable classic in the 14 years since its publication. For a while, it had the reputation of the favorite amongst Mom Book Clubs, but Elizabeth Gilbert's pursuit of fulfillment in every aspect of her life is one we all might need. At 30, Elizabeth Gilbert hit an early mid-life crisis as she found herself deeply unhappy in a textbook-perfect life. The memoir follows her yearlong journey around the world after quitting her job, selling all her belongings, and setting off on a spiritual expedition. 

Memorable quote: "This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."

Barack Obama's newest memoir

"A Promised Land" by Barack Obama, free with Audible trial, $17.99 on Kindle, $23.23 for hardcover

I will admit, I'm still in the middle of reading this memoir and I am savoring it for as long as I can. Obama's work fills me with the warmth of nostalgia, even as I'm reading through some of the hardest days of his presidency. His intimate account of the events we saw plastered against the news for years is fiercely engaging, paired with the ease of writing as smooth as his voice. One of a series of future presidential memoirs by him, this one is captivating for the insight of a firsthand experience and the perspective gained in the years since his time in office. 

Memorable quote: "Either you seize what may turn out to be the only chance you have, or you decide you're willing to live with the knowledge that the chance has passed you by."

A uniquely illustrated memoir

"The Fire Never Goes Out" by Noelle Stevenson, $9.99 on Kindle, $12.99 for paperback

A compilation of personal essays and mini-comics, Noelle's memoir is that of the roller coaster of a creative life. This one is for every reader with a creative side who understands the highs and lows of creating art. The memoir spans about eight years. so it's really interesting to see her work morph, pivot, and grow over the course of the book. We've all heard "a picture is worth a thousand words" but I was still surprised at how revealing her artwork was through her transformative young adult years. 

Memorable quote: "Love your younger self, and let them die."

A harrowing holocaust account

"Night" by Elie Wiesel, free with Audible trial, $7.46 for paperback

This memoir is not for the faint of heart. It does not tiptoe around the atrocities of the Holocaust or cushion the horrors within the confines of a concentration camp. T his is Elie's story as his family was taken from their home in 1944 and detained in Auschwitz. It is a short read that will transport you to the center of the pain, the abuse, and the murder of the Holocaust. 

Memorable quote: "To forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time."

Sylvia Plath's vivid journal entries

"The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath," free with Audible trial, $9.99 on Kindle, $15.49 for paperback

Sylvia Path's journals were first published in 1982, though heavily abridged. This memoir is a compilation of the complete, unedited, and remarkably introspective journal entries of the last 12 years of Sylvia's life until her death at age 30. Her writing is intriguing and intimate and I often had to remind myself of her age — my perception was completely skewed by the maturity in her thoughts. If you ever loved her poetry or "The Bell Jar," this is one to pick up. 

Memorable quote:  "I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life."

Stephen King's advice and anecdotes

"On Writing" by Stephen King, free with Audible trial, $12.99 on Kindle, $14.56 for paperback

Both memoir and mentorship, "On Writing" is a must-read for any aspiring writer, Stephen King-lover, or storyteller. The stories about his life are largely entertaining, dating back to his love for books as a young child all the way through his prominent writing career. The advice and inspiration in his memoir are profound, with so many quotable moments you'll cling to long after you've finished the book. 

Memorable quote: "The scariest moment is always just before you start."

Nelson Mandela's incredible story

"Long Walk to Freedom" by Nelson Mandela, free with Audible trial, $11.99 on Kindle, $23.01 for paperback

When I was given Nelson Mandela's over- 700-page memoir, I was intimidated (to say the least). I'd known the most famous parts of his life — from his imprisonment to him receiving the Nobel Peace Prize — but this memoir blew me away with just how instrumental and powerful his work was. The writing is clear and direct, leaving his life lessons and personal experience to speak for themselves.

Memorable quote: "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." 

An account of healing through non-traditional therapy

"Group: How One Therapist And A Circle of Strangers Saved My Life" by Christine Tate, free with Audible trial, $13.99 on Kindle, $14.49 for paperback

In her memoir about the saving grace of strangers, Christie Tate was a law student when dark thoughts led her to seek therapy and her therapist led her to a psychotherapy group. It's easy to find the dark humor in this memoir and get lost in the problems of complete strangers while happily ignoring our own (at least for a little while). Christie finds a deeper connection and a sense of intimacy with this group of strangers as they discuss sex, childhood, and destructive habits. It's a fantastic normalization of non-traditional therapy practices and a story that's simultaneously entertaining and comically uncomfortable.

Memorable quote: "If you're serious about getting into intimate relationships — becoming a real person, as you said — you need to feel every feeling you've been stifling since you were a kid. The loneliness, the anxiety, the anger, the terror."

An inspirational, gender-focused memoir

"Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story" by Jacob Tobia, free with Audible trial, $9.99 on Kindle, $26 for hardcover

I will absolutely never forget the day I wore purple lipstick for the first time and just happened to meet Jacob Tobia, who told me they loved the shade and asked where I got it. This tiny but affirming interaction between strangers is a testament to the kindness that radiates from Jacob everywhere they go — and in their memoir. Labeled "sissy" at a young age, Jacob grew to power a gender revolution alongside transgender, non-binary, and other gender-nonconforming folks. Their book is extremely vulnerable which allows us to take part in their journey and think about gender in ways we haven't before.

Memorable quote:  "I'm sharing this with you because I want you to understand that telling a boy not to wear a dress is an act of spiritual murder."

The story of two famous podcast hosts

"Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered" by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark, free with Audible trial, $9.99 on Kindle, $26 for hardcover

"My Favorite Murder: is one of the most popular true-crime murder podcasts out there. Since 2016, Karen and Georgia have sat down and swapped well-researched murder stories, telling them for the first time during recording so their reactions are real and hysterical. We've gotten to know these two through their podcast, but their memoir gives a more genuine look into the backstories behind their best advice to not get murdered (my personal favorite being "F** politeness.") Their writing is each reflective and witty, no matter how difficult the subject. 

Memorable quote: "We barely get any time on this planet. Do not spend it pleasing other people."

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How to Write a Memoir: 7 Ways to Tell a Powerful Story

by Brooke Warner | Sep 4, 2023

Whether you curl up with memoirs on a frequent basis or pick one up every now and again, you know powerful memoirs have the capacity to take readers for an exhilarating ride.

While all memoirs are different, the best ones have certain elements in common. Knowing what makes a memoir compelling and riveting is key when sitting down to craft your own.

When I teach people how to write a memoir, we talk about how to tell a compelling story.

Table of contents.

In this article, we’ll review some common memoir elements so you can weave them into your own work. Before we start, let’s define memoir.

What is Memoir?

Memoir is not an autobiography. In other words, it is not the story of your whole life. Memoir is a slice of life, a story of part of your life or a story from your life.

The scope of memoir will vary depending on the subject matter, but more often than not, aspiring memoirists come to the page with too much story that needs to be pared down . One way to do that is to get clear about your themes. Memoir is often reined in by the writer knowing what her themes are and writing each scene while holding two questions in mind:

• How does this scene relate to my theme?
• What sense am I trying to make of my story through writing this scene?

Memoir is about creating understanding, making sense of your story so that others can relate. Memoir is not “what happened,” because unless you’re famous, what happened to you in your life is not what will draw readers to the page. What draws readers is the subject matter (surviving a trauma, trying to live by the tenets of self-help books, living in prison) or the theme (addiction, parent-child relationships, repeating family patterns, identity). 

A memoir that lacks an author’s effort to extract meaning from their story is usually a slow read. A reader may find themselves wondering what’s the point? If there’s nothing in the story for the reader, the memoir is lacking reflection and takeaway, which are two key elements that are unique to memoir.  

The Write Life has teamed up with Self-Publishing School to create a training called, Writing and Publishing Your Life Story. In it, you’ll learn the three core elements of memorable memoirs. Click here to sign up for this free workshop .

How to Write a Memoir

If you’re planning to write a memoir, your goal should be to take your readers on a journey they won’t forget. Here are seven tips for how to write a memoir.

1. Narrow Your Focus

Your memoir should be written as if the entire book is a snapshot of a theme or two from your lived experience. Consider a pie, where your life represents the whole pie, and you are writing a book about a teeny-tiny sliver.

Since your memoir is not an autobiography, you can figure out your themes by making a timeline of your life. In the classes I teach, we call these “turning points” and it’s a valuable exercise to discover where the juice is, to sort out where to focus and where you might have the most to extract from your story. You want your readers to walk away knowing you, and a particular experience you lived through, on a much deeper level, but also to apply their own understanding of their own experiences to your story.

Perhaps you are familiar with Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt. This memoir focuses on Frank’s life as a child growing up in Ireland. Angela is his mother, and much of the storyline focuses on the mother-son relationship, and how Frank saw her, as well as the role of outside forces like alcoholism, loss, and trauma on their entire family.

2. Include More than Just Your Story

Even as you narrow your focus, we also need to think bigger in our writing pursuits.

For example, if Kamala Harris wrote a memoir about being a wife and stepmother while pursuing her career, she would pull in tidbits about how she juggled these roles when she had such a big job and big ambitions. She would let us into the intimate moments, including fights she might have had with her husband over the impossible kind of balance women in power who also have families face.  

Likewise, if Madonna was writing a memoir about reinventing herself after 20 years away from the public spotlight, she most likely would include what it felt like to return to the music scene and how she continued to travel and perform while raising her children.

How does this apply to you? Imagine you are writing a memoir about your three-week trek through the Himalayan Mountains. While the focus would be on your trip, as well as what you learned about yourself along the way, you would be wise to also include other details about the place, the people your experience, and what you learned not only about yourself, but about human nature and the wider world.

You could describe the geography and history of the area, share interesting snippets about the people and animals you interacted with, and discuss your exploration of the meaning of it all as you progressed along your arduous journey.

Your readers want to know about you , but also about what got you to this place to begin with. What prompted the trek? What is your backstory? What did you learn about yourself along the way? It’s these kinds of vivid details and astute observations that make for a powerful memoir.

3. Tell the Truth

One of the best tips for how to write a powerful memoir is to be honest and genuine. This is often tricky because we don’t want to hurt or upset the people (our family and friends!) we’ve written into our books. But it’s important that you mine for the truth of your story—even if it makes your journey as an author more difficult.

When Shannon Hernandez wrote her memoir , Breaking the Silence: My Final Forty Days as a Public School Teacher , she knew she had a major dilemma: “If I opted to tell the whole truth, I would pretty much ensure I would never get a job with New York City Public Schools again.”

But she also knew teachers, parents and administrators needed to hear why great teachers are leaving education in droves and why the current educational system is not doing what’s best for our nation’s kids.

“I wrote my book with brutal honesty and it has paid off with my readers. It’s bringing national attention to what is happening behind closed school doors.” Shannon Hernandez

One more note on honesty: Memoirs explore the concept of truth as seen through your eyes . Never write in a snarky manner or with a bitter tone. The motivation for writing a memoir shouldn’t be to exact revenge, whine, or seek forgiveness; it should simply be to share an experience that readers can relate to.

Don’t exaggerate or bend the truth in your memoir. If you find you can’t remember, that’s alright. You can write composite scenes. You can lean into what “would have been true,” insofar as the details—your mother would have worn a particular style of dress, your best friend would have been chewing her favorite gum, your brother would have yelled something like the insult you decide to write.

You don’t need to fabricate or embellish, but you also didn’t live your life with a tape recorder strapped to your belt, so memoir is all about recreating what happened while honoring the emotional truth of your story.

4. Put Your Readers in Your Shoes

Powerful writers show, not tell . And for a memoir writer, this is essential to your success, because you must invite your reader into your perspective so she can draw her own conclusions.

The best way to do this is to unfold the story before your reader’s eyes by using vivid language that helps your reader visualize each scene . Mary Karr, author of three memoirs and the book, The Art of Memoir , writes that you must zip the reader into your skin. Another way to think of it is to imagine you’re carrying an old-school camcorder on your shoulder as you guide your reader through the scenes of your life. You want to place your reader right there next to you, or better yet, inside of your experiences. 

Perhaps you want to explain that your aunt was a “raging alcoholic.” If you say this directly, your description will likely come across as judgmental and critical.

Instead, paint a picture for your audience so they come to this conclusion on their own. You might write something like this:

“Vodka bottles littered her bedroom, and I had learned the hard way not to knock on her door until well after noon. Most days she didn’t emerge into our living quarters until closer to sunset, and I would read her facial expression to gauge whether or not I should inquire about money—just so I could eat one meal before bedtime.”

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5. Employ Elements of Fiction to Bring Your Story to Life

Think of the people in memoirs as characters. A great memoir pulls you into their lives: what they struggle with, what they are successful at, and what they wonder about.

Many of the best memoir writers focus on a few key characteristics of their characters , allowing the reader to get to know each one in depth. Your readers must be able to feel emotions about your characters—love or hate or something in between.  

To bring your characters alive, bring details like the characters’ tone of voice, how they talk, their body language and movements, and their style of speech. Read other memoirs to get a sense of how writers introduce place and setting into their stories through their characters—their accents, their behaviors, their shared values.  

While your memoir is a true story, employing elements of fiction can make it far more powerful and enjoyable for your readers, and one point of craft is learning how to create strong characters your readers will feel like they know.

6. Create an Emotional Journey

Don’t aim to knock your readers’ socks off. Knock off their pants, shirt, shoes, and underwear too! Leave your readers with their mouths open in awe, or laughing hysterically, or crying tears of sympathy and sadness—or all three.

Take them on an emotional journey that motivates them to read the next chapter, wonder about you well after they finish the last page, and tell their friends and colleagues about your book. The best way to evoke these feelings in your readers is to connect your emotions, as the protagonist, with pivotal reflections and takeaways about the happening throughout your narrative arc.

Most of us are familiar with the narrative arc . In school, our teachers used to draw a “mountain” and once we reached the precipice, we were to fill in the climatic point of the book or story. Your memoir is no different: You need to create enough tension to shape your overall story, as well as each individual chapter, with that narrative arc.

In Children of the Land by Marcelo Hernandez Garcia, we witness a boy growing up undocumented in the United States, the child of parents who crossed him over the US-Mexico border when he was just five years old. You’ll never find Marcelo telling us he was sad, angry, or devastated. 

Instead, he writes of his disappointment after his mother didn’t get her green card:

“It’s okay, mijo, we tried,” Ama said to me as I drove her to church one day. “Yeah, Amá, we tried, I said, hoping that between each of our admissions, at least one of us would actually believe it was worth it. Marcelo Hernandez Garcia

Or of his fear when ICE raids his childhood home: 

We stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do. The inner urge to flee was replaced with paralyzed submission—we were cemented in place. In that moment, if anyone wished to do so, they could have walked through the door, commanded us to cut ourselves open, and we would have probably listened.  Macelo Hernandez Garcia

7. Showcase Your Personal Growth

By the end of your memoir, you need to have shown growth or change or transformation of yourself, the protagonist of your story.  

Whatever experiences you had throughout your book will carry more weight when you show how they affected you along your journey, and how you grew and changed as a result of what you lived through, or what you survived. How did what you went through change your approach to life? Change how you thought about others or yourself? Help you become a better or wiser person in some way?

This is often the hardest part of writing a memoir because it requires introspection—sometimes in the form of hindsight, certainly in the form of self-reflection. It requires you sometimes to write with an understanding that your character might not have known then —at the age you were. This is why it’s so important to learn how to weave in reflections that don’t break the fictive dream.

You don’t want to constantly interrupt your narrative with asides, like:

• “Now I understand… ”
• “I still wish my mother had treated me better … ”

Instead, allow for the reflection to exist almost as if it’s an omniscient knowing, because in many ways it is. No one knows your story better than you—and you’re allowed, throughout your story—to extract meaning and apply understanding. Not only are you allowed, the genre demands it.  

If you make meaning from your story, your readers will find meaning in your story too.

Memoir Examples as Inspiration

Let’s look at a few memoir examples .

We broke these into three categories of memoirs, those that can help us learn about structure, theme and takeaway. Each of these are essential elements of the genre.

Examples of Memoirs that Use an Effective Structure

Although you’ll hear from memoirists who didn’t use an outline, or who prefer a process over a structured experience, most memoirists can benefit from having a structure in place before they start writing.

The most straightforward memoirs are those that start at point A and end at point B, moving the reader along in linear time.

Some examples include coming-of-age memoirs, like Kiese Laymon’s Heavy or Daisy Hernandez’s A Cup of Water Under My Bed , or memoirs that are narrowly focused, like Lori Gottleib’s Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, or Jennifer Pastiloff’s On Being Human .

Then there are framed memoirs, like Dani Shapiro’s Inheritance which chronicles the A to B linear journey of finding out that the father who raised her was not her biological father, making use of flashback and memory to piece together the front story of what’s happening as she figures out the truth of who she really is. Wild by Cheryl Strayed, is another famous framed memoir, because the A to B story is her trek along the Pacific Crest Trail, but the use of flashback and memory has her constantly leaving the front story and entering into the backstory to give context for why she’s on this journey in the first place. 

There are also thematic memoirs, like Terese Marie Mailhot’s Heart Berries , which focuses on themes of identity and trauma and its impact on her and her family, but reaches more broadly into the experience of being Native American. 

Examples of Thematic Memoirs

Thematic memoirs abound typically sell better than other memoirs because they’re what the industry calls “high-concept,” meaning that they’re easy for buyers and readers to wrap their minds around.

Countless categories of memoir point to big-picture themes: addiction and recovery ; parenting ; travel ; cooking; coming-of-age; dysfunctional family; religious experience; death and dying ; divorce; and more.

Your theme (or sometimes themes) infuses every chapter you write, and it/they can be quite nuanced. For instance, a theme might be healing through running.

Once you identify your theme, you must always keep sight of it. I liken this to wearing a pair of tinted glasses. If you put on glasses with purple lenses, you can still see the entirety of the world around you, but you will never forget that you’re wearing the glasses because everything you look at is tinted purple.

The same should be true with good memoir: introduce the reader to your world, but keep your memoir contained and on point by keeping your principal (and sometimes secondary) themes front and center.

Single-issue memoirs about things like addiction, body image, or illness — including books like Hunger: A Memoir of (My Body) by Roxane Gay;  Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood by Koren Zailckas; Sick: A Memoir by Porochista Khakpour; or Laura M. Flynn’s Swallow the Ocean: A Memoir , about growing up with a mentally unwell parent are all great examples. 

For travel memoirs, or food memoirs, or memoirs of leaving home, check out books like The Expedition by Chris Fagan; or A Tiger in the Kitchen by Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan; or Blood, Bones, and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton.

Examples of Memoirs with Strong Takeaways

Takeaway is your gift to the reader. It’s a message, reflection, or truism.

Sometimes these fall at the end of scenes or the end of chapters, but that’s not always necessary. Takeaway can happen at any moment, when the author shares something heartfelt, universal, and true.

It’s those moments in reading memoir that hit you hard because you can relate—even if you haven’t had the exact experience the author is describing.

Understanding takeaway is a long process, and some authors, when they first start thinking about takeaway, make the mistake of being too overt or trying too hard.

These are subtle moments of observation about the world around you, a wrapping up of an experience through a lesson learned or the sharing of the way something impacted you. The idea is to sprinkle these moments into your chapters, without overwhelming or spoon-feeding your reader.

Good writers do this so seamlessly you don’t even realize it happened, except that you feel like he or she has burst your heart, or crushed you with the weight of their insight. You feel like you know the author because it’s as if she’s speaking directly to you.

Good takeaway is, in fact, mirroring. It’s a way of relaying that we are not alone and the world is a crazy place, isn’t it?

But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one’s life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favorite foundation? And then to do it again the next day? Of course, no one can live like this forever. Elizabeth Gilbert

Not all reflective passages have to be questions, but you can see that this technique is effective. Gilbert is ruminating over the life she’s living, but which she cannot maintain; in her experience—through the vantage point of her American understanding of the world—it’s not possible, and undoubtedly 99% of her readers agree.

We all know what it feels like to be saddled by the burdens of everyday life. Gilbert’s readers would feel this passage on a visceral level, even if they’d never before been to Italy, because everyone understands the longing that’s wrapped up in allowing yourself to just let down. And that’s what makes this a takeaway; it’s a universal connection to the reader.

Now get out there and write!

When you follow these examples and these seven guidelines for writing your memoir, you will captivate your audience and leave them begging for more.

But more importantly, you will share your own authentic story with the world.

Ready to learn more about sharing your story with the world?

This is an updated version of a story that was previously published. We update our posts as often as possible to ensure they’re useful for our readers.

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Memoir coach and author Marion Roach

Welcome to The Memoir Project, the portal to your writing life.

How to Write A Memoir in Essays

Sorting the Stories — Memoir as Essay Collection

by Linda Styles Berkery

When I told a friend that I was taking a memoir-writing class, she replied, “Your life just isn’t that interesting.” Obviously she was thinking autobiography , not understanding memoir . I ignored her comment and continued to write about the small threads of wisdom I’ve learned.

After many edits, additions, and subtractions, I had built a wardrobe. I had a collection of fourteen personal essays—each one told through the lens of a dress. A Little Black Dress —learning compassion as illustrated by growing up in a funeral home. Memory Gown —naming mistakes as illustrated by a trip to the ER. Red Mini —seeing individuals as illustrated by teaching third grade. Ordinary dresses can bring out profound lessons.

Since all the writing pieces were in essay format, I adjusted Marion Roach Smith’s famous writing math, It’s about X as illustrated by Y to be told in a Z , and made a chart. To my Z factor, (essays) I added color and noted the dress: a turquoise paisley print, a navy maternity dress, an orange Hawaiian muumuu, a yellow sundress from 1941, a blue velvet jumper.

Each essay could stand alone, yet a book kept coming to mind. It was not enough to say I have a collection of “dress stories” of different length and various moods. I had more work to do. Although my structure would not be typical of a book length memoir (Act 1, Act 2, Act 3), even memoir as an essay collection must have an overall arc—a roof overhead, not just dress threads running through. Yes, memoir can be an essay collection, but it still needs structure and order.

I printed each story individually and laid them across my living room carpet. I knew which essay to put first and which would be last, but the other twelve? Originally I was tempted to group them. These three relate to my father’s WWII stories—put them together. Two had childhood dresses. My husband was mentioned in this group. But nothing really worked until my wonderful editor, Robyn Ringler, passed along tips she had learned from her own writing coach.

“Mix them up,” Robyn suggested. “Vary the word count. Don’t try to force the order, but pay attention to the emotions and lessons in the stories. Then, after you collect everything in the order you think might work, read the last paragraph of one story and the first paragraph of the following story and see if that works. You might need to do that process a few times.”

Robyn was right. I did arrange the essays a few times. But since these were, after all, dress stories, I got creative. If I had a photo of the dress, or a scrap of material from the dress, I stapled it to the printed page. Clearing a closet rod, I hung each essay from fourteen skirt hangers and started arranging them for a book. (Don’t try this at home.) I moved them and moved them until I could see a lovely rainbow arc for the entire collection.

When I was finally comfortable with the flow, I released my dress stories from their hangers and returned to the computer to cut and paste the individual essays into one long document. More edits. Moving paragraphs. Breaking up stories into parts. Adding just a bit more here and there. Writing an introduction and a final note to the reader. Two years after I wrote the first “dress story” for a memoir class, the book was published as Reflections: A Wardrobe of Life Lessons. Memoir, like a classic great dress, never goes out of style.

From the Introduction:

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

—Helen Hayes

At ten, I wasn’t the moody middle child wanting to be noticed, as much as the one who always seemed to notice. I was the sorter of stories, the keeper of traditions. Reaching up, or out, or down, I saw invisible threads that joined people together. I still do. Now, at seventy, I’m connecting more strands. And dresses are coaching my memory.

Three hard white suitcases live under my bed. I yank out the middle one and plop it on the blue star quilt. I’m not loading it up for a trip; it’s already full. I know what’s inside: dresses, scraps of fabric from dresses, and old photos. Clicking on the double locks feels like opening a black box of flight recordings. Messages vibrate from crinkles and creases, stains and frills. Memories rise from cotton, velvet, and silk—fibers from my journey through life.

Wisdom remains on the fold of one dress. I smooth a wrinkle and kindness appears. When I trace my pinky over white lace, I remember letting go. Hope is in there too, along with judgment, loss, compassion, forgiveness…a wardrobe of memories just waiting to be unpacked. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” I agree. But sometimes a life lesson can also be worn as a dress.

  Excerpt from a middle essay:  Navy Maternity

My first maternity outfit was a long-sleeved navy blue dress from Sears that I bought for my father’s wake and funeral. I wore it again on Father’s Day and then buried it under the lilac bush in my childhood backyard, watering the ground with my tears. The words from a homily echoed in my head. Ritualize where you are now . That’s what I was doing—dressing a wound by burying a dress…

The moment I stepped out of that dress, I felt different. Lighter. Aware. I was carrying a new life—had been all along—but now I could finally breathe. I glanced in the mirror and saw myself as a mother-to-be. I shoved the dress in the bag and tossed it in the car. The dress was easy to remove, but not the grief. Shifting my focus to new life, I decided to take one small step.

The following week, on my final day of teaching elementary school, I drove to my childhood home only two blocks away. I pulled the navy maternity dress from the white plastic bag. My mother was at work. But I didn’t need her. I knew where my father’s garden tools were kept. I grabbed a shovel and began digging in the dirt near the lilac bush—Dad’s favorite bush. It didn’t take long to scoop a hole big enough to bury a death dress…

Excerpt from the final essay: Dressing for a Reunion

At the Hyatt Regency Hotel near Dulles Airport, I’m wearing the same tri-colored dress that I wore for my 50 th  high school reunion in 2016—it’s mostly blue, with bands of black and white. I call it my past-present-future dress. The dress is making an encore appearance in 2017 at a different reunion tonight.  Can it really be called a reunion if we’ve never met?  My husband tells me to hurry. We exit the elevator and enter a full dining room. The celebration begins.

Arms reach across the table to shake my hand. A shoulder nudges close. I feel a tap on my back. Legs move toward me. Fingers clasp. Another arm extends around my waist. Then hugs, so many embraces and tears. I am aware of my middle-ness. I am a quiet middle child, in the middle of a loud story. I am in the middle of history, in the middle of generations, in the middle of Danish fishermen and American flyers. I’m standing in the middle of memory and expectation because I did what middle children do best—I made connections…

Author’s bio: Linda Styles Berkery holds an M.A. from Russell Sage College. Linda taught third grade, led retreats and worked in parish ministry. Her writings on faith/life have been published in various magazines, blogs and books. Her new book is Reflections: A Wardrobe of Life Lessons. 

HOW TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK I hope you enjoy Writing Lessons. Featuring well-published writers of our favorite genre, each installment takes on one short topic addressing how to write memoir. It’s my way of saying thanks for coming by. Love the author featured above? Did you learn something in the how-to? Then you’ve got to read the book. And you can. I am giving away one copy, and all you have to do to win is leave a comment below about something you learned from the writing lesson or the excerpt. I’ll draw winners at random (using the tool at random dot org) after entries close at midnight on May 15, 2019. Good luck!

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Related posts:

• Writing Lessons: Picking Small Topics To Write About
• Writing Lessons: Finding Time to Write
• Writing Lessons: How to Write About A Difficult Subject, by Bette Lynch Husted

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Reader interactions.

Amy Laundrie says

April 14, 2019 at 7:37 am

I found this extremely helpful. I’m a columnist for “The Wisconsin Dells Events” and am searching for a way to connect my “Slice of Life” columns into a second memoir. My first, “Laugh, Cry, Reflect: Stories From a Joyful Heart” includes pieces on nature, my pet ducklings, antidotes about my teaching career, and family stories. I appreciate the tips on how memoirists should make sure the last paragraph of one piece ties in with the first paragraph of the next and I think using dresses as a uniting metaphor was brilliant. I’m eager to read your book.

April 14, 2019 at 10:50 am

Dear Amy, I appreciate your kind words. I had a lot of fun using dresses as a thread through the essays. I would love to read your own slices of life columns. Marion has helped all of us go small. Linda

Susan Davies says

April 14, 2019 at 8:05 am

I love this concept! I have been so stuck in my writing, feeling overwhelmed. I had contemplated this approach but was so unsure….this lesson just gave me that push! Wish me luck! Thank you for your lessons! I enjoy them so much!

April 14, 2019 at 10:54 am

Susan, This is great news. I found all the writing lessons to be so helpful in my own work and I am honored that sharing my experience can help nudge you today. It is so good to give back. My editor, Robyn Ringler shared these tips from her own writing teacher so we are helping each other to gain movement. Linda

Laura McKowen says

April 14, 2019 at 8:09 am

Your content is so very helpful, Marion. About nine months ago, I read your book, and then I was on one of your calls. What I learned helped me focus, organize, and finish my manuscript for my first book, a memoir about sobriety. I sent it to my publisher last week. :) Thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 10:57 am

Marion’s content has always been so helpful to me too. Congratulations on completing your story.

David Sofi says

April 14, 2019 at 8:10 am

Excellent lesson and piece by Ms. Berkery. Especially resonating was the bit about Robyn’s advice from her writing coach. I will have that posted on my Writing Wall. I also tingled with her modification of The Algorithm (That is my personal emphasis of Marion’s lesson, it is so insightful and meaningful.)

Linda Berkery says

April 14, 2019 at 8:31 am

Marion’s writing math made each essay possible and I held it in mind throughout the entire book. Robyn RIngler’s advice pulled the entire collection together. Thank you for your comments.

Careen says

April 14, 2019 at 8:14 am

I want this book! Not only for its content, but because it illustrates the principles Marion puts forth.

April 14, 2019 at 11:34 am

Careen, I hope you continue to find help from the writing lessons and the wisdom from Marion. I surely did. Linda

Ginger Hudock says

April 14, 2019 at 8:16 am

This was wonderful post! The book would be something I could relate to because my age (61) and the metaphor of dresses. This is a great and doable way to structure a book as a series of essays. It seems much more doable for me. I am comfortable writing blog posts and magazine articles, but the thought of a long book is overwhelming sometimes.

April 14, 2019 at 11:01 am

Ginger, I am with you on the thoughts of a long book. It seemed too much for me. I was so happy to find that a series of essays was a reachable goal and Marion gave good feedback when I shared that I was attempting to do just that – she reminded me that I still needed an overall arc in order to print them together as a book. I hope you continue.

April 14, 2019 at 8:30 am

Breaking up the writing into smaller, more manageable pieces seems to tame the bigger writing project, sticking to the algorithm in each section. I loved seeing the process of finding the structure of the book, which is my biggest challenge.

April 14, 2019 at 11:40 am

Dear Beth, Smaller pieces worked so well for this collection. And yes, with each essay I made sure to follow the writing math. I kept asking myself what is this about ? Although told through the lens of a dress, it wasn’t about the dress… it was about a universal theme. Thank you for your thoughts. Linda

April 14, 2019 at 8:35 am

I can’t tell you how often I used Marion’s book and notes from her course as I was completing this book. Such good advice.

Elizabeth says

April 14, 2019 at 8:38 am

I flipped through my closet in my mind – many ideas there for essays, including the ban on trousers for women in my high school in the sixties, and the godawful bloomers for gym class. Thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 11:09 am

Oh Elizabeth, Our minds must run similar. There is a story about those gym “dresses” from my first P E class at Russell Sage College. And oh yes, a mini dress from my teaching days, when women were not allowed to wear pants, but COULD wear a mini dress three inches above the knees. Keep flipping through your closet in your mind. Clothing is so rich to draw out the memoir essays. Thank you for your post. Linda

Ruth Crates says

April 14, 2019 at 8:59 am

I continue to look for a way to write my memoirs. Essays might be a good fit for me. I love how Linda used an unlikely subject…. dresses – to relate her life experiences. If I don’t win the book, I will buy it…I loved the exerpt about burying her grief. We can all relate to that.

April 14, 2019 at 4:30 pm

Dear Ruth, I do hope that you will continue to write memoir. I found that essays were a perfect length. Mine ranged from about 800 to 1200 words in the book. Some had several parts but each one could be read alone which helped me continue. I am happy whenever someone considers the book, the proceeds are going to assist a local thrift store, called ReStyle, from Unity House in Troy. When we have some book signings we are also inviting readers to donate a gently used dress. So my unlikely thread of dresses is really being put to good use. Linda

April 14, 2019 at 4:34 pm

Isn’t it amazing how an idea can take off in so many directions! A wonderful way to help others.

April 14, 2019 at 4:40 pm

If you are in the Albany-Troy area look for several benefit book signings on the Facebook page: Reflections: A Wardrobe of Life Lessons

Cynthia C says

April 14, 2019 at 9:04 am

Incredibly helpful hearing about the writing process! I love reading how these authors make decisions about how the final product will look.

April 14, 2019 at 4:36 pm

Cynthia, I always loved reading the writing lessons from Marion’s posts. I was fascinated with the whole process of structure. Linda

Cassandra Hamilton says

April 14, 2019 at 9:41 am

Great post. I appreciate Linda Styles Berkery sharing her process. By breaking her subject into essays she was able to work ideas in smaller sections. I like how when she focused on the larger piece, the book, she turned to a visceral and visual method: hanging up her essays, each represented by a dress, to sort and rearrange until she felt they were right. I would think the photos of the dresses also evoked in her thoughts and feelings and helped her to pack her writing with vivid descriptions. I’m inspired with her process and how she cleverly teased us with snippets of her new work. Thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 4:44 pm

Dear Cassandra, Thanks for your comments. You are right about the visual part. It really helped me to organize the flow of the essays and the overall arc of the book. (And at one point when I realized that I didn’t have a green dress – it brought up a life lesson from an old memoir of a green gym dress!) Linda

Cheryl Hilderbrand says

April 14, 2019 at 10:08 am

Since the excerpts offered here resonated so strongly, I can’t wait to read the rest of the book. Is it just women our age who grew up with dresses who are so emotionally connected to fabric, and tucks, and gathers? A quilt made from childhood dresses keeps me warm, but I worry that I should put it away so that it’s scrapbook, memory-spurring nature can be preserved. The advice from Ms. Berkery’s editor was something I needed to hear . Thank you Marion, Linda, and Robyn.

April 14, 2019 at 4:49 pm

Dear Cheryl, I do think that dresses meant a lot more to us than they do to the next generation. My own adult daughters rarely wear dresses, but they still have emotional and memories attached to clothing. My husband saved his race t-shirts and had them made into a quilt! He no longer runs, only walks due to an injury, but that quilt hangs over his couch reminding him of all those races. Robyn Ringler’s insights (my editor for the book) were so valuable in getting this collection to print. I am glad to pass her advice along. Linda

Jen Chambers says

April 14, 2019 at 10:17 am

I find this very helpful- it solidifies a concept that I’ve been working on for some time of using essays as memoir in my own work. Using a literal thread to hold the narrative together made a great metaphor here. I am intrigued by the structural ideas and hope to get the book!

April 14, 2019 at 5:18 pm

Dear Jen, Thank you for your comments. I hope you continue to use essays as memoir. It really helped me to keep going.. I could focus on one essay at a time. Indeed I kept them in separate folders on my computer until I recognized how to make “dress stories” into a literary closet collection. Best regards,’ Linda

Debbie Morris says

April 14, 2019 at 10:28 am

I’ve had an idea brewing for years now, and this style has opened up a completely new way to join them yet keep them separate. I thoroughly enjoy the teachings here as well as that wonderfully inspiring sampling of essays. I feel energized, thank you!

April 14, 2019 at 6:03 pm

Dear Debbie, Thanks for the comments. I hope this idea keeps brewing and maybe finds a similar outlet. Linda

Barbara Womack says

April 14, 2019 at 10:38 am

I love this concept and have been inspired to use a similar approach in my own (somewhat stalled) writing.

I can’t wait to read this book!

April 14, 2019 at 6:06 pm

Dear Barbara, I am glad to hear about your writing. I wish you well on the journey and am happy that you found this approach to be helpful. Linda

Ann Hutton says

April 14, 2019 at 10:44 am

Excellent! I’m sharing this with a memoir writing group I facilitate. Meanwhile, I call out a “Yes!” to visually laying out your pages to really SEE what you’ve got and how it might fit together. Once I taped 260 pages to three walls in an empty office in order to look at the structure of a memoir manuscript. That’s when I realized that I did indeed have a beginning, middle, and ending! And looking for repetitions or other glaring mistakes was easier this way, rather than trying to read through pages on a computer screen.

Many thanks!

LInda Berkery says

April 14, 2019 at 6:11 pm

Dear Ann, Wow that must have been some wall sight! Yes, I think we sometimes need a visual way to keep us moving forward. Glad that worked for you and thank you for the comments. Best to your writing group. If you send me a personal message on Facebook page for the book. I will send you my “chart” with all the essays. My editor used that page for a talk she was giving on memoir writing. Linda

Merrie Skaggs says

April 14, 2019 at 10:49 am

Linda’s wardrobe structure is brilliant. I learned that I might be able to include an essay I wrote about my dad in my memoir. Also, Linda’s words spoke to me on several levels, or with various threads as she might say. I am still in the unraveling stage of my memoir writing and relish the connections since I am a Marion disciple, have seen my 70th birthday, and taught third grade. I learned much from your charming writing and the lessons you shared. Thank you, Linda, and thank you to our guru Marion. I’m not going to wait to win your book; I plan to buy it, read it, and learn from it now. “. . .bury a death dress. . .” My heart strings are still vibrating.

Linda Styles Berkery says

April 14, 2019 at 11:13 am

Dear Merrie, I am so happy to meet another over 70 writer of memoir. My father’s journey through his WWII experience rescued in the North Sea by Danish fishermen and as a POW is another thread through the collection. The proceeds from this book are also being used to help ReStyle, the thrift store run by Unity House in Troy, NY – my hometown. So buying the book supports a great cause. Thank you. Linda

Carol Gyzander says

April 14, 2019 at 11:00 am

I love the connecting device of the dresses! The first essay excerpt was interesting, but then I found myself curious about how it would be used in the next…and the next…

April 14, 2019 at 4:53 pm

Carol, I am so glad that you found yourself curious about the dresses used and the lessons they told. Sometimes I found myself pondering how a certain dress or saved piece of fabric could bring out so many memoires. What was going on? – You start writing and then you find more and more life experiences coloring the page. Linda

Jan Duffy says

April 14, 2019 at 11:15 am

Thank you Marion for another excellent post. The idea of basing a series of personal essays on a collection of dresses is so good. As I was reading the excerpts I felt as though I was Linda’s alter ego, experiencing every emotion that she did. Good work, I hope I can be as successful in my writing endeavors.

marion says

April 14, 2019 at 2:31 pm

Dear Jan, You are most welcome. Isn’t this a lovely, helpful post? Linda did an excellent job with this and with the book. I am delighted to see you here. Please come back soon. Best, Marion

Thank you Jan and Marion for your kind remarks. Several readers have commented that they felt they were standing right with me as they read. So we touched universal topics – close to our hearts. Linda

Karen Elizabeth Lee says

April 14, 2019 at 11:42 am

Thank you for writing this piece. I have been struggling with structure for my memoir for almost a year! writing short pieces as that is how it seems to be unfolding but then questioning myself – “Is this the right or acceptable format?” “Can I do it this way?” Your insight gives me the courage to follow this path – the essay path – to see where it will lead me! thank you.

April 14, 2019 at 4:57 pm

Dear Karen, I never started out to write a book or a collection. I just began with one essay of a brown plaid dress – a short piece for a writing assignment. I casually remarked, “I could probably write a lot more essays through the lens of a dress…” and I received such encouragement to continue. See where the short pieces lead you. Perhaps you have a collection rather than a traditional memoir book. Blessings for your good work. I am happy that this piece could encourage you. Linda

Cheryl A Kesling says

April 14, 2019 at 2:19 pm

Thank you, Linda, for sharing your story. I’m a 72-year-old struggling writer working on a memoir since 2014. It seems life keeps flying in front of me to the point of building a wall too high to see over. I’ve journaled, keeping track of unimaginable tragic moments and survival. I’ve written words on paper for a critique group but never seems to hit the mark, or at least to my satisfaction. Maybe I’m too hard on myself. Your memoir essay structure is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time but I know that each essay needs a reason or a lesson learned, and that is been my problem. Knowing what lessons I’ve learned is hard to put on paper when one holds back emotions. I’m sure reading your book would be helpful. Maybe making a chart as you did from Marion’s math and color coding for different periods ( as told in a Z- the essay) and using one metaphorical object to push the essays along is the answer for me as well. Thank you again.

April 14, 2019 at 5:06 pm

Dear Cheryl, Thank you for your heartfelt comments. Some essays (lessons) needed space and time before I could write about them. We all tend to be hard on ourselves. Keep writing. and Keep journaling. I found that going back to journals and circling some key memoires allowed me to move toward an essay. But journal writing is different than writing for print and I had to allow some pieces to stay in a journal and not try to force them to be an essay. But making the chart using X, Y, and Z was the most important formula I learned from Marion.

Etty Indriati says

April 14, 2019 at 3:11 pm

I love the excerpt of Linda’s book as it reflects the “what it is about” in Marion’s online course The Memoir Project that I took; and Linda cleverly wrote her book into chapters of personal essays. It makes me want to read the whole book! It is also inspires me to not giving up writing a memoir.

April 14, 2019 at 5:09 pm

Dear Etty, Marion’s outline is a wonderful way to start. I hope you can read the whole book and please don’t give up writing memoir in whatever form it takes. I think reflecting through writing is a blessing. Thank you for the comments. Linda

iliana says

April 14, 2019 at 7:23 pm

Linda, thanks so much for sharing aspects of your writing process! Cut and paste, and I really mean printing the pages, cutting where needed and rearranging, gluing them on another blank page, was my graduate advisor’s way of writing and editing articles, reports and proposals. That’s how I wrote my thesis too, hands on, feeling it. Looking at a dress as a metaphor, so clever! Looking forward to reading your book :)

April 14, 2019 at 7:36 pm

Seems like I did something like that old fashioned cut and paste on my TYPED thesis back in the day. Thanks for your kind remarks. Linda

KRISTA L RUSKIN says

April 14, 2019 at 7:28 pm

OMG. I’ve been struggling with not having lived “an important life” and yet wanting to write a memoir for my kids. My father died when I was 31. I often wished I had received more lessons from him and had them for my kids. In recording my own, 20 years later, on the upside of my life lessons, I’m hoping they see the possibilities for their lives even in The dark days. The idea of writing bits and and pieces of varying length and letting them tell me how to structure the book is liberating. Thank you!

April 15, 2019 at 9:00 pm

Dear Krista, I am happy that you can see your life as memoir worthy as it surely is. My father died when I was 26 and yet his influence is strongly felt in this collection. I wish you all the best for your writing. Linda

Lisa Sonora says

April 15, 2019 at 8:43 am

So many take aways here!

I haven’t read all of the comments, but skimmed, so hope to offer something not shared yet.

First, that you ignored your friends comment about writing about your life.

Then… using Marion’s algorithm for each of the essays (described in the second paragraph) —brilliant!

I too, am a student of Marion, and have been so STUCK on trying to figure out the algorithm for my memoir.

Your piece gave me the idea to look closer at the individual pieces within the book and trying to name what those are really about.

I just love the image of you hanging up your essays like dressed in the wardrobe, and laughed out loud at “don’t try this at home”. Because, yeah, I would try that at home — it make sense to give the writing some physical form that relates to the subject to help see it differently.

Congrats on the publication of your book, Lynda — I cannot wait to read it!

April 15, 2019 at 9:07 pm

Dear Lisa, Thank you for such great comments. Yes, hanging up those dress stories was crazy but a fun way to really see them in place. And it was wonderfully refreshing too. We often need to trust our own instincts sometimes more than the voices of dear but sometimes bossy friends! Best to you for your own writing. Linda

Cathy Baker says

April 15, 2019 at 8:47 am

I love everything about this post as I’m working on a book with mini-memoirs on our building my future writing studio, Tiny House on the Hill. After reading this post, I might consider having fewer chapters with a higher word count. I always learn so much from you, Marion, as well as those you coach. Thank you!

April 15, 2019 at 9:09 pm

I love the idea of mini-memoirs! Great! Thanks for your comments. I have also learned so much from Marion and her writing posts. Linda

Tammy Roth says

April 15, 2019 at 11:51 am

I’m always looking for clever ideas of arranging memoir topics and this is just brilliant. Thank you for sharing the process.

April 15, 2019 at 9:14 pm

Dear Tammy, Arranging those memoir essays was made easier using Robyn’s advice along with Marion’s wisdom. I was honored to share the process with so many interesting writers. Thank you for your comments. Linda

April 16, 2019 at 8:35 pm

Oh my! This came at the most perfect time. I am trying to write a memoir and it keeps running through my mind that I should try doing it in essays. I lost my son to suicide, so it’s about grief, hope, and faith. I loved what Robyn shared with you about connecting the last paragraph of one to the beginning of the next. The excerpts are wonderful. I can’t wait to read the book. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

April 16, 2019 at 9:01 pm

Dear Faith, I am glad that Robyn ‘s idea might help you find your way through a collection of essays. She suggested the last paragraph and the first one should flow for the reader but they can still stand alone as individual essays. I wish you blessings in your writing. Linda

Naomi Johnson says

April 16, 2019 at 10:51 pm

I LOVED the wonderful advice from her editor, while she was still working out the overarching structure: “pay attention to the emotions and lessons in the stories . . .. Then . . . read the last paragraph of one story and the first paragraph of the following story and see if that works.”

Lovely, indeed!

April 17, 2019 at 7:00 pm

Thank you for your comments. Robyn Ringler and Marion offer such valuable suggestions. And I am grateful. Linda

Melanie says

April 17, 2019 at 2:49 pm

I’m in the process of structuring my next book now. I was right there, with descriptions of white suitcases containing “…fabrics from my journey through life.” I could hear the crinkle of crinoline, and I was reminded of one of my absolute favorite couplets by Joni Mitchell: “Everything comes and goes, marked by lovers and styles of clothes…” As I enjoyed all the other places the piece had taken me, I asked myself, “Do I have milestones (like these dresses) that mark the milestones of my life?” And I realized, I DO! I am a songwriter, so of COURSE, every milestone has a song! Thanks, Marion & Linda for such beautiful and inspiring work.

April 17, 2019 at 5:23 pm

You are most welcome, Melanie. Please come back soon. Best, Marion

April 17, 2019 at 7:06 pm

Thank you for your comments and the great quote! Love it. And nice for me too as my maiden name was Styles. I am glad that you found yourself asking questions about your own milestones.

Teresa Reimer says

April 20, 2019 at 9:12 pm

What a wonderful idea to hang each story and it’s inspiration on a clothes hanger. Organization and expanding on the theme! Can’t get much better than that.

April 22, 2019 at 6:15 pm

Teresa Thanks for your comments. Yes it was definitely different but fun! Linda

Donna P says

April 29, 2019 at 11:36 am

Dear Linda,

Your ideas, along with Marion’s brilliant advice, strike a real chord with me. I, too, have been struggling with the concept of essays within a memoir. Due to health issues, I have not given my book as much attention lately. I’m going to paste this article to my forehead to keep it top of mind! Truly inspirational at a time when I really needed it. Thanks to you and to Marion. I will definitely buy the book.

April 29, 2019 at 12:34 pm

Dear Donna, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Marion’s advice really helped me stay focused on each individual essay. And I am so happy to know that sharing my experience making a collection of essays could help you move your own writing along. Best to you for your writing. Linda

Gail Gaspar says

Essays in the form of a wardrobe of dresses, yes. I am wondering if my memoir will take the form of essays unified by a theme (I adore metaphors) and you have illustrated how it can done. As a coach, I am happy you listened to your inner voice and not to the friend who remarked, “Your life just isn’t that interesting.” I appreciate how you show, don’t tell, about what each dress represents. The image of your dress stories hanging in your closet is an excellent reminder of how creative and expansive the writing process can be – when we allow it.

Laurie says

May 1, 2019 at 3:10 pm

Marion – This is my first visit to your blog and site. So much info! Thank you! I too am working on a memoir that right now is a collection of stories. This truly resonated with me as I am stuck as to how to pull them together into a book. Linda – your insights and suggestions couldn’t have been more on target. I have already printed them out and moved them about – but I think I need to write a few more – and then piece them together – reading the last para / first para – and adding bits as you suggested. I LOVED reading the excerpt of the book – what a wonderful way to tie the stories together by the dresses. As a writer – I loved that creative idea to tie it all together – and as a reader – each except you shared – I could apply to my own life and my own past closet of dresses! Well done! I would be tickled to win the book and read more!

May 1, 2019 at 5:47 pm

Dear Laurie, Thank you for your thoughtful remarks. Finding Marion’s blog and site is certainly a real gift. I was fortunate to take a class when she was teaching in Troy before everything went online. But look how many more people can be reached. I am delighted that you could relate to the dress stories and find memories arriving from your own closet. I loved making the book a collection/ wardrobe of stories. All the best to you with your own memoir. Linda

May 2, 2019 at 11:52 am

What a lovely way to seamlessly piece together a book! I’m in awe of your process and inspired by the concept! I’ve always struggled to let go of certain garments because of the memories associated with them. Now I understand why: Not only does each one offer a memory, but you’ve proven each one tells a story. I can’t wait to visit your story-closet and read more!

May 2, 2019 at 8:59 pm

Dear Susan, Thank you for your kind remarks. I hope you do visit my “story-closet” as well as peek at some life lessons from your own wardrobe. Linda

Maggie Yoest says

May 3, 2019 at 10:57 am

I am new to memoir writing and have been encouraged by Susan and Marion. Hopefully, as I stay with this, some of the fear will dissipate and the courage to share myself and my view will grow. Thank you both!

May 3, 2019 at 4:00 pm

Maggie, I hope you continue with memoir. Marion is a wonderful guide. Linda

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University of Iowa Press

The six-minute memoir.

This collection of short essays delivers more joy than many books twice its size. Culled from two decades’ worth of Mary Helen Stefaniak’s “Alive and Well” column in the Iowa Source , each essay invites readers into the ordinary life of a woman “with a family and friends and a job . . . and a series of cats and a history living in one old house after another at the turn of the twenty-first century in the middle of the Middle West.” One great aunt presides over nineteen acres of pecan grove profitably strewn with junk. A borrowed hammer rings with the sound of immortality. Famous poets pipe up where you least expect them. Living and dying are found to be two sides of the same remarkable coin.

What’s more, writing prompts at the end of the book invite readers to search their own lives for such moments—the kind that could be forgotten but instead are turned, by the gift of perspective and perfectly chosen detail, into treasure. The Six-Minute Memoir encourages people to tell their own stories even if they think they don’t have the kind of story that belongs in a memoir.

“ A treasure trove of marvels, the sort of book you want to wave around and buy for everyone you love. These brief, beguiling essays turn ordinary moments into extraordinary delights and take you along on the wild and bumbling adventures of a writer so witty and wise you will miss her like a dear friend when you close the book.”—Valerie Laken, author, Dream House

“The vignettes that make up The Six-Minute Memoir are quirky, engaging, and add up to a terrific evocation of life well-lived, of life joyfully and abundantly embraced (from bike riding as a kid to porridge with a swim club to house remodel miseries to travel stumbles in China). Never mind the inevitable foibles and sorrow, Mary Helen  Stefaniak’s stalwart midwestern take is reassuringly positive and utterly charming.”—Debra Gwartney, author, I am a Stranger Here Myself

“The Six-Minute Memoir is a great pointillistic painting of a book. Up close, you admire the detail inside each dot—a snowy night at the Drake, the troubling foundation of a 150-year-old house, a murky ultrasound of the heart—but when you stand back, taking in the whole of it, the bigger picture emerges: an oft-neglected region of the country, a family lineage, a writer’s life. Mary Helen Stefaniak has written an irresistibly likeable, slyly funny, and addictive memoir.”—John McNally, author, The Fear of Everything

“ The Six-Minute Memoir is so inviting, so insistently curious about so much, the essays sparkling and witty reminders that stepping briefly into the life of another to have a look can be both a joy and a relief.” —Scott Korb, director, Pacific University’s MFA in Writing program

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The Six-Minute Memoir: Fifty-Five Short Essays on Life (Bur Oak Book) Paperback – October 25, 2022

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• Print length 280 pages
• Language English
• Publisher University Of Iowa Press
• Publication date October 25, 2022
• Dimensions 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.5 inches
• ISBN-10 1609388518
• ISBN-13 978-1609388515
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• Publisher ‏ : ‎ University Of Iowa Press (October 25, 2022)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 280 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1609388518
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1609388515
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.8 ounces
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.5 inches
• #92 in Midwest U.S. Biographies
• #1,804 in Essays (Books)
• #16,475 in Memoirs (Books)

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What Is a Memoir? Definition, Usage, and Literary Examples

Memoir definition.

A  memoir  (MIM-wahr) is a literary form in which the author relates and reflects on experiences from their own life. Memoirs and  autobiographies  share many similarities, as both are types of self-written  biographies . But while an autobiography provides a comprehensive account of someone’s life, a memoir is a series of formative or notable memories or events that impacted the author in some way. Memoirs also focus on the author’s thoughts and feelings about those events, what they learned, and how they integrated the experiences into their life.

The term  memoir  comes from the early 15th century Anglo-French word  memorie , meaning “written record” or “something written to be kept in mind.”

The History of the Memoir Genre

The literary genre of memoir has been around since ancient times. One of the first prominent memoirs was  Commentaries on the Gallic Wars  by Julius Caesar, in which Caesar recounted his exploits fighting in the Gallic Wars. During the Middle Ages, historians Geoffrey of Villehardouin and Jean de Joinville and diplomat Philippe de Commines wrote notable memoirs. French princess Margaret of Valois was the first woman to write a modern memoir during this period.

Memoirs have been (and continue to be) a popular genre. Henry David Thoreau released  Walden  in 1854, recording his experiences living simply in the New England woods.  Out of Africa  (1937) recounts Isak Dinesen’s time attempting to start a coffee plantation in Kenya.  A Moveable Feast  (1964) is Ernest Hemingway’s account of his years as an American expatriate in Paris in the 1920s.  Travels with Charley: In Search of America  is a travel memoir by John Steinbeck, chronicling an epic road trip with his poodle. All of these have become classics of the genre.

The Elements of Memoirs

Nearly all memoirs contain six main elements that serve to communicate the story of the author’s life clearly and realistically to the reader.

An Emotional Journey

The memoirist goes through some type of emotional evolution over the course of their story, which helps readers identify with the author’s struggle. Cheryl Strayed’s  Wild  is about Strayed grieving the end of her marriage and the death of her mother, reflected in her challenging backpacking trip along the Pacific Crest Trail.

Obstacles are the things standing in the way of the author getting what they want or need. Overcoming obstacles builds tension within a story and keeps the reader turning the page.  Prozac Nation  by Elizabeth Wurtzel charts her struggle to conquer depression as a young woman in 1990s America. The obstacle of mental illness is further complicated by other, more mundane obstacles in Wurtzel’s life, like going to college, working her first professional job, and maintaining interpersonal relationships. Ultimately, Wurtzel doesn’t so much defeat her depression as she does manage it through medication and other supports.

• Point of View

Memoirs are always told in first person  point of view , using  I / me / my  language. This makes the story personal and the experiences subjective. In fact, objectivity is difficult to achieve in memoirs since the  narrative  is filtered through the author/subject’s  perspective . Author Steve Almond once said, “Memoirs are radically subjective versions of objective events.”

A memoir is tied together by a common topic, premise, or lesson. This theme is not the author’s life as a whole; if it is, then the book is an autobiography. A memoirist doesn’t set out to capture all the critical moments of a life—only those that have special significance. For instance, Anne Lamott’s  Bird by Bird  is a book of writing instructions connected by the larger theme of lessons Lamott has learned about life and faith.

Perhaps the most defining characteristic of any memoir or autobiography, truth is essential to telling a relatable story. Even in cases where an author had an epic, larger-than-life, or downright strange experience, the emotional truth of the described events must resonate with readers to some extent. Readers trust that a memoirist will tell the truth, and if the memoirist violates that trust, it can be scandalous at best and career-destroying at worst.

For example, after the publication of James Frey’s memoir  A Million Little Pieces , evidence emerged that Frey invented key parts of the story. The revelation rocked the literary world; his lack of honesty undermined what readers believe is an authorial responsibility to accurately tell a story, as well as the publisher’s duty to truthfully market their books.

Every memoirist writes their book in their own unique  voice . Voice is the style in which a writer writes: the way they convey their thoughts, their word choices and patterns, and their storytelling approach. A reader finishes a memoir with a distinct idea of the author’s voice in their head. For example, Carrie Fisher’s  Shockaholic  chronicles the actor’s affection for electroconvulsive therapy, which she feels saved her life multiple times over. Fisher blends her wisecracking sense of humor with a serious dedication to raising mental health awareness and helping others, resulting in a voice uniquely her own.

Memoir Styles

Memoirists can tell their stories in a number of ways. Framing devices are popular structures for memoirs, opening and closing with more recent events and, in between, going back in time to earlier events.

Many authors construct their memoirs as a series of anecdotes or short snapshots about their lives. This has been a popular approach in recent years with several notable essay collections receiving widespread attention and landing on bestseller lists. For instance, actors Anna Kendrick and Mindy Kaling released personal essay collections largely centered around their Hollywood experiences.

Famous people, however, are not the only ones who write successful memoirs. Ordinary folks often have just as, if not, more interesting stories to tell.  A Three Dog Life  by Abigail Thomas explores the author’s life after her husband suffers a traumatic brain injury;  Julie & Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously  charts Julie Powell’s attempts to cook all the recipes in Julia Child’s  Mastering the Art of French Cooking ; and  Running with Scissors  is about a very bizarre period in the childhood of writer Augusten Burroughs, in which his mother’s mentally unstable psychiatrist becomes Burroughs’s guardian.

Other common memoir subjects include addiction, mental illness, difficult childhoods, spiritual or religious quests, travelogues, and political careers.

The Function of Memoirs

A memoir gives an author an opportunity to share what they have learned from specific life experiences. Instead of recording every major life event, a memoir focuses on certain details around a central theme. This approach helps the author find clarity and meaning in their lives.

Memoirs also help readers gain insights, both into the lives of others and their own. Memoirs invite readers into someone else’s mind, and in doing so provide answers, a sense of humor, common ground, and/or interesting or unique stories that speak to life’s challenges or absurdities.

Notable Memoirists

• Sarah M. Bloom,  The Yellow House
• Charles M. Blow,  Fire Shut Up in My Bones
• Augusten Burroughs,  Running with Scissors ,  A Wolf at the Table
• Joan Didion,  The Year of Magical Thinking ,  Blue Nights
• Isak Dinesen,  Out of Africa ,  Shadows on the Grass
• Carrie Fisher,  Wishful Drinking ,  Shockaholic
• James Frey,  A Million Little Pieces
• Joy Harjo,  Crazy Brave
• Saeed Jones,  How We Fight for Our Lives
• Mary Karr,  The Liar’s Club ,  Cherry
• Frank McCourt,  Angela’s Ashes
• Patti Smith,  Just Kids ,  M Train

Examples of Memoirs

1. Elie Wiesel,  Night

Night  tells the story of Wiesel’s time in the Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps during World War II. The memoir opens with Wiesel and his family fleeing their small Transylvanian hometown before Nazis capture them. When they arrive at Auschwitz, the Nazis separate Wiesel and his father from his mother and sister. Grappling with his faith and fighting for survival, Wiesel must also care for his ailing father.

Eventually, the Nazis send them to other camps before the two ultimately arrive at Buchenwald. Wiesel’s father dies just before the Allies liberate the camp, and though Wiesel survives, the experience haunts him forever.  Night  is not only about his experiences but what those experiences taught him about humanity and forgiveness.

2. Joan Didion,  The Year of Magical Thinking

The Year of Magical Thinking  is Didion’s record of the first year of her life after the death of her husband, John Gregory Dunne. One evening, Dunne suddenly collapses, and Didion’s life is forever changed. She devotes the next year to analyzing his death, trying to make sense of it, while navigating the turbulent waters of her own grief. She relies on the power of words, medical and psychological research, and her own “magical thinking”—the false belief that her thoughts or actions will change the course of events—to get her through.

3. Roxane Gay,  Hunger

Hunger  is Gay’s memoir of her relationship with her body and food. This relationship is rooted in an early sexual trauma, and she subsequently turns to food as a means of protecting her vulnerable body from the world. She thinks that by overeating, she will make her body unappealing to men and thereby prevent another violation. Gay struggles with eating and her weight for many years afterward, and there is no easy resolution. She ultimately begins to embrace her own worth and understands that her value is not in any way connected to her size.

Further Resources on Memoir

In  The New Yorker , Stephanie Burt discusses  “Literary Style and the Lessons of the Memoir.”

A University of California, Berkeley, website delves into the  history of memoirs  and profiles a few notable contributions to the genre.

Pat McNees compiles several anecdotes about  voice in memoir .

Goodreads has a list of  popular memoirs .

Reader’s Digest put together a list of  17 Memoirs Everyone Should Read .

Related Terms

• Autobiography
• Frame Story

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How to Write a Memoir Essay

October 12, 2023

What is a Memoir Essay?

A memoir essay is a form of autobiographical writing that focuses on a specific aspect of the author’s life. Unlike a traditional autobiography, which typically covers the author’s entire life, a memoir essay hones in on a particular event, time period, or theme. It is a deeply personal and reflective piece that allows the writer to delve into their memories, thoughts, and emotions surrounding their chosen subject.

In a memoir essay, the author aims to not only recount the events that took place but also provide insight into the impact and meaning of those experiences. It is a unique opportunity for self-discovery and exploration, while also offering readers a glimpse into the author’s world. The beauty of a memoir essay lies in its ability to weave together personal anecdotes, vivid descriptions, and introspective reflections to create a compelling narrative.

Writing a memoir essay can be both challenging and rewarding. It requires careful selection of memories, thoughtful introspection, and skillful storytelling. The process allows the writer to make sense of their past, gain a deeper understanding of themselves, and share their unique story with others.

Choosing a Topic for Your Memoir Essay

Selecting the right topic is crucial to write a good memoir essay. It sets the foundation for what you will explore and reveal in your personal narrative. When choosing a topic, it’s essential to reflect on your significant life experiences and consider what stories or themes hold the most meaning for you.

One approach is to think about moments or events that have had a profound impact on your life. Consider times of triumph or adversity, moments of exploration or self-discovery, relationships that have shaped you, or challenges you have overcome. These experiences can provide a rich foundation for your memoir essay.

Another option is to focus on a specific theme or aspect of your life. You might explore topics such as identity, family dynamics, cultural heritage, career milestones, or personal beliefs. By centering your essay around a theme, you can weave together various memories and reflections to create a cohesive narrative.

It’s also important to consider your target audience. Who do you want to connect with through your memoir essay? Understanding your audience’s interests and experiences can help you choose a topic that will resonate with them.

Ultimately, the topic should be one that excites you and allows for introspection and self-discovery. Choose a topic that ignites your passion and offers a story worth sharing.

Possible Memoir Essay Topics

• Childhood Memories
• Family Dynamics
• Life-altering Events
• Overcoming Societal Expectations
• Love and Loss
• Self-discovery and Transformation
• Lessons from Nature
• Journey from Darkness to Light
• Triumphing Over Adversities
• Life’s Defining Moments

Outlining the Structure of Your Memoir Essay

Writing a memoir essay allows you to share your personal experiences, reflections, and insights with others. However, before you start pouring your thoughts onto the page, it’s essential to outline the structure of your essay. This not only provides a clear roadmap for your writing but also helps you maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative.

First, consider the opening. Begin with a captivating introduction that hooks the reader and establishes the theme or central message of your memoir. This is your chance to grab their attention and set the tone for the rest of the essay.

Next, move on to the body paragraphs. Divide your essay into sections that chronologically or thematically explore different aspects of your life or experiences. Use vivid descriptions, anecdotes, and dialogue to bring your memories to life. It’s crucial to maintain a logical flow and transition smoothly between different ideas or events.

As you approach the conclusion, summarize the key points you’ve discussed and reflect on the significance of your experiences. What lessons have you learned? How have you grown or changed as a result? Wrap up your memoir essay by leaving the reader with a memorable takeaway or a thought-provoking question.

Remember, the structure of your memoir essay should support your storytelling and allow for a genuine and authentic exploration of your experiences. By outlining your essay’s structure, you’ll have a solid foundation to create a compelling and impactful memoir that resonates with your readers.

How to Write an Introduction for Your Memoir Essay

The introduction of your memoir essay sets the stage for your story and captivates your readers from the very beginning. It is your opportunity to grab their attention, establish the tone, and introduce the central theme of your memoir.

To create a compelling introduction, consider starting with a hook that intrigues your readers. This can be a surprising fact, a thought-provoking question, or a vivid description that immediately draws them in. Your goal is to make them curious and interested in what you have to say.

Next, provide a brief overview of what your memoir essay will explore. Give your readers a glimpse into the key experiences or aspects of your life that you will be sharing. However, avoid giving away too much detail. Leave room for anticipation and curiosity to keep them engaged.

Additionally, consider how you want to establish the tone of your memoir. Will it be reflective, humorous, or nostalgic? Choose your words and phrasing carefully to convey the right emotions and set the right atmosphere for your story.

Finally, end your introduction with a clear and concise thesis statement. This statement should express the central theme or message that your memoir will convey. It serves as a roadmap for your essay and guides your readers in understanding the purpose and significance of your memoir.

By crafting a strong and captivating introduction for your memoir essay, you will draw readers in and make them eager to dive into the rich and personal journey that awaits them.

Write the Main Body of Your Memoir Essay

When developing the main body of your memoir essay, it’s essential to structure your thoughts and experiences in a clear and engaging manner. Here are some tips to help you effectively organize and develop the main body of your essay:

• Chronological Structure: Consider organizing your memoir essay in chronological order, following the sequence of events as they occurred in your life. This allows for a natural flow and a clear timeline that helps readers understand your personal journey.
• Thematic Structure: Alternatively, you can focus on specific themes or lessons that emerged from your experiences. This approach allows for a more focused exploration of different aspects of your life, even if they did not occur in a linear order.
• Use Vivid Details: Use sensory details, descriptive language, and engaging storytelling techniques to bring your memories to life. Transport your readers to the settings, evoke emotions, and create a vivid picture of the events and people in your life.
• Show, Don’t Tell: Instead of simply stating facts, show your readers the experiences through engaging storytelling. Use dialogue, scenes, and anecdotes to make your memoir more dynamic and immersive.
• Reflections and Insights: Share your reflections on the events and experiences in your memoir. Offer deeper insights, lessons learned, and personal growth that came from these moments. Invite readers to reflect on their own lives and connect with your journey.

By organizing your main body in a logical and engaging manner, using vivid details, and offering thoughtful reflections, you can write a compelling memoir essay that captivates your readers and leaves a lasting impact.

Reflecting on Lessons Learned in Your Memoir Essay

One of the powerful aspects of a memoir essay is the opportunity to reflect on the lessons learned from your personal experiences. These reflections provide deeper insights and meaning to your story, leaving a lasting impact on your readers. Here are some tips for effectively reflecting on lessons learned in your memoir essay:

• Summarize Key Points: In the conclusion of your essay, summarize the key events and experiences you have shared throughout your memoir. Briefly remind readers of the significant moments that shaped your journey.
• Identify Core Themes: Reflect on the core themes and messages that emerged from your experiences. What did you learn about resilience, love, identity, or perseverance? Identify the overarching lessons that you want to convey.
• Offer Personal Insights: Share your personal insights and reflections on how these lessons have influenced your life. Were there specific turning points or moments of epiphany? How have these experiences shaped your beliefs, values, or actions?
• Connect to the Reader: Make your reflections relatable to your readers. Explore how the lessons you learned can resonate with their own lives and experiences. This allows them to connect with your story on a deeper level.
• Offer a Call to Action: Encourage readers to reflect on their own lives and consider how the lessons from your memoir can apply to their own journeys. Pose thought-provoking questions or suggest actions they can take to apply these insights.

By reflecting on the lessons learned in your memoir essay, you give your readers a chance to contemplate their own lives and find inspiration in your personal growth. These reflections add depth and impact to your storytelling, making your memoir essay truly memorable.

Crafting a Strong Conclusion for Your Memoir Essay

The conclusion of your memoir essay is your final opportunity to leave a lasting impression on your readers. It is where you tie together the threads of your story and offer a sense of closure and reflection. Here are some tips to help you craft a strong conclusion for your memoir essay:

• Summarize the Journey: Remind your readers of the key moments and experiences you shared throughout your essay. Briefly summarize the significant events and emotions that shaped your personal journey.
• Revisit the Central Theme: Reiterate the central theme or message of your memoir. Emphasize the lessons learned, personal growth, or insights gained from your experiences. This helps reinforce the purpose and impact of your story.
• Reflect on Transformation: Reflect on how you have transformed as a result of the events and experiences you shared. Share the growth, self-discovery, or newfound perspectives that have shaped your life.
• Leave a Lasting Impression: Use powerful and evocative language to leave a lasting impact on your readers. Craft a memorable phrase or thought that lingers in their minds even after they finish reading your essay.
• Offer a Call to Action or Reflection: Encourage your readers to take action or reflect on their own lives. Pose thought-provoking questions, suggest further exploration, or challenge them to apply the lessons from your memoir to their own experiences.

By crafting a strong conclusion, you ensure that your memoir essay resonates with your readers long after they have finished reading it. It leaves them with a sense of closure, inspiration, and a deeper understanding of the transformative power of personal storytelling.

Editing and Proofreading Your Memoir Essay

Editing and proofreading are crucial steps in the writing process that can greatly enhance the quality and impact of your memoir essay. Here are some tips to help you effectively edit and proofread your work:

• Take a Break: After completing your initial draft, take a break before starting the editing process. This allows you to approach your essay with fresh eyes and a clear mind.
• Review for Structure and Flow: Read through your essay to ensure it has a logical structure and flows smoothly. Check that your paragraphs and sections transition seamlessly, guiding readers through your story.
• Trim and Refine: Eliminate any unnecessary or repetitive information. Trim down long sentences and paragraphs to make your writing concise and impactful. Consider the pacing and ensure that each word contributes to the overall story.
• Check for Clarity and Consistency: Ensure that your ideas and thoughts are expressed clearly. Identify any confusing or vague passages and revise them to improve clarity. Check for consistency in tense, tone, and voice throughout your essay.
• Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread your essay for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Pay attention to common mistakes such as subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and punctuation marks. Consider using spell-checking tools or having someone else review your work for an objective perspective.
• Seek Feedback: Share your memoir essay with a trusted friend, family member, or writing partner. Their feedback can provide valuable insights and help you identify areas for improvement.

By dedicating time to edit and proofread your memoir essay, you ensure that it is polished, coherent, and error-free. These final touches enhance the reader’s experience and allow your story to shine.

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Look Inside

Writing Life Stories

How To Make Memories Into Memoirs, Ideas Into Essays And Life Into Literature

By Bill Roorbach

Category: reference.

Jul 01, 2008 | ISBN 9781582975276 | 6 x 9 --> | ISBN 9781582975276 --> Buy

Jun 17, 2008 | ISBN 9781599634524 | ISBN 9781599634524 --> Buy

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About Writing Life Stories

How to Make Memories into Memoirs, Ideas into Essays, and Life into Literature From drawing a map of a remembered neighborhood to signing a form releasing yourself to take risks in your work, Roorbach offers innovative techniques that will trigger ideas for all writers. Writing Life Stories is a classic text that appears on countless creative nonfiction and composition syllabi the world over. This updated 10th anniversary edition gives you the same friendly instruction and stimulating exercises along with updated information on current memoir writing trends, ethics, internet research, and even marketing ideas. You’ll discover how to turn your untold life stories into vivid personal essays and riveting memoirs by learning to open up memory, access emotions, shape scenes from experience, develop characters, and research supporting details. This guide will teach you to see your life more clearly and show you why real stories are often the best ones.

About Bill Roorbach

Bill Roorbach, recent winner of an O. Henry Award, is the author of Big Bend, winner of the Flannery O’Connor Award; a novel, The Smallest Color; and a memoir, Summers with Juliet, among other books of nonfiction. His short work… More about Bill Roorbach

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Memoirs Are Powerful Currency for This Hmong American Writer

Kao Kalia Yang talks about her recently published memoir, “Where Rivers Part,” which is about her mother’s life.

By Maia Coleman

This article is also a weekly newsletter. Sign up for Race/Related here .

Stories are precious currency for Kao Kalia Yang, a Hmong American writer.

Yang was born in the Ban Vinai refugee camp in Thailand in the wake of the Vietnam War and the Laotian civil war. Growing up, she often found hope in the stories her grandmother recounted about life in Laos before the war — stories about highland villages where soaring birds cut silhouettes against the jagged mountainside and about family members she had never met.

These memories opened up the world for Yang, cementing a geographic and cultural identity beyond the bamboo huts of the camp.

“I had been trained in the form of the story at the feet of my elders,” she said in a recent interview. “It was just a matter of translation.”

Yang’s family was one of many who fled Laos after 1975, when the communist government took power. During the Vietnam War, the C.I.A. recruited the Hmong to join its fight against communism in Laos in a campaign now known as the “secret war.”

After America withdrew, the Hmong were persecuted for their involvement with the U.S., and many, including her family, fled to the jungles of Laos before escaping as refugees to Thailand and eventually being resettled in countries around the world.

The Yangs immigrated in 1987 to St. Paul, Minnesota, which today has one of the largest populations of diasporic Hmong in America.

As a child in the Midwest, Yang struggled to speak English and turned instead to writing, where the words flowed freely.

In her senior year at Carleton College, shortly after her the death of her grandmother, all the stories that had animated Yang’s childhood crystallized into something more tangible.

She began writing what would become her first book, “The Latehomecomer,” the first memoir by a Hmong American to receive national distribution. Written as a “love letter” to her grandmother, the memoir is the first in a trilogy about her family, and set in motion a pursuit that has guided Ms. Yang’s work since: to immortalize the stories of the Hmong, a people who have been underrepresented in literature and history.

The final memoir in that trilogy, “Where Rivers Part,” about her mother’s life, was published this month. Narrated from the first-person perspective of Yang’s mother, the book follows her from her childhood in 1960s Laos, through her escape and her marriage to Yang’s father and, finally, to the unfamiliar life she begins in the U.S.

Yang spoke to The New York Times about the book. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Why did you choose the memoir form to tell this story?

Memoir, in this country, has always been in the realm of the rich and the famous. We read memoirs to learn about the lives of illustrious people. I’m writing these memoirs about poor people, men and women who are often overlooked. In many ways, I hope that my body of work is democratizing the form and the genre.

I’ve always loved memoir because I live in the realm of memories. I was a kid born in a camp. I couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t read or write. Memoirs opened up my world in phenomenal ways, and it was always through memories. A piece of my heart wants to be able to do that for my readers.

I studied creative nonfiction writing at Columbia and read a lot of memoirs and nonfiction, but I read a lot about war. The depictions of war have always been mostly by white men. I wanted to add to that.

I’m Hmong. We’re pretty much absent from the history books. A long time ago our written language was taken from us, and so we’ve had to live only with the help of the oral tradition. I feel like I’ve been reunited with a tool and I want to use it to do as much good as I can.

How do you see this memoir fitting into your larger body of work?

In my head, in my heart, it was always going to be the closing story in the trilogy.

I wanted to do my mother’s story for a long time, in large part because my mother is so quiet and people often don’t understand her. They look at her and they see this refugee woman.

She’s this woman with incredible pride. In such an imperfect world, my mother is a perfectionist. That part of her is intact, even through all of this.

She married a man who lives somewhere in the ether of dreams. My mom is constantly holding the hard reality. She is the one who uses WIC vouchers at the grocery store and the one who disappears so that we can have Christmas because she’s gone to Toys for Tots.

I see so many other mothers like her in the world.

One of the central forces in the book is this invisible American hand that catalyzes so much of the conflict that the characters face. Who is the character of America in the memoir?

When I first became a writer, people said, “Aren’t you angry at America?” Anger, for me, is not a productive emotion. America, like so many other great world powers, has hurt lots of people. Many of them don’t have the power and the ability to speak the truth of history. But where else in the world can a young writer like me emerge? I was born in a refugee camp. I was given one of the best educations that money can buy. There are these publishers across the American landscape who say, “Do the work that your heart burns to do.” There are journalists like you who say, “Kalia, share your story.” There’s something here that’s intrinsically America.

So I don’t hate America, I don’t think my family hates America, but I think we understand what America has done.

In the book’s final section, your family returns to Laos and you describe this heartbreak that your mother feels revisiting a homeland that is no longer hers. What was the experience of finding a country that had changed?

I had no idea how many stories were waiting there. I somehow thought that we had left with the stories that would be ours.

For my mom, it was incredibly hard to realize that her brothers are no longer the same. The Hmong don’t live in the high mountains anymore. The politics are different. The dangers are different.

Here my parents are not American. There, in Laos, they’re so American, which is such an interesting dynamic.

How did that translate when you came back to America?

My mom said that the moment the plane landed in Chicago, she felt like she was home, like all of America was home.

Did that provide a resolution?

A dawning. A realization at how everyone looks at my parents. In the Twin Cities, they’re Hmong. Outside of the Twin Cities, they’re Asian. In Southeast Asia, they were Asian Americans.

Here, I’m a Minnesota author. The moment I leave Minnesota, I become an American author. Here, I’m Hmong American. The moment I leave Minnesota, I’m Asian American. The moment I leave America, everybody says, “You’re an American writer.” The ability to look at our lives again, to adventure to these places and to return allows us to see the scope of the journey.

My mom and dad both saw the scope of that journey.

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A Strange Life: Selected Essays of Louisa May Alcott

“I write for myself and strangers,” Gertrude Stein once announced. So, too, Louisa May Alcott, who wrote for herself as well as the strangers who have been reading Little Women since 1868, when it first appeared. For more than a century and a half, Little Women has inspired playwrights, composers, filmmakers, scholars, novelists, and of course countless young girls. Jane Smiley salutes those young girls—she was one of them—in her warmly appreciative preface to A Strange Life , Liz Rosenberg’s slim new collection of Alcott’s essays.

When she first encountered Little Women , Smiley realized that a book about girls was actually famous and that every library had it. Later it even seemed that the book had to be about Alcott’s own life. And since many others have felt the same way—with good reason—it’s not surprising that new biographies come down the pike every few years, intent on changing the negative view of Alcott best expressed by Henry James, who belittled her as “the Thackeray, the Trollope, of the nursery and the school-room.”

Martha Saxton’s feminist Louisa May: A Modern Biography (1977) and, more recently, biographies by Harriet Reisen, Susan Cheever, and Eve LaPlante, and by scholars such as John Matteson, have demonstrated that Alcott was much more than the author of what she self-deprecatingly called “moral pap for the young.” Rather, as a woman of imagination with considerable stylistic range, Alcott composed gothic tales, short stories, satires, fantasies, adult novels, poetry, memoirs, and essays in which she wrote of female independence and its costs in a restrictive domestic circle. She was also a prolific letter writer who converted into a tart prose style much of her anguish—and anger—at the circumstances in which she found herself, as a woman, as a dutiful daughter, as a second-class citizen, and, ironically, as a best-selling author who worked hard to maintain her popularity.

Rosenberg, the author of Scribbles, Sorrows, and Russet Leather Boots: The Life of Louisa May Alcott (2021), aimed at young readers, is thus not the first person to suggest that Alcott, and in particular her nonfiction, are worthy of serious attention. There’s also Elaine Showalter’s excellent selection of Alcott’s prose in Alternative Alcott (1988); there’s the Portable Louisa May Alcott (2000), edited by Elizabeth Lennox Keyser, and The Sketches of Louisa May Alcott (2001), collected by the Alcott specialist Gregory Eiselein, not to mention the superb selection of her nonfiction in one of the Alcott volumes published by the Library of America.

In A Strange Life , Rosenberg wisely includes Alcott’s best-known prose works—the excellent, slightly fictionalized memoir “Transcendental Wild Oats” and the exceptional (abridged) Hospital Sketches —and sets them alongside excerpts from her semiautobiographical nonfiction to show that her prose, as she explains in her introduction, “canters along; she covers great distances in the fewest words; there is no dilly-dallying.” Maybe so; what’s also true is that Alcott can write with unmistakable acerbity.

Rosenberg provides some biographical information on Alcott as well but unfortunately doesn’t explain why she chose certain pieces and not others, or why she arranged them in the order she did. Presumably the essay “Happy Women” (1868), her penultimate selection, is meant to present Alcott at her feminist best. True, it was written as a buck-me-up advice column for the unmarried woman, counseling her not to fear becoming an “old maid” since “the loss of liberty, happiness, and self respect is poorly repaid by the barren honor of being called ‘Mrs.’” In stock terms, Alcott advises, “Be true to yourselves; cherish whatever talent you possess, and in using it faithfully for the good of others, you will most assuredly find happiness for yourself.” But pieces that Rosenberg didn’t include, such as “Unofficial Incidents Overlooked by the Reporters” (1875), Alcott’s account of the centennial celebration in Concord, Massachusetts, have far more bite:

We had no place in the procession, but such women as wished to hear the oration were directed to meet in the Town Hall at half-past nine, and wait there until certain persons, detailed for the service, should come to lead them to the tent, where a limited number of seats had been reserved for the weaker vessels.

Rosenberg also reprints short excerpts from Alcott’s travel book, Shawl-Straps : An Account of a Trip to Europe (1872), but these selections—from the essays “Women of Brittany,” “The Flood in Rome,” and “Visit from a King”—are flat and predictable. And while she includes Alcott’s autobiographical sketch “My Boys,” a forgettable group of portraits intended mainly for young people and originally published in Aunt Jo’s Scrap-Bag (1872), Rosenberg fails to note that this was the first in a series of six Scrap-Bag books ( Shawl-Straps being the first), and that in them Alcott cleverly assumed the voice of Jo March Bhaer, from the best-selling Little Women —presumably to make money.

Despite the thinness of these sketches, they could be enriched if the reader knew the books from which they’re taken or more of the circumstances under which they were written. For Alcott worked obsessively to become a successful writer and, not coincidentally, her impoverished family’s breadwinner. Her father, Amos Bronson Alcott, was eccentric and impecunious—and lovable, as long as you weren’t related to him. A self-taught Connecticut peddler turned educator, Bronson for a time ran the progressive Temple School in Boston. But after he published Conversations with Children on the Gospels (1836–1837), in which he included allusions to sex and birth, scandalized Bostonians withdrew their children from the school, forcing it to close. His next venture was short-lived; he admitted a Black child to a new school and even his die-hard supporters bolted.

Then in 1843, when Louisa was ten, Bronson marched his family off to the town of Harvard, Massachusetts, about fourteen miles from Concord, where the Alcotts had been living. At a farm inappropriately dubbed Fruitlands, Bronson believed that they and a small band of cohorts could create a new Garden of Eden by living off the fruit of the land. “Insane, well-meaning egotists,” the antislavery writer Lydia Maria Child called them.

At Fruitlands, Abigail May Alcott, Louisa’s mother, was tasked with the cleaning, the washing of clothes, and the cooking, though there was little of that since utopia mandated a diet of mostly raw vegetables. (Rosenberg calls Bronson “a prescient and intelligent vegetarian pre-hippie.”) She was miserable, and the children almost starved. The model for the beloved Marmee, the mother of the brood in Little Women , Abigail was the youngest child in a family of prominent Boston Brahmin liberals; her brother was the passionate Unitarian abolitionist and women’s rights advocate Samuel Joseph May. She studied French, Latin, and chemistry privately in Duxbury, Massachusetts, and later helped form the Philadelphia Female Anti-Slavery Society. In 1830 she married the self-involved Bronson, who confessed in his journal, “I love her because she loves me.” In Little Women , Marmee understandably declares, “I am angry nearly every day of my life.”

In “Transcendental Wild Oats” (1873), Alcott changes the names of the Fruitlanders and, Rosenberg argues, “alternates broad comedy with tragedy.” As she puts it, “Alcott never lingers on the psychological devastation” that she likely experienced but rather

focuses on the characters around her and records the homely details of daily life (“unleavened bread, porridge, and water for breakfast; bread, vegetables, and water for dinner; bread, fruit, and water for supper”), leaving little room for disbelief.

Yet Alcott’s details are telling. Her irony is unmistakable, and her voice devastating in its affectlessness. As she observes, these “modern pilgrims,” most notably her father, possessed “the firm belief that plenteous orchards were soon to be evoked from their inner consciousness.” Once in their prospective Eden, she acidly continues, “no teapot profaned that sacred stove, no gory steak cried aloud for vengeance from her chaste gridiron; and only a brave woman’s taste, time, and temper were sacrificed on that domestic altar.” Fortunately the sojourn in paradise lasted only seven months.

The Alcotts eventually resettled in Concord, where Louisa grew up near Emerson, Thoreau, and later Hawthorne. But since “money is never plentiful in a philosopher’s house,” as she later recollected, the family temporarily moved to a basement apartment in Boston. After her mother formed what was basically a female employment agency, Louisa volunteered to take a position as a lady’s live-in companion in Dedham, Massachusetts. It turned out to be a degrading experience that she partly fictionalized in the essay “How I Went Out to Service” (1874), with which Rosenberg opens her volume, claiming it’s yet another example of Alcott’s ability to “strike the intersecting point between tragedy and comedy.” It’s a fine essay but not particularly comic: it’s a chilly story of exploitation and sexual harassment despite the moralizing conclusion about how the experience taught her many lessons.

Doubtless it did, but it also seems that Alcott wrote more for strangers than herself, often muzzling the intensity of her response to those who underestimated, harassed, or took advantage of her. She had begun to sell stories to help support her family, and though she’d already published two in the prestigious Atlantic Monthly , she also tried her hand at teaching again, despite her hatred of it. The publisher of The Atlantic , James Fields, loaned her forty dollars to help outfit her classroom, but when she came to him with another story—according to Rosenberg, “How I Went Out to Service”—he told her bluntly, “Stick to your teaching.” Rosenberg omits what happened later: after the success of Little Women , Alcott paid back the loan, telling Fields she’d found that writing paid far better than teaching, so she’d stick to her pen. “He laughed,” she said, “& owned that he made a mistake.”

She never forgot the insult. Like Marmee, who said she was angry nearly every day of her life, Alcott added, “I have learned not to show it.” Instead she found ways to stifle her rage, distancing herself from her feelings and retreating into the safety of platitudes, which often deaden her prose. For instance, at the conclusion of “How I Went Out to Service,” she tacks on a lesson about “making a companion, not a servant, of those whose aid I need, and helping to gild their honest wages with the sympathy and justice which can sweeten the humblest and lighten the hardest task.” It’s not clear if she’s counseling the reader or herself.

That’s far less true, though, in Hospital Sketches (1863), Alcott’s first successful book, in which she combined her recollections with material from the letters she wrote home while serving as an army nurse at the Union Hotel Hospital in Washington, D.C. Having “corked up” her tears, she nonetheless writes with feeling about “the barren honors” that these soldiers, cut to pieces at Fredericksburg, had won. She washed their bodies with brown soap, dressed their wounds, sang them lullabies, mopped their brows, and scribbled letters to the mothers and sweethearts of the nameless men, some without arms or legs, who lay in excruciating pain in the hotel’s ballroom. Such “seeming carelessness of the value of life, the sanctity of death” astonished Alcott, who wanted to believe that none of them had been sacrificed in vain.

She lasted only six weeks before she fell ill with typhoid pneumonia and had to be taken home to Concord by her father. The physicians who treated her shaved her hair and dosed her with calomel, a mercury compound that ultimately ruined her health. Alcott, encouraged by a friend to publish her experience, wrote of the desperate conditions that had made her, like many others, so sick: the fetid water and poor ventilation and scant or inedible food. And she wrote not just of the clammy foreheads and agonized deaths, and the insouciance of doctors who made a young woman tell a desperate man that he was dying, but also of the inescapable racism even of her fellow nurses:

I expected to have to defend myself from accusations of prejudice against color; but was surprised to find things just the other way, and daily shocked some neighbor by treating the blacks as I did the whites. The men would swear at the “darkies,” would put two g s into negro, and scoff at the idea of any good coming from such trash. The nurses were willing to be served by the colored people, but seldom thanked them, never praised, and scarcely recognized them in the street.

When she voluntarily touched a small Black child, she was labeled a fanatic. Alcott then offers a typical homily:

Though a hospital is a rough school, its lessons are both stern and salutary; and the humblest of pupils there, in proportion to his faithfulness, learns a deeper faith in God and in himself.

These homilies, like her detachment, may have been a marketing strategy, since she worried always about hanging on to her audience. Yet she did still write for herself after all. “Darkness made visible,” as she called it, was what she also sought, anticipating, in her way, what the witty Emily Dickinson surmised: “Success in Circuit lies.”

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Anthony M. Kennedy to reflect on his life and his years on the Supreme Court in two-volume memoir

This combination of images shows cover art for a two-volume memoir by retired Supreme Court Justice Anthony M. Kennedy “Life and Law: The Early Years” and “Life and Law: The Court Years” to be published Oct. 1. (Simon & Schuster via AP)

FILE - Retired Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy testifies before a House Committee on Appropriations Subcommittee on Financial Services hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington on March 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta, File)

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NEW YORK (AP) — Retired Supreme Court Justice Anthony M. Kennedy has a two-volume memoir coming out this fall, tracking his life from growing up in California to his 30 years on the court, when he cast key votes on landmark cases ranging from abortion to gay marriage to campaign finance.

Simon & Schuster announced Tuesday that Kennedy’s “Life and Law: The Early Years” and “Life and Law: The Court Years” will be published Oct. 1, as a boxed set and in individual editions, each around 320 pages. Kennedy was widely regarded as a moderate conservative who wrote the majority opinion on such closely divided cases as Obergefell v. Hodges, which found a constitutional right to same-sex marriage, and Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, which allowed corporations and other outside entities to spend unlimited money on election campaigns.

“In ‘Life and Law,’ he explains the why’s and how’s of judging,” Simon & Schuster’s announcement reads in part.

“The second volume is filled with moving portraits of Justices O’Connor, Rehnquist, Scalia and Ginsburg that go along with the account of how Kennedy decided his views in the landmark cases. But it is the first volume about his youth in Sacramento and his decade as a practicing lawyer that explains the judicial giant. Readers will see the child who turns into the man, who shaped America as much as any Washington figure in the 21st century.”

Kennedy, 87, noted in the preface to the first volume that his memoirs proved more expansive than originally planned.

“It was my intent (my right hand is raised to swear it so) to recount my earlier years in a summary way. But something happened on the way to the pencil,” he wrote. “More and more of my recollections turned to how our society and its mindset changed in fascinating ways from the ’40s and ’50s to the ’60s and then again in the ’70s. This seemed relevant to the dynamics that influenced me and our larger society.”

“As each day passes, we should strive to learn more about who we are and whom we should strive to become,” he added. “Writing a memoir is a formal way to do this.”

Kennedy was an associate justice from 1988-2018 and his arrival and departure proved equally newsworthy.

He was appointed to the court by President Ronald Reagan, but only after the Senate had voted down Reagan’s first choice, Robert Bork, and after the second choice, Douglas Ginsburg, withdrew amid reports he had smoked marijuana. When Kennedy announced in 2018 that he was stepping down, President Donald Trump nominated a former Kennedy law clerk, Brett Kavanaugh, who was narrowly approved by the Senate after contentious confirmation hearings that included allegations Kavanaugh had assaulted a high school acquaintance, Christine Blasey Ford.

Kennedy’s book will arrive soon after Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson’s memoir “Lovely One,” which comes out Sept. 3.